cupcake of failure

taco salad!

(xp cheater)

$34 and not a penny less

'...my favorite chocky.'

(Dan: go here and scroll down to the comment section.)

this cinnamon roll isn't worthy of a trade. if it were a cinnabon, perhaps...

TO OPERATION CUPCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"

TO OPERATION CUPCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"

that's what they said to martha stewart when she was incarcerated.

otm. fucking cupcake.

http://www.sprinklescupcakes.com/images/order_21.gif

(Somebody else here used that metaphore just a few days ago, and I'm using it too because I like it...I like to watch it rot, as Jonathan Richman might say.)

ooh, you don't eat a cupcake like that, you touch your face with it like a powderpuff.

http://www.sprinklescupcakes.com/images/press_18.jpg

I think that's for the gift box, which, you'll note "includes 1 dozen cupcakes." So if you buy the box, the cupcakes are, um, free!

http://www.ukstudentlife.com/Britain/Food/Cooking/Trifle/Trifle.jpg

Requins aux chocolate en crème anglaise?

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v222/biondino/cupcake.jpg

The birthday girl stopped me, and said that she should choose which one she wanted since it was her birthday. "Okay", I said. I reached across, took the pink cupcake and gave it a big slobbery lick, then put it back on the plate. "Which one do you want NOW?"

I wasn't a particularly nice child.

Maybe it ran away.

Okay, the petit-fours of pettiness or nothing.

You have dwelt on this subject too long.

http://i42.tinypic.com/2dmf7yd.gif

:(

wtf?

saw that on the soup. heartbreaking.

someone please xplain

The dog kept eating stuff off the counter and other things that he wasn't supposed to consume. This "Dog Whisperer" knock-off came in and brainwashed the animal. The final shot (this) is proof that the Australian Shepard is now fully domesticated and will stay away from cupcakes (until the cameras leave the kitchen.)

Dog is trying to pass his final exam in Soul-Crushing Obedience to the Man and NO TREATS. (xp)

the anguish in those dog eyes

The dog is learning self-control; it is a good thing

Although obviously not-rushing the food in an obvious training situation is a hell of a different thing from not-rushing food when you're alone with it

looks hypnotized. thought he had fake eyes at first!

xposts

i love how much he wants those cupcakes - what a bro

oh it's a clock back there! it thought the dude had liberty spikes the first like three times i watched that

Oh god, I just realized that's a clock behind that dude's head and not his hair.
XPOST!

ha ha!

There is a line in a Truman Capote story, describing a dog staring at unavailable food, that seems appropriate here -- the relevant phrase is A TRANCE OF GREED

oh ffs.

If you watch "It's me or the dog" please answer this!!?
okay lately when i have been watching animal planet I see a commercial for "Its Me or the Dog". The commercial shows what looks like an australian shepherd that's trying to eat a cupcake. The commercial always says next Saturday at 9. But, when I watch it's me or the dog the next saturday at 9 it's of a different breed. OKAY so my question is has anyone ever seen the commercial I'm talking about?? Has any watched the episode of "It's Me Or The Dog" with an australian shepherd?? If not, do you know WHEN it will be on???? The reason I want to watch this episode so bad is because I have an australian shepherd with some behavior problems and I want to see if this episode can help me. Also, I just think australian shepherds are the best dogs in the world so I just want to see it. PLEASE HELP!! Thank You!

wtf that poor dog got the 1000 yard stare

that dog has seen things

haha seriously y'all, don't feel bad for a dog having to learn not to eat everything in front of it! it improves the dog's life and safety!

i've seen things people wouldn't believe

there's "learning" and then there's "you're not cured yet, boy"

man that dog trainer woman is annoying

Yeah, I have yet to see a dog trainer on TV who doesn't bug me -- maybe there's a personality thing happening where non-weird people don't want to spend all their time trying to teach things to dogs. (I guess also a thing where English people who teach you stuff on TV are supposed to be scary and weird?)

Although I did watch one episode of something called "Underdog to Wonderdog," about rehabilitating shelter dogs, and the trainer seemed generally normal.

nabisco (shouldn't it really be dolly madison in this thread?) otm. Despite the distressing look in the dogs eyes - and I wouldn't underestimate the degree to which projection is at work here - those are the cupcakes of success!

