The art of maintaining romance with no money at all

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Please come up with creative lovin' things you can do for your partner that require no money and very little time.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:28 (twenty years ago) link

i was going to suggest writing her a song but that can sometimes take a lot of time, depending on who you are.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:31 (twenty years ago) link

um, all my other suggestions revolve around making out.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:32 (twenty years ago) link

Haha well, that was kind of obvious so why not get it out of the way. I'm thinking like special surprises.

Writing a song for her has been out of the question ever since I started writing Black Metal. I mean, I don't hate her and want to kill her, you know? Besides, The Simpsons kind of ruined that one with the 'Can I Borrow A Feeling' episode.

Can I borrow a feeling?
Can you lend me a jar of love?
Hurtin' hearts need some healin'
Take my hand with your glove of love

Kurt van Housen (Milhouse's dad) divorces his wife and decides to try to make it in the music biz. That was the title song from his demo tape. His ex-wife is embarassed and apalled by the song and he only humiliates himself.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:38 (twenty years ago) link

bake her a cake! its not exactly free but most people tend to have some flour and cocoa lying around.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:42 (twenty years ago) link

and you can personalise the icing!

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:42 (twenty years ago) link

ew.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:43 (twenty years ago) link

colin, don't write her a song called "can i borrow a feeling".

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:43 (twenty years ago) link

I DIDN'T MEAN WITH CUM! (xpost)

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:44 (twenty years ago) link

hahaha sorry Di it was just too good a joke.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:45 (twenty years ago) link

OK then I won't. But I may just bake a cake. Without daddy batter.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:45 (twenty years ago) link

ewwwwwwwwww!

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:49 (twenty years ago) link

Nothing says "I love you" like a cake spattered with semen. Except maybe a nail gun.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:50 (twenty years ago) link

You could make a nice dinner too - depending on how skint/out of food you are I guess. A nice readymade dinner, even if its a simple one like pasta, could be prettied up with candles, get somethin' funky on teh stereo, that sort of thing.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:54 (twenty years ago) link

picnics are always good. And if you can't afford a picnic (?) you can always just go sit in the park and, if you are unbelievably twee, read poetry to each other.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:56 (twenty years ago) link

Grab her boobs.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:57 (twenty years ago) link

(my lad seems to think thats romantic!

I am so dead when I get home)

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:57 (twenty years ago) link

yeah yeah picnics! or, carrying on from the poetry idea, i love it when people read novels to me! its grebt.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:58 (twenty years ago) link

Yeah, I was gonna say novels, but poetry is more twee.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 02:59 (twenty years ago) link

awwwww. wuv. wuv and mawwiage.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 03:00 (twenty years ago) link

grab her boobs at a picnic (of wuv)

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 03:14 (twenty years ago) link

I keep thinking corny stuff like rose petals.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 03:36 (twenty years ago) link

ro-mance with no fi-nance is a damn nui-sance

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 03:38 (twenty years ago) link

Got to have a jayyy ooo beee, if joo wanna beee with meee.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 03:43 (twenty years ago) link

Last year for Joe's birthday, (I was unemployed and had no money) I made him a card which had detachable coupons for all sorts of ha-HEM, luvvin-sorts of things, to be redeemed when wanted. Starting with footrubs, backrubs, that sort of thing, and going up to... you know, other sexxy-type-stuff. That didn't cost any money at all, and was very romantic and sexxxxxxy and fun.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 07:59 (twenty years ago) link

Take her for a walk somewhere pretty with lots of water and open space.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:02 (twenty years ago) link

Matt, would you recommend Green Park for such a walk?

― Porkpie (porkpie), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:07 (twenty years ago) link

Starting with footrubs, backrubs, that sort of thing, and going up to... you know, other sexxy-type-stuff. That didn't cost any money at all, and was very romantic and sexxxxxxy and fun.
-- Super-Masonic Black Hole

No, I'm not sure I do know, Kate. Up to...? Please elaborate. hehehe

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:28 (twenty years ago) link

Great ideqa btw. I may just have to do that. Of course, it will consist of backrubs followed by more backrubs.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:29 (twenty years ago) link

you can never give her enough backrubs

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:32 (twenty years ago) link

Sexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxy type stuff.

I mean, mine was for a boy so it was all boy sexxxxxxy type stuff like "good for one teabagging" and "I will dress up like a Victorian Schoolmarm and cane you" and the like. Substitute other activities that may appeal to a girl. You know, like "Nude housekeeping with a giant comedy featherduster to cover the naughty bits" and the like. I don't know. Use your imagination!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:33 (twenty years ago) link

Matt, would you recommend Green Park for such a walk?

