rank these bill maher "new rule" bits from unfunniest to least unfunny

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New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain? Trout?

New Rule: Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: lucky bastards.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket — water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop f***ing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy.

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

New Rule: Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the US Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They're already doing that. It's called "The Howard Stern Show."

New Rule: I don't need a bigger mega M&M. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.

New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.

New Rule: No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

New Rule: and this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell if he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. don't want to be on your webcam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

― $!@$!$!, Friday, 13 January 2006 15:16 (twenty years ago)

New rule: post in ILE instead of ILM?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:18 (twenty years ago)

way to go, genius.

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:19 (twenty years ago)

You kid the $!@$!$!.

― Andy_K (Andy_K), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:21 (twenty years ago)

new rule - yall kiss my nutsack

― $!@$!!$, Friday, 13 January 2006 15:22 (twenty years ago)

Problem move thread:
Insufficient Privileges

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:24 (twenty years ago)

Some are way obvious, but most are a bit funny at least.

― mark grout (mark grout), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:29 (twenty years ago)

its funny if you imagine Alan Partridge saying them

― Hairy Asshurt (Toaster), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:32 (twenty years ago)

The first one on your list is one of the funniest and some of the ones toward the end suck, so your list needs work if it's from unfunniest to least unfunny.

― List Compiler, Friday, 13 January 2006 15:33 (twenty years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0439548888.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:36 (twenty years ago)

New Rule: We already have Andy Rooney for this shit.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:50 (twenty years ago)

Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.

Haw.

― Dan (Not Quite A ROFFLE) Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:56 (twenty years ago)

this one is funny cuz it's true! :

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:58 (twenty years ago)

What is it, 1994 up in here?

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:59 (twenty years ago)

this is funny too, cuz i hate doing math:

New Rule: When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to know in months. "27 Months." "He's two," will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:59 (twenty years ago)

My favourite Bill Maher moment was when he played the shirtless hunk on an episode of Murder, She Wrote.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 13 January 2006 16:00 (twenty years ago)

huk, i'll have you know that starbucks routine is from 1998!

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 13 January 2006 16:00 (twenty years ago)

I expected this to be one of those things you see on Snopes that's misattributed to George Carlin and eventually starts bitching about "welfare freeloaders" and "the PC police".

― disco violence (disco violence), Friday, 13 January 2006 16:18 (twenty years ago)

What the fuck happened in the 80s that Bill Maher could play a shirtless hunk?!?!?

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 13 January 2006 16:25 (twenty years ago)

He was in House II: The Second Story!

― kingfish kuribo's shoe (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 13 January 2006 16:30 (twenty years ago)

It was Murder, She Wrote, up for the role of "Shirtless Hunk" were Bill Maher and Tom Poston.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 13 January 2006 16:34 (twenty years ago)

What about the Simon from Simon & Simon that wasn't married to Delta Burke?

― David R. (popshots75`), Friday, 13 January 2006 18:11 (twenty years ago)

Owned a shirt that week.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 13 January 2006 18:12 (twenty years ago)

i dunno why i'm still amazed at what a dick this guy is.

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 13 January 2006 18:17 (twenty years ago)

the starbucks thing is SORTA true, but that's just because when i order i like to make life easier for the person waiting on me. and to be honest, i don't really care how other people order as long as they're not holding up the line.

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 13 January 2006 18:19 (twenty years ago)

"Murder, She Wrote" playing "Frank Albertson" in episode: "Good-Bye Charlie" (episode # 6.12) 7 January 1990
"Murder, She Wrote" playing "Rick Rivers" in episode: "Fire Burn, Cauldron Bubble" (episode # 5.13) 19 February 1989

I don't know which one was the Shirtless Hunk episode, but let me say that I now refuse to blindly flip to A&E.

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 13 January 2006 18:22 (twenty years ago)

ihttp://suprmchaos.com/bill-maher1_062702.jpg

― deej.. (deej..), Friday, 13 January 2006 18:23 (twenty years ago)

Wait, he played different characters in episodes that aired only a year apart?

