Despair upon despair upon despair

post here with similar accumulations of life's little bitchslaps

I whole thread of italicised narcissism, I dub thee Dom II.

I can see an upside to 3 of those.

If yr havin sport problems..

Listing sporting failures over not getting any action = wtf duder.

no, that makes sense

Not to me it doesn't!

pash, it's chronological. all of them have been accumulated ILX posts.

you are all cordially invited to do the same here should you hit such runs of 'form'.

xpost

Nah, the two do reinforce each other in the "life giving you a good shoeing" stakes.

Oh, all my woes always come by the heap. Dirt off shoulders = brushed, however.

i still support spurs, louis. does that count? and i've got flu, but i have a feeling fat stupid nice man jol will be gone before that.

http://photos-b.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sctm/v130/103/125/36910239/n36910239_35315949_7436.jpg

Do long-time local rivalry sports bitchslaps count, even if not crunched together in time?

1981-07-29 Lyn - Vålerenga 2 - 4 (included for context, not in same division until 2002)
2002-05-11 Vålerenga - Lyn 1 - 2
2002-08-24 Lyn - Vålerenga 1 - 0
2003-06-30 Lyn - Vålerenga 1 - 1
2003-10-26 Vålerenga - Lyn 0 - 1
2004-04-19 Lyn - Vålerenga 1 - 1
2004-07-26 Vålerenga - Lyn 1 - 2
2005-06-12 Lyn - Vålerenga 1 - 1
2005-10-02 Vålerenga - Lyn 0 - 1
2006-04-17 Lyn - Vålerenga 2 - 1
2006-07-22 Vålerenga - Lyn 1 - 2
2007-06-20 Vålerenga - Lyn 0 - 0
2007-10-21 Lyn - Vålerenga 3 - 1

Argh!

I whole thread of italicised narcissism, I dub thee Dom II.

-- Ed, Monday, October 22, 2007 5:09 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Link

i dub this Watercooler 31

/cap'n save-a-zinger

Caterwauler 31: Clustercry of the IInd Dominion

(meanwhile, Ed whole threads...)

Oh dear Louis.

I've been in the throes of starting my own business for the last fifteen months. I've been turning down well-paid jobs on the basis that I couldn't see them through. The business is financed by a personal loan I took out in january, we antivcipated being open by May. Due to an incompetent estate agent (who "forgot" to register our interest in the site = he was trying to hang on to it for a mate) this was put back to the end of summer. I turn down the option of part time lecturing as I won't be able to do it. What with opening in august and all

Did I mention that I've just bought a house?

Anyhoo, money running out, loan repayments starting to bite (when business open everything goes through that, in the meantime it's all on me). Still, no matter. Then the council fuck up the planning application, putting us back a further two months. Things start to get a bit tight, but I calculate that with overdrafts I've got maybe three months grace. End of October, I can live with that.

My wife gives birth, we go down to one wage. Still, it's alright, everyone's ready to go, once we sign the lease, we're laughing.

We signed the lease this morning. Then the shop-fitter tells us he can't go in for another four weeks. Fiur. Meaning we open mid-december. Meaning I run out of cash.

Or, alternatively, we go in there and we do the damn job ouselves. Which we will. Starting tomorrow. No point getting miserable about it, because that will get you precisely fucking nowhere.

I'm afraid some rich kid failing to win the car drivy fast game fails to capture my sympathy right now.

Matt, man, I hope you can cope with the stress. Running a business is damn difficult at times.
How's the baby and wife doing?

Hey, all ILXors have their own crosses to bare. To wit:

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO FIND PICTURES OF NAKED TWEE GIRLS ON THE INTERNET???

-- I'm thinking six, six, six (noodle vague), Thursday, 16 March 2006 15:00 (1 year ago) Bookmark Link

I'm fine Nath, because if I stopped to get stressed I'd be fucked. We'll do it, somewhow (probably end up saving a load of money in the process, is how we're looking at it)
Wife and baby are bth doing marvellously, thanks. In fact baby is asleep in my lap as I type. He's gorgeous. Talk about motivation.

xpost Dom OTM, also

To 'bare'?

xpost

jeez matt that's a bit bigger than a bitchslap! i hope you guys pull through OK!

that Norwegian football thing is actually heartbreaking btw. this is truly when sporting failure cuts to the bone.

http://www.findlocalinsurance.com/sadface.jpg

We'll manage, I'm sure. Thanks for the good thoughts, but I guess it was intended as more of a don't despair post. We aren't. You shouldn't either.

the norwegian thing is, I think, worthy of actual despair.

