― charleston charge (chaki), Thursday, 31 March 2005 04:28 (twenty-one years ago)
― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 31 March 2005 04:31 (twenty-one years ago)
― Remy Ulysses Fitzgerald (x Jeremy), Thursday, 31 March 2005 04:32 (twenty-one years ago)
― Matt Chesnut (Matt Chesnut), Thursday, 31 March 2005 04:33 (twenty-one years ago)
― Remy Ulysses Fitzgerald (x Jeremy), Thursday, 31 March 2005 04:33 (twenty-one years ago)
Comment 22 posted by JP on March 26, 2005 02:12 PM: I am employeed by a comedy club in VA where Mitch was scheduled to appear Wed. March 21st thru Today, the 26th. Unfortunately, Mitch has been 'ill' and just not shown up for work Wed, Thurs, and 2 shows on Friday. A phone call would have been nice, but we're all just standing around waiting and hoping he'll come staggering thru our door. So, Mitch if you ever read this, please remember that many people's livelyhood depend on your attendance.
http://blogcritics.org/archives/2004/09/24/131428.php
― charleston charge (chaki), Thursday, 31 March 2005 04:36 (twenty-one years ago)
― charleston charge (chaki), Thursday, 31 March 2005 04:45 (twenty-one years ago)
― charleston charge (chaki), Thursday, 31 March 2005 04:46 (twenty-one years ago)
― charleston charge (chaki), Thursday, 31 March 2005 04:47 (twenty-one years ago)
― charleston charge (chaki), Thursday, 31 March 2005 04:48 (twenty-one years ago)
― charleston charge (chaki), Thursday, 31 March 2005 04:53 (twenty-one years ago)
http://www.themaydecember.net/Images/robbie/mhfilmclip.wmv
― charleston charge (chaki), Thursday, 31 March 2005 04:58 (twenty-one years ago)
― retort pouch (retort pouch), Thursday, 31 March 2005 05:06 (twenty-one years ago)
― charleston charge (chaki), Thursday, 31 March 2005 05:16 (twenty-one years ago)
― stephen morris (stephen morris), Thursday, 31 March 2005 05:56 (twenty-one years ago)
― Remy Ulysses Fitzgerald (x Jeremy), Thursday, 31 March 2005 06:00 (twenty-one years ago)
― charleston charge (chaki), Thursday, 31 March 2005 06:11 (twenty-one years ago)
― kingfish van pickles (Kingfish), Thursday, 31 March 2005 07:55 (twenty-one years ago)
http://p089.ezboard.com/faspecialthingthetenaciousdfanboardfrm2.showMessage?topicID=2504.topic
"Notice Scott Auckerman confirming it. Scott is a former cast member and writer on Mr. Show who knew Mitch and "in search of Sasquatch" is the owner of the board, so it's doubtful that they're just making it up. I've seen it mentioned on Louis CK's board as well. I've checked out several other comedy related boards so far and a lot of them are talking about it, but no real news sources have confirmed it yet. Apparently it just happened tonight."
