Your (Non-ILX) Dreams

I can't remember what I dreamt last night but apparently I woke Matt up and said 'But what happened to all the drowning people?' I didn't seem to be particularly upset, just curious.

I had to go and fix her database this morning - I couldn't look her in the eye.

I pick myself up and go out into the street, where Hayley is nowhere to be seen. So I call her and ask her where she is. She says she can't tell me, she's found a safehouse to lie low from the law in. I tell her that she hasn't done anything that bad, and she'd probably just get a caution if the police were to catch her. She says, "You don't understand, the bastards have been looking for a reason to lock me up for ages. This is just the excuse they need." Then I woke up.

INT. HIGH SCHOOL HISTORY CLASSROOM - DAY

Jeremy sits in front of his high school history teacher's desk. He fidgits with a 4-color pen.

JEREMY: So. So?

HISTORY TEACHER: (Prodding) Ethic prerogative? ETHIC PREROGATIVE?

The pair are distracted by a zepplin flying past the window.

JEREMY: YES! YES!

HISTORY TEACHER: No, no.

The zepplin scene plays in reverse -- the large blimp flies backward across the frame. It's revealed as a second-rate blimp facimile.

JEREMY: Pedantry... pedantry.

Fade to black.

!!!

HA! I kill me.

at the end of the movie (repackaged for vhs release in the late '80s), axl rose did an anti-violence psa.

Also: I've had this dream twice now about her, and once about my brother (that one was a little different). I have one other sister who has thus far remained totally left out of the subconscious incest stuff.

The only color I can remember is blue, the color of her shirt. The whole dream was blue, blue, blue.

Blue represents truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness. The presence of this color in your dream, may symbolize your spiritual guide and your optimism of the future. You have clarity of mind.

I also found this:

To dream of a kiss, denotes love, affection, tranquility, harmony, and contentment. If the dream ends just about you are about to kiss someone, indicates that you are unsure of how he or she really feels about you. If you are heterosexual and you dream that you are kissing someone of the same sex, then it represents self-acceptance. You are acknowledging the feminine or masculine side.
If you are kissing a close friend, then it represents your respect and adoration for your friend. You are seeking some intimate closeness that is lacking in some waking relationship. It may or may not signify a romantic interest for him or her.

WHY NOTHING ABOUT SISTERS

To dream of incestuous practices, signifies erotic desires. It may also be representative of the union between masculine and feminine aspects of yourself. You are in a phase in your life where you are not quite a child and not quite an adult, and thus this dream may be symbolic of the merging of the child and adult within yourself.

I had a weird one a while ago - about an ILXer, though I don't want to say who. It was completely non-sexual, which is very surprising given how hot she is, just us being like really best friends and me comforting her over something. I don't want to say who because it was, though non-sexual, far, far more personally intimate than we actually are, so it seems sort of creepy.

In other words, not a girl, not yet a woman.
http://www.rgj.com/news/files/2004/01/10/38149_250.jpg

- I saw Gwen Stefani at a concert in the audience, and I went up to her and said, "You know, your new album is the best work you've ever done". Which was a lie, because I haven't heard it! I can only imagine I was attempting to "get some" via compliments.

- I dreamt I was offered a job that paid $4500 a week. I accepted it.

- I dreamt that Carl Newman came down with some illness and I was forced to handle lead vocal duties at a New Pornographers show as a last-minute replacement. Neko was impressed.

Awesome! Usually when I dream about money, it's like, "I found ten bucks in some old jeans! Now I can eat!"

I dreamt last night I was dating Britney Spears. We had sex and went shopping for keyboards at the mall. The only problem was that I had to travel back in time to hang out with her. I was in the present, and she was in early 2003. That's my guess, at least, because I think she was recording In the Zone at the time. She told me it was going to be dedicated to me. I really wanted to tell her that she should release "Toxic" as the first single instead of "Me Against the Music" -- I was already thinking of ways to tell her nicely that I thought "Me Against the Music" was shit -- but I was afraid of changing history.
-- Sanjay McDougal (jmcunnin...), November 21st, 2004.

we didn't make out.

This probably doesn't sounds as anxiety-inducing as it was.

1) I was working at some kind of "information-kiosk" in the city, which looked like a hot-dog cart. A seemingly crazy and sinister man in a trenchcoat came to the kiosk and kept saying "Get me Jack Ruby's gun. I need you to get me Jack Ruby's gun." I was very frightened by this.

2) I was walking around in a high school, though I wasn't actually "back in high school" or anything. Suddenly, a skinny indie-rock dude jumped down from the rafters and made like he was going to beat me up. "Who the fuck do you think you're talking to?" I said, "I'm not even IN high school!" He backed off.

i just fell asleep and in my dream i was walking down the street (home for the weekend while spending the summer in russia) and i saw a girl that was in a dream of mine about a year ago: in that one we were at a movie and she came up and asked to sit next to me because the guy she was there with was acting creepy. this time i introduced myself to her and she remembered me. that's about it... but it was really odd.

(Ted Danson was in there somewhere too)

I'm not too bothered with the family because Paul (him indoors) and I have just relaunched our band, and it's like when we first started out, so we're about 21. We have Nick Rhodes on keyboards, someone unknown on drums, and they've come to stay, to rehearse and stuff. They're about 21 as well, NR has a dodgy headband on.

We're setting up the kit when one of my cousins comes in and says 'come and see your Christmas present', and she opens the door and seven goats come into the room.

The door to the balcony is open and the goats all run and jump over the rail onto the pitched roof of the first floor (it's one of those rambling old houses). At first I'm really worried but then I remember that goats live on vertical cliff faces and they'll probably be OK on a roof. When I turn back to the room, it's empty, and the rest of the house is empty too.

(Everyone disappearing is a frequent theme in my dreams)

And I don't even HAVE sex dreams! Ever!

me too. none of my subsequent dreams has been that good.

nice

ive had strep throat and a nasty ear infection for a couple of weeks now and every dream i've had since being sick has been centered around pineapples. whole, sliced and crushed.

Then I vomit again and wake up.

Goodness.

Two friends and I were supposed to do a "reading" of Marshall McLuhan's "The Medium is the Massage" (a mostly graphical work with little text) in a Philadelphia basement as part of an indie rock show. I was late because I couldn't find my copy of the book and had to go to a bookstore, where the clerk didn't know what I was talking about.

I had a dream the other night where I had woken up and was talking to someone about the dream I had just had. That was a bit wtf.

It's like that Fruit Loops commercial.

Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and I are of course going to a titty bar. When we get there David Duchovny gives me a condescending "no idea who you are" greeting. I attemt to 'zing' him back being all like "but you may know my friends!" and kind of step back to reveal Jon and Stephen, but somehow he had already saw them come in and talked to them so I just feel awkward and pathetic :(

Anxiety dreams about work AGAIN :(

I had a dream that Radovan Karadzic had escaped from custody. Some CID guys turned up on my door thinking I was him in a new disguise. I couldn't convince them otherwise, and they kept trying to trick me into speaking Serbian, Great Escape stylee. The dream ended with me about to be carted off to The Hague.

I'm posted up in a driveway in a white van that is, I think, meant to be my band's van (which I never drive, and which is green). Late-70s-era Chevy Chase is standing at the van's window wearing a plaid, polyester suit jacket of blue, white, red and brown. I can still picture the print very clearly. He says "I think you and I have some blood in common" and smiles. I am just getting ready to agree and say "I have always thought you looked like my Dad," but he points to his left using his right arm (arm across stomach, leaning to the right, jaunty stance, a hyuk hyuk joke) and a young, dark-haired guy with a short beard pops up into view. They both laugh. "Wait, Ari?!" I say and laugh confusedly. "Ari" indicates the dark-haired guy, and he is not a person that I know in real life, but in the dream I know that he is a friend and associate of Dan, our manager. I look out of the passenger side window and Dan is standing there in a black suit and light blue satin tie. He bows with his palms pressed together at his chest, an amused look on his face. All of this takes place in my childhood driveway on what seems like a Fall afternoon.

I had a dream that I had to kick a girl out of shelter and she bit my hand.

I am in a comic book store browsing. I pick up a trade paperback of The Walking Dead. The art is colorful and dark, like pop noir. Not at all what I was expecting. I pick up one of the Buffy Season 8 tpbs only to turn around and see Nicholas Brendon and Alyson Hannigan, famous character actors and stars of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, casually browsing the store. Brendon says something like "gosh I just love signing things for people it's just been so long since anyone has asked" and the woman behind the counter snaps at him "hey you're lucky we're even having you here you washout."

