How do non-drinkers get laid?

Well, *I* don't. I don't know about anyone else.

Better question: how does ANYone get laid? Seriously.

(x-post)

...you know, I'd probably drink less if I got laid more. Spikes in drinking almost always correspond with dips in hott-action.

!!!

They don't!

Well, *I* don't. I don't know about anyone else.

Word.

I'm fairly convinced I would have more sex if I drank less.

See, it's this "hypnotize yourself" part that doesn't quite work for me. I need booze for that.

Well, *I* don't. I don't know about anyone else.

I don't drink and I've been laid. However, I've been laid and all I can say about how that happened is that, well, it was expected of me.

Dude, I'm only ever charming and coherent with someone I fancy when I'm a bit lubricated!

what i mean is, like, if you always drink in clubs, and parties... then that leaves sober getting laid happening at... work? the bus to work? chess club???!!? of course you will always tend to pull only while drunk.

One time I had sex with a gf and she was rip-roaring drunk but I wasn't (I'd been drinking, but I wasn't drunk). It was actually kind of embarassing, she was being 100X louder than normal and yelling all sorts of weird things. The lesson, I suppose, is don't ever have sex with anyone considerably more or less drunk than you.

xpost

this is not embarassing, this is called "FUN"

SOH-CAH-TOA!!!!!!!!!!

the OMG there would have totally ruined the moment.

Dude, about that...

you make having everyone in your building thinking you are awesome in bed sound like a bad thing.

Although, if she was screaming trig than she probably did sound like a Bad Thing.

ah, fun with sentence diagrams...

Wow! I was gonna post that.

Getting laid is so easy in this town, it's boring. There are dumb and dashing and desperate characters everywhere - and observing the game of one of my friends, all you need is fake business cards that say "VH1" on them in some capacity. Or a sense of humor. But it's not a challenging game any longer...the finding-ppl-to-relationship-with seems infinitely harder, unsurprisingly. I want to find out people's harmonic charts now if I think they're attractive, not lick their honeyballs or have sex with them.

WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

I never get laid sober. If you kids have figured out how to do it, do tell. Seriously.

1) call up spencer chow, and make an appointment to be a member of his "posse" on a certain night in the MIDDLE of the week (tue-thurs only)...ie, "midweek." plan your trip accordingly.

2) visit LA. stay anywhere but the motel 6 on my street (i dont want anymore damn tourists here!!).

3) buy a pink shirt, or iron the one u brought from home (YES PINK. ESPECIALLY if you're a hetero man...weho-res don't wear pink anymore, its out...but for str8 hipsters here, it's "in")

4) call spencer chow's assistant again to confirm your plans

5) travel with him in your pink shirt and preferably dark colored blazer to hipsterfied gathering, and set your sights on someone in the posse-the-Chow-posse-is-shmoozing-with, who will predictably have Jenny-Lewisesque hair. avoid females wearing ponchos. britney-spearsy "train conductor" hats and hip-hop / newsieboy caps are okay, since that is so 2002 and these are NOT Lewisettes/hipsters, but are trying to be and are thus dumb and desperate and right up your alley.

6) try to be funny, witty or charming in your interaction with the Lewisette you've chosen...or at the very least, carry some gum and a cig lighter on you, and wait until you can "light her fire" when she asks...talk about how much you "never" come to this place, wherever you're at, but emphasize how you "prefer dive bars" instead of going anywhere celebities might be present. if, of course, there _is_ one present there, act as blase to the fact as possible to the fact, unless, of course, it's Jenny Lewis.

7) in keeping with the ethos of this thread, offer to buy hipsterette- Lewisette a drink, but _don't_ get drunk yourself. have one beer, but drink slowly. chew gum. IMPORTANT: COMPLIMENT your target on your byootiful her generic indie get-up is, and that you think that "hey, i love your hair...IT LOOKS JUST LIKE JENNY LEWIS." try to say this as authentically as you can.

i know that is the hard...but thats the hardest part. hang in there.

8) talk about how much you love spencer chow, and what great friends you are from back in the crazy raving-palladium days. DON'T mention "the internet." don't mention "myspace." don't mention "lightning bolt" or "sage francis" either. don't mention that you're from out of town. when asked where you're from, say "my family lives in the palisades, but i got my own place in echo park." (you can substitute "echo park" with "koreatown" or some downtown intersection, say "3rd and spring," ..use the word "loft" at least twice here).