― charleston charge (chaki), Thursday, 31 March 2005 08:36 (twenty-one years ago)
― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Thursday, 31 March 2005 11:58 (twenty-one years ago)
― charleston charge (chaki), Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:08 (twenty-one years ago)
http://www.timesdispatch.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=RTD/MGArticle/RTD_BasicArticle&c=MGArticle&cid=1031781753994
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:14 (twenty-one years ago)
― 57 7th (calstars), Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:14 (twenty-one years ago)
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:18 (twenty-one years ago)
― Ken L (Ken L), Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:21 (twenty-one years ago)
― Ken L (Ken L), Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)
― Josh in Chicago (Josh in Chicago), Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:32 (twenty-one years ago)
― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:33 (twenty-one years ago)
RIP
― Dan M. (OutDatWay), Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:39 (twenty-one years ago)
― Huk-L, Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:41 (twenty-one years ago)
― brad k! (brad k!), Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:45 (twenty-one years ago)
― Huk-L, Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)
― Huk-L, Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:52 (twenty-one years ago)
― Huk-L, Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:54 (twenty-one years ago)
― mitchs head lol, Thursday, 31 March 2005 13:59 (twenty-one years ago)
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 31 March 2005 14:00 (twenty-one years ago)
― globalized second, Thursday, 31 March 2005 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 31 March 2005 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)
― Huk-L, Thursday, 31 March 2005 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)
― mitch dub (ano ano), Thursday, 31 March 2005 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)
― Huk-L, Thursday, 31 March 2005 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)
― mitch dub (ano ano), Thursday, 31 March 2005 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)
― mitch dub (ano ano), Thursday, 31 March 2005 14:23 (twenty-one years ago)
― Stupornaut (natepatrin), Thursday, 31 March 2005 14:49 (twenty-one years ago)
Haha, that would've totally been something Mitch would have come up with, actually! But he never seemed the type to pull Kaufman type stunts, so my hopes are low :(
― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Thursday, 31 March 2005 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)
― TOMBOT, Thursday, 31 March 2005 16:21 (twenty-one years ago)
― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 31 March 2005 16:22 (twenty-one years ago)
― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 31 March 2005 16:24 (twenty-one years ago)
― Huk-L, Thursday, 31 March 2005 16:26 (twenty-one years ago)
I am going to go on the record as saying that I think this is a hoax and Howard Stern sucks. It should have popped up SOMEWHERE reliable by now if it had any factual basis.
― TOMBOT, Thursday, 31 March 2005 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)
― Huk-L, Thursday, 31 March 2005 16:32 (twenty-one years ago)
― Maria (Maria), Thursday, 31 March 2005 16:33 (twenty-one years ago)
― TOMBOT, Thursday, 31 March 2005 16:35 (twenty-one years ago)
― charleston charge (chaki), Thursday, 31 March 2005 16:37 (twenty-one years ago)
What a shitty thing to happen to an incredibly funny guy. Rest in peace.
― Huk-L, Thursday, 31 March 2005 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)
― Huk-L, Thursday, 31 March 2005 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)
Born and raised in the St. Paul area, Mitch Hedberg decided to start his own comedy career in South Florida. Not so much for the comedy scene, but for the sun. His landlord would drive him up and down the coast from club to club in his pick-up truck where Mitch would lie down in the back to avoid any of the negative conversations his landlord would try to have with him.
Mitch developed his style in Florida and decided to try it out on different audiences. He moved to Seattle and toured throughout the Pacific Northwest honing his act in front of the new audiences. While in Los Angeles, Mitch booked his first television appearance on MTV's "Comikaze" by walking into the MTV offices and personally pitching himself to the talent coordinator. Many cable shows followed including A&E's "Comedy on the Road", Comedy Central's "Comedy Product", and NBC's "Comedy Showcase" hosted by Louie Anderson.
In 1996, Mitch got his break with an invitation to perform at the prestigious Just for Laughs Montreal International Comedy Festival. His performances secured him a deal with a studio and a spot on "The Late Show with David Letterman." Letterman enjoyed the set so much that he actually quoted one of Mitch's bits later in the show.
With the money from his development deal, Mitch wrote, directed and stars in his own independent feature called "Los Enchiladas!" which premiered at Sundance. His film is a comedy about a drifter who gets a job at a Mexican chain restaurant in middle America, the relationships between the restaurant employees, and the deterioration of the business' hierarchy over a 24-hour period. While editing the film in Seattle, Mitch entered the 1997 Seattle Comedy Competition and won the grand prize of three thousand dollars. He immediately handed the check over to his editor and finished the film.