Yes. Take her dogging.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:35 (twenty years ago) link

Hrmmm. The funny thing is, all the things on the cards were things I didn't mind, or even actually enjoyed myself. Had I *really* been pragmatic as well as romantic, I would have included coupons for things like "I will sit through an hour of ranting about the state of modern art and hypocritical bitching about the Saatchi Collection" or "Two free hours of rampant atheistic dogmatism" or other whatnot that I actually *hated*. That would have been far more of a sacrifice and therefore more romantic. Or, erm, something.

Sorry, I'm rubbish at this romance thing.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:37 (twenty years ago) link

"Two free hours of rampant atheistic dogmatism"

You get that too? Hahaha!

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:42 (twenty years ago) link

Got. Past tense. I never have to put up with the rampant atheist ranting EVER AGAIN!!! This is one of the best things about being single.

I don't know why atheists think it's perfectly OK to rant on and on about atheisism, when if you had to put up with the same amount of time and energy from a born-again Christian or something, you'd open the door, shove them out it, and slam it in their face...

Bitter, moi?

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:45 (twenty years ago) link

Hey! Not all atheists think that it's ok to do that!

― Ricardo (RickyT), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:46 (twenty years ago) link

If I quoted the Bible at him, like he quoted Richard Dawkins, why... ::shakes fist::

Anyway, we are talking about romance here, not atheism!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:48 (twenty years ago) link

Hey yeah, sorry.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:49 (twenty years ago) link

Of course there's my old standby, breakfast in bed with all the fixin's.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:52 (twenty years ago) link

Ricky seconded. Although there is mucho free entertainment in baiting extremely stupid religious people.

"Oooh, don't you just love what they wear in the Watchtower, honey? All those nice pastel polyester leisure suits, just the ticket for meeting your Maker in!"

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:52 (twenty years ago) link

Breakfast in bed is loverly! In fact, being cooked for, fullstop, is loverly.

x-post ... LIKE I SAID ON THE CLAIRVOYANT THREAD, if it's wrong for other people to do it to you, it's wrong for you to do it to other people. Fucking hypocritical atheists. You should all be rounded up and shot - WHO'S GOING TO MEET ETERNAL NOTHINGNESS NOW, HUH? HUH?

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:54 (twenty years ago) link

I derive great pleasure from baiting Christians, but there's not much fun to be had baiting rampant atheists, because they're right.

Breaky in bed will definitely go on the coupon card. Plus there's one sexxxxxy thing that she'll love, that can go on there too. What's a teabagging, incidentally?

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:55 (twenty years ago) link

You don't want to know.

(Though I must admit that I found out the term from ILX, actually.)

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 08:56 (twenty years ago) link

I'm perfectly happy for the religious to criticise me for my atheism. Can't take, don't dish etc.

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:07 (twenty years ago) link

I like to take the religious view or the atheist view depending on whether I feel like it. I am a post nihilist I think.

ANYWAY. There'll be no teabagging, as if the term came from ILX, I can guess what it involves.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:09 (twenty years ago) link

Good morning, pot! My name is kettle! You're looking a bit dark today!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:11 (twenty years ago) link

Hahaha no no, I'm totally in favour of teabagging, whatever it is, but I suspect it involves something I should be getting for my birthday, rather than hers. I like tea. She's not so much of a fan.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:13 (twenty years ago) link

you could make her a cd of 'significant songs' from your relationship. my brother's long-term girlfriend made him a picture frame from dried flowers from the bouquets he'd given her since they started dating. cheesy, but sweet. photo collages are nice, and can be done inexpensively with color copiers.

how long have you been dating? that makes a difference, i think...

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:13 (twenty years ago) link

About 3 years.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:14 (twenty years ago) link

Ha ha ha, whoops, sorry, that was an X-post to Suzy.

But, erm, yeah, you're right on the teabagging being a your-present thing rather than a her-present thing.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:15 (twenty years ago) link

It's a different thing when she's drunk, but ANYWAY, let's see, we've got footrub, backrub, brekkie in bed, the sexxxxy thing she likes, hmmm photo collage is great idea but I don't know whether I have the photos. We take photos, they go straight on the fridge. Maybe a really really sweet little note and package of little things I've made, little collages or something. Yes....

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:19 (twenty years ago) link

oral sex, costs no money, keeps the partner satisfied, everyone is happy, everyone gets to eat, a bargain really.