Know what his name is?

Stains

>>and I wouldn't underestimate the degree to which projection is at work here

dogs aren't exactly the most enigmatic creatures though are they. they're pretty easy to read. for example this one says help they have taken my soul and in its place is a bitter poison that pinches and twists when i feel happiness

ruff ruff

no staples! bad staples!

> help they have taken my soul and in its place is a bitter poison that pinches and twists when i feel happiness

Oh come on. We're not seeing the scene two seconds later when Stains is praised for being a good dog. I'll bet he looks just fine then.

that dog will never taste the exhiliration of a stolen cupcake again, poor bastard

not off-topic

help they have taken my soul and in its place is a bitter poison that pinches and twists when i feel happiness

^^ this is dog for "OMG CUPCAKES OMGOMG WANT CUPCAKES PLEASE CAN I HAVE CUPCAKES LOOK AT THEM OMG LOOK AT THE CUPCAKES WANT THE CUPCAKES OMG THEY NEED TO BE IN MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW THE CUPCAKES DO OMG LET ME PLEASE LET ME PLEASE CUPCAKES PLEASE"

which will quickly be followed by "YES I'M GOOD THANK YOU YES DO I GET A TREAT NOW PLEASE I WAS GOOD PLEASE A TREAT NOW PLEASE"

which will quickly be followed by "MY SACK ITCHES EXCUSE ME FOR A MOMENT WHILE I LICK THEM BECAUSE WHAT'S INTERESTING IS THAT ZZZZZZZZZZ"

I miss a puppy

i don't get that from that particular dog i gotta say. still, lols.

but really? fuck these dog owners. this is an aussie shepherd we're talking about here, if the owners didn't want a dog that would steal their cupcakes and be generally mischeivous they should have chosen a breed less willful, less intelligent, and unable to reach kitchen counters. i feel bad for this dog not only because he's been brainwashed by a tv dog psychic or some shit, but because they didn't take their lifestyle into account when getting a dog and/or didn't give a fuck whether they could give him adequate training

i would only get an aussie shepherd if i had like 10 acres of land for it to run around on and rabbits to chase

and only if you made cupcakes nightly.

i saw a show where these people gave their border collie some random job like keeping geese off the lawn or something i dont even remember anyway the dog was so psyched to hav something productive to do

someone told me that when they had a baby their border collie would just herd him instinctively - keep him from crawling off the blanket at the park by just nudging gently w/her nose - and it was really helpful

totally, like lhasa apso's have to guard their master's while they sleep and border collies have to herd shit around and aussie shepherds have to devour all the food on the counter

dog needs to know his limits

Train Stains to make the cupcakes. Stains has a job and the family has cupcakes.

factoid: did u know lhasa apsos were bread basically just to wake up the mastiffs who are heavy sleepers in case of danger

someone get brownie his own dog training show stat

Intelligent dogs, especially bigger ones, get really depressed unless they have something to do and an opportunity to just be dogs. A friend of mine has a chocolate lab, and he and his family are always yelling at the poor thing because it's antsy, bored, and neurotic. If people want to get a family dog that fits in with their lifestyle, they need to buy 'em small and dumb.

dogs w/jobs is a really sweet show

lhasa's r cuet, like teddy baer

It's like, you've got this big, smart animal that is offering you the closest thing to unconditional love and service that you'll ever get in life, and all you do is yell and smack it with a newspaper because it wants your attention when you'd rather watch TV? Fuck that.

(xpost)

lack of exercise is a hueg issue w/pet dogs

"don't hit dogs"

i felt bad for that dog until i realized, maybe he's just a dick

More like "Stains has a job and the family Stains has cupcakes."

"now that i can make my own cupcakes i dont really need you, family"

It's like, you've got this big, smart animal that is offering you the closest thing to unconditional love and service that you'll ever get in life, and all you do is yell and smack it with a newspaper because it wants your attention when you'd rather watch TV?

This is exactly why I cannot have a dog!

Hey, at least you've figured that out in advance. I don't think anyone who lives in a city should have a big dog anyway, unless they're independently wealthy and can afford to do right by it.