On February 5, 1999 Mitch made his fifth appearance on "The Late Night Show with David Letterman." Last July he was invited to return to the comedy festival "Just for Laughs" where he stole the attention of the industry, audiences, and press alike. His stand-out performances secured a development deal with FOX to create his own sitcom and prompted TIME magazine to include him as one of the next generation of comedy stars and The Hollywood Reporter to headline their review of the Festival, "Laughs are Loudest for Hedberg." Mitch also recently completed a reality show pilot for MTV.
Mitch passed away in March, 2005.
― Huk-L, Thursday, 31 March 2005 16:48 (twenty-one years ago)
Now THAT is beautiful.
― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 31 March 2005 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)
Saw him in Baltimore over a year ago. Good times.
― TOMBOT, Thursday, 31 March 2005 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)
― TOMBOT, Thursday, 31 March 2005 17:01 (twenty-one years ago)
― Huk-L, Thursday, 31 March 2005 17:05 (twenty-one years ago)
― Elliot (Elliot), Thursday, 31 March 2005 17:13 (twenty-one years ago)
a part of me just wants to scream "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" right now.
that and, uh, RIP Terri Schiavo. Not as funny, but dead nonetheless...
― JD from CDepot, Thursday, 31 March 2005 17:14 (twenty-one years ago)
― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 31 March 2005 17:14 (twenty-one years ago)
― Maria (Maria), Thursday, 31 March 2005 17:21 (twenty-one years ago)
― retort pouch (retort pouch), Thursday, 31 March 2005 17:25 (twenty-one years ago)
i felt so bad for him.
― JD from CDepot, Thursday, 31 March 2005 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)
― polyphonic (polyphonic), Thursday, 31 March 2005 17:45 (twenty-one years ago)
― Daniel_Rf (Daniel_Rf), Thursday, 31 March 2005 17:56 (twenty-one years ago)
― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 31 March 2005 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)
― Huk-L, Thursday, 31 March 2005 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)
― charleston charge (chaki), Thursday, 31 March 2005 19:04 (twenty-one years ago)
― threedogg, Thursday, 31 March 2005 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... It's dirty.
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".
People teach their dogs to sit, it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.
― Huk-L, Thursday, 31 March 2005 19:50 (twenty-one years ago)
― Ken L (Ken L), Thursday, 31 March 2005 20:04 (twenty-one years ago)
― Matt Chesnut (Matt Chesnut), Thursday, 31 March 2005 21:35 (twenty-one years ago)
― My name is Kenny (My name is Kenny), Thursday, 31 March 2005 22:18 (twenty-one years ago)
Hedberg, for those who don't know him, has made a name for himself based more on his addled delivery of odd observations. The observations, in and of themselves, are not so laugh-out-loud funny, the humor is almost entirely in the stunted, slow-paced delivery and his constant over-explanation. A classic bit goes "My apartment is infested with koala bears. It was the cutest infestation ever. When I turn on the light, they scatter, but I do not want them to. Don't run away. I want to hold you . . . and feed you a leaf." It's not so funny to read it - but to hear it, it's hilarious, and his own half-laughter following his jokes may technically be bad "comedy form" but he seems so amused at what comes out of his mouth you can't help but laugh along with him.
Hedberg toook to the stage clutching two red cups, the kind of red cups everyone knows are usually filled with the hard stuff, setting them down on a stool in the center of the stage. Starting into his routine, it was clear something was wrong. I figured he must have had a little too much of something backstage, and his continued and frequent sampling from the two cups only added to the problem. As time wore on, things got worse. Much worse.
After a short while, he began stumbling about the stage, stupefied, mumbling, delivering punchlines before the body of the joke, laughing for no reason, and at several points throughout the show, simply laid down in the center of the stage. Dangling the microphone over his mouth, he would giggle and sigh, commenting regularly that he couldn't remember his jokes. The audience egged him on, cheering, clapping, and laughing, tossing suggested bits into the air that he would half-heartedly attempt, then give up in more giggles. At several points I was certain he was on the verge of passing out as the microphone slipped out of his hand to clonk on the stage or on his face, but giggles would emerge again. When he did manage to stand, he approached an older woman at the side of the stage who encourage him to have a seat with her. The security guards approached to ward her off, but Hedberg stumbled off the stage to take a seat, and the woman proceeded to fetishize him, rubbing his hair, touching his clothes, and eventually the two engaged in a sickening makeout session that had the audience groaning and yelling.
