who will contribute to my book about PIRATES?

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i want:
- gay pirate porn from anthony
- a gallery of new pirate flags by spencer chow and rjg and everyone else on the "your art" thread
- an essay by maryann on mary read pirate
- momus on the song "pirate jenny"
- ned raggett on "the pirates of the carribean ride" at disneyland
- someone who knows (mark s.? robin c? marcello?) on pirate radio in london
- interviews with all the surviving members of Johnny Kidd & The Pirates
- Ally on Adam Ant

And YOU, dear ILXOR, on anything pirate related.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 19 December 2002 20:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

http://www.beaglebay.com/images/jackrack.gif

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 19 December 2002 20:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

Will it be rated Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Thursday, 19 December 2002 20:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

there should be a pirate joke in the margin of every page.

and sergio argones style margin comics!

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 19 December 2002 20:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0814712363?vi=glance

― Jonathan Williams (ex machina), Thursday, 19 December 2002 20:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Are there any pirate jokes other than the "Rated Arrrrrrrrrrr" one?

― Aaron W, Thursday, 19 December 2002 20:47 (twenty-one years ago) link

You need something about the buccaneers who have a guilty conscience about their profession. 'The Pirates of Penance'

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Thursday, 19 December 2002 20:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

Answering my own question... How could I forget this one???

a little kid with a speech impediment dresses up as a pirate and goes trick or treating. he knocks on the door of a house and a man answers. "oh, i can see you're dressed up as a pirate." the man says. "but where are your buccaneers?" the kid gets really mad, and says "on the sides of my buckin' head!"

Stolen from http://www.prometheusradio.org/piratejokes.html

― Aaron W, Thursday, 19 December 2002 20:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

I'm SO in.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 19 December 2002 20:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

Q: How did the pirate stop smoking?
A: The patch.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 19 December 2002 20:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

Q: How much does it cost for a new pirate's ship?
A: An arm and a leg!

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

Q: Why is Fritz' magazine rated Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?
A: Too much booty.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:03 (twenty-one years ago) link

Q: How much does it cost for pirate earrings?
A: A buccaneer.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

Fritz I've decided I shouldn't be in charge of the jokes.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

http://home.clara.net/digger/sixties/kiddj.jpg

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:16 (twenty-one years ago) link

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen
you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine."

The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have
that before."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball
hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw
you, you had both hands."

"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the
enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the
surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really."

"Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you
were in here you had both eyes."

"Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were
flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye."

"So?" replied the bartender, "what happened? You couldn't have lost an
eye just from some bird shit!"

"Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."

― C J (C J), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:21 (twenty-one years ago) link

This pirate walks into a bar with a big ship's wheel down the front of his trousers. The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know you have a ship's wheel down the front of your trousers?" And the pirate says...

Aaarrgh! It's driving me nuts!

― C J (C J), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

dr vick to thread if i can find her B4 I go to shropshire - she borrowed my copy of CAPTAIN SLAUGHTERBOARD DROPS ANCHOR by mervyn peake, which is the best book abt pirates EVAH (and supah-pervy also, for a kid's book)

(haha i just realised it has the same plot as HANNIBAL kinda)

seriously fritz and everyone, you have to read this book:

http://www.fantasticfictionimages.co.uk/images/n5/n25049.jpg

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:28 (twenty-one years ago) link

I did a pirate book when I was about five. I thought it was great. Then when I saw it again a few years later, I wondered what had happened to it. It didn't look nearly as good. The drawings were all very childish, and it was poorly put together. I don't have a scanner, so I can't share.

― Rockist Scientist, Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:31 (twenty-one years ago) link

"Sex is a splendid structure they add to every day":

http://www.smh.com.au/ffxImage/urlpicture_id_1017206264067_2002/04/05/ent_slaughterhouse6.jpg

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:31 (twenty-one years ago) link

What kind of socks do pirates wear?

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrgyle.

― lavina., Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

http://www.whirligig-tv.co.uk/tv/children/pugwash/pugwash.jpg

― C J (C J), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:39 (twenty-one years ago) link

(when I was in sixth grade I wrote a series of books about a space pirate named Macky Snordle)

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:40 (twenty-one years ago) link

the macky snordle & rockist scientist pirate books sound good!

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

haha not Maddy Snorkle??

For some reason it's the "says the pirate" in the last sentence of CJ's first joke that really does it for me.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:42 (twenty-one years ago) link

(mine had illustrations too!)

