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Poll Results

OptionVotes
The Transporter (2002) 7
Crank (2006) 6
Transporter 2 (2005) 4
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)2
Snatch (2000) 1
Mean Machine (2001) 0
The One (2001) 0
Ghosts of Mars (2001) 0
Turn It Up (2000) 0
The Italian Job (2003) 0
Collateral (2004) 0
Cellular (2004) 0
London (2005) 0
Revolver (2005/I) 0
Chaos (2005/II) 0
The Pink Panther (2006) 0
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale (2007) 0
War (2007) 0
The Bank Job (2008) 0


That one guy that hit it and quit it, Friday, 29 February 2008 10:04 (sixteen years ago) link

As much as I like Crank, Transporter 2 pips it. I forgot that War wasn't his first Jet Li collaboration. They are both rubbish though (The One and War I mean).

Crank 2 could pip it.

Pete, Friday, 29 February 2008 10:16 (sixteen years ago) link

transporter 2 ftw

johnny crunch, Friday, 29 February 2008 13:03 (sixteen years ago) link

has he starred in a romantic comedy? he needs to

latebloomer, Friday, 29 February 2008 13:31 (sixteen years ago) link

Crank very obviously. For all sorts of reasons I think it's a film that cannot be improved upon.

Stone Monkey, Friday, 29 February 2008 13:57 (sixteen years ago) link

his hairpiece in London is hilarious, but I don't think I want to vote for that.

Alex in Baltimore, Friday, 29 February 2008 14:13 (sixteen years ago) link

Only saw Cellular, and Collateral (no memory of him in that). I generally don't go for the rugged types.

Dr Morbius, Friday, 29 February 2008 14:19 (sixteen years ago) link

he's barely in 'collateral'; he just gives the cruiser a briefcase at the start in LAX.

That one guy that hit it and quit it, Friday, 29 February 2008 14:45 (sixteen years ago) link

oh shit I forgot about "Crank", wth me.

HI DERE, Friday, 29 February 2008 14:46 (sixteen years ago) link

This is a tough one! I went with Crank, but Transporter 2 is very awesome. He's a great action star that just hasn't been in many good movies.

Jeff Treppel, Friday, 29 February 2008 21:11 (sixteen years ago) link

WHAT'S THE FIRST RULE OF THE CAR?

Laurel, Friday, 29 February 2008 21:13 (sixteen years ago) link

Bacon: Right. Let's sort the buyers from the spyers, the needy from the greedy, and those who trust me from the ones who don't, because if you can't see value here today, you're not up here shopping. You're up here shoplifting. You see these goods? Never seen daylight, moonlight, Israelite. Fanny by the gaslight. Take a bag, c'mon take a bag. I took a bag home last night. Cost me a lot more than ten pound, I can tell you. Anyone like jewelry? Look at that one there. Handmade in Italy, hand-stolen in Stepney. It's as long as my arm. I wish it was as long as something else. Don't think because these boxes are sealed up, they're empty. The only man who sells empty boxes is the undertaker, and by the look of some of you lot today, I'd make more money with me measuring tape. Here, one price. Ten pound.
Eddie: Did you say ten pound?
Bacon: Are you deaf?
Eddie: That's a bargain. I'll take one.
Bacon: Squeeze in if you can. Left leg, right leg, your body will follow. They call it walking. You want one as well, darling? You do? That's it. They're waking up. Treat the wife. Treat somebody else's wife. It's a lot more fun if you don't get caught. Hold on. You want one as well? Okay, darling, show me a bit of life then. It's no good standing out there like one o'clock half-struck. Buy them, you better buy them. These are not stolen, they just haven't been paid for, and we can't get them again. They've changed the bloody locks. Here. One for you. It's no good coming back later when I've sold out. "Too late, too late" will be the cry when the man with the bargains has passed you by. If you got no money on you now, you'll be crying tears as big as October cabbages.

El Tomboto, Friday, 29 February 2008 21:17 (sixteen years ago) link

statham is the greatest action star since Schwarzenegger's Last Great RUn

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 29 February 2008 21:23 (sixteen years ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

ILX System, Saturday, 8 March 2008 00:01 (sixteen years ago) link

Voted for the first Transporter, only because he's clearly working really hard in all the dialogue scenes between himself and Shu Qi (some of their banter approaches the surreal, I swear).

He's awesome in "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale," though. Just kidding; what the fuck is that?

Savannah Smiles, Saturday, 8 March 2008 00:17 (sixteen years ago) link

this isn't fair btw, The Bank Job doesn't open in America until this weekend

El Tomboto, Saturday, 8 March 2008 00:22 (sixteen years ago) link

I voted Transporter, but they are all good.

Alex in SF, Saturday, 8 March 2008 00:34 (sixteen years ago) link

Except for that Dungeo Siege movie haha.

Alex in SF, Saturday, 8 March 2008 00:35 (sixteen years ago) link

Chinatown sex scene in Crank = massive LOLs

milo z, Saturday, 8 March 2008 01:53 (sixteen years ago) link

crank crunks

whatever, Saturday, 8 March 2008 06:16 (sixteen years ago) link

crank v transporter 2 obv. went for crank. tho i'd love to watch both again before voting.