Back on stage, Hedberg collapsed to the floor again in a completely incoherent mess. For an achingly long time he simply laughed, attempting to talk and slipping right back into laughter. Commenting that he liked drugs, especiallyXanax, but he was happy with anything, several small pills found their way to the stage, at least one of which he swallowed after mumbling "What is this?" He sat back down on the stage and became the picture of a drunken, washed up loser. Seats quickly began emptying, entire rows vacant, and at one point a man approached the stage with a card. Stumbling to him to retrieve the card, Hedberg read the contents aloud. "'Jesus loves you.' Not tonight, man, not after tonight."
Mumbling that the Celebrity Theater owner was going to be mad in light of a previous incoherent Tempe Improv show, he questioned his performance, lamenting it, repeatedly mumbling that he wanted to "end strong" - Stephen Lynch had started strong, he stated, and Lynch ended strong, and he wanted to not disappoint the fans. He was wrong on all counts, unfortunately. At best he could only end as weakly as he began, but even with shouted lines of bits from audience members he was unable to complete most of his jokes. Upon tossing off a well-worn bit, he simply threw his hands in the air in mock victory, and Al Madrigal jumped in to save the show's end.
This is Hedberg's peak. He will never again be as popular as he is right now, and he's simply throwing it away on drug abuse that he puts on display for his fans. There was next to nothing humorous about his performance - if anything, most people stayed to see if he would make it through his entire act, or, like gawking at a gory accident, stayed to see the slowly unfolding disaster. Unfortunately, that's exactly what we unwittingly paid for.
― cutty (mcutt), Thursday, 31 March 2005 22:33 (twenty-one years ago)
― kyle (akmonday), Thursday, 31 March 2005 22:38 (twenty-one years ago)
― cutty (mcutt), Thursday, 31 March 2005 22:44 (twenty-one years ago)
― earlnash, Thursday, 31 March 2005 23:37 (twenty-one years ago)
"They should have a store called Apartment Depot. It would be single guys standing around saying 'I don't have to fix shit'"
― tylero (tylero), Friday, 1 April 2005 00:27 (twenty-one years ago)
― jim wentworth (wench), Friday, 1 April 2005 03:14 (twenty-one years ago)
― retort pouch (retort pouch), Friday, 1 April 2005 03:26 (twenty-one years ago)
― Jess F, Friday, 1 April 2005 03:38 (twenty-one years ago)
― Amanda D, Friday, 1 April 2005 10:53 (twenty-one years ago)
― Nellie (nellskies), Friday, 1 April 2005 12:30 (twenty-one years ago)
Then I said that was from Mitch Hedberg, a hero of mine who just died from an apparant heroin overdose. "And now I'm gonna tell some jokes about drugs."
― Huk-L, Friday, 1 April 2005 14:02 (twenty-one years ago)
― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 1 April 2005 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)
― Huk-L, Friday, 1 April 2005 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)
― Vinnie (vprabhu), Friday, 1 April 2005 14:32 (twenty-one years ago)
― David Allen (David Allen), Friday, 1 April 2005 18:41 (twenty-one years ago)
― polyphonic (polyphonic), Friday, 1 April 2005 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)
― Huk-L, Friday, 1 April 2005 19:28 (twenty-one years ago)
― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 1 April 2005 19:30 (twenty-one years ago)
― cutty (mcutt), Friday, 1 April 2005 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)
― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 1 April 2005 19:34 (twenty-one years ago)
― Scott CE (Scott CE), Friday, 1 April 2005 20:04 (twenty-one years ago)
http://homemovies.toonzone.net/Yoko6.jpg
― sunburned and snowblind (kenan), Friday, 1 April 2005 20:08 (twenty-one years ago)
― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 1 April 2005 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)
― David Allen (David Allen), Friday, 1 April 2005 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)
― Scott CE (Scott CE), Friday, 1 April 2005 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)
― joseph (joseph), Sunday, 3 April 2005 00:32 (twenty-one years ago)
Mitch Hedberg 1968-2005 R.I.P
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."
