Tiger Woods car/life crash

:/

http://www.chicagotribune.com/sports/os-bk-tiger-woods-accident,0,7254095.story

:/

Easy to jump to conclusions I know, but drunk? Hope he's okay anyhow.

:(

airbags didn't deploy, so < 30 mph, according to news.

The ESPN write-up points out that officers said it was NOT alcohol related, because of course everyone would assume if you hit a tree trying to leave your driveway you might be a bit buzzed. Strange accident.

Also 2.25 AM on a holiday.

Maybe he was sniffing glue.

they took pains to point it out, so it must be true

I hope he's OK. No one wants to see him play like a spaz.

he's only 33? that makes me feel like i've done NOTHING with my life!

i like this dude hope hes ok

you probably had a better childhood tho

xp

roger federer gotta be worried

^guilty lol

what did you do to roger federer lj!!!!

DUI (of tryptophan)

According to Sky news, he got seriously injured reversing his car!

on cnn right now, 10+ minutes of live helicopter shot of ... the tree.

(do we know if the tree has any past record of violence? were there tensions between the tree and the woodses? exactly how deep do those roots go?)

can't see the Woods for the trees...

oh yes

CNBC sports business reporter Darren Rovell tweeted: "Tiger Woods' agent on condition: 'He is fine.'

this will fuck up his stats re: driving accuracy

^^^ kudos

My bet is that he stepped on the gas instead of the brake by mistake. Anyways, the world's greatest golfer is a clutz. He should think twice before deciding to putter around the neighborhood again

I was trying to think of another pun, but everything I came up with was below par.

Shakey Mo Collier could not be reached for comment.

BBC guy reporting this from outside the White House

He made a terrible Obama/Woods gaffe??

Following this non-story on Sky Sports news was pretty funny. Wetting themselves with excitement but with nothing to say.

'What we do know is that details are very sketchy. What we do know is that there are a lot of questions.'

Seriously, it was like The Day Today. Then they interviewed an American Fox journalist and started asking, 'Could this be connected in any way with rumours about his personal life in some sections of the media?' 'Does the fact the car crash wasn't particularly serious suggest that these serious injuries happened outside the car.' etc

Also used the phrase 'This is very breaking news' (as opposed to the normal pseudo-hash of press releases and talking heads they usually pass off as breaking news I assume), and twice referred to Sky Sports News as Tiger Woods ('Stay with us here at Tiger Woods as we bring you all the latest news on Tiger Woods')

Then about an hour later it was 'More on the huge breaking news on Tiger Woods - he is being released from hospital and is said to be fine. We will have more on this as soon as we hear about it. There are still plenty of questions to be answered - why was he leaving his house?'

I do not joke.

So basically, they went off half cocked on a non-story and then made that error of judgement the news.

Really does give the lie to 24 hour rolling news - this is the sort of stuff they're supposed to be best at, but they just wet their pants and had nothing to say. Anchor even said 'This is real news' at one point.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/golf/8383782.stm

Aerial footage shows the tree it is believed was struck in the accident

Ha yeah, it was amazing hopping through the news channels for the 9 o'clock bulletins where they all knew it was a non-story but they all had to run with it as the lead item because no-one had worked up the guts to be first to drop it. Poor old Brian Harvey must've been half way into the studios by then. I'm looking forward to seeing which broadsheets commissioned hasty op-eds that they couldn't pull in time.

"A tree that may or may not have been involved in this apparent accident"

RIP Roger Federer

his driving has always been wayward

he can take a penalty free drop after striking that hydrant tho

doctors say he has a good lie in hospital

Jokes cracked by me and my mates in pub when this came on as breaking news on Sky Sports News:

Obviously needs a good driver

Wonder what his handicap will be after this

Time to dust off one of his 35 never-driven LeSabres.

This reminds me of the time I got shitfaced and drove into a fire hydrant at 2:23am

this will fuck up his stats re: driving accuracy

― Bob Saget's "Night Moves": C or D (WmC), Friday, November 27, 2009 3:47 PM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^i used this tonight w/ some friends who are really zing-y and it got big lols

yeah but kudos for this too:

Wonder what his handicap will be after this

this bit is bullshit right?

Tiger Woods' wife used a golf club to smash a window of his Cadillac Escalade and get her injured husband out of the SUV after he crashed

i thought you'd be chipping in with a few puns

Denise Higgins used a snooker cue to fend off youths attacking her husband John Higgins

Coleen Rooney saved Wayne from drowning in lake with football.

I'm sure there's no chance his wife was chasing him with a golf club following an argument and that he's wasn't reversing too quickly because of his fear of being clubbed.

Wife saves Rolf-Dieter Heuer from burglars by colliding intruders with large hadrons at CERN HQ.

plot to die hard 5 right there

collide hard

Live Hard or Die Hydrant </ken c>

fuck, I didn't even pun the right fucking title. Brandy is evil, kids.

I kind of like the enraged wife story that's developing

rumours of an affair, eh? the plot thickens

the whole, "omg let me help my husband out of the car by SMASHING THE REAR WINDOW WITH A GOLF CLUB" just screams Desperate Housewives to me

putt his balls into one ho' too many

^no need for that to be capitalized
xp

lol sandtrap

wouldn't he have put in his 5-iron instead of balls? Or do I not understand how this is done.

back window of an escalade, what's that? 4 iron, maybe a 3 depending on breeze?

one thing I know for sure, if I had that kind of money I wouldn't be driving a fucking escalade.

yeah if he had an escalade, I don't think I mind him getting hurt a lil bit

xxxpost he must have got wood, surely

gotta be honest i think i heard escalade mentioned but i'm not 100% sure

i think his caddy lacks an escalade

stop that

caddy was genius but the pun is a bit sloppy. 6/10.

Tiger Woods: Injuries Caused by Wife, Not SUV

Posted Nov 28th 2009 12:08AM by TMZ Staff

Tiger Woods did not suffer facial lacerations from a car accident. They were inflicted by his wife, Elin Nordegren -- according to a conversation Woods had Friday after the accident.

Tiger has yet to be formally interviewed by the Florida Highway Patrol -- that should happen this afternoon. But we're told Tiger had a conversation Friday -- with a non-law enforcement type -- detailing what went down before his Escalade hit a fire hydrant.

We're told he said his wife had confronted him about reports that he was seeing another woman. The argument got heated and, according to our source, she scratched his face up. We're told it was then Woods beat a hasty retreat for his SUV -- but according to our source, Woods says his wife followed behind with a golf club. As Tiger drove away, she struck the vehicle several times with the club.

Tiger WoodsWe're told Woods became "distracted," thought the vehicle was stopped, and looked to see what had happened. At that point the SUV hit the fire hydrant and then hit a tree.

We're also told Woods had said during the conversation Friday he had been taking prescription pain medication for an injury, which could explain why he seemed somewhat out of it at the scene.

Read more: http://www.tmz.com/2009/11/28/tiger-woods-elin-nordegren-fight-accident-suv-lacerations/#ixzz0Y8Qow27E

Yeah, I buy all this a lot easier than I do the original story. I hardly ever even remembered Tiger was married before this story (I wonder if he had the same problem).

O____________________________________O

xp

Yeah, I buy all this a lot easier than I do the original story. I hardly ever even remembered Tiger was married before this story (I wonder if he had the same problem).

― Johnny Fever, Friday, November 27, 2009 11:07 PM (3 minutes ago)

ayo P, you're still hetero right?

?

His wife's okay-looking, but whatevs.

oic

I just meant Tiger solo is a much greater public persona than "Tiger & wife," and the only time I ever remember he's married is when I see a picture of them together.