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

(i like lavina's joke)

― Yanc3y (ystrickler), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:46 (twenty-one years ago) link

Fritz, how are you actually doing this? I could try to send you a color photocopy. Or is this just a thread idea?

― Rockist Scientist, Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

before you actually send me anything, let me guage whether I can pull together enough stuff to make it worthwhile.

if anyone seriously wants to contribute something, pls e-mail me at fritzwollner57@hotmail.com.

also continue here pls.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

the pirate theme is loose - pirate tangents welcome.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

I'm thinking a series of zines based on male archetypes:

pirate
cowboy
astronaut
doctor
fireman

etc.

and then we put them all together in a re:search type book after a couple of years

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 19 December 2002 21:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

i just wrote a poem about pirates. i mean outside this thread.

― anthony easton (anthony), Thursday, 19 December 2002 22:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

There was that album by Kathy Acker and the Mekons too. What was it called? I'm not imagining a pirate connection am I?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 19 December 2002 22:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

Isn't there already a Village People fanzine, Fritz?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 19 December 2002 22:47 (twenty-one years ago) link

http://members.rott.chello.nl/e.visser25/pirateboy1.jpg

― erik, Thursday, 19 December 2002 22:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

It was Pussy, King of the Pirates, Martin, based (I think) on Acker's book.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Thursday, 19 December 2002 22:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

It was Pussy, King of the Pirates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 19 December 2002 23:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

I was going to post a joke here, but CJ's already posted it. Darn.

― Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo (cindigo), Thursday, 19 December 2002 23:01 (twenty-one years ago) link

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/080213484X.01._PE20_PI_SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B0000037O5.01._PE_SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Thursday, 19 December 2002 23:03 (twenty-one years ago) link

Kathy Acker is my new favorite author and The Mekons are my new favorite group.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 19 December 2002 23:06 (twenty-one years ago) link

Sorry Christine!

― C J (C J), Thursday, 19 December 2002 23:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

i am serious about this by the way, email if you're in

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 19 December 2002 23:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

maybe an interview with jon langford about that mekons-acker collaboration? i know how to reach him. anyone with a special interest in writing it?

also I want something about Polanski's "Pirates".

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Thursday, 19 December 2002 23:13 (twenty-one years ago) link

http://maddox.xmission.com/bbeard6.gif

― OCP (OCP), Thursday, 19 December 2002 23:20 (twenty-one years ago) link

email me fritz.

― anthony easton (anthony), Thursday, 19 December 2002 23:34 (twenty-one years ago) link

http://bitchcakes.topcities.com/images/dandy.jpg

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 20 December 2002 00:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

You will clearly need to solicit a contribution from this band.

― Jen (nstop), Friday, 20 December 2002 01:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

Fritz what on earth inspired this anyways?

― mark p (Mark P), Friday, 20 December 2002 02:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

Ninjas > pirates

― webber (webber), Friday, 20 December 2002 02:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

I used to think there was going to be a new "pirate-chic" movement, and the music would be called "pirate-booty" which would sound like 2 Live Crew singing the Pirates of the Carribbean theme ("yo HO, yo HO, a pirate's life for me").

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Friday, 20 December 2002 02:15 (twenty-one years ago) link

http://www9.plala.or.jp/NUMBER12/colony/pm/pirate1.html

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Friday, 20 December 2002 04:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

Kathy Acker has died a year or so ago, no?

― Kim (Kim), Friday, 20 December 2002 04:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

Do you mean me Fritz? I just read Robinson Crusoe, I could write about the pirates in that book. Robinson Crusoe was kind of depressing!

― maryann (maryann), Friday, 20 December 2002 09:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

I will draw you a picture of a pirate, but you'll have to wait until tomorrow.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 20 December 2002 09:40 (twenty-one years ago) link

I could write a poem about pirates:

When I was pirate,
I wore a groovy hat,
Killed a lot of people,
Just like that,
Then I got caught,
Oh dear I thought,
Then they hanged me,
I wasn't very pleased,

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 20 December 2002 09:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

USA vs Iraq = international piracy.

Other than that, pirate themes are grate.

― the pinefox, Friday, 20 December 2002 15:21 (twenty-one years ago) link

yes, maryann!

OK - I'll e-mail all the folks who've contacted me individually in the new year with more details and deadlines. So if you have time over the holidays, start thinking about what you might want to contribute:

We need:
- art and illustration
- well-researched historical stuff or other nonfiction (eg modern piracy)
- pirate art criticism (eg writings about pirate lit, movies & music, etc.)
- fiction & poetry

I'd like it to have the feel of one of those old Boy's Own Annual things, or The Big Book of Pirate Stories but hijacked.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Friday, 20 December 2002 15:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

oh and thanks to everyone who emailed so far! looks like a stellar cast.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Friday, 20 December 2002 15:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

What's the pirate's wife's name?
Peggy.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 20 December 2002 18:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

(I loved this one as a kid)

What is a pirate always looking for, but is always right behind him?
His Booty!