― Nick Scott, Sunday, 3 April 2005 01:58 (twenty-one years ago)
― Curious George Finds the Ether Bottle (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 3 April 2005 02:00 (twenty-one years ago)
― marilyn garfinkel, Sunday, 3 April 2005 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Mitch_Hedberg
― Marilyn Garfinkel, Sunday, 3 April 2005 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)
― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Monday, 4 April 2005 05:20 (twenty-one years ago)
― MY FAVOURITE LIGHTER IS CHEESEBURGER (trigonalmayhem), Monday, 4 April 2005 12:31 (twenty-one years ago)
― David Allen (David Allen), Monday, 4 April 2005 13:14 (twenty-one years ago)
I just can't believe how many people died this week--The Pope, Terry Schiavo, Johnny Cochran, Mitch--and my own personal loss of my sister.
― Marilyn Garfinkel, Monday, 4 April 2005 21:48 (twenty-one years ago)
― 57 7th (calstars), Friday, 29 April 2005 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)
― 57 7th (calstars), Sunday, 9 October 2005 17:26 (twenty years ago)
― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 10 October 2005 13:23 (twenty years ago)
http://www.hedburgh.com/media.shtml
― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 10 October 2005 13:24 (twenty years ago)
― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 15:09 (twenty years ago)
B-b-but Mitch loved .38 Special!
― Huk-L (Huk-L), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 15:12 (twenty years ago)
― Rickey Wright (Rrrickey), Wednesday, 28 December 2005 19:08 (twenty years ago)
― Ned Raggett, Monday, 12 March 2007 05:21 (nineteen years ago)
5 years already
― StanM, Monday, 29 March 2010 18:51 (sixteen years ago)
was thinking about him yesterday when i was getting all wrapped up in my frustrations with this leaky bathroom faucet and imagining stepping foot into an Apartment Depot and wandering around with all the others who don't gotta fix shit
― iiiijjjj, Monday, 29 March 2010 19:03 (sixteen years ago)
how does that picture show up w/ images off?
― 51ocki (k3vin k.), Monday, 29 March 2010 19:04 (sixteen years ago)
saved by the buoyancy of citrus
― t(o_o)t (ENBB), Tuesday, 30 March 2010 02:34 (sixteen years ago)
Upthread, something almost spooky:
Does this mean Zach Galafanakis will be more popular now?― mitch dub (ano ano), Thursday, March 31, 2005 6:16 AM (4 years ago)
― mitch dub (ano ano), Thursday, March 31, 2005 6:16 AM (4 years ago)
― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 30 March 2010 02:41 (sixteen years ago)
Aziz Ansari pisses me off. His whole schtick is taken from Mitch...
― calstars, Tuesday, 30 March 2010 02:46 (sixteen years ago)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPu8453j1m8
man, can't believe it's been so long
― dayo, Monday, 15 November 2010 01:37 (fifteen years ago)
― calstars, Monday, March 29, 2010 10:46 PM (7 months ago) Bookmark
can't really stand that dude either but i have no idea where this comparison comes from.
― deej otm (some dude), Monday, 15 November 2010 01:44 (fifteen years ago)
deej otm otm
― ice cr?m, Monday, 15 November 2010 01:46 (fifteen years ago)
btw why is elvis costello hosting dave letterman
― ice cr?m, Monday, 15 November 2010 01:47 (fifteen years ago)
dave will be back this week i think
― overtheseas aeroplanes I have flown (k3vin k.), Monday, 15 November 2010 01:51 (fifteen years ago)
that one summer dave had a whole bunch of different random people doing guest host gigs. not sure if it was after his surgery or he just took some time off?