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 13 January 2006 18:24 (twenty years ago)

http://archives.thedaily.washington.edu/2000/102700/N2.bill.maher..jpg

― deej.. (deej..), Friday, 13 January 2006 18:25 (twenty years ago)

http://www.geocities.com/pifanclub/about_bill.html

― deej.. (deej..), Friday, 13 January 2006 18:29 (twenty years ago)

http://community-2.webtv.net/@HH!12!C4!2E74FC3460F1/carlsperr/CarlSperrsMurderShe/scrapbookFiles/mailedD49.jpg

― Huk-L (Huk-L), Friday, 13 January 2006 18:37 (twenty years ago)

don't forget his great starring role in De Palma's Body Double, under the name Craig Wasson.

― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Friday, 13 January 2006 19:05 (twenty years ago)

These seem even too bad and obvious for Bill Maher, which is maybe saying something. The only one that even approached triggering any sort of humor response was the M&M one.

― nabisco (nabisco), Friday, 13 January 2006 19:39 (twenty years ago)

ILX hate of Bill Maher has always been totally beyond me. Other than stupid bits like this, his show(s) have always been very, very funny and well thought out. He has interesting guests and if he is a bit obnoxious he makes very good points very very often.

― Fuilty!, Friday, 13 January 2006 20:11 (twenty years ago)

I'm just tired of the whole "I'm an angry white male who claims to speak the truth but is secretly shared shitless by the fact that I'm no longer the dominant species" thing. Comedians, please find a new schtick.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 13 January 2006 20:18 (twenty years ago)

OTM

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 13 January 2006 20:45 (twenty years ago)

there's just no room for any sort of complexity or vulnerability in maher's world.

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 13 January 2006 20:51 (twenty years ago)

A few of these are funny. Isn't almost every stand-up comic pretty much an asshole? Sorta comes with the territory.

― Mark (MarkR), Friday, 13 January 2006 20:52 (twenty years ago)

depends on the style of comedy. there are a lot of stand-up comedians who aren't confrontational in that way.

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 13 January 2006 21:01 (twenty years ago)

"New Rule"

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Friday, 13 January 2006 21:07 (twenty years ago)

Well, Jerry Seinfeld isn't confrontational but he still seems like an asshole.

― Mark (MarkR), Friday, 13 January 2006 21:08 (twenty years ago)

What about comedians who devolve into crusty assholedom?

e.g. George Carlin

― kingfish kuribo's shoe (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 13 January 2006 21:21 (twenty years ago)

Well, Jerry Seinfeld isn't confrontational but he still seems like an asshole.

"am i RIGHT??"

"i mean WHAT is the DEAL with THAT"

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 13 January 2006 21:27 (twenty years ago)

"am i RIGHT??"

Jerry Seinfeld = Dom Passantino?

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 13 January 2006 21:34 (twenty years ago)

"New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie."

that one's pretty OTM, actually

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 13 January 2006 21:45 (twenty years ago)

"I'm just tired of the whole "I'm an angry white male who claims to speak the truth but is secretly shared shitless by the fact that I'm no longer the dominant species" thing. Comedians, please find a new schtick." no fucking kidding. and the less he gets away with the overt racism, the more desperately he clings to sexism. plus, it looks like his skin's been living in a darkened basement for 50+ years. i can't imagine who he gets to #$%& him. actually, i can.

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Friday, 13 January 2006 21:46 (twenty years ago)

"Here's Your Sign" was much more clever.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Friday, 13 January 2006 21:59 (twenty years ago)

secretly shared shitless

*scared* shitless, even. Note to self: get one typing tutor.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 13 January 2006 22:04 (twenty years ago)

"New Rule: If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens.

who's "we"? if you think the movie's going to be crap, don't see it!

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 13 January 2006 22:07 (twenty years ago)

most of his complaints sound like "woe is me, _____ is interfering with my life of privilege."

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 13 January 2006 22:09 (twenty years ago)

Jody OTM about the movie one. Also, that complaint sounds really dated, like from the early to mid-90s era of Brady Bunch/Dennis the Menace/Car 54, Where Are You? remakes.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 13 January 2006 22:13 (twenty years ago)

Um, isn't the whole New Rule bit jacked from Bill Hicks, anyway?

