WIMBLEDON 2007

Draws online! Projected 4th rounds -

Federer v Haas (Tursunov more likely though)
Blake v Gonzalez (both ripe for upsets to randoms)
Roddick (BOO) v Ljubicic
Gasquet v Murray (who should surely withdraw? not worth fucking his wrist up completely)
Davydenko v Baghdatis (Johansson and Monfils are lucky floathers in Russian Dave's section, and Baghdatis will have to get past Argentine Dave)
Hewitt (BOO) v Djokovic (YAY)
Berdych v Robredo
Youzhny v Nadal

Henin v Schnyder (like Batty Patty is going to get to the second week...Bondarenko Sr has to like her chances)
Hanturexia v S.Williams (another Justine/Serena qf...am happy with that, more chance of the match happening and it'd be GREAT for JH to beat Serena here)
Jankovic v Peer
Hingis v Chakvetadze (haha Jankovic and Hingis both open against Brit WCs)
Ivanovic v Petrova (Nadia gave an interview earlier this week saying she was depressed, unmotivated, and having parent issues - before promptly reaching the Eastbourne SF; Ivanovic meanwhile managed to win just 4 games off Hanturexia this week)
Vaidisova v Mauresmo (nice draw for defending champ to play herself into form)
Kuznetsova v Dementieva
Safina v Sharapova (V.Williams lurks for Little Miss Marat first)

exciting!!!

traffic around wimbledon village already at standstill. many roadworks going on around the area. should be fun.

report back if you sight any players stevie!

this is gonna be great

I've seen several of the players' taxis, but they have blacked out windows so no exciting starspotting. Stevie, are you going to the Wimbledon Village fair tomorrow? I am strangely tempted...

report back if you sight any players stevie!

i fear i would not recognise them... is mcenroe still playing?

Stevie, are you going to the Wimbledon Village fair tomorrow?

i will be going on a work trip to las vegas tomorrow, sadly, but my nan will be working a couple of days at the tournament, as ever, the sprightliest 80 year old you'll see working the strawberry stalls!

Oh, just as I got my sleeping patterns back in whack, this. I shall be vampiric to watch this!

ha, i was just about to email you to see if you wanted to go for drinks when i'm in yr area - ah well have fun in las vegas, eh!

xp

there are worse places for a heartbroken newly-single dude to be, i have heard... but if yr in wim after next thursday, gimme a call, cos i be back and done by then.

aw, i didn't know you were heartbroken - well, hope las vegas is good to you, and i may well make it down to wimbledon when you're back...

What's good: I am off work for all but three days of the tournament.
What's bad: I will spend most of it knocking seven bells out of my kitchen (or, more likely, taking the kids to the park while Pam does it). Q: how to fit a new countertop when you can't lift the 38mm-thick 2.5m-long wood off the floor?

I'm going to stick my neck out and say a rejuvenated Safin will give Fed his first SW19 five-setter since Sampras '01...

LOL at prospect of Henman getting a grass-court lesson off Carlos Moya. Starace vs Djokovic! Centre Court, perhaps?

"Wayne Arthurs, who I thought retired in January...."

Such was my understanding, but maybe the Oz exit was so emotional because Wine would never play in Australia again. His absolutely positively last major will start with a match against a Belgian called de Bakker, who to win will need to come out, er, smoking (boom-tish!)

Assuming Hewitt, whose career trajectory seems pointed the same way as his cap, can get past local quallie Richard Bloomfield and two others (and assuming anybody outside his immediate family still cares), he will run headlong into official Next Big Thing Novak Djokovic, only about ten years after Lleyts was NBT. Nadal has a potentially dangerous first-up date with Wine's Oz memesis, Mardy Fish (edit: scratch the 'nemesis' part as all the Mardmeister needed do that day was watch from over the net).

de Bakker, who to win will need to come out, er, smoking (boom-tish!)

this is perhaps the most awesomely, spectacularly monstrous pun i've seen in over a year. ken c eat your heart out!

Henin just beat Mauresmo 7-5, 6-7, 7-6 in the Eastbourne final in a really bloody terrific match. It would be excellent if this would be the Wimbledon final as well! And I think it might be.

hi dere tennis ILXors, if you are on teh Facebook, please join Extreme Radwanska Sisters Appreciation Mania. It needs more members than just me and Lex.

edward i wd like to not have the word "squ**ing" in my officer title!!!!!

plz amend 2 "who will be annoying pillock tennis commentators like Chris fucking Bailey for years to come"

Okay, I confess, only I am a squeeing fanboy. But FIXED.

50 members by third round!

:D

I met a gigantic tennis fan the other day, and we talked about Wimbledon for about 2 hours. I should recruit him to ILX, stat. (I don't know where he stands on les souers Radwanska though)

Spoke at length to Andrew Castle yesterday, he's our columnist for the tournament. Nice guy. He tips Djokovic and Serena to win. Hopefully I'll get to SW19 this week if I can blag it.

djokovic? out on a limb there, though he's my finalist. darren do you have an email address i can get you on btw?

i'm 99% queueing for a ground pass on wednesday, pending weather.

my only real out-on-limb predictions:

Justine to beat Serena in QF
Chakvetadze to SF (Hingis just off injury and v out-of-form, Jankovic will surely drop dead at some point having played what seems like the last 500 weeks in a row)
Possible random QFist from the Ivanovic/Petrova section...Mirza maybe?
Paszek to make the 4th round in the Golovin/Dementieva section

so SFs would be Henin v Chakvetadze and Mauresmo v Sharapova; same final as last year, Henin to win.

Men's SFs...Federer v Roddick, Djokovic v Berdych, Fed over Djoker in the final. Blah.

Okay, y'all know I love Sania to bits, but I will eat anything you can name if Mirza reaches the QFs this year.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, PRESENTING THE ALL-NEW SVETLANA KUZNETSOVA!

New look:

http://www.sonyericssonwtatour.com/3/global/photogallery/wimbledonparty/f_20.jpg

New hair:

http://i13.tinypic.com/65zwz2q.jpg

Email address sent, Lex.

I like to think i'll be going on Wednesday but it depends on workload and the weather (and the slim chance that I can get the-man-who-took-Wilander-to-five-sets to sort sth out).

IL PLEUT

but certain players more than welcome to stand under my umbrella-ella-ella

1307: "If Murray had pulled out a few hours earlier the draw would have been rewritten. The seeds would have been bumped up and Blake would have become Murray's seed, and Fish would have been brought in as the 32nd seed and avoided Nadal in the first round.

"The lateness of Murray's decision has caused a certain amount of consternation among the Americans in particular."
Five Live's Jonathan Overend

If he needs at least another 10 days before he's fit then why did he leave it so late to pull out?

im playin on yr centre court without yr roofs

Bold Predictions: Hewitt out early enough to make it to the Adelaide Crows match this weekend. No more British players by Round Three. Da Fed to pwn yo ass on grass.

"IL PLEUT"

QUELLE SURPRISE!

If he needs at least another 10 days before he's fit then why did he leave it so late to pull out?

as i understand he wanted to see if he had an adverse reaction to his practice on sunday - assume he did. understandable that he'd want to leave it to the last minute though, obviously he was desperate to play! good decision though. and i do like him a lot but the less british players to hog the airtime the better frankly. maybe this year we can actually watch some tennis.

who gives a shit about mardy fish, seriously.

Americans? Or some of them anyway.

I liked Serena laying down FACTS.

"I believe I'm the best player," Serena said. "If I'm playing well, it's hard for anyone to beat me. It's not even a belief, it's a fact."

Local lass Naomi Cadaver has Wimbers07's first service break - against Martina F Hingis no less (paying attention Dan?).

Oh god, I can't be less excited about one of the next matches on free-to-air being Thimble.

Maybe I should cough up for the website feed things.

Serena's always talked big. If she can back it up fair enough but whenever she can't, the subsequent pointing/laughing is even more fun. It's not actually true, anyway.

Hingis is looking dreadful btw.

So's Federer, actually!

obv he will win and improve as needed, but it WILL be needed.

I started watching that but Gabashvili's first service game was so torturous I switched over - most of the time was consumed by Gabashvili missing serves, falling on his arse while standing up and so on.

Sandshoe Face is already two breaks up (BOO!) on Justin the Gobstopper (YAY!)

Oz Foxtel currently has Rob the Slob already a break ahead of Some Other Gonzales. The online comedians on the official site, with whom I consider us in competition, are calling Henners 'Tiger Tim'. Such sarcasm!

Rodge is looking so foul he's only one break up.

I think Sandshoe Face might be first into set 2 (6-1 up, obv has the New Jersey Nuisance by the gimels.)

Three reasons why my Wimbledon watching is being severely impeded this year:
1) no telly
2) work insanely busy so no sneaking off
3) six month old baby

Waahhh :(

oh and I suppose i need to add
4) rain

AND I didn't even get my annual trip to Eastbourne this year.

I think Sandshoe Face might be first into set 2 (6-1 up, obv has the New Jersey Nuisance by the gimels.)

He was beaten by Kaia Kanepi who has had time to win the first set AND start trailing in the second 1-2! Not letting him have that particular record.

Arch, a mate of mine here in Melbourne told me with his new-born he's already seen a complete FA cup Final for the first time in Godknows and is looking forward to the same thing with Wimbledon amd the Open Golf.

You might miss Wimbledon but you could see a hell of a lot more of the Oz Open.

Also a set up: a gentleman called Harfield who, as you've no doubt already guessed, is Argentinian

And shall we get it out of the way right now? Despite this Federer/Gabashvili being absolutely appalling, the commentators, including the ever-fuckwitted Fred Stolle, are talking up how it's good! "This guy's only 22, and he's got a good grass-court game".

NO HE DOESN'T SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

The scoreboard on the official site is a point ahead of the BBC live stream. I need to stop spoilerising my sneaky workplace Wimbledon watching.

Good thing i didn't place any bets on Senor Hartfield's Christian name. Half the house each would heve gone on David and Daniel, but it turns out to be Diego.

Stolle fancies himself as the Richie Benaud of tennis. These days he struggles to be the Robin Marlar.

This opening match on Centre Court is the dullest match in the history of tennis, folks.

Fred Stolle is still alive?

Onimo, I'll swap any time. My Broadband connection is so slow I wouldn't be surprised to update and see B. Borg playing somebody.

Is the BBC streaming working? Maybe I can multitask after all...

LOL HINGIS JUST LOST THE FIRST SET TO A BRITISH WILD CARD

hingis pwned

It's kind of depressing to see how she plays nowadays. The rare flash of brilliance - and by rare I mean about four shots in the entire first set - it's so nothingy and passive.

Oh dear. Martina, you look awful. The Martina Hingis Uncyclopaedia article is funny. Losing in a tie-break to Cavaday isn't funny.

I just realised what Da Fed is missing. Get rid of that boring plain white headband, put on the classic Pat Cash checkerboard headband instead. That has never gone out of fashion.

Just switched over to Centre Court and whoever said it was dullsville was right. Rodge 2 sets up and barely had to break INTO a trot.

Gonzalez a break up in the second v Ginepri. Roddick having to fight a lot harder in his second, which looks headed for a tiebreaker.

Cavaday saved set points at 4-5 and 5-6. Martina attempted a ridiculous drop shot at the umpteenth deuce in the 10th game and fluffed it into the net but at least had the decency to look thoroughly embarrassed.

I missed the tie break as I had to do actual work but the official site says she won it 7-1!

Hi dere, tennis thread!

I am useless as ever but if anyone wants to know anything about what Southfields is like during the fortnight, ask me, I lived 30 secs from S'fields station for 20 years. If we stood in the garden during the final we could hear the cheering.

Just twigged Some Other Gonzales isn't Some Other at all, but the 6th seed and Oz Open runner-up. Not that it'd be obvious the way he's drifting through this match. He's just blown his break.

Martina had a second-serve break and gave it back. I'm embarrassed for you, Martina. Embarrassed and sad.

ooh Cavaday breaks back for 4-4 in the 2nd. Hingis looks awful, it's hard to believe that this is the same person who used to skip around the court smiling and effortlessly taking the absolute piss out of the best players in the world.

Cadavay then has the easiest service game of the match so far, Hingis serving to stay in it.

Final point of that game was a hideous fluffed vollet from Tina

First point of this game is a hideous double fault from Tina!

That last forehand, ouch.

30-30...

MP Cavaday!!!

and again...

Cava looks like toppling Hingis.

When will the first comparison with Virginia Wade happen?

Meanwhile, Gonzo fighting back in second-set tiebreak and has two set points - after going three games in this set without winning a point. Wins with first.

this is really depressing

Hingis holds on, saves 2 MPs with really nice drop shot

Sweet shot from Hingis to level the set there :(

whew

btw this "fluffed" descriptor is cracking me up

ooh Hingis with a lucky lob dropping on the line for the break. I think if Cavaday had held there she would have won.

well she's always had a touch with her lob

i'm like really upset i'm not watching this fucking crap right now. what channel?

