When you are queen/king, who will be first against the wall?

now when did this become fucking acceptable? 10 years ago, i'm pretty certain children were taught (cause i was one then and i was taught) that when one reaches a certain age (about 14) that one was meant to cycle on the road.

but now? now every pathetic little fuck in their too small bike cycles on the pavement. and then they complain that it is only because the government hasn't put on enough cycle paths and that their insome way helping the environment in cycling. well can you think of anything more selfish than someone getting fit at the risk of others, who are equally environmentally sound. bastards.

other than that:

Mick Hucknall

an assortment of scriptwriters, novelists and playwrites; who own Agas and don't know how to use them

a musical equipment reviewer responsible for an article entitled 'microphone of the month'

a woman who described herself as 'a little bit Bridget, a little bit Ally and a little bit Sex in the City; and chose to call her baby boy 'Fred' as a childishly rebelious attempt at a clever reaction to those who might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert. [a bit of advice: call him Rupert, it fits and besides its a good name don't be calling him Fred or Archie with all its cheeky lovable working-class skamp connotations unless you really do have plans for him to spend his life in William Hills waiting for them to weigh in at Newton Abbot

Also being held is,
a whole wall full of teenagers spitting needlessly

an amateur thug in camoflague trousers who's japanese fighting dog had run amok on a swindon council estate

a man from the record company who said that George Michael continues to challenge social taboos through his music

Lisa Riley

continuity announcers introducing comedy shows

a pub band who get uppity when everyone goes to the bar during a song they have written themselves

a group of football fans referred to the Commadores, as in, "once, twice, three times a season" who feed sugar lumps to police horses at cup finals

an artist who said his next album will be more 'song based'

a man who informs people that he gets up at 6am every morning and seems to want a medal

people who say they speak as they find and are somehow proud of it

journalists who try to spell and interviewee's laugh

an organisation who declared an awareness week for 'awareness weeks'

and a council worker who dropped litter

bus drivers who dont wait for people to sit down before pulling away from the bus stop

taxi drivers who use their horns instead of knocking on the door

people who moan at the council about the streets being full of litter, not stopping to think that it is people who drop litter and not the council

a room full of drama teachers listening to björk

grown men who wrap up their shits worn over their jumpers who stand up and stretch out their arms when the opposing team fail to hit the target

an assortment of scriptwriters, novelists and playwrites; who own Agas and don't know how to use them

a musical equipment reviewer responsible for an article entitled 'microphone of the month'

a woman who described herself as 'a little bit Bridget, a little bit Ally and a little bit Sex in the City; and chose to call her baby boy 'Fred' as a childishly rebelious attempt at a clever reaction to those who might have expected her to call him Julian or Rupert. [a bit of advice: call him Rupert, it fits and besides its a good name don't be calling him Fred or Archie with all its cheeky lovable working-class skamp connotations unless you really do have plans for him to spend his life in William Hills waiting for them to weigh in at Newton Abbot

Also being held is,
a whole wall full of teenagers spitting needlessly

an amateur thug in camoflague trousers who's japanese fighting dog had run amok on a swindon council estate

a man from the record company who said that George Michael continues to challenge social taboos through his music

Lisa Riley

continuity announcers introducing comedy shows

a pub band who get uppity when everyone goes to the bar during a song they have written themselves

a group of football fans referred to the Commadores, as in, "once, twice, three times a season" who feed sugar lumps to police horses at cup finals

an artist who said his next album will be more 'song based'

a man who informs people that he gets up at 6am every morning and seems to want a medal

people who say they speak as they find and are somehow proud of it

journalists who try to spell and interviewee's laugh

an organisation who declared an awareness week for 'awareness weeks'

and a council worker who dropped litter

.....!

anyone who uses an umbrella under any circumstance

most of the entertainmnet industry

first against the wall, mark, not the ASS!

people with opinions which are of no consequence at all.

journalists who try to spell and interviewee's laugh ??

groups of people getting on busses in central london who think it acceptable for one of their number to buy a ticket from the machine and then get on the bus whilst the rest of them FAFF AROUND FOR FIVE MINUTES trying to work out how the machine works...

people who stand at the top of the stairs on a bus WHEN THERE ARE SEATS AVAILABLE

(i think you get the idea)

(oh and bad people, fascists, facists and people who quote half man half biscuit (not really on the last one obv.))

and ESTATE AGENTS

Tabloid Journalists.

