should i grow a beard?

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i have no shaved in a bit over a week, making this the closest i've ever come to having a beard.

pros and cons:

- having a beard makes me look more like my fadder, who is a bad BAD man, indeed.

- the propecia i'm using to keep the hair on my head also makes the hair on my face as tough as brillo, making the shaving experience a quite painful one.

-razors, especially nice ones, are damned expensive.

jess, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

feel the (razor) burn!

jess, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Grow a beard and we will all gather and forcibly settle the problem by removing your head from your torso. All in the name of science and art, you understand.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

NO! NO! NO! BEARDS ARE WRONG! DON'T DO IT!

there have been far, far too many examples of erroneous facial hair over the years. why add to them?

katie, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

There is no greater bond than between a man and his beard. However there is also no good reason for having a beard, other than idleness. A tiny tiny percentage of men look better with a beard - statistically you will not be among them. However when you do have the beard you will not care as you will feel reconnected to your INNER MAN.

Whatever you do don't have a goatee. You have all the problems of a beard (i.e. looking a fool) and you STILL HAVE TO SHAVE. What is the point in that?? Also people will think you like acid jazz. If you do like acid jazz then may God help you Sir for I surely cannot.

Tom, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Don't do it. Beards look horrible 99% of the time and make kissing the owner a significantly less pleasant experience. I suspect the Olympia girl will be none too impressed if you get off the plane with a beard next week.

Richard Tunnicliffe, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

hmmmm...yes. see, hippy girl likes it...prolly becuz i look like a damn hippy! oly girl...prolly less so. (it's also good to see that tom has retained at least 50% control of his brain, but the beard battles on...like spider-man's black symbiotic costume that is.)

my face itches.

jess, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

don't do it. dude, think about the ladies, think about stubble rash, think about the PUBLIC SHAME.

di, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

You've just reminded me of another reason beards are bad: they make you look like a hippy.

Richard Tunnicliffe, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Or rather even more like one in some cases. Consider my photo and then just imagine that smug bastard with facial growth. YECH!

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

If I was a guy I would grow a beard because there is nothing under this sun that could provoke me to shave my face everyday.

Also, I've heard that moustaches can tickle clits nicely.

I say grow one.

I love winter when I can get away with no leg or underarm or bikini- line shaving for a whole SEVEN MONTHS!!!

toraneko, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

"Also, I've heard that moustaches can tickle clits nicely."

i want confirmation of this, RIGHT NOW.

jess, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

We-ell, I did once read an article in Cosmopolitan in which one woman propounded the wonders of beard assisted cunnilingus. So that's one data point in favour. But I've never heard anyone else vouch for it and given the running battles I've witnessed between women I know and their partners beards I suspect other considerations outweigh any oral sex advantages.

Richard Tunnicliffe, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Soon, you might have no choice!

dave q, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I think my record on beards is pretty well known, but I have to reiterate: DON'T DO IT!

For all the talk of it being great for cunnilingus, if you have a beard 99% of women are never going to let you get close enough to find that out.

Beards, eurgh.

Nicole, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

i have bought a razor. if it wouldn't look kinda odd, i'd walk right into the rest room and shave it now. itchy!!

jess, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Ugh, don't want to think about a beard being down there, urgh, no no no no no no no. NO! Shave it. Now. Oh no now each time I see a mang with a beard I am going to think about that. Urgh. Ewww. Clean shaven, smooth, GOOD.

Sarah, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I think my record on beards is pretty well known, but I have to reiterate: DON'T DO IT!

What's weird is that Nicole's future husband has a beard down to his waistline to go with his shaven head. He brushes it lovingly when not saying mean things about Scott Walker.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

A general lesson I think applies: stubble - whether chin or pubic - and oral sex do not well mix.

Tom, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

bearded men and their oral skillz = unspoken reason for willingness of the Oriental Lady to be down with Sharia Law and the chador (sp?) et al

mark s, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Mark S: you are insane.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

He's just a bit sensitive about the fact that pikachus have yellow fur all over their body. I guess that would sort of count as a beard.

Nicole, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

all-over bodyfur = rowr (on humanZoR)

mark s, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Due to being a sensitive flower I can only shave about every 5 days, consequently I have almost permanent stubble, fortunately it grows very slowly. I do hate it though, I used to have such a smooth face.

chris, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

clit-tickler? more like clit-scratcher!

di, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Moustaches = destroy. Little sould patches or creative sideburns are classic though. I'm curious about the whole beard/clit thing though. Do bearded guys turn their ladies on by rubbing their chins on them? Bizarre.

Samantha, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Thats just what bearded guys say to try and excuse themselves, like the way guys with huge feet or something try and make you think they are "large in other areas" aswell, hurhur.

Ronan, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

there's a way around this - grow stubble for days on end,and then, when too itchy/hot/bothersome, just reduce with the no-blade setting on some hair clippers - then you don't need to shave and rip up yr face nearly as much, but you can also get rid of beard itch fairly easier.

Geoff, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

yes you should , and stop taking propciea , age gracefully

anthony, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

ronan = prepubertoid w.small penis, the source of all bitterness

mark s, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

smug Ned.

Mike Hanle y, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

What, you only noticed just now?

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'm happy with what I've got Mark. Thats without having to mention youth,or even the power in my legs/brain/other important areas in which you are lacking

Ronan, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

prepuberitoid = name of album number 4 (or 5, I forget now.)

and anthony, propecia is an ultimate GOOD. godbless those heartless drug multi-nationals.

jess, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

other important areas in which i am lacking = acne surely haha

mark s, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Yes it goes away with wrinkles..........of course I don't have acne anyway, is it hereditary or something? It's a ship that sailed without me.

Ronan, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Do it!

I had to give up and grow one cause I cant get hot water for a bath let alone shaving in the morning. + After a week or so they become addictive to scratch. +When your sick of it you can always get a shave from a barber. - If you have a cat it may get freaked out, cats dont like bearded men, neither do most sane women.

Mr Noodles, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

You can always tell yourself that growing a beard is your assertion that you do not care for the fickle and cosmetic allegiances of womankind.

Tom, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

GROW A BEARD!...Every man should grow a beard once in their life. It's a rite of passage. (Must shave for my interview tomorrow)

jel, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

plus its really cool when after a week or two you start to plcuk out the double grown hairs in yr chin that look/feel like splinters - it's the source of my pride and joy most times.

Geoff, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

So can I assume members of the Taliban don't own cats?

Samantha, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I must PROTEST the goatee vilification! Even if it does make me look like Hootie, I would much prefer that to looking like I'm 14. Although, when I did grow a full beard, Joei absolutely LOVED it. In fact, I'm growing another full beard this winter.

Dan Perry, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

at least no-one is suggesting he grow just a mo.

Geoff, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I have had a King Tut goatee (goatee at the chin, no 'stache) for the past few weeks. I like it. Almost no-one's commented upon it, though.

Tadeusz Suchodolski, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

i shaved. i forgot i had a ver' important meeting with the Big Boss today.

jess, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Jess, only if the beard "is you" and will make you a more confident individual, then I'd say go for it. Otherwise, shave it. Like it really matters anyway. Fuck. Mullets obviously haven't turned off women recently.. they're more prevalent than ever before!

Just don't let the "90% of women won't touch a bearded man" myth get to you. If memory serves me right, this was born from an exaggeration of some poll in a high profile singles magazine asking what women thought of beards... and it was a preference, not a deciding factor for dateability. Even then, while I'm sure more women prefer clean-shaven -- 9 to 1? Come on! Maybe 6 to 1 in major Western cities, but that ends up being a regional thing.

Besides -- if you were to replace "clean shaven" with "nice car", "rich", or "watches Friends" in that same poll, I'm sure the ratio would be just as high.

And how often does Mr./Ms. Right end up fulfilling all the traits and attributes of one's "dream person" anyway? This goes both ways.

