russell brand - C or D?

i admire his skinniness.

xpost

http://football.guardian.co.uk/worldcup2006/comment/story/0,,1794532,00.html

I love the way he drops arcane words into his speech and he's the only person I've heard who's used the crack is moreish gag and made it work.

unfortunately saying '...the SWINE' has crept into my stock of lame tv-derived catchphrases.

example of brilliance: on the caption competition, the screen came up and instead of a caption it just said "winning caption". brand said it was a conceptual ploy a la derrida (or words to funnier effect). that's quick thinking, for a crackhead.

he's on bbbm and...?

side-point: dermot and bblb have really gone off the boil.

I echo this post entirely: "I am torn between thinking he's very funny and thinking he's an irritating nob end. He's probably both. "

I basically don't like him, yet find myself laughing at him.

He needs to become the new presenter of a revived Blankety Blank on BBC prime time.

he should be ok then?

ailsa OTM.

DANDIES HAVWE TO BE WELL-DRESSED

BRAND LOOKS LIKE A TRAMP WITH A SCARF

oh me neither in all seriousness, i just thought it was a nice comical image.

IMPORTANT RIDER: LEGS NEED TO BE GOOD IN FIRST PLACE

Note to self: Search for the stem word 'dand' in future.

However he is very, very good at hosting BB'sBM. Given how many times it's on a week I am impressed that he can keep coming up with new iterations of not just the ballbags/SWINE link, but also "So-and-so is perfectly happy to do such-and-such, but when I suggested it would be quite good to see Aisleyne and Grace wrestling in crude oil in the middle of a desert, they looked at me like I was no better than Gary Glitter...", and the one that goes "Get in touch with us the way the Daily Mail gets in touch with asylum seekers, except use a phone instead of creating a hysterical climate of fear and distrust"...

'... in the way the sun gets in touch with world cup supporters, only with a phone instead of advocating a fifa-inpired kristallnacht on all those who don't have a flag coming out of every orifice' (or something).

But yeah, he's a twunt.

he SHOULD be a twunt but somehow isn't.

He's funny and annoying in equal measures. I think I mostly like him.

Also that Derrida joke mentioned upthread was insane. Who else would be that quick.

"And then throughout the interview he kept making shocking remarks that I can't even repeat. Just uttering the words would make me blush."

Well I do declare!

yeah it's kind of unnerving when you see him visibly turn off the zany tap when he cuts to break and the camera lingers on the set for a second longer

anyway, on charlie brooker's screenwipe t'other week there was a mock talent show audition -- and there he was! desperate.

kind of gives you an insight into... something.

It was rubbish though.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/guide/images/400/kennyeverett_3.jpg

I didn't watch his programme though. Is it repeated?

Rod Stewart was nice to the civillians too, but he kept his distance a bit more than RB.

can someone remind me of the good bits?

keeps a cat, which for a vegetarian is like Wilberforce keeping a cannibal slave.

Sounds also like she wants to give Mick Farren a second chance. He's been on ILx you know.

Worried that if people found out she would be murdered in a drive-by shooting like what happened to Diana Rigg, obv.

And Pam Grier.

Russell Brand's Ponderland on Channel 4 has been the funniest thing on TV for a long, long time.

^ban

In Bed With MeDinner for 15-year-old girls

In Bed With MeDinner for 15-year-old girls with jokes.

In Bed With MeDinner > all other comedy of the past 20 years.

Fuck me, I must've been watching something else then.

http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s236/mezxspectrum/HarryHillsmallerrordiffusion.gif

i have been enjoying it too (as i mentioned elsewhere, and to my surprise) and had spotted the similarity to medinner (the public information films, for instance).

i like that he is not afraid to mock himself - he showed footage of his arrest, his clip from the bill, and him singing along with hammers fans (whilst recounting the stories behind them all). he does strike me as a cross between ross noble and noel fielding.

RUSSELL BRAND has always hero-worshipped MORRISSEY - and now his dreams have come true with an invite to be in his idol’s next promo.

Russell told me: “I’m off to LA to be in Morrissey’s video for a couple of days - mad, isn’t it?”

Not at all, Russell. At least you won’t c*** it up like the numbskull from the NME.

Russell’s also making a documentary on the ex-SMITHS star - a nerve-wracking gig keeping the Manc misery-guts happy.

It’s a task that would definitely cause the dinkle to shrink in fear.

fyi i was smoking crack in 2006

Brand and Moz can talk about Celebrity Big Brother 2007 together.

oscar brand

i like the programme he does on more 4 at the moment. his anecdote about trying to ask out one of the williams sisters was really funny (and endearing, just cos hes so honest).

Charlie Brooker had a piece defending him in the last Guardian guide (which opened with Brooker admitting that all his friends were egging him on to tear into Brand when they heard he was writing a column on him).

I still haven't LOL'd at any Russell Brand, though. I can appreciate that he's clearly very clever (did Dennis Miller ever make it to the UK? Miller is a reference point for Brand, which is... not a good thing), and his redemption tale is impressive, but no laffs for me.

I can appreciate that he's clearly very clever

Not that clearly

No, I guess you're right, but I think even detractors can admit he's pretty quick.

TV Burp > Ponderland > TV Offal >>>>>>> In Bed With FattyUnfunnyMoreLike

No, I guess you're right, but I think even detractors can admit he's pretty quick.

-- Savannah Smiles, Thursday, 20 December 2007 14:48 (21 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

WAU

Care to share some examples of Brand adlibs, SS?

Didn't seem too quick on "Have I Got News..."

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7508863.stm

Loathe as I am to cite the 'you wouldn't think it was funny if it was your family being attacked, Mr Brand' but...

I thought this thread was going to be about sports jerseys and shit

http://www.coloradocrush.com/resources/img/news/Russell-%20large.jpg

loath

I hear there's an Northampton ILX poster who looks like an unsuccessful rapist. Maybe I should call the police.

OK, I'm in Northampton until further notice. What is good to do in Northampton?

-- Masonic Boom, Thursday, 3 July 2008 12:04 (1 week ago) Bookmark Link

Ek, he's fugly.

-> Clearly a sign I'm no longer "with it"

what, a right pointing arrow?

