Rolling top 40 discussion thread, nr2.

I like how high it gets for "The Chipmunk Song"

Bland silver-tonsilled rapechild Shayne Ward clocks up a second week at number two, and similarly "My crazy dad, what will he get up to next! Oh, die of a heart attack" funsters Nizlopi remain at #2.

Highest new entry sees Hard-Fi decide money is a "good thing" at #14, and that's the sole new entry. However, post Xmas singles sales and download madness see re-entries for some old warhoses, including James Blunt at 16, Sugababes at 19, Kanye at 29, Kelly Clarkson at 36, Coldplay at 37, and the Kaisers at 39. 23 weeks on the chart for Daniel Powter. He's going to break half a year, isn't he?

Eminem holds on to #1 in the album charts, with Led Zeppelin's "Four Symbols" debuting at a majestic #40. Rock music, amirite?

This week the uk top 40 witnesses the second coming of the saviours of British Rock!

But first, #38 sees Sway trouble the waters of the top 40 for the first time, with his novelty/celebratory single. The bloke who triumphed over Fiddy at the MOBOs proves he can rhyme things with pooh. Forward Russia, despite its moniker, do not seem to write anthems about the advance of Leninism, but are quite unlistenable at #36. Ditto Test Icicles at #31. The Ordinary Boys move up 3 to #30 because someone from the band is in some TV show and is set to make a huge leap next week when it’s re-released. #27 is the Pussycat Dolls, who at 20 weeks, are the longest runner on the top 40. Like the Sugababes, Kanye and Arctic Monkeys, they have 2 singles in the chart.

But all is forgiven as Belle & Sebastian reach their highest chart position at number 13 with the lovely little jaunt “Funny Little Frog.” Given their steady rise of their past few singles – I’m A Cuckoo and Books EP both making the top 20, with any luck, I’m hoping that “The Blues Are Still Blue” and the left ladies in the launderette will gatecrash the top 10. By making number 13, “Funny Little Frog” has the distinction of being the highest charting single of any worth not playlisted by Radio 1 since the debacle when they missed out on Blu Cantrell/Sean Paul. Contestations?

Top 10:
JK & Joel interview Son of Dork guy who avoids the usual courteous “number 10 is great” attitude and acts MAD because he realises that he can’t scale the heights that he used to with Busted. He is pissed that an equally “credible” band, the Arctic Monkees aren’t at No. 10. Note to SoD guy: maybe you shouldn’t have broken up.

Monsieur Ashcroft befuddles everyone by remaining in the top 10, #8 is a dance take on that Michael Jackson/McCartney song by Hi-Tack, #7 dance take on Baywatch theme, #6 Nizlopi and their Asian dad still hanging around, and #5 hurrahs all around as Shayne Ward is finally knocked off the top after 4 weeks by a slew of new entries.

#4 Beyonce’s new single is sadly missing one of the following: Shawn Carter, Sean Paul, Rich Harrison, Kelly Rowland, thus only deserves number 4.
#3 is Will Young with the “actually quite sublime” “All Time Love” complete with a wonderfully ambiguous video. Is it just me or does Will Young have the greatest run of videos going on right now? In “Leave Right Now” he is quite crazed as he resists all attempts to drag him away from the camera, “Your Game” features bombastic sets as he pretends he’s a huge Broadway star, “Friday’s Child” begins with a great shot with him in arm floaties, “Switch It On” the notorious Hot Gun video, and “All Time Love” vaguely homoerotic, vaguely political, vaguely sentimental. Seriously, Will Young, well at least after his renaissance, is the definitive music video artist of this millennium.
#2 What are they trying to prove by mining Notorious BIG for all possible profit? Let’s all agree to leave them poor dead rappers alone.
#1 Arctic Monkeys – “When The Sun Goes Down.” Britain laps up a song about a scummy man. We all know the spiel, they’re set to be bigger than Oasis, the band that the Libertines couldn’t be, the biggest debut album in ages, perfect proclaims the guardian, the observer, NME, even Slate, all thanks to crazed fans on the internet and unironic Girls Aloud covers, etc, etc. Well they’re set to get the double next week by topping both singles and albums charts.

Surely the NME must be shitting themselves, especially with both Hard-Fi and the Editors knocking off the Bluntmeister in the albums chart.

Meanwhile, the Blunt advances to #15 on the US Hot 100, feasting its eyes on the top 10. Also flying the flag is Natasha Bedingfield at 28. The Brits only the export the very best.

(BBC News website)

Last seen in the advertising bumpers for Network Q during the commercial breaks on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, Leo Sayer brings teh irony to the #1 spot as "Thunder In My Heart" by Meck is your new #1 single. Two of histories finest playaz, Biggie Smalls and Preston from the Ordinary Boys take up the #2 and #3 spots, and Dead Or Alive are still top 5.

New entries: "You Got The Love" is still the best dance single ever and returns for its third appearance in the top ten (following on from 1991 and 1997) at #7, and Fall Out Boy finally kick off the Myspacemo movement in the UK at #8. Kubb may yet be (undeservingly) saved from the dumper at #18, probably can't say the same about Anthony Costa at #19 though. The fucking Alarm are at #24, and Bullet For My Valentine are upset about various things at #29. Three 6 Mafia score the most unlikely UK top 40 chart apperance since, well, Mogwai had one last week at #33, and El Presidente drop an early single of the eyar contender at #39 with "Turn This Thing Around".

Albumwise, you can make it three whole weeks of indie ruling this country with an iron first, as the Antic Markets retain that #1 spot, jsut ahead of your friend and mine, James Blunt at #2. "The Life Pursuit" gives Belle and Sebastian their most succesful album to date a #8, and Chris Brown turns up for one week before vanishing forever at #29. Worth noting at #7 are the Kaiser Chiefs, who are 3 weeks away from having the first entirely uninterrupted year in the charts since the Scissor Sisters. Well done all involved.

Chico Time on one hand, and Corinne Bastard Jesus Christ Do We Have To Go Through All This Shit Again Bailey "Not As Good As Jesse" Rae on the other. Now I know how 1967 felt.

Meanwhile in the album chart it's Mogadon time - The Voice And Guitar Of Pink Floyd (can Syd sue?) straight in at number one, Andrea Bocelli at 4, Van Morrison at 8 (and if more than eight people bought that I'd be bloody surprised). Elsewhere Shakira, Delays, Morning Runner, Leo Sayer, Mogwai, Mystery Jets and Little Willies all underperform.

P.S. next week, Westwood is presenting the Top 40 show on Radio 1 (!!!) albeit with Scott Mills holding his hand.

the first track you hear is alright, the next is Oh Them again, and the subsequent stuff is oh no.

Now read this: http://www.popjustice.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=109&Itemid=147

One hit wonder Corinne Bailey Rae returns to the top of the album chart, narrowly beating Russell "The Voice" Watson. What I want to know is when Penny Smith's album is coming out - I liked what Morley said in OMM yesterday about her singing, i.e. like the only two singers she'd ever heard had been Hilda Ogden and Captain Beefheart.

I actually enjoyed the OMM yesterday, not least for Man Like Simon Reynolds' accurate description of which is the best website for music writing.

Singles chart ultra-boring with a few old-style leaps to the top - Ne-Yo from 18 to 1, Pink from 49 to 4, Sean Paul from 53 to 11, oh and World Cup anthem authors Embrace in at 2 Southall to thread obv.

Michael Jackson reappears at 16 with "Bad." Yeah Yeah Yeahs at 18. And down at 71, why it's Killing Joke with "Hosannas From The Basements Of Hell."

(I'm kidding, you can if you want to)

Boss: What where who hell he?
Me: EastEnders.
Boss: Oh shit...

(dunno if it's THE single of the year, but it's abso-definitely up there. I don't reckon we'll be getting the Marit Larsen or RIP SLYME on these shores anytime soon, anyway)

Editors can finally stop promoting that bloody album at #21, one slot ahead of Sheffield types Milburn, who I've not heard but kind of suspect I don't really need to. A tribute single for Jinky Johnstone and the Radio 4 theme are at #28 and #29, ahead of The Automatic at 32 and The Pipettes at 35.

meaning 'Crazy' would be first #1 since ???* to have 2nd week sales gain?

*could be Shane X-Factor for all i know

no it doesn't! i mean it IS terrible but let us not forget that the streets' only no 1 to date came with one of the most ghastly things i've ever heard in my life, certainly worse than this.

What this means, I have no idea.

'Fierce Girl' is still great!

18 Streets Has It Come To This Oct 2001
30 Streets Let's Push Things Forward Apr 2002
27 Streets Weak Become Heroes Aug 2002
21 Streets Don't Mug Yourself Nov 2002
4 Streets Fit But You Know It May 2004
1 Streets Dry Your Eyes Jul 2004
10 Streets Blinded By The Lights Oct 2004
30 Streets Could Well Be In Dec 2004
8 Streets When You Wasn't Famous Apr 2006

xpost

Frank Ferdinand is at #14, Mish Mash are on Data so you can guess what they might sound like at #16, and Jacko really isn't doing himself any favours with a rerelease of "Dirty Diana" at #17.

Belle and Sebastian are at #25 with "The Blues are Still Blue", the Charlatans are still going for some reason at #28, and thankfully D4L aren't as popular as they are in America at #29.

Snow Patrol - how and when did they walk the line from Arab Strap to REO Speedwagon?

I've never got Belle and Sebastian. I thought I was getting somewhere with the previous album, but typically that was down to Trevor Horn's producing and arranging genius. I've always found them rather creepy, like the Moonies' idea of an indie group.

Yazz was dated but in a good way - I've always loved that record for personal reasons.

The Streets seem to have become TOTP's weekly running joke - where did all the inspiration go? Tired thoughts from a dead pen.

Why were the Crimea on? Ah yes, brother of a Radio 1 DJ. Nice to see that old-style licence fee-funded BBC nepotism survives in this day and age.

Daniel Powter - his irritating headgear has "one hit wonder" emblazoned across it as surely as the FINAL DEMAND stamp over the council tax bill.

The Zutons were as dull as ever - if not for "That Pretty Girl" they would be nowhere near number nine in the charts.

Sadly I suspect that Gnarls Barkley have "one-hit wonder" written all over them as well (how many times have you listened to World Clique in the last 15 years?) - but what a hit!

For no apparent reason 'It's Chico Time' has climbed from #26 to #13.

