why is there not yet a thread about "troy" starring three super-fly mens with such pretty faces??

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oh yeah, because most of you ARE mens.

or maybe it's because i didn't search for the right thing.

either way, pitt/bloom/bana, it's a veritable schlong-stravaganza! the ladies will line up for this one.

and it looks pretty cool, so that's good.

― the angry cowboy (dick), Friday, 16 January 2004 18:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm happy to look at man-faces and I'm a man who likes womens.

Are you suggesting that this will do what Gladiator did for the bachelorette-party crowd?

I think it looks good, in it's way.

You do know Orlando Bloom likes boys, don't you?

― Darcus How? (nordicskilla), Friday, 16 January 2004 18:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I am so going to see this movie. Death could not stop me from seeing this movie. Please replace Eric Bana with someone else in the digital magic place. THX.

― Allyzay, Friday, 16 January 2004 18:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, I was going to say - people that find men attractive, IS Eric Bana attractive? I always think of him as Chopper.

― Darcus How? (nordicskilla), Friday, 16 January 2004 18:44 (twenty-two years ago)

orlando likes the mens? don't tell me that!

― the angry cowboy (dick), Friday, 16 January 2004 18:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I think the fact that Orlando Bloom and Andre Schneider are lovers must be the worst kept secret in Hollywood.

Allegedly.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 16 January 2004 18:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha DUHH Did anybody see LOTR? Everybody in that movie is totally gay. The last 45 minutes proves it. Good god.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 16 January 2004 18:49 (twenty-two years ago)

You basically get Eric Bana when you can't afford Russell Crowe.

― Darcus How? (nordicskilla), Friday, 16 January 2004 18:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Who's Andre Schneider?

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 16 January 2004 18:49 (twenty-two years ago)

The hobbit orgy was a bit much.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 16 January 2004 18:50 (twenty-two years ago)

the worst kept secret in Hollywood

I like thinking of Dom as the Danny De Vito character in LA Confidential.

― Darcus How? (nordicskilla), Friday, 16 January 2004 18:50 (twenty-two years ago)

(insert Elijah Woods's only expression ever here)

― Allyzay, Friday, 16 January 2004 18:50 (twenty-two years ago)

http://oranjefan04.tripod.com/orlandobloom/id36.html

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 16 January 2004 18:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Brad Pitt is a doof, and his movies are always ridiculous and terrible. He should stick to playing Boomhauer's brother on King of the Hill.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Friday, 16 January 2004 18:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I like thinking of Dom as the Danny De Vito character in LA Confidential.

My god, and you've never even seen a picture of me? That's spooky.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 16 January 2004 18:53 (twenty-two years ago)

"Best friends"

― Allyzay, Friday, 16 January 2004 18:54 (twenty-two years ago)

""is Orlando a good kisser?" * yepp!"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 16 January 2004 18:56 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder if they're going to fill Sean Bean with arrows again. Seriously.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 16 January 2004 18:56 (twenty-two years ago)

http://i.imdb.com/Photos/Events/1407/BrianCox_Wargo_411333_400.jpg

― TOMBOT, Friday, 16 January 2004 18:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I HAVE seen a picture of you, Dom.

And yes, you DO look a bit like Baddiel...

― Darcus How? (nordicskilla), Friday, 16 January 2004 18:59 (twenty-two years ago)

The Andre Schneider/Orlando Bloom thing isn't true - apparently the guy invented a couple of movies they were in together, and claimed that they were great friends and more - in hopes of advancing his career. I'm not sure they've even met.

There are MANY photos of various members of Lord of the Rings cast kissing, hugging, etc - whether this is just wacky boyish hi-jinx or evidence of MASSIVE HOBBITS/MEN/ELF ORGY is unknown.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Friday, 16 January 2004 20:14 (twenty-two years ago)

moreonenotethankeanufuckingreeves

I SAW THAT. It might actually be a dead heat.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 16 January 2004 20:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm sorry, dude, but Eli Woods's performance was SO awful. "Look, I'm making a SIMPERING face". I guess the difference is that Keanu's one expression is kind of vague and "ME TARZAN"ish while Eli's is more "HI YOU CAN KICK MY ASS AT ANY TIME" so it's kind of taking sides.

― Allyzay, Friday, 16 January 2004 20:22 (twenty-two years ago)

"Oh Saaahhhm I'm so glad you're here with me" (followed by extensive oral sex) That's pretty much how the post "Ring into the volcano" scenes went.

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 16 January 2004 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Initially I read that as "Oh Saddam"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 16 January 2004 20:24 (twenty-two years ago)

LET'S ALL HAVE CRYING AND MAN HUGS!!!!! The entire end of that fucking movie was so unnecessary and...quivering. Ugh.

― Allyzay, Friday, 16 January 2004 20:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha South Park to thread!