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/bizarre/article1858875.ece

Best comedy in the world

Russell Brand has the demeanour of someone who is getting absolutely raped by his agent on royalties. Would any of ILX's namedrop kliq care to comment?

Crime expert and ex-Flying Squad chief John O’Connor yesterday said the “jokes” were “criminal”.

That's a bizarre sentence to just drop in the middle of the story, I don't know exactly why.

Georgina was said to be “mortified”.

I should think so too. They are horrible knickers.

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00628/SNN2703GX1_280_628992a.jpg
(nsfw)

arghh put the warning BEFORE the link. lol.

Wow @ that story, what a horrible, obnoxious asshole if it's true.

So the BBC has four choices about what to do next:

1) do nothing
2) punish Brand
3) punish Ross
4) punish Brand and Ross

Obviously they're not going to do anything to upset their £18M/yr star player Wossy, and they can't be seen to be taking no action at all, so it's out into the wilderness for Brand.

Or just apologise and see it if blows over.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7692911.stm

I don't think Brand's apology is going to cut it though...

"I would like to take this opportunity to issue a personal Russell Brand apology to Andrew Sachs, the great comic actor who played Manuel, for a message Jonathan and I left on his answerphone, but it was quite funny,"

Somebody should punch him in the nuts.

Well yesterday the BBC were claiming that they hadn't even received a complaint from Sachs. Today they're all "sorry sorry sorry sorry". Brand's apology kind of misses the point - it's not the swearing, it's saying "lol I shagged your grand-daughter".

And as for saying the Daily Mail is a right wing reactionary load of tosh, well fair enough, it is - but Russ son they'll be gunning for you now.

Hard to decide who is the bigger cunt, normally Ross would win this contest hands down but Russ is coming up on the rails

Yeah, nobody slaps the wonderful Manuel about the head oh wait...

I would like it if Cleese were to weigh in on this now.

I don't think he even likes to be reminded of 'Manuel' does he? Or maybe that was a long time ago and now he looks back fondly on it?

Sachs that is, altho' probably Cleese as well.

Hmm, the Daily Mail are going after a different angle...

i.e. their usual one. Look at these shocking photos! And we've got more!

the daily mail REEEEEEEALLY hates women, doesn't it?

how in the world does someone like jonathan ross become anyone's "£18m star player"? i seriously can't discern anything about him which could make him that popular?

I think it's more that middle class women hate women and the Daily Mail is more than happy to play to their needs.

xp

lexotm

I just cottoned on to this whole thread. Dud. Definitely dud.

In the same bag as Simon Amstell and Fearne thingy off GMTV.

"£18m star player"

Lex, I was being sarcastic - £18M over three years, £6M a year? Did you see him taking the piss out of Daniel Craig on Friday? "If you give me your watch, I'll give you this drinks coaster with a picture of Ricky Gervais on it"

no i know you were being sarcastic but presumably the bbc thinks he's worth that, and he has the ratings to back it up...which is what i'm wtf about.

"If you give me your watch, I'll give you this drinks coaster with a picture of Ricky Gervais on it"

i mean eg i don't even know what's supposed to be funny about this?

he is suggesting that the coaster is as valuable as the watch!!!!!!!!!

No you don't understand, Ricky Gervais coaster is the name of my dog!

That's worth 18 million quid of anyone's money(xp)

how much did they used to pay Wogan? and he didn't even need a desk

Anyone mentioned the licence fee yet?

how much did they used to pay Wogan?

Far too much

I remember thinking Jonathan Ross was OK but that was in 1988 or somnething.

i think he can be funny. but he's not worth £6m of the license fee each year, especially when the beeb is stripping back its news department. if ross is worth that on the open market, let itv or channel 4 or sky pay it.

Ross was new in 1988, and OK in 1990. He is abysmal and unbearable now.

I find it bizarre that a 47-year-old married man, and father of 2 or 3 or whatever, could partake in this disgusting, scumbag activity. But one should not be surprised by anything, re. Ross and Brand. They are scumbags. They lazily mock others, they sail the BBC and British culture into the gutter, they pick up huge salaries for it, and they laugh. They are scum.

I'd be surprised if any of this actually took place at all.

But hey, It's A Good Story and it gets Andrew Sachs publicity!

Still, his wife _does_ have amazing tits.

Ross, not Sachs.

I have no idea what Sachs' wife looks like.

I foresee a career revival for 78-year-old Sachs off the back of this episode

presenting Bargain Hunt

Why were they wanting him on Russell Brand's show in the first place if it wasn't for "lol he shagged your grand-daughter" related roffles?

...

it's good that he got to have sex with that girl though

then he let us sniff his finger

I mean, obviously that was the only reason they phoned him, but doesn't he have an agent or something? Why on earth would Andrew Sachs, who IMDB tells me hasn't done anything for ages, think going on Russell Brand's show was going to be about him?

I really don't think this is about raising Sachs profile.

Quite possibly Andrew Sachs doesn't know who Brand is beyond some basic recognition of his face & name, I mean Sachs is an old guy.

my sachs profile was certainly raised looking at pictures of the granddaughter

bdoom tish

No, it was about having a cheap laugh at his expense. Which they did. And were going to whether he complied or was involved, I imagine. I just don't quite get why he initially said he would appear as a guest on, of all things, Russell Brand's show. Is he doing the rounds of the chat shows for any reason just now?

xxpost that's why I was wondering about his agent's role in all of this.

has russell brand got a daughter yet?

Probably.

poor things

He shoots blanks. I think I'll phone up Jonathan Ross and tell him this.

http://www3.waterstones.com/wat/images/nbd/m/21/9780593060827.jpg
Why do you say these things Wossy? Because 1) you have a big mouth and an overinflated sense of importance, 2) you have shit writers (three of whom are pictured on the cover of the above book), 3) somehow the BBC thinks you're worth £6M a year. A potty mouthed radio show, a mediocre film review show, and a chat show where you don't actually let the interviewees get a word in edgeways? "Friday Night with Jonathan Ross" is a long step down from "Parkinson", or even that Bentley totalling edjit Wogan. The BBC is unaware that they could show anything on a Friday night and people would watch. But soon they're going to realise that they could stick Alan Titchmarsh in that chair and save a whole load of money.

i vote snoball for ross' slot

"Slot". Hyuk hyuk hyuk. D'you heaw that Wussell, he said "slot".