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:20 (twenty years ago) link

It wouldn't be a coupon card without at least one of those.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:25 (twenty years ago) link

I don't 'give' sexual things as presents, because I don't like the taint of doing someone a favour. If I don't enjoy something then I probably just won't do it, tbh, and if I do enjoy it then we'll be doing it anyway so it wouldn't be much cop as a gift.

Things you've made are always the best gifts, whatever they are. A (non-sexually!) personalised cake is my favourite suggestion so far.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:31 (twenty years ago) link

yeah, i like the idea of a cake or something similar.

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:32 (twenty years ago) link

yeah, thats true. doing sexual things as favours is wrong. its the wrong path.

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:33 (twenty years ago) link

Someone who gave me a photo collage (the gift that says 'look! this is the corner of our room where we prove we've got FRIENDS and a LIFE against all other evidence!') in a clipframe would be shown the door IMMEDIATELY as I object to these on aesthetic grounds.

Free condoms: Terence Higgins Trust
Free art: National Gallery, National Portrait Gallery

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:34 (twenty years ago) link

It's not doing sex as a favour - it's doing sex as a gift! It's making some special into something even *more* special!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:37 (twenty years ago) link

dick, trust me, there's one thing that should definitely be on that coupon.

Cake - or a pavlova. She likes those, and they're not too hard to make.

http://www.lieblingsrezepte.ch/Bilder/pavlova.jpg

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:38 (twenty years ago) link

Hmm, I dunno. If you can say 'I will do a nice sex thing for you because of x' then you can say 'I WON'T do a nice sex thing for you because of x', and witholding sex is the crappest idea anyone ever had. Nobody wins! I just want to remove the because.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:41 (twenty years ago) link

Plan a really cool walk (if you're in a reasonable sized city, this can be thematically linked with nice architecture and that), possibly incorporating a romantic picnic, and make up a pretty itinerary card for it.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:41 (twenty years ago) link

A really nice thing to do is, when she's out, get lots of candles or tealights (pretty inexpensive) and spread them all around the bathroom. Pipe some sexy tunes in, scatter rose petals in the bath. Help her undress and pour her a glass of wine while she soaks. Heat a bath towel for when she gets out and offer to dry her off.

Works a treat, I promise.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:42 (twenty years ago) link

CAKE! Cake is the best gift ever! Man, I love cake. Quickest way to RickyT's heart really is through the cakehole.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:44 (twenty years ago) link

Yes suzy, I cannot be corny with this woman.

Penelope and Liz are TOTALLY on the money with those ones.

I once found a $2 hip flask in a second hand store with a leather sheath with the drama happy clown mask/sad clown mask on the front. She LOVED it. I couldn't tell her how cheap it was.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:44 (twenty years ago) link

you could do a picnic/walk that ends with a CAKE! combine all the best suggestions...

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:46 (twenty years ago) link

The picnic, the cake, the wine, then home for a bath with rose petals...

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:49 (twenty years ago) link

Yep.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:49 (twenty years ago) link

And paint her toenails! If a man took the time and patience to do mine, I'd find that incredibly sexy and romantic.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:49 (twenty years ago) link

Then a footrub, then a bagrub.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:49 (twenty years ago) link

A BACKrub. A backrub. Jeeeezus.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:50 (twenty years ago) link

No, see, Archel, I like your idea even less - because it makes sex out to be something you *have* to do with your partner, regardless of how you feel about it. Which is the slippery slope that eventually leads to marital rape.

Some sex acts are more geared towards the pleasure of one partner than the other. They just are. In things like backrubs or cunnilingus or teabagging one partner is very much the receiver and the other the giver. To do it as a special gift *because* you know it's something special for a partner, that, to me, is a better idea than doing it out of obligation or duty.

I mean, *any* of these things - cooking dinner, going for romantic walks with your partner, etc. - are things that one could or perhaps *should* really be doing for your partner all the time in a romantic relationship. Sometimes it's nice to make a big deal out of something simple, that's what keeps the romance in, for me.

But... like I have said, what do I know about romance anyway?

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:50 (twenty years ago) link

Yeah you know, they should be done every day, but they aren't are they? And I am no exception.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:52 (twenty years ago) link

I agree with Penelope on the bath (was just about to type it!) but if you are looking for romance rather than a treat, I would suggest having the bath together with candles & wine. I love that the most! Especially if it's with champagne, but I am happy with a cheap bottle of cava!!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:54 (twenty years ago) link

yeah! a bottle of cava, plus a bath-bomb from lush (under £3 and SOOOO luxurious) and some candles= somewhat cheezy but still really sweet and thoughtful romance.

offer to wash her hair, as well. it is so nice to have someone else wash your hair.