Kind of like Bono. The only time you remember he's been married for 20+ years is when he brings his wife out for some reason.

like for a walk or to get her rabies shot

wait bono is married?

which one is she (l? r?)

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/10/25/article-1080636-023AEDFF000005DC-479_468x374.jpg

c'mon, she's not hard to look at:

http://www.thedailygreen.com/cm/thedailygreen/images/56/bono-ali.jpg

http://evilbeetgossip.film.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/tiger_elin-500x592.jpg

sorta reminds me of anna nicole smith

Where's that thread about how Bono sans glasses is Robin Williams....

LOL have been calling Bono 'Mork from Cork' since the release of October.

B-but he's from Dublin.

(duh I know but too OPEN GOAL not to pass up for the sake of a joke)

i mean wtf

gayo from mayo

as well to make a joke referring to his scottishness

Isn't she swedish and doesn't she have a twin sister? I often wonder how the twin sister is doing. At least she doesn't have a husband who drives an Escalade. When they mentioned the woman he philandered with (okay okay fucked), I thought the name sounded familiar. Then I realized she's the one who also seduced the dude from Angel and Bones.

Anyway, this is kinda silly really. They fought about his crappy car and whether or not he fucked that chick in it. Big fucking deal.

This story has a fair way to go then...

his wife sounds like a right pitch tbh but of course they may just have some ishers they need to iron out before this drives a major wedge between them.

it involves a hole in one who is not his wife iirc

(btw karine isher is a french golfer who plays on the ladies tours. I found her on wikipedia when I was trying to crowbar in another crap pun.)

ahhhh i was trying to think of a hole in one joke!

helping u

: )

Mork from Dublin

Think about it:

http://craziestgadgets.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/03/morkegg.jpg

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/io9/2009/02/Lemon5.jpg

haha, the greatest player ever in the worst sport ever just stopped being a huge bore!

(I think I would end golf on earth before wars.)

A wise decision.

His wife's okay-looking, but whatevs.

― Johnny Fever, Saturday, 28 November 2009 07:43 (Yesterday) Permalink

WUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT

http://www.pricescope.com/idealbb/files/ElinNordegren2Ring.jpg

okay looking. I want to live wherever Johnny Fever lives.

sweden?

haha maybe?

lets all move 2 sweden

btw, the whole "smash the rear window of an SUV in order to pull husband out" thing doesn't sound very likely to me.

Read more: http://www.tmz.com/2009/11/28/tiger-woods-elin-nordegren-fight-accident-suv-lacerations/#ixzz0Y8Qow27E

― ♪♫(●̲̲̅̅̅̅=̲̲̅̅̅̅●̲̅̅)♪♫ (Steve Shasta), Saturday, November 28, 2009 2:00 AM (20 hours ago

Ali married Bono on 21 August 1982 in a Church of Ireland (Anglican) ceremony at All Saints Church, Raheny

is this considered "posh" in irish terms??

^^^zing opportunity, britishers

http://media3.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/photo/2009/11/28/PH2009112801542.jpg

For some reason this strikes me as a cross between the Racial Draft skit and the When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong skits

tiger needs a kobe special http://www.tmz.com/2009/11/29/tiger-woods-elin-nordegren-kobe-bryant-rachel-uchitel-zales-ring/

Ali married Bono on 21 August 1982 in a Church of Ireland (Anglican) ceremony at All Saints Church, Raheny

is this considered "posh" in irish terms??

― velko, 29 November 2009 03:33 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

getting marries? these days, maybe.

I liked the video for 'The Sweetest Thing' where Bono brings out all sorts of horrible surprises for Ali. She seemed quite nice, based on the half-second shot of her at the start (and assuming she didn't use a body double). Maybe Tiger should lay on something similar for his missus?

"only boyzone can help me now"

yeah that's gonna be top 3 easy of things tiger woods is never gonna have to say.

xpost she likes boyzone apparently. sweetest thing was also written because he forgot her birthday, hence the "i"m sorry sign".

uh i think that's the story. could be she hates boyzone and he wants to piss her off.

Ghost of Stephen Gately to serenade Mrs Tiger.

http://www.tmz.com/2009/12/01/tiger-woods-us-weekly-jaimee-grubbs-affair-elin-nordegren-voicemail/#ixzz0YSxQeWLv

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.tmz.com/media/2009/12/1201_tiger_grubbs_reg_01.jpg

i get so annoyed--his wife is so friggin hot and probably not an idiot--and he goes and has an affair with a chick from TOOL ACADEMY??

Note to famous married dudes: keep your dick in your pants. That's all there is to it.

Note to famous married dudes: keep your dick in your pants. That's all there is to it.

fixed

i get so annoyed--his wife is so friggin hot and probably not an idiot and is crazy enough to attack him with a golf club--and he goes and has an affair with a chick from TOOL ACADEMY??

what else is she supposed to attack him with? let's imagine how many golf clubs are in that house

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7i5FlC1MpkE

Jaimee Grubbs is the girlfriend of Shawn "Loud Mouth Tool" Southern, one of the contestants on VH1's reality series, "Tool Academy." Jaimee Grubbs is a bartender from Studio City, California.

Jaimee Grubbs sees the sweet and caring side of her tool boyfriend Shawn and can't help but love him. His other qualities are much less appealing to her. Jaimee Grubbs is tired of being treated as just arm candy and wishes Shawn would show an interest in her life. Jaimee Grubbs is looking to the "Tool Academy" to break through to Shawn and give him a much needed reality check.

http://www.poptower.com/images/db/5968/420/300/shawn-loud-mouth-southern.jpg

(yeah, it's good advice for ALL married men, but famous guys are probably tempted about 1000x times as often.)

What you mean is they get offered it 1000x times as often

what else is she supposed to attack him with?

She could have strangled him with a US Open blazer.

btw the GIS result for "us open green blazer" has some incredibly odd NSFW results on the first page

lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmEkdxt3Ufw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7i5FlC1MpkE

American cable news has to to get like this and explain everything via CGI construction.

Scroll up!

There are so many more civilized ways to deal with marital infidelities but I can truly sympathize with a wronged wife when she finds out her husband has been banging some chick whose bf is named Loud Mouth Tool and decides to have at her spouse with a golf club.

whoops, thought I scanned the page thoroughly

Chinese CGI video looks like it was modeled in GTA. Agree that more of this needs to be shown on American news.

when i watch CGI TIGER i like to pretend it's someone's actual dream that was recorded with a DC MINI

Tiger apologizes for running into that golf club or something similar.

"Hey, it's, uh, it's Tiger. I need you to do me a huge favor. Um, can you please, uh, take your name off your phone. My wife went through my phone. And, uh, may be calling you. If you can, please take your name off that and, um, and what do you call it just have it as a number on the voicemail, just have it as your telephone number. That's it, OK. You gotta do this for me. Huge. Quickly. All right. Bye."

btw the GIS result for "us open green blazer" has some incredibly odd NSFW results on the first page

― Huckabee Jesus lifeline (HI DERE), Tuesday, December 1, 2009 2:33 PM (Yesterday)

haha i'm guessing that it's because the masters is the tournament which awards a green jacket

i would like to lend my Tool Academy expertise here to point out that Jamiee wasn't even the Loud Mouth Tool's girlfriend for most of the season, a couple episodes in his other girlfriend showed up and she got mad and left, so the other girl joined in for the rest of the show.

i wish i had a daytime cable show so i could invite you on as an expert al

Not content with just one hole apparently....

o_0

The existence of Tool Academy is the most unsettling thing about all of this

It was a train wreck ... but if you like train wrecks, hooboy.

