One-night stands - classic or dud?

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Can you have great, satisfying sex with someone, and then never want to sleep with them again?

(I think the answer is generally not, but in certain very particular circumstances you can.)

― Gordon Pym, Tuesday, 28 September 2004 08:59 (twenty-one years ago)

one-nite standz VS one-nite sleep-overz -- fite not!

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:09 (twenty-one years ago)

one night cuddles

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:13 (twenty-one years ago)

One-night arsefucks.

― Rasputin Kitten (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:17 (twenty-one years ago)

one-night living with gear.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Ebay is calling, ken c.

― Rasputin Kitten (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:21 (twenty-one years ago)

to be gear's roommate?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:22 (twenty-one years ago)

No one wants to answer seriously?

I'm assuming your average one-night stand follows on from a house party or a night in a club or bar and is fuelled by much booze and/or other substances. But if the sex is genuinely good, then will you always hope that it will lead to something else? Can you ever really be satisfied with a "good" one-night stand? (Of course, most one-night stands turn out pretty lame). The only one-night stand I had that was "successful" (in that it was fun for both of us and didn't go further than a single night) was when I met someone in a bar and we both were sort of involved with other people, but we figured what the hell for just one night. I think neither of us regretted or wanted it to go further than that night. However, that is probably the exception that proves the rule.

― Gordon Pym, Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:28 (twenty-one years ago)

usually dud. mostly cos you wake up the next day and remember what a total moron you just slept with.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:30 (twenty-one years ago)

soon after that you remember what a total moron she just slept with. that feeling lingers for a day or two.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:31 (twenty-one years ago)

but in general do people actually agree on whether it's gonna be a one night stand or not? or just play it by the ear (not literally) like. if it's really that wonderful (for both) maybe it'd lead to more things anyway.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:33 (twenty-one years ago)

If a one-night stand involves amazing sex, chances are it won't stay a one-night stand for long, no?

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:34 (twenty-one years ago)

a two or three night stand???

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I've had maybe two. They were ok. But they didn't really count maybe because I did see them again afterwards, although not in a romantic/sexual context. Universities are not conducive environments for REAL one night stands.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I think you can. Sometimes sex can be a friendly thing. If you both know the score before you jump into bed it's fine, it's when one person is expecting more or trying to use the one night stand to bolster their self esteem that things go wrong.

Sex within a realtionship is lovely and great, but one night stands get a bad press.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:36 (twenty-one years ago)

The morning after is more significant than the night before.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:37 (twenty-one years ago)

it's all down to whether she leaves or if she keeps lying there and let him touch her booty. and whether he goes to make breakfast, or just play it cool or maybe just put his hands on her booty.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Possibly breakfast is the key thing here.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Booty is the key thing here, duh!

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:42 (twenty-one years ago)

they're all important.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Possibly breakfast is the key thing here.
-- Anna
Booty is the key thing here, duh!

-- CharlieNo4

Ah, the gender divide.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:43 (twenty-one years ago)

it's when one person is expecting more or trying to use the one night stand to bolster their self esteem that things go wrong.

I've never understood one-night stands for self esteem. I can't see myself feeling great about myself because some I just slept with never wants to see me again. "Wow, was I THAT good?"

― Craig Gilchrist, Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Exactly.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Possibly old-fasioned here but I'd actually say it was about the cuddling and the sort of bizarre but insanely liberating conversation you can only have with someone you've woken up in an unexpected but very intimate situation with.

Breakfast poses the hangover problem.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I had a friend who once asked the girl the next morning if he could send a text on her phone. he then deleted his number, and said he was going to make a sandwich, and ran out the back door, climbed a wall, and made his way home.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I've had some of these. Sometimes you have sex and it's good and you realise that you don't have enough to form a real relationship. The most gorgeous person I ever had sex with was also the most vacuous. I don't think I've ever regretted any of these occasions, and as far as I know nor has the other person or people.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Anna OTM. They can be great. There are lots of reasons for not wanting to see someone again like:

- your partner would kill you if he/she found out.
- you live in a different country.
- you work together and that would make things icky.
- you're related and the kids would be retards.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Lara's last point OTM.

