Dating With Mental Illness

i just needed to start this thread, although i'm not, at the moment, willing to divulge things that have actually happened in my life, of which i need to talk about, soon.

i have ptsd.

i drink a lot, now.

i am very good-looking/sexy, but it doesn't matter. i don't fucking know.

i'm not even that gay, but i was really sad a couple of months ago and had this younger guy suck me, because i'm lonely and just wanted to make friends and have fun, and make a new friend. but, i guess i let the fun go too far.

another thing: i keep hanging out with this girl that i met at my second mental hospital stay. she's gorgeous, too. but, she has religious delusions and just talks about the anti-christ all the time. i stayed at her place, the other night. i didn't make any moves on her. we just ate ice cream on her couch and watched bad jesus movies.

i am drunk. i only talk to other people when i am drunk. i was admitted again, to the hospital last july, because i couldn't talk. sometimes, i am unable to talk to people, or even text. i get very ill, very often.

but, i'm still a human being, with human being wants. i want a real relationship. i'll talk more, at some other point.

make fun of me.
it's fucked up. fucking "episodes". every few hours is a fucking episode, for me.
i know that no one's going to take this seriously. i wish people would, and not make fun of me.
i won't be back unless people post serious things.

what are bad jesus movies?

ilx (really the internet in general including fb) is a very scary place for me to divulge lots of personal information. i have met ppl on ilx tho who i like to talk to about serious things on my mind. or if i'm going to post something to ilx that's intimate i spend a lot of time reading it over to make sure it is exactly how i want it to look - like that there's nothing unintentionally revealing. this is obv a fool's mission (since even within what you want to write is also what you don't want to write - i wondered what bad jesus meant and i thought maybe movies about jesus if he were bad, or bad like very difficult and painful to watch like the mel gibson movies but i think you probably meant bad like corny? v christiany? i'd think those might have some kitsch enjoyment) + more about anxiety about how i come off to other ppl. i'm always moved when ppl on ilx can reveal intimate details about themselves. i think it probably speaks well of the community here. lots of ppl on ilx have good advice and stuff - i remember once or twice in college i had ethical questions i asked ilx about and i grew a lot seeing a community discuss them - it helped me figure out what was true for me. anyway i did drink a little tnite (some beer) and always 420.

Old ilx would be asking for pix by now

Am I right in thinking you've posted here before now mm?

monster mash, you've seemed like a decent dude in the time you've been posting. You can proceed however you like, obvs, but ILX (or certain members, anyway) tend to be pretty dickish towards expressions like this outside of a certain context. I'd recommend the depression thread, myself, which has thankfully remained something of a safe space.

Though that said, these are publically-viewable forums, just bear that in mind.

reasons for which i'm not posting in wdyll anytime soon (maybe someday), or revealing my last name, or giving too many details about myself, here.

wins: i like you. get off my ass!

anyway. bleurgh. chances are, that there's no one willing to talk about this very specific, fucked up thing here.

or, anyway. OKAY. you don't have to be sexy/good-looking. can we just talk about what it's like to date with mental illness???

actual mental illness, that is.

forgive me: everyone has depression, it's an epidemic. everyone has anxiety disorders, and so forth.

forgive me, i sound like an asshole, now.

this thread is for people that have to take anti-psychotics/five pills a day/have had mental hospital stays/etc.

. . .and are lonely human beings that wish they could date and connect.

ok then I'm out, but wishing you well

it's like any other disability or shortcoming. it's gonna weed some people out. your feelings are gonna get hurt as you are dating people and they are weird about it, or ignorant, or mean. it's gonna happen.

if you are online dating you can put it on your profile and some people will be cool about it. if some hot guy on okcupid said he had ptsd i would still hit him up.

in my experience as an adult with mental illness who has been in a couple ltrs, where it gets harder is after the honeymoon period is over and after you've had 2-3 episodes while living with my partner. i'm not sexy or good looking tho (not fishing here) so people kind of have to be into my personality in the first place. that helps anchor things. but i can be a shitty partner and trying of patience. being aware of that and trying to amend for it can help. so does very frank communication about my needs (when i am feeling well enough to identify them).

a book that i really liked that helped me get courage to live life was far from the tree by andrew solomon. read it.

ok i 'just' have depression but everyone has a story. y'know.

also drinking a lot + sex desire is a very volatile combo; can you do anything about the drinking or do you even want to

they're especially bad in combination, but really the trick is that both can lead to a sense of self-actualization that doesn't really pan out when you sober up. so you go back to it again, and it's a game of diminishing returns

they lead to a sense of self-actualization that doesn't even last the whole time you're drunk or fucking, and the fallout from either exacerbates the mental health ish for me

anyway, looks like no one's making fun of you, but no bandaids either

Abbott: You are radically rad. Thank you.