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 13 January 2006 22:19 (twenty years ago)

Also, that complaint sounds really dated, like from the early to mid-90s era of Brady Bunch/Dennis the Menace/Car 54, Where Are You? remakes.

Except just these last couple years we've had/are gonna have Dukes of Hazzard, The Honeymooners, Fat Albert and Miami Vice.* Maybe it is Hollywood that is the dated.

*actually Michael Mann skews watchable so hey

― disco violence (disco violence), Friday, 13 January 2006 22:35 (twenty years ago)

Who's on the soundtrack for the new MV flick anyway? Moby remixing Hammer?

― kingfish kuribo's shoe (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 13 January 2006 22:37 (twenty years ago)

michael mann is one of my favorite mainstream directors -- i'm really looking forward to miami vice.

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 13 January 2006 22:37 (twenty years ago)

"Except just these last couple years we've had/are gonna have Dukes of Hazzard, The Honeymooners, Fat Albert and Miami Vice"

and Bewitched

― LeRooLeRoo (Seb), Friday, 13 January 2006 22:41 (twenty years ago)

That's projecting an awful lot, don't you think? I don't see claims on Maher's part that reaffirm his own caucasian identity beyond the fact that yes, he's a white guy who exists and says things. Although the scary fact that this claim could be made against Bill Maher of all people, and be met with even a small chorus "right ons" indicates how genuinely "dangerous/politically incorrect" it would be if he acknowledged race in any way.

― theodore (herbert hebert), Friday, 13 January 2006 23:02 (twenty years ago)

Moby remixing Hammer?

Yes, except it's MC Hammer, not Jan Hammer.

― jaymc (jaymc), Friday, 13 January 2006 23:02 (twenty years ago)

Sorry for the confusion
My post above was in reference to this point from upthread, quoted below, but it accidentally got erased.

― theodore (herbert hebert), Friday, 13 January 2006 23:05 (twenty years ago)

Actually, and if anything, defining one's identity in opposition to the Dominating Spectre of White Guys is the more overutilized schtick in comic identity today.

― theodore (herbert hebert), Friday, 13 January 2006 23:13 (twenty years ago)

yay dan on the wasson/maher dopplegangocity, i thought i was the only one who saw it ... i feel like there's a third dude sharing the shtick too, but escapes me right now. meanwhile, this

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0094834/

is the seminal maher movie ...

― literalisp (literalisp), Friday, 13 January 2006 23:17 (twenty years ago)

I don't think I'm projecting at all.

There really is a subtle (and sometimes fantastically unsubtle) thread of racism (ditto a near-cartoonish but undeniably heartfelt sexism) running throughout that particular type of comedy, and it's nice to know I'm not the only one here who is sick to death of it, because all it's capable of saying is "the world is changing and I'm no longer able to keep up".

Actually, and if anything, defining one's identity in opposition to the Dominating Spectre of White Guys is the more overutilized schtick in comic identity today.

Oh, and I don't buy this for two seconds.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Friday, 13 January 2006 23:24 (twenty years ago)

Nick DiPaolo is still appearing on television for fuck's sake

― disco violence (disco violence), Friday, 13 January 2006 23:28 (twenty years ago)

Actually, and if anything, defining one's identity in opposition to the Dominating Spectre of White Guys is the more overutilized schtick in comic identity today.
Oh, and I don't buy this for two seconds.
-- Tantrum The Cat (tantrumtheca...), January 13th, 2006.

I agree, I believe their both equally tired and hackneyed. Stand up comedy IN GENERAL is tired and hackneyed and pandering. As unfunny as most (actually all) of those bits are, you guys seem to think Bill Maher is way more conservative than he actually is. I agree that his whole schtick definitely has some right wing undertones (and just about all of his views on sex are fucking dumb, just fucking dumb) but on the whole a majority of political views are extremely left leaning and occasionally complex.

― I've got speakers but not mouth, Friday, 13 January 2006 23:50 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, I don't find any of the "new rules" jokes funny either. But in general I've enjoyed Maher more than not enjoyed him.