Nah, I'd be too expensive. Get a schoolboy to do it instead.

Actually, I vote this guy:

Found next year's Eurovision entry as well.

i turned louis's link off at the chorus. it was too catchy, and i can imagine myself singing it aloud in mixed company.

I'm singing the chorus to myself right now!

i'm using an ar... um yeah, right now

I listened to this show, it was pretty funny actually.
The story behind it all was that Sachs was lined up for an interview to promote an appearance on a special episode of The Bill or something. When they called him up, presumably at an arranged time, they got his answer machine.
Odd thing is, the show wasn't live, it was a pre-record, so it all could have been edited out.

I'm glad it wasn't though. I mean, it was a nasty, cunty thing to do, sure, it was also funny.

Hilarious

How do I get that song LJ posted to be my ringtone?

You might like the related videos. "Fucksticks" especially.

ask ashley cole?

xpost

I'm glad it wasn't though. I mean, it was a nasty, cunty thing to do, sure, it was also funny.

what was funny about it

YEah, leaving abusive messages on a 78 year old's answering machine is hilarious.

You might like the related videos. "Fucksticks" especially.

lol, still not as knob obsessed as Ross though.

I'd be interested to know the number of complaints the BBC received immediately after the broadcast compared with the number they received after it was spread all over the Mail on Sunday.

Fairly typical Rag Week humour aimed at a Rag Week audience - I didn't find it funny but nor did I find it particularly offensive.

But then the Mail publishes the whole thing in lurid detail and suddenly there's a scandal, rebukes etc.

Seems fairly clear to me who the actual "villains" are in this case.

Ross and Brand?

No one would have given a toss about any of this had the Mail not decided to make an issue out of it because of their long-standing vested interests in getting rid of/privatising the BBC.

But Tabloids Need Good Stories and especially Good Headlines!

Andrew Sachs might have cared. It's not exactly newsworthy but then again it's not the NOTW publishing the names of every sex offender in Britain either.

I'm not aware that the Daily Mail was the only one newspaper to cover this story

xpost

yeh, and it's not just the mail who've run with it, either.

i've got next to no interest in this story, didn't hear the broadcast and haven't been paying much attention, so i don't feel entirely qualified to comment. i am a little surprised by how upset people seem to be getting about it, but perhaps that's because i'm an old cynic with a heart of stone.

Anyway, if the BBC are going to employ Jonathan Cunt for £6 million a year go ahead and privatise the fuckers

^ yes.

It's a perfect fable of how lewd, sex-obsessed, binge-drinking modern Britain is pissing and trampling over the memory of the Britain we once loved, especially that of the nation's favourite racial caricature.

the nation's favourite racial caricature

Which Cockney Wanker are you referring to Brand or Cunt?

Or maybe George Lamb?

If the BBC were privatised, wouldn't that make it more likely JRoss would get enormopaymoneys, not less?

Or is that not the point? (I know what yr reply here is, public funded etc...)

I wish this crap would just go away and stop cluttering up my news broadcasts with drivel. I understand the BBC has to do public handwringing and the other networks need to gloat but perhaps the BBC could give over the Brand and Ross programmes to this dross rather than waste mine and John Humphrey's time with it.

the nation's favourite racial caricature.

― Matt DC, Tuesday, 28 October 2008 09:56 (8 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

poll

Get to it, Matt

It's a runner: Benny Hill's "Harrow Henley", "Rangi Ram" off hot mum, um um um...

oh yeah, Stavros..

Spike Milligan's hilarious "Paki Paddy" character

All Indian, Irish, Italian, Pakistani, Greek etc characters in Eastenders

Russ Abbott, "See You Jimmy"

xpost ones where the stereotype *is* the nationality of the person playing it, doesn't count...

http://www.understandingslavery.com/citizen/scaled/96393701.jpeg

It's on the level of every pub conversation ever, really, this whole business.

And coincidentally millions are reminded that Andrew Sachs is still with us and available for work.

^ from my home town (xp)

Jim Davidson, "Chalky"

Harry Enfield, "Nelson Mandela"

Postman Patel

And also coincidentally, the ratings for Ross and Brand's R2 shows next week will go through the roof.

John Bird's Idi Amin
Rory Bremner's Trevor MacDonald

John Bird's Idi Amin

This was especially vile. Nice one, John.

While we're at it

ben Kingsly's ghandi
Alec Guiness' Price Faisal

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/419AFA29XML._SL500_AA240_.jpg

Hilarious.

Alec Guiness' Fagin

ben Kingsly's ghandi

― something less awful (Ed), Tuesday, 28 October 2008 10:16 (21 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

That'd be Ben Kingsley, real name "Krishna Bhanji", yes?

Bo Selecta passim

David Baddiel as Jason Lee

Although, in fairness, that was as funny as it was racist.

Vic Reeves & Bob Mortimer, The Ponderers

Julian Barrat Rudy Van der Sose

One of those Little Britain fuckers - Ting Tong.

I'm just sticking around to see if Ed provides the correct spelling for any of the named performers he cites. Although I suppose it is a form of Googleproofing.

The poll would be futile because it'd be dozens of forgotten options, a big fight, and then a 25-vote landslide victory for Borat once all the Americans turn up.

futility is our middle name.

ILX futility.

Ali G of course

Peter Seller's indian doctor.

peter cellar's' indian anything

inspecteur cluseauauauauau

Pretty much anyone from It Ain't Half Hot Mum or Allo Allo, including the Brits.

Pretty much everyone in everything.

Andrew Sachs probably does not want publicity or employment any more than your grandfather does.

People who want to privatize the BBC and destroy PSB are bad and sinister.

Ross and Brand are scum who degrade this country's public culture and they should not employed by the BBC.

Plenty of offensive jokes are made in pubs and on messageboards.

But when they are published in mass market circulation newspapers then isn't it the newspapers who should be censured?

http://www.sikhspectrum.com/032003/images/ad.jpg

Why would they want to destroy the Pet Shop Boys?

Plenty of offensive jokes are made in pubs and on messageboards.

So pay me £6 million a year then

xp
He also busked outside this restaurant to drum up business for it. So, you know, it was a kinder gentler racism with a heart of gold.