The boyfs Ex.

And another vote for cyclists who run red lights, though I'll only lock up those who only do some when there are no other vehicles or pedestrians anywhere nearby.

how often i have to change the route i'm walking because of these horrors taking up space in MY world.

damn.

and their useless. and not beautiful.

Madchen, I'm sure the same guy was on the 66 last night - it was horriffic and had to be seen & heard to be believed.

crosspost

Then I wouldn't be able to get to work. I like your thinking.

and they mean you can get to work...

dishonorable mention to the 11 and 41.

3. Agents-a-letting.

* People who try to get on the train before people have finished getting off.

* People who sit on the outside of a double sit, necessitating you climbing over them if you want to sit down.

* People who leave their shopping on the last spare seat and only think to move it when you ask them.

* People with oyster cards who dawdle at the ticket barrier when their spacevoucher refuses to work.

GREAT. I JUST DIED, ROB!

Granted, this is very annoying, Ken, but let me offer up:

Meat-eaters who delight in talking about how much they LOVE MEAT around vegetarians, and who make "hilarious" jokes about vegetarian food/vegetarians/etc.

I'm sorry mandee, but that is the decree of the King. I considered the consequences of losing some ILXors and close friends in this bold strategy, but my mind was made up. The whole omelette/break eggs thing, ya know.

Mind you, I am kinda a Marketing person, so I guess this decree would be a combination of murder, suicide, and regicide.

Serious answer: people who claim not to give a shit about something but still feel the need to postulate at length about it.

That'd be me, then. Big time.

Moi aussi.

That's just if I were queen. Now, if I were Chancellor of the Exchequer....

miloauckerman, it bemuses me greatly to hear of this happening in your neck of the woods as well. Though it delights me to know that you react much the same way I react in this situation.

Also closely related to this animal: Those who dare to remain in a lane that's about to be merged into another lane who end up trying to muscle their way in at the last possible moment.

Orbit, you want to smite Lord Voldemort??

2) All musicians

3) All songwriters

4) All producers

Equally, people who ask stupid questions at ticket offices and dither and fanny around in exactly the same circumstances. These people make me homocidal.

I really was in a moral dilemma about this for quite some time.

Meat-eaters who delight in talking about how much they LOVE MEAT around vegetarians, and who make "hilarious" jokes about vegetarian food/vegetarians/etc

Let me offer up evangelists of all sorts. I don't agree with you. Sure, we can discuss it like grown ups but please don't keep trying to convince me that I really should come over to your side.

Madchen in Uniform = On The Money

I'm not a vegetarian, but if I were it would be for the social scene.

it's been 4 months you fucking leaches!!!

Also:

1. My so-called bank.
2. Job interviewers who don't understand that freelancing is a real job that's more like three real jobs if you figure in the accountancy and bailiff/bill collector roles, only with zero employment rights.
3. Unattractive magazine editors who pretend to be fucktoys on Popbitch.
4. People who, when unsuccessful in their creative endeavours, blame all possible external forces for this lack of success rather than dusting self off and trying again.
5. Religious zealots.
6. Any American descended from immigrants who feels the need to complain about more recent immigrants.
7. Unhelpful members of the white-collar service industry, wherever their call centre is located. Or their managers, if responsible for general unhelpfulness policies.