I had an 18 month stand once. And a three week stand. And a 16-hour stand.

― Rasputin Kitten (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:10 (twenty-one years ago)

You must have been exhausted.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:12 (twenty-one years ago)

During one of them I got puked on.

― Rasputin Kitten (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I caused one of mine to have a violent allergic reaction.

(Actually it turned out to be the flowers I had in my room but it was quite scary for a while.)

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Did he sneeze, puke or swell up like a balloon?

― Rasputin Kitten (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:25 (twenty-one years ago)

i've had more of these than i'd like to admit to myself. the best ones have been with people i (a) knew nothing about and (b) who lived in another state/country..

― the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:27 (twenty-one years ago)

― Rasputin Kitten (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:28 (twenty-one years ago)

He sneezed, itched and his face swelled up. Maybe he was an alien actually. He was certainly a bastard.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I could never spell 'alien' when I was a child. I can now though. Alien. See?

― Rasputin Kitten (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Were you in flagrante delicto when he swelled up?

Did someone have to come in with a bucket of water to separate you?

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:33 (twenty-one years ago)

His FACE not his MEMBER.

SHE IS FUCKING TEH ALLERGIC.

― Rasputin Kitten (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)

It COULD happen. Even with the face.

Maybe.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)

The most gorgeous person I ever had sex with was also the most vacuous.

ISN'T IT THE MOST FRUSTRATING THING IN THE WORLD??!?!
hooking up with lame hot hippy chick whos cheating on hacky-sack kickin' fuckface boyfriend = DUD.

― brock (brock), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:35 (twenty-one years ago)

archel =
http://hem.passagen.se/webjonas/bilder/xmen.jpg

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Strangely enough, the most gorgeous person I ever had sex with was probably one of the most intelligent.

― Jedermann sein eigener Fussball (Dada), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:40 (twenty-one years ago)

hooking up with lame hot hippy chick whos cheating on hacky-sack kickin' fuckface boyfriend = DUD.

OMG You stole my post!

― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:41 (twenty-one years ago)

NO we did not have to be separated! In fact IIRC he valiantly/stupidly tried to hold off the attack until we'd finished having teh sex.

xpost ken I can't see that picture and I'm sure I don't want to...

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I remember thinking at first that it was just an elaborate ruse to leave in the early hours of the morning. But the wheezing was very authentic... he also nearly died eating a brazil nut once, I heard. Shame.

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 11:44 (twenty-one years ago)

oh archel it was just one of "rouge" from x-men

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Aha. ('Rogue'. I like the name 'Rouge' though.)

― Archel (Archel), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Rouge, Blush and Eyeliner, heroes for our time.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyway, back on topic, the best is when you wake up with their boyfriend cooking you breakfast.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Or when you find a gnawed-off arm on your pillow.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:09 (twenty-one years ago)

They're always going on about hero products on QVC

*returns to daytime TV*

― Madchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:09 (twenty-one years ago)

it's best to wake up with their boyfriends making you breakfast

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:10 (twenty-one years ago)

That would be beyond classic (unless it was after some sort of we're bored of each other as a couple threesomes).

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:28 (twenty-one years ago)

it's best to wake up with their boyfriends making you breakfast

Even better if it's breakfast in bed - tray, copy of the Telegrpah etc

― Jedermann sein eigener Fussball (Dada), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:30 (twenty-one years ago)

+ one altoid

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:31 (twenty-one years ago)

+ food to go on the tray

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:32 (twenty-one years ago)

they were classic when i was in college.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:32 (twenty-one years ago)

"I've taken the precaution of bringing you some Resolve - you two must have been totally hammered last night! Shall I stir it for you?"

― Jedermann sein eigener Fussball (Dada), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:34 (twenty-one years ago)

wake up the next morning, they eat you out for breakfast, with their boyfriends serving you breakfast in bed. i think this is it.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Crosspost
To which you reply: "Well at least someone's taking precautions."

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Touche!

― Jedermann sein eigener Fussball (Dada), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:38 (twenty-one years ago)

One night stands are great! All you have to do is remember that it's a one night stand, and you're sorted. It's when you (or anyone else, for that matter) forget this fact that it gets a little difficult.