Well done Tina. You levelled. STILL APPALLING.

I'm watching via the magic of the BBC web site. Feed 3 is the Hingis match.

xp

oooh. so is there TV coverage or what? finals obv

Cavaday keeping impressively steady considering how erratically Hingis has been playing. Will it be enough though?

Nah. Martina doesn't look as if she's remembered she was once the best player in the world, but she has at least remembered that she's playing a British wild-card and is now pretty much home, I'd say, two breaks up.

Yep.

Henman out on Centre Court...

LOSE!

Right now, I would rather be watching the Graceful Gazelle vs Dani with two Is (Gisela Dulko v Eleni Daniilidou, for lurkers). Dulko is a bit of a wimp, really, but she's nice to look at. Eleni is my mother's favourite tennis player and once beat Justine Henin in a GRATE match.

Lots of empty seats, Henmania not quite gripping teh nation yet (or is it just that everyone popped out to the bar after Fed match?).

Martina flashes her triumphant teeth but they are NOT NAUGHTY as they once were.

Carlos Moya has gotten progressively rowr-er with time.

Gisela won her first title earlier this year! I love her.

Tina wins last set in 20 mins.

I usually like to watch Moya. But I am not watching the Henperson.

I WISH I COULD HAVE SEEN THAT FIRST MARTINA SET, IT SOUNDS HILARIOUS

Minor British tennis player walks on court; crowd goes nuts while rest of the world yawns.

Oh no, Tammy T lost to Peer :( I was hoping that she could turn back time and recreate her glorious turn-of-the-century form of like six last 16 showings in a row

ALSO OH NO! The Batshit Insane Goddess Of Our Hearts is in some danger of losing to Camille Pin!

I KNEW THAT WOULD HAPPEN she has managed to lose to ANTONELLA SERRA ZANETTI before of course she's going to lose to Cammie Pan.

Strike up "some danger" to "serious danger". Oh Patty. I wonder if Pin is serving as fast as Antonella Serra Zanetti!

I believe Pin is the only woman on tour whose serve comes close to the might of the Serra Zanetti delivery.

Meanwhile, my televisual choices seem to be between a) Dickhead/Gimeltwat acefest, b) Serena allowing some Spanish clay pusher 20 points max, all on her own UEs, c) Henperson :(

Henman has broken Carlos. This is a bad start, and is making me emo.

Good luck, Tim Henman.

yeah f u hataz, Tim 2 breaks up and i am glad :)

It's only one break.

If you're looking for a men's seed to go - look no further than Kohlschreiber - pwned, bludgeoned and ultimately blunted.

oops multitasking not going so well apparently. Def two points from set as the rain starts though.

So what is this challenge business? Is that new?

New to Wimby, but has been done at other slams. It's pretty good, actually. You get two challenges per set, but you only lose one if you're incorrect when you appeal.

(also RAIN boo)

You get two per set I think and they use technology to make you look stupid.

Henman's last serve before play was suspended was 56mph. I think Carlos had a cigar while he waited on it.

Serena has allowed her Spanish clay pusher to win 16 of her 20 point allocation already.

xp

Camille Pin was in her underwear in the Observer. A bit thick waisted (I don't mean chunky, there just wasn't much hourglass action), but overall she gets my vote.

I'm sure a heavy raindrop got in the way or something...

xp

Did Federer wear the white sportcoat???

Yes! With trousers to match this year too.

The Spanish pusher is SERVING FOR THE SET against Serena.

Alleged clay court player Moya beating Henman at his own game. 70% or net points won to Henman's 54% and has served and volleyed more than Henman has.

Is this the last time we hear "Come on Tim!" at Wimbledon?

He did it in style, wearing a white customized dinner-style jacket - similar to the cream-colored model he donned last year - with a gold crest and letters RF on the breast pocket and retro long white trousers.

"Matching shoes, matching pants, matching vest and headband," Federer said. "It's a very nice outfit."

Federer took off the jacket and warmed up with a white sweater vest and the long pants before getting straight down to business - firing a service winner down the middle on the first point.

so neccessary:
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/42421000/jpg/_42421980_trousers300.jpg

Alleged clay court player Moya beating Henman at his own game.

Spoke too soon, Henman just romped the 4th set 6-2.

Now we're getting the "Henman clap clap clap" thing, possibly the most annoying thing about Wimbledon, just behind "come on Tim!"

BBCi were showing Krajicek v Obziler, of all things. I'm so glad I'm not watching another Henperson five-setter though I suppose it would be a fitting way to go, meaning of course that he has to LOSE THE NEXT SET to fulfil his destiny.

Moya gets the first break.

VAMOS CARLOS

Moya's 2nd serve has been brilliant but it finally let him down there - double fault for the break back. 4-4. Great match.

4 match points saved by Moya to level at 5-5. Play suspended with bad light!

damn

Come on, admit it. You'll all miss these dramatic Gardeners-World-will-be-shown-at-a-later-date post-9pm Henman epics when he finally effs off. 7-5 Moya tomorrow.

To wrap up day 1: Sandshoe Face given a solid workout by Gimelstob but through in straight, Haas untroubled v Flashman, Ayrton Serra outs 27-seed Kohlschlau, Czech Tomas Zib (short for Zipedidoodah?) puts Hartsfield on the hacienda, Gonzalez sweeps through last two sets v Rob the Slob.

Alicia the Aussie Love Machine is through, Batty Patty 8-6 in the last, Serena W home against Madonna's Kid. If MK is ever seen in another Slam I promise to be less obvious.

Alicia vs Serena next. Hmm. That's a shame. On the plus side, I've never noticed before, but how gorgeous is Leesh's profile pic? on file?

Fun game for rain breaks - posting poorly-written sections from players' Wikipedia articles updated by overenthusiastic fanboys/fangirls with little grasp of the English language, let alone Wikipedia's style conventions.

"Many well known people including commentators have referred to her as the "other ova" (referring by this to Maria Sharapova). This is suggested because both in physique and moral, she bears strong similarities to Sharapova. They both have powerful groundstrokes, strong serves, are both tall (Vaidišová is 6 ft., Sharapova is 6 ft. 2 in.), blonde, have sleek figures, and are good looking. However, an important difference remains (beside the fact that Vaidišová has never won a Grand Slam tournament): she is well known for her quick temper and easy demoralisation, wheareas Sharapova is known, alongside Justine Henin, as being one of the most mentally tough players on the tour."

WHERE IS THE CITATION FOR VAIDISOVA BEING GOOD LOOKING, FANBOY?

Well done Tim Henman.

Well done Carles Moya.

That is the first tennis match I have watched "properly" for may years, so lucky old me.

Michael, are you at work today? I am heading into London briefly (solo) and wondered if you and/or Markelby would like to do coffee or swift half or whatever. No obigation obv. I will have my mobile. I don't know why, I just assume this is the fastest way of making contact.

(It is the fastest way... unfortunately, I don't have my mobile with me today. I could email you my work number if you like.)

Elena Baltacha! Remember her? Former great young hope of British tennis, actually won rounds at Wimbledon before falling off the map (numerous injuries, illnesses and so on); bespectacled and "sturdy" of frame (ie dumpy)? Anyway she appears to be BACK BACK BACK, and now she's a glam blonde who's looking very fit and athletic, and who's just lost a first set TB to Srebotnik - but that whole set was extremely well played from both, a lovely all-court match featuring slices and angles and volleys (drive and classic) as well as thumping winners. Srebotnik has to be one of the best reflex volleyers around...

Sammy Sammy Sammy, how can it be that you are seeded 28 and she is ranked 43183 but it seems it is all you can do to hang on like grim death?

Meanwhile the parents among us might like to read about the only mother in the top 100 - Sybille Bammer, who's closing in on the top 20 and who is the only player to have beaten Serena on a non-clay court this year. Here is an article on her from Wimbledon, here is a v good piece from Roland Garros also featuring Rossana de los Rios, and here is a v good piece from Bammer's breakout tournament in Indian Wells featuring the cutest photo evah of her daughter at her press conference.

Baltacha breaks Srebotnik!

One NIKA OZEGOVIC has extended the woes of Anna-Lena Groenefeld. I can't decide whether the pun should be around trainers or Greek goddesses or Australia.

OK, Bammer is my new favourite player. She's the Kristin Hersh of the WTA tour!

Stose authoritatively (eventually) wins second 6-2, makes holding game i set 3 look as hard as whitewashing Hammersmith Bridge with a toothbrush. I can't stand it - what's on 9?

Has anyone tried the live video streams from wimbledon.org? It tries to install some DRM shit, so I closed it before getting to the point where it might've asked me to register or pay. BBC has three live video streams for UK users (Jackson-Mauresmo, Baltacha-Srebotnik, Ljubicic-Spadea at the mo').

Channel Ex-Eddie is showing Mesmo already a set and a break up on Janet Jackson, whilst encouraging all Oz to breathlessly wait for the start of Lleyton 'What have you done lately' Hewitt's 2007 crusade.

what chewitt has done for me lately = lose in round 1 of queen's, i was v grateful for that :D

Meanwhile, elsewhere Sammy the Stoat has broken in the third, Safin is two very tight sets ahead of 'De Voest Player In De Voeld', and Vince Bloody Shovela is 2-1 plus break up on Ljubicic. Foy Looby Loo it will soon be 'time to go home'.

Sammy through 6-2 in the third. Mesmo/Miss Jackson has a few bright spots, but.. enh.

Lleyton looks "serious" on a practice court. He'll probably lose to anyone ranked in the top 50.

Agnost two sets and a break on United Colors, and Kevin Kim from Kalifornia and Nico Lapentttttti look bound for a fifth set.

Looby Loo has broken back.

Dick Bloomfield is probably ranked in the Top 50 in England - would that count?

Foxtel now showing Inspector Blake v Andreev. Blake looking the better early, and striking a bold early claim for the 'Thickest Headband Award'. Also, given the total lack of foliage on the Blake melon, the most redundant....

blake looks like a total twat in that headband!

Henners-Moya 6-6, Henman's hold the easier.

Blake through after blowing a 4-1, two-break lead in the third. Henners and Moya now 8-8.

come on tim

Looby Loo wins in fourth.

When you gonna learn to read the !@#$% board properly, Nerk!

BBC feed all over the place now - it's like watching that White Stripes video. The one with the Lego. I think it's 9-8 to Henman.

10-9 to Tim Henmaniac according to BBC website.

I've gone the standalone player route and it's a bit better. Henman serving at 10-10 30/15.

Wine blows 1st set to DeBacle in tiebreak. Hewitt and Bloomers away. Centre court epic now 11-11.

BREAK POINT MOYA VAMOS VAMOS

Gorgeous backhand topspin pass at the net from Carlos to get another one. Mwah!

No avail :(

Was a good game that one.

Two match points for Henman after an easy lob over stranded Carlos at the net. NOT HAPPY

this is interminable

i don't really mean the match, which is good, i mean hen"mania"

i want it LAID TO FUCKING REST right here

Another match point for Henman.

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

double fault!

The way I feel about Henman is, I think, the same way you Britishes probably feel about Hewitt.

i hate henman and hewitt both

Yay! Come on Tim ;-)

I haven't even seen the rest of the Henmatch but bloody hell, first round matches should NOT be this hard for someone we're all supposed to get behind, surely? British sport fans really are gluttons for punishment :(

Wine's just butchered another tiebreaker.

I haven't even seen the rest of the Henmatch but bloody hell, first round matches should NOT be this hard for someone we're all supposed to get behind, surely?

I'm not getting behind Henman!

De Bacle breaks in third. Goodbye and good luck, Wayne.

Just as I wrote him off - Wine brikes, back on level terms in third. Hewitt now well on top of Bloomers.

I haven't even seen the rest of the Henmatch but bloody hell, first round matches should NOT be this hard for someone we're all supposed to get behind, surely? British sport fans really are gluttons for punishment :(

Well, he was playing the 25th seed, a former world #1 and French Open champion. Henman is hardly a contender thesedays (ranked 74) - despite Moya's lack of grass-court pedigree, this counts as an upset, I think. Next up he plays Lopez, a Spaniard who IS comfortable on grass (quarters here two years ago) but is ranked a little lower than Henman (78). I make Lopez slight favourite for that too.

AMERICANWATCH: You'll recall that not one single US homme reached the second round of the French. Surely that was only due to that wacky sandy surface they use there, right, and the grass should suit them better, right?

Well, only TWO out of ten USAnians have gone through so far (and after all one HAD to go through of An Rod and Gimelsbot). Also, not looking entirely good for Mar the Fish.

Would that neither of A-Rod bs Stobshite had gone through. Curse impossibility.