(I mean, I'd like to believe the "90%" myth. Most Seattle men have goatees, and if they are all indeed stupid, then that would increase my chances these days -- given that I've long abandoned the goatee that most of the photos in the link I posted in the picture thread show.)

Brian MacDonald, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Except now my advice is too little too late.

If worse comes to worse, Jess, it's Halloween season. I'm sure you could go buy a fake beard somewhere if Olympia girl ends up being a facial hair fetishist.

Brian MacDonald, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Grow a moustache! They are pure roXor. EVERYONE has got a little "soul patch" or some goatee concoction - FUCK that "self- expressive" Norelco shite. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF?? up with the CHICAGO SAUSAGE MAN LOOK OF TODAY!

(p.s. with just a little conditioner, moustaches do not scratch)

Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Tadeusz, what you have is actually called the Justin Timberlake goatee.

Otis Wheeler, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I agree with what Di said. Beards do not feel good during oral sex. The person who said that must have no feeling in their clitoris. Sorry.

foo, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Growing a beard is k-MANLY (snort, rave) If Ned R grew a beard (as alluded to above) he'd loox0r like a member ov hawkwind = UNDENIABLE PROOF, LAYM0RZ!!!!!!

Also, growing a beard hides yr double chin, yes, now we're getting to the real truth (grumble)

xoxo

Norman Phay, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

If Ned R grew a beard (as alluded to above) he'd loox0r like a member ov hawkwind

Dear god, the images in my head just get worse, you fucking weirdos. ;-)

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

C'mon, Ned, give into yer inner Lemmy!

And I prefer to refer to the scrubbery on the chin as a King Tut, Mr. Wheeler, regardless of what Mr. Timberlake might have on his chin :-)

Tadeusz Suchodolski, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Can't. No wart.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 9 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I've decided my traditional exam beard this year will infact be a fu manchu. Or at least a close approximation.

Mr Noodles, Wednesday, 10 October 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

four months pass...
ILEWHACKED! "youth fickle"

jel --, Thursday, 28 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

did you ever grow your beard, jess?

chaki, Thursday, 28 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Beards are pretty dud. but sideburns are classic!!!

electric sound of jim, Thursday, 28 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Sideburns are a particular pet hate of mine. I destroy mine on a regular basis.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 28 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

i think jess should grow a spinal fin

mark s, Thursday, 28 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Sideburns r0X0r but every bloke I see these days seems to have them.

electric sound of jim, Thursday, 28 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

two years pass...
SUCCESS

Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:14 (nineteen years ago) link

Okay, now try for hair #2.

Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:31 (nineteen years ago) link

I am about to shave mine off so that I don't get summer beard tan lines.

Zebra, Alpha Go! (cprek), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:33 (nineteen years ago) link

let that shit grow for 4months like i did

LaToya JaXoN (JasonD), Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:37 (nineteen years ago) link

If you ask me, that's a bit like asking if you should wear your underwear outside your clothes. No.

Jason Argonaut, Thursday, 24 February 2005 20:39 (nineteen years ago) link

I happen to look very nice w/a beard, so feh.

Matos-Webster Dictionary (M Matos), Thursday, 24 February 2005 21:12 (nineteen years ago) link

seven months pass...
Should I grow a beard? I have 19 days in which to do it.

Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:05 (eighteen years ago) link

go for it. i'm gonna grow one for halloween.

g-kit (g-kit), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:10 (eighteen years ago) link

Everyone should grow a beard! I know I have! Come on people, make 2005 the year of the beard!

tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:12 (eighteen years ago) link

i already had one this year. i'm gonna be leet and have another.
beard contest!

g-kit (g-kit), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:13 (eighteen years ago) link

BEARD OFF

tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:13 (eighteen years ago) link

grow a beard like nick oliveri

vacuum cleaner (electricsound), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:14 (eighteen years ago) link

Markelby - no. It will suck the youth out of your face.

How did anybody ever understand one word I typed back in '01?

Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:14 (eighteen years ago) link

Markelby - let's have a race!

Why 19 days?

PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:14 (eighteen years ago) link

i need a beard for the 'ween cos i'ma be KITTENBEARD t3h P1r4t3

so, who else has a ginger beard?

can we make it er... 14...15... um... however many days to teh 'ween, please?

g-kit (g-kit), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:16 (eighteen years ago) link

My beard is a curious ginger colour.

tissp! (the impossible shortest specia), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:20 (eighteen years ago) link

leet, so's mine. i'm part tabby, obv.

g-kit (g-kit), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:22 (eighteen years ago) link

I like beards. Matt's is flourishing these days. Not sure about beards with bald heads though, all unbalanced. So, no.

Archel (Archel), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:24 (eighteen years ago) link

I'm thinking about ditching mine. I will canvass lady opinion first though.

Tag (Tag), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:25 (eighteen years ago) link

Peter, Sgs gets back from the US in 19 days time and she does NOT like beards :)

Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:26 (eighteen years ago) link

everyone always says "oh, my girlfriend hates beards, i'm not allowed one" or "i want to know what teh laydeez think of beards lol" and stuff.
which always makes me ask one question: what the fuck to ladies know about beards?

logic, innit?

g-kit (g-kit), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:29 (eighteen years ago) link

YES.

toby (tsg20), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:32 (eighteen years ago) link

Well, I'm all for men making their own facial hair choices, but on the other hand g-kit it should be remembered that the ladies closest to the man in question will most likely have his face in close proximity to her own and probably to other body parts too. So she does get SOME say.

Archel (Archel), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:34 (eighteen years ago) link

If anyone else likes it, it's a bonus...

Tag (Tag), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:36 (eighteen years ago) link

aye, i'm only kidding.
but without going into any detail, oh no, i never demand that any ladies shave... anything.. that... i might... put.. stuff... near...

k thx bye

g-kit (g-kit), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:44 (eighteen years ago) link

I am glad the pendulum of opinion seems to be swinging back in favour of the noble BEARD.

Tom (Groke), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:46 (eighteen years ago) link

i feel like i have been rescued.

g-kit (g-kit), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:47 (eighteen years ago) link

Haha! Well, it's not a case of demand so much as 'have a discussion over something that affects both parties'. Like having kids. Er.

Archel (Archel), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:50 (eighteen years ago) link

yay for the beard. mine is a joke at the moment, and may require some grooming.

Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:52 (eighteen years ago) link

i have a can of worms right here, but i'm just gonna throw it in the trash.

there, all gone.

g-kit (g-kit), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:52 (eighteen years ago) link

> i have a can of worms right here

As a beard? What are you, a gorgon?

Tag (Tag), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:54 (eighteen years ago) link

Markelby, my encouragement was intended for a BEARD FOR LIFE, not until 'er indoors gets home. She'll get used to it! She's only afraid of the excess masculinity it deontes.

Tag, grow it long and wild.

PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:54 (eighteen years ago) link

Anything to stop the Anthony Worrell-Thompson comparisons.

Tag (Tag), Thursday, 13 October 2005 11:56 (eighteen years ago) link

I am contemplating beard removal. You can have mine if you like.

aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 13 October 2005 12:03 (eighteen years ago) link

Shave your head, Tagsworth.

Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 13 October 2005 12:17 (eighteen years ago) link

AND DESTROY MY LUSTROUS GOLDEN LOCKS??? I will do no such thing!

Tag (Tag), Thursday, 13 October 2005 12:28 (eighteen years ago) link

i already have a week's growth right here. is that cheating?

g-kit (g-kit), Thursday, 13 October 2005 12:47 (eighteen years ago) link

wow i shaved mine all off

Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 14 October 2005 13:19 (eighteen years ago) link

i did eventually grew a beard

but now i go entirely hairless

strng hlkngtn: what does it mean? (dubplatestyle), Friday, 14 October 2005 13:20 (eighteen years ago) link

markelby, grow a MOUSTACHE. they're cool.