23 Brook Street - oddly enough, Jimi Hendrix's gaff.

Next door to Handel's old drum

^ nice catch x-post.

Now a Jo Malone...haha how times have changed.

Handel's Old Drum - Serves The Best Mint Cracknell Milkshakes In London

(cue signed photos of Bernard Cribbins, Derren Nesbitt, Aimi MacDonald &c)

Also note the lovely little symbol drawn in the corner of Sellers' autograph.

Om nom nom nom, delicious

Very good.

The original birdy num num

Now a range of 'designer' hangbags...haha how time have cha...wait I've already done that.

Also a French DJ crew - I did not know that...

Andrew Sachs probably does not want publicity or employment any more than your grandfather does

yes. that'll be why he's agreeing to do phone interviews with arsehole celebrity DJs, etc.

isn't he still doing the odd piece of voiceover work, too?

Is he still the last statue you see at Madame Tussaud's?

they'll move him back up the celebrity scale again now, no doubt.

He'll be in the jungle with Ant & Dec next

god! Probably.

Are they still doing that "celebrity fantasy league" the BBC?

Ah yes, Ant & Dec with their hilarious "blacked up" "Rich Arabs" "wind-up" "routine." Most fitting for the nation's favourite Chiswick-dwelling Tory-voting professional Geordies!

Sachs I think still relatively busy on the voiceover/audio books front.

wasn't that "rich arabs" just a total nick off that NewsOfTheWorld.. oh right!

south african guy in alan partridge

or geordie guy obv

Spike Milligan passim

Chris Morris as Fur Q

Mark Heap, Tras Duprez

"Using make-up sticks we transformed our white reporter Tras Duprez, into a black man to see if the law would treat him any differently. Within five minutes, he'd committed a pocket theft and by mid-afternoon, he was attacking passers-by with violent muggings, and fleecing them viciously on the cobbles."

ant and dec as "comedy geordies" ... oh, wait ...

Pete and Dud's Bo Duddley routine.

I've created a monster.

Bags Dean Gaffney as Frankenstein.

It was good enough for A Guy Called Gerald xxpost

Ofcom to probe Brand and Ross

"He said pwobe, Wuss, hyuk hyuk hyuk"

As soon as Mediawatch and David Davies start calling for them to be sacked I want them to be retained at higher salaries.

Outrage in the Times and they handily provide a link to the original calls.

Cant, cant, cant.

Exactly the same thing at the Telegraph.

David Attenborough, Miley Cyrus and Frank Skinner on Ross on friday. I wonder if any of them will decline the invite?

Cant, cant, cant

is this your jonathan ross impression? it's quite good.

Skinner will give Ross some stick - what did Ross say when Skinner got into trouble over the "Matthew Kelly's beard" joke?

Frank Skinner should make a few jokes about Ross's wife's nervous breakdown, it's what Russell Brand would do

David Attenborough, Miley Cyrus and Frank Skinner on Ross on friday

ugh what a thought, it's enough to make me eat my fish and chips twice.

The Daily Mail has got all the info and photos of Andrew Sachs daughter in stockings and high heels you need - including a transcript of the phone calls and Andrew Sachs saying basically 'calm down everybody'.

Miss Baillie said last night: 'I've only just got back.
'I was aware of what happened but I just need some time to get my head together now.
'I don't want to say anything more until I've had a chance to speak to my agent.'

Isn't it a pretty pass when Andrew Sachs is reduced to doing Harry Enfield "Scouser" impressions for a living?

Haven't the Mail managed to shoehorn Peter Mandelson into the story yet?

I believe Leading Writer Leo McKinstry is busy scouring local Foot Locker branches even as we speak.

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/david_hughes/blog/2008/10/27/russell_brand_and_jonathan_ross_should_be_sued_for_breach_of_privacy

Tags: Alastair Campbell , George Osborne , John Prescott , Jonathan Ross , Lord Mandelson , Russell Brand

Telegraph, as Tom said above, also provides a link to the source - so much for "double standards."

Someone should report all these newspapers to the PCC and have them formally censured.

Blimey - the comments on that telegraph article.
This all seems to be getting out of hand now. Cameron wading in on the news just now, predictably. It seems obvious that a head is going to roll, probably the producer of the programme?

Cameron wading in on the news just now, predictably

You're joking??!?!? That's not predictable!

Thing is when you employ someone for his risky mouthy not scared to offend former sex and drug addict reputation it's a bit pointless slapping his wrist for living up to expectations.

What's Jonathan Ross's excuse tho?

You're joking??!?!? That's not predictable!

Of course it is - any chance to bash the beeb and look like he's doing what needs to be done to fix broken britain, he's there.

What will your excuse be when senior Labour figures start doing the same thing?

Cameron's doing it because it keep George Osborne off the front pages for a bit longer.

If Andrew Sachs had been a muslim would they have broadcast it? Of course not. They pick and choose who can be offended.
- Chris, Romford, 27/10/2008 23:43

Good work Romford.

Thing is when you employ someone for his risky mouthy not scared to offend former sex and drug addict reputation it's a bit pointless slapping his wrist for living up to expectations.

― Cool Hand Tiller (onimo), Tuesday, 28 October 2008 14:17 (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

That's David Cameron's excuse?

cameron should ask russell brand to sleep with george osborne's daughter to get him off the front pages.

Considering she's 5 years old, that ploy would certainly work a treat

What will your excuse be when senior Labour figures start doing the same thing?

Actually Cameron merely seems to be mimicking Labour MP Paul Farrelly's earlier call. Bandwagon jumpers the lot of them.

LOL I saw that "chris, romford" comment too. It doesn't even make any sense!

Every SINGLE time I see this thread title I think it refers to Russel brand athletic-wear.

So let me get this straight.

Gordon Brown pulls the Western world from the brink of economic collapse.

David Cameron has so little to do with his time that he is able to complain about a couple of disc jockeys on the radio.

As far as the next election is concerned it's what is commonly known as a "fucking no-brainer."

Gordon Brown pulls the Western world from the brink of economic collapse.

When did he do that then? I must have missed it.

lol misspelled into amirite!

glad you stopped using Annoying Display Name

not the same without you

"It also emerged yesterday that Ms Baillie is part of a dance troupe known as Satanic Sluts Extreme, who describe themselves as “four of the sexiest depraved London jezebels”, and who perform “violent, horrific and sexy burlesque shows”.