Arfurs now well and truly back in the hunt. Broke De Bakker fitst game set 4 and appaerntly Debs has a bit of a reputation for stage fright.

Bloomfield conceding nothing to Hewitt in the third. Meggsie Shaughnessey's Wimbledon has about three games to run, down a set, a break and two break points. Benny Becker and the Great Expectorator encoring Moya-Henman at 6-6 in the fifth. Nailbags through, Lena Horna fighting back against Calleri, Venus already defending a break point against a Russian I can't be bothered spelling.

Hewitt now serving for the match. Something Lleyters traditionally makes a comprehensive arse of.

re: US players being crap, that's to say nothing about the high Brit wastage rate. Keothavong got just 2 games of Jankovic. Oddly, that's probably one more than expected.

Keothavong did twice as well as Anastasia Pavlyuchenkova (whose name I had to copy and paste) managed against Hantuchova.

Venus 5-2 down.

Not a good day for teh kidzor. Even against Hanturexia! (love that name, Lex!)

Alla Kudryavtseva! How the bloody hell do we nickname that!

My second husband (Tomas Berdych) looking good against Massu.

AND AND AND! Alize Cornet is beating Kirilenko. Can anyone see this, and is Kirilenko wearing something ugly, pink or both?

Pavlyuchenkova's senior career is rather disappointing so far considering her junior record.

Keothavong v Jankovic was as painful as you'd expect.

Kudryavtseva takes the first set 6-2 against Venus!

"Venus is having some trouble with the dimensions of the court. Lengthways. And widthways." - Annabel Croft

Why do I find the name Yvonne Meusberger funny? (Nothing to do with her serving for it against Virgine Razzano and her nice glasses. If she's wearing them.)

x-post LOL.

De Bakker is, you know, almost attractive until he opens his mouth. Or does anything, in fact.

Goddess on a Mountain Top! Burning like... someone who's just gone down a break in the second. I like her hair though.

MOUSE BURGER

and lol mouse burger is TERRIBLE that's a TERRIBLE loss for razzie razz!

Okay, um, De Bakker looks like a sleeker version of a guy I went on a date with last month who kept looking at me, and this is now putting me off.

WINE BREAKS! I feel now would be a good time to throw in a reference to not-very-good mid-90s Australian kids TV show The Wayne Manifesto, but.. there really is no time for such a thing. Take that, de Bakker. You and your strange eyes and obsequiousness and the way you appeared to have no general knowledge about the world or ANYTHING and insisted on going somewhere with gluten-free things evne though YOU ARE NOT INTOLERANT.

(pardon, I am projecting).

And what's this? Virginie Razzano breaks Mouse Burger back. Well, I never. She's still in some ish.

Venus has awoken!

Cood-ree-avt-se-vah, is how I just heard it pronounced. So it's another -seva like our good friend Discount Booze, so what is being sold cheaply in this store?

This is pretty impressive stuff - lots of really hard, fast and flat flat flat balls. I can only imagine how this looks from a court vantage point.

A pity more of those balls aren't landing inside the court.

Ice Cream beat the Lesser Maria by the way.

Oh, they've been a lot better in the last few games, Lex!

Well done, Tim Henman.

Unfortunately I missed it.

Michael, I did not see your reply before I left. Never mind. I went to the White Stripe coffee bar just in case. It is quite expensive, isn't it?

My work telly broke at 9-9 30-30 in the Henman game. I had to go and listen to it on Five Live in my car :-(

Kudryavtseva was such a petulant, immature drama queen. I'm glad Venus won.

She's the new Zvonareva! Just as insane.

Kuznetsova v Vakulenko was intermittently v good btw, though as with all Sweater matches it seemed curiously stop-start.

Djokovic was impressive but more importantly REALLY HOTT.

I'm off! To Wimbledon! Now! Agnieszka Radwanska awaits...

Also, my umbrella-ella-ella is at work and I don't possess a raincoat :/

Sign up people for our sadly not-swelling group, Lex.

Cood-ree-avt-se-vah, is how I just heard it pronounced. So it's another -seva like our good friend Discount Booze, so what is being sold cheaply in this store?

Images of Lisa Kudrow.

Can you believe this Boston Globe article? Do they always compare sportsmen to historical characters???:

"BUD COLLINS
Wind in the sails of Brits
Henman buoys hopes with five-set thriller
By Bud Collins, Globe Correspondent | June 27, 2007

LONDON -- Was this slim man in short pants the reincarnation of Sir Francis Drake, the combative 16th-century limey who sank the Spanish Armada?

Sign up for: Globe Headlines e-mail | Breaking News Alerts Well, no. It was only Tim Henman, who has been sinking deeper and deeper himself lately, nearing the end of a career that once gleamed as he distinguished himself as the personification of British tennis. That's all. Just Tim against the world. Never won Wimbledon, of course. No Englishman has since Fred Perry in 1936. But he's made the semifinals and quarters four times apiece, and often stirred the nation at Wimbledon time with dramatic victories and defeats.

For five years, he inhabited the planetary top 10, but listing and leaking, practically dismasted, and descended to No. 78, Henman hardly seemed able or likely to rouse the homeland one more time. Especially with a dangerous Spaniard in the house firing broadsides at him.

Nevertheless, like Drake himself, Henman, ever the daring attacker, responded vibrantly to the cheers and pleas of the home multitudes. Captivatingly, he captured the second day of the 121st Wimbledon. He did it the old-fashioned way, as a clever serve-and-volleyer.

Also, in Drake-speak: "I stuck to my guns. It might have been sweet [to finish it earlier], but perhaps this scenario is even better. It was fantastic for me."

It took a long time. A three-act melodrama in five sets and 4 hours 10 minutes, spanning two days, had the British Isles bouncing until Carlos Moya, well-armored in muscles, finally went to the bottom of Centre Court, 6-3, 1-6, 5-7, 6-2, 13-11.

Act I seemed routine enough. Rain chased the two from the battlefield for 90 minutes in the second set. On once again for Act II, they zigged and zagged into the fifth set as the largely patriotic full house of 13,800 whooped and hollered. Echoing them were the thousands on a rise at the end of the grounds known as Henman Hill, concentrating on a gigantic TV screen. Who knows how many screen-absorbed homebodies were also jiggling?

Moya, the French Open champ of 1998 and a quarterfinalist in Paris recently, had a 5-4 lifetime edge on Henman, but they'd never clashed on grass. It looked like curtains for the homeboy as he fell behind two break points (2-4, 15-40) in the fifth. Somehow he found a life raft, and kept charging to almost push Moya overboard in the 10th game. Four match points. He held his weapon against the Spaniard's throat, but it was Moya's turn to escape to 5-5. They had been fighting each other and darkness, and the latter won at 9:16 p.m.

"Carlos and I agreed that was enough at 5-5," said Henman. "Tomorrow would be soon enough to finish. I slept well. Really. Didn't wake up until the alarm went off at 8:45. I've been through this before. Goran .He meant the 2001 champion Goran Ivanisevic, and their stop-and-go, rain-punctuated semifinal that spread over three days. It was Henman's best shot at the title.

"It was a great atmosphere, even if most were for Tim," said Moya, who ranks No. 22. "It was fun the way we played."

Fun to behold, too. Moya, the solid baseliner, showed that two can play at serve-and-volley. Up the deuce set they climbed (no tiebreaker in the fifth) like Hillary and Norgay, avoiding traps that could have meant plunges to defeat.

Although this was just one sideshow in a major, and will have nothing to do with who becomes champion, it may be remembered as the tournament's most beguiling encounter. Instead of the fashionable hanging back and banging mindlessly, they tried everything, ever seeking the net, making few mistakes despite the difficult volleying and angled duels.

Henman held to 10-9 through two deuces, finishing with a sweet court-length forehand. Moya got to 10-10 but was 2 points from dismissal. Henman's crisis was the nine-minute 23d game. Barely hanging on to 12-11 as his claque gasped, he eliminated 2 break points with aces, and completed the game with a second-ball ace.

"It was a kicker that took a weird bounce," sighed Moya.

Fired up by his determined self-defense, Henman had Moya out on the yardarm facing 2 match points, one on a nifty lob. The Spaniard dodged with winners, a serve on one, a volley on the other.

But Henman wouldn't let up, moving to match point No. 7 with a lusty forehand. Cornered, Moya tossed for a second serve and swung.

"I tried to make it too good," he said.

The ball floated beyond the service line. Double fault on lucky 7 for Henman.

"At that stage, you'll take any gifts," he said. "You might prefer a great shot of your own, but I was happy to see it go long."

So was tennis-poor Britain, and pleased that Henman, closing in on his 33d birthday, can still scuttle a Spaniard or two, maybe Feliciano Lopez today.

But the Armada hasn't disappeared. Rafa Nadal is still around, looking to flog would-be Francis Drakes."

the bbc website's coverage of the match was roffle-tastic at times too, speshly when they mentioned henman snr, saying things like "tim's father looks like he hasn't blinked in fourteen years" and "henman snr looks like he has the kind of emotional relationship with his son where they shake hands twice a year, once on his birthday and once at christmas".

Bud Collins is one of the better sports writers going around, especially in the USA.

Dementieva well on top of Dechy.

And some fella called Falla has Gonzo in serious bother in the first set. Annie Johnson (Ana Ivanovic) bagelled a Hungarian called Czink but was broken early in the second. The Battle of the Aussies has Pratt a set up on Casey Delinquent.

Looking at Golovin v somebody from Chinese Taipei. Tat was called a 'stylist' by the Fox commentators but right now her get-up reminds me disturbingly of Bucks Fizz.

Um. I'm not getting excited. But Molik has a break.

Not any more she don't.

Played a couple of stupid shots to lose it, too, esp that last cheeky drop.

Alicia! GO DOWN THE LINE FFS.

Make no mistake, this is a bad match. Tie-break!

Molik 4-2 in tiebreaker.

I'm not getting excited either but Serena seems to be limping slightly and after the second last point her free hand went straight to her shoulder.

Back on serve....

From a mini-break up to one down, this is just... bad. Come on Alicia.

Dementieva just beat Dechy.

Yay Elena!

7-6 to Serena. Awful, awful tennis. Alicia's point construction skills be looking hella questionable.

Goddamnit. Serena wins tiebreak BUT MOLIK WILL COME BACK TO WIN 2 SETS TO 1!

We hope!

TOMORROW NIGHT FOR AUSTRALIAN VIEWERS: Our Lleyton following The Footy Show.

At last, we discover who the most annoying Australian is: Sam Newman/Rugby League Players In Drag Vs. Lleyton Hewitt. (Special Guest Umpire: The Drunks Shouting "WAYNE-O!" During Wayne Arthur's match last night.)

AT LAST!!!! Molik holds atfer two double faults.

Helps when you get your first serve in, eh Leece?

MOLIK BREAKS!!! The winning shot a yorker Dennis Lillee would have been proud of.

Sammy the Stoat down 5-1.

Except she's just given it back, hasn't she. I've never even heard of the girl who's pwning Sam.

Haha lol

Also Roddick vs Udomchoke, lol

Serena breaks again. Leece now serving to stay in the match.

And I'd say it's all over. Two dropped serves in a row, not good enough. Interested to see what % she's getting in but I'd bet it's very low.

(fyi wimbledon.org seems to update faster than the feed you guys are watching, which makes me glad I didn't blatantly say "haha Serena won")

Yeah, the TV here is about a couple of minutes behind. But it's all I have.

53 of 77 = 69 % of first serves? Get outta town!

Molik right now doing a good job of hanging in....and now has a second break point.

And she's done. Ah well.

All to no avail but a good effort nonetheless. At the same stage in January, Alicia was completelty thrashed by a far lesser player than SW.

I can't get the stream to work today :(

Ooh got it going just in time for Henin.

Lol at Henin. She looks well about to bagel the Douchebag!

The Stoat came back from 2-4 down to win the second set 7-5. Well done, Sam. Even if you do like James Blunt.

Gasquet beats Mahut in straights, and their embrace at the net was kind of steamy.

Martina F. Hingis PROJECTED TO GO THROUGH with no problems this time, 1 and 2 over Nakamura - i.e. she's serving for it. Which she probably should have done by now. Perebiynis serving for it against The Reflex. Safarova up a set over Danii, and has just retrieved a break. Jankovic and Federer cruising. Level second set between Buff Elf and the other OTHER Vera.

Shahar Peer is making Kanepi look more Suntribe than Vanilla Ninja at this stage.

Sammy Sunglasses serving to stay in it.

Last year's girls' singles winner -- and sole Nordic hope in the ladies' -- Caroline Wozniacki (16 for a few more days) beats An Yakimova 5 & 2.

Arrgh rain!

Oh well. It's been a good day for ILE faves, regardless. A run-down of these, then.