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 12:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I never had one. Well, kinda, once. It's complicated.

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Classic. YOU GET TO HAVE SEX!

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 14:48 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah they usually are!

xpost

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

all the above seem to be written with a hint of inexperience in the subject. i (being a straight a student in the subject) have had many many many one night stands, 95% of which i deeply regret. yet i still go out and do them knowing the awkwardness and sometimes horror depending on how much drink was involved that greets you as soon as you open your eyes! you never seem to learn your lesson, i havn't learnt mine! so keep doin' it and be ready for that knock at the door 1 year later from the csa!

― lucifer, Tuesday, 28 September 2004 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Is a lot of kissing and cuddling a no-no for one-night stands, or am I confusing it wth prostitution?

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

If your definition of prostitute comes from "Pretty Woman" then that one's likely a yes.

― Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Prostitution is where you leave the fee on the table. One night stands only require a small tip.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Or breakfast, depending.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Ugh

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Prostitution is where you leave the fee on the table. One night stands only require a small tip.

C'est une double entendre, non?

― Jedermann sein eigener Fussball (Dada), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Seriously though, is minimal cuddling a feature of a one-night stand? I don't think that strictly speaking, I've ever had one.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I think minimal cuddling is usual, but it depends.

― Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

C'est une double entendre, non?

C'est peut-être un double entendre mais ce n'est certainement pas une double entendre.

― Le Pedant (Hereward), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

"Is a lot of kissing and cuddling a no-no for one-night stands, or am I confusing it wth prostitution?"

bless your cotton socks! you little sweetie.

― lucifer, Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

During most of my one night stands, there is no touching permitted.

― Ally C (Ally C), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

All of the one night stands I've ever had were conspicuous for their kissing, cuddling and breakfast making - except for that time on the train.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know if it's good to be blessed by Lucifer or not.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

UGH.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

what ally said. like 100 times over.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm I being ughed at, or is it something else?

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Am I, I mean.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

No, as I haven't had a one night stand with you.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

... yet

― Jedermann sein eigener Fussball (Dada), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, obviously.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, she'd ughing one-night stands. That's OK. I was worried.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't type today. It's just as well I'm off work.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:46 (twenty-one years ago)

one night stands while listening to akinelye - put it in your mouth, classic or dud?

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

It is actually an ambition of mine to have at least one really good, well-handled one-night stand, where we both understand that for some good reason we don't want to see each other again, despite having had a really great time. As has been said, I suppose travelling is a good situation in which this might occur. I should travel more.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

the morning after one particularly ugh-worthy experience, i was dragged to an all bar one for bloody marys. i said i was going to the ladies and went out through one of the back exits. it was almost, but not quite, worth it to get to live out such a stock bad film moment.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

haha jesus i once refused to stay at all.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not proud of this, but I once refused to stay and like actual finish.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

wow.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Do people who keep regretting all their ughy one-night stands remember being keen for them to happen beforehand, or is it more a case of being drunkenly swept along or whatever?

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

it's a case of knowing you can get laid in the present.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

er, balanced against potential looming cringiness in the future.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

alcohol, so much to answer for.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

not always an easy decision!

xpost

― captain obvious (gcannon), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't regret any of mine.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:02 (twenty-one years ago)

sober ones are a wierd, rare thing

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:02 (twenty-one years ago)

"best" part of my story: I FORGOT MY GLASSES IN MY RUSH TO LEAVE AND HAD TO GO BACK.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:02 (twenty-one years ago)

But is the laying good or bad (at the time) for the ughers?

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:03 (twenty-one years ago)

regret: ONSs

bigger regret: ONSs i've passed up.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I FORGOT MY GLASSES IN MY RUSH TO LEAVE AND HAD TO GO BACK.

hahahaha

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

ally and lauren otm

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Mine have been more enjoyable than some of the other hookups I've had.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:30 (twenty-one years ago)

God, why was I always in long term relationships in college? I would have gotten way more booty and hilarious stories to tell later with semi-random sexual encounters.

I suppose I can always start now.