Yeah, I imagine having a total inability to beat your main football rivals for several years would definitely suck

Well, the thread-title is deliberately OTT; I've emphasised that the 'despair'-worthy events aren't life-changing, just temporarily downheartening. When they accumulate, it gives us an excuse to wallow, and this is a trough worth wallowing in.

I have no words of solace for all the Vålerenga supporters out there, alas. (Erm...maybe next time?)

lol DJ Mencap :D

Maybe next time. No worries, no actual despair, we won the league in '05 ffs. But the taunts of hordes of 13-year-olds on the bus home are momentarily annoying.

Valerenga fans, it could be worse, you could support Fort William

They're doing a bit better this season. They've won one already.

Just got offed will post that list to yet another thread.

-- ken c Monday, 22 October 2007 18:43 (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

just saying

-- ken c Monday, 22 October 2007 20:22 (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

just saying

-- ken c Monday, 22 October 2007

-- ken c, Monday, October 22, 2007

-- ken c, dies nativitatis orbis mundi secundum Jacobum Ussherum archiepiscopum anno MVII occidentalis temporis

-- ken c, 22 Октябрь, 2007

What the hell are you up to, Ken?

Wallowing is a real and true waste of time & emotion.

Yes, but I find a (crucially) brief wallow (in the form of a trivial ILX thread) allows one to rebound back into cheerfulness!

True. And also sometimes one of the purest of pleasures.

xpost

you know it's despair when as you think about posting about it on a thread like this you feel like a wizard wielding gigantic balls of flame, and then reconsider.

Do you ever call your balls of flame funny names?

Argh fucked up w/numerals for the Ussher thing, should obv be MMMMMMX. Today. Apparently.

Sympathy & good thoughts for everyone w/real worries on this thread -- matt, ronan. Hope it's surmountable. :(

oh, ronan :( i knew things hadn't been so good of late but didn't think you might be in such dire straits.

not any worse than the same stuff as ever, btw I didn't mean to rubbish your own issue. everything is relative.

I stand by what I typed in March 2006.

Ronan, I do hope things get better. :-( Nothing like this grating (?) depressing state that doesn't seem to have any end.

had to cancel two hockey games (i'm the captain) because we had no players available
dropped from pool 2nds, was captain last year, at least 3 of the 6 team-members are worse than me
just lost 28-1 at football
the college budgeting organisation has cut all funding for the college magazine, which i edit
still haven't done that fucking essay
have to be a fire-warden at a firework party tomorrow (all night)
love-life going nowhere, possibly backwards
the poem i'm working on has stalled

today is a day of desolation

you're all joking, right?
please tell me all of you are fucking joking.

Matt excluded, his woes actually seem worth consideration.

JUST LOST TWENTY-EIGHT ONE AT FOOTBALL

and that was by the opposition's count, some of us made it 31. certainly felt more like 31.

tom, this is a thread for accumulations of seemingly petty knockbacks which together amount to temporary despair. it's not a 'my life is a mess waaah' thread. it's a 'cor what a shitty shitty day i've had' thread.

ok ok I get it now

love-life going nowhere, possibly backwards

Dude that's not nowhere, it usually takes ages to persuade them to do that.

You fuckers don't know how good you've got it.

I lost my job lateish last month, but was anticipating getting paid for the days I was employed on the first, and spent my money accordingly. The paycheck hasn't arrived, and checks are starting to bounce. In the meantime, I'm temping for close to minimum wage.

So shut the fuck up.

If I hadn't lost my job, I'd now qualify for dental coverage to get this toothache looked at. Now I just have to live with it and hope it doesn't kill me before I can come up with some way to get it taken care of. I have no idea what that might be, natch.

wrong thread

Sorry, I thought this said "despair upon despair upon despair."