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:56 (twenty years ago) link

Oh, you are so right. Combine applying conditioner with scalp massage and it's a surefire winner.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:57 (twenty years ago) link

I'm putty right now.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:59 (twenty years ago) link

Yes, that's a good one.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:59 (twenty years ago) link

It's in the bag.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 09:59 (twenty years ago) link

Yeah it IS really nice to make a big deal out of something sometimes, I'd never deny that. Some sex IS different and special for all kinds of reasons.

I just wouldn't want someone to emphasise that they were doing something sexual FOR me, as a present. If they are doing something kinda one-way then I know it's because they want to please me and that's enough, without announcing it. I suppose that's all I don't like, the *announcing* or the edge of bestowing favours.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:00 (twenty years ago) link

I disagree on the bath front. But I would. I like having baths, but they're private things for me.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:00 (twenty years ago) link

Well I think she's good to go with the bath thing. It's tried and tested, that one.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:04 (twenty years ago) link

whats wrong with someone doing something sexual and nice FOR you? its a nice gesture.

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:10 (twenty years ago) link

teabagging did not come from ILX. Its an age old practice.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:27 (twenty years ago) link

Yes, but I learned the *word* for it on ILX.

In fact, come to think about it, on a thread where I was talking about Joe intruding on my bathtime by coming into the bathroom while I was bathing, and plunking a speaker playing Spiritualized and a BEANBAG on the floor by the bath. Someone misread the post as "teabag" and... well...

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:29 (twenty years ago) link

yeah that was me.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:35 (twenty years ago) link

BWAH HAH HAH HAH HAH!

You made Joe a very happy man. Well, for a while. Grrrrr.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:36 (twenty years ago) link

ha. i love that the most common theme on a thread about romancing a girl is teabagging.

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:37 (twenty years ago) link

I'm sorry.

It's depressed me, bringing it up, so I am reaping my just desserts... Or deserts, as the case may be. :-(

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:39 (twenty years ago) link

"Find threads from I Love Everything, containing teabagging.
35 results found"

AND I STILL DON'T GET IT! What is teabagging? Please spell it out to me in your most blatantly detailed way.

― Hanna (Hanna), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:24 (twenty years ago) link

I think you should ask the same question on the oral sex thread, and you might get a response. PLEASE no one respond here... keep this thread work safe!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:27 (twenty years ago) link

(Sorry, didn't mean to defile the romance thread!)

― Hanna (Hanna), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:29 (twenty years ago) link

It's OK, I already have - just we don't need to get any more graphic here!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:30 (twenty years ago) link

hanna, i've asked for you on the oral sex thread, hopefully someone will answer!

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:32 (twenty years ago) link

done.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:35 (twenty years ago) link

Thank you!

― Hanna (Hanna), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:45 (twenty years ago) link

The thought of my other half doing something sexual for me because they know I like it but I know *they* don't is an utter turn-off.

(though sometimes I can convince myself that just this once, they *are* enjoying it)

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:30 (twenty years ago) link

It's not so much "don't like it" as "mildly indifferent towards it".

I can't think of any circumstances under which I would do something I actively disliked sexually for a partner. A partner who loved me wouldn't ask me to. (Well, not more than the once it would take to find out that I didn't like it.)

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:32 (twenty years ago) link

Essentially I just agree with Archel's theory that even the concept of sexual favours creates relativistic issues that I wouldn't want to deal with. That doesn't mean that within the strict confines of bedroom games it might not be acceptable, but as an actual socio-political tactic it's a dud from the start.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:36 (twenty years ago) link

i think too much is being read into this. If I wanted to lavish some romance on my boy & i thought part of it was oral, then that would be more for him. I enjoy doing it, I wouldn't do it otherwise, but I would want it to be all about him, not about me, that is why you can 'treat' a partner sexually. Invariably I wouldn't do it if I didn't enjoy it.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:39 (twenty years ago) link

x-post to Mark...

Some people have a problem with power games in the bedroom?

But the bedroom is exactly the place FOR power games.

Keep them in the bedroom, keep them out of places in the relationship that they don't belong. (Such as jealousy over the previous life before said relationship, something which *I* personally would find utterly unacceptible in a partner. So it only goes to show that everybody has a different idea of what they would or wouldn't find OK in a relationship - that's why there's chocolate *and* vanilla.)