― Allyzay, Friday, 16 January 2004 20:25 (twenty-two years ago)

LET'S ALL HAVE CRYING AND MAN HUGS!!!!!

Are you sure you're not talking about ilx?

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Friday, 16 January 2004 20:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Nicole wins.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 16 January 2004 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

LET'S ALL HAVE CRYING AND HORRIBLE ORAL SEX!!!!!

― Allyzay, Friday, 16 January 2004 20:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Now nobody wins.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 16 January 2004 20:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"what would you do if you were invisible?" * seeing how many hairs Liz Taylor's got left.

Yup, he's gay.

― Leee Majors (Leee), Friday, 16 January 2004 23:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Nicole also OTMx1000 about Patch Boomhauer.

― Leee Majors (Leee), Friday, 16 January 2004 23:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I thought it was the most romantic thing ever! Gear is OTM re the oral sex, too, at least how I imagine it.

― Sean (Sean), Friday, 16 January 2004 23:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I bet we don't get to see any gayness in 'Troy' or 'Alexander' despite the fact the Greeks were gayer than Quentin Crisp and John Inman.

― pete s, Friday, 16 January 2004 23:07 (twenty-two years ago)

With these three as leads I can't imagine a movie I would less like to watch.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Friday, 16 January 2004 23:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Let's all quit the internet and go and see Torque together!

― Darcus How? (nordicskilla), Friday, 16 January 2004 23:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok!

― Leee Majors (Leee), Friday, 16 January 2004 23:34 (twenty-two years ago)

i'd pay good money for Torque if Ice Cube says to the good guy at the end, "and keep yo baby off the street!"

― Kingfishee (Kingfish), Friday, 16 January 2004 23:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I read somewhere that it is a remake of the Warriors?!?! with motorcycles.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Friday, 16 January 2004 23:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I very much doubt this film will provide sample material for the PWEI of 2014.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 17 January 2004 00:48 (twenty-two years ago)

in the trailer there are many boats!

I have to see torque this weekend, cry!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 17 January 2004 00:50 (twenty-two years ago)

here is what I predict my review will be:

Torque Dorque.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 17 January 2004 00:50 (twenty-two years ago)

in the trailer there are many boats!

It's like a Situationist motto for vacation plans.

"In the cooler are many refridgerators!"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 17 January 2004 00:53 (twenty-two years ago)

ha!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 17 January 2004 00:58 (twenty-two years ago)

"Poems by MedivalArcher10"

I reiterate. I love the internet.

― Matt (Matt), Saturday, 17 January 2004 03:04 (twenty-two years ago)

No-Title
Simple, pure elegance,
A figure flowing through my viens making my heart tingle, my eyes tear
A figure of you in my mind,
with your mesmerizing eyes and your precious smile that still makes me weak in arms,
It's your flowing grace that makes my mind breeze over with thoughts of joy and grief,
The personality that shines brighter than any feature I can describe with any words,
It's the sparkle in your eyes that pierce mine, and lock them into a moment of pure euphoria,
The eyes that are only there in my dreams,
turning them into wisps of heaven,
lingering on earth,
creating a feeling of pure love,
Love,
in my dreams.

if you can think of a title please email me and ill ask her if she likes it...

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 17 January 2004 03:12 (twenty-two years ago)

How about

'Im Gonna Hump You All Night Long, Bitch'

― omg, Saturday, 17 January 2004 03:15 (twenty-two years ago)

if you can think of a title please email me and ill ask her if she likes it...

NO! Something mmore akin to Willow, she weeps, whilst maiden, she sleeps

― Matt (Matt), Saturday, 17 January 2004 03:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Though I like your idea, too.

― Matt (Matt), Saturday, 17 January 2004 03:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Jesus, none of the people on that site than think of titles. They're hot as all get-out when it comes to making up stupid names for themselves, but ask them to think of a title for something they've actually made and all of a sudden it's all "I'm Princess Arwen Evenstar, I don't have to think of titles"

― Matt (Matt), Saturday, 17 January 2004 03:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Wankers.

― Matt (Matt), Saturday, 17 January 2004 03:22 (twenty-two years ago)

three months pass...

Totally bizarre movie.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Saturday, 15 May 2004 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

For the first half-hour, the acting is so atrocious, I was convinced I was watching the most lavish rehearsal ever committed to celluloid.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Saturday, 15 May 2004 17:05 (twenty-two years ago)

And yes, it was more gay that LOTR.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Saturday, 15 May 2004 17:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I had a tough choice last night. It was this or Super Size Me.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Saturday, 15 May 2004 17:08 (twenty-two years ago)

"OK, Brad - when Julie finishes talking, I want you to look off into the distance. We're gonna do this great dissolve into the Greek armada sailing towards Troy, with you in your armor looking all hott and fuckable. Yeah, that's it! Squint more! Think immortality, Brad! Yeah! Think OSCAR, Brad! OSCAR!"

Past that first 30 minutes, it was fine.