(even though mine is now long gone.)

grimly fiendish (grimlord), Friday, 14 October 2005 13:38 (eighteen years ago) link

It would take me, based on careful analysis of family patterns, approximately 3.4 years to grow a beard. Unfortunate un-hairy genetic combo to blame.

The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Friday, 14 October 2005 13:48 (eighteen years ago) link

Yes, Markelby. The Peacock Johnson look is just right for you!

PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Friday, 14 October 2005 13:51 (eighteen years ago) link

it took a surprisingly long time for my beard to grow in to any satisfaction, especially considering what a thicket the rest of my body is

strng hlkngtn: what does it mean? (dubplatestyle), Friday, 14 October 2005 13:52 (eighteen years ago) link

T- six months until my beard comes off. Three years will be enough. I'd shave it now, but it's nice to have a beard in the winter.

Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Friday, 14 October 2005 13:58 (eighteen years ago) link

I am planning to grow the second annual Beard of Winter.

Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 14 October 2005 14:13 (eighteen years ago) link

Mark, we'll be able to make a more informed decision if you draw a beard on with permanent marker so we can see what it would look like.

Mädchen (Madchen), Friday, 14 October 2005 14:56 (eighteen years ago) link

There you go:

http://static.flickr.com/30/52420263_19033dd1fe.jpg

Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 14 October 2005 15:41 (eighteen years ago) link

i want to grow a beard but apparently puberty hasn't yet set in for me at 30. actually its settled on my chest.

bingo (Chris V), Friday, 14 October 2005 15:44 (eighteen years ago) link

Don't bother growing a beard. You'll look like a lego pirate with the hat missing :)

jel -- (jel), Friday, 14 October 2005 15:46 (eighteen years ago) link

that picture is getting a lot of mileage today! (xp)

an ex had a stubbly beard, and now when i see corny indie fuxors in half profile with stubbly beards, i think this is sexy. individuals conditioning our sense of what's sexy, c or d?

carly (carly), Friday, 14 October 2005 15:46 (eighteen years ago) link

i want a zz top beard.

bingo (Chris V), Friday, 14 October 2005 15:46 (eighteen years ago) link

You gonna scalp them Bingo?

jel -- (jel), Friday, 14 October 2005 15:47 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.kittenrecords.co.uk/slypics/gkitpiratebeard.jpg

my halloween pirate party is tomorrow. this is the beard i have cultivated. hurrah. how did you other beardies do?

g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 28 October 2005 09:20 (eighteen years ago) link

Is that ginger?

I am jess in the first post, not shaved for a week and thus I have a "beard".

knife (nordicskilla), Friday, 28 October 2005 15:23 (eighteen years ago) link

How does one trim a beard, and trim it well?

knife (nordicskilla), Friday, 28 October 2005 15:24 (eighteen years ago) link

buy a beard trimmer and practice practice practice

alternately, go to a bro salon

strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Friday, 28 October 2005 15:27 (eighteen years ago) link

i am seriously considering growing one again

strongo hulkington's ghost (dubplatestyle), Friday, 28 October 2005 15:27 (eighteen years ago) link

I have done a 180 on this subject and think that everyone should go the grizzly adams route.

So so Krispie (Ex Leon), Friday, 28 October 2005 15:27 (eighteen years ago) link

awwww, thanks for picking me as your gold standard.

F.R.I.E.N.D. (nordicskilla), Friday, 28 October 2005 15:29 (eighteen years ago) link

im in my 3rd beard month now, looking quite karl marx but the tash is starting to get in my mouth yuck, i need a trimmer for that (i always thought it wuz creepy seeing guys COMB their tash but now I understand why - mine certaintly gets a bit gluey after a drink or eat)

Ward Fowler (Ward Fowler), Friday, 28 October 2005 15:33 (eighteen years ago) link

i guess i win the BEARD OFF, then. since nobody else bothered.

what's my prize?

g-kit (g-kit), Saturday, 29 October 2005 08:39 (eighteen years ago) link

Some milk. Apparently kittens like it.

Markelby (Mark C), Saturday, 29 October 2005 09:32 (eighteen years ago) link

i prefer Sailor Moon

gkit_yo, Saturday, 29 October 2005 12:47 (eighteen years ago) link

two months pass...
beard in full motherfuckin eff-iz-ect

gear (gear), Thursday, 19 January 2006 04:17 (eighteen years ago) link

still lovin' my beard, now that I learnt how to trim it.

adamrl (nordicskilla), Thursday, 19 January 2006 04:24 (eighteen years ago) link

speaking of trim, have you scored more since you grew it out? I KNOW I HAVE

gear (gear), Thursday, 19 January 2006 04:25 (eighteen years ago) link

ummm, I'm married.

but yes

adamrl (nordicskilla), Thursday, 19 January 2006 04:27 (eighteen years ago) link

friend of mine told me tonight that my 4-days-and-shave routine leaves me looking like yasir arafat. he suggested going for the beard. i'm dubious. i hate shaving, but i also get itchy at the 4-day point.

yasir arafat?

gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Thursday, 19 January 2006 05:00 (eighteen years ago) link

timing! again, i have big beard. i was off sick for a week, so i've been cultivating. i'm currently sporting my biggest beard EVAH.

the kit! (g-kit), Thursday, 19 January 2006 08:49 (eighteen years ago) link

yasir arafat?

Your friend probably means "yasir arafat, when he was alive".

StanM (StanM), Thursday, 19 January 2006 08:51 (eighteen years ago) link

I love beards, wheres the photo Gear?

She's been known to sleep on piles of dry leaves... (papa november), Thursday, 19 January 2006 09:08 (eighteen years ago) link

i'm gonna get a photo of this one before i have to remove it, i guess.

the kit! (g-kit), Thursday, 19 January 2006 09:58 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.kittenrecords.co.uk/slypics/gkitbeardomg.jpg

scratch scratch!

the kit! (g-kit), Thursday, 19 January 2006 10:04 (eighteen years ago) link

I am almost certain I am shaving mine off tomorrow.

(Had it for 18 months, the last time it was cut back was about in October)

aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 19 January 2006 10:56 (eighteen years ago) link

g-kit you look good with a beard. Matt just trimmed his last night for the first time in ages - it was getting positively rampant.

Archel (Archel), Thursday, 19 January 2006 15:48 (eighteen years ago) link

it's back.

cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 19 January 2006 15:50 (eighteen years ago) link

It is gone. I am beardless.

aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Thursday, 19 January 2006 23:05 (eighteen years ago) link

still lovin' my beard, now that I learnt how to trim it.

how did you learn how to trim it? i've had a beard for awhile, but I look like a homeless guy. I'm trying to figure out how to get it so that it grows longer from the chin part, and have it shorter on jaws/cheeks and still looks good. I haven't ruled out that my facial hair pattern just naturally sucks.

kekkekek, Friday, 20 January 2006 04:43 (eighteen years ago) link

http://www.lo.redjupiter.com/images/jarretthousenorth/ironAndWine2.jpg

i'm jealous.

kekkekek, Friday, 20 January 2006 04:45 (eighteen years ago) link

I shaved off my three week growth last night. Not having a trimmer meant my attempt at a beard was uneven and scraggly so it had to go. Looks a bit weird, especially as the facial fuzz balanced out my overgrown hair. To the hairdressers!

stew!, Friday, 20 January 2006 12:27 (eighteen years ago) link

g-kit you look good with a beard

OH NOES!!!11 i shaved it off last night!

http://www.kittenrecords.co.uk/slypics/gkitnobeard.jpg

the kit! (g-kit), Friday, 20 January 2006 12:52 (eighteen years ago) link

three years pass...

i just lit part of my beard on fire :(

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 16 November 2009 22:58 (fourteen years ago) link