I've used a bit of dramatic license in the thread-title. I mean, this stuff genuinely does get me down, but it isn't necessarily life-changing, just extremely irritating. It's not like I don't invest a lot of time and effort into my sports, but things worthy of genuine, lasting despair are probably a little above and beyond what I was angling for here.

Can I add: Our football captain (and best player) was struck down with a major heart complaint the other day, and can NEVER PLAY AGAIN.

Not necessarily life-changing, you say.

Well, it's life-changing for him, yeah. For the rest of us, it's a massive blow in that we won't have the benefit of his sporting ability. For him, it's an absolute sickener. Living your life with severe risk of heart failure should you engage in strenuous physical activity must be awful, especially if, like him, you devote so much of your time to sports.

lol @ bummerz thread

i like this thread idea. only louis could start a thread and have this happen.

xpost: when ur banned from noise, grumble here

yeah, add "folks be ragging on my despair thread" to the list of shattering body-blows above. ;-)

people should give louis a break. if he's feeling bad then that's alright, it's all relative as I said earlier. people shouldn't have to feel afraid of saying something is wrong, even if it seems little.

x-post to Jordan yep

yeah jeez ronan you think I'VE got problems eh, but you're totally right to start a new thread about your illness rather than talk about it here. good luck on that. i'm really bad at dealing with other people's life-changing catastrophes, mostly because i've never experienced anything like that myself. you could say i've led a very lucky, privileged life, and you'd be right. when it comes to others in distress, i normally bow my head and keep a tactful silence, or mention how i 'really hope' they can pull through. i DO hope they can, but i can't truly put myself in their place, because i've never experienced such emotional torment. my problem, if i have one, is caring too much about little things like sport. that, and mild asperger's. woohoo i'm in the club! :D

in all seriousness, i hope you show that headache who's boss.

you need an editor louis, that's your real problem

the college budgeting organisation has cut all funding for the college magazine, which i edit

the college budgeting organisation has cut all funding for the college magazine, which i edit
rather.

Haha, when I go back over stuff I've written, I can generally do a good job editing (hence the magazine, which took AGES to pare down). A lot of my ILX posts are done roughly thus: AHA! *blurt* QUICK PRESS 'SUBMIT RESPONSE', which has occasionally landed me in trouble.

The AHA! *blurt* bit tends to embarrass me in general life, to be honest.

blurt

I think I see a way out of this.

oh yeah matt, how's the business operation thingy going?

http://www.areyougame.com/images/large/lgMAG6849.jpg

Here is game for you Louis.

Description: Pausing until you're positive is so passe. The Webster's game of word racing is where it's at!

We play a great drinking-game here where you have to say a famous person's name, and then the next person has to say another famous person's name, with their first name beginning with the opening letter of the previous person's surname. If both first and surname begin with the same letter, the order is reversed. At least 3 people need to have heard of the person. No person can be repeated. You have to "drink while you think", i.e. for as long as it is your go.

We're mostly doing it ourselves Louis, the site's been gutted now, and the kitchen gets installed tuesday and wednesday. After that it's merely install disabled toilet, tile the floors, lay the safety flooring, fit the counters, rewire upstairs, plaster the ceiling, build some shelving, get the stock on, one last lick of paint and we open. Piece of piss. Well, maybe not. I used to be a site joiner but I can't do the work to the standard we need, and good joiners are rare as rocking horse shit. If we aren't open by december then we're fucked. Watch this space.

I shall! What sort of business is it? If it's a cake-shop or something I'll be sure to pay a visit if I find myself in the Liverpool area (probably on some Boris Johnson-esque reparations outing (j/k))...

delicatessen and kitchen

CHARCUTERIE :D

Best thread ever

I think this thread should actually be people announcing the death of family members interspersed with Louis talking about how Charlton let a two goal lead slip against Colchester.

haha! well, have YOU ever lost 28-1?

Dude, just for that I hope it's 40-0 next time.

Just for.....what? My playful defence of this thread? If 40-0 does happen, be assured I won't be shutting up about it for a goooood long while!

oh plz.i dont want to play cpt. save-a-jagger but it's clear what louis' intentions were for this thread. let him be.

save-a-jagger

a rather inappropriate phrase, given that i'm the goalkeeper

I think this thread should actually be people announcing the death of family members interspersed with Louis talking about how Charlton let a two goal lead slip against Colchester.