― David R. (popshots75`), Saturday, 15 May 2004 18:06 (twenty-two years ago)

no one watches a 'summer blockbuster' for the acting.

Don't they change the ending of the story as well (hollywood style - ie a happy ending for Brad or something?)

If I get round to seeing this film, I'm just going to watch it for the pretty boys in skirts.

― jellybean (jellybean), Saturday, 15 May 2004 18:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Helen still not hot enough to launch a 1000 ships.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Saturday, 15 May 2004 18:32 (twenty-two years ago)

why doesn't sean bean get more work?

it made me think.

― cozen (Cozen), Saturday, 15 May 2004 18:35 (twenty-two years ago)

it was really quite subpar, and kind of silly...and they took all the fagging up b/w perekleites (sp) and achilles out. cousin my ass !

― anthony, Saturday, 15 May 2004 22:41 (twenty-two years ago)

and helen aint no thang

― anthony, Saturday, 15 May 2004 22:42 (twenty-two years ago)

wasn't gory enough either. no flayings!

― cozen (Cozen), Saturday, 15 May 2004 22:45 (twenty-two years ago)

(also, hi anthony!)

yeah, helen is not the most beautiful girl in the world.

― cozen (Cozen), Saturday, 15 May 2004 22:46 (twenty-two years ago)

The only way i'd see this movie is with a girl.
MY plan: She'll be whining about how hot this guys are, but I'll keep reminding her: The real Achilles fucked Perekleites and how innacurate the whole movie is. At the end of the whole ordeal, she'll have to settle for something below her hollywood standards, me.

― Cacaman Flores, Saturday, 15 May 2004 22:51 (twenty-two years ago)

which one is perekleites again?

― cozen (Cozen), Saturday, 15 May 2004 22:52 (twenty-two years ago)

his name was patroclus!

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Saturday, 15 May 2004 23:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Is Orlando Bloom in this one? I swear, he seems so gay that his gayness eclipses any possible appeal he may have ever had to even me.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 16 May 2004 00:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Pericles=Perekleites=Patroclus

A horse is a horse, of course.

― Francis Watlington (Francis Watlington), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:22 (twenty-two years ago)

SAME DIFF!

― Francis Watlington (Francis Watlington), Sunday, 16 May 2004 01:24 (twenty-two years ago)

i liked this movie! not loved it or anything, but here are some things i like:

eric bana
the spear-dodging stuff
the fight between achilles and hector
the myrmidon assembling behind their shields on the beach
peter o'toole's bugeyes
sean bean (i knew he'd be a great odysseus!)
the aeneas special guest appearance
brian cox rippin' it up
a bunch of those battles!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 17 May 2004 05:29 (twenty-two years ago)

it was ok, the script seemed shit. "you are the best man I know" to his brother before the fight with achilles, like what a formal thing to say.

Also Brad Pitt should never have been achilles, he seemed like Joe Black for most of the film. Thick and powerful. They needed someone with charisma like Mortenson in LOTR, I can't imagine anyone being inspired by Pitt's Achilles.

It wasn't gory enough either, and there seemed to be some really harsh edits. Actually I'm mainly quite sad someone talented didn't take on this story and do a trilogy or something with it. I always enjoyed it when I studied it.

I think there was little or no sense of the sheer disaster of Troy burning, and of how essentially Achilles was evil, at least I got the sense from Virgil's interpretation that Achilles was a fairly sadistic character. Doesn't he compare him to a snake at one point? A big diss, in those days.

Yeah it was a good film, some awful lines made the acting appear bad at times, but it did have some good bits.

Brendan G was good as Menelaus, I'm friends with his son and he told me Orlando Bloom complained to Wolfgang Peterson that Gleeson was too rough in the fight scenes!!! hahaha!

He had a slight Irish accent still, I half expected him to go "tonight me and the lads will have A FEW SCOOPS about what a blackguard you are"

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 17 May 2004 12:01 (twenty-two years ago)

HECTOR!!!!!
....

HECTOR!!!!!

....

HECTOR!!!!!

....
HECTOR!!!!!

....

HECTOR!!!!!

....

― HECTOR!!!!!, Monday, 17 May 2004 13:21 (twenty-two years ago)

He
Was
The
FIRST of the gang with a gun in his hand...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 17 May 2004 13:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Who else was disappointed that Achilles didn't chase Hector around Troy three times? Now that would've been drama. (The movie was not bad.)