It becomes apparent that the store has arranged & paid for the two stars to mill and sign autographs. I look around. No one recognizes them. Suddenly, in the broken way of dreams, Brendon is standing next to me with WhiteOut, whiting out a portion of the blank first page in the book. He's moving the WhiteOut methodically and slowly, but manically, like he can't stop. He's not looking at his hands, he's looking straight at me. The page bursts into flame from the friction. He laughs crazily and throws the fiery book at my face.

I wake up.

there was to be an NYC-area (free?) concert w/ Poison, Warrant, Slaughter, perhaps Cinderella, and perhaps another like band or two, and there was an additional contextual element that I can't recall but was to make the concert super-special. because the concert was scheduled for 8/1 (?), I was going to have to change some vacation plans.

The boat is cruising across a valley of sand flats with regular pools of water. The driver/narrator is telling us to watch how the sharks appear from the water just behind the boat. Although at first, I can only sense the sharks' presence, eventually a few mouths appear, until eventually there is a horizontal line of sharks trailing behind us. The sharks become closer, moving up beside me, except I'm now lying on a surfboard being towed behind the boat. Camera crews are observing from the sides of the valley. The sharks clenching teeth draw in closer and closer. At this point I lose control of the surfboard and I'm being dragged underneath the water. Im unable to surface for air, and I can see the panic of the people observing from the sides. They being running in slow motion. The whole dream shifts down into a tortuously lumberous speed, as it becomes clear that if I rise from the water - it's safe underater, strangely) - I'll be torn apart by the sharks. I become desperate for air, the pressure builds, and suddenly I'm hearing a guitar playing the same four notes over and over.

Wake up gasping.

Was there any actual music playing when you woke up?

from a pal:

Now, I haven't played chess in years, but I was in
Central Park in chess competition. A large chessboard painted on the
lawn in fluorescent yellow and teal was used. Instead of normal
pieces, each competitor had to build life-sized pieces that moved via
remote control out of parts found in salvage shops.

The event was hosted by The RZA (last night I read a little of his
writing). Upon seizure of a piece, an audio sample was played over the
PA: "killa bees, we on a swarm.".

I don't remember what else happened. I was playing poorly for sure.

back at hs(?). after some unrecalled dithering ended up in a (not the) gym, shooting not necessarily basketballs but some kind of half-violin-shaped sections of large butternut squash or gourd or something. or maybe they were shoes. i dunno. i was wearing a scarf - it's cold out - and at one point i realized my hair was kinda messed up from my winter hat, so i put it back on - at least it doesn't get in the way of shooting like a baseball cap. anyway, i was doing pretty well, getting some good peanut comments, and felt confident enough to try one of those 75-footers from out of bounds that've been in the news. my toss went pear-shaped about half-way through and the "ball" - now an old shirt or something? - barely got to half court; there were some laughs. the captain of the women's team from my class had the same idea and didn't get even that far. i think there may have been an earlier segment where one of the popular girls, who got out early, was explaining why she ended up less of an overbronzed plastic surgery victim than some of the others, but that might have been another night.

anyway, i'm calling the dream No Country For Old Women's Basketball Team Captains

A shark chase in space. Then underwater, the same. Then the scenario briefly became a video game, involving gorillas in a Civilations-type setup, trying to survive underwater. I can hear my friend Will talking. Then it stopped being a video game, and I held my breath and went up through layers of ocean. Some brief panic about ever reaching the top. When I got there, there was shale forming a wall of stairs around the marsh. I heard an angry voice commanding me to go up the stairs. I looked up and saw some black stage curtains rustling in a forested area and a glimmer of a tuxedoed person hiding behind them. I become terrified. I hear many voices telling me to do many things, one of which is a woman saying "don't be afraid." I feel my eyes rolling back into my head and say to myself "I'm going back." I will myself to sink back down into the water and then I wake up, my heart pounding.

i dont wanna do drugs anymore lol

mostly odd just because I never remember dreams, but i had a serious migraine that somehow preserved it.

i was in an old high school class at a singing competition being run by a dwarf in a tux and some guy got up and read some poetry.
And the dwarf said "This is a music competition, not a poetry competition" (shades of sunday best), so the guy crumpled up the paper he was reading off of and stuffed it in the dwarf's mouth.
I said, okay that's about enough and the guy charged at me with crumpled up paper and the clear intention of stuffing it in my mouth so I cocked back a fist and told him if he tried it I'd hit him, which made him pause. Then he pulled out two fountain pens and started flicking ink at me from them and everyone else in the classroom followed suit. I charged him and realized two things at the same time: 1) the guy was real light and I could lift him over my head like papier mache and 2) it was william h macy.
Having lifted macy over my head, I started beating him against the wall and I heard somebody complaining about the inkstains that hitting him against the wall were creating and I replied "These are quality inkstains, they can only raise the value of this wall. They're not Meryl Streep inkstains or Al Pacino inkstains, but for christ's sake, this is William H Macy!"

Then I woke up.

roxymuzak (5:36:05 AM): just woke up frm a three hour nap at work tbh
chelives1986 (5:36:08 AM): lol
chelives1986 (5:36:10 AM): amazing
roxymuzak (5:36:15 AM): had a dream about argentinum
chelives1986 (5:36:23 AM): !
roxymuzak (5:36:26 AM): i dreamed that andrew was in the scholars bowl
roxymuzak (5:36:32 AM): and that i borrowed his pants
chelives1986 (5:36:35 AM): andrew!!!!!!!!!!!!
roxymuzak (5:36:39 AM): not andy
roxymuzak (5:36:42 AM): the singer andrew lol
chelives1986 (5:36:42 AM): oh
chelives1986 (5:36:44 AM): lol
roxymuzak (5:36:48 AM): cause lol at calling andy andrew
roxymuzak (5:37:16 AM): and when our manager saw me in the pants he said "those erased every line of your body"
roxymuzak (5:37:28 AM): because they were so tight, they squoze me in
roxymuzak (5:37:38 AM): actual lol that i would ever be able to fit in his pants btw
roxymuzak (5:37:43 AM): also wtf at this dream
roxymuzak (5:37:50 AM): also i just woke up.
chelives1986 (5:39:54 AM): wowwww
chelives1986 (5:40:08 AM): lmao at erasing every line of u body
roxymuzak (5:40:43 AM): also i was trying to choose between a shirt of band Medic and band 7 seconds - "walk together rock together" shirt
roxymuzak (5:40:50 AM): both of which i do have
roxymuzak (5:41:11 AM): and andrew took a sample off of a movie to be his scholars bowl entrance music
roxymuzak (5:41:14 AM): not making this up
roxymuzak (5:41:35 AM): and we laughed at him because it was to do with being beautiful
roxymuzak (5:41:56 AM): it was like "im the real hotness" but not that
roxymuzak (5:42:01 AM): also he was in a fannypack
chelives1986 (5:42:56 AM): wow 1 time
roxymuzak (5:43:36 AM): also this all took place at my childhood home
roxymuzak (5:44:01 AM): where i folded laundry (andrew's pants, the medic shirt, the 7 seconds shirt) on the dining room table
roxymuzak (5:44:16 AM): and my mom had a computer that projected onto the wall in a very laser-looking pink

I had a dream this morning that my bf revealed that he was in a thrash band called DBF. It was a 3 piece with two other guys I didn't know. He showed me their LP and it looked just like some generic 80s thrash record -- so cool! On the back was a picture of the three of them and they were dressed like squares on purpose, Cosby sweaters etc, and making insane faces in a kind of Olan Mills style family portrait. I was in bliss, and then he told me that DBF stood for "don't be a faggot," and while I did lol, I was kind of mad about it.

