Every job you've ever done

ALBANY, NY
-Xerox operator at printing press
-McDonalds bod
-Wendy's bod
-Customer Service Person/Cashier at Woolworths
-Cashier at Caldor
-Data Entry/Fingerprint scanning at NYS DCJS
-Kentucky Fiend Chicken bod
-loads of other data entry jobs I can't even recall
NEW YORK CITY
-Cashier at Tower Records
-entered test results at blood lab
-several other temp data entry jobs
-accounts receivable clerk at video manufacturer
-more temp work
-accounts payable at diamond importers
-data entry to database programming at Mortgage Backed Securities due dillegence consultant
LONDON
-database admin then webmaster/web designer at ad agency
-freelance web designer
-freelance database programmer
-data entry/accounts receivable clerk
-database programmer

Wow, it's astonishing my resume is only 2 pages long, but I leave out most of the short term things.

Currently, I could make more money stacking shelves at asda wal-mart (true) do not repair bicycles for a living.

Paperboy
Supermarket Shelf-stacker
Admin assistant
Sales assisant
Barman
DTP/Admin clerk
Designer/promotions assistant
Junior designer
Designer
Senior Library Assistant
Freelance designer

PA to: TV producer x2, film producer x 2, film/theatre agent x 2;

Researcher for famous novelist recently mentioned in ILX thread;

Audience co-ordinator for crappy gameshow;

Development manager for major children's TV company;

Freelance scriptreader, several major production & distibution cos & agencies;

Chatroom moderator & manager;

Scriptwriter, script editor;

Hairdresser's junior;

Telemarketeer;

Receptionist, dogsbody, accounts assistant.

(not in that order)

(These are the jobs I've been paid to do, I've done a fair amount of things for free as well.)

ann arbor:
different department store. worked as a 'floater'.
grading standardized tests
host in restaurants
photographing frat parties
substitute teacher
(all while working at department store)

chicago:
law firm
'talent scout'
volunteer board member

london:
charity worker

probably some i can't remember. a much shorter list than kate and nordic!

Haha I misread that as freelance stripteaser!

tv on-air personality
carpet installer's assistant
stage crew for big dumb country music festival
camp counsellor
credit card application solicitator
time-share vacation sales assistant
snow mobile trail maintenance stooge
library assistant
construction/renovation stooge
archives assistant
boucheron (french-canadian lumberjack--swear to god!)
walking trail builder
watershed conservation stooge
elementary school teacher's assistant
tramp (lived by wits and thumb for three months)
graveyard shift grocery store stocker
dishwasher
mover
drywall sander
dishwasher
freelance writer
line cook (a promotion!)
sous-chef (well, kitchen staff of two and I was not #1)
retail sales (ladies' costume jewelry)
dishwasher (a demotion!)
university student (beginning to realize work sucks)
line cook (a promotion, but hey! pay CUT!)
student press editor
mall santa
university drop-out (beginning to realize school don't pay)
busboy at bar
edit'l ass't

(probably a few more, incl. volunteer stuff and stuff I forgot about by the grace of God)

;-)

kitchen staff @ christian nursing home
coffee maker & ice cream scooper @ small local ice cream place
chemistry/SAT tutor
researcher/scientist (inorganic chemistry)
researcher/scientist (toxicology)
record seller @ small indie record store
office temp
database developer/programmer

paper round
deputy garden centre manager at Texas homecare (with a side order of putting furniture together)
dishwasher at Debenhams
admin assistant for employment service
marketing analyst for a Marketing firm based at Staples corner
customer service bod
inventory controller
Logistics planner

Also, what's a sticky kid?

Kate, you are right to fear sgs - she's super strong.