― Vinnie (vprabhu), Monday, 17 May 2004 13:33 (twenty-two years ago)

i was a little dissapointed in there not being a chase myself!

i think eric bana wins, he was really good and struck the perfect tone for hector i think!

you know brendan gleeson's son ronan? that's cool, i think he's a terrific actor.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 17 May 2004 14:01 (twenty-two years ago)

(he's so goddamn good in the general)

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 17 May 2004 14:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah he is good, nice to see he's getting more popular and getting bigger roles too. He lives just around the corner, his son is a really great guy. Brendan is often away obviously, but one night I called to the door with a friend after we'd both had a few drinks and he answered the door, we were both petrified due to being underage/drunk etc at the time. It was funny.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 17 May 2004 14:07 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah he seems to have been working quite steadily over the last few years, with the roles in gangs of new york and cold mountain and AI and all that, i'm happy that casting people/directors seem to like him. he always brings a good presence to his roles.

(his hand-over-the-face move in the general is just the greatest)

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 17 May 2004 14:10 (twenty-two years ago)

He's great in that yeah, his facial expression is just so perfect throughout, part amused, part disdainful, part sinister.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 17 May 2004 14:11 (twenty-two years ago)

http://gq.msn.it/cont/010cin/010new/0306/0501/16284imh1.jpg http://www.rumba.fi/lista/hittinimet/hanson.gif

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Monday, 17 May 2004 14:13 (twenty-two years ago)

film ruined now.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 17 May 2004 14:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Brad Pitt's cousin in the movie WAS Hansonish too.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Monday, 17 May 2004 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

He had a slight Irish accent still, I half expected him to go "tonight me and the lads will have A FEW SCOOPS about what a blackguard you are

I really wanted him to say to Paris "come here, ye little shite, till I batter ye." But he didn't.

I thought it was a terrible film. It really dragged and the dialogue was appalling. By the fourth time they mentioned that their names would live for a thousand years, I was grinding my teeth. And someone needs to teach Orlando how to do more than just squint at things when he's meant to be acting. Although himself and Peter O'Toole were so effete, it was easy to believe in them as father and son. Where they got the boy Hector from, I don't know. The whole hand-wringing 'but I love her', 'but this is beyond the two of you now' stuff was really wearing as well. They just kept on having the same conversation over and over again, as if the film was designed to be chopped up into half-hour episodes and you would need periodic reminding of the state of play.

And they didn't stick to the book.

And I wouldn't buy Trojan condoms ever again. The Trojans, famous for letting Helen and Paris in to start a war, then for letting Odysseus in to burn the place down. Not that great at keeping out unwanted visitors, really.

And the music! Dear god. etc.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 17 May 2004 14:27 (twenty-two years ago)

But the fighting!

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Monday, 17 May 2004 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

DB and Arthur's summation of Troy from Saturday to thread.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 17 May 2004 14:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Please note that the film was INSPIRED BY, not BASED ON, _The Iliad_. So, you know, gods aren't mentioned, Achilles is mortal, Agammemnon (sic?) gets a shiv in the neck (oh ironic on so many levels), blah blah blah.

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 17 May 2004 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually, if a shiv was used instead of a dagger, I would've stood up & applauded.

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 17 May 2004 14:41 (twenty-two years ago)

But the fighting!

I'm sure the fighting would have been lovely if it hadn't been filmed in juddervision, and if there had been more of it. And if whoever was working Achilles knew how to make him do more than one of his special moves.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 17 May 2004 14:46 (twenty-two years ago)

The main problem with the movie is who the hell do you even root for? Achilles was a dickwad, Bryan Cox was a dickwad, and the Trojans were all dumbasses. I was like, ok I want the Trojans to lose all proper like cos they're FUCKING DUMB AS SHIT but then I'm like ok dude that Greek king is an ASSHOLE, but then Brad Pitt kept making that amazing expression and I was like, yeah I hope they change the ending so that Brad Pitt doesn't eat it and Paris eats it instead. It was really hard for me to take that part seriously, also, because thanks to SOMEONE all I kept thinking was "LOOK AT HIM TAKE THAT BRAD PITT DOWN HARDCORE DAAAAAMN PRASIDETN!"

Best comment I've heard: my sister, her boyfriend, and his roommate went to go see the film. At CLIMACTIC BRAD PITT EATS IT scene, roommate exclaims "Oh my god, he got shot in the heel and his name is Achilles, that's so weird! That's ironic!" My sister and boyfriend were incredulous.

Also, any of the guys, including like most of the extras and bit characters, were kind of hotter than Helen, as were the other two female leads.

― Allyzay, Monday, 17 May 2004 14:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Does Brads die? Fuck, can we put 'spoiler' on this?!

― Enrique (Enrique), Monday, 17 May 2004 14:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah I was sort of getting at that when I said I thought in the book it was a sort of tragedy, and hence the Trojans were the heroes.