"Tiger will do more than any other man in history to change the course of humanity. … He is the Chosen One. He'll have the power to impact nations. Not people. Nations."— Earl Woods, Tiger's father

from here

i wish i had a daytime cable show so i could invite you on as an expert al

― max, Wednesday, December 2, 2009 12:55 PM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

haha it could be like the KITH sketch that's a faux-documentary about an escape artist, and when one of the talking heads is onscreen the caption that flashes up is "An old guy who used to watch a lot of TV"

http://www.e85fuel.com/news/2008/060908_escalade_release/2009-cadillac-escalade.jpg
would smash

would pimp
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v356/kenjuggle3/pimpride.jpg

His parents pioneered the racial integration of a California suburb, and on his first day in kindergarten some older boys threw rocks at him and called him "nigger" and "monkey."

whoa! tough kindergarten

and he pelted the rocks with his golf clubs this was how he acquired his skills?

I don't think throwing golf clubs at rocks makes you a good golfer.

doesn't make you a good driver/husband either, it turned out

Imagine I just posted a screenshot from CBBC's "Hedz" where Tiger Woods defends Billie by throwing golf clubs at things, but unfortunately it hits her head instead.

Your latest morning development, or not.

Ochocinco weighs in

http://www.facebook.com/inbox/?drop&ref=mb#/video/video.php?v=792505380802&ref=nf

Tiger Woods was found shoeless and snoring in the street when neighbors came upon him in the moments after Woods crashed his SUV outside his Florida mansion, according to an interview the Florida Highway Patrol recorded at the scene.

http://sports.espn.go.com/golf/news/story?id=4712889

Hahah what

http://www.newser.com/story/75461/rachel-uchitel-had-crazy-ambien-sex-with-tiger.html

hahahahahahahahahahaha

I don't know why but even though I knew what thread I was on, I was expecting that to be a bizarre bestiality story

Guess who else is talking about Tiger? Ashley Dupre, aka Eliot Spitzer’s call girl "Kristen." Bizarrely, she decided to vent to the New York Post by text message: “Here you have all these girls accepting gifts, money, trips from Tiger in exchange for sex—all the while knowing he is married. And now they all can't wait to tell their stories in exchange for even more money.” She concludes, “And I was the hooker? At least I kept my mouth shut.”

She was the professional hooker. These others are amateurs.

LOL Ashley OTM

ps: ouch

The Daily Beast's Gerald Posner has learned exclusively that the beleaguered golfer is negotiating an immediate $5 million payout to his wife—and revising her prenup to give her as much as $55 million more to stay with him two more years.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-and-stories/2009-12-03/new-details-on-tigers-prenup/

"give me one more boy child and then you can go"

btw my favorite part of this story is that tiger managed to piss off jesper parnevik for all eternity. jesper parnevik!

Elin is herself considered a good asset.

glad they put that on the table

``I have lost all respect for him, primarily as a man and a father,'' Parnevik said in the Swedish newspaper Aftonbladet on Thursday from the PGA Tour qualifying tournament in West Palm Beach, Fla. ``It doesn't even feel like it matters what he has done on the golf course. My respect for him as a person is gone. We have been nice to Tiger before, but now he only has himself to blame.

oh shiiiii

2010 season is going to be full-contact

i know right! jesper is like the goofiest dude in golf which is SAYING SOMETHING

lol Ambien sex

sometimes i think very very very few people are equipped with the moral compass to not turn into a total douche when presented with endless wealth and universal fame.

yep

best part of the jesper parnevik story is that he said elin should use a driver next time

man this kinda sucks...and now parnevik is piling on? parnevik??

what a disaster for tiger woods

its personal for him. and hes danish.

PGA Tour is going to be the biggest soap opera on the planet next year, everybody's going to pick sides, it's going to spill over into tournaments -- there will be fisticuffs in the locker rooms on multiple occasions. That's my prediction, you heard it here first.

we can only wait, and hope.

Tiger once again taking people getting into golf to the next level

it creates an interesting dynamic too w/r/t tiger's rival phil mickelson b/c phil's wife was (is?) battling cancer and he's just being a bro, sticking by her, and tiger's off having ambien sex with sexy sociopaths.

All this hate for a playa playing.

if u had told me last year that by december 2009 john daly would be skinny & monogamous and tiger woods would be the tours biggest coozehound i probably would have slapped you

ambien sex wtf do you like fall asleep and have zombie sleepwalk boner sex?

tiger's statement was a bit of a joke...either admit it or don't.

x-post anyone on john daly's twitter? he's replaced booze and drugs and gambling and food with tweets

ambien sex doesn't really compute, no

theres a local ex bronco dj who went straight to calling parnevik an incredibly huge idiot for his comments, on the "dont hate the player..." thing. yknow, players know how it is, you never talk about another guys girl problem.

xpost

"tiger...are you sure you want to do this?"

"yeah...sometimes i think the only way i can feel anymore is just...to not feel anything."

*pops pills*

theres no such thing as a "player" in sweden tho

parnevik being bros with elin sort of negates that, even if i believed that rule!

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091202044731AASWipb

tiger woods got me into golf but I will never lift a club again after all this

even at an unfaithful spouse?

kinda surprised at parnevik to be honest, even if he's friends with the wife, seems kinda bad form to be speaking out on someone else's business.

btw yeah parnevik introduced them which is why he's sayin shit iirc

he feels bad cause he fucked up the life of a fellow swede

ambien sex doesn't really compute, no

― WmC, Friday, 4 December 2009 20:13 (18 minutes ago) Permalink

Ambien makes some people very horny.

damn i thought he was a dane. sorry jesper. wasnt she the nanny for his kids or something?

even if he introduced them it's still bad form to speak publicly on it. could message tiger on facebook ideally...

He could have twittered it.

he could have waited until the next tournament and then when he sees tiger he could have just walked up to him really slowly and said "hey tiger", then just after tiger walked past he could say "hang on a second tiger" and tiger is like "yes?" and then jesper just says "don't you ever fuck with my friends again....EVER." and takes out an 8 iron and then actually goes for a 7 and hits it to 5 feet beside the pin and the crowd are going fucking mental...

I like the twitter idea better. I think I saw your idea in Tin Cup or something.

lol tin cup

guarantee: in one of tiger's next tournaments, someone will yell, "cheater!" during a tee shot swing.

That's not exactly Babe Ruth calling his shot, is it now?

the answer is, parnevik shoulda did w/e ocho woulda did, had ocho been in his shoes. wwod?

i'm making this guarantee to a kid with cancer so yes

parnevik should fix the peak on his cap before criticising others

i've decided to have crazy ambien sex before I criticise T.Woods

let he who has not had crazy ambien sex cast the first stone

amen

no wait! let NOT he who has not had crazy ambien sex cast the first stone

....

I think his wife already cast the first stone.

let she who was not involved in crazy ambien sex swing the first club

lmao

The New Tiger Woods Bible

Results 1 - 10 of about 43,500 for crazy ambien sex. (0.09 seconds)

http://imgur.com/cTNjv.png

Golfball in the ear is a nice touch.

Maybe he was just sleep-driving.

I thought ambien sex was just a goofy minor plot point in Role Models.

btw we're up to TEN now

At once?

ELIN OUT

also, ten? i hope there are 50more

http://i.cdn.turner.com/si/2009/images/12/07/jaguars-mascot.jpg

Tiger Woods Admitted to Hospital as OD

Posted Dec 8th 2009 1:00AM by TMZ Staff

Tiger WoodsTiger Woods was admitted to Health Central Hospital the day after Thanksgiving as an overdose.

Sources connected with the hospital tell TMZ the admissions chart lists "OD" and that he was having trouble breathing.

We're told the fifth floor of the hospital was put on lockdown when Tiger arrived. Tiger was admitted under an alias -- William Smith. His wife, Elin Nordegren was by his side.