Paperboy
Tomato Picker
Newsagent Shop Worker
Exam Script Librarian
Book And Comic Buyer
Research Executive
European Market Analyst

Waitress
Hospital Cleaner
Barmaid
PA to Nightclub Management/Music Promotion type people
Care Assistant
Secretary
Receptionist
Call Centre drone
Data Entry drone
Filing cheques for banks (two different banks! some employment agency took one look at me and went "bet she can put cheques in numerical order")
Customer Account Management / Sales Admin for soul-destroying multinational company
Campaigns organiser for charity (the only unpaid job of my list)
Archive assistant for local council
Recruitment assistant
Assistant in a council department where people needed to know stuff about EU directives
Making up UB40s (which may also be what Chris meant by "admin assistant for employment service" as I think that was my real job title)

There must be more than this, but I can't remember.

Systems analyst
Software assessor / general computer dogsbody
Programmer / analyst
Directory Enquiries Customer Services Representative
DQ Quality Assessor

Where DID my life go?

admin assistant at telephone company
librarian at private library
admin assistant at telephone company again
librarian at school
admin assistant at bookstore
DJ
Program Director

I've been lucky.

and freelance striptease artist sounds like newspeak for flasher

paperboy
dishwasher
tour guide
restaurant host
bass player
paralegal
bartender
legal intern
lawyer
film critic

House sitter/Dog Walker
Babysitter
Waitresses/Hostess at gross steak house
Mailroom clerk
Concessions stand worker at a movie theatre
Temporary receptionist at a pipe company
Filing clerk for a medical waste company
Student Librarian
Food preparer/Hostess at a tiny vegetarian restaurant
Sandwhich maker at a small cheese shop
Receptionist for a government tax department
Human Resources administrator for a car company
Real Estate Assistant

Though technically, the money would come from being a songwriter, cause that's what the royalties were for. So add songwriter to my list.

It's amazing how much of my musical "career" (either professionally or non-professionally) I've managed to consciously wipe from my mind.

Yes, we are. But Nick, doing a bunch of shitty jobs != "doing something" with your life!!

You talking to me, Mark? If so - whuh?

Um, no, nordy - yetimike (?) posted that as a previous career. Sorry, x-post.

Babysitter
Short-order cook in drugstore soda fountain
Sales assistant at clothes store
Dish busser
SPINtern
Body Shop sales assistant
Administrator for anti-censorship charity
Freelance writer
Advertising copywriter
London correspondent for US music magazine
Writer/Editor/Author

(if I ever label myself as 'broadcaster' pls shoot me thx bye)

So, yeah, um, remember that, next time you disparage your neighborhood crackheads and dope fiends -- they work hard too!!! (PS I am clean & sober 9 years now -- not tooting my horn, or anything else, just trying to add perspective after being maybe-flippant about a real issue.)

File clerk, insurance company
File clerk, psychiatric hospital
Intern, textbook publisher
Intern, indie record label
Building painter, college renovation crew
Administrative assistant, telecommunications company
Fact-checker/copyeditor, textbook development firm

I've had two very brief temp jobs related to the New York Times, one copying old photographs from their archives for the Century issue of the Magazine, and the other doing research for a freelancer working on a New York Times travel guide re the NYC tri-state region.

The rest of my jobs were Summer Internships, in order:
U.S. Senator from NY, now deceased
NY Congressman who is now a Senator
(my) Congresswoman (still)
Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, Press Office
CNN Weekend Political interview division
The White House (no, I didn't know Monica)
Paralegal Assistant, large corporate law firm
Research Assistant, law professor and legal clinic
Intern, Solicitor's office of U.S. Gov't cabinet dept.
Intern, "boutique" corporate law firm

Presidential Candidate

and I was going to recommend this based upon the qualifications

What the fuck is a bicycle burrito??!!