Alan, Saturday, 8 March 2008 10:40 (sixteen years ago) link

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

ILX System, Sunday, 9 March 2008 00:01 (sixteen years ago) link

two months pass...

oh man, in the name of the king: a dungeon siege tale

omar little, Monday, 12 May 2008 20:32 (sixteen years ago) link

Did you actually watch that?????? wau, hero

HI DERE, Monday, 12 May 2008 20:34 (sixteen years ago) link

it cannot be described in words

omar little, Monday, 12 May 2008 20:37 (sixteen years ago) link

http://www.midwaysailor.com/military/salute.jpg

HI DERE, Monday, 12 May 2008 20:37 (sixteen years ago) link

you haven't lived until you've seen ray liotta do a slow-mo "carrie anne moss in the matrix" style jump

omar little, Monday, 12 May 2008 20:38 (sixteen years ago) link

he plays a wizard btw

omar little, Monday, 12 May 2008 20:38 (sixteen years ago) link

ok gotta go to Netflix now

HI DERE, Monday, 12 May 2008 20:38 (sixteen years ago) link

i cannot say you will thank me because, you will not

omar little, Monday, 12 May 2008 20:41 (sixteen years ago) link

Is this a good film for dipping one's toes into the Boll Canon?

latebloomer, Monday, 12 May 2008 20:42 (sixteen years ago) link

lol, Ball Cannon

HI DERE, Monday, 12 May 2008 20:42 (sixteen years ago) link

the last two parts of the film are here:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=G0NzXreih90
http://youtube.com/watch?v=fOBsKBdSOdY

it's all you really need to see

omar little, Monday, 12 May 2008 20:51 (sixteen years ago) link

Is this out on Blu-Ray?

HI DERE, Monday, 12 May 2008 20:58 (sixteen years ago) link

IT IS

I am so Netflixing this.

HI DERE, Monday, 12 May 2008 20:58 (sixteen years ago) link

"HOW DO YOU LIKE MY KRUG?"

Alex in SF, Monday, 12 May 2008 21:02 (sixteen years ago) link

Is that LeeLee Sobieski?

Alex in SF, Monday, 12 May 2008 21:03 (sixteen years ago) link

she's come a long way since kubrick movies

omar little, Monday, 12 May 2008 21:04 (sixteen years ago) link

Does "getting punched in the face by Nic Cage" count as "a long way"?

HI DERE, Monday, 12 May 2008 21:05 (sixteen years ago) link

look just don't say i encouraged this rental

omar little, Monday, 12 May 2008 21:14 (sixteen years ago) link

ok lololololololololololololol at liotta death scene

latebloomer, Monday, 12 May 2008 21:25 (sixteen years ago) link

he knows exactly what movie he's in

latebloomer, Monday, 12 May 2008 21:26 (sixteen years ago) link

those scenes don't even include burt reynolds as the most bored looking king ever and matthew lillard as his traitorous nephew.

omar little, Tuesday, 13 May 2008 00:38 (sixteen years ago) link

one month passes...

Trailer for Death Race is online
http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1809936373/video/8306623

Elvis Telecom, Monday, 16 June 2008 07:55 (fifteen years ago) link

disappointed that I was not the dude who made this poll.

El Tomboto, Monday, 16 June 2008 08:24 (fifteen years ago) link

sry boo

banriquit, Monday, 16 June 2008 08:33 (fifteen years ago) link

it is how I know we shares a blood, it is cool with or without a k, that is how cool it is

El Tomboto, Monday, 16 June 2008 09:43 (fifteen years ago) link

dogg

El Tomboto, Monday, 16 June 2008 09:44 (fifteen years ago) link

yv all seen the transporter 3 trail, right?

Alan, Monday, 16 June 2008 12:46 (fifteen years ago) link

Arrrgh I watched War and Chaos lately -- both AWFUL. Well, I'm pretty sure War was worse. I'm afraid to see anything else by him. And it was going so WELL after Italian Job and Transpo...where did it all go wrong, she wailed forlornly.

Laurel, Monday, 16 June 2008 13:36 (fifteen years ago) link

Aw, we have War on BluRay at home right now. Should we just send it back or is there anything spectacularly trainwrecky about it?

HI DERE, Monday, 16 June 2008 13:40 (fifteen years ago) link

I don't know who's giving him acting advice, but Statham does that slightly hoarse "talking under his breath" thing that made Steven Seagal so annoying eventually (other than the ponytail). For the entire movie. And is just basically unconvincing. The finale is exciting, though, and Jet Li is about three times the character that Statham's is, so if you like him, there's your payoff.

Laurel, Monday, 16 June 2008 13:43 (fifteen years ago) link

God that death race trailer o_O who'd actually need to go and see the film after watching it?

Pashmina, Monday, 16 June 2008 13:49 (fifteen years ago) link

two months pass...

The Bank Job is excellent and loads of fun btw

El Tomboto, Wednesday, 20 August 2008 21:59 (fifteen years ago) link

Better than DEATH RACE which is incidentally opening this weekend?

robertwolf8080, Wednesday, 20 August 2008 22:11 (fifteen years ago) link

OH HEY LOOK, MY FAVORITE THREAD!

Laurel, Wednesday, 20 August 2008 22:17 (fifteen years ago) link

lol Laurel I wondered if you had seen it yet
he has some pretty good boxer shorts action going on atop his pate in this one, no bic cuts in '71

El Tomboto, Wednesday, 20 August 2008 22:45 (fifteen years ago) link

just saw the bank job and it was great.

i like all heist flicks ever.

M@tt He1ges0n, Wednesday, 20 August 2008 22:50 (fifteen years ago) link

He was in the paper today saying he couldn't afford to be picky about women. he likes them all apparently.

Raw Patrick, Wednesday, 20 August 2008 22:50 (fifteen years ago) link

I have not seen The Bank Job, I got TEH FEAR after War and that adrenaline movie where he dies, and Chaos. Have not gone back yet. Maybe I will for DAETH RACE, though!!

Laurel, Wednesday, 20 August 2008 22:51 (fifteen years ago) link

Oh please, if he can't afford to be picky about women, I'm Victoria Beckham.