The other thing that was annoying: "I, ACHILLES WILL BE REMEMBERED/FOR IMMORTALITY/SO MY NAME IS REMEMBERED IN YEARS TO COME/IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T REALISED YOU ARE WATCHING A FILM ABOUT THESE PEOPLE/SEE THEY HAVE BEEN REMEMBERED, IT'S WHAT WE IN THE FILM WORLD CALL SELF FULFILLING (YOU IDIOTS)"

I totally agree the other female leads were nicer than Helen, yes.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 17 May 2004 15:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Achilles, Agamemnon and Paris can all eat a dick, basically.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Monday, 17 May 2004 15:05 (twenty-two years ago)

i liked briseis, but hated andromache

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 17 May 2004 15:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha we were laughing about that, the scene with his mother being like "Achilles, if you don't go, you will never be remembered but you will be happy. If you go, you will die but you will be remembered forever" and then Brad Pitt makes THE FACE and we were like "Hmmm, if I don't go, this movie will never be made and I'll have to sit at home with my wife and not make $100 billion dollars, I should go to war so that we can make this movie" etc etc. It is all Bill & Ted recursive time travel theory you see.

― Allyzay, Monday, 17 May 2004 15:07 (twenty-two years ago)

FWIW I really enjoyed this movie.

Paris was such an emo retard.

― Allyzay, Monday, 17 May 2004 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I sympathized w/ Hector - he had to deal with those fucking Greek bastards, his doe-eyed hippie-dippie dad that was all about omens and "the gods!" bullshit, his wussy philandering ho of a brother (who was a total fuckup throughout the movie), his simpering lip-quivering wife (speaking of ungrateful roles for Saffron Burrows), his brother's simpering lip-quivering trick, and (as if that wasn't enough) he gets his ass dragged across Troy because Achilles' oh-so-great Myrmidon can't tell when Achilles is in his own armor. Talk about getting jobbed. Oh - and his cousin ends up fucking his killer. Weak.

x-post - Please sub "mascara-wearing emo retard" for "fuckup" in my Hector eulogy.

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 17 May 2004 15:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually, after typing that, I realize I should've put my weight behind Hector's kid.

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 17 May 2004 15:11 (twenty-two years ago)

If no Achilles the Trojans would have so beaten the Achaeans and London would never have been founded = yikes!

Hector is easily the most sympathetic of the major characters.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Monday, 17 May 2004 15:12 (twenty-two years ago)

hector's kid was fucking huge!! i've never seen a baby that big!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 17 May 2004 15:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Are we now going to get a whole Odyssey starring Sean Bean? Cos that would rock mightily!

― Ricardo (RickyT), Monday, 17 May 2004 15:13 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm so hoping they do that! my friends and i were discussing it last night. they also really set up an aeneid sequel!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 17 May 2004 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe hector and his wife are just really small.

― Allyzay, Monday, 17 May 2004 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Hector is definitely the only really likeable guy in the film.

Bean's accent was ridiculous, the first line he spoke clanged to the ground. That baby was a weirdo!

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 17 May 2004 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I know! Poor Saffron. No wonder she had a gob on her the whole time. She couldn't believe that Hector was going to leave her alone with MONSTRO THE GIANT BABY.

I thought (having seen Starsky and Hutch the day before) that the funniest bit was when someone holds a knife to Achilles' throat and Achilles says 'do it, do it' a couple of times. V. amusing.

In the enormous cinema in Paris where we saw it, the mocking laughter started about an hour in. I can't imagine this film winning many awards.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 17 May 2004 15:18 (twenty-two years ago)

there should be "x-post" between ground, and "that baby was a weirdo"

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 17 May 2004 15:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I dunno, I kind of like the idea that "That baby was a weirdo!" referred to Sean Bean, Ronan. Like it's some kind of Irish code.

― Allyzay, Monday, 17 May 2004 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh also my friend said "oh that's where Achilles heel comes from" and I made up the plausible lie that the verb to "hector" somebody comes from Achilles standing outside Troy screaming "hector".

This isn't true is it?

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 17 May 2004 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

when hector gets back and wifey is all "look how much our baby has grown," i was all like "yeah, the fucking kid just EXPANDED!!"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 17 May 2004 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Best comment I've heard: my sister, her boyfriend, and his roommate went to go see the film. At CLIMACTIC BRAD PITT EATS IT scene,
roommate exclaims "Oh my god, he got shot in the heel and his name is Achilles, that's so weird! That's ironic!" My sister and boyfriend were
incredulous.

Now this is genius. I hope the abuse was constant after that point.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 17 May 2004 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

"Ha! Helen's face is LITERALLY launching a thousand ships!"

And from the inevitable sequel:

"His name is Odysseus and he's going on an odyssey!"

If that were my friend, I'd be at it all day.

― Vinnie (vprabhu), Monday, 17 May 2004 16:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I saw it yesterday..
So Orlando Bloom can't escape the fact that he'll be cast as a arrow throwing midget for the rest of his life. I mean, the guy couldn't do anything worthwhile with himself until he grabs a bow.
I agree, Hector was the only likeable character. The hippie dad and his emo brother were his doom. (well, any male character named Paris is doomed to be a pussy)
Brad Pitt did a terrible job as Achilles, well maybe not. Achilles was full of shit, Brad Pitt is full of shit, perfect for the part. No really they needed somenone with more charisma, so that you wouldn't utterly despise the main character.
The baby was huge.
Anyone else thought Achille's cousin/gay lover looked a lot like one of the Hanson kids?
And another thing, why the fuck are there so many blondes in the fucking movie?!!! They were greeks goddamit, Greeks!! Has anyone of this director jackasses ever gone to Greece.
Helen was a slut.