AGNIESZKA BLOODY RADWANSKA beat Pironkova two and one. Pironkova, I think, once beat Venus Williams. But she didn't beat Agnieszka Radwanska. This result has caused mass squeeing from me, but absolutely none from The Lex, oh dear me no. In other sister-tennis-phenom news, Bondarenko Jr went out. Oh well.

Tax Breaks, Mpaperfolding, Tati-G, Little Miss Marat, Victoria Azarenka (a bright young thing who I don't believe we've nicknamed yet), non-entity and one-time bizarre quarter-finalist Severine Bremond, St Angel and John Wayne Bartoli all won. Anna Smashnova's probable last Wimbledon match was a DOUBLE BAGEL LOSS to Martina Muller. Skeevy won too, probably to the delight of a certain fancier of Italiennes around here. Sybille "Mummy Dearest" Bammer lost.

A-Hole through in tedious fashion. Gonzalez cornering the market on coming back from one set deficits to win again. Janko Tennis Raver won in five sets. Fernando Verdasco also won. Well done Fernando Verdasco.

Funky Cold Medina was another seed destined to remain underground this time, AMG losing to Virginia Ruano Pasquale in a game that had a delayed start because they had to widen the scoreboard to fit both names.

MEMO TO ALL OTHER POSTERS: ALL references, by myself or anybody else, to Serena Williams' dubious fitness, OR her multifarious nagging injuries, OR her regular awkward and nasty-looking collisions with the terrain, OR her constantly worried facial demeanour which reminds me so eerily of Condaleezza Rice, OR the St Pauls' Cathedral-sized chip she perpetually carries on her shoulder these days, should be instantly ignored for they are UTTERLY IRRELEVANT. She will NEVER look like winning this thing, until the moment she's shaking the Queen's gloved hand and the light from the late afternoon sun is glinting off the silver dish straight back into the Beeb camera. You read it here first.

I'm back! I had fun! Here is what I did and who I saw.

We drifted to the practice courts first but decided a brief glimpse of Benesova wasn't worth dealing with the mass of people there...first players sighted wandering around were Dulko (gorgeous in person), Krajicek (smaller than I was expecting), Groenefeld (even fatter than I was expecting, but she was smiling and laughing at least!), Cilic (didn't recognise him) and Yan (giggling with a gaggle of friends).

We got front row seats for Ivanovic first on the basis that all the matches we wanted to see were on at the same time, but Ivanovic would at least take care of business quickly. She dominated the first set, obv...but if Czink had taken advantage of the few points she was actually controlling, it wouldn't have been as bad a score.

We left after the first set to point and laugh at Tati, who was very up and down, as you'd expect. In some games her serve would click and half the points would be aces/service winners, in others she'd manage to lose from 40-15 up with DFs and errors - it was a bit of a breakfest. I liked Hsieh's game - her low flat BH scored her many points - and actually ended up rooting for her, even though I'd gone to support Tati, because she really shouldn't be stuck in Challengers still, and winning this would have done wonders for her. She was 5-3 up in the third but lost her first serve when serving for it, and Tati got angry enough to actually hit shots hard enough for winners. Tati looked a bit thinner than the last time I saw her but her body shape is still a bit weird in a way I can't quite put my finger on. Hsieh is really skinny and has an odd walk, she doesn't appear to bend her legs at the hip at all, just the knees. There was a rain break mid-match which we took advantage of to start on our wine.

Then over the alleyway to Paszek and BarbOra. Paszek is amazing, really fired up and immense off both wings - could stand to lose a little puppy fat though. BarbOra was actually playing OK, a nice all-court game, her tantrums were fun though - after one missed volley she sank to her knees and - I believe she was addressing the net here - let out this stream of plaintive Czech which lasted for about two minutes, complete with drama queen head shaking and arm waving. Future career as Shakespearian tragic heroine beckons. Paszek meanwhile will probably lay a beatdown on Tati in the next round - and she seems like the kind of girl who LOVES to give beatdowns.

After that Sarah went to be anxious about Serena on the big screen while I headed over to A-RAD!!!! I love A-Rad. The first point I saw was a beautiful drop shot from way behind the baseline, Pironkova got to it and A-Rad responded with a VOLLEYED BACKHAND SLICE LOB. The next point she won with a BH slice which I swear didn't even bounce. At the changeover Pironkova started crying.

I think we went to Safarova v Daniilidou next - the very first point after we sat down (start of the second set), Safarova fell awkwardly - she didn't cry out when she fell but she didn't get up and was clearly in a lot of pain - she was holding her knee and crying so the ump and Daniilidou both went over to her. After treatment she seemed to be walking OK, and her strokes were still just as good but you could tell she was a bit hesitant about running, which swiftly dug her a 0-4 hole - after that though she broke at love, held at love, broke after being 0-40 down on ED's serve, and we thought she'd come back to take the set, but threw in a careless service game at 3-4. We left after ED won the set. It was a very well played match but we were pretty certain Safarova would take it - apart from the 4-game injury blip everything was working for her, Daniilidou was hitting nice shots but both her serve and her movement seem to be even worse than when she was in the top 20.

We did intend to see men's tennis but missed Wussquet due to him actually winning quickly, and Tursunov never got on court - at around 4.30 it started to rain lightly (and play wasn't resumed), we spent the rest of the time getting pissed in the Pimm's tent :D Also sad I missed Fishin' Hat and Little Ayumi, but their match was on the other side of the grounds from the Tati/Tamira/A-Rad/Ana matches. I must say I am DEVASTATED that I missed the Muller/Smashnova classic though.

LOL at Sequera beating Stosur.

Great on-the-spot report there Lex.

Local hack comms fancy Wine's chances v Tommy Robredo. The best-known line from 'The Castle' comes to mind almost immediately....

Hanturexia v Discount Booze is v good right now! Hantulimia won the first set, at 5-5 in the second she managed to get to 40-0 on Booze's serve with some AMAZING winners, Booze saved them w/ some v good shots, then went 30-0 up and had two set points on DH's serve - lost them both, fluffed an easy putaway at deuce, and now they're in a tie break.

Agnost two sets up on Lapentttti. The Expectorator in serious trouble v Roger-Vaseline, about to go two sets down. Hantorexia (or as I prefer, the Human Coathanger) getting on top of Discount Booze.

Wine had broken Robredo!

Discount Booze aborted by the Coathanger :(

Fed is slowly cooking Del-Potroast, 6-2 7-5 3-0. Berrer (God I hope he gets to play Ferrer sometime!) a set up on

Fed is slowly cooking Del-Potroast, 6-2 7-5 3-0. Berrer (God I hope he gets to play Ferrer sometime!) a set up on 21 seed Jimmy Tursanov.

Fred, Robredo once lost a set to Scoddie Draper (smashing bloke of course, I think my brother once played doubles against his brother back on the courts at Milton when the QCLTA used them but never really a massive threat), so he's VERY capable of losing a set to Aussie journeymen.

Especially on grass.

I do admit Arfurs did win that first set with a deal to spare. But Robby Tomtedo does have a couple of levels of intensity still to be reached, judging by some of the lazy slop he served up in set 1.

Wine has just seen off his first break point.

Which will be good practice for his second, which he now faces.

Arfurs holds after 3 break points. But Robredo is finding his range and serving far more consistently now.

Fed 6-1 in the third. Jonas Bjorkman, who must be nearly as old as Fred Stolle, bagelled David Wang in the first and is on serve in the second.

Chela has been lubricated.

Arfurs can still worry Robredo's serve but Tommy looks like holding here after a couple of break points.

Wine takes set 2 in a tiebreaker. Tommy is starting to look more than a little cacked off.

The commentators, of course, love it, because Wine serves and volleys 98% of the time (literally). Still, well done Wine.

You know that. I know that. Even Fred bloody Stolle knows that. How in the hell come TR can't figure it out??!!

Meanwhile, Henners is now serving to stay in the second set after losing the first to Nancy Lopez.

Wine breaks in the third. Okay, with that serve, he's dangerous. But his returning of serve is so.. punchless, I'm amazed he gets anywhere near Robredo.

Guccione vs Davydenko should be interesting. On the one hand, Guccione has a big serve but is otherwise completely crap. But on the other, Davydenko sucks at Wimbledon.

The match point for Wine vs Robredo was pretty amazing! Robredo hit a perfect lob into the back right corner, and Wayne ran for it, ran around it and hit a great passing shot thing. GRATE. Anyway, it's Arf Arf 6-3 in the third. Well done, Wine.

Nobody who saw the Fish debacle at Melb Park could possibly begrudge him.

Tim two tie-breakers up the Swanee and has just been broken first game in the third.

Henperson comes back from a break down to win set 3. Hopefully Lopez just tanked that set to be nice.

I am steadfastly watching Sugiyama v Cornet instead. It's kind of hypnotic.

Ice Cream finally takes first set on her 7th set point!

Oh look, it's another Henmang five-setter. I hope he wins and loses in r3 for the Going For A Tsonga headlines.

Somehow you just know he's going to drop serve after cruising like that for two sets.

And on cue...

Henman draws level, Hewitt a set and a break up on somebody called Simon Bollelli, Mpaperfolding about to serve for the first against Dinara S, Petrova mirdering Murza, and the ice cream seems to have well and truly melted with Boom Crash Sugiyama running off eight games to zippo since the end of the first, Calories has three set points to recover to 2-1, Baghdatis (of whom little has been observed so far) 2-2 in second after bagelling Devilder (a name of boundless promise) in the first.

STOP PRESS: Nancy 3-0 in the decider v the Henperson.

and he nearly lost his serve there! 1-3 it is.

Lopez holding with ease now.

wtf @ this:
Henman eases away another volley to set up three break points, and as Lopez's forehand flies long he runs to the net, stares his opponent right in the snout and points to his own eyes. Break of serve, and that was the most aggressive thing I've ever seen Tim do. It was vaguely shocking, like hearing your mother use the f-word while in conversation with her friend Dorothy Freshwater.

Meanwhile, a Bosnian-born Septic called Amer Delic (Psycha?) is looking a fair thing to pinch a set off whiz kid Novak Djokovic.

Tim looking leggy. He's done.

Broken with a call challenge.

(onimo, can you link? I want to read more piffle!)

Hooray! Tim is gone, no more Henmania, no ottomans are eaten and coverage is BACK TO NORMAL SURELY.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/tennis/6245478.stm

YESSSSS

FINALLY IT ENDS

No more "Come on Tim!"s?

Murray Mound for next year?

"We hope, for the sake of British tennis, to see him back again." - Fred Stolle.

No. No. No. No. No. I cannot even begin to go into what's wrong with that sentence.

i'm just going to assume he's done, now, and will retire soon, and therefore NEVER EVER AGAIN WILL I HAVE TO GO THROUGH THIS MADNESS I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S ALL OVER MY JOY IS UNBOUNDED AT THE THOUGHT OF NO. MORE. HENMAN!!!!!!!

Lol - Packer TV has shown the draw and have spelled "Monfils" without the N.

Gooch, despite being 6'7 is completely unattractive. Perhaps with his dodgy scratchy facial hair he fancifully thinks he looks like Jim Courier.

like that would be any better?

Guccione breaks after a successful challenge. Kolya really cannot play for shit on grass, and while previous results have backed this up, I am surprised to see how bloody awful these first four games have been.

x-post - well, maybe he thinks if he looks like him, he might win more!

guccione is unwatchable. king kolya is just not the same on grass. this is still preferable to watching sharapova.

43% of first serves in! Really now, I'm sorry, but surface can't explain THAT.

LOL Kolya now down two sets and nearly a break. Mauresmo has just started playing MOUSE BURGER. There is no way in the history of the world that Mauresmo could play badly enough to lose to someone called Meusburger, surely.

Nikolay's skills at the net are probably just about as good as mine.

http://sports.espn.go.com/sports/tennis/wimbledon07/news/story?id=2919174

oh, wimblepaws

i was at that match and never once noticed her knickers, i was too busy worrying about her DOUBLE FAULTS, god

also, HURRAH FOR KING KOLYA

"Gooch, despite being 6'7 is completely unattractive. Perhaps with his dodgy scratchy facial hair he fancifully thinks he looks like Jim Courier."

Maybe he's going for the Deliverance half-crazy look. With a big nod to that other latter-day lanky, unidimensional serve-and-hope-like-hell-I-don't-need-to-volley specialist Goran Ivanesic. The vital difference being that Gors really was as mad as a fart in a bottle, which did sometimes have potential to a) intimidate and b) appear superficially interesting. I doubt if Gooch can carry that off, although appearing less interesting than the Grim Reaper (his conqueror last night) would in and of itself be an achievement not to be scoffed at.

Somehow I managed to catch the Serena & Venus doubles match today just as it started. How this happened I don't know because I don't even have cable at home and had no idea when they were playing. What luck!