1.  All the rude, good-for-nothing Mexicans who are wealthy enough to be able to afford crossing the border and shopping for necessities locally, who end up at a Super Target, Wal-Mart Supercenter, and/or Sam's Club. These people find nothing wrong with clogging up entire aisles of stores, shouting at each other from across the entire store, practically, bumping into your cart and not even seeming to notice, or almost running pedestrians down as they traverse the parking lot in one of their minivans. These people will also make trips to Sears, Foley's, and/or Dillard's, but not every single Mexican who's at one of those stores behaves this improperly.

2.  Arrogantly macho males. OR males who think they need to prove their manhood by muscling their way in front of you or speeding past you, sometimes in these ridiculous-looking rice rockets, other times in these also ridiculous-looking monster trucks. It's intriguing to note just how many of these males look as if they're in their forties, BTW. I would estimate that 1/5 of these males are teenagers, 1/5 are in their twenties, another 1/5 are in their thirties, and the remaining 2/5 are in their forties.

3.  Local news people who find it necessary to complain about the weather if it's going to either be (a.) cold, (b.) rainy, or (c.) a combination of the two. Uh, hello? Do you REMEMBER where we live?! Lord knows we get more than enough oppressively sunny and hot days here! Look, I know you'd rather be lying outside getting skin cancer and all, but there's a reason why I rejoice over every rainy day and that reason is because I actually remember what it's like to be under severe water restrictions. Plus, we don't get nearly the number of cold days that I'd like. I'd like to actually use my sweater, thank you very much.

4.  Every single music reviewer who writes for Entertainment Weekly. Thanks to The Forum, I've been able to be much more tolerant of music critics than I was before, but I still hate the Entertainment Weekly (music) people and I relish the thought of hanging them from the gallows. I actually like everyone else now.

Hm. That'll be all.

People who wait until they've paid for their shopping before putting it in bags.

People who try and barge onto tube trains before people have got off.

people who read my paper over my shoulder (although I am allowed to do this if a story catches my eye, natch)

Radiohead and the darkness

Students drinking cheap lager on the tube

Charity muggers

people who tut

people who don't acknowledge that you were their first at the bar and jump in before you.

people who talk authoritatively about things that they obviously don't have a clue about.

The people who decide on the amount of legroom you get on all public transport and most cinemas

oooh, I've just thought of another one!

Well, if you're going to do him in, might as well throw in the rest of the Verve to make sure no funny business goes on.

you used a comma, there, but it was in the wrong place.

Calm down Barry, it's only a punctuation mark.

2. racist motherfuckers.

people who can't admit/apologize when they've made a mistake.

people who don't use turn signals.

the competition.

the bin ladens.

the bushes.

people who stand left.

people prettier than me.

people who just throw their trash on the good streets of toronto.

liars.

tools.

those asshats at the insurance companies.

any extreme (right, religious, etc.)

spoiled children.

those parents that made me kill their kid(s).

those people who protest gay peoples funerals.

girls that burst out in song at bars/parties/gatherings because they think they're some fucking undiscovered super-talented diva but really work the register at starbucks and could stand to loose 20 pounds.

lethargic gluttons.

people who nit-pick about punctuation.

anyone who kills large numbers of people for abstract & absurd reasons.

However,

Gods,
Priests
Belivers
Norman Tebbit
Lord Rothermere
Paul Dacre
Daily Mail readers in general
Estate agents
Any one who has said 'some of my best friends are ...., but....'
SUV drivers (Farmers forestry workers and those with a proper need to go up a 1 in 4 mud caked slope'

Ironic Stepford courtesy can be employed here with spectacular results. "I'm sorry, but it seems the agent is a bit disorganised - he didn't make an appointment so unfortunately this is not an appropriate time for a viewing." do not elaborate or explain further; shut that door. it also helps to talk about the agent to the viewers as if he is not actually standing there.

http://www.seethepassion.com/images/Jennifer.jpg

..Jennifer Giroux of www.seethepassion.com

ANALYSE THIS, MOTHERF*CKER!!! ::sound of machine gun fire::

you'll feel better

My fee is 150 quid an hour

BEER WIN!!!