Laurel, Wednesday, 20 August 2008 22:51 (fifteen years ago) link

B-b-but he doesn't die in Crank: Crank 2: HIGH VOLTAGE

robertwolf8080, Thursday, 21 August 2008 23:05 (fifteen years ago) link

Cast

* Jason Statham as Chev Chelios
* Amy Smart as Eve
* Efren Ramirez as Venus
* Dwight Yoakam as Doc Miles
* Reno Wilson as Orlando
* Clifton Collins, Jr. as El Huron
* Bai Ling as Ria
* Geri Halliwell as TBA[2]

Original Crank actress Amy Smart as Eve will pose topless brandishing taped nipples and entirely nude in a strip club scene.[3]

Former child actor Corey Haim will have a cameo appearance in the film and it is stated that he may have a scene where he is completely nude.[4]

Maynard James Keenan, of the American rock band Tool, and Danny Lohner, formerly of Nine Inch Nails, will also cameo in the film. It is currently unknown how nude he will be in this movie.

jeff, Thursday, 21 August 2008 23:27 (fifteen years ago) link

I SAW THE BANK JOB LAST NIGHT, WIERD

gbx, Friday, 22 August 2008 00:00 (fifteen years ago) link

I just loaded The Bank Job onto my ipod for Sunday airplane watching -- watch this space on Monday for my response.

Laurel, Friday, 22 August 2008 14:11 (fifteen years ago) link

gotta see "The Bank Job"

"War" was a surprisingly stupid movie lurking in awesome movie's clothes.

HI DERE, Friday, 22 August 2008 14:14 (fifteen years ago) link

i walked out of the bank job - unfortunately i walked into vantage point

ice crӕm, Friday, 22 August 2008 14:16 (fifteen years ago) link

haha FAIL

HI DERE, Friday, 22 August 2008 14:17 (fifteen years ago) link

What did I tell you about War, Dan? See?

Laurel, Friday, 22 August 2008 14:17 (fifteen years ago) link

I didn't have a problem with Statham's character as much I had a problem with the plot being incredibly looneystupid and the director unable to actually convince me that the TRAGIC TWIST made sense.

HI DERE, Friday, 22 August 2008 14:26 (fifteen years ago) link

(I mean, it's not like THE TRAGIC TWIST was as nonsensical as THE SHOCKING TWIST, but at least there are strong clues leading to THE SHOCKING TWIST; THE TRAGIC TWIST basically comes out of nowhere and I spent the subsequent 10 minutes after it happened thinking it wasn't actually true because the plot basically goes out of its way to present it in the least reliable manner possible.)

HI DERE, Friday, 22 August 2008 14:28 (fifteen years ago) link

The Bank Job was OK but I dunno, it lacked something for me to really enjoy it. And I say this as a great fan of statham. Only movie of his I havent seen is the Uwe Boll one, I'm keeping it for one of those days when everything seems to go wrong and I need utter crap to boost me.

Jibe, Friday, 22 August 2008 15:32 (fifteen years ago) link

Also, psyched for Trans 3 and Crank2 (specially Crank, hope we see more of the doc ... and Amy Smart, but on that count I've been reassured by what jeff posted upthread)

Jibe, Friday, 22 August 2008 15:33 (fifteen years ago) link

Death Race = AWESOME

Jeff Treppel, Friday, 22 August 2008 15:42 (fifteen years ago) link

Just watched the trailer and it looks awesome! Couldnt agree more with that dude in it who says "now thats entertainment!"

Jibe, Friday, 22 August 2008 15:47 (fifteen years ago) link

'in the name of the king' is a film that must be seen to be believed and yet i now do not want to believe

omar little, Friday, 22 August 2008 16:55 (fifteen years ago) link

bank job

the first few minutes of transporter 2 also

deeznuts, Friday, 22 August 2008 18:03 (fifteen years ago) link

two months pass...

Armond White declares JS the #1 movie star:

http://www.nypress.com/21/35/film/ArmondWhite.cfm

None of today’s media favorites (Clooney, Pitt, Depp, Damon) can list so many films as good as Transporter, Cellular, Transporter 2, London, Revolver, Crank, War and Death Race.

Decades ago those would have been called B-movies. They don’t have the cachet of big-budget dreck like The Bourne Identity-Supremacy-Ultimatum, but they get the job done. Statham’s films are shorter, swifter, more imaginative and meaningful. B-movie virtues (distilling complex dilemmas to clearly depicted personal moral conflicts) thrive in the terseness and flair of these films—and especially in Statham’s understated heroism.

Dr Morbius, Monday, 3 November 2008 21:24 (fifteen years ago) link

I really want to see Statham star in a romantic comedy

― human cactus (latebloomer), Monday, November 3, 2008 9:19 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

human cactus (latebloomer), Monday, 3 November 2008 21:26 (fifteen years ago) link

four months pass...

http://www.latinoreview.com/news/new-crank-high-voltage-red-band-trailer-6402

, Thursday, 19 March 2009 21:09 (fifteen years ago) link

No no no nono no. No.

How can there be male ladybugs? (Laurel), Thursday, 19 March 2009 21:10 (fifteen years ago) link

Appetizing language

robertwolf8080, Thursday, 19 March 2009 21:27 (fifteen years ago) link

Patton Oswalt on Statham

Jason Statham has never been in a great movie.

He's also never been in a boring one.

Statham's imdb.com profile, collectively, is a promise to you, the weary filmgoer. It's a promise that says, "I promise that you will not FOR ONE SECOND be bored during one of my movies. You won't learn shit about the human condition, or feel a collective connection with the brotherhood of man. But if you give me $10, I will fuck an explosion while a Slayer song plays".

I just watched CRANK on Showtime, and I can't understand how I missed this when it was in theaters.

I'm buying THE BANK JOB and DEATHRACE on iTunes today. After CRANK, Mr. Statham can count on my $10 every time he makes a movie. If someone figures out how to make a movie for $8, and it stars Jason Statham, then they're guaranteed a $2 profit.

I look forward to any new film by Ang Lee, David Gordon Green, Paul Thomas Anderson, The Coen Brothers, Paul Greengrass or Ross McElwee.

And now, Jason Statham. I don't know how much say he has in the films he makes. But I get the impression that he reads the scripts. And if the script doesn't make him want to drive a bulldozer through a cake store, I'll bet he punches the script through a wall.

In fact, my entire stack of Academy screeners would have been vastly improved by the addition of Jason Statham. Here we go:

CHANGELING: Jason Statham plays the kidnapped boy, who immediately beats his kidnappers to death, then fights female assassins on top of a blimp.