Where's that thread Dom started about how steampunk and neo-burlesque is worse than hitler again?

That didn't emerge yesterday, I was reading about that at the weekend. Didn't think it particularly relevant to anything in particular, but then again I don't write for the Daily Mail.

She reminds me of Marilyn Manson a bit, it's kind of grim.

No, it's not even remotely relevant (presumably the detail is added to arouse outrage the mail/torygraph's readers) seeing as how the 2 prats phoned the goth woman's grandfather. It's just...."burlesque"....guh.

She also makes for a really unconvincing goff, as you'd expect from anyone who tried for a career as a Page 3 model before she realised Trivium fans are a lot less discerning than white van men.

I think I'll start a burlesque dance troupe called "Satanic Sluts Mild". Who's in?

Satanic Sluts Mild? think they have that on tap in the Intrepid Fox

It's the Goth version of Sweetheart Stout

Gordon Brown speaks out on this matter of national importance

"Christ, what a planet"

what is the context for Cameron and Brown's statements? questions from backbenchers in HOC or "news" journalists?

Clegg's just weighed in now too: "Kill the bastards" apparently.

Then sentence was passed, as followeth, viz. That they should return to the place from whence they came, from thence be drawn to the common place of execution, and there to be hanged by the necks, then cut down alive, their privy-members cut off, and bowels taken out to be burnt before their faces, their heads to be severed from their bodies, and their bodies divided into four parts, to be disposed of as the Daily Mail should think fit.

... bit harsh on Russell, but fair enough for Ross

the gunk tank's too good for 'em

this is win-win for everybody

she seems sweet...
http://images.google.co.uk/imgres?imgurl=http://i1.bebo.com/004a/small/2006/02/19/23/239471630a318143701b557310416s.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.bebo.com/Profile.jsp%3FMemberId%3D242599832&h=62&w=62&sz=3&hl=en&start=2&sig2=W0lYp5Ciway0_5G0A0WPAg&usg=__3gbXRpaURFRowaZuG0IIlN9SyZU=&tbnid=3zHge4G0byXQ2M:&tbnh=62&tbnw=62&ei=rFQHSZrFNqPE0gStjKzqAw&prev=/images%3Fq%3DGeorgina%2BBaillie%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DG

longest link ever.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7694989.stm

Fantastic.

Would be better as a step-by-step illustration by the guy who does the football cartoon in the Sun

Or a big Brass Eye style animated graphic.

It's the timeline that had to be made.

For fuck's sake, literally everyone involved in this (apart from Sachs, possibly) comes out of this really badly, don't they. Why the hell Brown thought he had to weigh in I'll never know. It's the final, terrible apotheosis of celebrity culture [/rant]

oh i doubt there's anything final about this!

yes it's going to run and run isn't it.

I like it that Brown had to make that statement whilst in France, standing alongside Sarkozy during a press conference about the current finacial crisis.

you never explained what you found funny about the original 'joke'

With Sarkozy thinking that they order these things better in France. It is fucking ridiculous that Brown felt he had to say something presumbly because the story is still snowballing and if he didn't the papers would be all "Why Is Brown Dithering Over Ross Brand BBC Taxpayers Fiasco?".00 Take a stand man! It's not like those papers aren't going to shit all over you anyway.

I saw this dude on teevee. He's unwatchable

Naah: This is what happened....

GB: "So, pretty busy day, done loads, what's DCameron been up to?"
Person: "Well, he's on the news re JR/RB and ASachs (etc)"
GB: "So, if I make a statement, that's him off the front pages?"
Person: "Yep"
GB: "You write it, I'll sing it.."

i'm not offended by the original prank but if this means these two TOTALLY UNFUNNY comedians are down the dumper, career-wise, it'll all have been worth it

this is all over our paper tomorrow. scotland's finest columnist has done 1200 words on it (admittedly 1200 very good words, which do turn into a shoeing of the BBC halfway through). seriously: WTF?

good things about this story: overpaid celebrity dicks (and i do quite like RB, but he has become increasingly lazy and tedious) might suddenly realise they should WRITE SOME PROPER MATERIAL and not just rely on their, umm, "personalities" to fill in their air-time.

bad things about this story: absolutely everything else.

Wow, both the PM and the leader of the opposition weigh in on this, despite us being in a financial hole? What clever times we live in.

Didn't Gordon Brown have to weigh in on Jade Goody as well? Although she at least had the decency to offend an entire subcontinent.

presumably in both cases the MPs were asked about the issue tho? expressing disinterest would surely result in BROWN OUT OF TOUCH WITH PUBLIC etc.

Yeah in this case the witch hunt has gathered such pace that it's best that Brown half-heartedly shout "burn them" while looking the other way, rather than be castigated himself.

Has the Prime Minister of Spain commented on this important diplomatic incident yet?

This truly is the day the 00s ended, isn't it?

No.

haha, OK, there have now been 10,000 complaints to Ofcom. This, remember, is now well over a week after the show was broadcast. Bandwagon, much?

i'm not offended by the original prank but if this means these two TOTALLY UNFUNNY comedians are down the dumper, career-wise, it'll all have been worth it

― Dave from Norwich, Tuesday, 28 October 2008 20:20 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I think, basically, this.

what's ofcom's email address?

Thing is though that they will probably walk away, jobs and salaries intact, and some dozy producer and editor will have to take the bullet.

Welcome to British entertainment

Forget OFCOM the Guardian's having a poll.