#14 is the last Hard-Fi single for a bit, #15 sees Trina finding out just how far Kelly Rowland's star power can get her, and Ludacris does the same for Jamie Foxx at #16. And Jamie Foxx has an Oscar. The Jacko re-release campaign continues to refuse to do the decent thing and go away - this week, Smooth Criminal is the equivalent of discovering that no-one in the room shares your enthusiasm for Radio 3, or something. Ahem. It's #19.

Fall Out Boy TAKE EMO BY THE SCRUFF OF THE NECK and LEAD IT INTO THE MUSICAL FOREGROUND by being EXACTLY AS POPULAR AS FUNERAL FOR A FRIEND at #26, last Gorillaz single for a bit at #27, last Studio B single ever at #28 (and it's not too shabby, actually), and Lorraine continue the Curse Of Popjustice at #29, or at least they would if they were less rubbidge. Our last new entry are Infernal, who take 'From Paris To Berlin' to #34 on downloads alone, meaning next week's chart could well be seeing some red-hot Danish tack-disco action at the business end. CORKING!

Also, some albums. 'Big' Mick Skinner is yr new #1. Hayley Westen-RAH! returns to #16, and Don Williams' Greatest Hits club together DEFINITIVELY at #27 (I should know who he is, I suspect, yet somehow I've not a clue).

Deep Dish featuring Stevie Nicks bring that Arabic coffee-table house/cocaine up the arse fusion to the masses at #14, Michael Jackson now more and more resembles a minor Formula 1 team trying to get at least one points finish at #15, and the Flaming Lips produce the usual bullshit bearded shit for Q magazine readers at #16.

Blaze featuring Barbra Tucker is something I've never heard but could quite possibly be some Hed Kandi detritus judging by the cover at #17, and Lex will no doubt be along in a bit to tell us how great Soundbwoy Ent are at #18. Richard Ashcroft, fresh off 100 posts about which dead people he has written songs baout in the Streets thread, comes in at #20.

THE LAST EVER BAND ON POPWORLD BEFORE IT WENT SHIT Snow Patrol are over at #30, Juanes will be soundtracking your next visit to a Tex/Mex diner at #32, and A-Ha are still going at #39. Well done A-Ha. "Because of You", for some reason, enters the charts at #40.

In the albums, kind-hearted people's champion Shayne Ward coasts to #1 ahead of The Zutons ft. Abi Harding's Legs. Peter Grant (didn't he used to play for Celtic) is #8 with the astoundingly presumptuously titled 'New Vintage'. Charlatans #10, God shuffles feet. 'On and On' re-enters at #39 to give Jack Johnson two albums in the top 40. Great.

He's preferable to The Choirboys.

Infernal climb to 3, Brendan Benson and his celebrity chums pip Didz Hammond and his celebrity chums to #4, Snow Patrol's second week climb scales the dizzy heights of #7, and Chicane prod Tom Jones to #8. The Kooks are still in the top 10.

Will Young's 'Who Am I' is #11. has that been released already? I don't remember seeing it in the schedules... Funky See Funky Do get to #12 on downloads, and Chris Brown is #13. I neither know nor care how he got there. This week's under-performing Jacko re-release is Black or White, at #18.

Also on the download - Beatfreakz and their midget Jacko are #21. HIM are #26, that christ-awful Nina Simone remix jobby is #30, Ultrabeat ride the DJ Daz-inspired wave of Northern House enthusiasm all the way to #35, and Damian Marley is #39, somehow.

Gnarls Barkley are also #1 in the albums. Below them, a bevy of new entries - Springsteen makes Pete Seeger accessible for the younger generation at #3, Rihanna's album must have been out before at #6, Mark Knopfler and Emmylou Harris sneak into #8, and Jamie Foxx is no longer Ray Charles at #9.

Taking Back Sunday are #18. Maybe it's right to be nervous now, etc. Two slots further down, Panic! At The Disco.

Wolfmother are #25. How?

Oh, and Jack Johnson's Brushfire Fairytales is at #36, meaning there's now three of his albums in the top 40. Sainsbury's must be coining it in.

'Interesting fact' - Forward Russia's label is called Dance To The Radio. I want to grow an iron fist and punch myself in the face with it.

In the albums, Gnarls get toppled by Snow Patrol. Tool are #4 (I think they've charted higher than that previously, will check), and Pearl Jam are #5. THE ALBUM CHART SHOW BECKONS, CHAPS. JOE MACE IS READY TO BELIEVE YOU! Nina Simone, As Featured On That Ad For That Thing, is #20, and to celebrate the release of Scott Walker's 'The Drift', Mercury release The Best Of Scott Walker And The Walker Brothers - The Sun Ain't Gonna Shine. #24 for that.

I liked "Come Back", though I guess I didn't expect you would like it Marcello!

refresh me.

on the hits the otehr day during their lame 'mash up' thing i saw an indie track played over something quite grimey.

i saw the top 50 r&b divas on the hits on saturday and it made me SO HAPPY.

Anyway, LL Cool J gets to taste the bitter, bitter smell of disappointment this week, 'Control Myself' rising from 15 to 2. Infernal overhaul Beatfreakz for #3, Rihanna still #5. Highest new entry is Neil Tennant & The Boys From The Pet Shop, whose 'I Am With A Person Who Is Stupid' is #8. The Kooks are now the longest running single in the top ten, y'know? They're #10.

C'MON DAZ is #13 - five higher than 'Touch My Fire' got, but exactly the same as 'Hold On To Our Love'. Hopefully it'll climb next week. C'MON DAZ. Boy Kill Boy are #17, and are also shite. Christina Milian is next week's big climber at #18, and Probably The Naffest Re-Release Campaign In The World puts 'In The Closet' at #20.

Guitaristic mediocrities The Upper Room are #22, one ahead of Busta Rhymes. One of these records will be climbing next week. It will not play guitars. Unlike Orson, who are #28. The effect of T-Pain's physical sales manages to keep him at exactly #30. The Delays' second single off their second album gets shafted at #35, four ahead of Graham Coxon, who in turn is one ahead of Hot & The Chips.

The Red Hot Chilli Peppers become the first act to get a double album to #1 in, like, a while. Dirty Pretty Things are #3. For no better reason than that she's possibly a bit evil, Hayley Westenra climbs from #38 to #20. Jose Gonzalez climbs from #40 to #27. John Fogerty is new at #32, and The Greatest Hits Of The Red Hot Chilli Peppers is #40, making them the first act to top and tail the chart since, oh, Jack Johnson, possibly. I would really like for there to be some kind of message involved with that, and for that message to be 'they're shit'.

At #41, pop's second favourite football hooligan behind that dude from Frigid Vinegar, the Beautiful South have a hit with "Manchester". Starsailor were at one point one of the biggest bands in Britain at #47, and Sunblock ft Robin Beck is something I'm very thankful I'll never have to hear in my life ever again at #48.

Imogen Heap is that thing that they've been talking about in the broadsheet music sections (lol who the fuck would write for them) at #56, and Angels and Airwaves are at #78 with "The Adventure". It's either emo or Northern house, I can't exactly tell from the name. "Don't Cha" spends it's ninth month in the top 100.

Mobb Deep's album charts at #70. That worked.

Orson's physicals can only get them to #11, which is fair enough, cos 'Bright Idea' is ming. More worrying is Sandi Thom at #15, because that's MP3 only. If this is what knocks 'Crazy' off #1 then I may cry. No such worries with Angels & Airwaves at #20.

Do you remember Michael Jackson's 'Jam'? No? #22 anyway, one ahead of PRML SCRM's MP3 fanbase. The digital world also puts The Feeling at #28. Towers of London are at #32 for some reason, Nerina Pallot's marginally preferable to Sandi Thom at #37, and Lady Sovereign may finally get that top 10 single as the remix of 9 to 5 - now entitled Nine2five - is #38 on downloads. Albeit taking second billing to The Ordinary Boys. Y'know, like when Fallacy was on that remix of that Craig David single.

Yeah.

And Eddie Thoneick & Kurd Maverick show that there's still a place for lower-order dance singles at the wrong end of the 40 by entering at #39, and for that we salute them.

In the albums, Red Hot Chilli Peppers are the first double album to go to #1 since the last one. Those girls you occasionally bump into at uni who quite like Brendan Benson propel the Raconteurs to #2, officially making them more popular than the greatest hits of Feeder. The Beautiful South continue to be the elephant in the album chart's room at #6 (is it wrong for me to quite like 'Manchester'? No, no it isn't). Neil Young 'does a Green Day' at #14, and Nerina Pallot's album is #27. This is kind of like when Sia had a hit, except nowhere near as good. Just the two Jack Johnson albums in the chart, but one of them is the Curious George OST at #29, which is a re-entry.

Ordinary Boys "vs" Lady Sovereign - what would the 1977 equivalent have been? Paper Lace versus Ari Up?

The Sunblock record is rubbish but I must say Ms Beck has aged very well indeed. Her smile at the end provoked a warm tingle in me. I hope she has been able to make a good living these past 18 years.

Take That from 1994 looked embarrassed and furtive, like a bunch of National Service rookies given a broom and potato peeler and told to get on with it. Did I miss their Adidas T-shirt phase?

I am not feeling The Feeling. Sad Cafe were bad enough first time around.

A double helping of Gnarls. One of the many dull tracks on their album, and consequently a duller performance. I don't believe there's another single there, except maybe "Gone Daddy Gone."

The Beautiful South always seem to contrive to turn any errant rays of blue into puce.

Orson at number eleven - that follow-up obviously wasn't such a "Bright Idea."

Breaks Co-Op - yet more in-house BBC nepotism funded by us. A truly on-the-case TOTP would have had Lily Allen on instead.

Ronan Keating and Kate Rusby - is this death?

"Crazy" now the longest-running number one since "Love Is All Around" - and the first since "Two Tribes" which can justify so long a stay.

i worked out at the weekend that - you know how sov's singles have gotten shitter and shitter since she first emerged? if you assume the same trajectory and fast forward five years you end up with lily allen.

you actually think like this!

Will this be the first Tooting Broadway number one?

Or is it that new fangled "early showing" for the download only version?

Only a few thousand between Gnarls and Sandi in the midweeks, Daz is going top, Matt Willis is _your_ most succesful member of Busted going top 10 as well, and we're looking a high single figures/low teens position for Preston and His Ordinary Boys and their Lady Sovereigns.

