This is the thread where we each write a haiku about something daft.

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Can ilxor
Pass the haiku test? I think
Not. Stupid buggers.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Sunday, 26 January 2003 22:13 (twenty-three years ago)

Five syllables and
Then seven, and then five more,
That is a haiku.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Sunday, 26 January 2003 22:15 (twenty-three years ago)

lousy health problems:
no-drip liquid nasal gel,
heal me or fuck off

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 26 January 2003 22:17 (twenty-three years ago)

I find film haikus to be quite fun:

How enterprising,
The franchise is paramount
And the odds are crap.

The dead man plucks his strings.
The dead man plucks his strings.
The dead man plucks his strings.
(Breaking the formal rules there, but it's quite a good one).

Anal pursuit
Becomes hyper-cool zeitgeist
Not set in England.

From rags to riches,
A small price to pay for the
Frenchies in London.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Sunday, 26 January 2003 22:44 (twenty-three years ago)

Poetic thinking
Unusual to bring it
Into this context.

Haiku has failed me.
I can think of nothing good.
How disappointing.

― Al Ewing (Al Ewing), Sunday, 26 January 2003 23:15 (twenty-three years ago)

i met chickenbear
he said "take the buccaneers
but give just three points!"

― Tad (llamasfur), Monday, 27 January 2003 01:44 (twenty-three years ago)

My headphones don't work.
Instead, I just get static.
I hate the fuckers.

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 27 January 2003 01:56 (twenty-three years ago)

i'm trying to work
the internet distracts me
ilx, my bane!

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 27 January 2003 01:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Damn I hate football
You know I never watch it
Give my T.V. back

― Kim (Kim), Monday, 27 January 2003 02:02 (twenty-three years ago)

I really wish that
I was the dude from
Alphaville, seriously.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 27 January 2003 02:07 (twenty-three years ago)

that is not haiku
but don't worry, anthony
you can write some more!

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 27 January 2003 02:09 (twenty-three years ago)

donut bitch says
"short term memory, I see"
one, two, three, four, five!

― donut bitch (donut), Monday, 27 January 2003 02:10 (twenty-three years ago)

this is confusing
i am still in limerick mode
and these poems don't rhyme!

― Maria (Maria), Monday, 27 January 2003 02:11 (twenty-three years ago)

ack! I had forgot!
it's not just syllables, right?
lines are separate!

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 27 January 2003 02:11 (twenty-three years ago)

first snows of winter
"committment to excellence"
sad Raider nation

― J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 27 January 2003 02:14 (twenty-three years ago)

don't yet sleep, don't dream
apostrophe buggers me
inconclusively

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Monday, 27 January 2003 02:24 (twenty-three years ago)

I have a headache
The computer screen is bright
The light hurts my eyes

I hate all football
'Specially Professional
Men acting like kids

PMS coming
The bitchiness is rising
I need cho-co-late

Tell me why some dreams
Stay in your thoughts all day long
And yet others fade?

Hot damn, I like this!
Composing haiku's is fun
Is this a new treat?

So, um, please tell me
Just what are the rul-es for
Poems such as this?

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Monday, 27 January 2003 02:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Fred Durst, my sweet Fred.
Soft like flower, you hurt.
Why everybody hatin'?

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 27 January 2003 02:40 (twenty-three years ago)

agh! too many syllables!

Fred Durst, my sweet Fred.
Soft flower, you hurt.
Why everybody hatin'?

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 27 January 2003 02:40 (twenty-three years ago)

anthony, see here
second line has seven beats
you will conquer yet!

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 27 January 2003 02:52 (twenty-three years ago)

hee hee! I suck at this. Ok,

Fred Durst, my Limp one.
Why everybody hatin'?
Soft flower, you hurt.

new one!

us boys, we're such shit.
but watch us dance, so funny!
we try, we really try.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 27 January 2003 02:56 (twenty-three years ago)

A few political haiku. Is 17 syllables the optimun 'soundbite' length?

Bonking Bill's Haiku

I did not have sex
with that Lewinski woman
Can you define sex?

Salman's Haiku

Khomeni's a prick
and when you live in London
it's safe to say so

Maggie's haiku

There's no such thing
as society but only
conflicting interests

George W Haiku

Saddam's a bastard
He's to blame for our problems
Go kick his ass in!

― Fred Nerk, Monday, 27 January 2003 03:35 (twenty-three years ago)

I am quite tired.
But that was expected, true.
Due to the party.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 27 January 2003 03:43 (twenty-three years ago)

When you cook chicken,
Remember to wash the fork
That poked unthawed meat

Alas, I forgot this,
And spent twenty-four hours
In great distress

My belly expands
Filled with cold bacteria
May I please shit now?

