Manitoban Children: Do Not Dress as Seals for Halloween.

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

Polar Bears Will Eat You:

http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/1098655185981_2/?hub=Canada

― Nemo (JND), Friday, 29 October 2004 17:49 (twenty-one years ago)

This warning also applies to Newfoundland where Newfies may club ya.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Friday, 29 October 2004 18:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't dress up like Kraft Dinner either, just to be on the safe side...

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Friday, 29 October 2004 18:10 (twenty-one years ago)

mmmmmmmmm, it's the cheesiest.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Friday, 29 October 2004 20:37 (twenty-one years ago)

You've gotta love KD.

― Kim (Kim), Saturday, 30 October 2004 13:50 (twenty-one years ago)

If the children dress as penguins, do the polar bears get confused and think they're in the wrong hemisphere?

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Saturday, 30 October 2004 14:44 (twenty-one years ago)

i hope those kids get eaten

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 30 October 2004 14:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Polar Bears: check your Halloween children for razor blades before eating them.

― briania (briania), Saturday, 30 October 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

latebloomer OTM. Seems only fair.

― Bryan (Bryan), Saturday, 30 October 2004 17:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I like the assumption that polars might discriminate between kids dressed as seals and, say, kids dressed as ghosts.

― Huk-L, Sunday, 31 October 2004 19:11 (twenty-one years ago)

"The last deadly attack was in 1983 when a resident who scavenged packages of ground beef from a burned out hotel ran into a bear in a dark alley."

Wow.

― poop (poop), Monday, 1 November 2004 03:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Huck, I think polar bears, like all living creatures, are afraid of ghosts.

― Nemo (JND), Monday, 1 November 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Damn! I can't find a copy of it, but apparently there's a story out there somewhere that a man was arrested in Saskatoon last night for handing out beer to trick-or-treaters!

― Huk-L, Monday, 1 November 2004 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

They're going to have to learn to drink beer sometime.

― Nemo (JND), Monday, 1 November 2004 16:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I hope the trick-or-treaters poured some on the ground for the trick-or-treaters who had gotten mauled to death by polar bears.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Monday, 1 November 2004 17:25 (twenty-one years ago)

You hear a beer story like that every year. I'm never sure if they're really true or not.

I didn't see any Seal costumes either. Didn't stop me from eating a few random kids tho.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Monday, 1 November 2004 18:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Trick or beer:
http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/1101halloween-beer01-ON.html

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 13:01 (twenty-one years ago)

"One man was charged with mischief after he allegedly forced himself into a home and tried to pick a fight with the residents because he was told they were out of candy.

Police said they believed the man was drunk."

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 13:08 (twenty-one years ago)

And Thermo didn't believe me.

Also, RAZOR BLADES!

MOOSE JAW — Moose Jaw city police had their hands full Halloween night with 44 calls for service between 7 p.m. Sunday and 6 a.m. Monday.
Police received various reports of children being hassled for their candy and pranks like eggs being thrown at houses. The police station itself was egged. Police also got reports of people firing paint balls from a vehicle in the city’s Northwest area.
Among the more serious reports was a call from the 1000 block of Willow Avenue, where razor blades were discovered in a child’s candy back around 6:36 p.m.
A robbery was reported to police at 8:06 p.m. Sunday on the 1000 block of Fourth Avenue Northeast. Two youths were robbed at knife-point by two suspects, one male and a female. An undisclosed amount of money was taken.
Several fires were also set Sunday night. At 7:34 p.m. on the 900 block of Iroquois Street West a van was set on fire causing $5,000 damage. The fire spread to a nearby vehicle and the damage to that vehicle was estimated at about $1,200.
Police also responded to a blaze on a lawn on the 800 block of Cartier Avenue. A couch was set on fire and some nearby trees also ignited.
At 11:16 p.m., a car was set on fire on the 900 block of Home Street West, causing $5,000 damage.
A garage fire on the 900 block of Lillooet Street West was reported at 11 p.m. The damage to the structure was estimated around $3,000.
Police dealt with several fights and disturbances as well.
Officers were called to an apartment on the 300 block of Fairford Street West around 7:36 p.m. Three people were arrested. One man was wanted on a Canada-wide warrant for escaping custody, a woman was also wanted on warrants and a man was arrested for being drunk in a public place.
Police also confronted a suicidal 20-year-old male wielding a knife around 8:55 p.m. The man was taken to hospital and admitted into the psychiatric ward.
At 9:55 p.m. a report from the 300 block of the North Service Road indicated a fight with a knife was in progress. Police discovered an altercation between a father and son.
Police were called to a disturbance at the Union Hospital at 11:04 a.m. Sunday. A man was arrested and taken to police cells.

