Blender has a "worst songs of all time" list

'Blender' Names 50 Worst Songs
Associated Press

According to Blender Magazine, "Don't Worry, Be Happy," and "Dancing on the Ceiling," may have been catchy tunes and big hits, but they still stink.

The music magazine is publishing its list of the 50 worst songs in its May issue. The songs were selected for "crap-tastic melodies," were poorly performed, or just didn't make any sense to the folks at the magazine.

Starship's "We Built This City," from 1985 topped the list.

"The truly horrible sound of a band taking the corporate dollar while sneering at those who take the corporate dollar," the magazine said of the tune.

Billy Ray Cyrus' "Achy Breaky Heart" was second, followed by Wang Chung's "Everybody Have Fun Tonight." "If this song was a party, you'd lock yourself in a bathroom and cry," quipped Blender.

Rounding out the top ten worst songs ever are Huey Lewis and the News with "The Heart of Rock and Roll," "Don't Worry, Be Happy," by Bobby McFerrin, Eddie Murphy's "Party All the Time," "American Life," by Madonna and "Ebony and Ivory," the duet by Stevie Wonder and Paul McCartney.

The post-Sept. 11 anthem "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue," by Toby Keith was Number 22. The magazine says Keith's song was "so vengeful, it makes 'The Star-Spangled Banner' sound like 'Give Peace a Chance.'"

Even The Beatles made the list with "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da," which the magazine said sounded like "the desperately chirpy songs Cockneys used to sing to keep their spirits up while the Luftwaffe rained death on them during the Blitz."

(you won't hear any complaints about from me about the Starship though)

"Don't Worry, Be Happy" - Cute toon, but gets irritating if you have to hear it every 10 minutes.
"Dancing on the Ceiling" - Can't remember this song. It's that forgettable.
"We Built This City" - I agree that this is the absolute worst. I've already vivisected this song in another thread.
"Achy Breaky Heart" - and to think Billy Ray made a few songs that are actually worse.
"Everybody Have Fun Tonight." - I don't see anything wrong with this song. And the video was great, too. It gave Beavis a seizure. And that only makes me love it more.
"The Heart of Rock and Roll" - I like this song. Not sure why...but I do. In fact...I declare that there ain't nothin' wrong with this song!
Whichever Blender staffer dissed this song is a tone deaf fule without a soul.
"Party All the Time" - It's catchy but repetitive. Eddie Murphy may not have a great singing voice...but at least he's slightly better than William Hung.
"American Life" - Proof that Madonna hasn't made a good song since "Frozen"
"Ebony and Ivory" - A fine song. Stevie Wonder does a wonderful job of humanizing Paul McCartney (and preventing him from sucking).
"Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue" - To Toby Keith all I can say is "Get a Brain, Moran!"
"Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" - I hate this song to the absolute utter core of my being. I think only "We Built this City" makes me iller.

One dumb thing about this list is Blender talks shit about the lyrics of "We Built This City," about how Starship themselves weren't living up to the ideals of the song or whatever.

I wonder what ever happened to that kid.

The worst song of alltime is "The Joy Of Cola," obviously.

I sound all Alex in NYC all of a sudden.e

Right Said Fred - "Too Sexy"
Gerardo - "Rico Suave"
Ricky Martin - "She Bangs"
Bette Midler - "From a Distance"
Billy Joel - "We Didn't Start the Fire"
Celine Dion - "My Heart Will Go On"
Rembrandts - "I'll Be There For You"
Crash Test Dummies "Mmm Mmmmm"

and with that madonna ruined rap forever.

That Crash Test Dummies song is cool! God, I hate Blender.

The Crash Test Dummies song is entirely inoffensive.

I only disagree with "Too sexy" and slightly with "Rico Suave", not because I don't think it's bad but because its one of this songs that's meant to be bad and meaningless and that makes it funny at least.

How could we have forgotten abot the disgustingly infuriating rubbish "I'll be there for you".

x-post

Now I find out it's some shitty newspaper named after the robot from Futurama and they couldn't even get the spelling right.

He still acts occassionally, I think.