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:40 (twenty years ago) link

Well, I do want to demonstrate consideration and romance and stuff and I will do that sexually sometimes. I guess it would easy to get into too much of a boring routine if the concept of giving your partner a treat *never* enters into sex.

ha, xpost with Pink. Yes.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:44 (twenty years ago) link

In that case, Kate, I think we're agreeing!

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:45 (twenty years ago) link

I don't think power games necessarily have a place in relationships at all tbh, but if you are talking about say for example playing the dominant one in the bedroom, then that's fine.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:45 (twenty years ago) link

'Games' is the operative word here I think...

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:47 (twenty years ago) link

Don't get me wrong, sex games are fine, but not 'games' as in some sort of power struggle within the relationship you know.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:02 (twenty years ago) link

Well... I *thought* (perhaps wrongly, considering what eventually ended up happening within the relationship) that sexual power games in the bedroom were a good way of symbolising or diverting or preventing actual power games outside of the bedroom.

Not in a negative "withholding sex/rewarding" sort of way, but more in a "let's play symbolic sexual games instead of actual power games" sort of way.

But boy, was I wrong...

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:08 (twenty years ago) link

Not really sure what you are getting at K, (brain is mush due to a crappy day at work) but I would have thought the bedroom was the one place where it was better to be up front & honest,no?

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:15 (twenty years ago) link

I'm not talking about being dishonest! I'm talking about turning your partner over your knee and beating him with a cane when you're experiencing tensions in other parts of your lives!

Though unfortunately, the effect of that eventually wears off...

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:17 (twenty years ago) link

Hm, to be honest if I've got issues in a part of my relationship, the last place I would want to sort them out would be during sex, but's it's a interesting point that you've made.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:20 (twenty years ago) link

Thing is, it did actually work in the short term. But, very obviously, it didn't work in the long term. It was just another way of diverting or avoiding arguments which could not be indefinitely avoided.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:23 (twenty years ago) link

I think it;s a valid viewpoint kate, wish that could work for me. although i'm sure there have been a few anger sessions in the bedroom at times!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:24 (twenty years ago) link

If they are arguments which are silly and don't really affect much of anything, then I think it works. But, unfortunately, there were too many VERY IMPORTANT arguments which needed to be discussed and resolved - it was just another way of avoiding dealing with them.

I mean, it's a good way to get out of an argument about whose turn it is to do the dishes. It's not a good way to get out of an argument about whose flat you are going to live in.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:26 (twenty years ago) link

If you want to go the uber-slick route, slow dance with her in a very very dimly lit room.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:27 (twenty years ago) link

All we need to make sure is that bedroom games are understood as "sexxxy fun and pretending etc." while power games are defined as "manipulative, divisive struggles for control in the holistic relationship" or somesuch. Does that make sense?

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:28 (twenty years ago) link

Yes, it makes sense. And I still stand by the assertation that sometimes, when used in the right way, bedroom games can prevent or at least sublimate power games.

Maybe it didn't work in the long run, but it did work for over a year.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:33 (twenty years ago) link

Jeanne is OTM.

Personally I dont' think I'd ever know what to do with a book of coupons, I'd never use them.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:43 (twenty years ago) link

Ooh yes jeanne, definitely!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:46 (twenty years ago) link

If you are going to cook her a meal, make sure you go the whole way & dress up in a suit aswell.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:47 (twenty years ago) link

I'd be too busy laughing my ass off to slow dance with anyone.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:48 (twenty years ago) link

Cooking while in the suit can be a trouble, though.

(I am getting better at making tomato sauces, so the next step for me is considering homemade pasta.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:48 (twenty years ago) link

In the right mood i think that would be lovely. each to their own though I guess.
x-post
Change at the last minute ned innit? ;-)

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:49 (twenty years ago) link

Or cook nude, whatever works best.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:50 (twenty years ago) link

Yeah, I hope your dong enjoys being scalded with bacon grease then.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:50 (twenty years ago) link

*shudders* oh the splashback!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:50 (twenty years ago) link

*bows* Thus the 'whatever works best' caveat. For all I know some people are into that!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:51 (twenty years ago) link

I'm gonna barf.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:05 (twenty years ago) link

You could make paper aeroplanes.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:58 (twenty years ago) link

Go dumpster diving!

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:00 (twenty years ago) link

Sit in town and make up stories about people as they walk by.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:02 (twenty years ago) link

I second bake her a cake. I know that's what I'd want.