Album charts are looking interesting though: 1-2 is RHCP and Snow Patrol, but Angels and Airwaves are #3, Zero 7 top 5, Pet Shop Boys only just scraping the top 10, and Boy Kill Boy are (thankfully) only managing the arse end of the teens.

Apparently, it was the biggest points score eurovision's ever had.

Customers who bought music by Lordi also bought music by these artists:

* Dragonforce
* Trivium
* Wednesday 13
* Crucified Barbara
* Turisas

funny, i didn't read about this on popbitch...

Not a small label either, one that's got Ministry and Bruce Dickinson and Corrosion of Conformity and all those other bands that are hip with the Kidz these days.

Depeche Mode – John The Revelator / Lillian
Duncan James – Sooner Or Later
Echo & The Bunnymen - Scissors In The Sand
Embrace – World At Your Feet
Fightstar – Hazy Eyes
Hope of the States- Sing It Out
Mariah Carey – Say Something
Michael Jackson – Earth Song
Missy Elliott – 123
Nelly Furtado – Maneater
Nickleback- Savin' Me
Jim Noir – Eanie Meanie
Pussycat Dolls - Buttons
The Research – The Hard Times
The Streets – Never Went To Church
Sugababes – Follow Me Home
Tonedef Allstars - Who Do You Think You Are Kidding Jurgen Klinsmann

that sugababes ballad is absolutely gorgeous.

Imagine the phone call...

GMTV: "Hello, is that Mrs zxxx"
Zxxx: "Yeah?"
GMTV: "You know the phonein comp you entered yesterday?"
...

1) Embrace, being the official England song, will be inescapable come release date (N.B. I haven't heard it yet, but it's B-List at Radio 1)

2) Of those songs, only two are on the A-List at Radio 1, those being 'Maneater' and 'Never Went To Church'. Of those two, 'Maneater' is fantastic if a bit too long for its own good, and 'Never Went To Church' isn't much more than a knock-off of 'Dry Your Eyes' with a video that one suspects is perhaps meant to be taken seriously, but which is so horrendously DO YOU SEE? that surely it won't be... surely...

3) If - IF - Lordi go number one, it'll not only be the first Eurovision-winning number one since Nicole, but also the first Eurovision winner to go top 40 since Charlotte Nilsson in 1999. And that got to #20. I really just can't see it happening.

4) That feller from Orson really needs to stop wearing his hat like that.

Lordi certainly will make the chart. Odds on for number one I'd have thought.

my point is just that the song being of the nature it is, it's not something that can be moronically yelled out loud by drunken apes the same way 'Three Lions' or even 'World In Motion' can be. i can only just remember the chorus to 'How Does It Feel To Be On Top Of The World' and that's it. Embrace will probably do a bit better than McCulloch and co. but the song is unlikely to be that well remembered or indeed played much around Euro 2008 time let alone the next World Cup.

Ever.

The Ordinary Boys get Lady Sovereign into the top ten at #6 (GORDON BROWN IS THE MAN IN THE KNOW), ahead of the surprisingly quite good Matt From Busted at #7. Bad Luck, Daz is #8, making him the first UK Eurovision entry to go top ten since Precious in 1999. The Feeling secure their upper-half of the bill slot at V by getting to #10.

Nerina Pallot is mercifully stopped at #14, with Keane being the highest download-only entry at #15. A brief glance down the release schedule suggests that there may very well be worse things that could knock 'Crazy' off #1. Which is a little worrying. Pink, for instance, is #19.

Robbie Williams is #22, though I've no idea whether or not that's downloads or what exactly. The Futureheads return more or less exactly where they left off - #24 - and the Jacko re-release campaign hits a new low of #27, because someone appears not to have realised that there is nobody that really ever needs to hear 'Heal The World' ever again. Ever. Jack Johnson's impact on the singles market remains thankfully minimal at #30. Taking Back Sunday are #36 on combined stuff, and there's download only entries for Oakenfold (#37) and The Darkness (#39). Little Man Tate round things off at #40, which gives rise to a question in my mind:

Inside Man
Flightplan
Panic Room
The Dangerous Lives Of Altar Boys
Contact
Sommersby
The Silence Of The Lambs
The Accused

Jodie Foster's filmography or emo all-dayer at a pub in Solihull?

in The Albums, the Peppers are still on top. Zero 7 can make a claim to be more popular than the Pet Shop Boys - they're #4, Neil & Chris are #5, and Angels & Airwaves are #6. For no plausible reason, Boy Kill Boy (or is it boykillboy? That would seem more accurately twatty) are #16. The Number One Hits Of The Bee Gees are #29, and Hot Chip is well cool like at #34.

Boykillboy are spectacularly useless. Full charts aren't out yet, for some reason, or are the usual venues not posting them?

but will it be best-selling?

oh god not 'The Fokker Song (Misprint)' or somehing equally hilarious please

meh.

No doubt James Whale plays it on Talk Sport nightly.

Tony Christie's 'Is This The Way To The World Cup' and Stan Boardman's 'Stan's World Cup Song' are #11 and #19 respectively. Is it worth me doing the whole 'listen again' thing to see whether JK & Joel referred to Boardman as a 'legend'? No, no it isn't. I might have to hear his bloody song.

LeAnn Rimes is #22 - I think that's combined dls and physicals - but a rather large surprise might be the performance of The Automatic's 'Monster', slyly positioning itself as the summer's big shouty indie disco menace at #23 on downloads alone. This week's episode of "Dear God, Michael Jackson really went to shit towards the end, didn't he?" sees 'You Are Not Alone' at #30.

'Father and Daughter' is Paul Simon's first top 40 hit in 16 years at #31. Loleatta Holloway is #37, Embrace's tilt at next week's #1 begins at the not-entirely-inauspicious position of #38 for downloads (bearing in mind the physical sales will probably be higher than anything else next week), and a Corinne Bailey Rae single that I could have sworn was out the other week is #40.

In the al-ba-ba-bums, Orson are #1. How? Nina Simone's third Very Best Of (why does no-one ever sue over these things?) is her second top ten album (the first being, er, her first Very Best Of, 12 years ago). The Futureheads are a) #12 b) not quite as good as they used to be, AFI are this week's token surprise US punk band in the top 20 at #16, and the Rolling Stones' 'Forty Licks' is #23 for some reason.

(Soz, Will, only heared JK&J's rundown, not the bit where they played it,ornot.)

I have the feeling Lordi may have missed the boat somewhat. The record should have been out and ready to go the Monday after Eurovision; otherwise the momentum gets lost. Suspect Nelly might now nab the number one ahead of them, if Embrace don't.

Oddly, facsimile sleeves for all four (unexciting) LP sleeve inners, even though they are on 3 actual CDs.

Oh, and: Morrissey apparently had a single out, and now it's #14, Depeche Mode are #18, The Streets #20 (it'd be much better without that chorus, wouldn't it? And the intro, for that matter), Lordi become the first forrin Eurovision act to chart since 1999 at #25, Mariah Carey is yr #27 (poss. download only), then three other download-only singles - Sugababes #32, Duncan James #34, Hope Of The States #39. This week's Jacko re-release is JACKO SHOUTS AT TREES, and is #34. Ah-ah-AHHHH etc.

ALBUMS, and for the first time in yonks the top 5 is comprised ENTIRELY of new entries! Yes, your new number one is Sandi Thom's Boys Are Stupid, Throw Rocks At Them, just ahead of The Feeling's Ultimate Survival Guide: Jangle, Ronan Keating's Celebrate Your Mother, Paul Simon's Hello Grammy Voters, and Primal Scream's Yeahchie Honneh Whoo-Shuh Naowwwww. LeAnn Rimes is #15 by default, The Very Best Of Manfred Mann is #24, The Complete Greatest Hits Of The Eagles is #28, and News & Tributes falls from #12 to #40 in its second week. I still dunno what to make of it, really...

Bryan Adams (& Chicane) or "My Heart Will Go On"?

And actually, the Mariah, Sugababes, Duncan James and Hope of the States are all full CD releases. Sugababes at #32 - I couldn't believe it myself - shockingly low.

Ronan Keating's Celebrate Your Mother
I was briefly excited when I thought he'd stopped covering boring country songs and started on 80's matchbox b-line disaster.

Bugger, xpost.

You forgot Celine Dion.

Hurrah Nelly.

while i think that there has only been one actively awful sugababes single ever ('shape'), and they are mistresses of the lead single choice, their decisions re follow-ups have been less good.

What's the midweeks on that one?

Album charts OMG DIXIE CHICKS HAVING A TOP 5 ALBUM WTF WTF LOL. Busta may be joining them, assuming he's not responsible for any more depths in the rest of the week.

For the Sugababes, "Follow Me Home" is the 4th single from Taller in More Ways, and frankly it just isn't nowhere near as great as "Push the button" or "Red Dress", and as far sugaballads go, it isn't up there with "Run For Cover" or "Too Lost In You". Also, Mutya fans probably didn't buy it because ex-babe Mutya wasn't too happy about its release as it was written for her daughter.

And as for, "Never Went To Church", England hasn't been kicked out off the finals yet, so there's no need to adopt a loser ballad as a national anthem a la "Stop crying your heart out".

Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but these songs have been available to download as album tracks for months now before the single release date - so the phenomenon of huge chart rises are restricted to the first singles off albums, like "Maneater" "SOS" etc.

Now, it's been available for d/l for a while, but it only registers in the chart the week before single release.

And then it shoots up into the top ten.

Biggest climber ever.

Anyway, it seems the days of "Straight in at number one" being a rare event are back!

ST is merely the last but one (see: Allen, Lily) in a series of pseudo-autonomous conveyor-belt floozies whose sole purpose is to reactivate the fading libidos of middle-aged male record company executives and radio programme controllers. The album will be going for four quid in MVE in less than a month. She is not a star and will never be a star.

Start investing in real and genuinely new and original musicians and perhaps record companies might still be in business in five years' time.

i was wondering why the stream of amazing and completely plastic teenpop coming out of america had dried up in the uk - this is a conveyor belt which gave us backstreet boys, britney, xtina, jennifer paige, mandy moore, fantastic one-hit wonders throughout the years. and it's still happening there, albeit with an autonomy so pseud that even when it's genuine, there's still a plastic sheen: ashlee simpson, lindsay lohan, hilarity duff, the new paris hilton single. but they could never succeed in the uk in 2006! because these girls are "fake" "sluts" in the minds of the idiot british public and therefore unacceptable popstars.