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 27 January 2003 03:50 (twenty-three years ago)

Apartment, I cleaned
you. Found: Bvlgari knock-off,
gloves, keys. But not love.

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 27 January 2003 04:16 (twenty-three years ago)

WINZ, you piss me off!
why won't you help me, bastards?
i just want money.

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 27 January 2003 04:18 (twenty-three years ago)

Silly Jack Osbourne.
Yer a poodle cute bulldog.
You yell "Dahd!", lovely.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 27 January 2003 04:30 (twenty-three years ago)

I am not that smart
I buy all of the good books
they wait patiently

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Monday, 27 January 2003 04:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Only four syllables
In my second haiku, line 3
To show you my PAIN

But this is balanced
By extra beat in line 1
So never mind me

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 27 January 2003 05:16 (twenty-three years ago)

me watch super bowl
me not like the game but yes
the ad that went "WOOOOOO!"

― ron (ron), Monday, 27 January 2003 06:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Gannon had bad game
Gruden has awesome game plan
Buccaneers are champs

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Monday, 27 January 2003 06:30 (twenty-three years ago)

All this talk of sex
on ILE: a real yawn.
More politics please.

― Amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 27 January 2003 06:36 (twenty-three years ago)

Or at least, people,
post to my Shirley Collins
thread, for she is grebt.

― Amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 27 January 2003 06:38 (twenty-three years ago)

sea and cake looping
synth part end of one bedroom
again and again

― ron (ron), Monday, 27 January 2003 06:39 (twenty-three years ago)

The thread called for "daft."
Punk: we talk plenty here of
politics. Stick around.

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 27 January 2003 06:44 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm aware of this.
I'm just tired of hearing
of everyone's fetishes.

Also, being a yank,
I know little of this "daft."
(Literal-minded.)

― Amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 27 January 2003 06:48 (twenty-three years ago)

I think the masters
of haiku would roll over
in their graves at these.

― Amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 27 January 2003 06:50 (twenty-three years ago)

cat under my feet
in the kitchen, it bugs me
get your own food, scrag!

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 27 January 2003 06:50 (twenty-three years ago)

goodness and badness
do you see what she did there?
joke and extra beat

― ron (ron), Monday, 27 January 2003 06:50 (twenty-three years ago)

my haiku refers
to felicity redwell
not lucy lurex

― ron (ron), Monday, 27 January 2003 06:51 (twenty-three years ago)

politics and sex
mutually exclusive?
lets ask bill clinton!

― di smith (lucylurex), Monday, 27 January 2003 06:59 (twenty-three years ago)

Yes what is "porn-chic"
but the "politics of sex"
after all, or "as it were."

(The theme of that poem
was the uses of scare quotes.
Take notes, everyone.)

― Amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 27 January 2003 07:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Hmm. Would you prefer
semiconductor physics
explained by Britney?

― felicity (felicity), Monday, 27 January 2003 07:13 (twenty-three years ago)

I just realized that
one of my "haikus" was fucked:
two words too many!

― Amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 27 January 2003 07:17 (twenty-three years ago)

If a thread's revived
with no one around to read,
does it make a sound?

― Amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 06:52 (twenty-three years ago)

threads read, threads unread
are humming always alike
soft-voiced, my 'puter

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 15:38 (twenty-three years ago)

I would like it if
we were all more creative
and wrote loads of these.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 28 January 2003 15:48 (twenty-three years ago)

bump bump bump bump bump
ditto bump ditto bump bump
bump ditto ditto

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 08:27 (twenty-three years ago)

Jody Beth Rosen
that was fantastic, I am
really impressed.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 09:28 (twenty-three years ago)

I placed a teapot
Astride two 'lectric burners:
Tea in the half the time.

― Amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 09:46 (twenty-three years ago)

Dubya and Tony:
Winter has spawned a monster;
Oh no! Fite! Oh no!

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 09:52 (twenty-three years ago)

When my ship comes in
I'll buy a winter estate
In California

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 10:05 (twenty-three years ago)

Did you say funny?
You sayin' I amuse you,
like a f*cking clown?

― felicity (felicity), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:05 (twenty-three years ago)

That's the most aggro
haiku I've ever seen. It
quite unsettled me.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:06 (twenty-three years ago)

Sorry about that.
It is a "Goodfellas" bit,
just some New York love.

― felicity (felicity), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:32 (twenty-three years ago)

Writing a haiku
Without using the word "balls";
Harder than you'd think!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:34 (twenty-three years ago)

you were working as
a waitress in a cocktail
bar when i met you

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:51 (twenty-three years ago)

the Eastenders Haiku

ere woss gan on? nuthin!
affair with daughter in law?
you betta sort aht!