I was looking forward to meeting my dad's old high school friend who was coming to our house for a visit, and who just happened to be Donald (Buck Dharma) Roeser from Blue Öyster Cult. He shows up (looking absolutely nothing like the real-life Dharma) and tells me about a brand-new Cult song called "Murder" and shows me the lyrics sheet. It's a photo of deep space, stars and galaxies and a couple of cartoonish rocket ships, and printed overtop is the complete lyric, which consists of absolutely nothing but "Murder. Murder. Murder" over and over, always capitalized and punctuated with a period. "Wow, must've taken you a long time to write that" I snark. He replies "Oh, I only wrote the music. The lyrics were written by Ray Milland."

had really freaky dream last night

i was looking through photographs of iranian students, mostly young women, who had been tortured and disfigured. the disfigurements were kind of cartoonish and fake looking tho. there were photos of a gate that was the entrance to the prison where this stuff happened.

then, i was watching some kind of 60 minutes segment equating what's happening in iran to the nazis. the images of the disfigured students were intercut with ridiculous b&w footage of nazi scientists operating on people (images courtesy Bioshock, i now realize). i thought the equivalence was kind of stupid.

then the segment changed focus and brought in a third element, a 'classic' mid-century american stageplay/movie about abusive parents. i understand the play was called 'silent spring' even tho i know that's not a play nor about abuse. there was supposed to be some kind of grand point linking these three things but i thought it didn't make much sense.

then i was IN a home that had some kind of abusive situation (was i the journalist?), only instead of the parents being horrible, it was the kid. we were sitting in the kitchen, and there was a mother and a young daughter, about 8, and the kid was extremely crabby and mean. i thought i'd put the kid to bed, so i picked her up and carried her into her room, all the while she's screaming very precocious, funny insults at me, "you'll never hear the last of this!" and "i'll sue you into the ground!" etc.

when i laid her down on her bed, her face had become pinched and tiny, like a burn victim or a shrunken head. i went back into the kitchen and sat down again with the mother, who didn't say anything. within seconds the little girl came back, but she had changed again, and was bigger. i understood her to have shaved her own head in protest of being put to bed, but she looked more like a very small bald man, or a boy made to look like an older man. 'she' screamed something unintelligible and then lunged at me, trying to stab me in the neck with a fountain pen. at that point i woke up.

My mother died 9 years ago and for a while I kept dreaming her.

In one of the most vivid dreams I ever had, she was back with us for an evening dinner. The entire family was there (you know, in the classic Italian style): we knew she was dead, but it was like she had a sort of holiday or permission to pay us a visit. The dinner was great, there was this great atmosphere of almost Christmas-y happiness until I found the courage to ask her how it was staying "there" - meaning how it was to be dead, I think.

It was like the lights dimmed suddenly: only my mother was still completely visible, like she was under a search light. She sighed, looking very sad, and said it was a very cold place.

I woke up almost crying.

Dreamt I had to write an essay about what was in my dream an iconic piece of mid-20th-century sculpture: a tractor or some other kind of farm equipment with the shell of a VW Beetle perpendicularly laid on top of it.

Dreamt I had a pet white owl who just sat on my lap and hooted softly. He was awesome.

hoos

awwwwww

dreamt that my gf was in front of me and topless. then her left nipple opened up and inside was a tiny version of my gf, also topless. then i started tripping out and my vision zoomed into the tiny gf until her left nipple was big enough to see it open up to reveal another tiny topless gf...repeat times infinity....wake up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0pM5dm--yQ

two-parter: hotttt sex dream involving ex, followed by ex pushing me off a roof.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0pM5dm--yQ&feature=player_embedded

my friend from high school died in a scuba diving accident in a pool, and my mom took me out of class (in college) to tell me, and i was like "mom i know, he was wearing his jeans" (this kid wore this one pair of distinctive jeans in high school)

I was on my way to Williamsburg to "take care of some music stuff" at a guitar shop, but I was wearing a jacket and tie, and on the way I decided to eat lunch in the Brooks Brothers Restaurant. I sat down at a table with some very preppy looking kids in jackets and ties, who didn't say anything to me but looked at me funny. Waiters kept coming over to our table, looking over at me and then walking away. The menu was really expensive and I felt awkward. Finally a waiter asked where we were from, and everyone else at the table was from some prep school, and I had to explain that I didn't actually know them, I was just "on my way to Williamsburg to take care of some music stuff." Everyone looked sort of nervous and awkward and a couple tried to politely ask me questions about it. I finally looked for an opportunity when waiters weren't watching and just got up and left. I then had to walk many floors of a parking garage to get to Williamsburg, for some reason.

Lucky you all--I don't remember my dreams. Or if I do, the memory fades after an hour or two.

gay revolution led by Godzilla.

it was all in doubt until he rose from the ocean with stars for eyes.

Don't usually have the trippy dreams, but this afternoon during a nap Neko Case, dressed as a Confederate General, kicked a man into a suitcase on a mountain.

This is the only image I recall.

Woke up an hour ago, still so fucking groggy and weirded out.

Jesus that looks like Mad Libs.

this afternoon during a nap Neko Case, dressed as a Confederate General, kicked a man into a suitcase on a mountain

This is the best thing I ever read.

Going 2 repost from my facebook:

Last night I dreamt I was watching an inverview with Prince and he was in a room lined with all-purple books and record box sets and purple-framed gold record displays. Then it turned into an interview with Scorpion. Who apparently, in my brain, sing "the Dream Police". Which I then sang along to, but Apu-style.

What The Hell at brains.

I know right!? Its like mine was just flipping through random "things i know" and smooshing them all together.

Most dreams are fascinating to the dreamer and boring to any audience: T/F?

yes i just posted about this somewhere else recently tbh!

if the audience is me, T

i enjoy hearing or reading about dreams, with the same constraints as apply to any other sort of storytelling. has to be an interesting story, and it has to be told reasonably well. i mean, a lot of kafka stories and lynch films resemble transcribed dreams, and i love those.

In a dream the other morning an old woman was berating me because I took a Post-It note off her coffin. It was made of Post-It notes.

^ a reasonable objection, imo

i had a fantastic dream last night that may have involved a nocturnal emission. I was getting busy with this hot redhead and tossing her salad and it tasted like cookies, then i proceeded to break into an impromptu version of Teslas "Love Song" for an audience of 500 at the mall, which had the entire crowd singing along. Afterwards I went back to the soundbooth to get a recording of it and they told me it wasn't on the tape and i didn't own the rights to it. I proceeded to got to "Weintraub" the lawyer and he told me I couldn't purchase the tape, then the redhead appeared again and turned into a giant chocolate chip cookie and shot me with her cookie guitar. i think i probably busted a nut when i was tossing her cookie salad, but it could have happened when i was playing tesla.

^^^ trifecta of lol, o_O and TMI

A++ instant all-time classic post imho. "i think i probably busted a nut when i was tossing her cookie salad" is the first truly great line of prose of the 2010s. please can somebody make that the new board description and elevate it to meme status thru endless out-of-context repetition?

also, dibs

that leaves out the best part, though

Yeah! but it could have happened when i was playing tesla really makes that sentence imo.

tru

it was a fantastic dream of epic proportions.

read that as "could have happened when i was playing tetris" which actually elevated for me but ymmv

dreamt that i was playing ice hockey against the highwaymen. waylon jennings was at the point on their power play and had this amazing slapshot that bounced off the ice multiple times like skipping a stone on water. it was nearly impossible to stop.

had this amazing dream last night about one of the interns here. fuckfest 5000.

Today in real life she just came up here and was talking to me, i had to sit down cuz i was getting a fatty.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0pM5dm--yQ

cant see it roxy.

move your beer gut

it is billy joel's "tell her about it"

haha. yeah that would go over like a lead balloon (erection).

I had a very vivid dream last night that I was rehearsing a duet with Bob Dylan. We were sitting at a piano together, and the song had this bittersweet chorus that went something like "Life gets in the way/of the dreams of yesterday," -- it was sort of New Morning style, and we were sitting at a piano together, and Bob and I were supposed to be harmonizing but I couldn't get him to sing anything close to the right note. When I woke up I could sing the song and I had a harmony part in mind, but I lost it later in the day.

a few nights ago i dreamt i was having a very detailed conversation with someone about the cleveland barons

in my dream last night i collaborated on an album with the xx, cosi fanni tutti, and madonna. they had all done an ep together and let me add in my own ideas later in the process -- so it became closer to a full-length once i was done. my bf heard it and decided it my parts were amateurish and entry-level, and he laughed at the phony english accent* i was reading poetry with. when i woke up, i told my bf about it; he thought the dream-life version of himself was a dick.

*this was a collaboration with MADONNA, mind

the dream-life version of himself was a dick

this has happened to me too, alas

Wow. More pies in my dreams please.

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, October 6, 2004 9:50 AM (6 years ago) Bookmark

lol

cosi fanni tutti

COSEY. sheesh, i *am* entry-level.

well, shit, i just started a new DEATH DREAM thread without seeing this new revive.

PROTOCOL BREACH, sorry gang

i read that as "protocol beach" and was all "pitch idea for a baywatch reboot?"

going to repost from john tesh thread because i think it's worth it:

I'm not sure where else to put this, so I will put it here.

I had a super weird dream last night that I was related by marriage to John Tesh, and he had suffered a brutal rape (which I did not see) on an airplane and the whole world was after the guy who did it. It was like this huge international media thing, and John Tesh was sort of enjoying the publicity, but lamenting the fact that he had to be brutally raped in order to have this sort of attention. He was like "what about my music? What about 7th Heaven? Was that worth nothing to these people? I had to be attacked by that animal in order to be recognized?"