9) when asked what you do, invariably answer with either non-descript industry job like "independent producer," "editor," etc - but drop in a big name in there, like, say, "dreamworks" or "ICM" - ...or "photographer," "graphic designer" etc (just saying artist won't do, since everyone here is pretending to be one). if you're feeling creative, combine the two: "well i'm a photographer, even though my dad works at CAA and wanted me to continue in his footsteps there," etc. if she looks like a hooker-waitress ie "actress" - and she most likely is - ASK first if thats what she may be..if she says no, you may have someone you might actually want to get in a genuine conversation with here (don't have to 'fess up to your lies though, still just play it cool.) but if she says "yes, i moved out here from montana to act..." yadda yadda now you know your game isn't that hard. and if you haven't already mentioned your profession, now you must casually say you're "a junior agent at paradigm." if your target looks suspiciously overindie, substitute big industry names with proper nouns like "Rhino," "Ameoba," etc.

10) when you are certain you have your slightly intoxicated prey's attention ...all of a sudden, look bored. conspicuously gaze and make eye-contact with another Lewisette in the group..perhaps even smile at her and introduce yourself, and make sure your original Lewisette sees it. when she begins to sense she might have some competition, she will move in closer to you if you've been doing things right.

11)when this happens, stay cool - don't seem too eager - but smile benevolently and make a lighthearted-yet-complimentary joke at spencer chow's expense, like "isn't spencer chow such a r0ckstar? he's so popular..." if she laughs, move in even closer to her and put your hand on her shoulder to test the waters. if things still look good, make another spencer chow reference, but one that's in your favor, like: "i can't believe he asked to borrow another one of my blazers tonight! the kid has so many of his own." at this point, your Lewisette will glance again at spencer chow - who will doubtlessly be dressed to the nines - and then should look back admiringly at you. put your arm around her at this point...you're almost there. obv, you should have been using body language anyway this whole time..

12) "seal the deal" - accompany your Lewisette to wherever the spencer chow posse may be going..just ask if she wants to come along, and if you've been doing evrything right, she should be. don't look too excited or thrilled though, since you never know what will happen until anything really does. try not to take your arm off of her though, once you've put it on her and she's accepted it. develop comfortability in your physical contact. don't make bad jokes at this point. in fact, try to talk as little as you can...let her do the talking. just maintain the physical contact.

13) after you "get adventuous" with your Lewisette (argh no more RK references I promise!), rinse your cock and repeat

see...just that easy!

urgent and key.

OTM

of course sober laid can happen with say friends/work colleagues who have fancied each other for ages, etc.

Surely booze is even more necessary here, to get over that ever-growing first hurdle?

depends how much you fancy each other, really.

am planning to investigate the thread title further in the near future.

Man, now I see Spencer marketing a line of chewing tobacco, which surely is the most *non*-Spencer-like thing in the universe.

I'll add it to my list.

These days I associate booze consumption with falling asleep rather than getting jiggy.

i've tried drunken antics. it was like trying to put a worm back into his hole.

i'll stick with the sober method.

i associate it with taking the pain away, even just briefly

^^^

oh spencer...

Non-drinkers don't get laid and some of us aren't even bitter about it.

I think they get married.

bill magill to thread?

ian riese-moraine had a novel approach, i believe

"hey, i love your hair...IT LOOKS JUST LIKE JENNY LEWIS." try to say this as authentically as you can.

Jesus.

my roommate doesn't drink ever and he gets laid enough! he just finds other sxe ppl i guess and then they talk abt veganness or bicycles or something and... well i don't think about it too much but it happens.

After I started this thread I've had a couple of relationships with people who don't drink or drank only little (which of course meant that I didn't get drunk either when I was with them), and it turned out it wasn't that difficult to get things rolling even if I wasn't drunk. It just takes a bit longer to summon up the courage to make your moves. But I'm not a young lad anymore, so I'm okay with things being slower.

Thanks for the advice old man...

No prob, the way I see it it's my duty to spread my hard-earned knowledge to the next generation of horndogs.