1. We Built This City Starship ... 1985
2. Achy Breaky Heart Billy Ray Cyrus ... 1992
3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight Wang Chung ... 1986
4. Rollin' Limp Bizkit ... 2000
5. Ice Ice Baby Vanilla Ice ... 1990
6. The Heart of Rock & Roll Huey Lewis and the News ... 1984
7. Don't Worry, Be Happy Bobby McFerrin ... 1988
8. Party All the Time Eddie Murphy ... 1985
9. American Life Madonna ... 2003
10. Ebony and Ivory Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder ... 1982
11. Invisible Clay Aiken ... 2003
12. Kokomo The Beach Boys ... 1988
13. Illegal Alien Genesis ... 1983
14. From a Distance Bette Midler ... 1990
15. I'll Be There for You The Rembrandts ... 1995
16. What's Up? 4 Non Blondes ... 1993
17. Pumps and a Bump Hammer ... 1994
18. You're The Inspiration Chicago ... 1984
19. Broken Wings Mr. Mister ... 1985
20. Dancing on the Ceiling Lionel Richie ... 1986
21. Two Princes Spin Doctors ... 1992
22. Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American) Toby Keith ... 2002
23. Sunglasses at Night Corey Hart ... 1984
24. Five for Fighting Superman ... 2000
25. I'll Be Missing You Puff Daddy featuring Faith Evans and 112 ... 1997
26. The End The Doors ... 1967
27. The Final Countdown Europe ... 1987
28. Your Body Is a Wonderland John Mayer ... 2001
29. Breakfast at Tiffany's Deep Blue Something ... 1995
30. Greatest Love of All Whitney Houston ... 1986
31. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Crash Test Dummies ... 1994
32. Will 2K Will Smith ... 1999
33. Barbie Girl Aqua ... 1997
34. Longer Dan Fogelberg ... 1979
35. Shiny Happy People R.E.M. ... 1991
36. Make Em Say Uhh! Master P featuring Silkk, Fiend, Mia-X and Mystikal ... 1998
37. Rico Suave Gerardo ... 1991
38. Cotton Eyed Joe Rednex ... 1995
39. She Bangs Ricky Martin ... 2000
40. I Wanna Sex You Up Color Me Badd ... 1991
41. We Didn't Start the Fire Billy Joel ... 1989
42. The Sounds of Silence Simon & Garfunkel ... 1965
43. Follow Me Uncle Kracker ... 2000
44. I'll Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) Meat Loaf ... 1993
45. Mesmerize Ja Rule featuring Ashanti ... 2002
46. Hangin' Tough New Kids on the Block ... 1989
47. The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You Bryan Adams ... 1996
48. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da The Beatles ... 1968
49. I'm Too Sexy Right Said Fred ... 1992
50. My Heart Will Go On Celine Dion ... 1998

!!!???

4. Rollin' Limp Bizkit ... 2000
5. Ice Ice Baby Vanilla Ice ... 1990
8. Party All the Time Eddie Murphy ... 1985
11. Invisible Clay Aiken ... 2003
12. Kokomo The Beach Boys ... 1988
25. I'll Be Missing You Puff Daddy featuring Faith Evans and 112 ... 1997
28. Your Body Is a Wonderland John Mayer ... 2001
35. Shiny Happy People R.E.M. ... 1991
37. Rico Suave Gerardo ... 1991
39. She Bangs Ricky Martin ... 2000
40. I Wanna Sex You Up Color Me Badd ... 1991
41. We Didn't Start the Fire Billy Joel ... 1989
46. Hangin' Tough New Kids on the Block ... 1989
49. I'm Too Sexy Right Said Fred ... 1992

(the two songs i submitted when they were polling for nominees that should've really been on there: "has anybody seen my baby" by the stones and "i can't dance" by genesis)

And any list of the worst anything of alltime that doesn't mention Creed is not a complete list.

I will say though, in their defense, it's good to finally see a worst list that doesn't include "Tubthumping" or "MMMBop" or anything by the Spice Girls, all of which I love, but end up usually getting put onto "worst [something] ever" lists. (They were all on some recent MTV2 worst special.)

This is my favorite part of the press release.

And if I was going to pick an REM song it would probably be "Bang And Blame" or "Radio Song"

I defy anyone to claim they like this song.

Yes, that is the worst song ever.

name names, Colin! I'm all curious now!

when Simon LeBon is on the mic, definitely. Though I think there's plenty of romance in "Rio" and "Notorious."

What's "Smart Girls"? I haven't heard of that. And actually I should have offered Dee Dee King's "Funky Man" over "The Original Wrapper." While if you play the 33-1/3 single at 45 it sounds like Cartman, it's unlistenable at its normal speed.

"Smart Girls" is Brian Wilson's 1990 (91 maybe) attempt at rap that begins "My name is Brian/and I'm the Man/I make hit songs with the wave of my hand"

DEAR GOD.

You, of all people, shouldn't believe in "so bad it's good"!

ok "so bad, its hilarity redeems its existence."