As we first reported, Elin gave paramedics two pill bottles at the accident scene -- we now know the prescriptions were for Ambien and Vicodin. Tiger was in and out of consciousness, snoring at the scene, and our sources say he clearly appeared to be under the influence of something -- not alcohol.

We're also told doctors used a breathing tube to assist his respiration.

We're also told hospital officials changed Tiger's alias after a few hours to another alias because they feared people would find out he was there.

Unidentified blonde woman taken out of Tiger Woods' house on a stretcher

wtf is going on

Actress: Holly Sampson, seen here in My First Sex Teacher volume 18, is reported to be another alleged mistress

they tried bless them but this was the only picture they could find

According to the Sun, there are claims that Woods had enjoyed a fling with a well-known female British television presenter.

It quoted a source as saying: 'He would hook up with her when he went to the UK. She's really sexy and very well known. A good friend of mine told me about it years ago.'
The source, said to be a sports marketing executive who had known Woods for years, added: 'Both will be hoping this one doesn't come out. It will take the scandal to a new level.'

The claim was furiously denied yesterday by the woman in question, who insisted there was no truth in what was being claimed.

Come on, who's this then?

We're also told hospital officials changed Tiger's alias after a few hours to another alias because they feared people would find out he was there

"T Woods...no that's too obvious lets call him Tiger W"

Guess stretcher woman must've heard about Kir$+y G4ll4gh3r.

Playas gotta play.

wtf she's not even blonde xp

tiger is really engaged in some serious next-level self-destruction here. like, i can't remember the last famous person to so thoroughly trash their reputation so quickly.

figures he'd be the best even at that.

LOL huge BBC joke with Andy Gallaher bringing Radio 4 report of stretcherness.

"and now back to Desert Island Discs with former Oasis frontman..."

Stretcher woman - his mother-in-law?
http://www.soderhamn.se/images/200.7d9f35391181509ed33800023611/landsh%C3%B6vding_barbro_holmberg.jpg

Come on, who's this then?

Obv. Hazel Irvine

He's not trashing his reputation quickly as much as he's suddenly being held responsible for years of playing around. Wilt Chamberlain claimed to have slept with, what, 10,000 women?

Having now been shown able to play nine holes away, he's clearly going for 18.

wtf she's not even blonde xp

― mdskltr

Suzy didn't say she was, she said the blonde girl had heard about well-known female British television presenter.

yeah i'm saying if it was KG that would be weird, because like Tiger likes blondes like

ah, right. Maybe after 143 blondes you fancy a wee change?

the speed of this is the crazy thing, though. this guy was pretty much squeaky-clean untouchable what, ten days ago?

Not all of the women in question are blondes! Also (unpalatable truth) in showbiz terms she counts as a higher-status pull compared to any number of these waitress/model/whatevers.

yeah i'm saying if it was KG that would be weird, because like Tiger likes blondes like

Some of them looked like trashy brunettes. I think as long as they have a vagina he's not very picky. xp

heh first one without a vagina will be the REAL story imo

From Wonder Years and Pump Up The Volume to MILF Bone 4.
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0760175/

"Up 6% in popularity this week. See why on IMDbPro."

Some of the comments on news sites are just horrendously sexist.
("If these sluts didn't sleep with him, he wouldn't be having these problems." WTF)

I do feel for the wife. Yes, yes, she'll always be rich (divorced or married) but going through this in the public eye? Urgh. :-(

well yeah you gotta feel for the wife. tiger seemed like the safest bet there is in terms of billionaire sports superstars.

this guy was pretty much squeaky-clean untouchable what, ten days ago?

yeah, that's what i mean too. obviously we're talking about years of behavior here, but that it should all come to light so fast, all at once, and spurred such a seemingly innocuous event at the front end. (by front end i mean the bumper of his car...)

this whole thing has reminded me that roger federer said when mika got pregnant he turned to tiger for advice on how to balance family and life on the pro sports circuit.

It's funny that this started with us all guffawing at the rolling news channels false-starting on the story. I never got the impression that anyone had an inkling that this was going to follow.

mirka, i mean. (r-fed and mika would be a whole other story.)

Not all of the women in question are blondes! Also (unpalatable truth) in showbiz terms she counts as a higher-status pull compared to any number of these waitress/model/whatevers.

that would go against the trend so far - the first woman to emerge seemed to be a fairly respectable nightclub hostess and each one since has descended a bit further down the ladder (is the porn star the latest?)

I'm a bit worried this means his wife has tried to top herself.

and it's not just the speed which is surprising, it's the speed and bizarrely regular drip-drip rate, rather than everything coming out at once - makes me think that it's been orchestrated quite heavily

the story that his wife had moved out came some hours before this blonde-on-stretcher moment, right? i mean, who even knows any more.

Maybe it takes a couple of days to track down a new mistress and offer them loads of money to sell their story?

the first woman to emerge seemed to be a fairly respectable nightclub hostess and each one since has descended a bit further down the ladder

Like I said, Hazel Irvine

makes me think that it's been orchestrated quite heavily

seems more like there's so much that's accumulated over the years that once the first crack appeared in the dam, it was impossible to hold it back. some of these women and/or their friends have probably figured this was a card they had, something they could go to the tabs with if they ever really needed cash or something, or they just have other reasons for wanting to take a swing at tiger (like, he was probably a dick to a lot of people), and now it's use-it-or-lose-it time.

Was any of it known beforehand? You see rumours of misbehaviour from other cads before it all breaks, but I'd never seen or heard a peep about Tiger.

yeah there was a gq profile that talked about tiger as a coozehound iirc

more likely again that no tabloid/news source really wanted to be the first to break the story? real double edged sword, given his popularity (or maybe the business interests in keeping him squeaky clean). the crash was just the conduit needed.

its worth remembering that the rachel uchitel thing broke a week before tiger crashed the car

not over here, or at least i hadn't heard a whisper of it- but then that's maybe my point- that the rumours were there but no mainstream media were running with it.

there's the allegation that the enquirer had stuff on him two years ago but killed it in exchange for a mens fitness cover story.

http://munfitnessblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/tiger-woods-cover-page-of-mens-fitness.JPG

Tiger! His Surprising Workout

That's one fitness regime I wouldn't object to

He looks naughty in that cover photo. We should have guessed.

How He Got BIG. Too much information there.

20 COOL GETAWAYS

He has a weird Aphex Twin-ish grin on that cover.

IIIIIIII WANT YOUR HOLE

Come to caddy?

Ned sinks the three-inch put.

not over here, or at least i hadn't heard a whisper of it- but then that's maybe my point- that the rumours were there but no mainstream media were running with it.

― Louis Cll (darraghmac), Tuesday, December 8, 2009 9:26 AM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

it was in the natl enquirer which is a super tabloid-y tabloid that a lot of people ignore (despite being the pub that broke the john edwards affair!)--tiger and his team were handling it beautifully as always, basically denying it, ignoring it, and i suspect threatening anyone more respectable who thought about picking it up. plus they had a willing partner in uchitel who even after the crash denied everything. it seems clear at this point tho that the natl enq article hit close enough to home for nordgren that thanksgiving weekend became a battleground for the two of them.

my guess would be that most of the women were convinced, monetarily or otherwise, that staying silent was in their and tigers best interests--and then once it came out, the girls realized a) there was no reason to be silent anymore and b) they could make some cash out of this if they were fast.

and possibly c) each maybe thought she was the only woman in tigers life and learning that she wasnt turned on him?