I'll ask a mod to change this thread title to: "Dating With Mental Illness".

Also: Mordy, you're a damn star, lol.

dating is stressful enough as it is, doesn't sound like a great idea when you're feeling emotionally rickety. and internet dating was depressing and a vector for self-hate ime.. might want to just join a club or something http://www.meetup.com/

man. the thing is, much of the time, i just wanna protect women from my mental illness. i mean, i'm not abusive or anything like that, but, i just don't want awesome women, who i sometimes come into contact with, to experience me or get involved in my fucking madness.

i take three pills a day and have had hospital stays, do i qualify for this thread

bleeeeurgh. i really didn't mean to make this thread so exclusive.

i know i'm sounding like a jerk, but i just don't want this thread to devolve into normal relationship problems/three-month-long depressions/or things of an easier sort.

it's supposed to be for people with chronic/nearly incurable/afflictions:

ptsd/schizophrenia/treatment-resistant depression/and so on.

would you care to diagnose me

just share your affairs and dreams with us. i've already talked about -a little- of my past here, you crazypants.

i don't date, for reasons brimstead outlined. also personally i think your impulse to protect other people from your mental illness is a good thing. i have that feeling too, which is another reason i don't date.

also i am hideous ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

uhhh. it's almost a fucking philosophy, with me.

yes, i am good looking, whatever, i asked to change the thread title so it wasn't so exclusive.

^ you are not hideous. anyone can make their self attractive, if they want. no one is actually hideous -- there are probably just things about your body/clothes that you've never learned.

i promise you're not hideous. no one really is.

and, ffs: because this is ilm: don't wear fucking jean shorts with an old, faded, sonic youth t-shirt. because, yeah, that's hideous.

if you dress like an adult, put on a nice sweater and khakis, and have learned to minimize your mental illness, you'll do fine.

problem is here: my mental illness is humongous. . . even though i dress well/have prestige/etc.

all the blurbs on dating profiles about "ambitious, driven" etc just made me want to shrink into nothingness. it's like the oxygen in california is cocaine to everyone else or something.

lol,

mental hospital girlfriend used to peak into my door, and run away. well, that stopped, once i called her out on it.

we did a heist, when the nurses weren't looking. we stole an orange late at night... and played catch with it. but, there's more to it, i'll tell you later.

we walked past the nurses station with the orange in her hoodie, just to rub their faces in it!

we still hang out, sometimes.

the heist is one of my favorite memories.
i want to go back there, and live there forever, where i'm safe.
make fun of me.

seriously tho wld anyone be talking like this abt themselves if they had a physical disability; a visible one
probably yes
but you'd still deserve to try to find love
or a quick consensual lay

all people have all kinds of things in their background or their medicine cabinet that some people would pall at

ok turns out i misused the word pall but still

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FdvHpg8pI9o

i used to go to an elite school!
until this person played a sick joke on me.

well, this person told me they were dead.

i talked about it in the other depression thread.

they told me they were dead. i had to keep it to myself for 20 months, but after that, i told my mom, and my professors, and my advisor on the academic standards board.

they forgave me. it never happened in the history of the university, before. but, there were things done for me. i can't go into it.

it happened in november 2013.

i dropped out a few weeks ago. because: i cannot walk down those same streets, anymore. i cannot walk between those same buildings, anymore.

hell. they actually told me she was dead. i found out she wasn't, later. i'll explain it, someday.

i keep having dreams about the hospital, now.
it doesn't matter. i can't go back. just, i want to

my god, what did i do here.

hey everybody needs an outlet sometimes

my god, what did i do here.

Words uttered by every ILXor at one time or another. Welcome to the club.

honestly don't even think about it - you're not a real poster until you've drunk posted (or posted while in some other type of altered state) anyway ;)

I haven't made a thread I really regretted for years, now

not sure I regret them as much as no longer understand parts of who I was at the time

x-post.

duuuuude. i was like, on 18 shots when i posted these messages.

i'd still like to talk about this stuff, but the foundation upon which this thread is built, is uh, quite dumb.

anyway, i'm nuts and want love. carry on.

k, i'm talking to the ice cream girl again.

i'm gonna pass out unless.

how about people talk about what it's like to date with real mental illness, that's all.

fuck you, people with "depression" and "anxiety". you are making it harder for the rest of us to get help and become identified. all of you are histrionic and full of shit.

i want my people here: ptsd/schizophrenia/psychotic depression/actual bipolar, etc.

pshhh.. eavesdropping in on the problems of 'sexy' ppl is the only thing that eases my depression and anxiety

"i wish i was still your boyfriend, like in the hospital"

text.