"light your beard on fire (feat. spliff star)"

mr. que, covering up the vital parts, lest he embarrass the ladi (M@tt He1ges0n), Monday, 16 November 2009 22:58 (fourteen years ago) link

SO into my beard right now

admrl, Monday, 16 November 2009 22:59 (fourteen years ago) link

i am now 17 days w/o shaving and i look patchy but decent imo

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 16 November 2009 23:03 (fourteen years ago) link

oh right except for THE SINGES

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 16 November 2009 23:04 (fourteen years ago) link

I misread that as THE SHINGLES and was a bit worried!

hulk would smash (Trayce), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 00:53 (fourteen years ago) link

lmao

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 17 November 2009 00:54 (fourteen years ago) link

so uh how did you accomplish this?

omaha deserved 311 (call all destroyer), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 01:05 (fourteen years ago) link

better your beard than your eyebrows, as I always say

Aimless, Tuesday, 17 November 2009 01:35 (fourteen years ago) link

v windy today and my nearly gone cig went out

i am poor and need to salvage my cigs, so i tried to relight it despite it being v short

wind blew flame at my beard instead

i was on fire

that is the story of how i came to be on fire

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 17 November 2009 01:40 (fourteen years ago) link

i have done this thing

GO THICK AMOS! (jjjusten), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 01:46 (fourteen years ago) link

hoos i am v surprised that u smoke!

plaxico (I know, right?), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 01:46 (fourteen years ago) link

both beard growing and fire face that is xpost

GO THICK AMOS! (jjjusten), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 01:46 (fourteen years ago) link

after shaving a couple of weeks ago, i am regrowing my beard now, but this time not trimming/shaping it at all to see what happens. it looks pretty bad, my facial hair grows slowly and doesn't appear to come in it all right under my chin

congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 01:52 (fourteen years ago) link

haha your beard looks bad

admrl, Tuesday, 17 November 2009 01:59 (fourteen years ago) link

hoos i am v surprised that u smoke!

― plaxico (I know, right?), Tuesday, November 17, 2009 1:46 AM (44 minutes ago) Bookmark

if i had to choose b/w smoking and anything else the anything else would win

thankfully i am young and immortal so

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 17 November 2009 02:35 (fourteen years ago) link

Man, I wish I could grow a beard.

I really want one. A big gingery beard.

LOL my penny (Masonic Boom), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 14:05 (fourteen years ago) link

sorry

plaxico (I know, right?), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 20:51 (fourteen years ago) link

Beards are the only thing I hate about winter. I still shave my legs in the winter -- get with it, males of the species.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST LICK THE BUS DIRECTLY (Laurel), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 20:55 (fourteen years ago) link

i had to put my beard to sleep

rip my beard 1989-2009

velko, Tuesday, 17 November 2009 20:57 (fourteen years ago) link

This is the best photo of my longest phase with a beard (2003-05):
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1239/1425004025_0b1eace3d2.jpg

Nuyorican oatmeal (jaymc), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 21:09 (fourteen years ago) link

i've had a beard since i could

plaxico (I know, right?), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 21:10 (fourteen years ago) link

the jacket/beard combo A++

velko, Tuesday, 17 November 2009 21:12 (fourteen years ago) link

i've had a beard since i could

having a beard > being concerned about having an ID beard

rap band (schlump), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 21:39 (fourteen years ago) link

wsn't really an issue ever BTW I stopped getting IDed when I was 17

plaxico (I know, right?), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 21:40 (fourteen years ago) link

ive had a "beard" since may 2007. but i keep it at like a 2-3 w/ trimmers

max, Tuesday, 17 November 2009 21:52 (fourteen years ago) link

'the panhandler'

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 17 November 2009 21:57 (fourteen years ago) link

i shaved my beard, but it looked terrible, so i grew it back. i am now thinking of shaping it so that it's shorter on the sides but long from the chin. i am not exactly sure how this is done.

Buck Utah (rockapads), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 22:08 (fourteen years ago) link

scissors?

plaxico (I know, right?), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 22:09 (fourteen years ago) link

good call.

Buck Utah (rockapads), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 22:11 (fourteen years ago) link

my moustache keeps falling into my mouth

super sexy psycho fantasy world (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Tuesday, 17 November 2009 22:12 (fourteen years ago) link

That is a mustache, not a beard.

Actually my hair is v. dirty today. Perhaps tonight I will try painting on a full ginger beard.

LOL my penny (Masonic Boom), Wednesday, 18 November 2009 10:17 (fourteen years ago) link

i like the idea of having a beard a lot more than actually having one

mark cl, Wednesday, 18 November 2009 13:29 (fourteen years ago) link

Do they itch?

I always wondered if that beard-scritching thing that boys while thinking do is an affectation, or if they do actually itch.

Results 1 - 10 of about 10,400 for aphex twin tentacle sex (Masonic Boom), Wednesday, 18 November 2009 13:33 (fourteen years ago) link

if you use a shampoo & conditioner it helps the itching. the itchiest part is like weeks 2-4 imo

mark cl, Wednesday, 18 November 2009 13:39 (fourteen years ago) link

i grow a beard every few months, but i've never had a really long one. next time i'm single, maybe. i can grow a respectable 'short' beard in a week.

Louis Cll (darraghmac), Wednesday, 18 November 2009 13:42 (fourteen years ago) link

So it's like any other kinda hair - itches when it's new, but settles in after a few weeks.

Damnm, I want a beard.

And I don't want to have to get a boyfriend to experience beard fun. I want one of mine own.

Results 1 - 10 of about 10,400 for aphex twin tentacle sex (Masonic Boom), Wednesday, 18 November 2009 13:50 (fourteen years ago) link

have never had itch from a beard but like to scratch anyway, is a comfort thing rilly

plaxico (I know, right?), Wednesday, 18 November 2009 20:02 (fourteen years ago) link

THIS IS THE MOST TERRIFYING THING I'VE EVER SEEN.

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2730/4115270731_1c957e1e1d_o.jpg

Maybe I should get a sex change. I'm *much* better looking as a man than I am as a woman.

LOL my penny (Masonic Boom), Wednesday, 18 November 2009 22:08 (fourteen years ago) link

come to mommy

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Wednesday, 18 November 2009 22:44 (fourteen years ago) link

That *really* disturbs me. But the more I thought about it, the more it made me laugh, which only made me look like him *more*. :-O

come to mummy (Masonic Boom), Wednesday, 18 November 2009 22:50 (fourteen years ago) link

just some fyi to you young beardos, when yr gray beard hairs start coming in they will be wirier than regular beard hairs and they won't go in the same direction

WmC, Wednesday, 18 November 2009 22:55 (fourteen years ago) link

i just did some shaping and i fear it was premature

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 20 November 2009 20:33 (fourteen years ago) link

yea premature shaping can totally ruin a beard imo

mark cl, Friday, 20 November 2009 20:43 (fourteen years ago) link

can make it look a little douchey

mark cl, Friday, 20 November 2009 20:43 (fourteen years ago) link

tho hoos i'm sure you don't look like a douche

mark cl, Friday, 20 November 2009 20:43 (fourteen years ago) link

huh i always thing its good to shape early and then let nature work with the seams

plaxico (I know, right?), Friday, 20 November 2009 20:44 (fourteen years ago) link

i shaved my beard, but it looked terrible, so i grew it back. i am now thinking of shaping it so that it's shorter on the sides but long from the chin. i am not exactly sure how this is done.

this is kinda how i went when i was sporting a beard (that i think i'm ready to grow back). i kept it a little longer around the 'stache & chin than the sides. i'm cheap and used scissors (very carefully), but i suppose the multiple settings of decent beard trimmer could be employed.

feed them to the (Linden Ave) lions (will), Friday, 20 November 2009 21:14 (fourteen years ago) link

just some fyi to you young beardos, when yr gray beard hairs start coming in they will be wirier than regular beard hairs and they won't go in the same direction

Last month, I grew a three-week beard for the first time in a few years and was amazed at how gray my chin was. Not terribly surprised, because I can tell from the stubble, but it was still fascinating.