CURIOUS CASE OF BENJAMIN BUTTON: Jason Statham injects the backward-aging man-freak with a Sino/Chilean rage compound, and they fight in lava pit.

DEFIANCE: Jason Statham throws Hitler into a woodchipper, eats the entrails as they fly out the other end, and then shits out Winston Churchill.

DOUBT: Jason Statham drop-kicks the Pope through the core of the Earth, and the Pope's head goes up Meryl Streep's ass and then Motorhead's "The Ace of Spades" plays.

FROST/NIXON: Jason Statham pulls off David Frost's skin, drops him into a tank of sea salt, and then Statham and Nixon rent a limo and drive across country, shotgunning hippies.

GRAN TORINO: Jason Statham glowers at Clint Eastwood, who glowers back, creating a Glower Vortex which destroys the planet.

THE READER: Statham kills the teenage kid with a lawnmower, then fucks Kate Winslet literate.

REVOLUTIONARY ROAD: Jason Statham drives an 18-wheeler full of nitro into the title suburb, blows everything to shit, and then spends 90 minutes hunting down absolutely everyone involved with the making of this film, beating them to death with TV trays.

THE WRESTLER: Jason Statham, Richard Nixon, the 'roided-out Benjamin Button murder-freak, the Churchill feces-baby and Mickey Rourke drive cross country in a limo, with Leo DiCaprio's severed head on the hood, where they crash the Spirit Awards and kill everyone.

There you go. Statham! Full disclosure: I saw Jason Statham eating a salad at Joan's on 3rd, here in L.A. Really, I did. I wanted to say hello, but he seemed like he could chuck an arugula leaf through my skull.

Do yourselves a favor, Academy voters. CRANK 2: HIGH VOLTAGE comes out April 19th. On April 20th, rescind all the voting categories. There should be one statue given out next year -- a 45-foot, sentient Oscar kill-bot, which Jason Statham will fight to the death at the next ceremony.

Statham! Yell it when you're fucking!

Chris Barrus (Elvis Telecom), Friday, 27 March 2009 00:48 (fifteen years ago) link

his improvements are worthy of a poll. I'd probably vote for the Benjamin Buttons description. I lol'd hard.

The Lost Boys Buff Guy Playing Sax (rockapads), Friday, 27 March 2009 01:09 (fifteen years ago) link

yeah, that was great

Nhex, Friday, 27 March 2009 02:15 (fifteen years ago) link

chaos was pretty lol if u can get past the idea of ryan phillippe as a police detective mastermind type altho the way he furrows his brow when talking about math is INCREDIBLE~~~~ he and statham have sum tremendous lines

obv its not one of the true greats like crank or cellular but its worth killing a lazy sunday afternoon with

Point being, I hate all of you. (Lamp), Friday, 27 March 2009 03:37 (fifteen years ago) link

You won't learn shit about the human condition, or feel a collective connection with the brotherhood of man.

Really? I thought Transporter 2 was about a misogynistic loner learning to get over his fear of closeness and allow a woman to penetrate his underground fortress.

Comprehensive Nuclear Suggest-Ban Treaty (Hurting 2), Friday, 27 March 2009 04:02 (fifteen years ago) link

you mean to sodomize him.

s1ocki, Friday, 27 March 2009 04:15 (fifteen years ago) link

if you will

Comprehensive Nuclear Suggest-Ban Treaty (Hurting 2), Friday, 27 March 2009 04:22 (fifteen years ago) link

I still haven't seen In the name of the King. It's still the only Statham I haven't seen. I still believe it to be terrible crap even though I know the guy who worked on a DVD version of this film in France and he did an awesome job - Uwe Boll's name appears nowhere on the sleeve, he changed the title to trick people into thinking it was a different film etc - so good was his job that it sold qui te well and he received an email from Uwe Boll to congratulate him on his excellent work. He may have lunch with Uwe and if he does I hope i can be invited too :D

Jibe, Friday, 27 March 2009 16:05 (fifteen years ago) link

four months pass...

Revolver (2005/I) 0

;_;

eine ausgesprochene Verbindung von Schlau und Dumm (Eisbaer), Saturday, 1 August 2009 20:49 (fourteen years ago) link

n/m

no momo?

BIG HOOS's wacky crack variety hour (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Saturday, 1 August 2009 21:53 (fourteen years ago) link

i missed this poll, but i would've voted for transporter 2 for its cartoonish and ridiculous violence generally & the scene where statham beats the shit outta a half-dozen bad guys w/ a fire hose in particular. plus kate nauta as the skankiest super-villainess ever.

eine ausgesprochene Verbindung von Schlau und Dumm (Eisbaer), Saturday, 1 August 2009 22:27 (fourteen years ago) link

War was entertaining but I don't understand how trading someone's face makes an Asian-American who speaks English like a normal citizen suddenly speak broken english in a funny accent. even Statham's character points that out!

Elvin Wayburn Phillips, Sunday, 2 August 2009 17:51 (fourteen years ago) link

I forwarded that Patton Oswalt thing upthread to a friend, and his response:

...these are words to live by. I saw Crank 2: High Voltage at the
theatre for crissakes. I have seen just about every Statham movie and
if there is a cult, I am probably an honorary member and will gladly
attend meetings....I have even seen his Uwe Bol movie, 'In the Name of the King'. Though I would tell whoever wrote this thing that they should skip the Bank Job, it did suck. Crank and The Transporter (I) are film masterpieces without a doubt. There are also a whole host of 40+ women who love Statham. Women who normally wouldn't watch an action movie, they will stand in line all day for him.

Snatch was a pretty good movie, though Statham doesn't kick any ass in
it. Did I tell you that I saw Statham at the Massive Attack show a few
years ago? Not only that I saw him in a crowd waiting to cross the
street heading towards the Hollywood Bowl. He was with some hot girl in
heels, who was probably thinking "I am dating Mr. Big action hero guy
and I have to walk from a parking lot? Where is my fucking limo?"
Which only adds to his awesome, he was walking with us regular Joe's.
Statham is my hero. A god among men.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 3 August 2009 17:19 (fourteen years ago) link

one month passes...