70/30 in favour of sacking at the moment.

well, this is a whole lotta fuss over nuttin'.

wow i hadn't clicked on this thread for some hours, it's really blown up hasn't it. and OMG at that BBC timeline HAHAHA

1
When Britain first, at Heaven's command
Arose from out the azure main;
This was the charter of the land,
And guardian angels sung this strain:
"Rule, Britannia! rule the waves:
"Britons never will be slaves."
2
The nations, not so blest as thee,
Must, in their turns, to tyrants fall;
While thou shalt flourish great and free,
The dread and envy of them all.
"Rule, Britannia! rule the waves:
"Britons never will be slaves."
3
Still more majestic shalt thou rise,
More dreadful, from each foreign stroke;
As the loud blast that tears the skies,
Serves but to root thy native oak.
"Rule, Britannia! rule the waves:
"Britons never will be slaves."
4
Thee haughty tyrants ne'er shall tame:
All their attempts to bend thee down,
Will but arouse thy generous flame;
But work their woe, and thy renown.
"Rule, Britannia! rule the waves:
"Britons never will be slaves."
5
To thee belongs the rural reign;
Thy cities shall with commerce shine:
All thine shall be the subject main,
And every shore it circles thine.
"Rule, Britannia! rule the waves:
"Britons never will be slaves."
6
The Muses, still with freedom found,
Shall to thy happy coast repair;
Blest Isle! With matchless beauty crown'd,
And manly hearts to guard the fair.
"Rule, Britannia! rule the waves:
"Britons never will be slaves."

Channel 4 News was pretty OTM last night - it led with a special report on the rebel troops more or less taking the "Democratic" Republic of Congo by force, with ineffectual shooting from UN helicopters unable to stop them. "Gordon Brown has said nothing about this today," said Mr Guru-Murthy, "but found plenty to say on the clearly far more pressing and important issue of Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross."

That about sums it up.

yes, but 'they' asked him!

I seriously think that putting Ross and Brand in the stocks for an afternoon and throwing some rotten vegetables at them, would be the best solution.

GB not passing up the opportunity to seek some cheap public approval.

I would like my politicians to deal with politics.

The world is being taken over by that well-known scourge Eleanor Handcart.

Obama doesn't waste breath or energy moaning about Rush Limbaugh. He just gets on with it.

Would that our politicians would do the same.

But since they're scared of tabloid bullies it won't happen.

I seriously think that putting Ross and Brand in the stocks for an afternoon and throwing some rotten vegetables at them, would be the best solution.

― Autobot Lover (jel --), Wednesday, October 29, 2008 9:16 AM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i would throw vegetables at them happily

where vegetables = rocks

what are your thoughts on rebel troops taking the "democratic" republic of congo by force, marcello?

I really hate it when concern trolling from the Mail takes hold.

For "Ross and Brand" replace with "Rebekah Wade and Paul Dacre."

In the first few hours after the show was broadcast there were precisely TWO complaints made to the BBC.

After the Sunday tabloids made an issue out of it the number increased, initially to 500 on the Sunday, then to 3,000 on Monday, and by yesterday it had reached 10,000.

Do you seriously think that the Mail or the NOTW give a damn about Andrew Sachs and his family and whether they were hurt or not?

No - what it comes down to is that It's A Good Story.

Stir in some envy on the part of tabloid hacks who can't deal with people like Ross and Brand being more talented and earning more money than them and it's an infallible recipe.

Channel 4 News was pretty OTM last night - it led with a special report on the rebel troops more or less taking the "Democratic" Republic of Congo by force, with ineffectual shooting from UN helicopters unable to stop them. "Gordon Brown has said nothing about this today," said Mr Guru-Murthy, "but found plenty to say on the clearly far more pressing and important issue of Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross."

That about sums it up.

― synths and drum machines (e.g. Simmonds) (Marcello Carlin)

Hey he just saved the Western World from the brink of economic collapse, cut the guy some slack.

Yes, it's the safety and comfort afforded to us by a stable economy that means we all have more important things to concentrate on now, like the very real menace posed by radio DJs making prank calls.

(the campaign to lock up Des McLean starts here)

what are your thoughts on rebel troops taking the "democratic" republic of congo by force, marcello?

Given that the rebels are being backed by Rwanda, I fully expect a repeat of the 1994 massacres.

And, as in 1994, the rest of the world will turn in the other direction and try to pretend it's not happening.

Because student pranks on a Saturday night radio show are far more important than genocide.

(the brand/ross stocks things could be a Children in Need event! Sachs could come on dressed as Manuel, his grand daughter as sexy goth, they could throw stuff. People could pledge money to chuck stuff. It'd raise loads of money for charity. Everything would be forgotten)

it took seconds of GBrown's life (and, OK, David Cam's also) to respond to a question.

How long have we, individually, mulled this?

Jel's idea is the best one yet!

i'd like to see some children from congo also involved in this. possibly setting off the fireworks at the start of the show

You know, of course, JRoss and RBrand would go for this idea?

They would as well!

While it was happening, would Russ floridly reference:

1. The Crucible?
2. The Revenger's Tragedy?
3. 'Tis Pity She's A Whore?

1. That is where they end up, the visible arena where the DMailhivemind's thirst for public denigration is sated?
2. .. that Andrew Sachs would have to dress up as Manuel one more time?
3. (not going there)

No, he would reference page 14 of Iron Man issue 176 (no I'm not going to look it up).

so it turns out brand and baillie did shag.

um, yeah...

And she wants them sacked, sacked, sacked.

dinkle dinkle ballbag

(xpost) ...so she can get publicity, publicity, publicity

dinkle dinkle ballbag

Is that the name of the next Scissor Sisters album?

No, they went out and got a new hype man.

How this will end:
- producer gets sacked
- Brand's career takes a mild (not Deayton sized) beating
- Ross gets off with a slap on the wrist, consequently becomes more unbearable than ever

I guess this means we'll be getting David Jacobs back on Saturday evenings.

"Hello THAAR and welcome to this week's edition of Dinkle Dinkle Ballbag..."

"My guest is the splendid veteran funnyman Mr Andrew Sachs, whom I once bumped into in Shaftesbury Avenue in 1958 while taking refreshing imbibements with dear Richard Wattis..."

Westwood astonished by sudden increase in ratings for his show.

Surely Russell Brand will use this opportunity to fuck off to America?

Hasn't he burned at least some of his boats there post-MTV Awards speech?

Russell can't go to America after he called Bush a retard on national tele.

Is anyone at all surprised that Brand did actually shag the Satanic Slut? he's shagged everyone he's ever met, hasn't he?

I know "Americans will enjoy the worst fucking shit British comedy has to offer" is one of society's great rules, but I think Brand would be a step too far.

After calling Dubya a "retarded cowboy"? Yeah, that's going to work out well... (damn, xposted...)

As if Little Britain USA already wasn't (xp).