Nuyorican oatmeal (jaymc), Friday, 20 November 2009 21:24 (fourteen years ago) link

I wear mine like this:

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2761/4120784568_66559f316e_m.jpg

I shave around it every day to keep the shape, and trimmed once a week to keep the length close. If I had a more casual work environment, I would just go for this:

http://blogs.phillynews.com/inquirer/inthemix/9189160-9189164-slarge.jpg

Jeff, Friday, 20 November 2009 22:29 (fourteen years ago) link

two years pass...

after 3 weeks, v disappointing. i look like someone covered my neck and jaw in pritt stick and dipped me in hair.

caek, Friday, 1 June 2012 14:46 (eleven years ago) link

Hey look, it's me.

Jeff, Friday, 1 June 2012 16:10 (eleven years ago) link

i swear i'm going to shave this summer. i swear this often. it's been eight years, i was a teenager when i was last clean-shaven. i can't escape.

Merdeyeux, Friday, 1 June 2012 16:26 (eleven years ago) link

i did that a while ago. it was pretty good (i was super scared to do it before for pretty deeply ingrained slightly Samsonesque neurotic reasons)! i have a small mouth, i'd forgotten.

blossom smulch (schlump), Friday, 1 June 2012 16:42 (eleven years ago) link

at this point i refuse to do it because of the nightmarish thought of a week of ppl i know being like "OH MY GAAAWWWWD! you SHAVED!"

call all destroyer, Friday, 1 June 2012 16:43 (eleven years ago) link

my beard is the longest it's been in awhile. i like it (and my hair) trimmed close usually but i'm enjoying being a hairy mess for a change

yorba linda carlisle (donna rouge), Friday, 1 June 2012 17:49 (eleven years ago) link

four months pass...

i bought a comb

caek, Friday, 26 October 2012 08:45 (eleven years ago) link

you know it's long when combing it makes it look better.

i shaved mine recently, after 6 months of being pirate-level. i look like a child.

Heterocyclic ring ring (LocalGarda), Friday, 26 October 2012 08:49 (eleven years ago) link

I haven't shaved in a while. Normally I'm clean shaven. Sometimes I forget - especially at the moment since there's no proper mirror in my house and I tend to shower at work. For a while I just look halfway between a stud and a slob and then a tramp depending on the angle and what I'm wearing. Then I shave and my top lip goes all fat and weird.

make like a steak and beef (dog latin), Friday, 26 October 2012 08:53 (eleven years ago) link

I grew a beard through last winter after I did Movember. I'm planning on doing the same this year - I enjoyed it, and got an awful lot of compliments.

comedy is unnatural and abhorrent (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 26 October 2012 08:56 (eleven years ago) link

how do people maintain a beard at regular length? I grow one and then I have to shave it all off...

make like a steak and beef (dog latin), Friday, 26 October 2012 09:02 (eleven years ago) link

you trim it

Heterocyclic ring ring (LocalGarda), Friday, 26 October 2012 09:05 (eleven years ago) link

that way you can regulate the length

Heterocyclic ring ring (LocalGarda), Friday, 26 October 2012 09:05 (eleven years ago) link

imagine, if you will, that the beard is say, a hedge in someone's garden. as the hedge grows, the owner uses a hedge-cutting device to remove the unwieldy branches that sprout ever higher.

now imagine that that hedge is on your face, the branches the hair that grows there, and you the hedge owner. in place of a hedge-cutting device you have another device, let's call it a facial hair trimming machine. you apply to this to your face, as the hedge owner the hedge-cutting device to the hedge, and shape or "trim" away the excess hair.

Heterocyclic ring ring (LocalGarda), Friday, 26 October 2012 09:07 (eleven years ago) link

thanks LG. Very helpful. But my razor cuts to zero and so does my electric. do you have to buy a whole new thing?

make like a steak and beef (dog latin), Friday, 26 October 2012 09:19 (eleven years ago) link

Yes, you do. You can buy a specifically-designed beard-trimmer from Boots or Amazon etc etc etc for anywhere between £20 and £100.

comedy is unnatural and abhorrent (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 26 October 2012 09:21 (eleven years ago) link

Or probably a diamond-encrusted one from harrods for £2000.

comedy is unnatural and abhorrent (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 26 October 2012 09:21 (eleven years ago) link

buy a beard trimmer and you'll prob only need to buy one pack of disposable razors a year, unless you need to be cueball shaved on the reg.

Heterocyclic ring ring (LocalGarda), Friday, 26 October 2012 09:24 (eleven years ago) link

cool. my world has been changed!

make like a steak and beef (dog latin), Friday, 26 October 2012 09:27 (eleven years ago) link

haha, I know that was a pretty dumb question but other than the 3 months when I jsut didn't shave, I've always been completely clean-shaven and it never struck me that beard trimmers existed!

make like a steak and beef (dog latin), Friday, 26 October 2012 09:28 (eleven years ago) link

I clean-shave once a week, generally on a Monday, unles I've got an important meeting or something later in the week, when I might shave again. That's less often these days - I deal much more with academics and students these days, and they're seldom clean-shaven.

comedy is unnatural and abhorrent (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 26 October 2012 10:02 (eleven years ago) link

^ Broken Britain

Named locally as Tom D (Tom D.), Friday, 26 October 2012 10:04 (eleven years ago) link

The answer to this question is always yes.

Jeff, Friday, 26 October 2012 11:47 (eleven years ago) link

i always lose my enthusiasm for this look at about 8 weeks. which is now.

last week's meme (Hunt3r), Friday, 26 October 2012 13:08 (eleven years ago) link

one year passes...

hi beardos, i have an embarrassing issue so i'm going to state it publicly and ask for advice because it's 2014.

i'm trying to grow this beard thing. first time. it started off looking like a really bad teenbeard, as i knew it would, but after a few weeks it filled in a little. things are ok. oh yeah, except for one thing:

it doesn't grow up at the top, starting at about an inch beneath my ears. there's a gap. it's embarrassing. people are asking me if i'm doing it on purpose. what a fucking disaster.

what should i do? is this is a sign from above? do i just keep waiting? do i fake it and do some sort of blended thing where i trim it so that it gradually fades in? do i ditch the teenbeard and just go with the mustache alone? give it another 15 years and try again? wtf is wrong with me?

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:07 (ten years ago) link

When I was younger, I had that problem. As I got older, hair started growing in that little area between sideburn and beard and has done so ever since. I don't know how much that had to do with shaving and how much that had to do with just biological aging or what.

Johnny Fever, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:09 (ten years ago) link

Just keep waiting. It will come. Unless it doesn't. Then I don't know what to do with you.

Jeff, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:10 (ten years ago) link

It took until my 30s for the mustache to come in. It's not the thick, luscious Selleck like mustache I desire, but it suffices.

Jeff, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:11 (ten years ago) link

visual representation of the problem:

http://i.imgur.com/DJhb2jG.jpg

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:23 (ten years ago) link

Oh dear, that's much more severe a hair deficit than I had ever suffered, but my brother was sort of in your boat and his finally started coming in after he turned 32 or so.

Johnny Fever, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:24 (ten years ago) link

this morning's division meeting took an excruciating turn when someone mentioned the gap, and then someone else said something about it looking like abe lincoln, and then someone else who felt sorry for me tried to make me feel better by reminding everyone that abe lincoln was a great president

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:24 (ten years ago) link

i mean seriously, should i just shave off this monstrosity, deal with a few more days of awkward comments at work about how it's not there any more, and move on with my life?