That's all I remember. He knew who had done it, and he knew that once that guy was found, he (John Tesh) wouldn't get as much attention, so he just told me. It was a guy named Gary Pflower.

― Ralpharina (La Lechera), Saturday, March 26, 2011 12:45 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

so did john tesh spell that name out to you

― goole, Saturday, March 26, 2011 1:39 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

yes. yes he did.

― Ralpharina (La Lechera), Saturday, March 26, 2011 1:45 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark

u so crazy <3 <3 <3

how else would i have known how to spell Pflower?! it's not intuitive.

i have met a woman who claimed her name was Pcarolyn -- "but the P is silent"

i am v. serious

hahahahaha omg
that is funnier than any dream
even funnier because every person i know named (p)carolyn is kinda nuts (in a good way, but nuts)

http://i51.tinypic.com/23vhsg4.jpg
?

posting these here for posterity:

last night i had a dream that the san francisco giants in full uniform minus tim lincecum and joined by my BF were trying to light my feet on fire

November 28, 2010 at 1:10am · Like

i was thinking if tim just showed up he would put a stop to it

November 28, 2010 at 1:11am · Like

andy said every time he flicked his lighter to take another hit of weed i would jerk my feet around in my sleep

November 28, 2010 at 1:11am · Like · 1 person

last night i again dreamed of tim lincecum, he had been fired from the giants and was in an early american literature class with me in full giants uniform

6 hours ago · Like · 1 person

I had a dream that I was hanging out with a moustachioed Barack Obama and Bo found a pile in the snow that turned out to be the hacked up corpse of one of my coworkers (minus the head and arms) wrapped in a blanket. Additionally, there was a secret tunnel that had been dug into the earth next to the corpse. At the entrance to the tunnel was a hank of my hair, one of my teeth, and two little cardboard jewelry boxes which had some geographical coordinates written on them in my handwriting. I hadn't killed my coworker, but I realized inside the little boxes was evidence that would implicate me. I was freaking out about how I would hide the boxes without the president knowing.

My dreams for the past month, when I remember them, have been incredible gory and violent. I am blaming my recent viewing of "I Saw The Devil." I always forget how sensitive my mind is to gory movies like that. It happened for a few months after I saw the Texas Chainsaw remake, too.

I was talking to my mom in a really vivid dream and she wasn't paying attention, I got annoyed and then I noticed she was wearing earbuds. she finally looked at me and did her girlish giggle. "I'm listening to an NPR podcast!" this was so sweet cause if she was still alive - she passed 19 years ago - that's EXACTLY what she would be listening to.

My dad died 15 years ago and I dream about him all the time, except in every dream he's already sick and getting sicker, just crossing that line where you know the time is short. It's really awful. Had a very vivid one a few days ago.

ah that is awful - hard enough to go through it all IRL.

on a lighter note last night I dreamed that I appeared in an episode of Hawaii 5-0 (the original). as one of the detectives. At one point I cracked a joke and made stone-faced Jack Lord crack a smile. Then I thought 'was that in the script? Is he going to wonder who the hell I am and what I'm doing in his show?' Watching too many old DVDs, I guess.

i had a dream the other night that i was in my kitchen with my housemate, and she was bemoaning our lack of milk, and i said, "what? we have milk!" and i went to the fridge and pulled out a carton that said '5% Milk' on it, and proudly announced, "See? We have 5% milk, your favorite!"

for some reason, the idea of 5% milk is one that sends me into giggles.

I had a dream last night that John Tesh was at the top of a mesa, and someone was beating the shit out of him. The person harming Mr. Tesh said, "I'm gonna break every bone in your body except for in your hands and skull, so you can still write songs that remind the world who I am." And then he pushed Mr. Tesh off the edge of the mesa and he rolled down into some creosote bushes. Then it panned up –– and it was Gary Pflower, smoking a cigarette! I had a sequel to someone else's dream.

Gary Pflower strikes again! That guy is a menace.
What if John Tesh sees these dreams, writes some songs about his nemesis Gary Pflower, and they're really good.
What will we do then? Will this be the ultimate f u to Gary? Will Gary strike back in a final attempt to ruin everything that ever mattered to John Tesh, including his hands?

Last night, I dreamt that James Mason was a voice on The Simpsons. He was playing some smooth fellow trying to seduce Grandpa Simpson, who was a lady for some reason. Simultaneously, The Simpsons was a malevolent purple and green toad that was trying to attack me, ala the evil toads in Master Blaster.

Put this on the insomnia thread but it's really so weird that I think it needs to go here too.

Was on an enormous plane flying to Australia but have no idea why. The plane was like a cruise ship in terms of size, layout and facilities but very sort of dated looking and 70s in design. We spent a while just marveling at the cool weirdness of everything until the flight attendants came around with machines filled with Twizzler flavored juice and then showed me to the shower room so that I could shower. On the way we passed living room like set ups where puppies were playing. After the shower (in a communal style shower room with a whirlpool floor) it was time for take-off. A couple minutes after we were airborne the engines cut and we started sliding backwards and eventually wound up plunging into a body of water and started sinking. Suddenly the plane turned into a ship or something because it had outdoor top decks and I raced crying and frantic Titanic style to reach one. I finally made it to the top deck and found my friends I was traveling with. We were very close to shore but it was the dead of winter and the water was frozen so we couldn't just jump. We were all trying to figure out what to do next as the ship/plane was sinking rapidly when I noticed this guy I knew as a kid (but haven't seen or thought of in like 15+ years) walking by. "Justin!" I called out to him but he didn't hear me. I tried again and again but to no avail. The weird thing was he was looking directly at us and it was then that I realized we were on an invisible vessel (duh!). A ghostshipplane! After some discussion we decided we had to jump because there was no other option. We did so one by one and swam to the shore. It was then that we first spotted some people who seemed friendly enough until they started tying us up. We bolted and were chased while they screamed and shot at us. Somehow we realized these people had orchestrated the whole disaster and were living as some bizarre rebel society in floating tents with lots of rabbits.

WHAT THE HELL?

What a terrible dream. Do you dream lucidly, like do you ever pull out a gun and start shooting all the bad guys?

I haven't had any bad dreams in a while. They're just kind of weird and boring and usually have people from Facebook in them.

It is funny, I just found my old diaries from college, my dad had them stashed in a file cabinet. I had better dreams then but I could do without the college melodrama. I guess I don't miss having interesting dreams.

My dog dreams a lot, I guess. He was whimpering and crying and growling in his sleep one time. I woke him up and when he came to his senses he looked embarrassed like, "oh it was a dream".

What a coincidence my other dog is currently whining and making weird vocalizations in his sleep.

It's hysterical when dogs dream and then wake up all confused.

I don't really know if I ever fight back at the bad guys, I'm sure I do. I think in this particular dream though we were unprepared so had no option other than to just run.

I had a really terrible joke come to me in a dream...What kind of book do insects write when they are old? An auto-bug-ography.

omg:

i dreamed that i was explaining about how people harvest bird's nest soup nests and - whee - i was whisked away to china where a naked man made me crawl out on a rickety horizontal ladder 400 feet over a shallow lake and i was forced to collect a bird's nest for soup. it was terrifying, shaky, and i was worried about falling every second. unfortunately, the bird's nest i found was connected to a plug that i pulled, and the 400 foot drop between the ladder and the lake filled up nearly instantly with water. as i crawled on the (now surface level) rickety horizontal ladder back to shore, i saw that all of my bird's nest collecting equipment on shore was being eaten by alligators. i leapt in the air and flew around above them for a bit, but a very small one crawled into my mouth and tried to mate with my tongue (oh, so gross!) and when i finally ripped it off, i settled down onto shore with the alligators, which mostly turned out to be animatronic, and got into position for my place next to bill murray, who was repraising his role from Stripes. then i woke up and had a cramp in my tongue.

I did an exam and then I received an indication that I had done very well. It turned out that the exam was to decide who was going to be the King of China... and then they sent back my exam with "YOU ARE THE KING OF CHINA" written on it in big red letters. Then I thought about going on holidays somewhere as a private anonymous person, before taking office as King of China, because as a King it would be state visits and formal occasions all the way.

REMY! That's incredible. Sounds sort of like something I would dream tbh.