They had one hit!

no, but i don't need to cos it's the worst thing since john wayne covered 'i bet that you look good on the dancefloor' innit *winky*.

Armand Van Helden has re-released 'My My My' and it has gone to #12 and that made him happy. Solu Music ft. Kimblee get themselves some obscurity at #18, as The Fratellis portend a backlash against something-or-other at #19. Dannii Minogue is #20, which is nice for her, probably.

Look! Look! #22 - TI! It's 'Why You Wanna', which has fuck-all on 'What You Know', but still, y'know. Apparently his TV ad involves Westwood barking. I haven't seen it. Possibly the biggest shock of the week involves a minor resurgence in the Jacko reissues campaign, getting to #26 this week. The most shocking thing is that the song in question is 'They Don't Care About Us', which is utter guff. At least 'Earth Song' has that screaming bit, which is kind of fun in a slow-motion-Matrix-dancing-to-'Mystical Machine Gun' manner (no, I'm not going to demonstrate). The Black Eyed Peas shit on Sergio Mendes at #29, and Lostprophets enter on downloads alone at #39.

Keane's Insert Unnecessarily Portentous Album Title Here is #1. That Nelly Furtado album is a bit of a disappointment at number 5, while the Dixie Chicks' midweek promise falls apart, presumably at the hands of THE KIDS going to WOOLWORTHS at the WEEKEND and buying THE COMPLETE GREATEST HITS OF THE EAGLES instead, and they end up at #12. Paul Weller apparently has an album out and it's #17. Busta Rhymes gets his first UK top 20 album at #19 (previous best - #34, nine years ago), ahead of The Definitively Very Best Ever More Greatest Hits Collections of Level 42 (#20), The Stranglers (#28), Dusty Springfield (#31) and, um, The Lightning Seeds (#34). Yes, kids, a rapper is more popular than 'The Chinese Way' and 'Sugar Coated Iceberg'. There's a turn-up for the books, eh?

"Hips Don't Lie" is your number three, which gives Wyclef his first top 10 appearance for over five years. That's obviously what we're all buying it for, right? And Bon Jovi, who were about 200 copies off #1 midweek, instead chart down at #5. For those keeping count, that's the 19th top 10 single of their career to date.

Autism/money grabbing punk casualty crossover a-go-go at #10, as Sham 69 and The "Special Assembly" (as in what you'd have at the start of every day at a special school?) brings the "People's Anthem" to the top 10. Armand Van Helden is back without anyone telling me at #12, and Solu Music Ft Kimblee isn't the kind of world music they play at your local vegan restaurant, but rather some of that good ol' Hed Kandi tunage that the kids love these days. Fratellis are INDIE INDIE INDIE OY at #19, one place of Dannii Minogue Hates Richard Madeley and Blacks at #20.

TI is three places below the Fratellis at #22 with "Why You Wanna", a chart statistic I'm sure we'll see repeated in the States within a few weeks. Durp-de-durp Michael Jackson #26 ta-teedla-e-tum, and download only fun at #29 for the Black to the Eyed to the Peas, with some old Brazillian dude. Lostprophets at #39 with what I assume is also downloads only. If not, they wanna sack their street team.

Fun fact: behind "stylus" and "sex songs", the third most popular search term to get to StylusMagazine.com was "keane under the iron sea review", and fittingly it brings all manner of excitement and hummable choruses to the #1 spot. Nelly Furtado gets her knickers off at #5, and the Dixie Chicks are #12, making it the first top 20 country album of original material in the UK since... I want to say "In Pieces" by Garth 12 years ago. Any advance?

Paul Weller isn't as popular as he used to be at #17, Busta Rhymes shot a bodyguard in Reno just to watch him die at #19, and LEVEL 42 THE DEFINITIVE COLLECTION IS YOUR NUMBER TWENTY ALBUM. Looking back it's so bizarre, it runs in the family...

The Very Best of the Stranglers is the perfect gift for fathers day at #28, "At Her Very Best" by Dusty Springfield isn't at #31, and Ian Broudie milks the final teat of the Lightning Seeds at #33. 62 weeks in the top 40 for the Kaiser Chiefs now. Sweet christ.

lol xp

the sunday herald ran its monthly "freSH" supplement for teenagers today (think the funday times but with earnest polemic instead of cartoons) and ms allen's new mewlings (which i personally quite like) were up for review. VER KIDS - four of the little sods - universally panned her; one said she was a poor sandi thom copyist. this made me chuckle.

VER KIDS also loved the new muse single. go figure: compared to everything else muse have ever done, it's jizz.

but yes, once she sallies forth from the rarefied protective atmosphere of the blogosphere/OMM i predict the shortest of short careers for keithette.

sandi thom, i fear, might have a little longevity left.

Crying shame, this is her best single since....er, the last one.

Guillemots proved to be another of those bands who only really make sense once they're on TOTP/in the charts. Rose to the occasion rather splendidly I thought. Also the first time Sun Ra's ever appeared on the programme...

Didn't mind the Fratellis. Didn't mind Ne-Yo either. And "From Paris To Berlin" is, let's face it, a classic single and Genuine Hit.

Still, just as I fear I'm turning into a soft lad, there were Shakira and Wyclef, and then Ray Lamontaigne, to remind me reassuringly of my limitations when it comes to tolerance.

In the car, we were listening to part of teh chart rundown, and they played the Stan Boardman single. (That's its title, btw).

Basically, imagine a song based around "She'll be coming round the mountain" with comedy lyrics. I know they're comedy as Stan laffs at the end of some of them. And then goes into bits that you may have heard from "I am the music man". At which point the kids got all nostalgic for various holiday clubs and sang along. And went into Nana's singing "Saying I YI Yipee, the gerrrmans bombed wor chippy" and so on.

Tolerance, see?

Speaking of "I Am The Music Man," someone reissue the Rusty Goffe original. Christmas number one staring you in the face innit.

what is this, 2004?

Father's Day yesterday innit (which also explains Paul Simon's second week at #4).

I was sort of tempted by "Black or White" but then I remembered the rub long video (the middle bit is fine, the masturbating in a back alley metaphor at the end... no)

Fatboy Slim, incredibly, is number 2 in the midweek albums. Automatic at 3.

(...) 'Crazy' which would actually have charted at around Number 7 this week, but for the fact that it is now two weeks since the deletion of the physical single and its remaining sales are no longer eligible for the chart listings.

What nonsense is this?

Nelly Furtado and her massive dog make it a month at number one, with Shakira's bad dress-sense at #2 and Freedull For Tooting at #3.

New entries? We got new entries. Muse's cover of Britney's "Do Somethin'" gives them their biggest hit to date at #4, and That One Hot Chick from That Rubbish Scouseadelica Band is at #9 with "Valerie".

Pussycat Dolls tribute to lovable pantomine character Buttons is at #11, and the Kooks (who are also at #26 with "Naive", the longest run of any song on the current top 40) are at #14. Heavens preserve us. All-American Rejects DESTROY any idea that they're a one-hit wonder with the chart-devouring "Dirty Little Secret" at #18, and Knee-Yow is sexy and loving at #21, a place in front of... "Stranger In Moscow". That was one song the kids were crying out for a rerelease of.

Lupe Fiasco is kicking and pushing with all his might at #27, and the Young Knives are just fucking horrid at #38. The Editors are #39th. Big up yourselves.

Albums? Keane excite at #1, Fatboy Slim decomposes at #2, The Automatic are All RAG Week, All The Time at #3. Shakira shakes her thang at #14, Danii Minogue don't care about black people at #17, and a Madonna live album is at #18. Woop.

Sergio Mendes has sportswear and the BEP to give him his first ever top 40 album at #27, I have no idea whatsoever "Triniti" is at #32, and THE BEST OF GEORGE BENSON is at #36. G'n'R's greatest hits re-enters at #40 for no particular reason. 63 weeks on the top 40 now for "Employment".

Pussycat Dolls + Busta + WOLFMOTHER = BBC you are insane for axeing this programme

Oh, and are all the football tribute singles being sold off for 20p now?

That new Xtina single isn't half bad - it maintains her record of one decent single every three years. But watching the video on TOTP - clever and artful, but those eyes are so irreversibly dead.

Paolo Nutini will doubtless be huge. No doubt fellow Paisley native David Tennant loves his melodic style.

Muse have really metamorphosed into a great band. The Kooks and Razorlight might do likewise if given enough time and encouragement.

Belle and Sebastian are turning into the indie Status Quo - always on TOTP, always sounding the same, but you can't really hate them. Stuart Murdoch looking increasingly like a young Mike Westbrook.

In the TOTP archives: Ace of Base wanting another baby in 1993 - the performance looked shockingly dated, more like 1973 than 1993, but they were fine for their time, and only one of them was a Nazi.

And the fabulous Moloko with my darling Roisin showing all the Xtinas and Lilys of this world what true sexiness actually means - talent and intelligence combined with those mischievous eyes, curling lips and that long black leather coat and those gloves which frankly TURN ME ON SOMETHING CHRONIC!

In a fairer world, "If We're In Love" would have been number one forever last year.

But in this world, thanks to the lovely street teams at Sony/BMG, Shakira warbles and wiggles her way to number one this week.

Kinks ripoff = LDN, surely. Was that what she did on TOTP yester?

Oh and apparently Beth Orton's new single didn't make the top 200. How many singles do you have to sell to make 199?

xtina hasn't released a bad single since the ones off her first album which weren't 'genie in a bottle'.

The past few weeks have just made me think that:

http://www.playinginfog.com/portraits/stuart-murdoch.jpg
http://www.londonbooks.co.uk/images/475/0007173962.jpg

I like it how we've gone six posts without noticing that Shakira has got to #1.

xtina's duff singles are the ones where she has to share the spotlight with someone else - 'lady marmalade' , 'car wash' , 'can't hold us down' and the one with ricky martin. Although her Nelly duet was great because they revelled in each other's filthiness.

Also, did Shakira get to number 1 because of the release of the world cup mix of her song - the one where's it mashed up with the official theme?