Sex-ism, race-ism, I guess a lot of us are operating under an assumed blanket truth that these "isms" are supposed to be inherently awful in any respect and that they have no place in art or entertainment whatsoever.

Comedy often works because it comes from a more primal, less polite and logical place. Transgressions are integral to performance.

"Oh, and I don't buy this for two seconds."

Really, you don't think Margaret Cho's success hasn't been based around smartly taking advantage of the cummunal otherness apsect of her gay niche audience?

How often do black comediens continually remind us of their own black identity within several routines of a given set?

There's nothing wrong with either apporach, it's the sociological apect of popular culture taking effect and the likely the thoughts and feelings of given performers simply turned up to 11.

― theodore (herbert hebert), Saturday, 14 January 2006 00:14 (twenty years ago)

http://host.activeworlds.com/megapath/textures/9-11-trade3.jpg

Men with Large Testicles Speak Out!

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Saturday, 14 January 2006 00:26 (twenty years ago)

This isn't funny but fucking OTM nonetheless

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Saturday, 14 January 2006 00:29 (twenty years ago)

It's been some time since I've seen a bathroom attendant.

― Mark (MarkR), Saturday, 14 January 2006 00:47 (twenty years ago)

it must be nice to be so rich that you can regularly afford to eat in the kind of restaurants where bathroom attendants are omnipresent.

he could just... eat in different restaurants. and watch different movies.

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 14 January 2006 01:07 (twenty years ago)

YOU HATE HIM, JODY!!!!!

― scott seward (scott seward), Saturday, 14 January 2006 01:10 (twenty years ago)

new rule: don't read ilx, ever.

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 14 January 2006 01:12 (twenty years ago)

LeCoq's classic post on Bill Maher hasn't been posted yet?

― deej.. (deej..), Saturday, 14 January 2006 01:12 (twenty years ago)

i can't imagine who he gets to #$%& him. actually, i can.

I saw him a few years ago at a wrap party and he was talking to some busty blonde girls about politics and acting glib as usual. LOL, Bill.

― Cunga (Cunga), Saturday, 14 January 2006 01:13 (twenty years ago)

he is a jerk. and yet...he's not one-dimensional. he's a weirdo. a playboy mansion swinger that routinely decrys the genocidal war on drugs and prison overcrowding? plus, he is anti-corn syrup. i'm with him there.

and meanwhile, my beloved maria started THIS thread:

Bill Maher - classic!

(she was drunk. but has some good points. the two places that i've heard the most radical "talk" on t.v. are democracy now and maher's show. after the last election, he really did incite people to riot!!)

― scott seward (scott seward), Saturday, 14 January 2006 01:14 (twenty years ago)

"new rule: don't read ilx, ever."

otm. i shouldn't be here. it's like a sickness.

― scott seward (scott seward), Saturday, 14 January 2006 01:17 (twenty years ago)

Maybe it's a US/UK thing, but here I only encounter bathroom attendants in tacky bars and a couple of gig venues, I've never seen one in a restaurant!

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Saturday, 14 January 2006 01:53 (twenty years ago)

they have them at pretentious catering-hall weddings too.

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 14 January 2006 02:38 (twenty years ago)

I've always assumed that ILMers tend to fall to the left of political lines, but this thread is making me think otherwise.

Ok, so Bill Maher is kind of an ass. But please, please, please stop it already with the whole "racist" charge throwing at every person who refuses to subscribe to the careful PC rules of non-offensive classification. You've become part of the problem. Liberalism has been demonized because of people like you.

I can't really say I'm a fan, but I'd really like to know what's so racist and/or sexist about Bill Maher. Please don't reply to this saying he says "black" instead of "African American". Don't even try going there....

― jsoulja, Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:04 (twenty years ago)

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli."

yeah i know he's making fun of white hippies here, but it's almost like he's saying the only thing the chinese could possibly have to offer besides spirituality is take-out. (and heaven forbid if you take interest in any culture other than your own, i mean that's just fuckin' overstepping things.)