Hah. Do I have to spell it out for you?

working on a farm
babysitting
house/petsitting
model for a pediatrics textbook
working at mcdonald's
working at a bakery
housepainting
lawnmowing
camp counsellor
french tutor
working the front desk at the dorms
retail: floor paeon (arranging displays and being the salespeoples' bitch), stockperson (everyone else was boys, that was fun), cashier, salesperson.
waitress/banquet cocktail waitress
software tester
editor (sort of pre-editor, actually)
data entry
medical guinea pig

in chronological order

leaf raker
trash dumper
dish washer
sandwich maker
vegetable farmer
wood cutter
water truck driver
septic truck driver
gas station attendant
soy milk/ice cream maker
house painter
blueprint cutter
produce delivery driver
computer operator
warehouse manager
mail room supervisor
hardware supplies clerk
decoupage artist/jewelry maker
vineyard manager
wine purchaser
crush manager
valet
temp

and for kicks, composer

If you care,

Paperboy/lawn trimmer
Grocery Bagboy
Burgerbot at Der Burgher Fuhrer
Pizza cook
Dishwasher
Bagel Cook
Pizza delivery
Cabinetmaker assistant
vet/kennel assistant
ghetto convenience store clerk, night shift
shoplifter/auctioneer
Used book auctioneer
dumpster diver/salvage auctioneer
pornographer
furniture refinisher
retail cashier
arts & crafts camp counselor
video store clerk
home movie digital transfer tech
animator

farm laborer
car washer
landscaper
supermarket dude
deli manager
daily newspaper intern
university academic researcher
computer lab monitor
advertising agency intern
advertising agency writer
waiter
medical sales
promotional sales
financial auditor
freelance writer
parent

Sold drugs
Pirated CDs
Done impressions
Edited films
Washed dishes
Looked after dogs
Washed cars
Acted
Made speeches
Written stuff
Taken photographs

Ok so many of these were for beer rather than cold hard cash, but they all count... (and make me look like less of a profound loser!)

clerk at Kroger's
clerk at Tom Thumb
food-runner at Pappadeaux
waiter " "
bartender " "
waiter at the Oasis on Joe Pool
waiter at Texas Roadhouse
painter/general construction

coffeehouse kitchen staff
seasonal clerk for defunct department store chain: electronics dept.
grocery store "courtesy" (read: bag-hauler)
customer service representative; catalog company
college bookstore stock clerk
seasonal clerk for defunct department store chain: apparel dept. (including short unfortunate stint in childrens')
customer service representative for ticket-ordering service
data entry temp
data entry temp again
customer service representative for internet company (three guesses how I lost that job)
customer service temp
data entry for utilities service
e-mail tech support temp
one-day envelope-stuffer temp
electronic ad assembler for local newspaper
insurance collections temp
mailroom clerk

Shagged your boss? Shot your boss' dog? Set fire to a co-workers muffin?

Anyhow: it was an internet company, it was early '01, I was downsized. This was my introduction to the 21st century zeitgeist.

Music Maven (aka Data Entry Chick

Public Television Intern

Femme/Lesbian Movie Distribution Shipper

Census Enumerator (aka "Please don't shoot me for asking a question you filled out last week")

Marketing Assistant

Senior Shipping and Distribution Clerk

Law firm file clerk

Waitress, Ryan's Steakhouse

Waitress, Hooters

Various temp receptionist jobs

Admin. Asst. at law firm

Babysitter
Math tutor
Asst. activities director at a nursing home
In-bound telemarketer (i.e. you called me)
Math tutor (again)
Payroll clerk

And various volunteer-type things.

In New York:
Intern at Talent Agency
Agent Trainee at Talent & Model Agency
Waiter (Kin Khao, Chez es Saada, Casa La Femme, Clementine, Genki Sushi, Heat Sushi, Uncle Pho, The Elephant, Jewel Bako, The Grocery, The Park, Lozoo, 66, Ruby Foos - guess how many I've been fired from...)
Foot Fetish "Model"
Website Development
Music Consultant

matos, you were a cook at a chinese restaurant???

paperboy
golf caddy
grocery bagger
grocery stockboy
tombstone engraver
drummer
student librarian
prep cook
rehabilitation aide for CHI patients
expensive knick-knack shop stockboy
stockboy/sales at museum gift store
'security' at big nightclub
waiter at cheap steakhouse
waiter at mid-level seafood joint
waiter at expensive steakhouse
wine steward
bass guitarist
law clerk at private firm
law clerk for the U.S. government

Must say I love how this reads: being wine connoisseur is essential to working for the gov't, natch.