Come On Over Baby (All I Want Is You)
Nobody Wants To Be Lonely
Lady Marmalade
Can't Hold Us Down
Car Wash

the duet she did with Enrique (the one not of this parish) is her worst single.

This is absurd. Come On Over Baby is the best xtina single there ever was. Absolute classic.

This is absurd. 'Can't Hold Us Down' is INCREDIBLE and also EMPOWERING to YOUNG WOMEN and also HAS LIL KIM ON IT.

Well done for that though.

It is a terrible example. She should undertake basket knitting, like Clodagh Rodgers.

GOD BLESS THOSE LUCKY PUNTERS

I successfully resisted buying a third copy on Saturday night (.au time) in Erskineville

i have never been north of oxford in this country! (counting scotland as a different country and not counting eg going to birmingham airport)

GTFO.

JvS currently ahead in the midweeks.

Beth Orton is at no87, and no200 this week sold just above 300 copies.

What a good job the charts don't count for anything any more.

Subsequently, he (Kooks feller) was interviewed in NME and described her as great fun and a wild night out.

Go figure.

In the words of Gilbert O'Sullivan, "doesn't it make you sick, mortar and brick?"

well indeed, though my favourite steps songs are 'tragedy' and 'deeper shade of blue'.

i don't think i'm as into steps as a lot of other poptimists - there's something about mixed-gender groups which stops me loving them outright, though obv i am very fond of many of their singles. it was the same for the sclub. still, better them than allen.

except SONIC YOUTH?

BUT you're almost certainly going to hear Lily Allen at Poptimism anyway. And J vs S. And Rogue Traders. And Steps for that matter. And some stuff that you do like too, I'm sure.

There is a sense that 'Smile', decent tho I think it is, is #1 somehow not quote 'on merit'. But since when did that matter? And it's nowhere near as evil as 'I Wish I Was A Prog Rocker...'

But when a genuine talent like Annie is mismarketed and passed over in favour of floozies with tits and connections for short-term gain, then I'd say it matters an awful lot.

it's only a rung or two up the ladder having started from the bottom, but it's something.

Alesha should do a 'mixtape' now.

haha xpost well yeah exactly 'mixtape'.

and it was a decent 'back to mine' mix.

allen is symptomatic of bad trends right now and is thus more irritating - also while i never expected to like tunstall or bailey rae, allen was pitched to me by various people as someone i *should* like, and so it was v disappointing to discover how much her music embodies a lot of what i hate.

"Smile" is about as much fun as a night in Treblinka.

At least Cerys Matthews was a fucking junkie, so you could allow those indiscretions.

Lallen at dinner: "pass the ptarmigan, darling."
(dom xpost)

this is the most infuriating to me of the nature of the hype about her - it fits the "look at this young autonomous-but-sexy woman who writes her own songs which are 'perfect' 'pop' not like all those talentless pop stars in the charts like rachel stevens" meme to a tee. the pipettes fit into that, too. when in fact both are indie as indie can be.

marcello - as, too, is ce'cile! why the hell ce'cile isn't a global star i have no idea - she could be so easily marketed as the female sean paul (market is more than big enough to hold two dancehall-pop stars with witty bons mots about the opposite sex).

xpost

which isn't very many, off of six LPs!

'lose control' was massive but there is this sense that even though missy's not going to stop making great music, she's not the pop culture colossus she used to be. she needs someone to pass the torch to!
-- The Lex (alex.macpherso...), July 5th, 2006.

Here I was thinking that she'd stopped making great music about three years ago.
-- Marcello Carlin (marcellocarli...), July 5th, 2006.

isn't this more about timbaland? missy was always slightly unworthy of her vehicle imo.

not at all.

'lose control' is thankfully light on missy. and vg too.

where did 'work it' chart?

afaic 'Gossip Folks' and 'Lose Control' are just as great and memorable as 'Work It'.

Razorlight up to 3, Paolo Hewitt to 5. Bob Sinclar in at 9, Rogue Traders at 18, Justice vs Simian way behind at 20, Jamie T at 22, Busta Rhymes at 23, and the Pipettes at 26.

Albums: Muse straight in at the top (rightly so), Johnny Cash at 9.

New And Entering: FOR YOU, SHAYNE WARD, ZE POP MUSIC IS OVER or something at #14, Rihanna cries MURDAH at #16, The James Dean Bradfield Experience (wouldn't that have been a much better name?) #18, Dirty & The Pretty Things (I'm on fire, really I am) #20, Gnarls Barkley #23, James Morrison (who could maybe be described as the Paolo Nutini it's OK to like except only half of that is true and it's the Paolo Nutini bit) #27, Nylon (who could maybe be described as mimsy sub-Lene Marlin bollocks - seriously, Marit Larsen's all the rage in Norway and they give us this instead?) #29, Milburn (who could... nah) #32, Rooster #33 (if that's downloads alone I'll be very surprised), and Richard Ashcroft Is The MOR Machine (whoo!) #40.

Albums sees Muse continue to behemoth it up ahead of the Kooks. Thom Tumb is #3. Ray Lamontagne is at #10 with an album that must have been out for at least two years... why has it just started getting the push now? The Absolutely Definitely No Shitting About Best Of Billy Joel is #16, one ahead of Guillemots.

Hark! The lamentation of tin-eared old men!

qft

Did alright for Tommy Steele tho.

nelly furtado
madge
ne*yo
shakira
gnarls barkley
biggie
chico
lily allen
sandi thom
arctic monkeys

(nb i have missed out orson, who the fuck are they? i did not notice them have a no 1!)

(none, so far, as great as the best no 1 of 2005, which was ciara)

i think this is where you've come unstuck.

MP3 to real sale climbers for James Morrison (#27 to #5) and Gnarls (#23 to #10). Red Hot Chili Peppers bring you so much pleasure at #16, and Xtina's comeback single probably won't go '1 next week at #18.

Sean Paul pays homage to some dead people at #22, Chris Brown keeps popping up around these parts for no real reason at #23, and got any hats? Throw them in the air now in celebration, as Snow Patrol are BACK (#25). Frank Fernando #30, and Wolfmother probably add another ten posts onto some ILX thread I'll never read at #31.

Supermode are some dance thing or other #36, Bullet for My Valentine are METALCORE or something at #37, Ray Lamontagne's "Trouble", originally released in 1932 I believe, is at #38, and Klaus Badelt's unappealingly titled "He's A Pirate" is at #40.

Albums? Shit yeah we got albums. Razorshite morelike amirite? hit the #1 spot ahead of Lily Allen Will Now Complain About Razorlight On Her Blog at #2. Rounding off the all new entry top #3 is Paolo Nutini, henceforth referred to as "Please stop making music".

Ali Farka Toure is the only other new entry in the top 40, at #34. Insert your own patronising world music gag here.

67 weeks on the top 40 for "Employment"!!!

New entries - The Similou #20, The Raconteurs #29, Captain may or may not be the new Deacon Blue at #30, The Holloways (you'd be inclined to think they weren't trying, wouldn't you?) #33 and Frank are #40.

ALBUMS - James Morrison's Radox For The Ears is #1. The Puppini Sisters take Doon Mackichan's ball and run with it all the way to #17, and DMX is #22. Even weirder, Stone Sour are #27. This week, the random Greatest Hits generator needle points to Fleetwood Mac at #37. There's only one Jack Johnson album in the top 40 (In Between Dreams, #35), and Employment is at #40 after 69 weeks.

Also, Music Week reports that video downloads are going to be added to the singles chart. How would that affect the chart? Would the pervs have put Paris at #1 this week?

Presumably not much support from Radio1, and with no Smash Hits now which mags are still gonna rep this sort of thing?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/totp/secret_shots/images/20031209_mutya.jpg

The girls debut single I'm Not Shy was released on July 31, 2006 and reached #40 in the UK singles chart. Their debut album Devil's Got Your Gold will be released on August 7, 2006, featuring tracks from the television show including Money In My Pocket, Never Left A Girl, Silence, Don't Wait Up, All I Ever Do, the second series theme tune; Turn It Up, and the first series theme tune; Complicated. As well as new tracks If The Devil's Got Your Gold, Wake Up and Palm Of Your Hand.

The promo album sampler for Frank features 3 tracks, these being I'm Not Shy, Turn It Up and Never Left A Girl.

Frank supported Girls Aloud on their 2006 Chemistry Tour of England and Scotland. The setlist included tracks called I'm Not Shy, Turn It Up and Never Left A Girl.

Girls Aloud and Sugababes would still make the top 20 at least*. How would a new all girl group (that aren't trying to emulate the Pussycat Dolls directly, or 'retro indie' like the seemingly increasingly popular Pipettes) break through now (if not via TV show)?

How do bands get on certain music channels now? Of course a lot of acts and singles given generous coverage on music channels end up outside the top 40 (esp. on Channel U).

*but then 'I'm Not Shy' would sound a bit weak for either of them. Conversely 'Turn It Up' sounds too 'hard' for a single.

let us pass swiftly over xeno's unimpressive record sans girls aloud

i know they've done some great stuff with sugababes, rachel and so on, but the strike rate is less impressive than it is with ver aloud.

I think 'Complicated' is the one that does a similar 'oooh-wee-oooooooh' thing to The Lightning Seeds 'Lucky You'

it sounds like the lightning seeds.

forget it. stop talking about them. AAAARGH

but this took aaaaages to leak thru imo and even now i still don't think of them as particularly distinctive personality-wise (but it doesn't matter cos the songs are often so great). i agree that Frank aren't something to get especially excited about at all but it would still be nice to see them doing better than they are.

oh i completely disagree! even if the personalities of GA took a while to leak through, in terms of knowing their names and knowing what each Girl Aloud's role was, what stuck out about 'sound of the underground' was the collective personality of their 'voice' - it's bold and brassy and brooks no argument, even if you don't know who it belongs to.

mania had personality too, but it was more laidback - take their personality and fuse it with corinne bailey rae's music and then CBR might be some good. they didn't really bother with promoting themselves as a band though did they?

pussycat dolls succeed because they're so relentlessly characterless, and there are so many of them and they're all interchangeable. whereas a characterless solo singer has nowhere to hide, the lack of focus in the pussycat dolls merely reinforces they're sixteen-legged sexrobot strength.

my GOD i love 'buttonz' so much.

there are six, now.

lex, i call bullshit, there totally is a focus: the fit one who does the singing.

basically the more shitty the song, the better.

popism explained.