Really, having a dog -- at least a medium/big one -- is like having a kid. If a person's not willing to change their lifestyle to accommodate one, they shouldn't have one.

uh. acquaintences of mine just got a chocolate lab puppy...they live in a MAYBE 1000 square ft condo and they both work all day. as i understand it they keep him in a kennel when they go out. apparently this is not uncommon, which makes me even more sad and angry and wanting to hug a puppy.

Yeah, I mean I enjoy dogs in theory but I do feel the obligations you owe to them are such that I don't think I'm fit to have one. Which works out all around except that I guess one possible adopted dog doesn't have a home, but it wouldn't like living with me anyway.

BIG dogs are find being not necessarily extremely active -- ask sunny or PP! But medium-sized working dogs will murder your sanity (and your household objects) in a hot second if you don't give them something to do.

if the owners didn't want a dog that would steal their cupcakes and be generally mischeivous they should have chosen a breed less willful, less intelligent, and unable to reach kitchen counters

Elmo this is freaking insane -- there is no breed of dog so special that it does not bear teaching what things it can have and what things it can't.

I mean, whatever, bag on these people for having a dog they weren't in a position to train effectively themselves, I don't care. But the idea that any dog is above teaching not to take stuff it shouldn't have is just ... I can't believe you actually mean this.

yeah but i guess the thing that always confuses is me is why you wouldn't want to go do fun stuff w/yr big fun dog anyway? "giving them something to do" sounds like a good opportunity to hang with yr doggy buddy

Full disclosure: I say that as someone who is currently teaching a dog to

1. not take food until someone says it's okay (this is pretty easy)
2. when fetching, bring the item all the way back to my hand, instead of dropping it just out of arm's reach (this is, for some reason, proving harder)

also i think maybe there is something to be said for two dogs actually being better than one, if you have the room/$$$/patience. do it right and eventually they sorta entertain each other?

btw i ran by the dog park the other day it's always a treat to see how TOTALLY FUCKING BANANAS dogs are about getting to play with other dogs. like you have never seen a creature so enthusiastic about anywhere on earth

yeah but nabisco does your dog stare into the abyss when you make a sandwich?

i think elmo is just voicing general surprise at the kinds of owners who tend to show up on these shows with these huge playful dogs looking all surprised that their beast wants to eat cupcakes and furniture have have sex with chairs and stuff like they just dont get it... i dont know if this couple is like that but the fact that they hired a dog psychic instead of having a better plan in place from when they first bought the dog may mean that they werent really thinking the purchase thru

i mean i wouldnt say u cant or shouldnt train a big dog but like--im not gonna get a big dog w/out it being clear to me that this dog is big and wants to eat shit all the time and play and kill sheep or whatever, and therefore the training is going to be difficult and slow and will require patience and not wideeyed surprise that my horse dog ate my six yr old

(gbx, I think the problem is that the activity has to be done pretty much daily, and I suspect that some people get active dogs without having really, really thought through what it means to have to take like 45 minutes of your life like every day, no matter what, to do doggy stuff -- it's not like it's easy)

max, yeah, that's what I mean about elmo not meaning what he's saying -- yeah, most everyone showing up on "it's me or the dog" has made some kind of bad dog-related decision somewhere along the line, but it's not like big dogs are just too freaking cool to be taught not to snatch stuff off counters.

http://www.betanews.com/article/Future_of_Android_Cupcake_update_uncertain/1232660368

does your dog stare into the abyss when you make a sandwich?

Haha thanks to good training, he just comes up next to your chair and acts like a little kid the week before Christmas -- lots of really prim, exaggerated "look how obedient I am" stuff, accompanied by the "I am cute, give me food" face. (If he is lying down and you look at him, he will shuffle up into a sit, since sitting might = treat; if he is sitting and you look at him, he will lie down, since lying down might = treat; etc.)

see that's awesome. whatever's going on in that 2 sec gif i don't really know but if the degree of training/soulcrushing that seems to have taken place is required then the dog prob shouldn't be in that situation

^^ he seems to have effectively learned that his standing-up paw-waving begging dance is wrong and undignified when human-food is involved, and should be reserved for amusing neighborhood children

not equating training & soulcrushing except for bud upthread to be clear

xpost - hahaha yeah seriously, don't project too much here, this is not like some horrible soulcrushing experiment -- it is a dog who wants the cupcakes and is learning it can't have them, no big deal ...