― Laura E (laurae55), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

The last time a woman picked me up for a one-night stand I ended up dating her for three years.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Was it good for you?

― Jimmy Mod, Los Sexx Yanqui (ModJ), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:52 (twenty-one years ago)

She just kept forgetting her glasses?

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

they are, like many things, both classic and dud.

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

(or you just locked all the back doors?)

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

probably the worst thing i've done: sent someone out to buy crisps from the 24hr shop, betting that the hotel staff wouldn't want to let him back in and he would be too drunk to remember the room number. it worked, but boy did i feel guilty the next day.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Lauren, that is appalling!

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

i know, i know. but it was before anything happened, so in the end i saved us both some hassle.

don't hate me, ok.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, well that's not so bad at all then.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:04 (twenty-one years ago)

on the bad side: you didn't get any crisps.

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Seriously though, is minimal cuddling a feature of a one-night stand? I don't think that strictly speaking, I've ever had one.

I think it depends on the situation, as with most things. Sometimes there can be more cuddling and physical intimacy than you might get, say, in the early stages of a relationship as there's nothing to lose and you don't feel as though you're revealing too much. And it's just nice to snuggle and feel close to someone when you're not in a relationship. Single, non-committed people, still like warm physical intimacy - and without emotion it can be just as physically gratifying.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

From his description, I think I may have had a one-night stand with Ally C, RJG and Kirsten.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm thinking more and more about this crisps thing. At first, I thought 'neat way of getting out of something you didn't want to do'. Now I'm thinking how impressed I am that Lauren managed to get him to actaully do it. Was he half-undressed at the time? "Wait, wait... have you got any... crisps?"

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Single, non-committed people, still like warm physical intimacy - and without emotion it can be just as physically gratifying.

I agree.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I agree, but I was worried that the cuddling and intimacy might be interpreted as leading them up the garden path, like it ought then to turn into something more than a one-night stand.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:23 (twenty-one years ago)

If you're going to shag 'em you may as well get your money's worth.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I require at minimum an ottoman and and a La-Z-Boy.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)

that sounds so much better when read out loud

― Begs2Differ (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

as payment or prerequisite props? wait - forget i asked.

― Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I agree, but I was worried that the cuddling and intimacy might be interpreted as leading them up the garden path, like it ought then to turn into something more than a one-night stand.

My last comment was perhaps a little flippant. I think a degree of emotional detatchment is required. A romantic natured, deep thinker might have difficulty coping with the situation purely by thinking about it from both perspectives, rather than just enjoying it for what it is. They can be a mine-field for the deeply romantically minded.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:37 (twenty-one years ago)

And it's just nice to snuggle and feel close to someone when you're not in a relationship. Single, non-committed people, still like warm physical intimacy - and without emotion it can be just as physically gratifying.

Agreed. When I'm not dating my dry spells are REALLY dry - we're talking six months to a year - and I tend to feel a little out of sync with the world. During those times, Matrix-style "I'm-just-a-mind-in-a-box-being-fed-stimuli" feeling kicks in, so it's a serious relief when I end up cuddling / making out / shagging with someone (and thus reconnecting with my body), romantic attachment or none.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 18:13 (twenty-one years ago)

One night stands are great because there's only X and Y that I want to be emotionally connected to, so they take care of the randy biology part nicely.

― Jimmy Mod, Los Sexx Yanqui (ModJ), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

i've had 2 and they were awful.
it feels wrong saying this... but i think i need to get to know someone (at least more than a few hours worth) before i get with the sex.

― dysøn (dyson), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 18:38 (twenty-one years ago)

why is that wrong?

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 18:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I was never too good at this. Most were enjoyable at the time but I didn't feel good about them the next day or soon after.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 18:43 (twenty-one years ago)

it's wrong because i'm a guy. an unusually horny guy.
i guess you'd kind of have to know me personally but the whole "getting to know someone 1st" is not the kind of thing that fits with my persona, i guess.