― deej otm (some dude), Monday, 15 November 2010 02:06 (fifteen years ago)
is that what all people from Minnesota sound like?
― make the Pagan Dad a Pagan Father. (Dr. Superman), Monday, 15 November 2010 02:32 (fifteen years ago)
u betcha
― ice cr?m, Monday, 15 November 2010 02:36 (fifteen years ago)
Mitch woulda been good at Twitter.
― make the Pagan Dad a Pagan Father. (Dr. Superman), Monday, 15 November 2010 02:40 (fifteen years ago)
finally, someone has put a name on the real tragedy here
― deej otm (some dude), Monday, 15 November 2010 02:45 (fifteen years ago)
i follow some sort of fucking comedy twitter that often has hedberg jokes including a couple from that letterman clip
― ice cr?m, Monday, 15 November 2010 02:45 (fifteen years ago)
love mitch, man...aziz ansari does not deserve to be mentioned in this thread
― calstars, Monday, 15 November 2010 03:34 (fifteen years ago)
Barely a week goes by where I don't think of his donut shop receipt joke. "“I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughtnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, 'Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".'”
― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 15 November 2010 03:41 (fifteen years ago)
supposedly after a Mitch bit one time, Letterman made reference to a gag he told later in the show. he never does that aparrantly and i've never seen him do that. anyone know what the line was? always wondered.
― piscesx, Monday, 15 November 2010 06:09 (fifteen years ago)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OpPftnc-5eI
― Cane it for the original white tees (admrl), Tuesday, 31 January 2012 05:52 (fourteen years ago)
Love this guy. I never was aware of him when he was alive, but I have been sort of obsessed with him recently.
― The Merch Seat (admrl), Wednesday, 25 July 2012 21:12 (thirteen years ago)
Every time I go to Subway and they ask "what kind of bread?" I have to stop myself from saying, "banana!". And that's not even his Subway joke!!
― Xerox of Fate, Thursday, 26 July 2012 01:21 (thirteen years ago)
I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.
― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Thursday, 26 July 2012 02:58 (thirteen years ago)
I was walking by a dry cleaner at 3 a.m., and it said "Sorry, we're closed." You don't have to be sorry. It's 3 a.m., and you're a dry cleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open.
― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Thursday, 26 July 2012 02:59 (thirteen years ago)
I got a question for ya, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks?
― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Thursday, 26 July 2012 03:03 (thirteen years ago)
i don't know how i feel about mitch hedberg in general but every time i see an escalator out of order sign his voice plays in my head
― thomp, Thursday, 26 July 2012 03:05 (thirteen years ago)
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana and I said no, but I want a regular banana later, so...yeah.
― cwkiii, Thursday, 26 July 2012 03:43 (thirteen years ago)
I think the first joke I ever told my daughter was the "and if you ever see red bananas, WATCH OUT."
My "think of Mitch every time" moment is when I see a vending machine with more letters than the alphabet. HH
― pplains, Thursday, 26 July 2012 04:09 (thirteen years ago)
"If you're in America and can convince someone that they're in Canada, you can get them to pay more for a magazine."
― to welcome jer.fairall, pie is served. (jer.fairall), Thursday, 26 July 2012 04:19 (thirteen years ago)
she said "that'll be $1.75." i said "it's for a duck." she said "oh well then it's free." see, i was not aware of this. ducks eat for free at subway. had i known this, i would have ordered a much larger sandwich. give me the steak fajita sub! but don't bother ringing it up -- it's for a duck! there are six ducks outside, and they all want sun chips!