Now I've figured out that you can actually watch Wimbledon online in the US if you pay some money. So I'm looking forward to more of the Williams sisters. Maybe I'll even get interested in some other players...or not.

Massive x-post: '....they use technology to make you look stupid.'

For some players the technology is hardly needed at all.

I went to bed after Demidenko won the third set. I knew it would happen. Helen may be bad on grass, but I knew there was no way he would loose to Scooch.

Could Safin possibly upset Fed? There aren't too many with a 2 in the wins column against him.

He could! He probably won't, but I hope it'll be really grand anyway. I go for Federer in the Fed/Nad rivalry, but Marat supersedes BOTH. He's just too handsome.

I went to Wimbledon yesterday. Saw Adam Gilchrist there!

OMG Safarova was down a break to Jankovic, but Lucie got the break back with the jammiest net cord EVAH. Typical lucky git, shagging Tomas Berdych, luck with the net... I should hate her. But I like her!

she's amazing. most piercing eyes since lina krasnoroutskaya

and i LOVE watching her lefty forehand

There are ducks on court 5. Aw. That last service game, she was whacking those forehands everywhere and making Jelena quite perplexed. GOOD!

Look over there! Bondarenko Sr has leveled at a set apiece with Batty Patty. Janko Tennis Raver a set up over Fernando #5.

And the Australian Commentary Cuntos have LLEYTON in the studio. He's being annoying but the are talking about Mark Philppoussis's stupid reality show and Lleyton at least, despite laughing, isn't even bothering to disguise his utter disdain at the whole thing. Point for that. Still, SHUT UP EVERYONE.

Any prizes for guessing wot channel Mark Philippoussis's Stupid Reality Show is on?

Does the middle letter look like Mark's IQ?

Jankovic got broken to lose the first set on a double-fault! I don't really like her at all, really! Go Lucie!

GAH, Anna !!! is down a set to Krajicek...

Dondage now 4-1 on Batty Patty in the third. MerdeTV showing it live.

Right now AB is doing a not bad job of handing her break back.

And an even better one of butchering three break points in her next game.

Safarova saves a break point, hits a nice winner and yes, you can see her nipples. She is the new Hantuchova! Except not stick thin!

Batty Patty is throwing these huge forehands at Bondy but finally loses the chance to break. Now BP is serving to stay in the match, without difficulty so far..

I don't like the weird little collar thing on Safarova's dress though.

I only just started up the BBC stream because I assumed it was pissing down - it's been like November all morning here.

Safarova/Jankovic is a really great match. I want 3 sets because I'm enjoying it so much.

Batty breaks to 7-6

Every time I switch over to Janko v Saf it's either an ad or a challenge.

Batty Patty wins 8-6 after being down 2-4! Heck knows what she's going to dedicate THAT to.

Safarova just played one really lousy game - double fault, couple of unforced errors, and has given Weird Jel the break. Three set! Great! Except not if it's six games like that, Lucie.

That was NOT a good game for her to lose. But yay for a longer match hopefully.

Noooooooo Alona

Why does Batty suddenly care about sticking around at Wimbledon? Every time she's turned up befire she's basically tanked and now here she is coming back from big deficits in all her matches.

I might give Safarova the edge in a third set anyway: Jankovic has got to be dead tired. And Lucie pulled off big upsets in Australia and Paris, so it's not as if she should be choking.

Safarova breaks back! The angles, children! The angles!

A gratuitous picture of Severine Bremond

in one of the papers today there's a glam shot of mrs bremond at a grand piano, on some rocks by the sea

I'll give Jankovic the edge in the third, Safarova's serve has fallen badly in the last few games.

Medical timeout for Jankovic...

... oh and now rain.

YEAH COME ON ANNA !!! TAKE THE THIRD

Why does the wimbledon.org scoreboard say it's 1-0 Jankovic when it's 2-1? Is it just my end?

Patty's pearls of wisdom were cast for our edification on MerdTV.

She refrained from dedicating her win to the Great Prophet Zarquon, but there was a lot of stuff about her imminent memoirs, and a couple of references to her husband, who I think was that dude that looked a bit like a younger Colonel Sanders who seemed to get his head in the shot after every point she won.

And it's now 5-2 to Jankovic in the decider, but the Wimby site keeps saying 1-0. The quality of the match has dropped right off too.

I tells ya, if the people who made the instant replay technology possible are working on commission, they are hella rich after this game.

Tipsaveric vs Gonzalez has been v. weird. Tipsy went up 2-0 in the decider, then Gonzalez shot through to 5-3 up, and then failed to serve it out. This could go on forever. But I ssuspect it won't.

Tipsy 8-6 in the fifth. Oddly streaky and such.

Safin two sets down. Ho hum.

Disgraceful loss to Granville from Hingis earlier. Fucking Granville against fucking Krajicek for a QF spot. ROLLING MY EYES.

This is less a Federer beatdown than a Safin meltdown, though that's not entirely accurate either as it would imply something of substance to melt in the first place.

On the plus side, Juanqui! Beating Blake! On grass! WOO and LOL.

Safin much better in the third but, unfortunately for him, Fed raised his serving level to a ludicrous degree - seven aces and 75% first-serve. If he'd served like that in Paris he'd have the Slam.

I've just seen the long-range forecast on Countryfile (was this ever John Craven's Countryfile? Whether he's in the title or not, it still seems to be Craven's bitch) and I wonder whether this tournament can finish on time (i.e. before I go back to work on 9/7).

Right now things aren't too bad - most of the bottom half in the women's round of 32 still to go, all of the men's - but Mon/Tue could easily be as bad as Saturday. Wednesday looks like a clear-ish day but the low-pressure systems roll in again at the end of the week. At best I think both sets of quarters might get completed in and around the showers Thu/Fri with hopefully a sunny weekend to finish it off (Henin-Mauresmo preceding Federer-Djokovic on the Sunday? We hope?) I might be talking balls.

I haven't actually looked at any forecast but if it's that bad, I don't really understand why they didn't do a Middle Sunday...

I guess the (rarely invoked) Middle Sunday is for those occasions when the first week has been completely wrecked and they're 100+ matches behind. I don't suppose they can really enter into the logistical nightmare of staffing up at a moment's notice merely because there's a good chance of further disruption from Monday onwards. Weather was good today after about 3pm though - would've helped...

Potty Patty already a break down v Henin.

SvetKuz also on top of AgRad.

Mpaperfolding blew six set points on Venus, mostly with forehands into the net, and is now going chokey chokey choke choke choke.

Venus has decided to help her out with the worst FH I have EVER SEEN ANYONE HIT EVER, and a really weird double fault which bounced in the wrong box on her own side of the court.

And another double fault which landed pretty much on Mpaperfolding's baseline. 7th and 8th set points for Mpaperfolding, another two errant FHs from her.

Another DF! jesus.

Mpaperfolding takes it on her ELEVENTH set point!

I liked the Venus serve which would have hit her feet if she hadn't got them out of the way quickly enough.

Annie Johnson home 3 and 2 v RSI. Berdych two sets and an early break on Lee. Henin also has an early break in the second.

Venus and Mpaperfolding trade blowing 40-0 leads on each other's serves!

Mpaperfolding serves for match, goes CHOKEY CHOKEY CHOKE, loses serve to love.

Mpaperfolding making a regular pig's ear of serving for the match. Venus might be looking about as convincing as Tony Blair, but if you leave it under her nose long enough she'll eventually decide she may as well grab it.

And yes, Venus is stirring....

....and will now serve for the match.

Mpaperfolding blows two break points, which would have meant another suspension at 6-6, Venus takes it.

Mpaperfolding couldn't get off the court fast enough, and not just to get out of the weather. She don't need tellin' she blew that one sky high.

How many break points did she pass up? Womens' tennis matches are all too often either decided by a total thrashing or a choke.

Venus's break point conversion wasn't exactly stellar. Break point conversion for both = something like 0.0000001%

Marcos wins first set v Nailbags. Raffles working his way on top against Bobbysods.

That last V v Mp set was classic Wattle Park Public Courts on Saturday afternoon stuff, where the receiver has the advantage and the loser has to flatten the asphalt for the next match.

Out on Court 13:

In the grey corner, Niko 'Giggles' Davydenko, the Grim Reaper, both the man and his game dull as ditchwater....

In the multi-color corner, Gael Monfils, Le Fonz, emotional, instinctive, perpetual movement, gets crowd involved....

Classic battle between substance and style? Substance is winning 5-3 as thre rain still falls.

(Apparently yesterday Giggles called Wimbledon 'the worlds most boring tennis tournament.

'Pot? Kettle here. You're black!')

tipsarevic being interviewed

he's so intellectual, even hazel irvine is using words like 'disseminate'

We (Foxtel in Oz) had Henin. Her accent seemed to get thicker the stupider the question she was asked.

They're showing a repeat of Tits Paszek and the Demented Diva. Paszek is coming up with some SICK angles, this girl is for real.

oh god, Mark Woodforde, who you'd think would have more (or at least, SOME) sense, has just encouraged LLEYTON to go to the net more.

Jesus.

Tracy Austin sees Mark Woodforde, and raises him an exhortation for Hanturexia to serve and volley against Serena,

Federer gets four days off as Haas withdraws (Tursanov must be a bit hacked off) - I wonder if anyone's ever won a GS men's title in 18 sets? Perhaps back when the Aussie Open had a 64- or 96-draw or when the US Open introduced best-of-three for every round before the quarters.

Voltaman is strolling the vets' battle - Mullarding Arthur(s) two and one; Sod 'er, Ling is making a battle of set three vs Rafa, Hants similarly persistent vs Serena in their set two.

Oh, and Baggy rattles past Bandy like a pig in a corridor - a little treat for the benches around court 11 (or does that one have seats now?), but all too brief: two, five and love.

Serena sure got some opportune rain fall just now.

Hanturexia served for the second set at 5-3, and promptly dropped eight points in a row because she's a retard. Serena cramped up REALLY badly out of nowhere at 5-5 - bizarre because there hadn't been much exertion from either player, all the points were v short...the commentators said it might be to do with the constant warming up and cooling down. Anyway, she got treatment but was basically immobile; she couldn't serve because she couldn't push off on her left leg, she couldn't run, she could barely hit strokes. AND HANTUREXIA STILL COULDN'T WIN THE GAME! Because she's a retard, and also really bad at tennis. Hanturexia is up 4-2 or something in the tiebreak, Serena will come back after the rain to win five points in a row, Hanturexia will go and commit suicide or something. Fucking retard. I'm so glad I don't like her, but idiocy annoys me.

I think pity got the best of Hanturexia. Like she didn't want to get booed for slamming the ball by a hobbling Serena.

Ooh, Robyin (from Sweden) is threatening Nads! Except Rafael got a break in the fifth just now.

And it's suspended at 2-2 0-2 30-30* while Other Swede Björkman sees orf Arf.

Après Serena, le deluge. Mmm, Djokovic in soaked through white shirt.

Honestly, Hanturexia needs to find another sport. I...just have no words. How can you not beat someone who is to all intents and purposes crippled? No matter, apart from the total embarrassment caused to women's tennis, it would have been horrid to see her in the QF anyway, and now Justine gets her shot at Serena :D

Elsewhere, Krajicek follows in big bro's footsteps, into her first Slam QF. Youzhny and Baghdatis into 4th round.

You have to feel for Canas and Llittle Lleyton: they've only managed to split sets in their third - THIRD - round match, and, you know, there was no way this was ever not going to be an epic five setter finishing 75-73 in the fifth. At this rate they might finish the tournament by the time the US Open starts.

Some proper rain at last (we got that storm here 20min after SW19 and it was a beaut). And some proper drama too. I'm not sure at what point Serena decided that there was absolutely nothing wrong with her (she looked crook until around 2-1 in the 3rd) but she was pretty formidable after that. As formidable as you have to be against hopeless Hants.

How much has Soderling improved since I called him gorgeously useless a few years ago? Nadal favourite again now though. Backlogwatch: Keef-DjokoNkomo (6-7 5-6 *40/30) and Lleyts-AssCanSinatras (6-4 3-6 3-1 *30/40) nowhere near completion and if we only get a coupla hours tennis tomorrow, they could be doublin' up Wednesday. DavyD and Monfils too wussy to re-emerge on court #13, so Koyla missed a chance to wrap it up inside day 7.

Curious to see the order of play for tomorrow...

xp

Annie Johnson breaks back in second v Nadia Petrova who had been working her way back into the match nicely. JCF well on top of Tipsy.

Kuznetsova was on FIYAH against Paszek. Jankovic looks tired and not sharp against Bartoli. Mauresmo managed to choke away a 5-3 lead, then three set points in the tiebreak.

AJ now struggling badly. Mesmo about to break v Vaid the Impaler.

The Champ's gone - Amelie really floundering towards the end vs O Vaid, 1-6 in the 3rd with double-faults and terrible drop-shots galore.