Plus, songs from just about every artist Bender has put on their cover in the past 5 years.

Right on. Where do they find these people? Is it possible to have a single piece of Billy Ray Cyrus without mentioning his mullet?

I love it. What's your problem?

I just heard Matt Pinfield describe Rick Astley as goofy-looking. Uh, dude, HE'S not the guy with the misshapen head, k?

This special says: we at VH1 think showing videos is totally beaneath us but we're kinda obligated to because it's part of the common shared generational culture or something and appealing to that kinda thing brings in the advertising. So we've come up with a compromise: we show videos (but not whole, God forbid) AND show people saying how completely retarded videos are. We're sure you can appreciate how we get to have our cake and eat it, too. Huzzah.

1. We Built This City Starship ... 1985 -- the verses are what make this song awful. also the dumb metaphor. the chorus is passable.
2. Achy Breaky Heart Billy Ray Cyrus ... 1992 -- ?? sounds like a passable country novelty number to me. maybe i wasn't victim to its erstwhile overexposure.
3. Everybody Have Fun Tonight Wang Chung ... 1986 -- this song is not bad at all.
4. Rollin' Limp Bizkit ... 2000 -- i imagine anthony could come to a gallant defense of this song. it doesn't really seem worse than a lot of stuff on "alternative" radio.
5. Ice Ice Baby Vanilla Ice ... 1990 -- the rhymes are bad of course, but the backing track is silly fun.
6. The Heart of Rock & Roll Huey Lewis and the News ... 1984 -- this is a mediocre, poorly-engineered pop tune. no more no less. i guess huey lewis really stood in for something people really wanted to hate, huh?
7. Don't Worry, Be Happy Bobby McFerrin ... 1988 -- i don't hate this, but i can't actually imagine anyone liking it.
8. Party All the Time Eddie Murphy ... 1985 -- i like the synth line in this song, and the weird sense of urgency it gives. the vocal is ok until the high notes, which eddie massacres.
9. American Life Madonna ... 2003 -- ok this one is bad.
10. Ebony and Ivory Paul McCartney, Stevie Wonder ... 1982 -- i don't hate this one either. i guess it's biggest problem is its guilelessness huh? the melody really meanders and is far too innocuous, like an advertising jingle.
11. Invisible Clay Aiken ... 2003 -- don't know it.
12. Kokomo The Beach Boys ... 1988 -- shamed to admit that i don't hate this one, although mike love's vocal--fed through the largest reverb box ever?-- is annoying.
13. Illegal Alien Genesis ... 1983 -- don't know it.
14. From a Distance Bette Midler ... 1990 -- the big problem with this song is the vocal. bette just isn't cut out to sing songs like this. the lyrics, while not great, are more interesting than the vh1 special let on. in fact, in summarizing the lyrics' worldview (as a prelude to ridiculing it), the vh1 talking heads made me realize that its "clockmaker" view of god is not all that different from the view of god held by, for example, thomas jefferson.
15. I'll Be There for You The Rembrandts ... 1995 -- this song, while having some ingenuity to it, still embodies all that is bad about "power pop," from the melody to the production.
16. What's Up? 4 Non Blondes ... 1993 -- i cannot find any redeeming value to this song.
17. Pumps and a Bump Hammer ... 1994 -- oh, c'mon, is this really any worse than any other (perfectly enjoyable) mc hammer song?
18. You're The Inspiration Chicago ... 1984 -- i don't actually know this one well, but i like other chicago ballads just fine. and i like peter cetera's voice in general. maybe this is the nadir, i dunno.
19. Broken Wings Mr. Mister ... 1985 -- don't remember it well enough.