Grocery cashier
reviewer for student newspaper
assistant to Admissions director for Honors Program (UT)
receptionist to Dean of Liberal Arts (UT)
Marketing coordinator
copywriter
website designer
internet business manager
web/graphic designer
affialiate marketing manager
substitute teacher
restaurant hostess
regional web designer
editorial writer
designer for p2p music software company
freelance web design
data entry temp for insurance company
creative director for fashion company
English teacher
expo at pan-asian restaurant
bartender

Nanny
Clerk @ Pharmacy
Clerk @ smelly candle, and collectable plate store
Clerk @ over priced resort gift shop
Clerk @ University book store
Girl Friday @ caterers (I called it the " whore house of food")
Bartender
Waitress
Grip
Rickshaw Driver
Landscaper
Cook
Rabies Clerk - 2 tours
HR Assistant - 2 tours
Legal Assistant - 2 tours
Paper Maker

None of the above is anythign like what I wanted to, or thought, I'd end up doing. Weird.

Go fuck yourself.

janitor
day camp counsellor
telemarketer (1 day)
motor assembler
shipper
customer service guy (wholesale)
delinquent account chaser
english/math/computer tutor
web programmer
electric scooter mechanic
library help desk guy/technician

heh, got to make use of the skills you have...actually, private law firms were pretty interested in this, almost to the exclusion of any legal-related skills I might have.

Somewhere in my list insert 'Construction Technician'

(various other less significant positions)

Markelby ([email protected]), December 15th, 2003.

So Mark, what sort of money can an entry-level Messiah Grade I expect to pocket these days?

A tip, though - make sure your life insurance policy is up to date, and consider retiring to start your own bakery and fishmonger business.

Babysitter
Justified & Ancient Ice Cream Person
Avon Laydeee
Shelf packer
Shoe Salesperson
Photographic Assistant
Customer Service Assistant (Call Centre Drone)
Office Manager
Civil Servant
P/t Telephone Banking Advisor (Call Centre Drone)
P/t Reservations Assistant (Call Centre Drone)
P/t Booooze Salesperson
P/t 100 & 999 Operator (Call Centre Drone)
Database Administrator
Business Systems Analyst
Temp Receptionist
Temp Typist
Technical Assistant
Admin Assistant
P/t Stock Replenisher
Admin Manager
Client Services Co-ordinator

Eagle-eyed viewers will spot the point where I finally got my shit together.

Nice. Did you go to UCSC?

Actually no (I went to UCLA) but I spent the summer in Santa Cruz and my roommate *did* go to UCSC, so I went up to the campus a few times. It's a very nice place, and I lurve the banana slug...

Jocelyn is the queen of the sexy job!

Many of these jobs lasted less than a week. The bear costume one was for the worst 2 hours of my life (bastard kids!).

Mine too have lasted for short periods of time. But I have a new job as of today! Be happy for me ILX!

Mostly punches, until they got me on my knees, then it was lots of blows to the head that I couldn't see coming because of the crappy little eye holes in the bear head.

It was 100 degrees. Everyone else was in shorts and t-shirts. I must've lost 10lbs (which, incidentally, is also as much as I was paid).

My mate was a rabbit, they pulled his ears.

and they still say i haven't got enough work experience at 23. fuckers!!

* = ongoing

I like the qaulification on the end there :)

ps. congratulations mandee!