Seriously, someone needs to photoshop his face from this:

http://munfitnessblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/tiger-woods-cover-page-of-mens-fitness.JPG

on to this picture:

http://www.barriomulas.com/2008/07/20/Aphex%20Twin%20-%20Come%20To%20Daddy-1.jpg

the story that his wife had moved out came some hours before this blonde-on-stretcher moment, right? i mean, who even knows any more.

Yes, but only down the road. Her mother has come over from Sweden to see and it's her who collapsed (or it's just a random middle-aged blonde woman being followed to the hospital by a younger blonde woman in a black car somewhat similar to the one Tiger was driving that time). It's now being reported that the woman (whoever she might be) is out of hospital, incidentally.

Selected Ambulance Works vol 2

surprised you didn't go with Selected Ambien Works there

Oh I missed that shot!

Just occurred to me that 'golf clap' has a sudden new connotation.

http://i.a.cnn.net/si/2006/golf/04/13/tiger.comments/p1_tigerputt.jpg

BOOTAY

tiger woods car crash sex photos princess di online gambling wow gold

wow gold always makes me laugh cos it sounds like

WOW!!!!! Gold!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.tmz.com/media/2009/12/1208_stretcher_barbo_bn_01.jpg

Tiger Woods' mother-in-law is the woman who was taken to the hospital after the 911 call.

Officials from Health Central Hospital confirm Barbro Holmberg, Elin Nordegren's mom, was rushed to the hospital from Tiger Woods' home early this morning after complaining of stomach pains.

She is still in the hospital and listed in stable condition.

Can't wait for the Lifetime Original Movie so we can get Christine Baranski some quality work.

I can only imagine the look on Tiger's face when the mom-in-law started holding her stomach.

"Honey, there's another woman I forgot to mention..."

IVE BEEN DOING YOUR MOM HONEY

This is so going to be a Law & Order episode.

Cutter will find some creative way to charge Tiger with MURDER when the mother in law drops dead of a heart attack.

third act twist--elin nordegrin stand-in (played by january jones) WAS IN ON IT THE WHOLE TIME

this is all too weird - has tw got an autobiography coming out soon or something?

elin nordegrin secret porn career

go on...

played by january jones!

ok i'm in. talk to finance on the way out, i'll arrange for a blank cheque to be printed.

$_$

January Jones as a pr0n star

......

$$$$$$$

Law & Order would love the prostitution aspect of this story as well:

http://deadspin.com/5416948/chaos-in-tigerland-a-deadspin-investigation-into-the-expensive-sexual-habits-of-pro-athletes

special vixens unit

I was wrong. It turns out Tiger Woods is facsinating.

John Daly's lost his crown

ty am0n!

i'm still loving this rick reilly link that's been on espn's front page for the past few days:

RICK REILLY

Tiger Will Be Better Man

His flaws exposed for all to see, Tiger Woods can emerge a better person.

now that tiger is going through this adversity, he'll know how to cover his tracks better.

rick reilly is just about the biggest fucking idiot in the world.

rick reilly is so terrible

mistresses of rich dudes get hella pissed and vindictive when they find out there are other "other women" and they go into total destruct mode w/their former fling

http://deadspin.com/5416948/chaos-in-tigerland-a-deadspin-investigation-into-the-expensive-sexual-habits-of-pro-athletes

― ô_o (Nicole), Tuesday, December 8, 2009 12:14 PM (29 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

recommended^

"I thought I was the only girl you were cheating with! WAAAAAAAH!" apologizing in advance to my fellow feminists for calling these women out as dumb spunkbuckets.

the plot sickens

http://www.tmz.com/2009/12/08/tiger-woods-mother-in-laws-911-elin-nordegren-barbro-holmberg/

wait, tiger woods's mom in law is the dead horse Barbaro?

man tmzs coverage of this is quite uh detailed - theyre now reporting

Tiger Woods' wife, Elin Nordegren, just returned to the family home in Windermere, Florida, along with her twin sister, Josefin.

http://www.tmz.com/2009/12/08/tiger-woods-wife-elin-nordegren-barbro-holmberg-food-poisoning/

Tiger leaps off boat.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/media/images/44439000/jpg/_44439095_tiger_leap.jpg

From TMZ comments:

14. welll i didnt have sex with tiger because im already dead..thank you thank you thank you very much

Posted at 2:33PM on Dec 8th 2009 by elvis

Breaking News: Gatorade Discontinues Tiger Woods Drink

The avalanche continues

Advertisements featuring Tiger Woods have disappeared from prime-time broadcast television and many cable channels following reports of his extramarital affairs, according to data from Nielsen Co.

The last prime-time ad featuring the 33-year-old golfer was a 30-second Gillette Co. spot on Nov. 29, according to New York- based Nielsen. Woods also was absent from ads on a number of weekend sports programs, including NFL games, Nielsen said.

“Last weekend there wasn’t any advertisement during those games,” said Aaron Lewis, a spokesman at Nielsen.

The No. 1 ranked golfer’s standing with the public has plunged in the wake of reports of infidelity that followed a Nov. 27 car accident outside his home near Orlando, Florida. Woods’s ranking among celebrity endorsers tumbled to 24th from 6th, according to the Davie Brown Index, which is used to gauge the ability of personalities to influence shoppers.

Woods has endorsement agreements with Accenture Plc, Nike Inc., PepsiCo Inc.’s Gatorade, Tag Heuer International SA watches, Electronic Arts Inc. and Procter & Gamble Co.’s Gillette. Neither Mark Steinberg, Woods’s agent, nor Glenn Greenspan, a spokesman, responded to phone messages or e-mails seeking comment.

The golfer’s $110 million in annual income from endorsements and tournaments, as estimated by Forbes magazine, hinges on his standing with consumers. Woods ranked as the world’s fourth-highest paid celebrity in the 12 months through June 30, the magazine said. In October, he became the first athlete to top $1 billion in career earnings.

Porn star Joslyn James brings the number of women linked to Tiger Woods to 11 (warning Fox News link)

now thats 2 fake titied porn bitches smh

http://www.blogcdn.com/www.tmz.com/media/2009/12/1208_cori_rist.jpg

mistresses of rich dudes get hella pissed and vindictive when they find out there are other "other women" and they go into total destruct mode w/their former fling

1.) Rachel Uchitel. The club hostess

2.) Jamie Grubbs. The 24-year-old reality show contestant

3.) Kalika Moquin. The 27-year-old club manager from Las Vegas
4.) Cori Rist. The 31-year-old swimsuit model

5.) Jamie Jungers. The 26-year-old former employee of Trashy Girls Lingerie.

6.) Mindy Lawton. The 33-year-old pancake house waitress

7.) Holly Sampson. The 36-year-old former porn star

8.) Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 8. A former cocktail waitress

9.) Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 9 is reported to be a “sexy” British TV presenter

10.) Unidentified Alleged Mistress No. 10. is a “sex-addicted cougar.”

11.) Joslyn James. The star of many, many porn videos

Geeze, and here we were all lead to believe that being a billionaire athlete lead to bedding fancy-schmanzy gals -- but no.

lead/led - same thing

So far Moquin and Jungers are the only ones even remotely as attractive as his wife.

Sorry, none of them are as attractive as his wife imo

His wife's okay-looking, but whatevs.

― Johnny Fever, Friday, November 27, 2009 11:43 PM (1 week ago)

this thread's title really isn't accurate anymore, can we get a mod to change it to "Tiger Woods trainwreck"?

Sorry, none of them are as attractive as his wife imo

― Astronaut Mike Dexter (Jimmy The Mod Awaits The Return Of His Beloved), Tuesday, December 8, 2009 11:48 PM (Yesterday)

been doin ur research eh

im still gonna root for tiger but this is weird as hell

srs question time: how long until the inevitable sex tape?

there are pix of his junk out there if you care to seek that out.