― dysøn (dyson), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 18:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Was he half-undressed at the time?

no. that would have been REALLY bitchy! i was able to stall things for a while, until i came up with the crisps ruse. the next day i realized that by some miracle of drunkenness he hadn't seen the vending machine in one of the hallways near my room. or the pringles in the minibar.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 18:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Or the bed, covered in crisps.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 19:01 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe he wanted out just as much as i did.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 19:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I just "had" a one-night stand last weekend, and feel like a total asshole. And congratulations to me -- I think the person may be slightly psycho/and also has my phone number.

At the time I justified it as myself and my partner were going through a bad (i.e. potential breakup) phase. But that seemed to sort itself out, so I'm now petrified the one-night-standee will call my apartment and my partner will find out what happened. Not good.

Like I say, ass.

― Damnnblast (damnnblast), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 19:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I feel like I've missed out by never really having one-night stands (I was in relationships all through college as well).

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't understand em. I'd say dud. I had one once, but I didn't know it at the time and was sad to find out I couldn't get anymore. :(
It's kinda depressing to pursue something with someone knowing it won't go anywhere. The only exception I could think of is where there's good feelings but bad geographics.

But I read somewhere about different reactions men and women have to dry spells (or since that's usually simplistic and dumb I should say 'some people' vs. 'some other people'). Anyway, the idea is that with some the tension and frustration builds up and it just needs some release, so some kind of contact is required before it gets too long a time. and then they're ok. Whereas with others, once they don't get it for a while, it becomes something they learn to live without and getting it just re-awakens the body and mind to all these things and they suddenly require it often and intensely all over again. I relate to that, I'd just rather someone not bother unless they're man enough to open that cage. heheh.

― lolita corpus (lolitacorpus), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

that's a very odd nickname for your vag.

― dysøn (dyson), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

it's a serious relief when I end up cuddling / making out / shagging with someone (and thus reconnecting with my body), romantic attachment or none.

The idea of one night stands is something that we all react to differently but this struck a chord with me. It is almost like realising that you still have a body that reacts to stimuli.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't you people masturbate?

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 19:39 (twenty-one years ago)

FURIOUSLY

― sneaky sneaky (nickalicious), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

That is an entirely different matter, there is no way to replicate someone else's touch. You're being silly.

― Lara (Lara), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the second bit of lolitacorpus' post is massively key to this whole situation and people's appreciation of it.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 19:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, I don't really understand the whole build-up thing, at least not in sexual terms. I mean, there's masturbation to calm that feeling, and the craving of cuddling and intimacy I don't really see as a build-up. That's more of a constant human craving.

The only exception I could think of is where there's good feelings but bad geographics.

Or having nothing much in common with each other, but still fancying each other's pants off? But maybe in that case, it should be stretched to a few more nights.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

It's not written in stone that you can only enjoy sex with someone you know. Some people find it far far more exciting/arousing to have sex with someone with whom they don't know all that well.

― mouse (mouse), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 23:39 (twenty-one years ago)

y'all are prudes.

― shookout (shookout), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 00:04 (twenty-one years ago)

it's a serious relief when I end up cuddling / making out / shagging with someone (and thus reconnecting with my body), romantic attachment or none.

The idea of one night stands is something that we all react to differently but this struck a chord with me. It is almost like realising that you still have a body that reacts to stimuli.

Absolutely - it's like the feeling of being under water and then rushing up to the surface. The thing is that I don't necessarily have to have sex with someone to have that feeling of reconnection. A snog or a cuddle can be just as rejuvenating, depending of course on the length of said dry spell.

Other people here have asked "What about masturbation?" Maybe this is just me, but that's got nothing on sex. Nothing.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 02:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never had a one night stand! I feel really strange about it all of a sudden. I don't think I could do it, though.

― Towelette Pettatucci (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 02:55 (twenty-one years ago)

one-night snogging is preferable to one-night stands in my experience.

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 03:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never had a proper one night stand!

― {Sand in the [vaseline} on the lens] (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 03:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Classic *and* dud in equal measures.

― Danger Whore (kate), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:10 (twenty-one years ago)

i've never had a one night stand where i woke up in the morning and didn't feel like a complete and utter tool

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Once the standee had no hairbrush or comb, so I had to ride home on my bike, not only in the night before's smoky filthy clothes, but with ratty post-naughty bedhead.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I've talked about this on another thread... can't remember where.