Janko-Barto into a 3rd - and it's raining again. Nadal-Soder resumes after that. Chewy 2-1 up, Ferrero through in three vs Dostoevsky-maven Tipsy.

Meanwhile, Annie J cools her heels at 5-4 15-15 waiting to serve for the match against Petrova....

John Wayne Bartoli is big leggy into the next round. Through in 3 over the barely-able-to-see Weird Jel.

Which she finally does. After about an hour delay Ana draws a long return (30-15), misses an empty court from a feeble return (30-30), plays a wonderful delicate drop from a very difficult situation which Nadia nets (40-30) and reprises the 30-15 point with another deep serve which comes back long (GSM). It all took about 90 seconds.

Now we're looking at HIGHLIGHTS of JCF v Tipsy, which I think finished sometime in mid-late April. Meanwhile, over on Nine, Lleyton has broken Canasta in the fourth, and Wierd Al has fallen to Bartoli.

Cake v Jank was enthralling - Jank looked as if the past 948393023 weeks had caught up with her a bit, but I've never seen Cake play so solidly or so creatively. Some wonderful lobs and BH winners in there.

I hope that, when Jank says she was tired in the presser, someone points out that she maybe shouldn't have played 9393629822022 straight weeks in the run-up to a Slam.

Odd to think that Ivanovic over Petrova is a non-upset. My brain hasn't caught up to the rankings just yet.

shall we say, x-post?

LLEYTON is through, making me look a goose for assuming he would lose to anyone in the top 50.

btw origins of CAKE nickname = http://www.sonyericssonwtatour.com/3/newsroom/stories/?ContentID=831

"I love cake. I really love chocolate cake."

oh pudgy little Marion, this is your Achilles heel.

lol Soderling breaks back immediately. This match will still be going on next week. They are never going to be able to finish the tournament.

Soderling's grooming has improved ande made him look a lot less ug than previously

Hewitt through, serving it out with far more aplomb than veteran LLeyton-watchers are used to seeing in such circs.

OK Lleyters, you've worked on the serve, your volleying has improved out of sight, even the 'come-on' rate has dropped to something near acceptable, but now can we PLEASE do something about that ridiculous pathetic excuse for a 'beard'?

('Cake' it is for Bartoli.)

KING KOLYA is in the second week of Wimbledon for the first time :D

Or, you know, the second week in terms of rounds.

I forgot about "Cake" which I think Lex tried to make an official nickname back at Wimbledon. It is hilarious of course.

spectacular diving volley from Nadal :D

Oh ffs, court covered AGANE.

Did the Grim Reaper actually win, or is it just that his corner of the draw was the most rain-delayed?

Mesmo's PC on MerdTV now.

If the Henin effect (see upthread) was universal, given the inanity of some of the questions (esp the Cockney git and one of the American contingent) she'd be sounding like Maurice Chevalier.

Kolya's through. Though he did try to choke.

According to Australian Tennis Commentators, guess what Monfils should do?

1st guess: Net-rush more

2nd guess: Play properly and don't try to be a smart-arse with EVERY shot

3rd guess: Jack in the 'Fonz' impressions

They're back on (Centre and #1 at least); Roddick breaks to serve for a two-set lead vs Mathieu, Sod-Nal locked at 4-4 in the decider.

They've shoved Venus and Sharapova out on court three but they only managed three points before the deluge. Whither Gasquet-Tsonga? Will they try to parachute that into an outside court now (was supposed to be match #3 on court #1)? Without that (or Rodd-Math) being completed, playing the other top-half men's qf (Fed-Ferr) tomorrow seems kinda wrong (same goes for the bottom-half women's qf if neither Maria R or Venus W is there). Maybe they'll schedule it third on Centre in the expectation that'll it probably be Thursday.

Oh, and it's raining again!

Soderling-Nadal so far:

Saturday evening - warm-up, rain, off they go
Monday 12:10pm - they start, play to 4-6 3-4, rain
Monday 2:58pm - back out, warm up, rain, off they go
Monday 4:15pm - play to 4-6 4-6 6-6 (7/7), Nadal misses an easy f/h on m-p, rain
Monday 7:10pm - play to 4-6 4-6 7-6 6-4 0-2, rain
Tuesday 4:40pm - play to 4-6 4-6 7-6 6-4 2-3, rain
Tuesday 6:35pm - play to 4-6 4-6 7-6 6-4 4-4, rain

It's great, isn't it? Tennis in easily digestible instalments.

really, i've just been pissed off all day that i decided to go into work tomorrow, expecting justine/serena today...and now i'll probably miss it. though if it's a later match i still have a chance i suppose.

so are we 'merkins are going to get to see any nadal/youzhny or baghdatis/davydenko or djokovic/hewitt on our independence day?

In a word, no. Djoko blew a 4-0 lead in the 2nd t/b vs Keifer, so he's a set-all overnight and Nadal's match is obviously in the balance too.

They've not scheduled any bottom-half men's r4 matches tomorrow (or the one top-half qf that could be played [Fed-Ferr], or the one bottom-half women's qf [Ivan-Vaid]) in order to let the r3 guys to catch up - so no Davy-Baggy or Berd-Bjork.

Instead, Rodd-Math play to a finish on Centre, followed by Venus-Maria and Serena-Justine; Sod-Nal finish on #1, followed by Gasq-Tson. Djoko-Keif finish on #2 with Bart-Kraj following.

In theory, by the end of tomorrow, the women will be at the semi stage in the top half, the quarter stage in the bottom; the men a round behind in each case. I think we're looking at Friday women's semis, Saturday men's. Weather could ruin all of this even further.

Forecast for tomorrow is now crap, Thu/Fri better.

How many break points did she pass up? Womens' tennis matches are all too often either decided by a total thrashing or a choke.

-- Just got offed, Monday, July 2, 2007 12:29 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Link

wow, what a way to ruin all these wonderful updates you guys are writing with a sexist comment.

If it's sexist to state the "truth", then so be it. It's not THAT often, but you tend to notice it more when it happens. And it is much more common on the female side of the draw, and I can't see what's sexist about saying it. A significantly larger number of the top female players, or improving ones, are mental weaklings. Few of the top men are.

Of course, it's exacerbated by the fact that cheap games on serve are slightly harder to come by for the lay-deez, so even flighty men can usually serve it out once they get a lead. But still, I'd say nearly a third of the women's top 32 are at least iffy mentally and that'd be double the number of flaky men.

(also, the lack of guts in the women's draw is REALLY glaring when you look at how amazingly mentally tough Serena, Maria and Justine are.)

teh Nadal-Söderling minibeef

NADAL FINALLY WINS AFTER 49330203844 YEARS

there are some notable chokers on the men's side - Paul-Henri Mathieu has a particular tendency to squander 5-0 leads and RIGHT ON CUE has just gone from 4-1 to 5-5 in the third against Roddick - but, and I say this as someone who loves women's tennis, the vast majority of female tennis players are mental dwarves. And by "vast majority" I mean "everyone not named Justine or Serena".

as ed o points out this is a great deal to do with the fact that the women tend not to have reliable serves, and the deeper qn is of course why this is the case. Pretty much every man in the top 100 has a very good serve, one they can rely on to serve out a match. Pretty much every woman in the top 100 has either a weakling serve which begs to be smacked away for a winner, or a reasonably good serve which for whatever reason deserts them on important points. But then most of the women in the top 100 have really solid, consistent groundstrokes, whereas on the men's side that's only the case for the clay-courters.

Not that this makes it worse - it adds an element of drama and unpredictability that the rote serving of the men's game can sometimes miss.

Seeing double on Merd all evening so far - Sammy the Stoat and Lisa R have just seen off Peer and Mirza, and now Wine and Gimelsnot have teamed up against Kaz and Peya 9both the full surnames), with Wine's service game consisting of three aces and a framer. In contrast, the Noojoisey Nonentity is broken first up....

Paul Henry Matthews in third-set tiebreaker v Sandshoe Face, Keifer the racquet-flinger similarly occupied against Djoko.

UPDATE: PHM is gone after holding a set point.

Djoko is home.

Arf Arf Arf and JG looking very shaky in first set. Woody is taking the 2x4 to Gimmers - one-dimensional, slow, awkward, nonme too smart. Hasn't quite wondered aloud 'How the hell did Wayne get lumbered with this turkey?' but that's the case he seems to be making.

Cake and Mikaela K warming up.

Venus and Shara also away. Gasquet threatening to break Agnost in first.

Instead Tsonga breaks Teuqsag. OK that reversal didn't work as well as Fred's.

Paul Hanley and Kevin Ullyett have just lost to Brazilians Felo and Sa (maybe they' are the shortest pair of names in the doubles comp, not the boys playing Arthurs and Gimmo), 28-26 in the last. Who needs rain to throw this event over schedule?

Venus has broken Shara. Rupert, why the hell are we still watching the Cake v MK yawnfest instead????

Sharapova looks bad. The serve, particularly. Venus doesn't look brilliant but she is returning neatly, not that she's needing to do much.

I loved the Mauresmo interview bit when she was asked who she thought would win now: "I don't really care."

ALSO it has to be noted that Venue's shouting/grunting, even on REALLY NOT VERY HARD BALLS is quite ludicrous. It's louder than Maria's!

(nb I prefer Venus to Maria.)

Krajicek has a break over CAKE. Oh no! (insert joke about going the distance here).

ALLEZ CAKE

I'm relying on you, Ed. Watching Foxtel you wouldn't know either Venus or Maria were still in England, we're not even getting progress scores.

Wayne Ferreira and Henri Laconte are a set up on the Jensens in a semi-final of the Giddies, officially known as the 'Gentleman's Invitational Doubles'.

Have I already said how much I love Venus's new hair? Okay, beyond that, she's just won the first set but just hit a SPACKTACULAR missed forehand that went halfway to Iceland.

I wish nine would show Cake/Mike. There are so many dodgy Cake references I would like to make.

Kerryn "You don't Say" Pratt on TV: This could be a final!

Yes, and it would be the worst final I've ever seen, and that includes the 2004 French, and anything involving Capriati winning.

Don't worry Ed, it's a really crummy match.

Just turned over to 9 now. The grunting is indeed a pain, much more suited to the State of Origin that was on before.

Also, I hate Maria's dress. The wind is making it puff out at the back making her look as if she has a dorsal fin.

Oh, the State of bloody origin. Please don't tell me who won. I want to be oblivious. (NB I'm a New South Welshman, born in Queensland to a half-Victorian family)

"The wind is making it puff out at the back making her look as if she has a dorsal fin."

'Jaws' has aced Venus three times but is still struggling to hold her serve at 1-1 in the second.

And just for a change....'ladies and gentlemen, play is suspended'.

rain rain rain rain until i get home from work please

Nadal facing the media. He still looks like the Chinese bloke in Hush.

Two other observations: He is very reluctant to mention his opponent by name. And the Henin effect once again is apparent.

No Lex - like hell. I was up till 3am watching Hewitt nd Canasta run on and off court all night and I'm sure as hell not up for a follow-up.

(NB I'm a New South Welshman, born in Queensland to a half-Victorian family)

You sound like you're fresh out of the 19th century!

That probably means something to Nerk, anyway! Anyway, Nerk OTM. Some of us are pretending to have lives that can't be disrupted by late nights.

I'm posting from downtown Melbourne. As such, State of Origin rugby league fails the Rat's Arse test by the biggest margin on record.

Vene now well home, set and a break up. CAKE has got a break in the second set. Well done CAKE.

And that's it for the morning star, 6-1, 6-3. Maria would be justified in saying that Venus didn't win, she lost, but with that shoulder, who's surprised? I don't like you anymore Maria!

Dear TV, pls show cake now. Whenever I look up at the TV, expecting Cake, she's... er.. never there. [Okay, it's not going to work. I'll stop.]

Rene vs 'Stine happening. Cake up a Brake in the decider.

BORING! (Cake serving for match now, which she should have wrapped up in two, really)

Ah, here we go. Justine has a break and has started to say "Look, my backhand, it's a bit good, innit?" and is serving for the first set. She has double-faulted, which is less fun.

Oh, and also, "my forehand, it's a bit good" and "how about my net play"?

Cake won, btw.

I'm still not used to seeing/hearing Justine's name without the Hardenne. She looked really good at the end of the first set though.

Justine served out the set, and Serena just put up a display of volleying to just win a point that was frankly laughable and would have failed if Justine's lob had gone in. She fluffed it three times, effectively.

Should be mentioned Juju is serving really badly, getting fewer than half her first serves in and chucking in some doubles. But she's winning the points when she gets that first ball in. And oh, a gorgeous down the line backhand that was totally swoonsome!

henin's lobs are killing serena (when they go in)

sorry, maybe i should say "ja-henna" and "sir willy"

Sir Willy! That's a great name, or is until Dan Perry notices.