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2471334/naked_tiger_woods_pictures_next.html?cat=9

what i'm taking away from all this is that apparently a hugely famous rich married guy can really run through a lot of hos for a long time before any of it's made public, but once one is common knowledge they all stand to be counted

^^^solid analysis

basically how i break it down to an extent

his career trajectory no longer seems at all mysterious

He's always seemed like a dick only interested in money, but seriously good luck from here on out bro. On the other hand I'm sure he'll come out of this just fine.

I can't see a lots going to change. He's got a ton of money, he can still play golf, and now he'll be rid of that pesky ball and chain of a wife and kids and he can get back to fucking without having to worry about it getting back to them. It's a WIN WIN situation.

silicon, ambien and sweet par fives forever (ever...ever...ever...ever...)

Mindy Lawton. The 33-year-old pancake house waitress

Inspired by Sideways.

More good news, this book...
http://i.telegraph.co.uk/telegraph/multimedia/archive/01539/book_1539951c.jpg
...seen in his car has gone up in value. Anyone want my copy (VG+ with slight reading crease) for £40?

What Ned said. Although I think the PR guys are gonna BEG them to stay married.

He's always seemed like a dick only interested in money, but seriously good luck from here on out bro.

And this.

I don't think he's ever said word one about money -- his motivation has been major championships and breaking Nicklaus' and other's records.

Yeah but when you're valued at $1 billion or whatever did you ever NEED to say a word about money?

List above omits this piece of info from Fox:

7.) Holly Sampson. The 36-year-old former porn star, who has starred in such films as "OMG, Stop Tickling Me..."

He's always seemed like a dick only interested in money, but seriously good luck from here on out bro.

i have a feeling his luck with money is still going to be about 89482x better than mine, so sucks to be him seriously this is a crisis

"He's always seemed like a dick only interested in money...."

No, I echo the guy above. He wants to beat Nicklaus' record. That's all he cares about. The cash and the chicks are just gravy. He doesnt even give a shit about the Ryder Cup.

Yeah, I can imagine bigger crises than having a lot of girlfriends. I mean, is there some booty ban at golf tournaments? If he gets divorced, it'll be just like any/every other celebrity divorce: he'll look stupid, lose a lot of money, then take a refreshing swim in the pool he keeps filled with gold krugerrands (Billy Joel has one too, I hear). Then he'll play a lot more golf and continue to win a lot.

and he can legitimately be a playah in the open (as well as being a player in the Open) rather than having to maintain any of this troublesome clean cut image

as has already been stated, he's gonna bring golf to another level again because of this. single playa tiger beefin the swedes in '10

maybe, but it's hard to be the face of Accenture when you're a punchline

single playa tiger beefin the swedes in '10

EA Sports have gone downhill...

I'd assumed that being Mr Corporate Billion-Dollar-Man and World's Greatest Sportsman was a full-full-time pursuit - it's quite annoying to find out he had all this spare time too.

Yeah, but some people play golf in their spare time.

Did you hear about the survey of 1,000 blondes who were asked if they would sleep with Tiger Woods? 85% said 'never again'.

The stupidest thing you will ever read. (Warning: Bill Plaschke content.)

Sorry Ned, that doesn't even come close, and I usually have zero tolerance for Plaschke.

Not even this?

It has continued throughout the year into December, a month that has devolved into a national search for the one woman who has not claimed to have had sex with Tiger Woods.

Surely she's out there somewhere, feeling embarrassed and alone.

i wonder, considering how concerned tiger wood has always seemed to be about his image (kinda reminds me of a-rod in that regard) if the total breakdown of that image will affect his game. not to mention golf being a sport that requires total silence, concentration, and maybe more than others can totally be derailed by even the most infinitesimal case of the yips.

kind of lol but mostly sad

eh, sportswriters and their hyperbole, whaddaya gonna do

xpost

omar, that's the big question for me too. can't wait for the first "giggity giggity" hollers from behind the ropes

lot of dudes in the crowd gonna start wearing blonde wings to throw him off game

lol if you think the fratboys/rich doctors who also cheat on their wives that comprise golf tournament crowds are gonna turn on him you're nuts

xp

http://www.latimes.com/media/thumbnails/columnist/2008-12/260175-19091427.jpghttp://www.latimes.com/media/thumbnails/columnist/2008-12/260175-19091427.jpghttp://www.latimes.com/media/thumbnails/columnist/2008-12/260175-19091427.jpghttp://www.latimes.com/media/thumbnails/columnist/2008-12/260175-19091427.jpghttp://www.latimes.com/media/thumbnails/columnist/2008-12/260175-19091427.jpg

Between those epic dunks on Wade and Woods

lol if you think the fratboys/rich doctors who also cheat on their wives that comprise golf tournament crowds are gonna turn on him you're nuts

lol if you think those fratboy types who scream YOU DA MAN!!! and GET IN THE HOLE!!!!! are going to restrain themselves after a few beers from the courtesy tents you're nuts

seriously

"success is the best deodorant"

Someone I know was pretty otm when he said that this is like Marv Albert, he'll be sent away for a while and then when everybody forgets what he did, or is just sick of talking/joking about it, he'll be inserted back in the spotlight like it never happened. How long was Marv gone, anyway?

From Marv's wikipedia page:

After DNA tests proved that the bite marks were his, he pleaded guilty to misdemeanor assault and battery charges, while the sodomy charge was dropped.[7][8] Albert was given a 12-month suspended sentence and ordered to only announce play-by-play for the Los Angeles Clippers.

Oh, wikipedia!

Pretty sure that many, many dudes will like him WAY MORE because of these "transgressions".

this isn't like marv albert because marv albert is a popular announcer about whom no one really cares too deeply about, they just think he calls a good b-ball game. tiger woods is the world's most popular athlete, probably, and has built this rep on being this clean-living family-friendly incredibly successful dude who has a solid home life (with someone who happens to be a swedish model.) there were some gray areas w/marv, too, at least in terms of how it all went down in the end. this is like 11 (and counting) women coming out of the woodwork, and it can't even be passed off like "oh i made a horrible mistake this one time" like kobe's incident, because tiger was apparently being uber-cautious and very sly.

I'm just waiting to see which one of the girls from Jersey Shore he has had an affair with.

pretty clear here tiger is not doing well - poppin pills n smashin nast ass porn ladies has got to speak to some sort of icky malaise

ive always been of two mind abt him - hes got some off putting triumphalist tendencies (fist pumps, corporate opaqueness) - and some that hint at depth behind the tiger glaze (thoughtful demeanor, intelligence)

so i dunno i hope he ends up in a better place than where all of this started

i think that would mean dude would have to rejoin society and stop traveling from isolated bubble to isolated bubble but i really don't see that happening

Another thing is that his dad died recently, and his on-course demeanor has been subject of a lot of "that's not sportsmanlike!" articles in the last year or so.

eh obvs its a completely insane life but people have made stranger situations work

i'm not sure if that extreme level of fame will leave you a normal decent person in the end. it seems like over time someone exposed to that is going to kinda lose their mind and those who don't seem to be like that, able to kinda maintain their composure and decency in the face of being able to do anything they want and probably get away with it, are exceptions. i'm trying to think of someone who has been at that level and seems relatively normal (clooney?)

but are any of us relatively normal...

xxxpost -- yeah, people are getting less tolerant of his foul mouth. New PGA Tour drinking game: drain your glass everytime Dan Hicks, Jim Nantz et al say "we'd like to apologize to our viewers for what you heard just before we went to commercial..."

i mean if all i did was shuttle between my gated community, my private jet, my hotel suite, my closed off area of a restaurant, and whatever golf course i was playing i'd prob do some fucked up stuff out of sheer boredom