20. Dancing on the Ceiling Lionel Richie ... 1986 -- this has a really weak melody. there have been sillier conceits for pop songs, though.
21. Two Princes Spin Doctors ... 1992 -- this is bad.
22. Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue (The Angry American) Toby Keith ... 2002 -- i don't know about the song itself. the lyrics don't need my commentary.
23. Sunglasses at Night Corey Hart ... 1984 -- don't remember this one.
24. Five for Fighting Superman ... 2000 -- don't know this one.
25. I'll Be Missing You Puff Daddy featuring Faith Evans and 112 ... 1997 -- everything of value in this song came from the police tune. i say this as someone not too sold on the police and quite fond of hip-hop, if not puffy.
26. The End The Doors ... 1967 -- i don't really know this song, but i suspect that it is not that bad.
27. The Final Countdown Europe ... 1987 -- this is bad. and hard to believe it's not a parody.
28. Your Body Is a Wonderland John Mayer ... 2001 -- this song is conceptually gross and by far the worst-written of mayer's big hits.
29. Breakfast at Tiffany's Deep Blue Something ... 1995 -- this is very bad.
30. Greatest Love of All Whitney Houston ... 1986 -- this wouldn't be so bad if whitney didn't ham it up so much. it also wouldn't be any good at all if whitney wasn't singing it.
31. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Crash Test Dummies ... 1994 -- this is bad and best left forgotten.
32. Will 2K Will Smith ... 1999 -- i don't know this one. if it is anything like other will smith hits, it is perfectly passable. i don't think will smith expects people to take his lyrics that seriously.
33. Barbie Girl Aqua ... 1997 -- i like this song, as long as i hear it maybe once a year.
34. Longer Dan Fogelberg ... 1979 -- never heard it.
35. Shiny Happy People R.E.M. ... 1991 -- this is bad, but there are some alluring bits of business going on just the same.
36. Make Em Say Uhh! Master P featuring Silkk, Fiend, Mia-X and Mystikal ... 1998 -- don't know it.
37. Rico Suave Gerardo ... 1991 -- this song is so goofy, how can you hate it?
38. Cotton Eyed Joe Rednex ... 1995 -- no comment, lest i incure the wrath of chuck.
39. She Bangs Ricky Martin ... 2000 -- the melody is totally formulaic but not without a basic integrity. it's competently produced. any imperfections in his voice have been ably wiped out with modern technology.
40. I Wanna Sex You Up Color Me Badd ... 1991 -- this is a fine new jack-lite single.
41. We Didn't Start the Fire Billy Joel ... 1989 -- the chorus has shreds of a decent melody, sort of 1/3 of a hook. the rest is very bad.
42. The Sounds of Silence Simon & Garfunkel ... 1965 -- huh? this is a great song. (dippy lyrics aside.)
43. Follow Me Uncle Kracker ... 2000 -- never heard it.
44. I'll Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) Meat Loaf ... 1993 -- no opinion.
45. Mesmerize Ja Rule featuring Ashanti ... 2002 -- i actually hate this song! wow!
46. Hangin' Tough New Kids on the Block ... 1989 -- i really liked this song when it came out. i think there is a cowbell in this one.
47. The Only Thing That Looks Good on Me Is You Bryan Adams ... 1996 -- don't know it.
48. Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da The Beatles ... 1968 -- this song is great by virtue of paul desmond's instrumental version being used in a short film by abbas kiarostami.
49. I'm Too Sexy Right Said Fred ... 1992 -- a passably mediocre novelty song with shades of an interesting piano riff somewhere in there.
50. My Heart Will Go On Celine Dion ... 1998 -- this song is just fine, except for her vocal which gets way overriped. also hard to erase memories of the video in which celine seems woefully incompetent at applying the histrionic code of ballad-video gesturing.