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:25 (ten years ago) link

http://www.probertencyclopaedia.com/j/Anchor_Beard.jpg

mookieproof, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:27 (ten years ago) link

Looks kind of neckbeardy. I would lose it.

sonderborg, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:28 (ten years ago) link

Revisit the idea again in a year or two and see how things develop. Don't go around looking like Andrew Luck, though.

Johnny Fever, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:28 (ten years ago) link

is there anything happening in the gap at all? any hopeful blonde shoots?

if not, you need to shave it.

dylannn, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:29 (ten years ago) link

like...just a few? not too many! i wish i could just go off to an island for a few months and see what happens, away from the judging eyes of humanity

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:31 (ten years ago) link

ok. think i'm going to shave it. leave the stache for an evening, but maybe ditch that as well. RIP 2014 halfbeard. i'll try again when i'm even older

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:42 (ten years ago) link

i'll probably be able to grow a full beard on my butt before i can grow one on my face

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:43 (ten years ago) link

happens to the best of us

caek, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:43 (ten years ago) link

another decade or two and you can grow your ear hair out to cover the empty spots

mookieproof, Wednesday, 5 February 2014 22:44 (ten years ago) link

it is done.

Karl Malone, Thursday, 6 February 2014 00:27 (ten years ago) link

what a nightmare

Karl Malone, Thursday, 6 February 2014 00:27 (ten years ago) link

Oh man - had excellent advice to give. If only I had seen this sooner

, Thursday, 6 February 2014 00:55 (ten years ago) link

what was the advice?

Karl Malone, Thursday, 6 February 2014 00:58 (ten years ago) link

Shave it. Shave it all

, Thursday, 6 February 2014 00:59 (ten years ago) link

i felt your advice waves enter my mind before you even projected them, and carried out the task

Karl Malone, Thursday, 6 February 2014 01:01 (ten years ago) link

i think you have to go past the point you would feel comfortable with elsewhere on your face, until everything you need bearded is bearded

then trim the rest to suit

and never shave it again

that's how to do it

then other men will know that you are a patient man who can be relied upon when things are really important (e.g. growing beards)

j., Thursday, 6 February 2014 01:01 (ten years ago) link

four months pass...

So is growing a beard really a painstakingly slow process for some men?

, Wednesday, 2 July 2014 18:25 (nine years ago) link

i had completely forgotten about my abandoned factory/bustling courtyard dilemma until this thread, unlike the hair that hypothetically would grow near my upperjaws, popped up

Karl Malone, Wednesday, 2 July 2014 18:27 (nine years ago) link

it is a very uneven process for me. I could have a very full midwestern goatee very quickly, but everything else is pretty sparse.

Sufjan Grafton, Wednesday, 2 July 2014 18:27 (nine years ago) link

Mine seems to have reached a peak where it won't grow much further. It's okay though.

3kDk (dog latin), Thursday, 3 July 2014 13:05 (nine years ago) link

Just keep trying guys.

Jeff, Thursday, 3 July 2014 13:57 (nine years ago) link

i tried growing a beard a while ago and got the same factory floor problem. i can grow a pretty legit mustache, though, but it makes me look like I'm trying out a Sgt. Peppers costume for Halloween. i've just resigned myself to no facial hair at all.

Spectrum, Thursday, 3 July 2014 14:14 (nine years ago) link

Don't think I can shave again in case this happens:

http://www.webburgr.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/shave-beard-001.jpg

(with thanks to pfunkboy)

3kDk (dog latin), Thursday, 3 July 2014 14:16 (nine years ago) link

You know, there may be a point in your life where looking younger, one might even say "boyish," will be feature not bug.

Orson Wellies (in orbit), Thursday, 3 July 2014 14:21 (nine years ago) link

haha, it's the next day after shaving though - it takes your face a while to recover and until then you get this weird puffy top lip and your face looks like a marshmallow.

3kDk (dog latin), Thursday, 3 July 2014 14:24 (nine years ago) link

So glad my current bf can't grow a not-laughable beard and I will never have to have this conversation with him.

Orson Wellies (in orbit), Thursday, 3 July 2014 14:26 (nine years ago) link

this arbitrary thing about my body gives me points in the man club scam, yaaaay

mattresslessness, Thursday, 3 July 2014 14:37 (nine years ago) link

i am never growing a beard

guwop (crüt), Thursday, 3 July 2014 14:46 (nine years ago) link

you should grow a beard

Sufjan Grafton, Thursday, 3 July 2014 14:51 (nine years ago) link

Grow a beard.

Jeff, Thursday, 3 July 2014 14:59 (nine years ago) link

Stop hiding behind that beard, it alternately mutes and distorts your facial expressions

brimstead, Thursday, 3 July 2014 15:22 (nine years ago) link

existential beard problems.

why does the beard exist? what is the purpose of the beard? can one truly be fulfilled by achieving the perfect beard?

, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:06 (nine years ago) link

that cartoon is v accurate to my experience, was surprising to shave for the first time in eight years and be faced with the me of eight years ago.

Merdeyeux, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:13 (nine years ago) link

shaved mine this morning (not because of this thread)

Brad C., Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:15 (nine years ago) link

People with beards should be put to death

, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:17 (nine years ago) link

yeah that cartoon way otm. just cut mine off for the first time in a couple years cuz i'm in a play and it took me from like 35 to 18. (i am neither of these ages.)

difficult listening hour, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:17 (nine years ago) link

I've grown mine into a corner, it's become too thick that I don't know how to extend length without it getting out of control. I guess the trick is to trim the sides and let it grow off thin jawline?

Fiddler on a hot tin roof (ed.b), Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:22 (nine years ago) link

yeah i never mastered the late stage.

difficult listening hour, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:24 (nine years ago) link

(it is easier to imagine the end of the world than to imagine a change to my beard)

difficult listening hour, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:24 (nine years ago) link

yea having a well-kept, maintained, long beard is a challenge. i find it easier to just keep a very short beard that is trimmed to stubble once a month or so. mine is super-thick, dark and curly and it gets unruly pretty fast.

thank god i stopped shaving a few years ago, my life improved dramatically. shaving was fucking miserable, especially w/ the beard my genes gave me. my skin is so much healthier now.

marcos, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:29 (nine years ago) link

the lengths i went to try to get a smooth, comfortable, and irritation-free shave were painstaking, and i would never even call even the best shaves i had "comfortable"

marcos, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:32 (nine years ago) link

Shaving is the worst. It's a never ending battle.

Jeff, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:33 (nine years ago) link

plus the money i spent on expensive, garbage razors from gillette. i bought a fancy german double-edge razor that you use with actual razor blades but i never managed to master it enough to get a good shave.

i don't even shape my beard any more, just trim it down with a 1/8 inch guard on hair clippers once a month. looks better and i am much happier.

marcos, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:36 (nine years ago) link

I lose control and shave mine off once a year, and each year I say "I'll not doing that again!" because of how weird I think my face looks without it. I'd love to do a big Rick Rubin/Santa Claus thing when I'm an old man, but I'll have to overcome the hurdle of compulsively keeping it trimmed up.

Johnny Fever, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:36 (nine years ago) link

I'll not *be

Johnny Fever, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:36 (nine years ago) link

seems like shaping a neckline or a cheek line and keeping that maintained is as much work as shaving

marcos, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:37 (nine years ago) link

haha by "compulsively keeping it trimmed up" I don't mean a whole lot daily maintenance. More like you with the clippers, except maybe once every two weeks instead of once a month.