I dreamt I was at a chimpanzee language research facility, and I couldn't speak sign language but whenever the chimps signed I heard a voice in my head translating what they were saying. I kept holding up a picture of Buddy Ebsen to this one chimp and the chimp would sign "HATE ANNOY MAN" over and over again. I don't know how to interpret this dream because I love The Beverly Hillbillies!

dreamt i was somehow calling offense for hte chicago bears and was setting up blocking plays for forte off our one yard line and he broke a big run.

i miss football

dreamt i was watching 'the ten commandments' and there was a long added part where as the final plague rameses/yul brynner was sent forward in time to the modern day. he got married and had a family but of course ultimately couldn't shake the loss of his pharaohship and gradually went insane.

Few nights ago I dreamt I was in LA w/ Roger Ebert and we were trying to find Tupac's body; he was buried underneath some major road. I know shit-all abt LA, so in my dream this huge street was referred to as 'LAX' even though waking self knows that's actually an airport...

Most my dreams are always partly influenced by whatever I was thinking about during the day... I read an NYT article on Harry Potter and, tah-dah, dreamt I attended a special screening of the movie. But the thing that keeps weirding me out is these guest appearances by girls I haven't thought about for YEARS... possibly 4-5. I mean they have not entered a single thought of mine since, I've not contacted them, I don't even see them pop up in my friends list on Facebook considering I no longer have one (a facebook). Just recently it was a girl I had a sorta-crush on in high-school.

dreamt that suddenly every human being on earth fell into a catatonic state for 16 years. people who were outside when this happened soon succumbed to the elements or where munched by animals, but some people who were inside shelters that didn't fall apart or burn down survived.

everyone woke up 16 years older, but not with beards or crazy nails and shit. the event did however create a group of young adults with the social/intellectual skills of toddlers, and of course a complete absence of any children under 16.

it was unclear if this was the result of a plague, or a military experiment gone awry, or some matrix-like scenario.

i remember thinking that this was a great premise for a sci-fi novel but then i couldn't come up with a sci-fi-reasonable explanation for how people survived (let alone grew from toddlers to adults) without nutrients.

later i dreamt that i was playing doubles tennis with roger federer as my partner. i was not playing well at all and federer was giving me snarky advice and i was like dude fuck you, i just slept for 16 years and i was never very good anyway.

ultimately i woke up with minnie riperton's 'loving you' in my head.

Someone gave me a brown and white blue-eyed hamster as a pet and I was like "WTF do I do with this guy? I didn't ask for a hamster!" but I kept it around anyway until it got sick and I had to take it to the hamster vet. They kept it for a couple days until concluding that the hamster was not sick but just lazy and playing sick. The RX was that I had to get a hamster collar and hamster leash and take it for walks. Neither of us seemed very pleased with this outcome.

I'm in my car, approaching the crest of a steep hill on a long straightaway. I reach the top...and the road disappears. The rest of the earth disappears. I'm just free-falling in my car through space.

This was terrifying the first time I dreamed it, but I've had the same dream five or six times and I kinda roll with it now. I think to myself "well at least I don't have to keep an eye on the road," recline the driver's seat and relax for a nap. I figure I'll hit bottom someday.

last night I dreamed of these two kids doing an awesome dance to some epic banging dance song. it was like i dreamt in youtube.

I had two vaguely related dreams the other night, one of which included my first dream-flying moment in years.

In the first, I was at a rural commune dedicated to the teachings of this small, withered guru dude. He was fond of cruelly punishing his followers when they displeased him. I questioned his leadership, and he climbed onto my back like a monkey, pinning my arms at my sides. He mentally forced me to run at full tilt out across the fields. I acted as thought I didn't mind and was pleased to do his bidding whatever it might be, but inside I was terrified. I knew that he'd eventually make me do something injurious or fatal. He forced me to run through thorns, across jagged rocks and broken glass, but in the midst of it, I suddenly didn't care anymore. I shrugged him off and floated up into the sky, into this vast, mutating chamber full of spinning, shifting paisley-like architectural extrusions. I felt free and at peace, flying ever upwards through this space.

Later that night, I dreamed that my girlfriend and I had entered this immense, domed, blue and gold building that turned out to be a Taj Mahal-themed Indian restaurant, still under construction. When complete, it would have been big enough to hold a couple thousand diners. The owner was very friendly and let us try some of the food he intended to serve while workers bustled around us. It was good, but very strange.

contenderizer, i'm inclined to say, whatever you're doing in your waking life, keep doing. those sound like auspicious dreams.

speaking of indian food, i had a cool dream last wk where i was in india for a work-related convention or something, but i happened to wander off from my group. after doing so i realized that a. i didn't know where any of the people i came with were b. i had very little money and no credit card ... but at the same time i felt completely relaxed, and i was like "heck, no big deal, i could stay here forever". the dream itself was one of those ones that are almost or in fact more vivid than the rest of life. everywhere i walked around was like this fellini-esque carnival scene, but filtered through my idea of an indian sensibility, if that makes any sense. and the food was soooo good, and people were so friendly and helpful.

not sure what it all meant, except that maybe that's where i'd like to go when i expire.

Last night, I dreamt I was playing with a bunch of ponies. They were like big dogs – we rolled around on the floor and they chased tennis balls. Then they got a little rough, and each of them (there were two) took one of my shoulders in their jaws, and used it to toss me high, high in the air. It was pretty fun! I wanted to do it a second time, but they were pony-wrestling and couldn't stop for me.

http://s3.amazonaws.com/data.tumblr.com/tumblr_m0htvwiHhx1qz6f9yo1_r1_500.jpg

dreamed last night that i was watching a video by sparks. at first the brothers mael were on a rollercoaster. was kinda racy, with naked ladies (no clam). i was surprised. then they were dancing around in a school hallway and eventually turned into these blobby cartoon dogs. when i woke up, i still remembered the song, so i sang it into my telephone. it's pretty good!

Dreamt I was in a shopping mall w/my housemate and Santa was doing the "sit on knee for wishes" thing only it wasnt Santa, it was Russell Brand, and N sat on his knee excitedly and I was all "but that isn't even Russell Brand, its a guy who LOOKS like him!" and then the guy goosed N, much to his annoyance.

Trying to stop a terrorist bomb plot alongside Mick McCarthy. Mick read the map and spoke fluent Urdu with an informant whilst I lurked in the background.

I'm in a house out in the Russian countryside and I'm sitting with a bunch of other Russian people, all in their 20's and we are talking about Roman Abramovich. I stand up and walk out the door and Vladamir Putin is outside in the yard feeding the chickens. We start chatting and he says something about punts. I tell him we (as in Ireland) used to have the punt as currency. He says 'I know' and then I tell him we should have stuck with it. He has wry smile and says 'I know'.

A dream about the Russian countryside sounds really cool! I never have those dreams, I'm always shopping or decorating, because that's mostly what I do all day.

Last night I had a dream that someone took my beloved lab away from me to be put to sleep. I felt his body and it was stiff. When I woke up I found him on the floor, warm and alert. And very vital. I gave him a hug. He is nine years old. I would be devastated to lose my baby right now!

Saw a documentary clip about Bob Pollard being booted from the USA For Africa sessions (by no less than Drew Barrymore) for drunken belligerence and because "he wasn't getting into the spirit of the whole thing". They showed a snapshot of him tumbling from the singing dais as he attempted to hit a snare drum with oversized novelty drumsticks, while everyone else just looked on in disgust.

I probably haven't heard "We Are The World" in years. So, naturally, it popped up this morning (about an hour after I had that dream) with my iTunes on shuffle.

bill oddie joined inxs

threw my ipod at an incredibly annoying colleague. woke up upset because my ipod was broken

Bill Bailey appeared in my dream this morning as a Ruby programming guru, taking the piss out of an online article that criticised Ruby.

I was in a prog-rock LP shop. All prog-rock albums in the shop had very similar white covers; it seemed like the issuance of prog-rock albums had been more or less monopolized by a company with a severe house style. The shop was situated kind of at a ridge along a river; I had to walk boardwalks and a bridge to get there.

severe house style

Lol

I have been having the weirdest dreams for weeks now. The one that I can't get out of my head involved me trying to liberate the animals at sea world and inadvertently killing all of them and then being hunted by the police for doing so. :(

I had another dream where I grew a tail and was scared to cut it off and then kept asking people to but they wouldn't because they were afraid too.

Last night's dream was the story of an old housemate (lets call her Spiffy) who had somehow appeared in an art-house horror movie which involved her being naked a lot. The dream alternated between scenes from the movie (my subconscious was plagiarizing Under the Skin tbh) and me chatting to different housemates (none whom I currently live with) and wondering how Spiffy got into the acting business.

In the dream my ex housemate looks like Signourney Weaver but I think that's just cos I watched ghostbusters 2 last evening.

i've had a spate lately, and they're all stress dreams where i'm back at uni and pleading with directors to let me change courses and fretting over timetables etc...

boring dreams, really.