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:54 (twenty-three years ago)

i created a
monster no marshall more want shady
chopped liver want yes

is it worth it then
my thing flipped and reversed down
fremme neppa venette

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:57 (twenty-three years ago)

ere woss gan on? nuthin!

oop, delete the 'ere'

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 11 February 2003 15:59 (twenty-three years ago)

spectral mornings? nah!
sun never sets on ilm, duh
good night, everyone

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Thursday, 13 February 2003 06:38 (twenty-three years ago)

Bye, Sir Didimus
I miss your squeaking wheel and
Your tickling whiskers.

― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Thursday, 13 February 2003 06:58 (twenty-three years ago)

i never liked you
also, your girlfriend blew me
back seat o' my car

― mandrax variations, Thursday, 13 February 2003 07:00 (twenty-three years ago)

three weeks pass...

I get the feeling
This will be revived every
Seven weeks or so

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 March 2003 09:26 (twenty-three years ago)

(Acutally, just four
If we bother to do the
Math, Matos you dork)

― M Matos (M Matos), Monday, 10 March 2003 09:43 (twenty-three years ago)

nine months pass...

what? what? what? what? what?
what? what? what? what? what? what? what?
what? what? what? what? what?

― aja c (ken c), Monday, 5 January 2004 10:56 (twenty-two years ago)

leave aja alone
and write a better poem
about something else.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 5 January 2004 11:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Where is The Master
Of Haiku Writing? I bet
he will de-lurk soon!

Come on Matt! Show us
how haikus should be written -
we need a lesson.

― C J (C J), Monday, 5 January 2004 12:27 (twenty-two years ago)

can't talk about it
don't want to think about it
can't get it off me

― harajuku, Monday, 5 January 2004 16:20 (twenty-two years ago)

gonna fight them off
a seven nation army
couldn't hold me back

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 5 January 2004 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

No New Tokyo
No New Big Hello Kitty
Godzilla come home!

― harajuku, Monday, 5 January 2004 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

holidays over
Monday morning back to work
why am I depressed?

― o. nate (onate), Monday, 5 January 2004 16:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Thank fuck that Aja
seems to be at school; we can
now talk our own shit.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Monday, 5 January 2004 16:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Pink lady soaplands
Stealing whiskey soaked husbands
From wife's warm ramen

― harajuku (harajuku), Monday, 5 January 2004 16:44 (twenty-two years ago)

leftover biscuit
eggs bacon tomato on
well fed Monday morn

too strong coffee black
too many cups in a row
quivering colon

long sit on the john
reading the da vinci code
the bathroom at work

minutes days hours
eating breathing sitting sleep
too long or too short

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 5 January 2004 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Kawasaki's glass doors
Sliding open for the night
10,000 yen gone

― harajuku (harajuku), Monday, 5 January 2004 16:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Koganecho prime
Shoes left on the tatami
Whispers steal my heart

― harajuku (harajuku), Monday, 5 January 2004 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks for the quivering colon image, Nza. That was beautiful.

― o. nate (onate), Monday, 5 January 2004 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Yokohama bound
Mini disc blowing hot sounds
Was she here or there?

― harajuku (harajuku), Monday, 5 January 2004 16:54 (twenty-two years ago)

as if "beautiful"
isn't every bit as
painful as ugly

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 5 January 2004 16:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Shinjuku vixen
Twisting fate into a knot
Choking me softly

― harajuku (harajuku), Monday, 5 January 2004 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

(I wasn't being sarcastic, btw.)

― o. nate (onate), Monday, 5 January 2004 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Wasabi heartache
Sake and a beer chaser
Cross-eyed and in love

― harajuku (harajuku), Monday, 5 January 2004 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

sarcasmlessness
seen heard felt like apostle
sermon on the mount

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 5 January 2004 17:06 (twenty-two years ago)

i love wagamama
their chilli chicken ramen
costs six pounds fifty

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 5 January 2004 17:07 (twenty-two years ago)

doh i fucked up on
that last haiku that i wrote
jesus fucking christ

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 5 January 2004 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Cherry blossom spring
Train station girls raving mad
Next ride to nowhere

― harajuku (harajuku), Monday, 5 January 2004 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

cathode ray tube glow
scalds my tender retinae
with thought and vision

― o. nate (onate), Monday, 5 January 2004 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

What if bean salad
explodes in bag on way home?
Quite bad for essay.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 5 January 2004 17:34 (twenty-two years ago)

now where is a girl
who really aims marriage
or just a quickie?

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 5 January 2004 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

i covet the hair
of the man they call Button
but this may be wrong

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 5 January 2004 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

pity flows from me
towards the iced martini;
the glass is broken.