Because 'I'm Not Shy' does the old 'list days of the week' thing I get reminded of 'Friday I'm In Love' and various other songs. Unlike The Cure though the girls cruelly ignore Thursday whereas Robert Smith had the nous to integrate it successfully.

Also: "Speeding Motorcycle" by Yo La Tengo with Daniel Johnstone on the other line.

formulate!!!

i don't like j-lo, or the PCDs; horses for courses. i like the phone-in bit on 'jus a rascal'.

Except J-Lo is in fact shit and so are her records, with one or two exceptions.

Besides which.

If You Had My Love: shit
Waiting For Tonight: good, but only because it's straight-ahead faceless dance-pop
Feelin' So Good: shit
Let's Get Loud: funny, but also shit
Love Don't Cost A Thing: shit, chorus ripped from "The Boy Is Mine"
Play: shit, song's own writer basically redid it better, also "AUtomatic" by Sarah Whatmore pwns it
Ain't It Funny: Kind of frisky in the original, a complete bland mess in the remix
I'm Real: Hysterical, but not actually good in any meaningful sense
I'm Gonna Be Alright: decent
Jenny From The Block: just awful, a nadir for pop
All I Have: shit
I'm Glad: Can't remember this one. Probably shit, though.
Baby I Love U: See above.
Get Right: Okay, I'll give you that this one is good.
Hold You Down: Shit.
Control Myself: Pretty good, for reasons unrelated to J-Lo herself.

In what universe is this 3/4?

If You Had My Love: shit

wrong, this is awesome, sophisticated and longing

Waiting For Tonight: good, but only because it's straight-ahead faceless dance-pop

ie GOOD

Feelin' So Good: shit
Let's Get Loud: funny, but also shit

agreed

Love Don't Cost A Thing: shit, chorus ripped from "The Boy Is Mine"

self-cannibalisation = the motor which drives pop; 'the boy is mine' is good ergo 'love don't cost a thing' is good, and also FUNNY because in the video when j-lo throws off all the designer jewellery and so on, i imagine her ordering her minions to pick it up the minute the cameras stop rolling

Play: shit, song's own writer basically redid it better, also "AUtomatic" by Sarah Whatmore pwns it

there is no universe in which anything by sarah whatmore, who has zero star quality, pwns anything by mega-diva j-lo. 'play' is graet, anyway. the power of the milian!

Ain't It Funny: Kind of frisky in the original, a complete bland mess in the remix
I'm Real: Hysterical, but not actually good in any meaningful sense
I'm Gonna Be Alright: decent

all of these are one blur of blah to me

Jenny From The Block: just awful, a nadir for pop

omg what are you talking about, this is a PINNACLE of pop! this is incredible! lots of fun to dance to as well

All I Have: shit
I'm Glad: Can't remember this one. Probably shit, though.
Baby I Love U: See above.
Get Right: Okay, I'll give you that this one is good.
Hold You Down: Shit.

agreed

Control Myself: Pretty good, for reasons unrelated to J-Lo herself.

she's great on it though - "cos the afterparty! is at my body! meet me you're invited!"

x-post, I didn't say J-Lo on Control Myself was bad, I just think that it's her co-stars and the production that are the star attractions.

Ed O sounds like an indie-kid when slagging J-Lo!

But re Frank at #40, is it downloads only or not? If so that's not bad rly.

Ed O sounds like an indie-kid when slagging J-Lo!

fixed

xpost

indie kids like boring music and CARE about a tune tho.

(Dom xpost)

but what about that song where she insists 'I'm Real'?

But as I said, my favourite is "Waiting For Tonight", which she's completley blank on, she doesn't try, she's just singing a pretty good song, BEHOLD IT IS THE RACHEL STEVENS EFFECT (not really).

x-post, indie kids claim to care about tunes but the bands don't write any, amirite.

I didn't realise ja rule had any credibility, even amongst indie kids. It'd have to be "Get Right" for Rich Harrison credibility.

The beat was stolen, apparently without permission, from "Watch Out Now" by The Beatnuts. Their lyrics imply they're not too keen on J-Lo's unique brand of braggadacio R&B. The Beatnuts: indie or pop?

I prefer Lex's take on J-Lo to edward's FWIW.

Below that, Michael Gray kind of puts Alisha's Attic back in the charts as his collaboration with Shelly Poole gets to #12, The View's 'Wasted Little DJ's' is a handy pointer as to why people are getting excited about The Horrors instead at #15, 'Horny As A Dandy' would probably come somewhere near the bottom of a list of Most Requested Mash-Ups Of All Time but is somehow at #17, and Chamillionaire's US chart-topping success translates to #19 in British money. According to Radio 1, The Similou are a new entry for a second week running at #21. Hmm. Your probable big climber next week is Cassie, who's this week's #23. Orson's bandwagon continues to roll at #27, and, by the power of L'Oreal and Citroen, Oxford electro-bods The Egg get into the top 40 as David Guetta co-opts them all the way to #28. Tom Novy is #31 because he may as well be, and Victoria Bergsman's career post-Concretes begins with her first chart appearance, guesting on Peter, Bjorn and John's nowhere-near-as-good-as-its-intro-would-suggest 'Young Folks' at #35. P!ATD #39, PRML SCRM #40.

In the albums, James Morrison gets a second week as Britain's Most Popular Stubble-Chinned Man. Orson climb from 12 to 4 which, in a world where 'Hips Don't Lie' is set to be one of the year's biggest-selling singles, is probably fair enough. Chamillionaire is new at 33, Pink Floyd's Pulse is 34.

Oh, and Employment has finally left the top 40.

Slightly lower down, Alesha From Mis-Teeq's solo career kicks off at #14, Ronan Keating 'does' the Goo-Goo Dolls at #15, and Maria Off X-Factor makes a respectable showing at #20. Respectable enough to get her a second single? Well...

Into DOWNLOAD-ONLY territory, as 'Deja Vu' looks to be replicating its US struggle by kicking off at #21. Chico has covered 'D.I.S.C.O.' and got it to #24. I think that's with physicals thrown in. I hope that's with physicals thrown in. The perplexingly critically lauded Young Knives make it to #35, and The Sunshine Underground make like The Music never happened at #39.

Stinaaggulerra is the first act to top the charts with a double album since, er, Muse earlier this year. I think. Yr token not-entirely-necessary compilation is The Mamas & The Papas at #21, two places ahead of Captain, who appear to have fans, somehow. Lambchop are #43.

All hail Bonnie Prince Predicto: Beyonce strolls to number 1, inevitably. There is some minor pushing and shoving elsewhere in the top ten, net results being Snow Patrol climbing to #7 with Rogue Traders at #9.

Next highest new entry is Matt Willis, who makes #11, possibly letting him get his album out or maybe have a third single. One of the two. 'SexyBack' is #13 on downloads alone, which presumably results in next week's #1, thus possibly making it the new 'Slow'. Maybe. A Morrissey Single is #17, and Keane are #20. Wouldn't it be lovely if that were on combined sales?

Then we have Orrico #22 (downloads, I think), Yorke #23 (combined), Feeling #24 (fussed). Downloads only for Pink at #28, but hopefully not for Lazy-B's "Everybody's Free To Wear Underwear" at #30. Pharrell and Kanye #31, Fratellis #35, and Missy Elliott is #38 with 'We Run This', which was a single in the US months ago now, and which she is presumably using to plug her Greatest Hits album. Which seems a bit odd, somehow.

Albums: Snow Patrol are #1, because. Idlewild debuts at #16, The Young Knives CHANGE EVERYTHING at #21, Slayer are #23, ULTIMATE PRINCE (with accompanying 50ft laser-sword) #24, something which people are perfectly free to discuss elsewhere #29, and Seth Lakeman is #32, possibly becoming the first token folk artist from a Mercury Music Prize list to go top 40... ever, perhaps? Unless we're including Beth Orton, which we probably shouldn't.

Keane are on combined sales. It was at 65 last week. Looks like the backlash against alcoholics has began. The return of Stacie 'can't fake orgasms' Orrico is also charting on combined sales. It was 79 last week.

Others reaping the benefits of CD sales are Pink (#11), The Feeling (#12) and Sandi Thom, whose second single gets stuck at #22 having been #73 on downloads last week. Still, that's better than Basement Jaxx manage - 'Hush Boy' is #27, having failed to crack the top 75 on downloads last week.

'Promiscuous' is #15 on downloads alone, btw.

Little Man Tate get their second top 40 hit (no, really) at #29, ahead of the download sales of 'Rudebox' (#30), A Muse Single That Isn't 'Knights Of Cydonia' (#38) and Honey, Lemar's Home! (#41) DL's also (presumably) put Fedde Le Grand #53, Kelis #64 (ow) and poor old 'Morris Brown' #70 (owwwwww).

In the land of the long-player, Kasabian are king, with Dylan at #3 (KASABIAN'S Tom Meighan last night launched a sensational attack on Bob Dylan, claiming the rock legend is "short" and mocking his inability to grow a proper moustache) and Maiden at #4 (KASABIAN'S Tom Meighan last night launched a sensational attack on Iron Maiden, describing the rock legends as "old" and "crap"). Yr only other entry in the top 40 is Cassie's self-titled album at #33.

'BAW-SAY' is #22, Supafly Inc. are #23, 'London Bridge' debuts at #25 on downloads, with Jamelia three places behind. Jealousy's 'Lucy' is YOUR #30. Lorenz's 'Set Me Free' (me neither) is #35, one ahead of The Rapture, who are possibly paying the price for apparently begetting The Sunshine Underground, or something.

As for the £7.99 At Tesco chart, Snow Patrol switch with Kasabian at the top, with Beyonce the highest new entry at #3. The Freddie Mercury Solo Best Of is #6, and The Missy Elliott Solo Best Of is #7. Audioslave are #12, Basement Jaxx are #16, and The Sound Of Bread is #18. Finally, at #37, Coles Corner makes its long awaited top 40 debut, and a couple of tears form in the corners of my eyes. (The self-same 'Mercuries effect' propels the Arctic Monkeys album up a whopping ONE place, from #25 to #26, between Shakira and Ray LaMontagne. It's a painful business)

i'm thinking it's quite uncommon for one producer to have two in the top 5 in any week too. has it happened with anyone else recently? (go as far back as you want for previous example). and is 'Sexyback' Tim's fastest single ever?

my "worst" opinion confirmed by those two examples.

i am curious as to when marcello stopped liking hott dancefloor beatz as i remember he used to do very much.

ed o does exactly the same thing as me, the whole "i don't like it ERGO it is indie" thing, except we don't do it about the same songs too often. and i am right.

indeed?

i didn't really expect you'd like it! it's not tuneful and melodic and gleeful, it's dark and mangled and very weird.

am thinking on't.