― Cacaman Flores, Monday, 17 May 2004 16:26 (twenty-two years ago)

So Mr. Flores, you write for Cliff's Notes?

― TOMBOT, Monday, 17 May 2004 16:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Haven't seen it yet, but I have a feeling that this thread will be better than the movie.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 17 May 2004 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Anyone else thought Achille's cousin/gay lover looked a lot like one of the Hanson kids?

Read threads much?

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Monday, 17 May 2004 16:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Nicole, have you like been avoiding ILX recently? Or enough to say that any thread is better than any movie?

― Allyzay, Monday, 17 May 2004 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Threads are far quicker than films. Also I stood on chewing gum on the way out of "Troy" last night and then popcorn got stuck to the chewing gum.

This has never happened on a thread.

― Ronan (Ronan), Monday, 17 May 2004 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

nicole, did you see van helsing yet?

I think I will wait for Troy to come out on DVD.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 17 May 2004 16:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't ever get to see movies anymore.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Monday, 17 May 2004 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

You are wise.

I liked Troy better than Gladiator, but I hated Gladiator so that's not saying much.

Eric Bana's Hector really was the only likable person in the movie, have to agree with everyone else.

I like how in the beginning of the movie Achilles is just like a teenager refusing to do chores. "Pfft, I'm not fighting a war today".

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 17 May 2004 18:46 (twenty-two years ago)

i keep telling people i want to see this, and they look at me funny*. i guess i'll have to go myself.

* possibly they think i'm gay

― amateur!st (amateurist), Monday, 17 May 2004 19:14 (twenty-two years ago)

My dad was trying to say I would go see Troy with him, and I was saying I didn't want to see it, and then I told him about how I wanted to see The Saddest Music in the World, and he made fun of me for going to college (note: my dad paid my tuition).

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 17 May 2004 19:29 (twenty-two years ago)

hey na if you want to see either in chicago, i'm game

― amateur!st (amateurist), Monday, 17 May 2004 19:38 (twenty-two years ago)

You're back in town? We could probably get a group for The Saddest Music, I bet it's something jaymc and/or Kenan would be interested in, those indie fucks. Or were you asking me out? Uncomfortable...

― NA (Nick A.), Monday, 17 May 2004 19:45 (twenty-two years ago)

he said he was "game". Make of that what you will.

― @d@ml (nordicskilla), Monday, 17 May 2004 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

doesn't Helen reveal how much 'the face that launched a thousand ships' has to be entirely subjective and therefore unfilmable. no doubt this model chick is pretty enough, but that isn't enough. the director should have chosen a personal obsession rather than an identikit fash plate i guess.

― ENRQ (Enrique), Monday, 17 May 2004 19:55 (twenty-two years ago)

but from reviews the movie struggles to undermine the idea that helen was the main cause behind the invasion

nick i wasn't asking you out :-)

― amateur!st (amateurist), Monday, 17 May 2004 19:58 (twenty-two years ago)

was she not the main cause of the whole thing?

― ENRQ (Enrique), Monday, 17 May 2004 20:02 (twenty-two years ago)

The real main cause was that the gods were playing D&D with humans to settle their personal pissiness, but they left that out of the movie to my dismay. The stated main cause was that the other guys (blanking here) were dying for an excuse to mix it up with Troy.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Monday, 17 May 2004 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha, Cacaman dropping science.

Clarification: Pericles not Patroclus. My bad. Obviously, I'm a tard. My sincerest apologies to all (not like anyone paid attention anyway, thankfully). Today I had to write a review on this for my humanities prof in order to get a passing grade in said class. Manifestly, I'm not as big a tard as my teacher.

― Fr4ncis W4tlingt0n (Francis Watlington), Monday, 17 May 2004 20:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Way better than I expected - which is to say, it didn't suck. Too many pointless battle scenes (I fucking hate that pan-zoom-cut-pan-zoom-cut style of doing a battle), but they were pretty awesome when they followed one person. Plus Brad Pitt and Bloomps suckage.

Peter O'Toole's teeth are ruff. You're rich, go see a dentist! Also, too many Caligula flashbacks.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 02:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Ned, I don't remember coming up with a summation of the movie, I think I was just shouting "IS THERE NO ONE ELSE! IS THERE NOOOO ONE ELSE! IMMORTALITY! IT'S YOURS! TAKE IT!" while Donut Bitch gave us his fab capsule version of the trailer.