^^^^^^

otm x10000

yeah obvs hes got to have something thats not that - some guys stay grounded by family/religion - seems like becoming super involved in helping people could pop the bubble

gear otm it's just a matter of time 'til the police dogs find the bodies

also: big difference between "this makes him more AWESOME LOL" and "this makes him a more effective global corporate representative"

I mean...

http://www.bozell.com/insights/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/tiger-wood-accenture-ad1.gif

100% unretouched this stuff just writes itself.

i think tiger's best bet is to embrace his newfound villainy a la hulk hogan.

but his entire success has been made and marketed upon his supposed likability and decency, so i think he's kinda toast and the pga is gonna turn to mickelson or someone similar to be their new posterboy from this point forward.

ive always been of two mind abt him - hes got some off putting triumphalist tendencies (fist pumps, corporate opaqueness) - and some that hint at depth behind the tiger glaze (thoughtful demeanor, intelligence)

it's the thoughtfulness and intelligence that take the biggest hit here, at least imo. he was always a corporate whore, but seemed like a sort of smart, possibly interesting corporate whore. when you read his text messages or hear the voice mails or whatever, he seems like Sleazy McDimbulb.

i'm trying to think of someone who has been at that level and seems relatively normal (clooney?)

i don't know about "normal," but clooney's at least candid about the reasons he likes his privacy and would never, say, run for political office. in that new yorker profile the other year he said something like, there's been too many girls and too many drugs.

letterman zinging him last night was a little O RLY

but, y'know... get choppin'

http://rawstylus.files.wordpress.com/2008/02/tiger.jpg

i think tiger's best bet is to embrace his newfound villainy a la hulk hogan.

― omar little, Wednesday, December 9, 2009 1:35 PM

I'd love to see him morph into an evil emo version of himself a la Tobey Maguire in Spiderman 3.

high performers are as adept at recovering from setbacks as they are at... oh... oh... oops.

i don't know about "normal," but clooney's at least candid about the reasons he likes his privacy and would never, say, run for political office. in that new yorker profile the other year he said something like, there's been too many girls and too many drugs.

― hellzapoppa (tipsy mothra)

clooney wouldn't run for office because he's a closet
-case according to several rumours i've heard.

At a time when it's tougher than ever to be a Tiger, it's even more crucial to know what it takes. Talk to us to see how we can help.

>
accenture

LMAO

who's gong to be first to chop the top of a blonde head into that first one. sadly, i'm at work now.

and yeah every single word of that copy reads like double-entendre now

so: tiger's got problems

when i see a guy like tiger, he doesn't really seem to be loose or friendly or at ease, he seems to always be performing or playing the character he's built up over the years, which is the character of this driven athlete, loyal family man, moral guy, 100% tabula rasa for everyone. he doesn't act like a real person a lot of the time, a lot of his mannerisms seem a little fake. you can see the strings being pulled.

"but his entire success has been made and marketed upon his supposed likability and decency"

I disagree. Its been about kicking the shit out of everybody else on the PGA Tour with a total assassin's mentality. None of his marketing has been based on any type of cuddly family type shit.

I think that's typical of superfamous people though and especially true of pro athletes, when you consider the amount of endorsement money attached to them - they get into the habit of repeating certain mantras and statements, and acting in ways that reinforce their own image.

get this feeling with roger federer too (to name one person who spouts a whole lotta feel-good bullshit to please his audience and sponsors, but also seems like a relatively decent and normal guy at the same time.). xp

if he wasn't likable (to some) or considered decent, it wouldn't work. i mean obviously his dominance plays into it too.

my dead great-grandmother, a passionate golf fan, HATED black people, and she LOVED tiger woods for being so "polite" and "respectful" or whatever

she would not be pleased with recent revelations of his infidelities--on the other hand she had four husbands so

she sounds like a blast

this is one of those stories where i feel mad that i am even forming an opinion. tiger woods infidelity, please break up.

she was a pioneering female pilot, too

xp

tell me she smoked and/or drank scotch and the picture will be complete

http://codytaylor.org/images/funny/grandma-wasted.jpg

she was a drinker but not as much when i knew her. she sure did love tiger woods though.

xp yikes! friend of yrs, ned?

wkiw

It's amazing what you can find when you GIS "boozing grandma"

Omar: OTM about this being a bit bigger than Marv, now that I think about it for more than five seconds.

The Hulk Hogan remark is funny because earlier today I was thinking about what a damn shame it is that it's only in pro wrestling that you can -- or need to -- fake a serious injury, get caught in public scandal, or have a "loser must retire match" before you take time off work.

Every job should require you to put somebody else over and have yourself be shamefully humiliated or injured before you take four months off for vacation/personality makeover

xpost

For some reason, I find Rick Reilly's latest column more obnoxious than the Plaschke one Ned linked to.

he was on sportscenter with that same shit yesterday. i hate him.

noxious shit

It's one thing to sit back, assess the damage and say "daaaaaamn, fella" and it's another thing entirely to be all metaphorically up in Tiger's face, close enough for him to know what you ate for lunch, poking him in the chest and saying "let me just tell you what you need to do to fix this."

Third, he needs to clean house. If he wants to keep his wife, he has to get a new agent, a new caddie and some new friends. It's hard to believe all this went on without their help or knowledge. How can she see them as anything but enablers?

^^^ugh

http://img46.imageshack.us/img46/8997/tigeraccenturecorrected.jpg

Third, he needs to clean house. If he wants to keep his wife, he has to get a new agent, a new caddie and some new friends. It's hard to believe all this went on without their help or knowledge. How can she see them as anything but enablers?

^^^ugh

But okay but isn't that actually...correct?

i suppose, if you actually perceive her as "my wife who is more important to me than anything" vs. "an employee in good standing of woodsco intl., llp who's having trouble seeing the bigger picture here"

i dunno, i feel like this kind of bro-to-bro cold hard reality type advice that is like, "do this and you can keep her and emerge a better person" after this dude showed he clearly doesn't want to is weird.

xpost (where "you" = Eldrick Tont "Tiger" Woods)

This would not be the first time in human history that two people got a divorce.

xxp it's totally naive is what it is

like the advice i would give would be, "dude, look, you don't want her as a wife and you don't care about her and if you did, you wouldn't be doing this kind of shit because it's not just a single drunken fling, it's a pattern and for her sake as well as yours just end it."

like the advice i would give would be, "dude, look, you don't want her as a wife and you don't care about her and if you did, you wouldn't be doing this kind of shit because it's not just a single drunken fling, it's a pattern and for her sake as well as yours just end it."

Yes.

Also, "avoid Jesper Parnevik"

Ach, I'm not following anything about the story except what appears on ILX -- so basically the official T Woods position on this is that if she wants to stay around, she has to understand how things iz? If that's the case, then yeah, I guess, don't bother.

xxp ahh okay, that's sensible.

not the Official Position, but the one his behavior seems to pretty clearly indicate since he hasn't exactly been hiking to Argentina with his soul mate

But okay but isn't that actually...correct?

― WHY DON'T YOU JUST LICK THE BUS DIRECTLY (Laurel), Wednesday, December 9, 2009 4:53 PM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

how the hell does the guy's caddie deserve to get fired over this?

The Reilly and Plaschke articles are terrible, even judging them by the standard that these two horrendous sportswriters should be judged. Reilly really thinks that after this guy slept with 13 women that he and his wife should still try to stay together? Its time to move on, take the hit to your checkbook and let her get on with her life.

But okay but isn't that actually...correct?

― WHY DON'T YOU JUST LICK THE BUS DIRECTLY (Laurel), Wednesday, December 9, 2009 4:53 PM (14 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

how the hell does the guy's caddie deserve to get fired over this?