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:21 (twenty years ago)

yeah, i'm also curious about the underlying -isms with respect to bill maher, unless smarm is an overtly oppressive white male characteristic.

x-post: oof, that's a bit stretching... he's not "almost saying" that

― alex in montreal (alex in montreal), Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:24 (twenty years ago)

but why is he assuming that it's necessarily "spiritual" in the first place? what, chinese people don't have pop culture?

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:25 (twenty years ago)

just judging from the set of jokes above, they seem to be very specific situations. here, he's specifically targeting people who do get chinese character tattoos as some sort of spiritual thing (white hippies, as you called them). that's what i get with the use of "you"/"your", instead of "people who get chinese character tattoos".

― alex in montreal (alex in montreal), Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:32 (twenty years ago)

i mean, i don't know really know bill maher, so maybe his track record doesn't give him the benefit of the doubt when it comes to this, but it just seems harsh to accuse him of racism/sexism outright just based on that particular set of jokes.

― alex in montreal (alex in montreal), Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:34 (twenty years ago)

he's a short son of a bitch.

― jergins (jergins), Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:39 (twenty years ago)

he's specifically targeting people who do get chinese character tattoos as some sort of spiritual thing

but how does he KNOW that's what they are? when does he ever interact with people like that and find out what their inner lives are like? my guess is not much.

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:41 (twenty years ago)

and that his automatic "go to" for "some other chinese characteristic" is beef with broccoli is kinda... eh, i won't say outright offensive, but it isn't helping america view the chinese as anything other than "the people who deliver your dinner." and there's still a lot of anti-asian sentiment in the US, so maybe being a little more PC would be a good thing in this case.

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:48 (twenty years ago)

Are you people kidding?

I think he is taking a stab at people who try to front individualism by way of trendy qualifiers as a means to confirm their identity.

His point being there is no "cultural interest" aspect to Chinese character tattoos at this point. It's the result of a trend and an aesthetic appreciation. I have a friend who works in a tattoo shop and he tells me 90% of his non-Asian clients who get Asian character tattoos have no idea what they're getting, nor do they have any real interest in Asian culture other than the cool looking tattoos.

It's like getting the "Free Tibet" bumper sticker without really knowing the story, or getting involved with the cause.

― jsoulja, Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:53 (twenty years ago)

i don't doubt that there are people with chinese character tattoos who are deeply spiritual and who have a long and lasting appreciation for asian culture. but i think there are probably way more people who have chinese character tattoos who got them cuz they saw someone else with one and thought it looked rad. nothing wrong with that either. doesn't mean i can't poke fun at them.

x-post - he is saying that the people who think that those tattoos are rad don't know enough about the language to really know WHAT is on their ass.

― scott seward (scott seward), Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:54 (twenty years ago)

i think those tattoos are cantonese for "strawman"

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:55 (twenty years ago)

Scott OTM.

If anything, he's poking fun at the white guy in that model.

― jsoulja, Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:56 (twenty years ago)

Are you people kidding?

no, not at all. maher has no grip on what life is like outside his tiny little circle of gasbag beltway losers.

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:57 (twenty years ago)

i think those tattoos are cantonese for "strawman"
-- yvette yreka (theundergroundhom...), January 14th, 2006.

Please back this up. Lots of people on ILM like to throw out the "strawman" without really having anything else to support it, other than the fact they saw a smarter person on ILM use it.

― jsoulja, Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:58 (twenty years ago)

btw, we should add "i have a friend" to that old ILE thread about "stupid rhetorical devices."

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:58 (twenty years ago)

oh fuck off jsoulja, it's not like maher is going on a hell of a lot either.

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:59 (twenty years ago)

anyway i gotta go, keep it real

― yvette yreka (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 14 January 2006 03:59 (twenty years ago)

as an asian, i thought the joke rang true because as many people i've met that are genuinely interested in asian culture, i've met just as many who just wanna date asian chicks, have cool asian characters to decorate whatever and yet will feel entitled to crack racist jokes because they're down with the culture, so it's all cool.

maybe the joke rubs you the wrong way because it's coming from bill maher?