― a hauntingly unemployed american (difficult listening hour), Thursday, 26 July 2012 04:24 (thirteen years ago)
what does a sesame seed grow into? i don't know, we never give 'em a chance! what the fuck is a sesame?
― cwkiii, Thursday, 26 July 2012 04:37 (thirteen years ago)
it's a STREET
it's a WAY TO OPEN SHIT
― a hauntingly unemployed american (difficult listening hour), Thursday, 26 July 2012 04:38 (thirteen years ago)
one more from me or i'll never stop:
i bought a smoke detector, but really it's just a 9 volt battery slowly draining.
"do you want to slowly get rid of your 9 volt batteries? THEN BUY THIS CIRCLE."
― cwkiii, Thursday, 26 July 2012 04:38 (thirteen years ago)
Yeah, I only discovered his stuff last winter, and then spent about a week listening to everything I could find readily on Youtube. "'What do you think of frilly toothpicks?' 'I'M FOR 'EM!'"
― *sad hug eomticon* (Control Z), Thursday, 26 July 2012 08:03 (thirteen years ago)
people on the 14th floor, you know what floor you're really on
― jabba hands, Thursday, 26 July 2012 09:48 (thirteen years ago)
x-post :D yesssssssss
― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Thursday, 26 July 2012 10:45 (thirteen years ago)
i was dying at the sandwich bit: "pastrami sandwich. anything else? yeah, a loaf of bread and some other people"
― diamonddave85, Thursday, 26 July 2012 14:38 (thirteen years ago)
'i don't have a girlfriend, i just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.'
― j., Saturday, 23 March 2013 08:13 (thirteen years ago)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kdjlSbWBzgc
the cinematography is endearingly amateur but there is lot of hedberisms in there , also a great use of a straw.
― Sébastien, Saturday, 23 March 2013 15:54 (thirteen years ago)
http://www.vice.com/read/the-comedy-community-talks-about-the-legacy-of-mitch-hedberg
― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 02:07 (eleven years ago)
i think bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem.
― flappy bird, Tuesday, 18 April 2017 04:01 (nine years ago)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2sZY9dbkMaY
― sleepingbag, Tuesday, 18 April 2017 04:22 (nine years ago)
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?Celebrating the 5th year anniversary of you asking me this question
― calstars, Saturday, 22 September 2018 18:27 (seven years ago)
We’ve got spaghetti. And blankets.
― faculty w1fe (silby), Saturday, 22 September 2018 18:58 (seven years ago)
An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You should never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs - Sorry for the Convenience."
― Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 22 September 2018 19:53 (seven years ago)
i think about that every time i see an escalator out of order in my building
― diamonddave85 (diamonddave85), Saturday, 22 September 2018 19:57 (seven years ago)
How can we eat at a time like this?
― MaresNest, Saturday, 22 September 2018 20:37 (seven years ago)
People are missing !
― calstars, Saturday, 22 September 2018 21:08 (seven years ago)
"I want to hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations I've traveled to, but first I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map, so it won't fall down."
― Elvis Telecom, Saturday, 22 September 2018 22:41 (seven years ago)
Goddamn he was good
― flappy bird, Saturday, 22 September 2018 22:56 (seven years ago)
one time he went to a party of the brother of a good friend of mine, got really fucked up and accidentally knocked the AC out of the window, but showed up first thing in the morning with a new one
― global tetrahedron, Saturday, 22 September 2018 23:04 (seven years ago)
Apex of menschiness
― faculty w1fe (silby), Sunday, 23 September 2018 02:09 (seven years ago)
<3
― wayne trotsky (Simon H.), Sunday, 23 September 2018 03:43 (seven years ago)
think about tus guy when i see ducks.
(usually I don't have bread)
― Ludo, Sunday, 23 September 2018 06:47 (seven years ago)
"When I was little, I used to lie in my twin bed and wonder where my brother was."
― Josh in Chicago, Friday, 24 October 2025 19:03 (eight months ago)