Johnny Fever, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:39 (nine years ago) link

clippers are the only thing i touch when bearded too. even when i want to shape a lil i just remove the guard and scrape the hair off with the clipper, which i'm not even positive you're supposed to do. actual shaving is such a fuckin production, or at least it would be if i were any good at choosing long-term happiness and painlessness over short-term convenience. when i was a kid my dad told me that shaving cream was a manufactured need (disguising as anticapitalism what in retrospect was probably just "men's grooming products are evil" or possibly "comfort is evil") and that all i had to do was take a hot shower first, and i was in my 20s before i was finally sure that while this may not have been bullshit for his face it was for mine.

difficult listening hour, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:40 (nine years ago) link

not that i remember to buy shaving cream, now.

difficult listening hour, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:41 (nine years ago) link

my trimming method is to every month or so hack away with scissors until it looks okay / doesn't get any shorter. variable results.

the fuckin production that is actual shaving is definitely one of my biggest reasons for being bearded, i have to treat the razor like sandpaper on the particularly gnarled piece of wood that is my face to be actually clean-shaven. or maybe i just don't know how to shave.

Merdeyeux, Thursday, 3 July 2014 17:55 (nine years ago) link

I came down with beard dandruff last week for my first time ever in beard ownership. That was an unpleasant surprise. Selsun Blue took care of it just fine, but it came to prominence on a day when I was wearing a black shirt.

how's life, Thursday, 3 July 2014 18:01 (nine years ago) link

My beard is mostly a way to avoid the perpetual chore of shaving, which I despise. That, and it compensates somewhat for the barrenness on the top of my head.

Aimless, Thursday, 3 July 2014 18:05 (nine years ago) link

It comes and goes depending on the atmosphere/your skin/whether or not the day ends in a "y". One of the only perks of shaving off the whole beard is that you're finally able to scrub your face directly without whisker interference and it feels WONDERFUL.

Johnny Fever, Thursday, 3 July 2014 18:05 (nine years ago) link

a strong breeze is much improved too, unless this feeling is just novelty.

difficult listening hour, Thursday, 3 July 2014 19:00 (nine years ago) link

Does it take anyone else like half an hour to 45 mins to shave? It's always been like this. Granted, a lot of that is bathroom cleanup time. Shit goes everywhere.

I will be bearded most of my life.

Dreamland, Thursday, 3 July 2014 23:05 (nine years ago) link

oh yea, it was always a 45-minute affair. when i did shave i would still only do it twice a week, (say monday & thursday to cover the work week) because 1) i couldn't reasonably commit 45 minutes every morning and 2)my face would be ripped apart and 3) it would never give the facial hair a chance to grow out of my skin. curlier beards are much more prone to ingrown hairs and the more i shaved the more i would get them. i'm so happy not to have to deal with that. i still have my razor in my closet for some reason but i can reasonably say i will never use it again.

marcos, Thursday, 3 July 2014 23:56 (nine years ago) link

It's the summertime, it's too damn hot out even wo a beard.

©Oz Quiz© (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 3 July 2014 23:59 (nine years ago) link

Seen my dad once w/o a beard and it was WEIRD

brimstead, Friday, 4 July 2014 01:51 (nine years ago) link

brimstead, my dad shaved off his beard when i was about 8 years old. i freaked out and refused to talk to him for about two days.

3kDk (dog latin), Friday, 4 July 2014 09:37 (nine years ago) link

three years pass...

Somehow my facial hair started coming in much better than it used to, which I thought wasn't supposed to happen. Maybe it's an age thing. Anyway I've wanted to grow one all my life, so it's finally time. I feel a little late to the beard party at this point since it seems like every fucking guy under 40 has had a beard at some point in the last decade, but my plan is just to grow a nice, full but short beard that sticks with the profile of my face rather than adding much mass to it. Kind of psyched for it.

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Sunday, 14 January 2018 04:28 (six years ago) link

Yeah. It's a nice look. And it minimizes shaving, too!

A is for (Aimless), Sunday, 14 January 2018 04:49 (six years ago) link

So recommend be some kind of beard oil/conditioner/softener that isn't ridiculously expensive and overblown

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Friday, 19 January 2018 06:06 (six years ago) link

But it opens the possibility of having to explain that you're not a terrorist

remember the lmao (darraghmac), Friday, 19 January 2018 07:44 (six years ago) link

You don't need beard oil really, not unless you're planning to grow a full-on 2014 viking beard.
I was playing a client one of our video productions the other day and the actor/model in the video had one of those gigantic square beards and brown brogues and it looked SO of its time, even though that time was only 4 years ago

Badgers (dog latin), Friday, 19 January 2018 08:52 (six years ago) link

Always knew I could grow a beard, grew a beard for the first time a little over a year ago. Kept it. It's great. Better than shaving.

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 19 January 2018 12:26 (six years ago) link

It's always fun to see what color it grows in. Currently I am rocking, in the words of a friend, the Michael Gross.

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 19 January 2018 12:27 (six years ago) link

I was just thinking about how dated big beards already look right now. Whereas I think a nice trim beard is a solid look.

Another q: at what point should I start using a trimmer to neaten it up a bit. I’m def hitting a scraggly well more than stubble but not quite full beard phase now and I feel like it looks slightly unprofessional for the office. Do I need to wait it out?

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Friday, 19 January 2018 13:06 (six years ago) link

Shape around the edges, but wait out the length.

Jeff, Friday, 19 January 2018 13:10 (six years ago) link

'It's not a beard until you shave it off" is the rule i heard. so I'd wait until it's looking just a bit too long and then trim it

Badgers (dog latin), Friday, 19 January 2018 13:10 (six years ago) link

yes, but what jeff said

Badgers (dog latin), Friday, 19 January 2018 13:10 (six years ago) link

I think beard trimming is less about length and more about uniform length. Another important thing I have learned through experience is that you still need to exfoliate and scrub, especially if you are used to shaving.

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 19 January 2018 13:12 (six years ago) link

Re tidying up even while growing out the length, it's advisable to trim those parts that are getting scraggly imo. Just trim to the average length every week or w/e

remember the lmao (darraghmac), Friday, 19 January 2018 13:23 (six years ago) link

I’ve done the beard for over a decade now and my basic routine is to shave neck/edges every weekday morning and overall trim every week or two if I’m lazy.

Jeff, Friday, 19 January 2018 13:30 (six years ago) link

Every weekday morning!

remember the lmao (darraghmac), Friday, 19 January 2018 13:32 (six years ago) link

It takes about 10 seconds in the shower.

Jeff, Friday, 19 January 2018 13:43 (six years ago) link

Yeah my instinct already told me to shave the stray hairs around my Adam’s apple and upper cheeks. I keep the top of it roughly in line with the top of my moustache.

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Friday, 19 January 2018 14:07 (six years ago) link

i've had a very short, trim beard for about 5 years now. maintaining it is 100x easier than shaving. i hated shaving so much. i use a decent set of hair clippers and trim it to 1/8" every three weeks. i'm too lazy to shape it so i just trim the length. 1/8" is a little short, like longer stubble, and i'd probably have a better result doing 1/4" every week but i don't feel like trimming it that often. i've thought about growing a bigger garcia circa 1971 beard but it seems like it'd feel a little unkempt. mine's already pretty dark and thick

marcos, Friday, 19 January 2018 20:39 (six years ago) link

how is a beard dated fuck off

clouds, Sunday, 21 January 2018 04:00 (six years ago) link

tbf I didn't mean so much "big beards" as overly styled steampunky big beards

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Sunday, 21 January 2018 04:03 (six years ago) link

Feel like it’s starting to fill out

https://imgur.com/a/uuBgR

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Sunday, 21 January 2018 04:08 (six years ago) link

ahh then yes agreed but that was never a good look to begin with

clouds, Sunday, 21 January 2018 04:29 (six years ago) link

looks good imo. nice sleepy dad pic too lol

marcos, Sunday, 21 January 2018 04:42 (six years ago) link

i just got into beard oil recently, i have a short beard but it def helps with the under-beard skin not getting dried out and gross and there are tons of amazing scents.

for trimming i just got this guy for xmas: https://www.usa.philips.com/c-p/BT7215_49/norelco-beardtrimmer-7200-vacuum-beard-trimmer-series-7000

and i'm a huge fan. it's precise and comfortable and the vacuum is a huge help with cleanup. i used to dread trimming but now it's a pleasure.

call all destroyer, Sunday, 21 January 2018 04:58 (six years ago) link

Every weekday morning!