― alex in montreal (alex in montreal), Saturday, 14 January 2006 04:08 (twenty years ago)

The only bathroom attendants I've seen have been in the yucky bathrooms at county fairs.

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Saturday, 14 January 2006 04:14 (twenty years ago)

and there's still a lot of anti-asian sentiment in the US, so maybe being a little more PC would be a good thing in this case.

What? What is that based on? Personally, other than stereotypes about math and penises in high school I don't recall many anti-Asian/Asiaphobian remarks. I actually can recall many times more racist stuff coming from Asians (especially older ones) and being directed towards other minorities (especially blacks). I know many people with similar experiences. Then again nerds typically love Japan so maybe my demographic was out of the ordinary.

― Cunga (Cunga), Saturday, 14 January 2006 04:15 (twenty years ago)

And it translates to "beef with broccoli."

Isn't that what Andy Breckman got tattooed on his ankle?

― tokyo nursery school: afternoon session (rosemary), Saturday, 14 January 2006 04:16 (twenty years ago)

anyway i gotta go, keep it real
-- yvette yreka (theundergroundhom...), January 14th, 2006.

real self-righteous, and real dumb....

― jsoulja, Saturday, 14 January 2006 04:47 (twenty years ago)

I don't really care about all the tangential shit people have derived from the discussion of i, but Maher's jokes here are very, very boring in an obnoxious manner.

― Zwan (miccio), Saturday, 14 January 2006 07:00 (twenty years ago)

'discussion of it' rather.

― Zwan (miccio), Saturday, 14 January 2006 07:01 (twenty years ago)

Are there any non-white and/or non-males who would actually use the phrase "new rule" in a comedy bit?

― Zwan (miccio), Saturday, 14 January 2006 07:04 (twenty years ago)

I think that the tattoo joke does first and foremost skewer white hippies, but I agree with JBR about the underlying racism behind the "beef with broccoli" comment. He could've very easily made the same joke without resorting to that wtf angle.

― jaymc (jaymc), Saturday, 14 January 2006 07:08 (twenty years ago)

and there's still a lot of anti-asian sentiment in the US, so maybe being a little more PC would be a good thing in this case.
-- yvette yreka (theundergroundhom...), January 14th, 2006.

Right, if you have an opinion of some sort you should mask it behind jargon. That's good for America.

― ~~~~~, Saturday, 14 January 2006 07:10 (twenty years ago)

The last time I saw a bathroom attendant was at one of the casinos in Tunica, Mississippi.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Saturday, 14 January 2006 07:11 (twenty years ago)

last one i saw was when i was watching the world series, game 3, at a bar called timothy o'toole's in downtown chicago.

― jaymc (jaymc), Saturday, 14 January 2006 07:12 (twenty years ago)

Actually, forget my comment about using the "new rule" deal. Plenty of comedians of all types aren't above "there oughta be a law" bullshit.

There was a bathroom attendant at the Franz Ferdinand show I caught somewhere just outside of Philly. It was pretty fucking awkward.

― Zwan (miccio), Saturday, 14 January 2006 07:13 (twenty years ago)

it is awkward! totally.

― jaymc (jaymc), Saturday, 14 January 2006 07:13 (twenty years ago)

Totally awkward to do cocaine with those guys around.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Saturday, 14 January 2006 07:24 (twenty years ago)

No, that "beef with broccoli" line was pretty damn funny.

― hahahaha, Saturday, 14 January 2006 08:06 (twenty years ago)

Isn't almost every stand-up comic pretty much an asshole?

b-b-but bob newhart!

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Saturday, 14 January 2006 10:32 (twenty years ago)

OH SHIT, SOMEONE POSTED IN THE WRONG THREAD! LET'S SHIT ABOUT IT!

― Tynan DeLong (TynanTynan!), Sunday, 15 January 2006 00:54 (twenty years ago)

his sexism is like a given; totally overt and 'in character' on the show - i didn't think people even questioned that. and i've heard him make racist comments several times and he'll almost alwys look to the other guests for an ok, i.e. something like "this might be racist, but", "now am I waaaay out of line for saying...." etc. and then look deeply into the camera as if he's speaking directly to america's real heart-this is the REAL truth. i mean i thought it was all a marketing thing - like hey all you lib. white males there's something for YOU here--indulge, you know you want to.