(Take out the bit about hipsters and indie kids and your single goes in at Number 4 like "Rudebox". But "Rudebox" is a much better record.)

i like 'rudebox' too, but in a different way.

I believe that Messrs Gaudio and Crewe will be wanting a word with the Scissor Sisters about the opening piano chords on their less-than-scintillating chart topper.

1) the vocals! they're treated and mangled in a very effective way, jt's voice is right down in the mix and the words are barely audible but this just makes it sound like a caged animal - this is amplified on the bridge when he starts holding more notes for longer, but the distortion doesn't die down. it all magnifies the general effect of JUSTIN = RAW SEXXX.
2) the chorus isn't very chorus-like (ed is right about this) - in fact the bridge is the real 'chorus' as in catchiest, most tuneful bit of the song. but 'sexyback's regimented structure (constantly kept in line by timba barking "take it to the bridge!" and so on) isn't a POP/ROCK regimented structure but a DANCE one - ie it sounds broadly the same throughout with individual peaks coming out in different ways than trad verse/chorus relationship, and it doesn't really have to end, ever (and of course the relentless 4/4 pulse!)
3) "them other fuckers don't know how to act" oh justin i love you

Also, why did people go ga-ga over "Sexyback" but thought "Me Against The Music" was shit?

1) Maybe. I'll concede this is a taste thing. I don't hear any inherent charisma in Justin. I find him annoying. See Ned's posts on this. "Cry Me A River" was a great song that he overdid (MEMO TO JT: Don't underline your points, just MAKE THEM). This is a bad song that he's underdone.
2) Songs with no choruses can be good. But using a dance structure in such an undanceable song just makes it B-O-R-I-N-G. Really, how are you supposed to dance to that. I'm sure you would all dance to Timbaland's production on "Word Up" by Scary Spice too.
3) Oh come on, that bit's just awful.

'Sexyback' is ultimately frustrating for me cos i feel they could've done more with it. I like his 'YEH!' tho and the 'woo-hoo' beats KT Tunstall. Robbie should've done his 'Rudebox' rap through a vocoder if he wants to go electro so much.

love the Rishi Rich mix of the latter but hate Madonna on the track SO MUCH.

i think justin is very charismatic! i mean, obviously i think he is fucking hott but then i wouldn't fancy him so much if he didn't have charisma. i mean, of all the big popstars i think he's the most successful at conveying a persona which is convincing and coherent and attractive (better than beyoncé and britney, for two, possibly not as good as kelis, on a par with xtina). and i can and have danced v well to 'sexyback': it's all about little jerky foot/hip movements.

more like 102. "Coles Corner" (the album) entered at 55 though, 1 year ago this week.

first verse "them other boys", second verse "them other fuckers" or "them motherfuckers", third verse he swears but can't make out the whole line

"I'll let you whip me if I misbehave" is better than "themotherfuckers don't know how to act" IMO.

this is very much correct actually. that's a great thing about the whole album, the ease with which justin switches from active sexual predator to passive sexual object

this is a non-issue. but obv because madonna was shit.

Yes, but he's got no songwriting nous. Nelly Furtado does. Missy Elliott does. Bubba Sparxxx does. Which is why "Maneater" is a brilliant pop record that is brilliant to dance to and inventive and amazing in nearly every way, and "Sexyback" is just weird, a collection of a not-bad bit here and there and a lot of lame sexual predator posturing. Maybe he is a screamer, as the A List and Popbitch have been saying.

"Maneater" is a terrible pop record.

'maneater' is terrific! i like 'no hay igual' better though.

"Maneater" by Hall and Oates is terrific, I'll give you that.

i wish he would shave, though

they aren't GREAT, but they increase the gaiety of nations.

It's an unchanged 1-2 this week, as the Scissor Sisters lose anything that made them remotely interesting at #1, and "Sexyback" is still at #2, in a move that's made Charlie Brooker so mad he can't even focus on writing a second hilarious series of Spoons. Piss-Soaked Skank's physicals only take "London Bridge" to #3, and Nelly Furtado, sans big dog, are #4.

Next week's #1 is at five, as The Killers are there with "When You Were Young" on downloads alone. Lex will be along in 5 or 10 posts to speak about this we imagine. Jamelia can only manage a #10 with "IRL" sales as well.

Daniel O'Donnell demands a jumper baked into a cake at #20, whilst the Lostprophets underperform at #23. But then again, they've had a #1 album. What have you done?

Cheeky chirpy backpack futurist and all-round irritant Lupe Fiasco is at #25(physicals) , and Embrace, who invented football, are at #29 (p). Does that guy still write books?

Cherish featuring Sean Paul no not that Sean Paul are at #30 (p), and innovative genre-boundary smashing indie band Larrikin Love get to #32 (p). Gillian Mots' "Trains to Brazil" conspires to make this the year's most Southall-friendly top 40 at #36, and for those of you who were worried that Get Cape. Wear Cape. Fly had a couple of nice singles prior to "The Chronicles Of A Bohemian Teenager" (#38, p), don't worry the album's shit so you can get back to hating him for his name.

ALBUMS. Justin Timberlake is your new number one, which has made Charlie Brooker so mad he can't the tapes of the episodes of The 11 O'Clock Show that he wrote for. The Fratellis are bringing sexless back at #2, and Lemar just wants to love you girl at #3.

Those of you who say Def Jam is over as a hip-hop label are proved FOOLS, as hot upcoming Bay Area MC Lionel Richie scores them a number 28 SMASH, one whole place ahead of Diane Krall, who can have a joint celebration at a top 40 album and getting impregnated by a racist this week. Best of Adam and the Ants is #39. Make your own "stealing a Teletubby doll" gag here. Odds on our Adam being on next year;s Celeb Big Brother?

the fratellis are ghastly.

i'm shocked that i haven't heard the new killers as they bring out the indie past in my rave crew, who all love them. but i am glad that i haven't heard it! it must be terrible.

That said, I dread a whole album.

oh and Lex it was the SebastiAn mix of 'Bossy' that is awesome, not the Switch one.

It isn't indie it sounds like Meatloaf!

And the Switch mix of Bossy is better than the SebastiAn one. Why are me and Vahid the only people to like Switch?

I almost wrote Metaloaf.

The Killers single is pretty woeful, especially after words like "Meatloaf" and "Springsteen" got my hopes up. What's happened to his voice???

Meatloaf IS indie. BOY. GUITAR. WORK IT OUT.

"Bat out of Hell" Meatloaf = hack singer plus producer-who-does-all-the-music therefore R&B at it's most generic and therefore BEST!

If 'It's Not That Easy' is actually a new entry at 12, as Radio 1 is claiming, I will eat my face. Assuming 'Chelsea Dagger' still being around at #14 doesn't push me to it first. Downloads propel Janet & Nelly to #18 and, pleasingly (cos I think he sounds a bit like Ari Up), Lil' Chris to #19, ahead of Pus y Catdolls (#21), 'I Remember When Angry Anderson Was Young' (#23), The Third The Zutons Single From The Second The Zutons Album (#24), The Third The Automatic Single From The First The Automatic Album (#25), THE MOST VILE AND HATEFUL AND NOXIOUS AND BAD POISON TO HAVE EVER BEEN VISITED ON THIS COUNTRY (#27), Amy Lee Knows What You Did Last Summer (And She Won't Stop Banging On About It) (#32), and, er, Chanel (#39). Annoyingly, Bedouin Soundclash are #33. Bloody students.

Long-play-a-go-go: In a massive upset, Ta-Dah is yr number one, with Elton John at #6 O THE IRONY. DJ Shadow #24, Get Cape Wear Cape Fly #26, Fergie #27, The Rapture #40. Bloody students.

Thanks, I was wondering which track that was, that I heard on the rad the other day.

At #1 for the third or fourth week, I forget, are the Scissor Sisters with "I Don't Feel Like Dancing". I don't feel like dancing either, what with my neck liable to snap like a Pez dispenser at any given moment and that whole "inability to lift my arm above shoulder level" thing. Still, I'd like to see Jake Shears get four snowflakes out of Calloway in this day and age.

The Killers (like me, I'm a killer with suplexes, ankle locks, and spousal abuse!) are still at #2, and Lil Chris is at #3 with "Checkin' It Out", as you're all no doubt "Checkin'" out Youtube to see my triumphant, unable to walk properly due to tendon damage, return to pro wrestling with TNA. Evanescence are at #4 with "Call Me When You're Sober", and I'd certainly like to make Amy Lee "tap out", amirite fellas? Eh? Eh?

Lily Allen is riding through the city on her bicycle at #6, as opposed to my usual mode of transportation these days: ambulances, with a proposed move to hearses by the end of 2007. The Pussycat Dolls "Don't Need A Man" at #7, and that's kind of funny because back in the 60s a "Man" was a slang term for a drug dealer, and I'm fucked out of my head on illegal painkillers and steroids that I don't have anything approaching a prescription for. Did I mention that I was told by doctors to give up wrestling three years ago or face certain paralysis? Three years!

The Cast of the High School Musical are "Breaking Free" at #9, kinda like I broke free from the WWE and Vince McMahon's evil tyrannical demands that I take a few days off wrestling in case my arm falls off in the ring, or that I go and do something stupid like, I dunno, spend an afternoon playing with my son. You're not gonna put on workrate classics with a game of pigskin tossing in the park Vinnie!

Razorlight are #15 on downloads only with "America", the country I won a gold medal for WITH A BROKEN NECK. Only Johnny Borrell understands my true pain. Chip shop propreitor Paolo Nutini is at #20, but when has he ever been on the cover of a Wheaties box? Answer: never.

At #21 Bob Sinclar releases what seems like being his 22nd single of the year so far. Imagine being so engrossed in your work you kept on and on and on and on at it, not worrying about it's quality or the effects it was having on your body? Bob Sinclar isn't a junkie though, so he's better than me. The Streets are featuring Pete Doherty (no, not the 1980s jobber, silly) at #25, and I have nothing in common with the Babyshambles frontman whatsoever.