― Cathy (Cathy), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:10 (twenty years ago) link

what about boys? what do the boys like? i feel like girls are much easier to captial "R" Romance . . .

― kelsey (kelstarry), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:15 (twenty years ago) link

Eggs and flour don't run for free.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:15 (twenty years ago) link

I like smiles and cuddles. That'll do me.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:26 (twenty years ago) link

Laugh at my lame jokes and compliment my hair.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:29 (twenty years ago) link

Sit in town and make up stories about people as they walk by.

That's so Annie Hall!

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:43 (twenty years ago) link

If a boy baked me a cake, I'd be flattered but it's really not enough to encompass an entire birthday surprise is it? If I were to describe my perfect birthday surprise it'd be: a roomful of beanbags, mint milano cookies, peach chardonnay, and "Mannequin" (THE FILM) - oh and GETTIN DRUNK and then prank calling people. I'm very mature.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:44 (twenty years ago) link

jel & markelby...what about doing something a little out of the ordinary? are boys that simple?

― kelsey (kelstarry), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 17:26 (twenty years ago) link

If you are going to cook her a meal, make sure you go the whole way & dress up in a suit aswell.
-- PinXor

Oooh yes and slow dancing both.

What do boys like? Dress ups.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 20:24 (twenty years ago) link

Kelsey, I think I feel uncomfortable if someone goes out of their way to please me. Mayeb I feel that the attention is a bit much, or that I don't deserve special treatment? Which is odd cos I love doing it for the people I care about. But yeah, having my gf be loving, attentive aand proactive and HAPPY is perfect for me.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:04 (twenty years ago) link

The best birthday I ever had, my gf welcomed me at the door, blindfolded me, led me to bubblebath, put champagne in my hand, tray of oysters on ice on my lap, then back to the kitchen for her to finish special dinner with candles.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:11 (twenty years ago) link

Did you accidentally eat the rock salt?

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 2 September 2004 00:52 (twenty years ago) link

The blindfold was off at that stage.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Thursday, 2 September 2004 01:12 (twenty years ago) link

sitting on the street and making up stories about people is a great idea. best done on the roof of a building instead of on the street, and with a bottle of cheap bubbly.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Thursday, 2 September 2004 02:25 (twenty years ago) link

I would vote for the combo of dressing up, making her dinner, and slowdancing in candlelight. How's the romance! I'd be hugely impressed if someone did that for me.

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 2 September 2004 02:27 (twenty years ago) link

Gotta say, she loves it when I don a nice suit. Dancing lessons I have never had, such a shame.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Thursday, 2 September 2004 02:29 (twenty years ago) link

you don't need dancing lessons for slowdancing! all you need is sexy music and physical proximity! i think almost all men scrub up beautifully in a suit.

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 2 September 2004 02:30 (twenty years ago) link

i'm worried about the dancing suggestion tho... cos even though i love LOVE love dancing, if someone who emphatically doesn't dance suddenly wants to slowdance with me, i'd laugh riotously.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Thursday, 2 September 2004 02:32 (twenty years ago) link

hehe good point lady ms lurex. Laughter is fun too though!

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 2 September 2004 02:36 (twenty years ago) link

Yes Di, but you're you and she is she. She'd be fine with it. I'm certain!

you don't need dancing lessons for slowdancing! all you need is sexy music and physical proximity!
-- gem

Hooray, you're right!! What music?

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Thursday, 2 September 2004 02:37 (twenty years ago) link

go the dancing then, col!

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Thursday, 2 September 2004 02:41 (twenty years ago) link

you have to choose the music col! as an aside, i am very daggy but i think elvis costello's version of my funny valentine is most sexy.

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 2 September 2004 02:43 (twenty years ago) link

Hehehe I'm thinking some sloooow jazz.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Thursday, 2 September 2004 02:57 (twenty years ago) link

Just do the little things often.

― jim wentworth (wench), Thursday, 2 September 2004 03:02 (twenty years ago) link

I'm easily wooed by the silliest things - if I came home to find my boy had cleaned the entire house top to bottom, and lit candles and poured some wine and then stuck on a nice DVD, I'd be ovr the moon.

I suspect if I did some nice thing for him like dressups or cuddles he'd just want to jump my bones within 5 minutes flat, haha. Ah, men. Luv yas.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 2 September 2004 03:08 (twenty years ago) link

jim wentworth couldn't be more right if he tried.

― The Lady Ms Lurex (lucylurex), Thursday, 2 September 2004 03:12 (twenty years ago) link

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