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I guess in Moose Jaw polar bears are the least of your worries.

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, Al Capone was born there.

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't believe you. He could never have run for president if he was born in Canada.

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

That's Lex Luthor you're thinking of.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Moose Jaw has built their tourist industry around their real bootlegging past. They've completely fabricated, however, claims that Al Capone was a regular visitor and even kept an office suite there. There's no evidence whatsoever that he'd ever been there.

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.dccomics.com/features/lex/art/Rm_smLEX.jpg

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 15:41 (twenty-one years ago)

"Moose Jaw" would be a great mob nickname, though.

― briania (briania), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

There are hardly any Saskatchewan place names that wouldn't be.
Look out, there goes Harvey "Prince Albert" Fratelli!
And Mannheim "Swift Current" Lipschitz!
Don't forget Chuck "Eyebrow" Lannigan!

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Tommy "Antler" O'Connor
"Smiley" Gribowicz

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Luciano "Climax" Giusseppi
Hobarth "Watrous" McKim
Joey "the La Ronge" Shuffler

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 16:03 (twenty-one years ago)

http://mccullochs.on.ca/acatalog/Fd37323.jpg

My God, you really can buy a seal costume! And from a Canadian company, no less. They should put pictures of mauled children on the package, kind of like the gory warnings they put on cigarettes.

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 16:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Damn, that's making me hungry!

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 16:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Must...suppress....urge...to maul...

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 16:18 (twenty-one years ago)

"hungry" isn't the right word for me, more like..."unexpectedly aroused".

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 16:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, you're in trouble now.

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 16:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Where's my club?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Your club vs my gang, bizzo!

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I like Moose Jaw. They put a huge picture of me in their newspaper.

http://www.theminorthirds.com/pix-moose-jaw-article.jpg

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:08 (twenty-one years ago)

WOW! That is a huge picture!

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I think Manitoba has some better mob names:

Joey "Flin Flon" Montagne
Louie "La Riviere" Lantoni
and beware of...
Bobby "The Pas"!

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Gimli Santini, aka "The Dwarf."

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:16 (twenty-one years ago)

TS: Donny "Portage La Prairie" Maglioni vs. Carlo "Assiniboia" Zampano.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:17 (twenty-one years ago)

vs. Tommy "Dildo" Nuffatini.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Henry "Winkler" Kelly

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Sammy "Biggar" Pesante.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:23 (twenty-one years ago)

There's only one Dildo in Canada, and it's in Newfoundland.

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:31 (twenty-one years ago)

But 'Conception Bay' ain't too intimidating a name

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)

"The town has a fast-growing tourist industry. It offers picturesque scenery, several bed and breakfasts, the Dildo Museum interpretive centre, the Historic Dildo Days celebration in August, the first cod hatchery in the province on Dildo Island, and a replica of a giant squid caught in Dildo in 1933. Dildo won the Harrowsmith Magazine Award in 2001 as one of the ten prettiest small towns in Canada.
Residents of Dildo are called Dildoians."

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Dildoians pronounced dill-doy-ans or dill-do-ee-ans?

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe I'll call them.

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:49 (twenty-one years ago)

There's only one Dildo in Canada, and it's in Newfoundland.

I can't imagine why I went with "Nuffatini" for the last name, then.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Isolating the sentence like that explains so much.