Chris Lake ft Laura V are at #27 with "Changes", kinda like the changes I've made to TNA with my SHOCKING DEFECTION FROM THE WWE. It's the biggest news story since the Berlin Wall came down, and you can read all about it on Spike TV, Thursdays, 9pm. Diddy's downloads only as well at #30 with "Come To Me". Remember that match I had with Spike Dudley in early 2002? That was a good match, I think.

James Dean Bradfield is at #31 with "An English Gentleman" (specifically "Dynamite Kid" Tom Billington or "The Matchstick Man" Johnny Owen), Bedouin Soundclash return with some stuff they've already done, like all great sportsmen do, at #33, Dirty Pretty Things (like my urine sample) are #34, and Letoya is "Torn", like every fucking muscle in my body, at #35.

OK Go do the hilarious dance at #36 that I could do if only I had anything above 12% mobility, and Us5 are at #38. No jokes.

Razorlight are #1. David Hasselhoff is #3. P Diddy & Nicole Scherzinger are #4. Bob Sinclar is #5. The Belle & Sebastian lyric you are looking for is "I'm feeling sick, fuck this."

But anyway! MCR debut at #23 on downloads before unleashing a wave of filth-depraved pestilence, or whatever it is they do, on the top ten (probably top 3) next week. Bedouin Soundclash appear to have climbed to #24. Hopefully that'll be that for them. Other than that, Nerina Pallot is #32, and Trivium are #40.

Albums - Killers beat Evanescence by a nose for the top spot. Daniel O'Donnell is the loveliest #10, while Jet underperform quite wildly at #13. Lionel Richie is apparently a re-entry at #15. Marti Pellow has a solo album out, making me even more glad that it has been some time since I last watched Loose Women, and it's at 27. KT Tunstall is keeping music live and woolly at 32, ahead of some best of Rod Stewart at 33, a re-entry for Evanescence's debut at 35, and the best of Sarah Brightman's classical period at 38.

take that - patience
robbie - lovelight
all saints - rock steady

November 6th:

Action Play – He / Blood Brothers
All Saints – Rock Steady
Charlatans – You’re So Pretty
Hilary Duff – Play With Fire
Madonna – Jump
Murder By Death – Boy Decide
Outwork – Elektro
Sugababes – Easy
Take That – Patience
Title – Slippin’ & Slidin’

November 13th:

Bonny Billy – Cold And Wet
Shania Twain – Don’t Shoot The Messenger

'jump' is AMAZING.

i need to hear the hilarity single.

"Easy" is off the G Hits album I suppose.

It all could be much worse.

"I get the pressures of life through lack of Patience"....

?

(or next week, anyway?)

who gives a shit about how 'shook' the nme is? god i'm so glad i don't care about rock crit politics.

i have no idea what definition you are referring to!

i guess emo also fits into the boyband tradition of its members being pig-ugly as well.

boybands are traditionally a lot more sincere (ie their sincerity being overtly signified regardless of realness) than girlgroups aren't they?

There's still a lot of aggro towards emo from teenage boys though, D&D playing metalheads bottling P!ATD off at Reading, NME doing the "BAN THIS EYELINER PERV SCUM" schtick, etc. But yeah, at least there's an inroad into emo for teenage boys that there wasn't in Take That unless you were gay or 11.

girl group fun is heavily tied into vague feminism - the mild rebellion of a girl gang having fun together with no need for boys. there isn't really a boy equivalent.

the key is that SOME teenage boys will love the emo whereas NO teenage boys would have loved take that.

"BAN THIS EYELINER PERV SCUM"

omg i agree with the nme about something :o

So, consider.

Surprisingly high on the downloads is Jamie T at #13, with Beyonce's 'I Have Been Compiling A List Of Receipts And I Will Beat Your Ass' similarly positioned at #14. Amy Winehouse gets her first top 40 hit at #19, meaning her and Lily Allen can start slagging each other off now, which is nice. Pet Shop Boys get to #23 with 'Numb', The Holloways spearhead the New Wave Of New Mockney Shite at #30, Rogue Traders may or may not be download-fuelled at #33, Cassie probably is at #38, and The Goo Goo Dolls have some new song at #39 in a double A-side with bloody 'Iris', possibly to capitalise on the popularity of the Ronan Keating version, which is possibly the saddest thing to have happened to music this year apart from Sandi Thom.

Bodyrox ft. Luciana look set fair for next week's #2 as 'Yeah Yeah' is downloaded to #11, Cassie's physicals propel 'Long Way 2 Go' to #12, The View get their second #15 single of the year (except I think this might be downloads alone this time), The Magic Numbers get to #16 with a suitably polite amount of fuss, and Rihanna's 'We Ride' is a suitably snoozesome #17. The Kooks should fuck off now that 'Oourgh Laurgh' has peaked at #20, but you know they bloody won't. Reissue of 'Sofa Song' ahoy! Probably. The Raconteurs are #22, apparently, and The Long Blondes are perhaps not entirely performing as they might have hoped at #30. How fat is Dane Bowers? THIS FAT (#35), and The Cooper Temple Clause are the Hope Of The States that are still together at #36.

In the albums, The Brandon Flowers Pops fall from one to five behind FOUR CONSECUTIVE NEW ENTRIES, as short heads and necks separate Robbie Williams from MCR from Meat Loaf from Rod Stewart. In the same way that Sheffield United are a Premiership club, John Legend is #10. At #16, The Ordinary Boys enter their 'fame' period, and A Meat Loaf Best Of is #23. Oh, and Lemar's album climbs from 30 to 17. When asked for his opinion, KASABIAN'S TOM MEIGHAN launched into a STARTLING impression of Worzel Gummidge.

"Wes returning" was one of them. (hey, they read it out anyway and didn't giggle. Maybe it's a fearrrrrrr!!)

Fedde Le Grand becomes the first faceless Dutch chart-topper in, ooh, years, as Put Your Hands Up For Detroit ascends to the top spot from last week's #2. Bodyrox ft. Her From Portabella slot in right behind, and th'Aloud hold onto #3. Beyonce and MCR switch spots at 4 & 5, with U2 & Green Day taking The Skids to #6. Presumably this will climb next week, probably to #1. Winehouse stays at 7, Razorlight fall to 8, and, completely against the run of play, a McFly single doesn't sell that well in its second week - 'Star Girl' slides from #1 to #9. Oh, and Bob Sinclar's #10.

Below that, there's a quite literally proverbial slew of new entries. All Saints come all the way back to #11, though I think their physical single is out Monday, with Simon Webbe at 12 and Depeche Mode at 13. 17-19 sees new entries from Babyshambles, Jamiroquai and Keane, which ought to scare the kids away from the hard stuff for a while yet. Damon Albarn Knows Him Off The 'London Calling' Sleeve at #22, Tenacious D oh dear god why #24, PANTS!¬ are #25 (presuming the physicals are out next week for that one), with The Game at #26. And, weirdly, your final set of newbies are in a clod of three too - Klaxons #29, Sugababes #30 (given how often that's been on The Hits lately, you'd imagine it'll climb next week) and Sean Paul ft. Keyshia Cole #31.

Albums - GIRLS ALOUD HAVE A #1 ALBUM! For possibly the first time ever! The Sound Of Girls Aloud deposes I Am Robbie Williams And I Have Got Mad Skilliamz after a week, with Amy Winehouse debuting at #3. The Who are #9, The Crazy World Of Madeleine Peyroux #12, Tony Bennett As Seen On The Hit ITV Show X-FACTOR #15, An Aerosmith Best Of #19, ANOTHER FUCKING MICHAEL BALL ALBUM #22, Deftones #33, and Absolutely Definitively Timelessly Best Of Smokey Robinson #39.

Anyway, new number one time as Knobby Titslinger's good personal friends, Westlife, have the 13th chart topper of their career (13 times as many as Foreigner) with The Rose. THE TWO BIGGEST BANDS IN THE WORLD BAH GAWD, on the other hand, can only get "The Saints Are Coming" to #2, so pwnd. All Saints are back and rubbish at #3. I'm sure that Observer Women's Monthly shoot accounts for at least 30% of those sales.

Sugababes jump from 30 to #8 with their physicals for "Easy", whilst Madonna blah blah old blah blah horse blah blah Cockney husband is at #9. I could write for Star Stories with incisive comic wit like that. Except I couldn't because I'm aware of some things that have actually happened in the past eight years.

Downloads only for Akon (#12) and Timberlake (#14), and George Michael + One Sugababe = #15. I think you may be able to do a quadratic equation if you link that to "Easy".

Kasabain declare #17 "a load of rubbish, it's just a number innit, people don't want numbers these days they want words like lyrics in a song, innit?". Nothing good has ever come from Leicester. Infernal have a jig about with some dead lesbian's corpse as "Self Control" is your #18.

Paul Fucking Weller (#22), Robbie Williams downloads only (#28), and Taio Cruz (#29). Cruz has just taken a pause from being best man at his friend's wedding to do a quick line, look:

http://ec1.images-amazon.com/images/P/B000JFXTF4.01._SS500_SCLZZZZZZZ_V38722756_.jpg

Fuck that Amazon whitespace.

Everything Xtina loves goes away in the end, as Hurt bombs at #33, downloads only for America's sweethearts Snow Patrol (#37), and the Pigeon Detectives certainly have a wacky name at #39. Do you think they might sound a bit like Milburn from that name? Do you?

Long-players:

SEVEN NEW ENTIRES in the top 10. In order of how much I want to hear them:

Cliff Richard duets album (#8)
McFly are back (#6)
Angelis = Il Divo plus boobies (#2)
"Virtual Insanity" was OK i suppose (#1)
Forces Sweetmeal Katherine Jenkins (#5)
Damien "fucking" Rice (#4)
Paul Weller actually calls an album "Hit Parade" (#7)

There's not enough room for the Magic Numbers in the top 10 (lol fatteys) so they're #11, Abba's #1s collection is at #15 for the, what, six gay first years who don't have "Gold" already, Moby's best of officially less popular than everything else so far (#23), and The Charlatans best-of is a triumphant #38. 37 weeks on the top 40 for The Kooks.

Is there anything coming out this week which could knock them off?

(ps All Angels fits the "Il Divo + boobies" description better innit)