Proofreader
Graphic artist
Tearsheet deliver-er
Legal advertisement coordinator
Marketing and Advertising coordinator
Account Coordinator
and now ---
BUH BUH BUH

CLIENT SERVICES COORDINATOR

A paper girl
A dog walker
A Sainsbury's check out doll
A shop assistant in a children's clothing and toy department
An envelope stuffer
A typist (English & Spanish)
A data enterer
A telephone market researcher (English & Italian)
A cleaner for elderly people
A junior admin type in the Benefits Office (inc. switchboard operator)
A manager of a pharmaceutical information service
A Department of Health telephone answerer
A stagiaire in a pharmaceutical information company in Paris
A school principal's secretary
An administrator at Victim Support
A personnel/payroll assistant
A project administrator
A clerk in a hospital endoscopy clinic
A sales compensations administrator
A conference organiser
A DJ
A translator
A temp (this covers anything I can't remember, which is probably lots, because I was a temp for several years)

I feel a bit shit that I've had so few jobs. I guess I was a paper girl for a bit, too - I forgot.

oh ive wasted my life

some of the job descriptions on this thread are superb, blckbuster video guy

I read that with Mark E Smith's voice.

- HGV driver (in a few years)
- landlord (in 40 years)

starkville, miss.
newspaper clipping assistant (i was 7; my grandmother "hired" me to help out)

jackson, miss.
grounds crew, some country club
drug delivery, some pharmacy

magnolia, ark.
tennis court worker/racket stringer (was on the team at university)

jackson, miss. pt. 2
painter, mississippi state hospital (state mental inst. known to gradeschoolers statewide as "whitfield," as in "you're crazy they're gonna send you to whitfield.")

magnolia, ark. pt. 2
cook/delivery driver, pizza hut
cook/delivery driver, pizza inn
clerk for some administrator or other at the univ.

fayetteville, ark.
cook etc., jim's razorback pizza

magnolia, ark. pt. 3
cook/delivery driver, pizza inn
dishwasher, SAU cafeteria

fayetteville, ark. pt. 2
sales assoc., champs sports, fayetteville mall (went 4 days)
book shelver, some giant used textbook repository (went 2 days)

jackson, miss. pt. 3
substitute teacher
sales assoc., williams-sonoma
dishwasher/prep cook, some fancy italian rest. (ciao?)
customer service person, books-a-million

little rock, ark.
city desk clerk, arkansas democrat-gazette (i've come full circle and am back in the newspaper business)

i need a new job yesterday

Editor at chemical industry trade paper
Bartender
Editorial Producer, mlb.com (part-time)

Babysitter
Mower of Lawns
Ticket-taker
Dishwasher
Gopher/apprentice for a graphic designer
Listings management assistant at a real estate office.
Receptionist (same real estate office)
Art Gallery sitter/minder/phone-answerer
Bartender
Freelance writer for several outlets
Writer/Editor for sporadic and ill-managed music mag
Part time Copy Editor for a quarterly journal
Copy Clerk
News Desk Assistant
Editorial Assitant
Administrative Assitant
News Desk Editor

Climbing wall attendant / salesperson

Tree nursery laborer

Cook/receptionist/handyman/waiter (all at one place in the mts of NH)

Pizza delivery boy

Valet parking guy

Temp laborer

Maintenance man at a place in the USVI

Barista

Cook/receptionist/handyman/waiter (back again at same place in NH)

Assistant manager (again, place in NH)

Valet parking guy (see above)

Backwaiter

Children's ski school instructor

Independent filmmaker

Neighbor's tree cutter-downer

Roofer

Painter

...back to children's ski school

Dead body hauler (!!!)