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Sunday, 15 January 2006 01:26 (twenty years ago)

beef with brocolli=totally racist. and i've heard worse from him.

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Sunday, 15 January 2006 01:38 (twenty years ago)

plenty of my favorite comedians make "racist" jokes. personally I cant get enough of them. I admit.

― Lovelace (Lovelace), Sunday, 15 January 2006 01:41 (twenty years ago)

I hope none of you saw Bill Maher on Leno last night.....what a stacked card, let me tell you....the biggest pseud on TV with the most unfunny cunt on earth.....Bill said some shit so ignorant it somehow eclipses his "overweight people are just lazy and why should I pay health taxes because they're pigs?!" P.I. show and rap music comments....he says something like "I don't watch the Winter games....they're not sports...they're GRAVITY!!! You sit on a sled.." All the while with that huge triangular nose and those smirky incredulous "I mean COME ON!" facial gestures that must mean this guy actually thinks he's being cleverfresh...... everyday I cry a 40oz of tears trying to understand how people can think this man is exceptionally intelligent or witty....my theory is that Bill is the mascot for midbrow pseuds all over the USA that aren't outright morons but have just the right amount of totally cursory knowledge about shit in general to think they can stop right the fuck there.

-- Ramosi (olafsonski...), February 22nd, 2002.

― deej.. (deej..), Sunday, 15 January 2006 01:43 (twenty years ago)

maybe its just b/c he's so ugly, then.

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Sunday, 15 January 2006 01:45 (twenty years ago)

woops, that was an xpost. but amen to Ramosi. what's interesting about him is how his spontaneous reasonless smugness has coasted for so long on inertia alone, which i think ties into his privilege thing.

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Sunday, 15 January 2006 01:53 (twenty years ago)

What's funny is that if Bill were to respond to you, Susan, I think we both know the first words out of his mouth would be something like "Listen, bitch...you're just not getting it..." or something of the sort.

― Cunga (Cunga), Sunday, 15 January 2006 03:01 (twenty years ago)

Cunga wtf? He's a smarm machine not an outright asshole. He'd keep the misogyny bubbling under the surface.

― deej.. (deej..), Sunday, 15 January 2006 03:16 (twenty years ago)

No, no, no. He would say something like that with just the widest and biggest smile he could muster just plastered across his face.

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Sunday, 15 January 2006 03:22 (twenty years ago)

well, i'm sure he would call me bitch w/o hesitation. i just hope i wouldn't get confused and think we were on some sexy role-playing adventure.

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Sunday, 15 January 2006 04:34 (twenty years ago)

Susan, I'd like to know your take on Chris Rock, and just about every other black comedian out there, because their sexism is far more overt and nasty than anything that comes out of Bill Maher's mouth. I've yet to hear Maher refer to women as "The Pussy" or "The Bitch", but this is a regular reference in uncensored comedy routines I've seen from Rock, Tucker, Griffin, etc.

I think it's fine to not like Maher's style of comedy (I don't), or his personality (ditto), but the way a few people on this thread are throwing around the sexist and racist charges, I get the sense they do this with everyone they don't like, and I'd liek to hear someone who regularly drops what I consider to be intelligent posts on ILM put things in context.

Yes, I think Maher's a little bit sexist, but not nearly as much as most male comedians- black, white, or otherwise.

And the racist charge is just wrong. The Chinese food reference was part of the comedy routine- it's a cultural staple of the Chinese that anyone watching his show will understand. Again, the fun was poked at the person receiving the tattoo, and trend chasers in general, not the Chinese culture. By those standards, there's very few people you wouldn't call a racist....

― jsoulja, Sunday, 15 January 2006 04:48 (twenty years ago)

he fails his own criteria for alphaness and i'm annoyed that he's asking me to be complicit in the inertia that keeps him aloft, when there are plenty of forces that could/should stop it. plus, his nastiness and stereotyping is way more serious/one-sided/desperate than with other comics that i can think of. usually comedians will do the rounds and discriminate/stereotype everyone - so its an exercise in pcness (which is tired, but...) in a way. but i'm not really sure-I'll admit, have a negative gut reaction to him, maybe b/c I can't figure out why he's there - comedy/political views seem really uninteresting.