Queen Rene's body language is a bit down. I like her earrings.

Maria-Venus was dire before the rain break but pretty good afterwards - that 13-deuce game and Sharap's refusal to buckle even though she was really being outclassed. Pretty tight for a one-and-three.

Roddick plods on with every bleedin' match following the same pattern - start fast, nick 2nd set with late/single break, get out of tight spot in third with some fist-pumpin' in a tie-breaker. Bloody Mathieu was up 5-0 in the t/b! I can see Gasquet giving him as much trouble as, say, Grosjean has on grass in recent years - which is say, a bit of a fright but not a loss. Damn it - my nerves can't stand another Fed-Rodd match! The only one I've ever really enjoyed was this year's Aussie Open semi, from about three games into the 2nd set onwards.

Henin looking good but this is my #2 almost-too-nervous-to-watch match of the tournament. So I'm going to make the girls dinner and hope for another 6-4 set...

You might not. Justine has had a wonky game and a half and is now down 2-4. Just when I was sure she'd be up 4-2 at this point.

Oh whatever, MAKE MORE SENSE! Henin breaks back.

Except Henin drops her serve again and Serena wins the set after successfully challenging a ball that looked in when you saw it, then in the replay looked out, but just clipped the line.

I just got back in time for the third set!

I am so fucking stoked for this match. ALLEZ!

A break to start it off! Allez!

(btw well done Cake, it's yr birthday)

Fucking gorgeous backhand.

Hold, Justine.

I have seen far more of Roddick being interviewed etc than actually playing lately and I have to admit, I kind of like him as a person.

Bloody Mathieu was up 5-0 in the t/b!

WHAT.

PHM you are a BIG GIRL.

3-0!

They're both doing the basics so well that all the points are incredibly short.

4-1! Now, break again. NO MIAMI.

ALLEZ!

YESSSSSS! Break from 0-30 down!

Charging the net possibly not the right tactic for you, Serena, with volleys like that. KEEP DOING IT!

OK, ewwww. Find your first serve again, Justine. And your dropshot. And your backhand.

BREAK.

oh god, this is painful!

AGH perfect serve volley on MP except for MISSING THE EASY VOLLEY

:DDDDDDDDDDDDD ALLEZ ALLEZ ALLEZ

Okay, wins for Van and Sweater next, please?

I think I just woke the entire neighbourhood there. FUCKING YES. Best Wimbledon ever!

And yes, Van and Sweater must win.

J-single-H, Cake, Ana Van and Sweater would be a SWEET fucking semi line-up.

And with $harapova losing (HAHAHAHA) guess who is the DOMINANT world no 1 now?

Thank Gawd Serena shanked one long at the end there; at 5-3 15/30 (and again when she fluffed the volley at m-p) I could really see the choke of all time looming*.

(Well, I don't follow the WTA tour that closely and I know Lex has many tales of 6-0 5-0 [*40/0] losses, but the gold standard on Centre Court is Jana's Duchess-dampener, closely followed by Todd Martin forgetting how to hit balls above chest height at 5-1 in the 5th vs Mal Washington in the '96 semi).

For the record, Tallulah wolfed down her chicken & broccoli, Ava was a bit more circumspect with her pasta. I eventually abandoned both of them and sat in front of the TV, Lulu's spoon gripped in my palm.

Justine was totally choking at the end. So relieved she got through.

I didn't see it, obv, but the worst choke in terms of score I've ever witnessed (on a scoreboard) was Lubomira Kurhajcova leading Lisa Raymond 6-0, 5-0, 30-0 in the 1st round of RG one year...then losing 10 games in a row. Eventually lost 3-6 in the third. Was never heard from again, last sighted losing in challenger qualies.

Haha remember that Myskina/Jankovic insane chokefest from a few years back? Nastya leads 6-0, 5-3 (40-15). This somehow turns into 6-3, 5-7, 1-5. Which then turns into a 6-3, 5-7, 10-8 win. MENTALISM.

If she ever becomes good enough to be mentioned in an ilx tennis thread, this player will make the easiest nickname ever. WHAT WERE PARENTS THINKING?

Lubomira Kurhajcova leading Lisa Raymond 6-0, 5-0, 30-0 in the 1st round of RG one year...then losing 10 games in a row.

That one does make you wonder whether there was some kind of b3tt1ng synd1c4t3 involved.

better chance of Harry Caray being resurrected from the dead (xopst)

Why did no-one tell me that Cake is so sweet-looking! I have a new favourite I think!

WTF?????

No live coverage on Foxtel - on any of their THREE (count them!) dedicated sport channels. And there's bloody KICKBOXING on one of them!!!

(we had 'sports' reports from yesterday's Hotdog Eating Championship in New York on bbc tv and radio this morning if that's any consolation fred.)

Packer TV isn't showing anything, even though Lleyton is losing as you'd expect against playing Djokovic. If Rafa's to beat Youzhny it'll have to be in five. Van down a break to Vaid, and Little Berdy(ch) looking home, up a break in the fourth and with two sets on the board.

COME ON ANA! A break up in the second.

She was a break down, and looked to be having quite a bad day, but Ana is suddenly on fire.

Ha! Berdman beat Bjorkman 6-4, 6-0, 6-7, 6-0! Two bagels!

vaidisova pretty much tanked the last game of that set.

Wow, Nadal coming back from two sets down against Youzhny is pretty special after all he's been through! Especially allowing Youzhny just four games in the last three sets...

Ivanovic saves three match points on her serve at 3-5, promptly goes up 6-5 as Vaidisova wilts somewhat...

It's been the best day weather-wise (brief break on Centre/#1, no break elsewhere) for ages. Ivan sneaks it, Venus too good for Kuzzy, Baggy belts Davy 7-6 7-6 6-3, Djoko has a bad fall at 7-6 7-6 3-3 and Chewy scents a way back in - and sure enough, he's now serving for two sets all.

Federer, who presumably has been on a few coach trips to see the Cotswolds, Leeds Castle, etc during his mid-tourney holiday, is now warming up against Ferrero. He better be sharp...

(And Godspeed Gasquet, obviously).

Djoker breaks back! Hurrah!

Ana/Nicole was a v good match. Nicole is really petulant.

Djoker wins his sixth tiebreak of the tournament to beat Chewitt :D

DJ Oko-Hewey was 4hr11. Thank God it didn't go to a fifth.

It's raining now - Fed-Ferr had reached 5-5; Fed cruised to 5-2 without looking very good, a bunch of errors lost him the break, then they both started to hit the angles before the drizzle. Rodd-Gasq barely even knocked up.

After (What's left of)PackerTV finally finished with the Socratic marvel that is the AFL Footy Show, Kezza's Ghost deigned to show us (in the cracks between ads) the last rites of Baby Huey v Djoko, then Ana v Nicole. (I don't think the ref was called Smith. Pity.)

The quality of the tennis I saw in those snippets only made the decision by Foxtel to ditch Wimbledon, on its only fine day so far this week, in favor of the Montana Open (live from the Gopher Droppings Country Club), the Canterbury Bulldust NRL game from last weekend, and Bloody Kickboxing FFS, even more maddening.

How is weather today?

dry so far but cloudy and heavy feeling

nadal seems flustered by berdych's serve - that was three aces in a row?? maybe just two

Djoko wins first in a tiebreak and nearly knocks Baghdatis's serve off in game 1 set 2. Baggers looking a bit like Gonzo made him look in Melb - dazed and confused.

Nadal has never beaten Berdych on a fast surface - i don't expect him to today. they had beef when Berdych beat Nadal in Madrid last year - the crowd had been very vocally pro-Nadal during the match, when Berdych won he put his finger to his lips in a fuck-u stylee.

the Berdman is Mr Safarova - this would make him Safar, right, not Safarov?

as for Djoker/Baggy: I would normally back the Djoker all the way (he is SO HOTT) but even though he beat the Llout yesterday he was looking...not quite as sharp as he should. A bit fatigued. Baggy's had much easier matches, far fewer delays - if Djoker can wrap this up in three easy sets he'll be laughing but if it becomes a test of stamina Marcos will have it in the bag.

When it comes to Russian I can barely read the percentage sign on a bottle of Stoli but if Ms Safin is actually Ms Safina, then logically Safarov is correct if the samw rule applies.

Bagh slightly more convincing holding the second time. Djoko LOOKS more streamlined, but that might just be a projection because his shirt fits and he has shaved at least once since the Aus Open.

Marcos holds agaon (this time only one deuce) but he's copped the worst of the net cords and he's playing sorry for himself. At 15-30 Djoko threw up a top=framer which Bagh had half an hour to get under. When it landed in you could almost see Marcos's eyes roll (from behind) as he threw an airy forehand at it. Fortunately Djoko's next sho was even worse....

Right now you'd back Djoko to break a dozen times before Bagh.

Nadal has set point.

Djoko now the one looking thoroughly off-pissed at 5-6 - copped a racquet abuse violation and still hasn't broken Bagh despite taking him to deuce at least once in each game. Almost ridiculously, he's now sewrving to stay in the set. Thankfully he's making that look ridiculously easy and come the tiebreaker, surely to hell????

Surely to hell be buggered - MB has the first mini-break.

Suddenly the Bagman is picking Djoko off at will and has three set points.

saved saved saved!

....which he promptly blew.

<i>the Berdman is Mr Safarova - this would make him Safar, right, not Safarov?

-- lex pretend, Friday, 6 July 2007 11:25 (53 minutes ago)

When it comes to Russian I can barely read the percentage sign on a bottle of Stoli but if Ms Safin is actually Ms Safina, then logically Safarov is correct if the samw rule applies. </i>

Well, seeing as Lucie Safarova is Czech and not Russian, it figures that her dad and brothers would be called Safar - as in Cyril Suk and Helena Sukova.

The -ov ending is more Russian, such as Maria's dad being Yuri Sharapov. All Czech and Slovak women have -ova after their name, unless their dad's name ends in -y, in which case it's just -a, like Jana Novotna whose dad would be Novotny.

When I lived in Slovakia a few years back I remember being astounded to see newspapers and even wall posters referring to Steffi Grafova, Monica Selesova and even Arantza Sanchezova-Vicariova! It's just what they do to all women's surnames.

(apologies for formatting woe)

Nadal has gone through. I think I support him.

I am trying to distract Edith with my statsh of late seventies Top Trumps, including a helicopter carrying a bus!!!!

Downstairs I can hear a lady umpire holding forth.

Baghdatis v Djokovic is compelling stuff. Came back to find Baghdatis on fire, having gone from 0-3 in the third to 5-3. Missed a set point on the Djoker's serve, went 30-0 up on his own, then Djokovic played a couple of REALLY smart points - big return winner, then a foray to the net for a volley winner - to get to 30-30. Saved another set point by dropshotting off a dropshot, now about to go 6-5 up...

And am surprised, and VERY impressed, that Nadal beat Safar.

The funniest instance of that Czech/Slovak -ova habit was seeing a Czech tournament draw featuring Swiss player Myriam Casanova, whose own -ova suffix has nothing etymologically to do with Czech, so she was put down as Myriam Casanovaova.

Casanova-ova-ova-ay-ay-ay, it should have been.

Also, Jamie Murray's completely transparent attempts to woo Jelena Jankovic are so cute! She's way out of his league. But I think he's succeeding!

Woah, Ferrero Rocher took a set off Fed!

Gah, Baggy takes the set on a TB...

By the way, Lovely Leesh's blog is rather amusing: http://www.sonyericssonwtatour.com/1/newsroom/stories/?ContentID=1470

JCF out the back door 6-1 in third - that'll learn 'im!!

he's toast - can't do anything against the irresistable force

by the way - how come the grass on the courts looks so tatty? didn't they realise this was going to be on television?

In more bad news for Oz, the supposed FOAT (Future Of Australian Tennis), Brydon 'Calvin' Klein, currently being thrashed by an unseeded Lituanian in the boys singles.

Rodge has broken JCF at the second attempt in fourth.

by the way - how come the grass on the courts looks so tatty? didn't they realise this was going to be on television?

b/c it gets worn down over the fortnight by the players - it's always pristine at the start of the tournament. as our volley-obsessed commentors never fail to remind us, nowadays it's only worn down around the baseline, whereas in days of your the area around the net would be brown as well.

Baghdatis recovers from a break down in the 4th, takes the set on a lucky net cord! Djokovic surely done now :(

well clearly it should look better at the END when everyone is watching rather than at the BEGINNING

I was just about to start fishing about for the quadruple tie-break matches.

Bagh breaks at the first shot in the decider.

Venus and Annie Johnson warming up.

at the outset venus looks completely untouchable

Ana won't get many better chances than that to get one of those breaks back.

Maybe she'll win a gane in the next set.