Patton Oswalt OTM. I lol'd hard @ this: GRAN TORINO: Jason Statham glowers at Clint Eastwood, who glowers back, creating a Glower Vortex which destroys the planet.

I am a new convert to the cult of Statham & will be downloading Crank & Crank 2 for a Crank Double Feature this weekend! I've also got In the Name of the King on my list. Burt Reynolds as a goddam king w/ Statham to boot? This has got to be a treasure trove of lolz & OTT setpieces, right?

Pullman/Paxton Revolving Bills (Pillbox), Saturday, 5 September 2009 17:16 (fourteen years ago) link

actually, the (very appropriately named) matthew lollard provides a lot of the lollz (sorry, couldn't resist) in in the name of the king -- he and ray liotta are that film's tag-team of really bad uwe boll-movie acting. burt reynolds is just kind of along for the ride; and statham is, well, statham only decked out in his renaissance-faire asskicker best.

Mein bester Freund, die Kackwurst, wird bis zu einem Meter groß. (Eisbaer), Saturday, 5 September 2009 21:09 (fourteen years ago) link

wtf transporter winning this gtfo ffs

BIG jock KNEW aka the steindriver (jim), Saturday, 5 September 2009 21:13 (fourteen years ago) link

ITTOTK is also a Uwe Boll film? It's not based on a video game, is it?

Pullman/Paxton Revolving Bills (Pillbox), Saturday, 5 September 2009 21:15 (fourteen years ago) link

Dungeon Siege.

BIG jock KNEW aka the steindriver (jim), Saturday, 5 September 2009 21:17 (fourteen years ago) link

The Crank (2002) 7
Siege Machine (2006) 6
Ghosts 2 (2005) 4
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Cranks (1998) 2
Mean Machine (2001) 0
The Ghosts (2001) 0
Ghosts of Crank (2001) 0
Turn the Machine (2000) 0
The Italian Snatch (2003) 0
Collateral Chaos (2004) 0
Cellular (2004) 0
London Snatch (2005) 0
Mean (2005/I) 0
Up (2005/II) 0
The Pink Cellular (2006) 0
In the Name of War: A Dungeon Siege Job (2007) 0
War (2007) 0
The Job Crank (2008) 0

Tracer Hand, Sunday, 6 September 2009 00:00 (fourteen years ago) link

the only thing that distinguished the one was statham's very bad attempt at an american accent. and that jet li did most of the ass-kicking, not statham.

Mein bester Freund, die Kackwurst, wird bis zu einem Meter groß. (Eisbaer), Sunday, 6 September 2009 06:31 (fourteen years ago) link

wtf transporter winning this gtfo ffs

transporter is no transporter 2

miss pamela and the gtfo's (sic), Sunday, 6 September 2009 11:27 (fourteen years ago) link

one month passes...

I LOL'ed

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=78rxD1TTWDk

Elvis Telecom, Friday, 9 October 2009 05:22 (fourteen years ago) link

I demand a 1970s-era version of The Transporter too.

Elvis Telecom, Friday, 9 October 2009 05:22 (fourteen years ago) link

nine months pass...

Crank 3: The Transporter 5

surfer blood for oil (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 14 July 2010 17:13 (thirteen years ago) link

WD WATCH/WS

the aztec mystic pizza (Stevie D), Wednesday, 14 July 2010 17:14 (thirteen years ago) link

that'd be awesome.

i had the pleasure of seeing Crank for the first time last month. it was ridiculously awesome, especially given that the trailers downplayed the video gamey aspects of it....

San Te, Wednesday, 14 July 2010 17:15 (thirteen years ago) link

I have never seen it but am totally open to it.

the aztec mystic pizza (Stevie D), Wednesday, 14 July 2010 17:17 (thirteen years ago) link

Combining the two 'plots' as it were would work really well.

surfer blood for oil (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 14 July 2010 17:21 (thirteen years ago) link

transporter 2 > crank 2 > transporter >>>>>>> crank

johnny crunch, Wednesday, 14 July 2010 17:30 (thirteen years ago) link

that's the wrong way around

conrad, Wednesday, 14 July 2010 17:36 (thirteen years ago) link

that is pretty much the complete opposite of what is right and good, yes.

turtles all the way down (mh), Wednesday, 14 July 2010 19:16 (thirteen years ago) link

transporter is no transporter 2

― miss pamela and the gtfo's (sic), Sunday, 6 September 2009 21:27 (10 months ago)

oh sh!t a ¯\⎝⏠___⏠⎠/¯ (sic), Thursday, 15 July 2010 00:21 (thirteen years ago) link

also, Crank 2 is in no way worse than Crank 1 - it just simply couldn't exist without the former, and is openly a distillation and exaggeration of the wondrousness of its predecessor. It is truly a tragedy that this was a box-office flop, and that we shall be denied the otherwise inevitable glory of CRANK 3-D.

oh sh!t a ¯\⎝⏠___⏠⎠/¯ (sic), Thursday, 15 July 2010 00:35 (thirteen years ago) link

Crank 3: The Transporter 5 2: Crank Dude vs. Transporter

surfer blood for oil (Hurting 2), Thursday, 15 July 2010 15:56 (thirteen years ago) link

the otherwise inevitable glory of CRANK 3-D.

a vision, as ned would say.

The Beatles are not pizza!!! (Eisbaer), Friday, 16 July 2010 03:26 (thirteen years ago) link

four months pass...

http://www.digitalspy.com/showbiz/news/a287754/pattinson-statham-involved-in-bar-fight.html

Robert Pattinson reportedly became engaged in a bar fight with actor Jason Statham over his girlfriend Kristen Stewart.

Pattinson, who is currently shooting The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn with Stewart, was said to have threatened Transporter star Statham after the action star hit on Stewart.