I did see it the next day, though. My thoughts:

Pericles/Patroclus is so girly! I don't think I would have been turned on if there had been a homo scene between him and Achilles. They're both such old school/pre-clone gay fantasy types. Yawn. P didn't remind me of Hanson so much as Cynthia Nixon in Little Darlings.

http://www.dreamstarlets.com/features/!bios/cynthia_nixon22.jpg

I was hoping there be a bitchy "ooh, smell her" scene between him and Briseus, though.

The Myrmidons casual wear was pretty silly-those hippie chick skirts 'n' tops, god.

Disappointed there was no Eric Bana nude scene. And he's so NOT the poor man's Russell Crowe! He's Mark Ruffallo without the annoying mush-mouthed mannerisms, he's great! Needs to get in better movies, though.

Helen was giving Leelee Sobieski realness. Does it get any duller?

Weren't the reaction scenes during the fights hysterical? Poor Peter O'Toole. Every time the camera went back to him it was some effete variation on "Ouch, that smarts".

Brian Cox got just as many laughs as Brad at the show I went to. I've never seen him so over the top, I liked it.

What's with all the redheads in Ancient Greece/Troy? Oh, just reread the thread and Cacaman Flores mentioned something about all the blondes, too.

And the great balls of fire scene was awesome.

Yeah, I liked it, it was fun.

― Titsy Borgnine (Arthur), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 02:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Brian Cox is my hero.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 03:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Apparently Brian Cox looks like my dad.

― Allyzay, Tuesday, 18 May 2004 03:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Brian Cox vs. Brian Blessed

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 03:12 (twenty-two years ago)

"
Peter O'Toole's teeth are ruff. You're rich, go see a dentist! "

no money in the world can buy back a few decades of pouring whiskey after whiskey over those buggers.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 04:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I got the sense from Virgil's interpretation that Achilles was a fairly sadistic character.

Aeneas cameo aside, we're talking Homer, not Virgil. But even then, it's not so much based/inspired by the Iliad, it's a Hollywood movie (with accompanying conventions) that happens to use characters from the epics.

Brad wasn't totally useless, he moved quite ably.

Hector was bland for being so virtuouos.

Big ups to Odysseus, mostly because everyone else embodied a single characteristic. Wiliness by necessity requires more than one dimension.

If only to hear teenage girls sitting in the front audibly swoon during shirtless Ornaldo, not a horrible film.

― Leeefuse 73 (Leee), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 05:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Who was the giant that Achilles kills one on one in the beginning? He looked a bit like Goldberg.

― Leeefuse 73 (Leee), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 05:56 (twenty-two years ago)

ajax?

― cozen (Cozen), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 10:18 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah it was ajax/aias

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 13:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Prithee?

― ajax (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 13:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually you guys are talking about Boagrius, who was played by Nathan Jones, and yeah, he's been in the ring a couple of times apparently.

The other giant in the film is Ajax, yes, but he gets killed by Hector. Duh. Played by Tyler Mane, who as luck would have it ALSO appeared as a wrestler on WCW.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 18 May 2004 13:38 (twenty-two years ago)

oh, i was thinking of the hector battle, not of the first fight

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 13:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Wait, SABRETOOTH is in "Troy"???????

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 13:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Surely the face that launched a thousand ships would look like a champagne bottle.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 13:47 (twenty-two years ago)

So Ajax doesn't go bonkers after the fight over Achilles's armour, kill a load of sheep and then top himself?

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 15:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Eric Bana was MUCH more hott in Chopper

― Morley Timmons (Donna Brown), Tuesday, 18 May 2004 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

"Best comment I've heard: my sister, her boyfriend, and his roommate went to go see the film. At CLIMACTIC BRAD PITT EATS IT scene, roommate exclaims "Oh my god, he got shot in the heel and his name is Achilles, that's so weird! That's ironic!" My sister and boyfriend were incredulous. "

"wow! that's a great trick! it's almost like...a trojan horse!"

(when the horse was being wheeled into the city of troy, i just kept thinking "i didn't know you could use cgi to create a metaphor!" )

"i liked briseis, but hated andromache "

andromache's cheekbones frightened me. priseis looked like she was about 15 years old.

the movie didn't seem to have a handle on the paris character. at first it seems like his and helen's adolescent bullshit was being poked fun at, then toward the end they have all those "i love you! i will stay with you!" "intense" scenes which totally betrayed that reading. hm..

also brad pitt's jowls... can one get jowl cancer?

bombastic music SUCKED. especially woman howling constantly. i hate those slow crane shots made to reveal lots of set (or cgi set) before settling on a bunch of personages talking. "OH MY GOD WE'RE PASSING A HUGE STONE WALL...THE MUSIC IS SWELLING...I'M A GONNA CRY!"

― amateur!st (amateurist), Sunday, 23 May 2004 11:34 (twenty-two years ago)

"Oh my god, he got shot in the heel and his name is Achilles, that's so weird! That's ironic!"