<i>Also, Jamie Murray's completely transparent attempts to woo Jelena Jankovic are so cute! She's way out of his league. But I think he's succeeding!</i>

Haha, oh, I was so hoping somebody else had noticed this! He seems to be doing surprisingly well, both of them grinning around the court! I was transfixed by this for a good while, so much so I was annoyed when the commentators insisted on talking about the tennis.

ok i need to get to a tv

OMG! Djokovic breaks to love at 5-5 when Baghdatis tries to do a cute dropshot w/ the entire court open - and nets it!

Baggy goes mental and gifts Djoko a break - he'll serve for it (after nearly five hours!) at 6-5.

Henin-Bartoli will surely be switched to Centre if Venus continues to rout Ivanovic; Rodd-Gasq is still to come on #1.

xp

Djokovic takes it! That was amazing. I love Djokovic. Lovely to see the hug at the end too.

Match of the tournament by far, so far.

9 hours and 10 minutes on court over two days and your reward is...Rafael Nadal.

Oh, and congrats to the Lex for calling 11 out of 16 in both the men's and women's r4 draws! (And one of the five wrong in the men's was Andy Murray, so we can call it 12 cos I know you'd have gone with Tsonga).

can we please have a moratorium on this new style of slow-burn fist pump?? especially the variation with eyes closed, and the lips mumbling what can only be some kind of self-esteem chatter... as if it's a one-handed prayer to the god of tennis or something. it's just so horrible and EVERYONE does it. even the coaches and wives and husbands in the stands FFS. get over yourselves. not even in basketball do you see such self-important histrionics.

the essence of tennis is self-important divas, this is why it is my Chosen Sport!

i would love to take credit for those predictions but sadly they were just the projected seedings :( of my actual predictions i got Justine over Serena, Paszek in the last 16, and prob 3 of the 4 men's semi-finalists. the less said about my "Chakvetadze to the semi" talk the better...

D'oh! Sorry, misunderstood the "projected" bit. Well done on Paszek!

Just got back an hour ago and watched Venus/Ana.

My GOD, Venus is serving well.

Will they switch Justine to Centre now or make her wait?

Justine v Cake is on Centre now.

Cake cut 6-1 in the first. Cake's not playing badly, it must be said. But JH is really teh awesome right now.

So much for Justine popping her chef's hat on and icing the Cake - Bartoli nabs the second 7-5.

Over on #1, in a blessed change to Rodd-routine, the Dick loses a 3rd-set t/b. I'm not getting my hopes up too high...

hey wtf happened to Justine between me leaving work an hour ago and getting home just now?

and now a caek braek! ?!

OK so I was so excited about Gasquet winning that third set with some glorious BHs that I didn't pay attention to Justine's match b/c I assumed it would be easy and UHHHHH WTF IS HAPPENING

Cake is playing very, very well. But GAH!

Actually, no, Cake is playing INCREDIBLY.

waht

Yes this is good. Two-handed forehand looks like it should be more than a little inhibiting though!

Man, US TV has been sticking with the Roddick match when I want to see the last set of the Henin/Bartoli.

OMG amazing Cake dropshot to save break point!

Cake wins epic service game! 3-0!

Michael this probably only works in Norway, but it's worth a try, I guess:

Go to http://www1.nrk.no/nyhetsspiller and click "Wimbledon direkte på NRK 1"

wtf 4-0

This is either going to be another of Justine's famous comebacks from 1-5 down or the weirdest upset ever.

Cake is not crumbling at all yet. Nervous players don't hit dropshots as perfect as that.

Yah. Without looking I can pretty much guarantee that the odds for Venus winning the thing are PLUNGING.

OMG 5-0

(If anyone tried and succeeded with my nrk link above, yes there is a news break now, they'll be back at 6 minutes past gah)

holy shit you guys

I have to say that venus/bartoli wd be awesome

Justine dodges the bagel.

Wow. Just, wow.

holy crap, i missed it

did JH just tank it at the end or what?

I dunno. I was hoping for a Justine title but I love Marion, I've seen her play in person in poxy little Challengers held in Cardiff sports halls with no ballboys, and I'm really, really happy for her. This is amazing.

JH definitely didn't tank...but Bartoli was Seles-esque. And she didn't flinch at all.

OMG she just said she saw Pierce Brosnan in the crowd and was inspired by him because he's her favourite actor!!!!!!

cake sez: pierce brosnan was her muse!!!!!

xpost!

"pierce, if you come back tomorrow... it could be good"

randiest wimbledon ever

this is the best wimbledon final in years

It was all cos she saw Pierce Brosnan in the crowd!

Wow. That was amazing, like she just discovered she could be absolutely incredible. It's great to see that, some people get in to that sort of scenario and just crumble away and some just... I dunno.. POW!

xxxx-post

best-of-three sets for the women's matches is too short. it's like you look up and it's over.

is the final best of five?

no

so the women actually get paid much more than the men, per hour

i mean, it's political correctness gone mad!

OMG this tiebreak is basically one ridonkulous Gasquet winner after another, amazing stuff. ALLEZ FRENCHIES

Final set! BEAT RODDICK BEAT HIM INTO THE GROUND

gasquet is putting it wherever the f*ck he wants to right now

xpost

i love what a dick roddick is, but i'm kinda pullin for gasquet right now

What an incredible day this is. Gasquet is playing out of his mind. However - I'm suddenly reminded of Becker-Pioline '95. Very similar pattern. I can't stand a repeat of that. I may just bathe the gals and avoid the stomach-knots.

DAMN

I want to make a pun starting along the lines of "a gisquet, a gasquet" etc, but I fear it is impossible, so instead COME ON RICHIE!

Gasquet is hott too!

I must say, the timing today has been impeccable. Saw the crucial mid-period of Djokovic's match, then the second set of Venus and Ana, then back to the closing stages of Djokovic/Baghdatis, then over to the third set Gasquet TB, then to the Henin/Bartoli weirdness starting from exactly when it got interesting, and then seamlessly into the crucial fourth set Gasquet/Roddick TB, without missing a single second of anything crucial. Well done all players!

I mean, he doesn't have any shoulders, but he's still hott.

There are worse body parts to be lacking in.

the red and blue buttons are pretty magic for things like this

RODDICK HITS ONE WINNER, EXHORTS CROWD

YEAH DROPSHOT

if i look away for a bit, i can't tell the guys apart in the long shots - earlier today was nappie wearers head-to-head, and this one's a frat daddy baseball cap showdown

77 winners so far from gasquet

77 winners from Gasquet in this match, say the stats! xp

Yeah, Gasquet's been quite a highlight reel the past two sets!

I love Roddick's "Gimme a break!" and "Are you kidding me?" face though.

it's forcing roddick to try and be too fine, i think.

but who cares with a serve like that, eh

Spurious idiot statistics dept: Rod has taken exactly 6 games in every single game, so if Gasquet can just match him to 5-5 he is an winnar!

in every single SET duh

lol dickhead why r u trying to dropshot lol KEEP ON DOING IT, IT'S FUNNY

I predict service break to make 5-3

Gasquet over Roddick would be awes

I lost my life savings

OK that game from Gasquet was pretty sublime.

Each time Roddick hangs his head and looks depressed, it is as sweet manna from heaven for me.

An eccentric charge to net from Roddick leads to a glorious BH pass HAHAHAHAHAHA

For all Gasquet's brilliance, Roddick still isn't looking that bothered on serve.

This match could go on for awhile. Both guys don't seem to have the energy to go for a break at the moment.

man this crowd is raucous

is there no tiebreak in the last set, or is that just for the final or what?

Match points Gasquet!!!

(no TB)

No tiebreak. Goes on FOREVER (or maybe not)

omg

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

OK, coming on the back of Bartoli coming back from the dead against Justine, two best matches ever.

Spurious idiot statistics win again!

And that was on the back of Djokovic/Baghdatis which - back in the mists of time which were this afternoon - I had proclaimed the best match of the tournament!

OK this has like TOTALLY REDEEMED WIMBLEDON.

Roddick was only broken twice the entire match, yet still lost. Did Gasquet end up with about 100 winners?

Redeemed by, like...0-6, 7-6(20), 6-3 against the weather. What a day.

Missed Djokovic v Baghdatis due to having to work. Highlights on BBC2 now.

(lolz at their Utterly Bartoli headline)

Q. 1-6 in the first set to the No. 1 player in the world. How did you come back?

MARION BARTOLI: To come back?

Q. Yes .

MARION BARTOLI: Well, to tell you the truth, as I said on BBC a few minutes ago, I saw Pierce Brosnan in the crowd, which is one of my favorite actor. I love his movies.I said to myself, it's not possible I play so bad in front of him. Because he watch me and I play so bad it was unbelievable. So I try to feel it a bit more the ball, play more smartly. I saw he was cheering for me, so I said, Oh, maybe it's good. I kept going and I won, so maybe a little bit for Pierce Brosnan.

Q. TV personalities like Cliff Richard in the earlier match, does it not distract you having celebrities in the crowd?

MARION BARTOLI: Well, I was focusing on Pierce Brosnan because he is so beautiful. I was just watching him. He was the only one.

Not only cake but candy!

Q. Probably the most distinctive thing about your game, other than two hands everywhere, is the accuracy of your groundstrokes. Not necessarily the hardest in tennis but the accuracy is amazing. Are there drills you've used over the years to become such an accurate groundstroker?

MARION BARTOLI: When I was younger, still living in France, we didn't have any indoor courts. The indoor courts we had was multi surface courts. It was the courts for volleyball, basketball, tennis. They have some multi lines all over the courts. My dad used to put me some targets. If I touched the targets, I get a candy. So I was very motivated. Maybe that's why I'm still loving too much the candies. But whatever.

Q. TV personalities like Cliff Richard in the earlier match, does it not distract you having celebrities in the crowd?

MARION BARTOLI: Well, I was focusing on Pierce Brosnan because he is so beautiful. I was just watching him. He was the only one. Who is Cliff Richard?

I can't remember a better single day of tennis in a long time; how much were court #1 tickets today? Available on the gate I'd imagine, seeing as a spot of doubles and Mansour Bahrami hamming it up is all you usually get on the second show-court on day 11.

I can't decide which was the best match - the Serb-Cyp epic, Marion ascending into the zone or Gasquet's absurd swashbuckling recovery. The first had possibly the best sustained play, the second had the greatest WTF factor and the third featured the defeat of Andrew Roddick. It the third one, innit? (Hit another approach to his backhand, Pandy! Honestly, I think Connors and Roddick are sort of made for each other - JSC played with immense heart but was frequently utterly undone by a smarter player - Higuera, Orantes, Ashe, McEnroe, nearly-Pernfors, etc).

I missed this because I got home at an ungodly hour and had to get up NOW! I went to bed after JH won the first set and thought "well that's that" and now I'm just wishing I hadn't passed up the v. good odds for a Bartoli win at an online betting site I have been known to frequent!

Where does that Bartoli candy interview come from? Where can i read it in full?

My heart was with Serena, but my mind with Venus...so I have to get up at what...6 AM to see her play Bartoli? But hell, I'd rather just stay up til 6AM. God knows I've got plenty of alcohol. I've done it before. No I won't take a chance on this. I'm setting my alarm clock.

But fuck I don't understand. It says 12 pm start and 2 pm start. Which is it??

Nadal in early trouble v Djoko. Rodge and the Gasman still on serve.

Federer through in straight sets. Rafa through due to Djokovic conceding as a result of a blister on his little toe. Off to cheer on Marion now, hurrah!

hahah Venus montage set to "Destroy Everything You Touch"

Pierce Bronsan has returned to the audience too.

Venus has started as if the world is not enough....

Omigawd! This is starting to look very ugly indeed.

Venus 3-1, and Maz made the one look like a labor of Hercules,

But now she has two break points of her own -

Eh? Bartoli breaks back!

Now it's square 3-3.

Bart's playing very well ATM and the best of luck to her, but I'll give it until about 4-4 in the sceond before I start finding her bouts of St Vitus dance between points measurably irritating. Not insufferable like the Williams shreik, but annoying all the same.

Suddenly two break points and a fault down....saved the first with a nice pass.

Venus takes first set.

Beautiful! That ball was in play a long time.

Not looking good for Bartoli at the moment, Venus just seems to be hitting too many great shots.

Venus is just looking a class above, but Bartoli's been looking good when under pressure, I'm not counting her out just yet.

If she doesn't win, I'm blaming Pierce Brosnan.

(he's not there at all according to BBC commentators, he's at a wedding)

Weird, they showed him in the audience on US TV.

Bartoli doing the wave, haha.

Apparently Bart's feet are giving her buggery. Tip for you, Maz, have you tried looking after them by STANDING STILL a bit more?

And it seems Veen has a problem at the top of her thigh, according to John Newcombe MD. An alleged 'phantom' trainer call which stumbled on something.