"Jason is totally jacked and Rob is scrawny," a source told Us Weekly. "But Rob said, 'I think you’ve had enough time with her'. They got heated."

The bouncers of the LA bar allegedly stepped in to stop the two actors from fighting.

Statham is currently dating Transformers 3 star Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, though there have been reports that the model has left Statham for co-star Shia LaBeouf.

Stockhausen's Helicopter Quartet (Elvis Telecom), Wednesday, 17 November 2010 00:19 (thirteen years ago) link

but Shia LeBeouf is dating Carey Mulligan!

Gukbe, Wednesday, 17 November 2010 00:20 (thirteen years ago) link

They split. Do keep up!

ailsa, Wednesday, 17 November 2010 00:26 (thirteen years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Meanwhile:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMklQNn0OH0

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 7 December 2010 18:28 (thirteen years ago) link

two weeks pass...

Can't wait to see it. I always liked the Charles Bronson movie that this one is a remake of.

Stockhausen's Ekranoplan Quartet (Elvis Telecom), Thursday, 23 December 2010 07:41 (thirteen years ago) link

one month passes...

his movies have grossed 1.6bn?

Achillean Heel (darraghmac), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 23:32 (thirteen years ago) link

"jason statham is a fucking legend"

9 results (0.14 seconds)

fuck you jan stepek you kurwa (nakhchivan), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 23:37 (thirteen years ago) link

eleven months pass...

It's every movie he's done before, but I don't care. I'm there on opening night.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mv2VZi5RD6c

Stockhausen's Ekranoplan Quartet (Elvis Telecom), Thursday, 9 February 2012 20:40 (twelve years ago) link

Nothing is as good as a Statham movie.

A funnier, sunnier (Nicole), Thursday, 9 February 2012 20:47 (twelve years ago) link

A woman I know told me that she went to school with Statham and that he is considerably older than his official hollywood age. oooooooo

owenf, Thursday, 9 February 2012 20:57 (twelve years ago) link

She's not prone to making shit up either oooooooooo

owenf, Thursday, 9 February 2012 20:57 (twelve years ago) link

I don't even know what his "Hollywood age" is supposed to be, so obviously I don't care.

one little aioli (Laurel), Thursday, 9 February 2012 20:58 (twelve years ago) link

He is ageless, like the Highlander or Kenneth the Page.

Nicole, Thursday, 9 February 2012 21:00 (twelve years ago) link

well said

the third kind of dubstep (Jordan), Thursday, 9 February 2012 21:01 (twelve years ago) link

Linked and copied in full up above but let us never forget Patton Oswalt's words of wisdom from 2009:

http://www.pattonoswalt.com/index.cfm?page=spew&id=89

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 9 February 2012 21:01 (twelve years ago) link

If anything, being older makes me think he's harder anyway.

owenf, Thursday, 9 February 2012 21:02 (twelve years ago) link

wait, you're saying Jason Statham might be older than 44????? SCANDAL

I spend a lot of time thinking about apricots (DJP), Thursday, 9 February 2012 21:02 (twelve years ago) link

haha yeah i mean he's kind of one of those dudes where the older he gets the more badass it makes him seem

Alshipleyan Goalpostmover (some dude), Thursday, 9 February 2012 21:04 (twelve years ago) link

GOSS

owenf, Thursday, 9 February 2012 21:08 (twelve years ago) link

I was just reminded on FB that he'll be in Fast 6

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 9 February 2012 21:17 (twelve years ago) link

weirdly want to see the bruce willis version of this

also new york's toughest cop was a britishes?

also STATHAM

all yoga attacks are fire based (rogermexico.), Friday, 10 February 2012 06:07 (twelve years ago) link

stoked!!

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Friday, 10 February 2012 10:46 (twelve years ago) link

i love him

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Friday, 10 February 2012 14:15 (twelve years ago) link

the grease fight scene in Transporter is what did it

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Friday, 10 February 2012 14:17 (twelve years ago) link

dude is making a remake of an obscure Burt Reynolds flick with DePalma!!!!

http://www.deadline.com/2012/02/jason-statham-to-star-in-brian-de-palma-directed-redo-of-burt-reynolds-film-heat-berlin/

Hero.

da croupier, Friday, 10 February 2012 14:21 (twelve years ago) link

I'm guessing they'll eventually flee the title Heat but I wish Statham would just assert "well, it's the name of my movie now."

da croupier, Friday, 10 February 2012 14:22 (twelve years ago) link

If they do change it, I vote for Escalante!

da croupier, Friday, 10 February 2012 14:23 (twelve years ago) link

the url made me think/hope the title of the movie was Heat Berlin

some dude, Friday, 10 February 2012 14:25 (twelve years ago) link

Vegas Heat would also be satisfactory

da croupier, Friday, 10 February 2012 14:34 (twelve years ago) link

or Snake Eyes II: Hookertown

da croupier, Friday, 10 February 2012 14:35 (twelve years ago) link

How much older would he have to be to be "significantly older?" Dude does not seem to be 50 in any way

valleys of your mind (mh), Friday, 10 February 2012 14:49 (twelve years ago) link

lesser Statham movies I have seen in the past couple years:
Blitz -- crappy british-style directing iirc
The Bank Job -- Non-action Statham and was watchable, if a bit uneventful

valleys of your mind (mh), Friday, 10 February 2012 14:52 (twelve years ago) link

"Safe" was written and director by Boaz Yakin. What a weird career that dude's had.

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 10 February 2012 14:57 (twelve years ago) link

i can't imagine the disappointment of renting The Bank Job starring Jason Statham and not getting an action movie

some dude, Friday, 10 February 2012 14:59 (twelve years ago) link

It's about a guy working at the bank, iirc.

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 10 February 2012 15:00 (twelve years ago) link

You don't really notice that The Bank J isn't an action movie, though? It feels like one!

one little aioli (Laurel), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:01 (twelve years ago) link

When I first got this release, I thought they were remaking the Michael Mann classic Heat, which would have been a travesty.