― some dude, Wednesday, December 9, 2009 5:09 PM (47 seconds ago)

because tiger woods cheated on his wife, and he didn't tell anyone. now he must lose his job, you see

lol i was reading some esquire thing where his caddie was referred to as the "worst new zealander in history"

Yeah, the caddie's not there to babysit him, he's there to read the downhill left to right putt on the 17th at Augusta on Sunday with his boss up by one. Reilly's a dumbass. Last I checked, Tiger's 33 years old. xx post

hasn't exactly been hiking to Argentina with his soul mate

haha

Oh god I don't know who exactly was involved in the hush-up. But I mean IF I were the wife I'd be seeing things in that light. Except yeah I guess that's giving the idea of saving the marriage way too much weight -- the later posts are OTM.

Frankly, firing the caddy's the most offensive thing about this whole affair that I've heard so far.

btw tiger's inner circle is v. small--his agent, his nike rep, his caddie the worst new zealander, a couple old friends from college. so yeah, IF he wanted to repair his relationship these ppl could all reasonably be seen as enablers.

rip steve williams :(

not so m. white that guy does actually suck

Does he? I wouldn't know.

xp yes how bout he estranges all of his close friends so he can stay with his wife that he cheated on repeatedly

Likelihood of rich playboy no longer hanging out with his rich playboy friends in order to appease his trophy wife ...

wait is it thirteen now???

"enablers" makes it sound like he's a drug addict and everyone he works with was giving him a fix to keep him going. he was just a serial cheater, should they have been flinging Promise Keepers pamphlets at him every time his eye wandered?

He has a long way to go before he catches up with Wilt.

from what i hear a couple of his pals were helping to set up each rendezvous ahead of time or provide a cover story for his wife.

setting up his shots, so to speak

That sportswriter is a doosh, but you could see this as Tiger's chance to make possibly the first truthful decision about his marriage yet -- and IF he wanted to get his marriage back, yeah, heads would have to roll just in the interests of trustworthiness and also as a show of his willingness to stop doing bad shit.

That article about the "event organizers" def emphasized the "stables of ponies to fuck" and drugs too -- I feel like that's more than a little light cheating a la a salesman in a hotel bar, out of town?

tbh anybro who lets his friend cheat on his wife with 13 chicks without saying anything is not really a bro worth having

The guy's a great caddie, Tiger's won all majors but one with Williams holding his bag.

laurel and max otm.

btw it is 13 we know about--how many do we not know about

Holding and taking great care of his bag.

5

tip of the iceberg imo

tbh anybro who lets his friend cheat on his wife with 13 chicks without saying anything is not really a bro worth having

― max, Wednesday, December 9, 2009 5:19 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Hes no bro, he's an employee hired to maximize his employer's abilities on the golf course. Period.

sometimes employers and employees can be friends bill

this caddie is no bro (rips off visor)

bill i don't suppose u read the post where i explained that tiger has an exceedingly small inner circle

Hes no bro, he's an employee hired to maximize his employer's abilities on the golf course. Period.

― Bill Magill, Wednesday, December 9, 2009 5:22 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i wasnt even talking about his caddie, the worst human being ever to be from new zealand, but instead about his bros

The caddy is a red herring anyway. Tiger is close friends with Charles Barkley and Michael Jordan! Two complete sleazeballs!

I agree with you then.
xpost

tbh anybro who lets his friend cheat on his wife with 13 chicks without saying anything is not really a bro worth having

Money and fame change everything. That is just sanctimony dressed up.

i don't think those stmts contradict?

After looking at the list of Tiger's mistresses, I think the first thing I'd do if I happened to be Tiger's wife is get tested for VD.

Money and fame change everything. That is just sanctimony dressed up.

what do u mean

the thing is...plenty of famous beloved guys are sleazy womanizers, if they're open about it. his mistake was trying to be the wholesome all-American role model if his heart wasn't in it and he'd rather just be a rich playboy (which, I guess he wouldn't be AS big a deal if that had been his image all along, but he'd still be a hugely successful athlete). the only part that makes him a scumbag to me instead of just a dumbass is that he brought a couple children in the world with this woman he apparently didn't give much of a shit about.

yeah pretty much

yes true and i'm guessing (maybe) from her supposed reaction they might have not had an "understanding"

I don't remember him saying "I am a wholesome family man" to anyone.

yeah that's the other thing is lots of athletes wives are well aware of their husbands activities....

ship otm

xxp if you watch golf you know that's what his image is

After looking at the list of Tiger's mistresses, I think the first thing I'd do if I happened to be Tiger's wife is get tested for VD.

Thats assuming he was even still having sex with his wife, which considering...

poly do u disagree that an image of him as an int'l slut of epic proportions is not consistent with his media presentation?

BTW, do we know for sure all of these women putting their hands up and saying "oh hai, me too" are actually telling the truth and not just trying to score some fame points?

Williams hasn't actually been fired, right? That's just Reilly's stoopid advice?

I saw this at ESPN -- "Edwards' advice" -- and was all OMGWTF, how did they get John or Elizabeth to comment on this?! But it turns out it was Herm Edwards. Good bait & switch!

no he hasnt

his mistake was trying to be the wholesome all-American role model if his heart wasn't in it and he'd rather just be a rich playboy

OTM. Given the way he portrayed himself, it's much harder now for him to pivot toward a less pious celebrity aura.

He could do it, though. It would be like he's a good-guy pro-wrestler that all-of-a-sudden becomes an evil bad-guy.

WHERE IS TONY DUNGY

what was herm edwards' advice?

I'd certainly hit up Herm for some advice on this if I were Woods. As long as the question is not about 4th quarter clock management, I think Herm's your man.

maybe thought like a politician w/r/t his career, like "well in order to win over the public i have to act like a perfect family man, get a wife, have kids, etc"

what was herm edwards' advice?

― k3vin k., Wednesday, December 9, 2009 4:37 PM (3 minutes ago)

No idea, as soon as I saw the word "Herm" I bailed.

maybe thought like a politician w/r/t his career, like "well in order to win over the public i have to act like a perfect family man, get a wife, have kids, etc"

I wouldn't be surprised. Look at max's grandma as described upthread.

great-grandma--my regular grandma is not racist

by which i mean, less racist

by which i mean, does not actively hate people of color

It would be like he's a good-guy pro-wrestler that all-of-a-sudden becomes an evil bad-guy.

haha third or fourth time somebody has come up with this analogy.

xpost - like Herm Edwards knows anything about being loyal

http://www.beloblog.com/ProJo_Blogs/PatsBlog/archives/pennington0909.jpg

RIP CHAD PENNINGTON'S ARM #10

Sorry, max, I just meant that his image won him a lot of acclaim from people not usually predisposed to miscegenated people of color.

actually i guess he's only been married for like 5 years huh. so he was almost 30 and had been famous for almost a decade by then, surely he knew enough about himself at that point to maybe have an inkling that monogamy wasn't his bag? i never heard about him dating anyone or being regarded as an eligible bachelor before that, surely he was banging waitresses and shit before he got married too?

http://gawker.com/5422708/tiger-woods-sex+spank-animator-is-free+speech-hero-for-the-21st-century

this video

RIP CHAD PENNINGTON'S ARM #10

Yes I agree, but how 'bout a little cheer for Chad Henne! He's pretty good! And -- so far -- no philandering!

oh man...the tender shared shower scene in that

xpost

i assume many dudes who cheat, even at this volume, also desire to have a wife and family.

i think that comes from dudes who really truly give in to the belief that this is just how men are, and sure hey they love their wives but sometimes you just gotta yknow get a little something on the side, it doesn't mean they don't love their wives any less. (though it kinda does)