Maybe he'll go to Australia

Brand is the person who spent about two weeks on Celebrity Big Brother repeatedly pointing out that Shilpa Shetty was at fault for being racially abused, mainly because he shared an agent with Jade Goody at the time (possibly still does?)

Brand shouldn't go to America. He'll just end up like Steve Martin and Robin Williams, i.e. starring in gloopy, sentimental "comedies" that go straight to video to "broaden" his appeal.

(xxpost) They could feed him ice cream with excrement in it.

Didn't know about the agent connection - well, that says a lot.

Pseudo-Masonic cabals, the one thing that will guarantee that Britain starts getting sent UN food parcels in ooh 2011.

Still, none of this changes the fact that the newspapers are primarily to blame for this.

because he shared an agent with Jade Goody at the time (possibly still does?)

haha did that agent do something spectacularly nasty in a previous life?

http://www.johnnoelmanagement.com/

Seems like Goody has left the agency since then, but they've signed the Queens of Noise to replace her, so that's OK then.

Damn you Dom, so quick of the mark...so, xp...

John Noel - also agent to Davina McCall, Dermot O'Reilly, Matthew Wright.

I think we can see who really should be stopped from working...

repeatedly pointing out that Shilpa Shetty was at fault

Whoa! I don't remember this!

I know he played Devil's advocate on that, many times, but not in relation to that incident...

Still, none of this changes the fact that the newspapers are primarily to blame for this

hmm. chicken and egg, i'd say. i appreciate how hypocritical and gleeful newspapers are being about this, but there is a substantial part of me that says: at last! overpaid drivelling celebs get the beats. ultimately: if RB and JR weren't just sitting there talking ABSOLUTE FUCKING SHIT, there'd be no story.

what's the blame sorry i missed it?

that our country is going down the pan??

Sachs' granddaughter is being represented by Max Clifford. So this is going to run on until Christmas. Or until the economy explodes.

Radio DJs talking shit is not a story though really, is it? xposts

(some slight revisionism/exaggeration going on re. Brand's part in the CBB racism row - as I remember, he wasn't hugely critical of Goody, but he was hardly cheering her on either, and certainly wasn't blaming Shetty)

but did he shag shetty and/or goody

I wondered how long it was going to take Max to get in there...honestly, I could have written this.

"overpaid drivelling celebs" - bit of envy there, Simon?

As you well know, tabloids run on several basic demographic principles, one of the most key is "somewhere, readers, someone is having more fun than you." The job then is to assuage and flatter their readers, those who've settled for the mediocre middle ground, those who missed their chances to exceed themselves, or turned them down, and now grind away in joyless jobs for fear of the bailiffs.

So it's hardly surprising that papers like the Mail are happy to exploit this envy in the sense of "taking them down a peg" - i.e. reducing them to the level of their readers when their job should be vice versa - and issue hypocritical howls of canting mock-outrage at a student-level prank joke on a Saturday evening radio show aimed at a young, student audience.

Kenny Everett would have relished all this if he'd lived to see it.

I bet he'd have shagged... oh wait

"overpaid drivelling celebs" - bit of envy there, Simon?

But Brand really is untalented, and has never been funny

I can bear Ross as a presenter sometimes, but he ruined They Think Its All Over for me.

On the contrary, Brand is about the only "funny" broadcaster on R2. Ross is frequently funny on his show as well but to a great extent that depends on who his guests are.

ah well, i disagree. apples and oranges etc.

Brand was funny a couple of years ago - now instead of jokes he just says "ooohh my dinkle!!!". Ross needs to be reminded that "chat show" doesn't mean that he continually interrupts his guests and makes unfunny scripted crap jokes over the top of them.

That's why I prefer him on the radio where he's naturally funny, improvises and doesn't rely on scripts.

I think both are occasionally very funny indeed, but both are also massively prone to indulgent and aimless ego-stroking wittering. The two together is like a pair of schoolkids egging each other on to swear so much the teacher gives them detention. Which is kind of pathetic given how potentially talented they both are.

Like Pete and Dud weren't.

Or Milligan and Sellers.

Which exonerates Brand and Ross how?

They're both cunts, I'll be happy if their careers are in tatters.

I actually like both of them when they are doing what they are good at, though both have strayed way from their comfort zone through the media's insistence on overexposure of "popular" celebs (see also Myleene Klass, Anton DuBeke, Carol Vorderman, Kerry Katona, Katie Price, Jade Goody, etc etc etc) to the point where they think they can get away with anything because they are so popular and loved, when basically they were just liked for doing what they used to do before they got turned into poster children for taking the fucking piss and irritating the fuck out of everyone with their omnipresence.

HI DERE I HVAE BAALSACK!

The video footage of them making the calls immediately made me think of Derek and Clive.

"I'll be happy if their careers are in tatters" - come off it Matt, if you were them you'd love every second of this and you want their lifestyle so much, as do we all. Be honest!

OH NO LAST NIGHT I DID A POO ON UR GRANDDAGHTER'S FLANGE

"I'll be happy if their careers are in tatters" - come off it Matt, if you were them you'd love every second of this and you want their lifestyle so much, as do we all. Be honest!

what does the first bit have to do with the second bit?

Not as easy as it looks, is it, Ken?

apropos Brand impersonation

Their careers in tatters = even more airtime for Graham Norton.

I can't say I do want their lifestyles, actually; I'm by nature a reasonably quiet and lazy homebody, and I don't imagine either of them has a great deal of time for lolling around with kittens.

i wish i can get paid £6m talking about my balls, but i also wish other people don't get paid £6m talking about their balls (or mine). i'm being v honest.

if you were them you'd love every second of this

erm, Brand didn't look like he was loving too much of it on the footage of him being hounded by journos. Just repeating Krishna over and over, very nervous.

And FUCK if you think we ALL want his lifestyle, how can you make such a bollocks claim?

xposts it was very easy

how can you make such a bollocks claim?

correct term is ballsack.

I think Marcello was being facetious, dudes.

no wai matt.

i wish i can get paid £6m being facetious.

I can't say I do want their lifestyles, actually; I'm by nature a reasonably quiet and lazy homebody, and I don't imagine either of them has a great deal of time for lolling around with kittens.