I don't know--Statham in the DeNiro role, Burt Reynolds in the Pacino role...

‘Neuroscience’ and ‘near death’ pepper (Eazy), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:01 (twelve years ago) link

still have only seen this guy in a supporting role in Cellular. he's just someone for str8 guys to be gay for.

Literal Facepalms (Dr Morbius), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:23 (twelve years ago) link

Ahem?

one little aioli (Laurel), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:26 (twelve years ago) link

I interviewed him when "Lock Stock" came out. It was me, him and one of the other dudes. They were bored and playing a game where they came up with words that started or sounded the same as the city they were in. I suggested "chicanery." Statham was very impressed. That's my Jason Statham story.

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 10 February 2012 15:27 (twelve years ago) link

I know a number of women who really enjoy watching this guy in movies. Dunno if they actually like the movies, per se...

valleys of your mind (mh), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:31 (twelve years ago) link

my wife loves his movies, probably more than I do (for example, she didn't hate Transporter 3 as much as I did)

I spend a lot of time thinking about apricots (DJP), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:32 (twelve years ago) link

he's just someone for st8 women to be str8 for

valleys of your mind (mh), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:33 (twelve years ago) link

oh OK, I don't even think of women watching, y'know, crap like this. Just cooing over Meryl Streep etc.

Literal Facepalms (Dr Morbius), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:38 (twelve years ago) link

Dr Morbs on women, everyone

valleys of your mind (mh), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:40 (twelve years ago) link

lol, the only ppl I ever see cooing over Meryl Streep in my everyday life are gay men

I spend a lot of time thinking about apricots (DJP), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:41 (twelve years ago) link

not for years

xp

Literal Facepalms (Dr Morbius), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:41 (twelve years ago) link

Unconvinced anyone coos over Meryl Streep

Charles Kennedy Jumped Up, He Called 'Oh No'. (Tom D.), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:42 (twelve years ago) link

well that figures; you don't have to sell me on what horrible taste gay men have in just about everything. xxp

Literal Facepalms (Dr Morbius), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:42 (twelve years ago) link

you're my type of misanthropist :)

valleys of your mind (mh), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:43 (twelve years ago) link

i wonder if women like statham movies more than guys do. or at least statham movies like transporter and crank, which are quite funny and weird for all their action/violence, like they're fantasy movies for women who hate romantic comedies (i am talking abt myself here obv)

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:49 (twelve years ago) link

like if Statham starred in a sci-fi action movie i would be THERE without question

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:50 (twelve years ago) link

i am thinking of Pitch Black and how that made me love Vin Diesel

obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:51 (twelve years ago) link

"Looks clear."

one little aioli (Laurel), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:54 (twelve years ago) link

There's another Riddick movie coming out, lol

valleys of your mind (mh), Friday, 10 February 2012 15:59 (twelve years ago) link

my wife loves statham, probably more than i do.

omar little, Friday, 10 February 2012 17:02 (twelve years ago) link

statham as roy batty in a blade runner remake?

it might look subversive, but it's actually crap ... crap does exist (Eisbaer), Friday, 10 February 2012 18:15 (twelve years ago) link

I am not attracted to Statham at all, but I just love his movies because they are funny, weird, or ridiculous in some way and I enjoy action movies.

Chaos should get a special mention here because it is basically the plot of MacGruber played straight (it even has Ryan Phillipe!) until the ending.

Nicole, Friday, 10 February 2012 18:21 (twelve years ago) link

statham looks just like one of my ex-bosses -- my ex-boss even SOUNDS like statham (albeit with a slight brooklyn accent).

it might look subversive, but it's actually crap ... crap does exist (Eisbaer), Friday, 10 February 2012 18:24 (twelve years ago) link

Look, just say your ex-boss was Statham.

Ned Raggett, Friday, 10 February 2012 18:24 (twelve years ago) link

He's your ex-boss because you were drop-kicked through a window one too many times after screwing up the coffee order.

Ned Raggett, Friday, 10 February 2012 18:24 (twelve years ago) link

He then caused the coffee to explode by staring at it.

Ned Raggett, Friday, 10 February 2012 18:25 (twelve years ago) link

Statham in a Scanners remake could be entertaining

I spend a lot of time thinking about apricots (DJP), Friday, 10 February 2012 18:25 (twelve years ago) link

I would pay all this money for that.

Ned Raggett, Friday, 10 February 2012 18:26 (twelve years ago) link

no! i don't want to think about anything deforming his beautiful dome

da croupier, Friday, 10 February 2012 19:50 (twelve years ago) link

people itt need to found the law firm of Dumi, Statham & Howe

some dude, Friday, 10 February 2012 20:00 (twelve years ago) link

lol

I spend a lot of time thinking about apricots (DJP), Friday, 10 February 2012 20:07 (twelve years ago) link

one month passes...
two months pass...

my wife loves statham, probably more than i do.

My gf likes Statham as much as I do. For her birthday over the weekend, we went to a drive-in to see a bizarrely programmed double-feature of Safe and The Dictator. We both loved Safe, but I do have to mention one thing... seeing a Statham movie at a drive-in automatically makes it 12x as righteous.

Vini Reilly Invasion (Elvis Telecom), Monday, 21 May 2012 21:33 (twelve years ago) link

four months pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4GMBXStd3SA

Clowns, priests, and JLo.

controversial cabaret roommate (Nicole), Wednesday, 3 October 2012 19:56 (eleven years ago) link

Love Point Blank and almost-love Payback, wary of this one. Parker doesn't need to be all Cranked-up.

Kiarostami bag (milo z), Wednesday, 3 October 2012 20:14 (eleven years ago) link

love this guy. he's a genre unto himself.

flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Wednesday, 3 October 2012 20:31 (eleven years ago) link

as a parker movie it looks awful (lol at his rule about not hurting people 'who dont deserve it'), but as a statham flick it looks a little better than the stuff he's been doing lately.

turds (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 3 October 2012 20:33 (eleven years ago) link

How did Transporter beat Crank? Crank is a genuinely inspired piece of film making.