I'm expecting more crazy-ass dreams now I'm on a w33d break.

I haven't had a stress dream for a while, but that maybe related to above.

it's alcohol that brings them on. i used to sleep like a log after a night out, now i wake up at 8 am in a sweaty panic unable to go back to sleep until i've walked around my house three times to check i've locked all the doors and switched the gas off.

My perspective was from above and detached as I watched a group of men approach the front end of a truck, chanting some words I don't recall. The truck's driver responded by singing the following words set to a catchy tune, similar to the theme songs of old sitcoms:

Those who sit at the higher end
among the ones who understand,
understand they must undo
most of what they do.

Then I woke up with this ditty stuck in my head.

I was walking down a street in the city. Somewhere behind me someone was talking to her cell phone. At some point I realized she was talking about a former high school teacher of mine. This teacher was forced to resign when I was in high school, and all the pupils were baffled by it, as he was well-liked. I started to listen to the conversation the woman behind me was having, and she said something like "yeah, we got rid of him", and I realized there had actually been some sort of a conspiracy to get rid of the teacher! I turned around to look at the woman, and to my horror I realized it was a friend of mine! I'd met her for the first time while I was at the university, and as far as I knew she'd never been to my high school, the one where the teacher was fired. I was in a state of shock, and this sort of ominous, long synthesizer drone started to play, like in a cheap horror movie. I greeted the friend and told her I'd overheard her conversation, and after that I asked where she knew my former teacher, as she'd gone to school in another city. She told me she had no idea who this teacher was, and claimed she had been talking about someone else, I must've just misheard the conversation. At this point I woke up to the sound of workers drilling in the apartment downstairs.

I keep having this recurring dream that I'm buying doughnuts or other small cakes in a supermarket, and that various famous people - who in the dream are employees of the supermarket - keep coming up to me and giving me patronising advice. Last time it was Harry from One Direction bothering me while I was trying to buy some custard tarts. This time it was James Earl Jones telling me about the differences between muffins and crumpets, resulting in me losing my temper and shouting "YES I KNOW I'M ENGLISH!" before stomping out of the supermarket in a huff.

These dreams always seem to end with either me storming out of the place empty handed in a massive strop, or alternatively leaving with a big cardboard box, gullibly thinking to myself "by jove this is a big box of *INSERT NAME OF TEA-TIME COMESTIBLE HERE*", only to get to the car park and find out the box is empty or full of wool or something else distinctly non-edible, and that the supermarket has now mysteriously closed and I can't go back in to get a refund.

staring out the window, noticed lou reed in corpse paint and a flat top hairdo stumbling around all strung out. moments later he's IN MY APARTMENT and i yell at him to leave. he mills around outside and then suddenly appears in my apartment again, at which point i think i realize he is zombie lou reed (?) and shoot him in the chest

I dreamed that my immediate supervisor at work gave me a package containing several dead rats. The meaning of that is pretty obvious; the document he had recently given me to work on made a bundle of dead rodents look better.

xxp last night I dreamt that I was watching Lou Reed closing out a late 80s chat show by singing a cover version of the Pet Shop Boys 'It's A Sin'. Except he kept getting interrupted, first by a singing drummer with an enormous kit, then by a woman with an electric guitar.

Had a vivid dream last night wherein I was essentially the protagonist of Audition, specifically the torture-by-needle bits, only with "novel" little tweaks to make it even worse. My brain is awful sometimes. (Also, my *eventual* escape was timed perfectly for my alarm - I always find that eerie.)

I had a dream last night about a tv show where a young Marc Maron made cabinets with the help of a female friend who wore dungarees.

I had a creepy-ass dream the other night

Me & 2 female friends went to Spain/Paris & met this 60ish older gentleman who I guess we all dated? idk. he looked like the handsome grandfather in Strictly Ballroom, a dark/grey haired bearded tall sexy older man. We dressed up in super swishy dresses & went out dancing with him & then back to his apartment. I remember sitting sort of coyly next to him in a dark living room waiting & waiting for him to kiss me but I was getting tired & eventually I fell asleep. Then he like pounced on top of me kissing me & I felt him stab a needle into my neck & I got REALLLY ANGRY and yelled at him like "dude I would have fucked you when i was awake wtf are u drugging me now that I'm asleep you gross old creep" & my friends & I ran away & the police were chasing us

and then Marc Maron saw us in a coffee shop & recognised my friend's red dress & gave us up to the police

i must have eaten cheese before bed or something, it was a v traumatic weird dream!

Found myself with a nice, low-stress job---lots of stuff to do, but none of it was hard, and much better than periods of standing around, with too much time to think---in a sort of shopping mall for the working poor, part of a recovery--and I shared the national attitude of cautious optimism, another New Morning (After) In America. My nice boss, Ralph, is a veteran, still in the reserves, less apprehensive than "Let It Be."
Then, suits show up, talking with Ralph, and I pick up a brochure they dropped, and realize that this Renaissance Center is owned by the Western Renaissance Party---Ralph is a veteran of wars with what these guys refer as ZOG, the Zionist Occupational Government, and in the reserves of The Free American Army---aw shit, gotta go to the woods again, try to take some food---then I wake up. Shit!

I had a dream last night about a pest control supply company that capitalized on the ever-growing sense of aimless grievance infecting consumers and allowed them to take it out on their household pests via inhumane products such as the Mouse-Splitter and the Rat-Ruiner.

I also had a dream about a BMX pro who was receiving so much endorsement money that he was just giving it away because the burden was depressing him. I related this dream to my gf and my brother, who kept stopping me halfway through my retelling because they were sure this was going to wind up being a dream about scary demons, but I reassured them several times over that there were no scary demons in my BMX pro dream. But then it turned out I was just dreaming the part where I was relating my earlier dream.

Branes are weird.

"the ever-growing sense of aimless grievance"

I have taken ilx greater to task for this in the past tbf

i rag on A (bcz he is always wrong) but grievance is strong

I wish to lodge a mansplaint

anyway i had a dream i cd not escape last night -- i woke twice and both times fell straight back into the same dream, the setting was entirely mundane (i was trying to meet a landlord to rent a room in an unremarkable house) but the sense of threat abt the place was really sinister and seemingly i couldn't escape (as you normally do) it by waking up

1: I was price, of the icelandic fishermen-detective TV duo DERRIDA AND PRICE

set in wales i think (unless iceland has petrol stations surfaced with strewn slate) and my partner was jackie d his self

2:
a designer shows me an ambitious soon-to-be opened breakthrough mountain-ride and says it's mentioned in an upcoming book, not entirely admiringly

the book is called at the sign of the hunched child: towards a marxist critique of radical physical games, puzzles and disorientation

the other night i dreamed i was watching RuPaul’s Drag Race with Anthony Bourdain & Andrew Zimmerm and they both had their foreheads painted gold O_o

i just dreamt that my boss walked up to me and said "There's been a religious announcement. Anyone who bakes their crisps will be executed."

this week:

I watched Johnny Cash give a performance while he was in an iron lung

I was friends with Jodie Foster and she enjoyed my impression of her in Nell

Just before I woke, I dreamed a real swingy, Bobby Darin-esque number entitled 'Failure by Choice' (as in 'I'm a...'). I can still remember the tune, mostly.

Don't remember anything about yesterday's pre-waking dream except that it ended with someone exasperatedly exclaiming, 'But he ate a private citizen!'

reminds me of this song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_jBaN9fZig

this week:

I watched Johnny Cash give a performance while he was in an iron lung

I was friends with Jodie Foster and she enjoyed my impression of her in /Nell/

i wish i were friends with jodie foster

I've been having really vivid dreams lately, for some reason. I usually can't even remember what I've dreamt by the time I get to the bathroom to brush my teeth. But there's been a few lately that I've been kind of surprised at. It's gotten to a point where I've started to write down everything I can remember as soon as possible.

Here's some transcriptions of some of the best ones (I'm trying to type these out exactly as I've written them down):

1) "Modern society where every person actually has a diagnosable mental illness but not all have access to psychiatric services. The main idea would be to narrate as someone who had the knowledge of each person's progression through their mental illness up until the point of narration. It would try to explain things such as fraudulent behavior, shoplifting, all petty and more serious crimes, etc., justifying the actions; as the narrator knows, essentially, everything. The narrator is the exact opposite of an 'unreliable narrator' — something, anything, that happens in a character's mind is immediately known. It may confuse the reader in the meantime."