The thread could always be renamed:

"Despair" upon despair upon "Despair"

http://www.cricinfo.com/db/PICTURES/CMS/97100/97156.jpg
http://www.cafc.co.uk/uploads/charlton33434news2.jpg
http://www.globalsnookercentre.co.uk/images/players/EUROPE/scot/burnett-jamie2.jpg
http://www.crewe-nantwich.gov.uk/images/bus1109_Unemployment_gph.JPG

OK, I think I'm justified in this one.

that Norwegian football thing is actually heartbreaking btw. this is truly when sporting failure cuts to the bone.

Updated:

1981-07-29 Lyn - Vålerenga 2 - 4 (included for context, not in same division until 2002)
2002-05-11 Vålerenga - Lyn 1 - 2
2002-08-24 Lyn - Vålerenga 1 - 0
2003-06-30 Lyn - Vålerenga 1 - 1
2003-10-26 Vålerenga - Lyn 0 - 1
2004-04-19 Lyn - Vålerenga 1 - 1
2004-07-26 Vålerenga - Lyn 1 - 2
2005-06-12 Lyn - Vålerenga 1 - 1
2005-10-02 Vålerenga - Lyn 0 - 1
2006-04-17 Lyn - Vålerenga 2 - 1
2006-07-22 Vålerenga - Lyn 1 - 2
2007-06-20 Vålerenga - Lyn 0 - 0
2007-10-21 Lyn - Vålerenga 3 - 1
2008-06-01 Lyn - Vålerenga 2 - 0
2008-09-15 Vålerenga - Lyn 1 - 2

:-///

I was gonna ask...

Anyway yeah, I defy anyone to have had a worse sports + love life week than me. DEFY.

Mike Tyson broke up with me. It didn't end well. :(

15 Fort William 10 0 1 3 3 15 0 0 6 2 28 -38 1

Thus speaks a Liverpool fan from atop his perch. Lay it on thick, dude. I guess you'll have been rattled by the English cricket fiasco too and thus feel at least 1% of my pain. There is that, I suppose.

Oh my god, Valerenga have WON, come 2nd and come 3rd in the Norwegian Premier League since 2002 but haven't beaten Lyn

Ridiculous.

life's little bitchslaps >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> life's big bitchslaps

Fair enough louis. Won the cup twice as well in same period. It is not impending-relegation despair. But still!

impending relegation
mah woman she left me (in particularly heartbreaking circumstances, especially for her :-/ :(...)
english cricket team snafu
still unemployed

Today I stood and watched as Charlton had something like 90% of the chances and the meaningful possession against one of the worst teams in the division, and lose 2-0 to their only two chances, both occasioned by absolute defensive howlers. This season I have watched the self-inflicted evisceration of a football club. And this was the death knell.

impending relegation
mah woman she left me (in particularly heartbreaking circumstances, especially for her :-/ :(...)
english cricket team snafu
still unemployed

― Goodnight, Mr. Johnson. (country matters), Saturday, 10 January 2009 19:50 (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Poll dat shit

mah woman she left me (in particularly heartbreaking circumstances, especially for her :-/ :(...)

tyson joke suddenly less loool for me

Poll it on 77 and tell me the results, or something

Anyway yeah, I defy anyone to have had a worse sports + love life week than me. DEFY.

there must have been one guy at Hillsborough who'd been dumped that week

anyone (on ILX) to have had a worse sports + love life week (this week) than me

Martin Laursen lost his fantasy league clean sheet as a result of WBA's consolation goal; girlfriend immediately committed suicide as a result

sorry commiserations though

it's ok dude you just made me laugh like a loon (ongoing)

http://blogs.chron.com/memo/archives/spill.jpg
http://img90.imageshack.us/img90/170/shark3uu5.jpghttp://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44053000/jpg/_44053156_ab22.jpg

oh boy

you started small but i predict a volley of typing.

looooooooooool

the most cursive of volleys:

job - axed
band - axed
MA app - thrown out
charlton - relegated
worcestershire - demolished
writer's block - largely ongoing
love life - completely unresolved

actually, that last one's probably a bonus. if you were unkind you'd say last two.

cooked anything lately?

u've still got the ashes l0uis

lol @ u both

i'm goin' 12 rounds with '09, stay tuned for number 5

The great tragedies in life are points when adrenalin rushes through, we take a deep breath and we step up to being the best people we're capable of being cos we know others are relying on us. What kills you is the slow abrasion of tedious saddening minor failure that beats out all the moments in between.