ideally they will continue to teach it that until such point as it shows no interest in the cupcakes in the first place, and maybe if they get totally insane about impulse control they can teach it to do that trick where it balances a treat on its nose until someone says it's okay to eat.

but his eyes!

btw im reading your 2nd to last post like 4 different ways and one of them involves you feeding amusing children to your dog :/

nabisco, i'm of the opinion that if the dog has not been properly trained you shouldn't blame the dog for following its instincts (OM NOM NOM) or for acting out because it is crazy depressed from being cooped up inside an apartment all day -- regarding the choice of dog breed, i feel for this dog because they are naturally willful and intelligent breed and if the owners aren't willing to own up to their failure as dog parents (evidenced by their appearance on a "FIX MY BAD DOG" show -- then, fuck them, it's their fault

if the owners didn't want a dog that would steal their cupcakes and be generally mischeivous they should have chosen a breed less willful, less intelligent, and unable to reach kitchen counters

Oh indeed. We have two shelties, and they are willful and intelligent and would LOVE to swipe cupcakes. Thankfully they are also only about 18 inches high, so kitchen counters are well out of their reach. My best friend's sheltie, though, will climb up onto a sofa, and then jump onto a coffee table, and from there jump onto a wide windowsill and walk the length of it to steal stuff. He's super agile and super smart and evil.

if the dog has not been properly trained you shouldn't blame the dog for following its instincts (OM NOM NOM) or for acting out because it is crazy depressed from being cooped up inside an apartment all day

Uh, no shit, dude -- I'm not sure who bothers "blaming" a dog for anything anyway -- but teaching a dog impulse control is not blaming, it is part of what you are referring to as "proper training."

i feel for this dog because they are naturally willful and intelligent breed and if the owners aren't willing to own up to their failure as dog parents (evidenced by their appearance on a "FIX MY BAD DOG" show -- then, fuck them, it's their fault

I don't really care about the owners, but this doesn't make any sense to me -- I feel like doing a show where you invite a professional into your home to show you how to deal with your dog is kinda the definition of "owning up to your failure as dog parents," isn't it? You are asking someone to come show you how to care for your dog properly.

I haven't watched this show but I thought the entire point of all of these shows was to make the people on them feel like failures as well as getting the dogs under control...? That's the way the nanny shows are, anyway.

my friend's evil sheltie. he just looks like trouble:
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/96/255810564_a085d46df5_m.jpg

My dog, by the way, now spends his day with the other sheltie at my grandparents 20 acre farm, and is the most ridiculously happy little guy. He just follows them around the fields all day, rides in the tractor, thinks he runs the place. He was always OK being a city dog, but he visibly loves the farm so much I feel bad when he doesn't get to go.

omg I just remembered the Talk Soup clip of the crazy Eastern European woman with the dog that would bite her vagina, must find

P.S., I'm pretty sure this is a basic impulse-control exercise. Show the dog something it wants, then reward it for not pouncing. Show the dog something it wants, then teach it a word that means "okay NOW you can have it." I think dogs are actively happier when they learn this stuff, because there's not this huge uncertainty about what they're allowed to have, and you're not getting upset with them all the time -- they know certain things are theirs and certain things are yours, and if they want your stuff they should ask you. (They are also safer, since they won't go stealing any kind of food that'll choke them or ruin their kidneys or anything!)

dogs

omg I just remembered the Talk Soup clip of the crazy Eastern European woman with the dog that would bite her vagina, must find

holy shit

[i]P.S., I'm pretty sure this is a basic impulse-control exercise. Show the dog something it wants, then reward it for not pouncing. Show the dog something it wants, then teach it a word that means "okay NOW you can have it."[i]

Yeah, definitely. "not yours" is incredibly handy. We just say "ok" when we give the dogs something that they can have or if something falls on the floor that's fair game. So I guess that works.

ilx is all dogged out

Yeah, I think "okay" in special enthusiastic dog-voice is the industry-standard command on that one.

(I remember being surprised to learn that "touch" has replaced the dog's name and "c'mere" for a lot of people, but it really does make things easier.)

http://tralleroreiser.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/dogs-playing-poker.jpg

http://i42.tinypic.com/2qu5jle.gif

omg that gif