Ski tuner

Dead beat

Copy writer (cross your fingers)

(xpost: ok)

1. Grocery bagger (1 day)
2. Car wash... uh... guy (Friend of family's car wash)
3. Seaman, third class (For two years, off and on, on vessels that used huge air guns and oil-filled cables to gather info about the rock structure under the Gulf of Mexico, then sold the data to oil companies for incredible amounts of money. I swept, mopped, and chipped rust. Learned to tie some knots, but I've long since forgotten.)
4. Pizza delivery driver
5. Barista
6. Pastry chef (Not professional, obviously, but I did get to work under the fine tutilage of irredeemable, alcoholic asshole losers who were such complete failures as human beings that getting up at three AM, getting home at noon, and drinking until seven was only proof of their implacable status as masters of all other humans, apparently)
7. Short order cook (Made eggs. Never got good at it.)
8. Barista again (Made some sandwiches, too. Came home smelling like tuna and onions for about a year.)
9. Mortgage loan officer (Worse job ever.)
10. Office temp.
11. Glorified office temp.
12. Office temp glorified enough to be given a job title. I'll spare you the exact nature of it.
13. Assistant editor/web designer/magazine designer (My current job, which, as you may be able to tell from vast inspecific range it covers, is more like esteemed temp than anything else.)

Hi! I'm Kenan. I have had a wide range of terrible jobs that I was not especially good at. Hire me!

what an uninspiring list! thankfully I start my new, much better job next week.

Conference organiser
Retail clerk
Filing clerk
Production assistant
Floor Runner/Production assistant
Post office worker
Office assistant
Collector of items for charity
Filing clerk
Production assistant
Video editor
Video editor
TV cameraman
Property claims officer
Charity worker
Charity worker
University admissions clerk
Data Entrant
Film school camera guy
Jury consultant
Database administrator

and I just got a volunteer gig for an artists' project. Still looking for paid work and still not getting any.

lifeguard
swimming instructor
dishwasher
furniture store stockboy
record store clerk (twice)
editorial assistant (twice)
copy writer
associate editor
deputy editor
associate editor (different place)
freelance writer (hehheh)
columnist (reviewer)
contributing editor
senior editor
freelance writer
author
dad/cook/chief bottlewasher

While I was working in a particularly crap job, I wrote to Dan Fante, whose writing deals chiefly with the tedium of crappy jobs. This is what he had to say:

Dude, you should have written to Bukowski as well. Err, he's dead. Nevermind.

music club doorman/bouncer (least threatening/effective evah)

Dishwasher
Cleaner
Baker
Waiter
Barman
Tour Guide
Short-order chef
Chef de Partie
Office drone
Manufacturer of garden ornaments
Labourer
Roofer
Builder
Site Joiner
Bailiff
Employment Service counter jockey
Sommelier
Bar manager
University lecturer
Restaurant Manager

I don't really see much logical progression here

In order:

Convenience store clerk
Junior news reporter for community paper
Fast food monkey at theme park
Server/dishwasher at university dorm cafeteria
Production assistant for low-budget kiddie TV game show (I played a sampler keyboard that triggered sound effects when the kids buzzed their answers in)
Barista (not Starbucks - I quit after a few months)
Night clerk at university dorm (they became a hostel/hotel in the summer)
Intern/production assistant/street team slave at shitty indie record label & studio
Intern at unrelated, cred recording studio
Barista (Starbucks - I quit after a few months)
Control room sound for small-market TV station (newscasts only)
Sales & tech support for digital audio boutique (Pro Tools, Logic Audio, etc.)
Keyboardist, composer, producer (radio jingles, Flash sites, small-label dance & urban music)

I am pretty work-shy.

--

my favourite was florist. it was funny

I probably embellished the aquatics stuff a bit. Despite the varying job titles, all the aquatics jobs were spent working for the same employer, and the same could kinda be said for the university stuff. So sometimes I feel like I've only had two jobs in my life.

part-time warehouse dude for record label
part-time data entry clerk for digital music service
warehouse manager at record label

...i'm young yet.