Avoid eating chocolate after 18.00.

^ would cause more despair than it could possily ease, tbh

Thought 'worcestershire - demolished' was referring to some ill-advised reckless condiement consumption. So things are better than that at least.

lovelife being unresolved is kind of exciting - a married man writes.

!

depends on the manner of resolution. i have a very resolute SO.

Spice it up with a splash of Worcestershire, Ned.

No wait, that's cheese on toast.

Don't get me wrong I love being married...
(And I've been married a long time -
20 Years of Marriage!)
...but when I was (a lot) younger there was definitely something exciting about the...er...possibilities of love? (ew, sounds a bit Mills and Boon, but whatever)

'unresolved', while initially exciting, gets pretty exhausting pretty quickly in my experience

'hope can drive a man insane' etc etc

resolve it, but for chrissakes don't move in or sign anything

lol that last bit was only added for the final rhetorical flourish - i'm actually pretty A-OK with being young and free at this stage

however being the only county cricket fan on ILX can get taxing

Try being a fan of morris dancing.

sry bro

i'm always up for going to the cricket - so let me know if you fancy a day at the oval some time - but too much going on to actually follow the game.

i'm less okay with youthful freeness, to the point where i'm actually considering returning to the scene of the crime with an ex i treated very very badly a few years ago?

why is it that the only exes that want to get back with me are the ones where i did the despatching?

Well, I continually question the youthful freeness. ATM it seems like it's only for the best, and that a twentyhood of accidents awaits, but having had a taste of monogamy I'm wondering whether it wouldn't work again...good luck with your own pursuit! Also, you can't have been that cruel if they want you back! Either that, or they're serious subdom cravers.

Handwringing aside, a day at the cricket is very much in order. The Oval would be the preferred destination, and I have a few friends who have already stated their desire to bro down in that expansive patch of Kensington idyll with a beer or two

Team P W D L F A W D L F A GD PTS
Fort William 24 0 1 10 7 48 0 0 13 6 56 -91 1

stop ignoring my tabs

But you're not a Fort William fan, are you? And don't they do that every season? :P

writer's block is permanent, all writing being merely the process of figuring out how to work in spite of it

l0uis have you tried speed?

Oh shit I need to write something for that Lorax thread, cheers for reminding me

(haven't tried speed, results would probably be cataclysmic)

Don't want to imagine what your cooking would be like on speed...

any drug that makes you forget any word over 6 letters long, and welcome yr new steinbeck style

chin up homie

ty max it is springtime after all

I'm a Worcs fan too LJ. Looks like it's going to be a looong season.

I suppose if I were to be interested in cricket at all I'd be a Worcestershire supporter. Which must be of great comfort to you in these trying times.

omg we just got merked again

I'd like to offer some condolences but half of your woes seem not to be written in American English.

jolly pip pip a touch of the old worcestershires axing their merry way to the bank

To be honest, this thread is a bit of an indulgence and I'm already looking to be positive in the future rather than negative about the past. Quite proud of that "12 rounds" line, though, although it must have been used by someone else beforehand

xxxxxxxxxp
Post this in "that lorax thread" country matters, unless some Jortons and Warthorns have already beaten you to the punch (who watches the moth-watching sneth?)
27 times or th-is and th-is.

Hey, I like socks, kith, and grifter rock. What can I say? The Lorax and I share a lot of interests. I've been to Solla Sollew and they have great tea there. And great slabs of slaw to sink your snout into. And more rainbow trout than you'll know what to do! What to do, what to do? Vote for the late Don - Cptn-said-he-has-nothing-against-you (and abbot too, he thinks you're a who).

Can I just not read anymore? Why does none of this make half a lick of sense to me?

i think it is because you are sane, abbot

I gotta admit, Mulvaney has completely lost me too there

i was pretty lost to begin with

I apologize

your apology is accepted

this is a terrible thread but i'm thinking of it rn