― remember the lmao (darraghmac), Friday, January 19, 2018 1:32 PM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag PostPermalink

It takes about 10 seconds in the shower.

― Jeff, Friday, January 19, 2018 1:43 PM (two days ago)Bookmark Flag Post Permalink


Shower every morning!

lana del boy (ledge), Sunday, 21 January 2018 12:40 (six years ago) link

i've decides the reason i have a beard is so i can spend zero time on facial hair care. it keeps itself to a reasonable length, bit straggly but not too bad, could shave my neck but fuck it i'm a dad now so i'm allowed to look a bit rough round the edges.

lana del boy (ledge), Sunday, 21 January 2018 12:43 (six years ago) link

dad privilege

Luna Schlosser, Sunday, 21 January 2018 13:05 (six years ago) link

xxp otm

remember the lmao (darraghmac), Sunday, 21 January 2018 13:40 (six years ago) link

I think objectively I look better with a beard but I don’t want one.

treeship 2, Tuesday, 23 January 2018 03:40 (six years ago) link

I get in a habit of letting it grow for a week and a half and I start to get compliments but then I always decide to shave it off

treeship 2, Tuesday, 23 January 2018 03:41 (six years ago) link

you should suit yourself. it's your face.

A is for (Aimless), Tuesday, 23 January 2018 03:53 (six years ago) link

But you should also try to suit your face tbh

remember the lmao (darraghmac), Tuesday, 23 January 2018 08:48 (six years ago) link

so far my fav thing about growing a beard is actually the tiny hands of my kids curiously feeling the beard

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Thursday, 25 January 2018 21:12 (six years ago) link

<3

marcos, Thursday, 25 January 2018 21:18 (six years ago) link

two weeks pass...

I got that norelco vacuum trimmer as recommended and gave it my first trim tonight as it was looking scraggly -- used the 7.5 guard and it definitely has more of that neat "corporate beard" look to it now. Took several passes to get it even, my beard hairs are pretty thick.

Fedora Dostoyevsky (man alive), Friday, 9 February 2018 03:20 (six years ago) link

man

you've sold out

j., Friday, 9 February 2018 04:17 (six years ago) link

lol yeah

I do want to grow it a little longer but I've heard it's better to trim it even from time to time while growing it out

Fedora Dostoyevsky (man alive), Friday, 9 February 2018 04:54 (six years ago) link

I’m going to bring it back I think

El Tomboto, Friday, 9 February 2018 05:37 (six years ago) link

two weeks pass...

I feel like people respond to me differently with the beard. Whether that's a result of its effect on my own psychology or on my appearance, it's a good thing.

Fedora Dostoyevsky (man alive), Sunday, 25 February 2018 16:33 (six years ago) link

is this the thread where we recommend a decent trimmer preferably retailing around 100 euros?

niels, Sunday, 25 February 2018 16:59 (six years ago) link

Get a Wahl if you can. I got the Peanut based on the wirecutter rec and it does a good job + super easy to clean.

https://thewirecutter.com/reviews/best-beard-trimmer/

El Tomboto, Sunday, 25 February 2018 17:03 (six years ago) link

that's very reasonably priced, thanks!

niels, Sunday, 25 February 2018 17:23 (six years ago) link

I feel like people respond to me differently with the beard.

Not noticed in my case, but when i went conventional stache only style for last 2 summers this seemed def true (plus family mostly _loathe_ it lol).

Global Arming's Terrifying Old Math$ (Hunt3r), Sunday, 25 February 2018 18:21 (six years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KenydTXfzvo

sleepingbag, Sunday, 25 February 2018 18:53 (six years ago) link

five months pass...

Does anyone trim their underbeard shorter than their beard? My beard is both wooly and a little patchy, so I need to grow it long enough to cover the patches, but if I grow the underbeard to the same length it starts to add volume that I don't want.

Fedora Dostoyevsky (man alive), Thursday, 26 July 2018 22:04 (five years ago) link

Yes, I trim to 3mm on the moustache and underchin area, 5mm for chin and jawline UGH TOO MUCH INFORMATION MAKES ME SOUND LIKE CRAIG DAVID

an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Thursday, 26 July 2018 22:33 (five years ago) link

I shave in the direction of Joel-Kinnaman-in-The-Killing now, but I still refuse to use the trimmer more than once every couple of weeks so it sometimes gets a bit 1970s

El Tomboto, Friday, 27 July 2018 00:40 (five years ago) link

man alive, I would strongly recommend you trim your beard in whatever way you think looks nicest on you and you're willing to put up with.

A is for (Aimless), Friday, 27 July 2018 01:39 (five years ago) link

so basically RIP IT OUT ONE HAIR AT A TIME

El Tomboto, Friday, 27 July 2018 02:17 (five years ago) link

ten months pass...

FWIW I switched to a Wahl trimmer and find it works way better than the Philips -- takes less than half the time to do an even trim. I'm experimenting with lengths now -- gradually increasing the guard size I use and I'm up to the 16mm for the face and 10 or 13mm for the underside (plus a little spot trimming). Kind of curious to see whether it gets more or less bushy as it lengthens. I've also been combing it a lot with the tiny fine comb that came with the trimmer, which seems to help with the unruliness.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Wednesday, 29 May 2019 18:29 (four years ago) link

one month passes...

keeping a short covering in situ for a while now

ive hair like brillo tho

obv dont want to purchase anything that whiney would rightly mock on a thread about the immorality of marketing anything towards men

so can anyone tell me how to soften my beard while avoiding paying ten times whats necessary for something in a lumberjack tin

thanks x

phil neville jacket (darraghmac), Friday, 19 July 2019 14:03 (four years ago) link

Jojoba oil.

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 19 July 2019 14:09 (four years ago) link

thks jojosh

phil neville jacket (darraghmac), Friday, 19 July 2019 14:25 (four years ago) link

I use conditioner. Also bought some beard oil and some beard balm, which I haven't used yet.

beard papa, Friday, 19 July 2019 17:07 (four years ago) link

just normal conditioner?

phil neville jacket (darraghmac), Friday, 19 July 2019 17:44 (four years ago) link

I've always heard that conditioner, while it makes your beard feel soft, is actually bad for your face. Maybe that's bs.

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 19 July 2019 17:46 (four years ago) link

yeah, just normal hair conditioner.

Hmm... Now I guess I need to look into whether it’s bad for skin. Haven’t noticed anything bad yet. I use some Aveena stuff.

beard papa, Saturday, 20 July 2019 07:42 (four years ago) link

The cheap coconut oil shampoo from the health food store does very well for me. Good for the skin too.

American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Sunday, 21 July 2019 00:46 (four years ago) link

two months pass...

Sometimes I wonder: will I ever go back? I think not. Or at least not until my face looks much older.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Thursday, 3 October 2019 17:20 (four years ago) link

eleven months pass...

I briefly shaved mine off and didn’t like the result. Have grown it back to 9mm and I think I’m just going to keep it there. I find a daily 2-min trim is the best way to keep it neat - catch those stray longhairs and give the edges a chance to grow in for a fuller shape.

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Friday, 18 September 2020 13:36 (three years ago) link

one year passes...

This is more of a sideburns Q than a beard Q, but I have been trying to keep my beard neater and trimming it more regularly (I wear it short). As my hair grows, I've noticed it's really hard to trim my sideburns in a way that looks good without getting a bit of a toupee effect, i.e. the point at which my sideburns meets where my hair gets longer always looks fucked up. I've tried lifting the trimmer gradually and "fading" it, but I can't get it right. Any tips?

longtime caller, first time listener (man alive), Sunday, 1 May 2022 20:33 (one year ago) link


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