One night stands aren't really about sex, they're more about restoring broken egos and mending self confidence. Sometimes the sex is really good, but really only because you have that rush of confidence of being able to walk into a bar and pull the prettiest bloke there.

It's bad when it becomes a habit, or else you realise that you've just fucked things up with someone you actually *would* have liked to have had a relationship with had you met under different circumstances.

One night stands are only ever good when they *stay* one night stands. Trying to turn one into a relationship is invariably a disaster for me.

― Danger Whore (kate), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:25 (twenty-one years ago)

my feeling of complete and utter toolness is always invariably combined with a roaring hangover. nothing more special than knowing you're going to spew pretty soon in a virtual stranger's house and not only that but being unsure where the toilet is

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:31 (twenty-one years ago)

At least if you're at a stranger's house, you can always leave. The only bad bit is when you brought them back to yours, and then you can't get rid of them afterwards. ;-)

― Danger Whore (kate), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:37 (twenty-one years ago)

This is such a tricky one. One night stands are totally classic if you can remember that it's just this one time & that's it. One night stands are totally dud as you invariably cannot remember the afore mentioned fact.
x-post
Just say 'dude, get the hell outta my house, mu b/f is coming home!'

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:38 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost my approach to that has always been to wake them up holding their clothes and saying "i've called you a taxi. let's go and wait downstairs". i'm not very good with sensitivity/general politeness when i am hungover. i sometimes make them a cup of tea though.

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:38 (twenty-one years ago)

my approach to that has always been to wake them up holding their clothes and saying "i've called you a taxi. let's go and wait downstairs"

Good God, I really am not cut out for this game. The idea of me doing that is just... God no, I can't even imagine it!

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah I am surprised at that too. You've actually done this?

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:42 (twenty-one years ago)

(I think this is partly because I still let myself carry a huge burden of responsibility for my gender's behaviour, and the thought that I could be perpetuating the idea that it's normal for men to be so brutal is very unattractive)

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:44 (twenty-one years ago)

yep more than once. i am ordinarily a very nice person. i just am unable to cope with the embarrassment and regret i invariably feel waking up after a one night stand. then i usually feel even worse about kicking them out so unceremoniously.

i am ordinarily a very nice person. i had a ONS in may and i vowed it would be my last ever. so far so good.

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:44 (twenty-one years ago)

also i tend to act like a complete idiot when boozed and i always feel embarrassed about that too. i just generally feel embarrassed and don't know what to do. i don't think it's "brutal" though, i think everyone concerned in a one night stand usually recognises that it is for one night only...

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Thing is, if a woman did that to me, I'd probably be impressed by her directness, avoiding all the messing around. As long as I felt that I had been one in a line of men who had fulfilled this role. If there was an undercurrent of "God, you are the worst ever, please don't waste any more of my time" then I might feel differently.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:47 (twenty-one years ago)

i am ordinarily a very nice person.
You said that twice, who are you trying to convince huh? ;-)
x-post
i don't think it's "brutal" though, i think everyone concerned in a one night stand usually recognises that it is for one night only...
I disagree. Not everyone does realise it's just for one night, as so many times, it isn't. It is brutal no matter how you look at it!

Alba, that's a very commendable attitude. Stupid, but commendable.

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Stupid, but commendable.

Let this be the epitaph for my heart.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:51 (twenty-one years ago)

If there was an undercurrent of "God, you are the worst ever, please don't waste any more of my time" then I might feel differently.

no i don't think there is ever that. i would usually be apologising profusely for my drunken boorish behaviour the previous night the whole time till the taxi comes *shrug* it just seems less awkward to me than having brekky and pretending like you're best mates or something (xpost)

*shrug* ok if you think it's brutal. i prefer to be straightforward than messing about. also i think that most people i've had one night stands with we have agreed that it's a one nighter before going home.