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Sunday, 15 January 2006 05:23 (twenty years ago)

That's a major problem I have with him- he's quick to gut the right (which is fair), but to do so in a condescending way that focuses more on superficial targets than real issues, and in turn come off like some big F-in' Asshole with his "everyone else is stupid- go ahead and laugh with me about it", kills any decent points he makes in the process.

That said, I still think people really need to check the racist charge at the door with this guy. Bill Maher may be a jerk, and somewhat prejudice and/or ignorant about it, but racism has become very good at hiding itself these days, so people should be more careful with the word, because the more you say it, the less power it has....

― jsoulja, Sunday, 15 January 2006 05:45 (twenty years ago)

Actually I kinda thought the "beef with broccoli" thing insinuated that said tattoo recipient chose whatever characters looked cool, and having limited experience with Chinese language/culture picked one of the few things they'd have knowledge of -- namely something from a take-out menu. There is actually a website somewhere (I forget the name) that details some of the botched/inept/lost in translation Chinese/Kanji tattoos that trendies get trying to look all exotic and the smartass Chinese/Japanese tattoo artists permanently emblazoning these people with the word "gullible" or something like that.

Besides, Denis Leary still walks the earth. Priorites!

― disco violence (disco violence), Sunday, 15 January 2006 05:51 (twenty years ago)

what he said.....

― jsoulja, Sunday, 15 January 2006 06:00 (twenty years ago)

Maybe my main beef is just that he obv. enjoys traditional social constructs, which often seem to be mixed up in sexist racist and weird heirarchical shit, and expects others to follow this, but he wants to work outside that system. I think others who play with that world in their comedy show how, even if they enjoy some priviledge due to their fucked up woldview, they are submitting/constrained by their position in it as well...that doesnt' make shit right, but atleast its not like well b/c i'm a man and white i pretty am the only one allowed to be an individual.

― Susan Douglas (Susan Douglas), Sunday, 15 January 2006 06:01 (twenty years ago)

I guess my own problem with him is that he claims to take on the PC or challenge status quos or something but his whole act is based on reinforcing them. He doesn't challenge his audience, and he has to know it because at the end of each joke he stares knowingly at them for a solid minute waiting for them to agree.

Bill Maher himself once said that he liked Chris Rock because he challenges his audience (and I like him for that myself). I just don't think Bill does it that often.

― ~~~~~~, Sunday, 15 January 2006 07:21 (twenty years ago)

y'all - he's a comedian - trying to make people laugh. A lot of people do. It has made him rich. If this formula didn't work, he'd be doing something else. Lighten up.

Also, he's not racist. He may be insulting, but he's not racist.

― D.I.Y. U.N.K.L.E. (dave225.3), Sunday, 15 January 2006 13:21 (twenty years ago)

I think the Maher-haters should step up and list what counts, for them, as acceptable comedy. Who's allowed to joke about what, and why, and whether there are things no one, not even an HIV-positive Asian tranny in a wheelchair, is ever allowed to joke about. Because the level of argument on display right now just makes me wanna listen to 24 straight hours of Larry the Cable Guy.

― pdf (Phil Freeman), Sunday, 15 January 2006 15:52 (twenty years ago)

Well I like Sarah Silverman's comedy (which is way more needlessly offensive) so go figure.

― ~~~~~~, Sunday, 15 January 2006 16:14 (twenty years ago)

Sarah Silverman? Really? Well, no wonder, then.

― pdf (Phil Freeman), Sunday, 15 January 2006 16:39 (twenty years ago)

six years pass...

I just went to a read-through of the monologue and "New Rules" for this week's show. The set is much smaller than it looks on TV and so is Bill. Also he looked better as a civilian than he does all suited and booted on the show. Also, people who go to show tapings are so weird.

― /\ /\ Delete post (admrl), Friday, 14 September 2012 20:53 (thirteen years ago)

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