I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Wednesday, 3 October 2012 20:46 (eleven years ago) link

Because Transporter has the Rules of the Car.

purveyor of generations (in orbit), Wednesday, 3 October 2012 20:51 (eleven years ago) link

First rule of the car: Respect a man's car, a man will respect you.

purveyor of generations (in orbit), Wednesday, 3 October 2012 20:53 (eleven years ago) link

wau at calling that Parker - while he was alive Westlake almost universally barred the name even being used for the character in adaptations, now they're adapting one of the late ones that specifically depends on him being forty years deep into his career and casting a young(ish) man and expecting the weight to be carried? booooo.

┐(´ー`)┌ (sic), Wednesday, 3 October 2012 23:36 (eleven years ago) link

yeah it's pretty gross that they waited for westlake to die so they could shit all over his character

turds (Hungry4Ass), Thursday, 4 October 2012 00:00 (eleven years ago) link

Statham's cowboy hat in that trailer makes him look uncomfortably like Michael Gira.

Elvis Telecom, Thursday, 4 October 2012 04:42 (eleven years ago) link

two months pass...

man Blitz is grisly

PliesStripAThon5Jan20th@gmail.com (some dude), Monday, 31 December 2012 03:43 (eleven years ago) link

Chiklis in that trailer!

your damn bass clarinet (Eazy), Monday, 31 December 2012 03:54 (eleven years ago) link

three months pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qe6Viz3Jw3Q

inste grammophon (rogermexico.), Monday, 1 April 2013 06:08 (eleven years ago) link

oh hai i wrote about the parker movie here --
http://murderjones.tumblr.com/post/44829394012/parker-vs-parker

i didn't know ade was a westlake fan! that's great! he never visits the westlake thread when i revive it though.

i guess i'd just rather listen to canned heat? (ian), Monday, 1 April 2013 14:51 (eleven years ago) link

six months pass...

Saw a preview for the new Statham movie "Homefront" (actually it was the ad that came up before watching a Lou Reed YouTube someone posted on Facebook) where he plays American (?) and his 10-11 year old daughter beats up a bully Statham-style and puts the family on the bad side of a meth dealer played by James Franco and also Winona Ryder is involved somehow? Looks amazing.

Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 31 October 2013 21:23 (ten years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjSOj8b804U

Sad LOL at having to watch an ad before watching this trailer (i.e. an ad)

Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 31 October 2013 21:24 (ten years ago) link

where he plays American

He's supposed to be American in quite a few of his movies, but it's hard to tell as his efforts at an accent are pretty minimal.

I'll definitely be watching this new one.

I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Friday, 1 November 2013 01:37 (ten years ago) link

six months pass...

Just watched Homefront. It's definitely worth seeing. All the usual Statham ass-kickery with a side order of redneck blood-feudin'. Kate Bosworth's great in it (seriously - she plays a mom who'll burn the world down if she thinks she's been disrespected, and she's the scariest, most real thing about the movie); Winona Ryder and James Franco are...also in it. Script by Sylvester Stallone. Still recommended.

Humorist (horse) (誤訳侮辱), Saturday, 24 May 2014 23:49 (ten years ago) link

six months pass...

http://www.vulture.com/2014/11/what-its-like-to-be-a-movie-body-double.html

Crank (2006)
Amy Smart’s body double
“My most fun moment on set was Crank. Jason Statham made me feel so comfortable. I can’t remember exactly what he said, but I remember telling my husband later — something so charming, like, 'Don’t worry about it, I got ya, love.' He didn’t make me feel stupid or naked. And I had to be completely topless, and it was this crazy scene outside with all these background actors. But I was like, 'This is not a bad day. I’m taking my clothes off for Jason Statham. I’ll be okay today.' I remember getting the call for Crank 2; Amy Smart requested me and I thought that was really nice. But I was pregnant and couldn’t do it, and I was so upset. But you can’t be a pregnant body-double. It’s a liability.”

j., Friday, 5 December 2014 15:56 (nine years ago) link

two years pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6anGt4u2Aq0

Elvis Telecom, Saturday, 18 February 2017 21:21 (seven years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6gqpPqDPJk

Elvis Telecom, Saturday, 18 February 2017 21:22 (seven years ago) link

one year passes...

Statham vs. Shark feels vaguely like internet meme bait. Guess that's how movies are made now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bsLk0NPRFAc

Elvis Telecom, Wednesday, 11 April 2018 06:11 (six years ago) link

It's a bummer that this thread wasn't revived a few years ago to discuss his fantastic performance in the Melissa McCarthy movie Spy.

grawlix (unperson), Wednesday, 11 April 2018 11:43 (six years ago) link

yeah he's the best thing in that movie - i've unironically loved statham for years but he's genuinely a revelation there, a fantastic unselfconscious comic performance

star wars ep viii: the bay of porgs (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 11 April 2018 11:46 (six years ago) link

(there's a thread for the meg in its own right btw: Come anticipate THE MEG: THEY FLY @ JASON STATHAM)

star wars ep viii: the bay of porgs (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 11 April 2018 11:47 (six years ago) link

two months pass...

hate to see this genius shaded by wins

tired culché (darraghmac), Thursday, 21 June 2018 07:23 (five years ago) link

The Bank Job -- Non-action Statham and was watchable, if a bit uneventful

six years later I want to bristle at this faint praise - a heist movie by Dick Clement & Ian LaFrenais! it's in my top seven Stathams.

kelp, clam and carrion (sic), Thursday, 21 June 2018 07:55 (five years ago) link

it’s good! hate to see this proud, beautiful bald man in a hairpiece tho, gotta dock it a couple of points for alone

topless from 11am (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 21 June 2018 08:32 (five years ago) link

er, for that alone

topless from 11am (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 21 June 2018 08:32 (five years ago) link


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