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Let this be the epitaph for my heart.
Haha!
*shrug* ok if you think it's brutal. i prefer to be straightforward than messing about. also i think that most people i've had one night stands with we have agreed that it's a one nighter before going home.
Yeah fair enough being straightforward, but I just imagine if a guy did that to me, I'm not really sure how I'd react. It's definitely a good idea to not mess about, but what do I know!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:54 (twenty-one years ago)

also i think that most people i've had one night stands with we have agreed that it's a one nighter before going home

that's probably a good thing to do - i don't think i know how to phrase the question though... "This is just for the one night ok?"

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:55 (twenty-one years ago)

"we can be heroes just for one day, what do you say?"

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know... in some circumstances, you really don't *have* to explain. I mean, if there's any boy that really thinks I'm going to consider a relationship with a boy I met snorting trucker speed off my stomach in the loos of Mother, well... honestly!

― Danger Whore (kate), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:57 (twenty-one years ago)

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:57 (twenty-one years ago)

that's exactly what i say ken c! "this is just for one night, right? it'll be fun!" only more slurred than that

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 08:58 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost - hmmm i guess. i kinda think i have been so desperate to get away from the situation in all of my one night stands that i would be pretty happy to cut and run if the guy did that to me. i am a bit like the poster up thread, who vows not to do it again then gets pissed up and reoffends. i am keen to have given up for good now though! so future one night standers are safe from the brutal gem-method of mornings!
I remember being with a guy once (should have been a one night stand, but stupidly turned into the worst relationship ever & I was soo stoopid) we had morphed into f@#k buddies rather than one night stands & I stayed round his (with him) one night when there was a party. In the morning I got up to leave (my mate was there too) & this guy just completely ignored me. Now that was a c@#t thing to do, so maybe I'm a little more sceptical of ways to get rid of someone!!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 09:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I like the idea of the holiday fling, whether its you or the other person that's on holiday. Its like all the good bits of a one night stand without any of the nasty uncertainty and emotional fallout. And the guilt.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 09:11 (twenty-one years ago)

How far away do they have to live before nasty uncertainty and guilt can set in?

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 09:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry - how close can they live, I mean.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 09:18 (twenty-one years ago)

My rule of thumb would be whether they're in the same city. But as long as it seems fairly evident that A Relationship looks pretty unfeasible you're alright.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 09:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Mega dud-oh. If that's all I wanted I might just as well go up Berwick Street with £..... (however much it costs in Berwick Street, never having been a client, so to speak). Cannot enjoy physical intimacy with another person if love is not present.

The mess out of which I've recently struggled was very much like an extended one night stand, except the "night" lasted for six months.

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 29 September 2004 09:32 (twenty-one years ago)

pulling chicks from the arctic circle has its downsides.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 09:45 (twenty-one years ago)

You would risk getting eaten by a polar bear doing so.

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 29 September 2004 10:01 (twenty-one years ago)

No they is so cwute, look at his ickle aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggghhhhhh!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 10:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I've had a lot of partners in my life, but hardly any one-night stands. There have been lots of 'three month stands', mind you, many of whom probably should have just been left at the one night in retrospect.

I think this is partly because I have some issue of gender guilt, i.e. I've just slept with someone and I shouldn't kick them out/ignore them/etc because that would make me an asshole guy which I don't want to be. But mostly, I think I've actually lucked out by having one-night stands with people who I actually kinda like, rather than regretting it painfully in the morning (even if I was very drunk). So then I think 'hey, that was fun, why not do that again sometime?' - and then a 'fling' forms from there...

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 10:35 (twenty-one years ago)

four years pass...

Hmmmmmmm. Yes, I am using the random function again - it's 5 am and I can't sleep what else am I supposed to do?

i've never had a one night stand where i woke up in the morning and didn't feel like a complete and utter tool
― gem (trisk), Wednesday, September 29, 2004 4:18 AM (4 years ago) Bookmark

I think I'd agree with this. I've done it and it was never something I was 100% comfortable with. Not for any reasons of morality or anything like that. I think for me I just need to have at least some connection with the person to a) enjoy sex and b) feel ok about it.

― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Sunday, 12 July 2009 08:56 (sixteen years ago)

^ This is a just a personal thing for me. I don't think there is anything wrong with it in theory and if ppl can enjoy it and feel good about it then more power to them.

― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Sunday, 12 July 2009 08:58 (sixteen years ago)

If you're ever single and about to move out of town you can really make the most of it.

― Fetchboy, Sunday, 12 July 2009 10:07 (sixteen years ago)

A holiday fling. Wow, that's the kind of thing I never actually thought of. Mainly because one would have to go on holiday first to do so, and I've had maybe one in about 10 years.

I AM GOING ON HOLIDAY THIS XMAS IF IT KILLS ME. How does one go about having a holiday fling?

― Violent In Design (Masonic Boom), Sunday, 12 July 2009 10:20 (sixteen years ago)

Maybe I should just go to Tangiers and buy a boy - or does that only work for homosexuals in William Burroughs novels?

― Violent In Design (Masonic Boom), Sunday, 12 July 2009 10:21 (sixteen years ago)

It's strange how, for quite an intense period of my life, one night stands were something I did with astonishing regularity, and now I can't even stomach the idea of one. It's like looking back at the memories of another person, somehow inserted into my head.

But I suppose that sexual acting out is such a classic bipolar symptom. Still, it's very hard for me to get my head around who I was back then. In a way, I kind of admire her (funny how I think of me-back-then as a different person) but in another way, I think "you utter fuckup!" I suppose a lot of people, looking at me from the outside, would think of me as more "fucked up" now.

But that ability to want sex, without wanting a relationship, and just go out and GET IT. I really kind of admire her balls.

― Violent In Design (Masonic Boom), Sunday, 12 July 2009 10:27 (sixteen years ago)

it's 5 am and I can't sleep what else am I supposed to do?

Sex? Masturbate furiously?

― Unregistered Googler (stevienixed), Sunday, 12 July 2009 11:21 (sixteen years ago)

One-night stands are classic if they are honestly accepted as such by all parties involved. Otherwise, massive dud.

― Crude Robot Senses (Deric W. Haircare), Sunday, 12 July 2009 12:41 (sixteen years ago)

Yeah I agree. I mean like I said I don't think there is inherently anything wrong with them at all. Just never something that I every really enjoyed or was 100% comfortable with.

― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Sunday, 12 July 2009 12:52 (sixteen years ago)

I am definitely in that boat also, I always feel like I've cheated myself or something if I sleep with someone I don't actually like. Esp if like the next morning you chat and they say something dumb within 3 seconds.

― Local Garda, Sunday, 12 July 2009 12:54 (sixteen years ago)

Yeah also if you stay over or the person stays over the resulting a.m. awkwardness can be unbearable. Sometimes sleeping together (in the sharing a bed sense) is more intimate than sex esp the kind that normally occurs between two relative strangers. So if one party does stay over the morning scene can be . . . painfully weird.

― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Sunday, 12 July 2009 13:20 (sixteen years ago)

Esp if like the next morning you chat

ur doin it wrong

― 51 logins to SB Jol (darraghmac), Sunday, 12 July 2009 13:24 (sixteen years ago)

Yeah Erica otm. Also seeing someone's face from that close first thing in the morning is fucking disconcerting. If you can actually be attracted to somebody and think they're beautiful from 2 inches away at 6am then you know it's love.

― Local Garda, Sunday, 12 July 2009 13:27 (sixteen years ago)

there are two other options:

1) Specsavers
2) Professional help with need issues

― 51 logins to SB Jol (darraghmac), Sunday, 12 July 2009 13:29 (sixteen years ago)

you've lost me there

― Local Garda, Sunday, 12 July 2009 13:30 (sixteen years ago)

its love, or trespassing and criminal harassment

― rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Sunday, 12 July 2009 13:31 (sixteen years ago)

^^^ New ILE tagline.

― Matt DC, Sunday, 12 July 2009 13:37 (sixteen years ago)

ILOTACH

― 51 logins to SB Jol (darraghmac), Sunday, 12 July 2009 13:39 (sixteen years ago)

If you're ever single and about to move out of town you can really make the most of it.

ha yeah - been seeing this in action the past couple weeks w/ this one friend

― W i l l, Sunday, 12 July 2009 13:43 (sixteen years ago)

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