thank you.

"We Are The World" by USA For Africa - not really so bad. well, yeah, bad. but not SO bad.
"After The Lovin'" by Englebert Humperdinck - don't know it.
"I Hate Everything About You" by Ugly Kid Joe - don't know it.
"What's Going On" by 4 Non Blondes - as noted, this is bad.
"Sympathy For The Devil (Neptunes Remix)" by the Rolling Stones - don't know it (feel like i dodged on there).
"The Girl Is Mine" by Paul McCartney & Michael Jackson - i like this well enough.
"Mesmerize" by Ja Rule & Ashanti - as noted, this is bad.
"Come Wit' Me" by Puff Daddy, Jimmy Page & Fuzzbubble - don't know it.
"American Life" by Madonna - yes, this is bad.
"Jenny From The Block" by Jennifer Lopez - this is catchy in the way "rebel, rebel" is catchy--it runs a good riff into the ground.
"I'm Just A Kid" by Simple Plan -- i hate this kind of stuff, and yet, there is something fascinating about it.
"Turn To You" by Christina Aguilera -- don't know it. but i generally find xina songs passable at worst.
"Liquid Dreams" by O-Town - don't know it.
"Every Other Time" by LFO - don't know it.
"The World's Greatest" by R. Kelly -- ah, r. kelly. he really doesn't belong on any list at all, he transcends lists.
"Shine" by Collective Soul -- is this the one where they grunt? this is bad, then.
"Touch Me" by the Doors -- the electric piano (?) in this is awful.
"Cumbersome" by Seven Mary Three -- don't know it.
"I Alone" & "Heaven" by Live -- don't know it.
"The Barry Williams Show" by Peter Gabriel -- don't know it.
"I Can't Dance" by Genesis -- i understand all the reasons why people hate this song, but i find many other songs more offensive.
"Flood" by Jars Of Clay - don't know it.
"King Of Pain" by the Police - there is almost always something very cool, and something horribly wrong, going on in a police song, this being no exception.
"Squeeze Box" by the Who -- yes, this is bad.
"The Original Wrapper" by Lou Reed -- don't know it. is it is what i think it is?
"All For One" by Sting, Rod Stewart and Bryan Adams -- phew, don't know it.
"The Garden Of Allah" by Don Henley -- i find it hard to hate anything by don henley, but in truth i don't know this one.
"Gimme Something For The Pain" & "Keep The Faith" by Bon Jovi - don't know it.
"Layla (acoustic version)" by Eric Clapton -- eh, could be worse.
"A View To A Kill" by Duran Duran -- don't know it. does miccio hate duran duran in general or is this a really bad song by them?
"Dizz Knee Land" by Dada -- don't know it.
"Puttin' On The Ritz" by Taco -- well this is a good song, done up really badly. the vocal is really strange, i have no idea why anyone would want to sing that way.
Those really long boring songs with organs that come onto classic rock stations that they eventually say were by Pink Floyd
"The Hannukah Song" by Adam Sandler -- this isn't supposed to be good, but it's bad by any standard, by virtue of not being funny.
"Beth" by Kiss -- i like this.
"If I Had $1,000,000" by Barenaked Ladies -- i have wiped this one from my memory banks, thank you.
"Never Too Far" by Mariah Carey -- i don't recall this one, but i bet i would like some aspect of it.
"Last Kiss" by Pearl Jam -- this isn't bad, it's just pointless.
"Achy Breaky Heart" by Billy Ray Cyrus -- as noted above, totally passable.
"Little Miss Can't Be Wrong" by Spin Doctors -- this is better than the other one, but still really bad.
"Will2K" by Will Smith -- this is fine.
"Strokin'" by whoever the hell does "Strokin'" -- clarence carter. i really like clarence carter's 60s/early 70s stuff, but this is terrible.

does miccio hate duran duran in general or is this a really bad song by them?

really bad song (though I'll admit I believe their good numbers were the exception rather than the rule)

that was a lot of fun btw.

i saw part of the vh1 special, and agree that much of it was really offensively dumb, or just offensive. who is that smug rob whoever guy? who always appeared at the left? someone please throw a pie in his face for me. thank you.

i think maybe sheffield.

It's got drama, sex and a taut, memorable melody. And big '80s drums. I really don't know what more anybody could want from a pop song.

8. Party All the Time Eddie Murphy ... 1985
13. Illegal Alien Genesis ... 1983
25. I'll Be Missing You Puff Daddy featuring Faith Evans and 112 ... 1997
26. The End The Doors ... 1967
27. The Final Countdown Europe ... 1987
33. Barbie Girl Aqua ... 1997
35. Shiny Happy People R.E.M. ... 1991
38. Cotton Eyed Joe Rednex ... 1995
42. The Sounds of Silence Simon & Garfunkel ... 1965
45. Mesmerize Ja Rule featuring Ashanti ... 2002

i suppose to the dipshits at blender it's a flukey one-time hit that is easy to make fun of (even if it's a perfectly fine pop song).

plus it's "canadian". (i really don't understand that one myself, it's like "canadian" is a slur for "not good enough to be american or some bullshit" like that).

2. Achy Breaky Heart Billy Ray Cyrus ... 1992
14. From a Distance Bette Midler ... 1990
19. Broken Wings Mr. Mister ... 1985
21. Two Princes Spin Doctors ... 1992
26. The End The Doors ... 1967
29. Breakfast at Tiffany's Deep Blue Something ... 1995
31. Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm Crash Test Dummies ... 1994
33. Barbie Girl Aqua ... 1997
40. I Wanna Sex You Up Color Me Badd ... 1991
44. I'll Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That) Meat Loaf ... 1993

I'd nominate the Fine Young Cannibals, "Good Thing"

-- christhamrin (hamr004...) (webmail), June 7th, 2004 10:59 AM. (christhamrin) (later) (link)

but that was their rationale for half of the songs on the list...

Anyone who had a heart would concur that it's a great song, and a very poignant commentary on the human condition. The line, "But both boy and girl were glad: there was one kid had it worse than that..." kills me every time. Do y'all remember the fantastic video, set in the school hall?

no it doesn't (not that i ever want to read it again).

"one in a million" is easily guns n'roses' best post-appetite song.