Possibly the funniest thing I have ever heard.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 23 May 2004 11:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Totally bizarre movie.
-- @d@ml
N-Skillz sums up the movie for me. It's not just that it's bad, it's really strange. I think 95% of the fault is Petersen's. Brad, okay, it's Brad, but he wasn't horrible. His lines were horrible. Wolfie didn't seem to realize that there are two or three human beings in the film--people who need some direction. O'Toole's teeth hypnotized me like a train wreck in every one of his scenes. Orlando was only into Helen to get make-up tips. Paris = Paris Hilton, Helen = Nicole Richie. O-Blo was horrible. Minority here, but I thought Helen was v. pretty. Actually, I was surprised how closely the film did follow the poem. Slavish adherence to a book is not a receipe for a good film. x-post, x-post, x-post=Sean Bean=really good as Ody. Would be fun to see him in the sequel, W. Petersen's 'Odysssey', but he's far too old to ever get that role.

Script - vile. 15th rate. Worst thing about the film
Direction - vile.
Acting - valiant, exc. O-Blo who was vile.
Costumes - OMG WTF were those blue I-Dream-Of-Jeannie outfits that the guys wore?

― Skottie, Sunday, 23 May 2004 13:01 (twenty-two years ago)

bombastic music SUCKED

radically, groundbreakingly OTM

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 23 May 2004 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

the music drove me completely insane, especially the keening woman

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 23 May 2004 15:38 (twenty-two years ago)

noisiest goddamn swords i've ever heard in a movie.

― .rob (rgeary), Sunday, 23 May 2004 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

*twinggg* *zinggg* *slashhh* *twweeeee*

― .rob (rgeary), Sunday, 23 May 2004 16:41 (twenty-two years ago)

myrmidons storming the beach was nice. achilles' combat maneuvers were dope enough, between the laser-guided spear throws, twisty shield stops and the leaping kung-fu finisher, i would buy him as a legendary warrior. the single combats were much better than the big battles, which just got mushy and confusing despite what seemed like a lot of real extras and not entirely cg?

brian cox is awesome. firmly downshifted to b-movie gear and tore it up from the floor up. i grant him most favored actor status.

peter o'toole grovelling for an oscar? eh.

― .rob (rgeary), Sunday, 23 May 2004 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

can someone PLEASE put Brad Pitt out onto the stud farm - with his increasingly more talented wife?

― aimurchie, Sunday, 23 May 2004 17:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Sean Bean=really good as Ody. Would be fun to see him in the sequel, W. Petersen's 'Odysssey', but he's far too old to ever get that role.

Odysseus is 30-40 years old in his poem.

― Leeefuse 73 (Leee), Sunday, 23 May 2004 17:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Though I know you meant his age in terms of Hollywood castability.

― Leeefuse 73 (Leee), Sunday, 23 May 2004 17:30 (twenty-two years ago)

'zackly. Add in too the time it takes to make a film that huge and he's approaching 50.

Date of birth (location)
17 April 1959
Sheffield, Yorkshire, England, UK

― Skottie, Sunday, 23 May 2004 17:58 (twenty-two years ago)

"
noisiest goddamn swords i've ever heard in a movie.

-- .rob (rob_gear...) (webmail), May 23rd, 2004 10:40 AM. (rgeary) (later) (link)"

you have not seen bresson's lancelot du lac, then.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Sunday, 23 May 2004 19:18 (twenty-two years ago)

lefiensthal lives.

― anthony, Sunday, 23 May 2004 20:38 (twenty-two years ago)

riefenstahl?

― amateur!st (amateurist), Sunday, 23 May 2004 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

i saw the advert with the girl and the word troy at a bus stop but there was a guy standing infront of it and i thought it was a trojan advert. then i starting thinking that when i go out wearing my trojan t-shirt most people probably think im walking around with an advert for condoms on my chest. thats all i have to say about this movie.

― boot disk, Sunday, 23 May 2004 21:01 (twenty-two years ago)

i havent seen the movie but for some reason five minutes ago the above post seemed like a good idea.

― boot disk, Sunday, 23 May 2004 21:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Is there no-one else? Is there no-one else... who thinks that Brad looks like Marvin the Martian in this film?

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 24 May 2004 08:40 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.penny-arcade.com/images/2004/20040524l.jpg

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 24 May 2004 11:58 (twenty-two years ago)

four weeks pass...

I've just seen this, and it is one of the funniest films I've seen recently. At the Aeneas bit, the whole cinema just burst out laughing and I was just giggling pretty much all the way through.

It seemed that the director/scriptwriters just had a list of the bits of the Illiad, and went through them all. Achilles' Heel? Check. Trojan Horse? Check. Paris and Helen? Check...

― jellybean (jellybean), Tuesday, 22 June 2004 01:28 (twenty-two years ago)

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