Jonathan Ross has a great deal of time for lolling around with his little pugs and whathaveyou, dressing his dog up in stupid clothes forms quite a large part of his patter on his Friday night show. He's not been terribly controversial up until this point, has he? (I'm assuming this now to actually be controversial, even though I think it's bollocks). Agreed that Brand looked a bit uncomfortable outside his house, but I think he often does seem uncomfortable for one supposedly so egotistical.

I mean, look at Jonathan Ross. Plenty of fuck you money, the freedom to do what he likes how and when he likes, he can buy all the games and gadgets he wants (buy? he probably gets them all sent to him free) and be a total geek with them. And he's probably a lot more of a homebody than he gets credit for. What's not to want?

The video footage of them making the calls immediately made me think of Derek and Clive.

so it turns out jayne mansfield did have someone to push lobsters up her arse.

― Shacknasty (Frogman Henry), Wednesday, 29 October 1978 10:11 (48 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I wish I could get paid to talk about my hair, watch films, and have a wife with a nice cleavage.

I already do the first two.

Ambition, Jel, ambition!

(xpost) your wife has just filed for divorce, and hired Max Clifford to be her publicist for the ensuing tabloid shitestorm...

He's not been terribly controversial up until this point, has he?

He made the front pages after asking David Cameron if he ever wanked to pictures of Thatcher, apart from that I think the major controversy as far as Daily Mail World is concerned is his wages.

I wonder why he never asked the late Alan Clark? He would have got a positive response, probably.

was led to believe Brand's on air response to CBB racism was "there's been some right bad racism abaht today and no mistake my liege, it's made Mr Winkie shrink right up into my balls it has, and my balls have only gone and gone up me arse" or similar, now feel betrayed

If it's wishing to be something you're not - aim a little higher.

When it's written out like that you realise that Brand's not that far removed from Wogan, just with added scatology.

I mean, Wake Up With Wogan is literally two hours of "and no mistake my liege."

Okay don't even go there comparing Wogan to Brand

Oh no. Brand's way funnier.

OK, he's no Fred Macaulay, I'll give you that...

JBrand today: "The Beeb..beeceee... in it's infinite wisdom...shalom..."

XPOST YEAH! LET'S GO comparing Wogan to Brand

Ross Abbot was in the Sarah Jane Adventures on Monday! In 20 years, Brand will be doing the same!

Wogan - septuagenarian disc jockey and unpleasant little right wing creep on the quiet who's traded off the same limited range of sub-Flann O'Brien whimsicalities for the best part of forty years.

Top stories from the Beeb

Woman loses assisted suicide case
Scores dead after Pakistan quake
Jonathan Ross TV show to go ahead

Still in the wrong order.

Jonathan Ross dead after assisted suicide

"But Sir David Attenborough, due on as a guest, says he is "discussing the situation with the BBC"."

Cripes.

Russell Brand might have to be a filler guest. David, don't give 'em your mobile number.

I understand Ricky Ger-vay is on standby.

So, if he drops out.. Hmm, who can they get at short notice, that would be reasonably expected to make ratings thicksoup?

xpost damn gave it away the punchline...

suddenly this has somehow turned into lose-lose!! how have they done this?

i actually have some sympathy for brand here; when you read what was actually said, brand was just running with something ross started - if ross hadn't raised the bar of blunt offensiveness so high at the beginning brand wouln't have had to go so far to "top" him, which is what these things always turn into

"overpaid drivelling celebs" - bit of envy there, Simon?

hahahah: of course there is! somewhere out there, maybe even lurking over this thread, is an ageing ILX0r with whom i once tried very hard to be funny on the radio ... sometimes, maybe for mere seconds at a time, we just about managed it. so yeh, as someone with a short and unimpressive history in radio (not just at a student level, either), i'm envious of people who are more talented than i am. i think that's natural.

where i get pissed off is when the talent stops trying. i've repped for RB round these parts more than once: i think he has the capacity to be a wonderful comedian, and his live show a couple of years back was magnificent. however ... well, nick nails it:

I think both are occasionally very funny indeed, but both are also massively prone to indulgent and aimless ego-stroking wittering. The two together is like a pair of schoolkids egging each other on to swear so much the teacher gives them detention. Which is kind of pathetic given how potentially talented they both are

this is the point at which envy of talent/justified success gives way to something more base and basically jealous, ie: dude, how the fuck are you getting paid so much for this shit?

i mean, prank calling is feeble. i remember doing it when i was a kid: bored shitless at a mate's house after his commodore 64 overheated, we started ringing up the operator and being stupid. it wasn't funny then and it ain't funny now (fonejacker: that includes you).

JR, let's not forget, is the man who claimed -- tongue perhaps in cheek -- that he was worth a thousand BBC journalists. you know what? he might well be more talented than most of the other BBC talent. trouble is, nobody can remember any more because his schtick is about as lazy as it can be.

this isn't just about RB and JR; it's about what passes for comedy, or worthwhile broadcasting. (and yes, the fact that every newspaper and news programme is full of it also says a lot about what passes for news reporting!)

i'm meant to be writing a lab report. perhaps i should sack that and dig out my unfinished (barely begun) sitcom. it actually had a couple of jokes in it, if i remember rightly.

"Miss, he started it!"
"Yes but you carried on with it"

xp

I took the "thousand journalists" comment as a sort of rap faux-braggadoccio. If he meant it then he really is a jerk. But somehow I don't think he is, except for that jibe at Rod Hull at the Comedy Awards whatever year of the nineties it was, even though that was scripted.

I mean, I hope he learned from that particular misjudgement.

Ar age 16, stoned out of our minds, we looked up teachers' phone numbers at 4am in the local directory. Found our (youthful, leftwing) English teacher's number. Called him. Asked if he'd ever licked a dolphin. Hung up. Seemed like the funniest fucking thing of all time, at the time. Not so much later.

And they've been suspended.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7696714.stm

Bailie said "they shoudl be sacked for inflating my celebrity standing and getting me booked out as a crap burlesque dancer until mid 2010".

Doesn't say anything about their being suspended on that link.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7696714.stm

Youthful Leftwing English Teacher's SO: "who was that on the phone just now?"
Youthful Leftwing English Teacher: "Er, sounded like someone who wanted to know if I 'kicked it golfing'..."

Yes it does?

Where?

Oh right, they've just added a paragraph at the top.

18,000 complaints = approx 60,982,000 people who don't want them suspended.