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 20 December 2002 18:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

http://webpages.charter.net/cmvenuti/images/pirates.jpg

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 20 December 2002 18:16 (twenty-one years ago) link

good music here:

http://www.onesock.com/buttpirates/

― g (graysonlane), Friday, 20 December 2002 19:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

I will be away from ilx for a couple of weeks - email if you're interested

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Friday, 20 December 2002 22:06 (twenty-one years ago) link

I will write if you will let me.

― dwh (dwh), Friday, 20 December 2002 23:01 (twenty-one years ago) link

There's a pirate band in Melbourne. Can't think what they're called, but Jim will probably know. Er, all of their songs are about famous pirates of the past ("This song is about blah blah blah who ruled the South China seas between 1430 and 1482, at the height of her rule she had 3000000 ships and blah blah blah...")

― OCP (OCP), Friday, 20 December 2002 23:37 (twenty-one years ago) link

hey are you able to post details like format and an address so that us shy people can just send something to you direct - you don't have to use it!

― shy, Sunday, 22 December 2002 01:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

OCP, that's not Trixie's Undersea Adventure is it?

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 23 December 2002 02:31 (twenty-one years ago) link

Much as I also find a lot to like in things piratical I feel a bit curmudgeonly because I think that being into pirates (and hence also skull motifs) these days is like being into, um, incense & flowers in 1969 (or some more appropriate trend I can't really think of it)

― spectra, Monday, 23 December 2002 03:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

OCP, that's not Trixie's Undersea Adventure is it?

Nah, their name is something like Spforanzo. Not that, obviously, but not far from it.

― OCP (OCP), Monday, 23 December 2002 10:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

pirate joke by bob brannigan :
1st pirate : hey nice earrings, how much were they?
2nd pirate : only $2
1st pirate : hey not bad for a BUCK AN EAR!

― unknown or illegal user (doorag), Monday, 23 December 2002 10:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/0044409702.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

http://www.amazon.co.uk/exec/obidos/ASIN/0044409702/ref=sr_aps_books_1_1/202-3217983-7824626

― Alan (Alan), Monday, 23 December 2002 11:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

spectra being into incense & flowers in '69 would've been kind of passe, the new things to be into were speed, downers, motorcycles, & discovering hidden exhortations to murder in beatles lyrics, & PIRATES.

― unknown or illegal user (doorag), Monday, 23 December 2002 11:05 (twenty-one years ago) link

Fritz -- erm, will there be at least a footnote as regards 'CORSAIRS'?

― t\'\'t (t''t), Monday, 23 December 2002 16:15 (twenty-one years ago) link

CAPTAIN SLAUGHTERBOARD DROPS ANCHOR by mervyn peake, which is the best book abt pirates EVAH

Hang on, there is a BOOK about PIRATES by MERVYN PEAKE? This must surely be the BEST BOOK of ALL SPACE-TIME in the ENTIRE UNIVERSE. EVAH.

― RickyT (RickyT), Monday, 23 December 2002 21:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

gay pirate porn from anthony

on behalf of captain anthony, this is as (gay) pirate porn as you can get so far...

http://www.apmevent.com/pictures/presentation/animations/leadphoto/chippendale/pirate.jpg

― erik, Monday, 23 December 2002 21:37 (twenty-one years ago) link

http://www.whimservices.com/entr_evr/sing_tel/pirate.jpg

― erik, Monday, 23 December 2002 21:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

http://espn-i.starwave.com/@v=2002122314@/i/nfl/clubhouse/oak.gif

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Monday, 23 December 2002 22:05 (twenty-one years ago) link

This sounds like it might be interesting, but what a book like this really needs is a good hook.

― Al Ewing (Al Ewing), Tuesday, 24 December 2002 01:13 (twenty-one years ago) link

two years pass...

http://us.news3.yimg.com/us.i2.yimg.com/p/rids/20051005/i/r571556522.jpg?x=230&y=345&sig=lFJhGXsS6uMDuVaQAYImPg--

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Thursday, 6 October 2005 13:20 (eighteen years ago) link

mmmmmmmmmm

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Thursday, 6 October 2005 13:41 (eighteen years ago) link

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