2) "A guy that lives, unbeknownst to him, inside a computer simulation. The computer simulation exists in a dystopian '1984' / 'Big Brother' type dictatorship / fascist society. The main character inside the simulation is a man who lives in a past area of where the fascist government has now taken over. They simulate this specific place and time because they saw a lot of creative arts come to prominence in this area, during that specific time period. Knowing this, they farm the simulation for the man's musical compositions, creating the only legal, government approved music. The man share all of his music on the internet (via SoundCloud, bandcamp, etc.). By doing this, when, in the simulation, the man is 'uploading' one of his songs, he is actually converting the song into binary code inside the simulation; the music can then be extracted into the 'real' world. When the reader is inside the simulation, narration is first person, via the man. When the reader is in the 'real' dystopian world, narration is third person."

3) "The author tells their autobiography through their own made up altered dimension timelines they've created from people in which the current narration have all but been forgotten. Through these different timelines, the author speculates on all the minute details of what life would have been like if PERSON A would have become more prominent in the author's narrative. The question will arise early in the reader's mind whether or not their version is the origin of if tis narrative itself only exists in the mind of an author in another dimension / timeline."

Also, lots of otherwise nonexistent music by some of my favorite bands (Radiohead, the Cure, etc).

Yeesh, I mangled that last sentence in the third one. Should read:

The question will arise early in the reader's mind whether or not their version is the origin of this narrative or if it itself only exists in the mind of an author in another dimension / timeline.

I really wish I'd caught the title of that movie starring Sarah Silverman and Osama bin Laden.

Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers unenthusiastically gangbanging a woman in a field

I'm pretty sure you're just thinking of the video for 'Free Falling'.

omg gross.
why did i click on this

sry ;_;

believe me it was not a dream I enjoyed

Had a dream that I was part of a team of cops from the Wire and it was the last episode of season six. McNulty and Freamon were there, as well as a mysteriously resurrected Stringer Bell, now gone good. We were on the grounds of a community college campus in Baltimore on the last day of school, after the students had left. We had just finished wrapping up this season's big case or whatever. Suddenly, we could smell patchouli incense, which we followed to a common area. There, in the middle of a bulletin board, was a huge poster that read: "WHITESTOCK A Gathering of White Supremacist Tribes," ominously foreshadowing next season's adventure.

Would watch.

I was assigned to write a long-form magazine profile of one of the fastest-rising new British Youtube stars. Her name was Gummy and her thing was sticking gummi bears to her back and farting.

If that isn't actually a thing at the moment, just give it time.

I've been sick for most of a week. Here are some of the books I've dreamed into existence over the past several nights of fitful sleep (why books, I couldn't tell you, except that I'm a nerd):

-a dictionary designed and printed to precisely resemble a Yellow Pages (the illustrations are made to look like ads for muffler shops and what have you)
-a long-lost medieval tract about coughing (with descriptivegraphs resembling an isometric strategy rpg)
-a history of arson in America written by a huge Lemonheads fan who keeps making really unwieldy attempts to tie his favorite band into the story of this or that burned building (no one needs to be reminded that Dando sang about Taang Records when you're describing that Boston church fire, dude)

'The One Where Ross is Demoted to King of Only Those Birds Which Are Flightless': Rachel and Chandler are compelled to confess that Ross's sudden reduction of stature is a result of their indiscreet conversation before members of the Board of Regents; Monica asks Joey and Phoebe to sample dozens of different scone recipes for an upcoming date with a hunk who Monica doesn't realize has no taste buds

amazing tbf

My wife and I were members of a pretty famous Led Zeppelin cover band. We were also writing some sort of dissertation that was due soon. Due to some weather-related issue, Jimmy Page and Robert Plant ended up getting stuck staying with us for what seemed like a long weekend. My wife was cooking breakfast while I played music for them and we talked about classic rock. Jimmy Page totally dissed Jimmy Hendrix when I asked about him. I played them early-Yes from the early-90s box set with the yellow CDs. I got Page and Plant to write a letter to the school explaining why I was not going to be on time with my dissertation because they were hanging out.

The dream then shifted and the Zeppelin cover band was on stage. We started playing some later Zeppelin song like "Nobody's Fault but Mine." There was a woman (not my wife) who was singing while wearing a grey wig like Plant's hair nowadays. She removes the wig to reveal short blonde hair. It ends up that Page and Plant convinced us to stop being a Zeppelin cover band and to write our own music.

This isn't a recent dream I've had but one of those rare dreams I'll never forget. It was one of those dreams you have where it turns out you really haven't graduated from university because you were lacking one course you neglected to take, except my class was located inside a multi-story parking garage. It was off to the side where there would ordinarily be some parking spots but it was still really tricky parking my car inside the garage, getting out, and snaking my way around the other vehicles looking for parking spots inside said garage while I walked over where my class was being held. I don't even know what the significance of such a dream would be.

More recently, after having watched a lot of "Mock the Week" DVDs on my region-free DVD player, I had a rather, um, interesting dream starring Hugh Dennis. I think it's because he's super English-y looking and super English-y guys are my "type"; also, ever since he grew out his beard he started looking way hotter IMO. I've rarely had those kinds of dreams before.

ok brace yerselves

cruising the warehouse docklands - possibly from a sullivan/bluth effort like all dogs go to heaven, seedy darkness- for hookers and i find that one of my brothers has a bart simpson style condo in an upper floor

perfect says i, have a word, he agrees to vacate the premises and i hop down the road and procure a lady of the night for the specifics

bring her back up and have a rare ole time along the usual lines, and check that all is in order for a trad porno finish im sure m white knows a classy term for it

so i start yknow producing the goods and its like a can of cream its like a starbucks cinnamon swirl topping its all over the place

fin

and she opens her mouth and in the corniest thirties black and white gangster voice you ever heard out comes "im inspectuh shawwwn o reilly of the chicago police and you awh under arrest"

and the wig is whipped off and in that dream way its now a heavy jowled dude with five o clock shadow and honest ta fuck a cigar hangin out his mouth, the lot

still covered in jizz tho

so what do i do?

"why the fuck did you wait for me to finish you fool?"

which imo is fair question

so the brother shows up says hes a cop! the fuck would you shoot the load on a cop! the fuck would he wait for you to finish? and im all seinfeld I KNOW, RIGHT? and insp o reilly is getting super pissed off (and isnt even cleaning up or anything)

dream logic allows us to make a run for it- possibly yerman is blinded- and the whole way on the run -now through the docks from the end of dead pool (it is dead pool isnt it?) the brother is gassing himself laughing and shouting "the fuck would he wait for you to finish? jesus the state of him" over and over and i woke up on the couch muttering it to myself

now lemme tell you, i know you guys are lapping this up but when a still-groggy dmac related this is somewhat more detail to herself over the porridge this morning i was sent to coventry and no sign of a return ticket neither

normally i dont remember my dreams and thats maybe for the best idk

posting merely to confirm receipt of the information, nothing else to be said

coventrys alright actually

bart simpson has a condo?

yes thats the main takeaway for me too

Dreamed last night I was working in an art gallery and we'd had some success with an anonymous artist whose practice was "Jenny Holzer, but Dad". We were selling scrolling LED screens that read:

MAKE SURE TO TREAT THOSE AROUND YOU WITH RESPECT, BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHO'LL END UP BEING YOUR BOSS ONE DAY

I DON'T KNOW WHETHER IT WAS MY MARRIAGE TO YOUR MOM OR THE PASSING OF TIME, BUT ALL MY DREAMS ARE UNFULFILLED

I DON'T FIND MYSELF ATTRACTIVE AND I CAN'T STAND THE SOUND OF MY OWN VOICE, BUT IT'S THE SAME FOR EVERYONE, I GUESS

The most popular aphorism, the one that was getting printed on T-shirts, the equivalent of ABUSE OF POWER... etc., read:

I KNOW IT'S EARLY BUT I MADE YOU COFFEE

I was watching an octopus at the aquarium and imagining warily that it might emerge from its tank when, seeming to read my mind, it did just that, slithering out and then rising to approximately my own height. Its form then began to shift and shimmer until it had at last camouflaged itself as an elderly man in a green tracksuit. While I stood paralyzed with shock and amazement, it made its way to a table in the cafeteria and sat, chewing a cigar butt while it read a racing form over a plate of eggs. I tried to alert the authorities but no one would believe me. And why would they, really.