Mystery Shopper
Stocktaker / General Hands
Graphic Designer / Multimedia / Office Admin
Freelance Graphic / Web Designer
Web Designer / Editor
Program Seller
Kitchenhand

babysitter
camp counselor
chain record store clerk
chain video store clerk
indie video store clerk
indie record store clerk
internet service provider intern
music trade magazine intern
record label internet/web intern
record label internet/web producer
agency web producer
newspaper web site manager
online games web site manager
agency sr. web producer
agency sr. tech web producer
freelance information architect
front-end web developer
user interface designer
technical director

Not in that order.

M&S cashier
M&S stock-worker
admin assistant

the last job is the best so far and i'll be sad to leave it when i move in less than a month. next up is substitute teaching.

To wit:

-day care worker (working two days a week-- 2 months-- first summer job)
-odd job doer for a small shipyard (I was "too slow" to do any good-- 1 month-- second summer job (I was too lazy/stupid to get a job earlier in the summer))
-"waiter" for faculty dining club (really a glorified busboy-- didn't take main dish orders, no tips) (semester and a half before I got fired for not showing up for my shifts) (was too depressed to get out of bed by lunch time)
-factory worker, manning a small wax injection press (3 months-- summer job that I ended several weeks early by quitting on the spot one day) (and I never showed up on time for my shifts-- dick move, since I was supposed to be relieving the guy whose reference got me the job in the first place)
-grunt labor for in-ground swimming pool repairer/installer (3 and a half summers in 5 years-- fucked up my chance to be anything more in the first year by waffling when lead guy offered to mentor me, then had last summer cut in half because of ongoing 44r0n 4z-style psychotic break)
-catering worker (two outings-- decided it was too depressing/demeaning to do)
-dishwasher (two weekends-- restaurant owner offered to train me to be a cook after I performed the amazing feats of showing up for my shifts on time and actually doing my job, stupidly declined offer because I didn't like his "vibe" even though he liked me)
-library aide at small public library (three months-- stupidly, got so annoyed with checking the stacks for $5.50 an hour that I went back to swimming pool job I hated for $10 an hour, even though library supervisor wanted to make me full-time for the summer-- pity that, now that I'm thinking about doing library school and find myself without references or creditable experience)
-sorter of packages at UPS hub (10:30 PM to 2:30 AM, four months-- quit on the spot one night, after supervisor decided I was his best guy and subsequently gave me worst place with the most responsibility on the sorting line)
-"jogger" bundling product off the back of a printing press (rotating 12 hour shifts, 7 PM to 7 AM three or four days a week, standing on concrete floors with no breaks-- fuck, was I desperate or just stupid?) (nine months-- quit to go back to school once I had some money saved)
-loader of packages at UPS hub (same shitty shift as before, six months-- amazingly, they hired me back-- much easier/less stressful job, because if I got backed up the mess fell into the sorters' laps and not mine-- again, supervisor decided I was his best guy and I rewarded him by giving notice unexpectedly and then not showing up for my last week after accidentally napping over and hence missing my Monday shift, deciding they'd never believe that as an alibi, and then just not bothering to show/call/do anything about it)
-library aide at university library (a month? two months? started flaking out on my shifts at some point and wound up quitting by e-mail long after the point where I assumed I'd been fired-- in retrospect, this possibly due to impending psychotic break, or maybe just me being a lazy asshole who didn't want to check the stacks for $5.50 an hour any more-- pity about the library thing again, but maybe it's not for me anyway)
-pizza delivery guy (two and a half years-- by far the longest continuous period of employment for me to date-- quit after third time my paycheck bounced, despite assurances that it was just due to yet another glitch in the payroll)
-pizza delivery guy at another outfit where I made fewer tips (three months-- too depressed to keep going in after coming back from vacation, after manager decided I was the most reliable driver and hence gave me the longest and shittiest shifts, so just stopped going in last week-- will I ever learn?)

Ha ha, how the fuck do I turn this into a resumé? Why didn't I take that summer job interning at my uncle's insurance company when I had the chance? Much stupid bullshit could have been avoided if I hadn't been lazy and stupidly "noble" at the time.