― Orbit (Orbit), Monday, 5 January 2004 18:20 (twenty-two years ago)

push pull and ebb flow
tides wash up and then away
pondering meatshake

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 5 January 2004 19:14 (twenty-two years ago)

no hidden secrets
cellophane lovers stalk me
days wither and wane

― harajuku (harajuku), Monday, 5 January 2004 21:06 (twenty-two years ago)

frank k's invented
new country categories
made my midnight, man!

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 01:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Calum ain't all there
He posts ridiculous threads
Just to see who'll bite

(Oh, you meant some-thing daft. Sorry.)

― Fred Nerk (Fred Nerk), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 02:31 (twenty-two years ago)

distance disappeared
talking light shine through the walls
false sunlight friendster

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 06:54 (twenty-two years ago)

sinking treelined road
sea turned vertical dropping
spirits drink car boom

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 06:57 (twenty-two years ago)

(invented country
categories were not 'daft',
to the contrary!)

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Tuesday, 6 January 2004 12:13 (twenty-two years ago)

nine months pass...

It's now nine-plus months
since that latest post? Madness.
Make daft haiku now!

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Fifty-five minutes
to the start of the show now.
With nothing to do.

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 17:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Those cd machines,
better check 'em. And the desk.
Kryokhin, Sergey.

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 17:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Udit Narayan.
How many syllables, huh,
is in "syllables"?

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 17:14 (twenty-one years ago)

So much cheese pizza
Like a large stone in my gut
I wish I had more

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 17:15 (twenty-one years ago)

"Syllables" has three
Syllables in it, moron.
Count them out on hand.

― Wooden (Wooden), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 17:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Milton Keynes vs. Hull
Dons try to avoid the drop
ken c. wrings his hands

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 17:18 (twenty-one years ago)

It can be hard to
know the amount of syllables
in a foreign tongue.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 17:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Wooden, why so tense?
Not fornicate enough, moron?
Loosen up a bit!

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 17:23 (twenty-one years ago)

No fornication
For Wooden, poor boy, he's sad.
Are you offering?

― Wooden (Wooden), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Blow smoke inside her
She laughs, her head tilted back
I love her high cooze

(apologies to Zen Clown)

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Boinking not allowed
in this here studio, no.
Solve your own problem.

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 17:43 (twenty-one years ago)

The word of the day
On my "New Words Calendar":
It is "razzmatazz"

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Done nothing today
Might as well go back to sleep
Goddamn my life blows

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

"Ek din woh", Rekha.
Hey, "Aflatoon Aflatoon"!
Remo Fernandes.

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 17:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I do not feel well.
Halogen's not full spectrum;
Please bring the cookie.

― Orbit (Orbit), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 22:56 (twenty-one years ago)

This are not haiku!
They must be five-seven-five
and say, um, autumn.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 21 October 2004 00:38 (twenty-one years ago)

i got what you want
i got it right here, baby
i got what you need

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 21 October 2004 00:51 (twenty-one years ago)

You know not my needs.
They might be far too scary
For folk such as you.

― Wooden (Wooden), Thursday, 21 October 2004 00:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Summer's almost here!
There is a spring in my step!
'Cause I stepped on pins.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 21 October 2004 00:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Summer's gone, alas
In the Northern hemisphere
Where I type these words.

― Wooden (Wooden), Thursday, 21 October 2004 01:09 (twenty-one years ago)

eight months pass...

i can't get to sleep;
thinking about london folks
all the goddam time. :-(

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Sunday, 10 July 2005 08:32 (twenty years ago)

motherfuck a duck
eat my ass with tabasco
eat my sweaty socks

― president carter loves repetition (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 10 July 2005 08:40 (twenty years ago)

what do i win?

― president carter loves repetition (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 10 July 2005 08:43 (twenty years ago)

that's why i like you,
jody: you're so ladylike,
a goth debutante.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Sunday, 10 July 2005 08:43 (twenty years ago)

i keep tryna sleep
but the good lord won't let me
i should start praying

― president carter loves repetition (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 10 July 2005 08:47 (twenty years ago)

be careful jody:
if you say 'good lord' too much,
prayer will become kitsch.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Sunday, 10 July 2005 08:49 (twenty years ago)

i think that already happened with the satan is real cover art.

― president carter loves repetition (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 10 July 2005 08:53 (twenty years ago)

marge simpson says it
"good lord," that is, quite a bit
the simpsons is kitsch

― president carter loves repetition (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 10 July 2005 08:55 (twenty years ago)

"the simpsons" as kitsch?
well, mardge's bouffant hairdo
prob'ly qualifies...

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Sunday, 10 July 2005 08:57 (twenty years ago)

(ok, less distraught
i was a mess earlier
pms and stuff)

― president carter loves repetition (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 10 July 2005 08:58 (twenty years ago)

beware of sushi
that is labeled 'discounted'
the lesson, today

― Seuss, Sunday, 10 July 2005 09:35 (twenty years ago)

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