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:50 (twenty-one years ago)

It's funnier spoken aloud.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm going to diagram the sentence, just to make sure I know what's going on.

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:57 (twenty-one years ago)

SFW, but really big.

http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.com/~gcbodie/photos/NF2002/Shots/Dildo.jpg

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 17:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Full circle!
http://www.re-entries.com/Images/nfld.Sc40-5full.jpg

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:00 (twenty-one years ago)

shit.

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:01 (twenty-one years ago)

General Services:

• The community of Dildo is a Local Service District where a committee is in charge of community services. This committee handles the collection of fees for garbage and
community wells.

• Garbage is collected on a weekly basis for a fee of $75 per year
• Community wells are available for a fee of $96 per year
• Fire Protection Services - Seaside Volunteer Fire Department (7 km)

Real Estate:

• Average price of a three-bedroom bungalow: $35,000
• Average rental cost of a house: $350 per month
• Average rental cost of a two-bedroom apartment: $300 per month
• Home heating sources available include wood, electric, oil, and propane

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:03 (twenty-one years ago)

they took those out of circulation because polar bears would eat them too.

x-post

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:03 (twenty-one years ago)

CDN$350? I'm there!

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:05 (twenty-one years ago)

$300 Canadian a month? I want to become a Dildoian.

x-post!

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I know! And think of how tickled all your friends will be to get letters postmarked "Dildo"!

xxpost

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:06 (twenty-one years ago)

We should all move there and build a Xanadu-like roller rink.

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:07 (twenty-one years ago)

And you can invite your friends there for "Historic Dildo Days," when they can experience the Dildo of days gone by!

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:09 (twenty-one years ago)

The original Dildo, as it were.

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Cleaned with alcohol between uses, of course.

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:10 (twenty-one years ago)

It's a Dildo tradition!

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Did thy advise children not to dress up like didlos?

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

"You may be pounced upon by people looking for cheap rent."

― Casuistry (Chris P), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

"Or cheap morals."

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:16 (twenty-one years ago)

People looking for cheap morals?

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:17 (twenty-one years ago)

$300 Canadian a month? I want to become a Dildoian.

A little better then average for anywhere outside the big cities down east.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:17 (twenty-one years ago)

You picked a fine time to bring logic into this thread, Huck!

― Rufus T. Firefly, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

In Regina, which claims lower than average rent, a bachelor suite goes for $300, so a 2 bedroom at that price is a steal!

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, people looking for people with cheap morals. Maybe I posted before considering whether that actually made any sense. x-post I

Sure, other places in Canada are cheap, too, but what other towns have the Dildo Museum interpretive center? x-post II

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Between Garrick and White Fox:
http://www.becquet.com/director/maps/nipawin.jpg
Or possibly between Frontier and Bracken:
http://www.becquet.com/director/maps/climax.jpg

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:27 (twenty-one years ago)

All the laughs you've ever wanted.

http://www.becquet.com/director/maps/index.htm

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Ha ha - "Port of Climax"!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:44 (twenty-one years ago)

CANDY SAVES LIVES!!!

Bag of Halloween candy cushions Edmonton girl hit by truck in crosswalk
EDMONTON (CP) — A little girl’s candy may have saved her from serious injury after she was hit by a truck Halloween night, police said Monday.
The nine-year-old girl was thrown several metres after being hit by the truck in a crosswalk, but she landed on her bag of candy, which cushioned the impact.
The girl was trick-or-treating with a 13-year-old girl. Both were treated in hospital and released.
Patrick Toner, 28, of Edmonton, has been charged with failing to yield to a pedestrian and careless driving.
(Edmonton Sun)

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 18:57 (twenty-one years ago)

The lesson is simple. Always make sure your children have a giant sack of candy with them.

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 19:03 (twenty-one years ago)

It's better than clean underwear!

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 19:05 (twenty-one years ago)

And much more delicious!

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 20:11 (twenty-one years ago)

That's debatable.

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 20:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Slightly more delicious?