I thought Buckner and Garcia picked too obscure an author to lampoon for their comeback single, but 'Auster Goes NASCAR' just hit #1 in Canada so I guess that shut me up.

hahaha

WTF is 'examining goop' and why is it packaged in a ceramic cookie jar shaped like a hedgehog

dreamt that i was helping two brothers— apparently friends of mine — steal some motorcycles from their asshole brother-in-law. this involved gunfire, which i was not expecting. we peeled out and lost our pursuers on the streets of pittsburgh but then got massively stuck in traffic because one of the brothers chose the highway on the wrong side of the allegheny, and by the time we got home the cops were waiting for us

i was *pretty* sure this was a dream, but then i went down a level for the rest of the night where emerging from other dreams just put me back in trouble. i hadn’t known the motorcycle theft was so serious, so i hadn’t bothered with a disguise or alibi, and none of the sub-dreams helped matters

Hogception

The first ever instance of the phrase 'my taint has a whole new zip code' occurred inside my lovely brain last night.

Last night I dreamt the trailer for a horror film about a serial killing telekinetic deer named Bill. The movie is called Bill. Please see it when it comes to your local theater.

(Actually, upon reflection, I think he just uses his tk to scare people into thinking he is going to serial kill them but I don't think he actually serial kills anyone. He did telekinetically make a shovel stand up and begin digging what appeared to be a grave in what was an implied if not an explicit threat, so he's definitely a shady customer.)

I was desperately seeking a loved one who was missing and so I approached the cop car parked in the alley to see if the officer could help. As I got closer, I could see that the car was a-rockin', but I didn't care that this guy was in flagrante delicto. I needed answers now. So I rapped on the steamy back window and the perturbed cop slowly rose to glower at me, followed immediately thereafter by his partner-in-coitus, Madame (of Wayland Flowers and Madame fame).

Dreamt I was being interviewed for a job with the Council in Bristol. It was something to do with running buses and making them more environmentally friendly. One interviewer looked like Tony Pulis and the other, while not looking like Victoria Wood, had her voice and mannerisms. The interview started off in a very noisy, bright, clean open-plan office. I asked Tony if he could either speak up or move us somewhere quieter and he replied brusquely to say this was just an informal opening chat and we'd go somewhere quieter for the interview proper. We went into a second room which was just as noisy. It was bigger and there was a line drawn down the middle of the room and people were performing Shakespeare plays on the other side of the line. Victoria started asking me lots of questions about acronyms with which I was unfamiliar. I became more interested in what was out the window. I went outside, then woke up.

Wow, your dream involved acting as well!

I was going to say that this is a timely thread revive because I had a very vivid dream before I had to wake up this morning, except mine involved participating in a skit with Terry Wogan and some random person who looked like what I imagined Chuffer Dandridge to look like. I remember it starting in a room that looked like a classroom and I was basically roped into saying the final two lines of this skit, which were supposed to be the comedic punchline that tied the whole scene together. I remember staring at the script in horror, wondering how I was going to ever memorize these two lines, and then I started doodling on the script before someone grabbed me and told me it was time to get on stage. I remember panicking for a good while until it was my time to recite the two lines I was given, and then I started cursing myself for not having taken the memorization more seriously until I started to remember what I had doodled and then the image of the script page came to my mind, and I was able to utter the two lines without error. Some song started playing (I forget which one now, even though I JUST had this dream) and I remember getting commendations for my acting ability, because apparently playing as though I were flustered (even though I really was) added a nuance to the lines that made the skit even more hilarious. And then my alarm went off.

The name of the song will probably come to me later on in the day. I'll probably be doing something random and then it'll pop into my head.

A few weeks ago I had a dream that I was sent Quantum Leap style into a decade ago in order to go to Glinner's house and mute a list of words and phrases on his Twitter account.

I came across a public service billboard featuring Louis Gossett, Jr. saying 'Lewd is gossip, junior!'

Reading Lucille Ball's autobiography, I found it odd and more than a little off-putting how often she brought up the time that she and Cary Grant got into a shitting contest.

Had a nightmare about a monkey slug caterpillar last night. It was as big as my hand and when it started crawling on me I freaked out and I accidentally ripped some of its appendages off and it started whining like my dog. And everyone started blaming me for injuring it and all I could say was "no! no! it's not hurt."

Not for the first time, I dreamed a trailer for a nonexistent movie, and just now remembered that I wrote this down in the middle of the night...

Narrator (over sunny music): Jed McFarkle spent his whole life in a swamp with no bears.
Jed's friend: It's so great to live somewhere with no bears.
Jed: Yeah, I love my swamp.
Narrator: But all that's about to change. (record scratch)
Jed's mom: Son, we have some big news.
Jed's dad: Your mother got a new job and, well...
Jed's mom: We're moving to Bear Swamp!
Narrator: Now, bears are absolutely everywhere, and they're really cramping Jed's style.
Jed: How am I supposed to get ready for the big game with all these bears around?
Narrator: But sometimes, the friend you need comes in a form you didn't expect.
Sparkles the Bear: ROAR!
Narrator: A big form!
Jed: Sparkles, I love you.
Sparkles the Bear: ROAR!
Narrator: Rated R.

It's not uncommon for me to wake up laughing at the stupid things I dream.

That's awesome.

I have been having great dreams lately, but can never remember them when I wake up. But last night I had a nightmare/anxiety dream that isn't interesting enough to get into here but I can remember almost every detail.

giving me some fresh ideas for a Bearabbas character, if you're willing to collaborate on the script

I also had a dream last night that I recall less about, involving an elderly and senile Mr. T wandering into my grandparents' house (which he lived next door to) and causing a ruckus (I remember that he called the meatloaf on the table 'white supremacist loaf' at one point). Eventually, with the help of his nephew and a needlessly convoluted plan which involved some blonde '90s singer (LeAnn Rimes? Heather Nova?) recording a new song that mentioned his name several times, we were finally able to draw T. safely back to his own home.

Guy Fieri was getting arrested and

whoops accidentally hit submit.

Guy Fieri was getting arrested. I don't know why, but he was cackling with maniacal laughter. The cops had him laying on his back.

NSFW:
His pants were down. And you know those penis enlargement pumps? He had one of those on and his dick was huge. And he had one on each ball and they were the biggest, longest balls I've ever seen.

I was with some people close to me, in conversation. I kept trying to remember the name of the previous president, the one before Biden. In the dream, it was a talking dog, a shiba-inu, who was also a kind of insult comedian. My dreaming mind had mixed up Donald Trump and Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, probably because of the words Trump and Triumph being so close and both figures being semi-prominent NBC personalities in the 2000s. The reason it was a shiba-inu is probably because I know someone whose elderly shiba-inu recently passed.

In any case, I couldn't remember the name of this president and was getting frustrated. Terrence? Trippy? Everyone around me just wanted to talk about how awful he was, how he brought our country to the precipice of destruction, but I just wanted to know the name. Tracks? Then I moved onto a different question -- how could a dog be president anyway? Are dogs citizens? No one was listening to me. At this point it was like I was on mute, everyone carried on their conversation and wouldn't answer my basic questions about this recently deposed canine demagogue.

Tesla were moving into the stairlift market. The start of the presentation revealed how corrupt or incompetent Stannah were as a business, getting percentages mixed up with cash amounts and bankrupting their customers. Then Elon appeared floating up and down on a chair with no visible means of support.

I went to an Ikea store for a business meeting with Mads Mikkelsen. He was in the kitchen section and a bunch of kitchen tables had been placed in a row to make a kind of boardroom table. He was sitting down and looked miserable.

I had rigged up a back-seat bookies on the top of a double-decker bus, even with a cash register and was very anxious that all the unruly people on the bus were stealing money from the till. And some point I was paying someone out but was repeatedly needing to recount the money and coming up with a different amount every time, and this torturous part of the dream seemed to go on forever.

I was collaborating on a single with Justin Bieber.

Paulie Shore was working as a water-tester at a local reservoir and I kept taunting him by yelling "Snoochie Boochies".

I was listening to Murmur yesterday and then last night I dreamed that one of the songs on the album was actually called 'Shitting, Still' and that the band's name was RBM. Yes, I am eight years old even in my dreams.

A new set of trading cards is taking the world by storm. They're called Malkobread, and each card features John Malkovich elaborately costumed as a different kind of bread product.

I don't recall the context, but I know that the phrase 'roll of a lifetime' instantiated in my brain at some point during the dream.

No, there is no excuse for any of this.

It is discovered somehow (the origins are murky) that there are regions in the world where there is a surfeit of time; it collects in big rippling pools and when you're there time stands still, or it's like you're outside of the usual mechanics of time. People bring their loved ones, particularly the terminally sick; others, me included, just wheel about in the surf. I experience the whole dream as if I'm travelling across shallow water on a boogie board.

I literally woke myself up laughing.

I was sharing a room in a dilapidated house somewhere in California. The place was really run down and not at all secure, but I slept like a baby. I was grateful to my brother because he's the only person who is not bothered by my snoring.

*sharing a room with my brother