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 20:35 (twenty-one years ago)

what was the other 13-year old girl treated for?

― dave225 (Dave225), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 20:37 (twenty-one years ago)

We need to hire a bunch of hip, good-looking young people to drive across the country conducting blind taste tests at shopping malls and amusement parks.

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 20:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Perhaps you can get a government grant for the project.

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Perhaps you can kiss my fucking ass!

(no offense, I just felt like jerking my knee)

― Huk-L, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Can you get a grant for that? Perhaps make a special Air Canada Kiss on the ass?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 21:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I think you can get a government grant for anything in Canada. It's in the constitution.

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 21:12 (twenty-one years ago)

It's why we pay taxes. That and biannual eye appointments.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 21:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Now I really want to move to Dildo.

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Has Newfoundland & Labrador taken a stand on gay marriage? Not that it would affect me directly (not being the marrying kind, not the homosexual kind, for that matter), but I think it would be great to turn Dildo into a Gay Marriage Tourism Hub.

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 3 November 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know about legaly banning anything but you can get your ass kicked in Saint John's for having long hair, cause you know it's a sure sign.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, there's a catchy slogan buried somewhere in there.

x-post

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

The last time I got beat up, summer of '99, I was walking down a busy street and some kids in the Burger King parking lot yelled at me that I was a fag. I said, "What are you, from Alberta?"
Turned out they were.

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 3 November 2004 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow. I guess the similarities between Alberta and Texas go beyond oil.

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, there's the hats too.

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 3 November 2004 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

And the boots.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

What about gigantic belt buckles?

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

And the luge track.

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 3 November 2004 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Albert a was actually settled in numbers by Americans coming north from the midwest after the U.S. frontier closed. That goes to explaining a lot.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I learned last night that there are 50,000 American citizens in Calgary alone, at this very minute.

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

and snow, apparently.

xxpost

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Blame the oil companies.

haha, 30 cm of snow, booofuckinhoo.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:03 (twenty-one years ago)

They're getting off easy.
xpost

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

oh man - you should see london and the UK in general grind to a halt when there are even dustings of snow on the ground - we're talking less than 5cm and things descend into chaos!

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:16 (twenty-one years ago)

ok, the 'uk' bit is unfair - they get snow up in scotland and can sorta deal with it.

is there snow back there in the motherland yet?

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:17 (twenty-one years ago)

You mean Russia?

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:18 (twenty-one years ago)

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:18 (twenty-one years ago)

That makes the UK sounds like Vancouver.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Good lord no. It's a balmy 3 degrees in Toronto but the sunlight is really nice right now.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:19 (twenty-one years ago)

The best thing about this thread is that the only thing that seems to be cheering ILXors up in these tragic times is a Dildo.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:19 (twenty-one years ago)

It's also the one thread not about the USA.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Is there anything Dildo can't do?

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:24 (twenty-one years ago)

http://img36.exs.cx/img36/9169/analranger.jpg

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

When the world has got you down, remember that there's always a Dildo waiting for you in Newfoundland.

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 17:17 (twenty-one years ago)

ROAD TRIP!

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 22:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha. DILDO OR BUST!

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 22:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Can I hitch a ride from Toronto to Halifax, where you can turn left to Sydney and catch the ferry to Saint John's.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 22:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Manitoba/Saskatoon kids got nothing on this lucky little girl (doesn't say what she was dressed as though):

Crack was a treat: mom
By AP

ORLANDO, Fla. -- A six-year-old girl brought more than $1,000 US worth of crack to school, and her mother
claimed the child must have got it while trick-or-treating. The first-grader was suspended from Tangelo Park
Elementary. Her mother is under investigation.

School officials sent a letter home to parents Thursday, explaining how an anti-drug campaign led another
student to recognize the more than a dozen pieces of crack.

― Huk-L, Monday, 8 November 2004 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

These people need to get out of Ornaldo and move somewhere wholesome, like Saskatoon or Dildo.

― Nemo (JND), Monday, 8 November 2004 20:46 (twenty-one years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.