Let's put light around each other.

Can we hug, and put light around each other?

Everyone probably thinks you're a narc anyway, don't sweat it

did you ever meet a dude named Campari G&T

how about don't make fun of me.

i don't know what to say. here, ok, here is the only thing i wrote that i haven't deleted as inflammatory or potentially insulting.

so sometimes you want to be loved, deserve to be loved, just like everybody else, but you know you have to be alone because you are so fucked up that no good can possibly come of it. you feel like you can't be happy without someone to love but if you had someone you know you would just drive them away with your crazy. except you don't know, for sure, because part of the crazy is that your judgment is shit.

not sure I regret them as much as no longer understand parts of who I was at the time

― μpright mammal (mh), Thursday, November 19, 2015 2:29 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

truth bomb imho

mm, that wasn't meant as mocking, just mentioning that there are posters who definitely have struggled with the areas of mental welfare that you're talking about

I'm all in favor of commiseration threads, not so much in favor of self-validating threads

sucking yourself up your own solipsistic navel is an option too

fuck you, people with "depression" and "anxiety". you are making it harder for the rest of us to get help and become identified. all of you are histrionic and full of shit.

This has been touched upon by other posters upthread, in ways I don't think were helpful, but... this also isn't helpful. Up until this last year I was only ever treated as having nebulous depression or anxiety. Turns out I have a p. seriously bad case of borderline personality disorder, just nobody ever recognised wtf it was that was going on with me, or nobody wanted to recognise, or maybe I didn't want anybody to find out quite how fucked up I am. But making people feel unwelcome or doubt themselves because you think your diagnosis is more important than theirs, that is a really shitty thing to do.

Anyway, dating with mental illness, eh? I've just recently broken up w/ the only person who ever managed to get me sometimes, I don't think I could ever stand to date people. Think I'm just going to be doomed to be alone for the rest of my life, which hopefully won't be that long.

Can somebody sb monster mash for me, I'm on my iphone

I don't think this is in any way an illegitimate topic (in fact it is an interesting and important one), or that monster mash is necessarily a dick who needs sb-ing. I just think that the attempted delineation is both misguided and futile.

nah, monster mash is definitely a dick who needs sb-ing

MM = once-ler, yes?

As in the guy who decided it would be a great idea to repeatedly interrupt women talking about their MH issues with memos from his dick on his opinions of their attractiveness? I don't have a lot of time for that behaviour and the problem here isn't "mental health" it's bog-standard entitlement.

Emil, I don't know if you're still interested in this kind of thing but I just posted the schematics to Comouter World era Klingklang on the Sex Object thread. Synths are better than dating.

I don't think mm = once-ler

mm is not once-ler

it's just that i'm tired of hearing fuck you, people with "depression" and "anxiety". you are making it harder for the rest of us to get help and become identified. all of you are histrionic and full of shit. from people, ptsd-afflicted or not.

i am not referring to this, of course: you are making it harder for the rest of us to get help and become identified.

it was really not nice to have to remind myself of my hospital visits / medications etc to see if i qualify for this fucking thread though.

argggh ilx borad needs a "ban self from thread" button.. for me, at least

disagree <3

Emily otm here.

people with mental illness sometimes express themselves in counter-productive ways. that's, like, part and parcel of what mental illness is, as far as i'm concerned. my feeling is that if you want to live with a crazy person you have to deal with the fact that they will sometimes say totally horrible shit and just pretend they didn't say it. i mean, yeah, the attempted delineation between "real" mental illness and depression/anxiety is patent bullshit, but arguing the issue on its merits with a drunk person who suffers from severe ptsd doesn't strike me as being super-productive. if someone wants support, i'm going to try my best to give it.

This is so hard because while I do see what rush is saying, I'm not going to lie and say it hasn't felt a little shitty, as someone who has had an an anxiety disorder, to read some of the dismissive posts in this thread.

I wonder if there's also a discussion to be had about being friends with someone with mental illness. Over the past year I'd become good friends with a co-worker who has PTSD. The friendship has been difficult for me at times because of various aspects of her personality that often come off as point blank rudeness. She's been talked to by mgmt at work for this. As someone who often takes things way too personally I've really had to remind myself a lot that when she get in "a mood" it's nothing to do with me really and learn to just ignore her. Earlier this week we had a misunderstanding and she completely ignored my apology and then texted me that we had nothing to talk about and that she really had to concentrate on work. It was very cold and robotic. I went to her office and asked if she wouldn't mind coming to talk to me when she had a couple mins and she turned to me with the weirdest fucking grin and said "I'm sorry but is this a work related issue?" when I said that it wasn't she laughed and said "Well then, no, I'm sorry but I can't do that." I sort of lost it, right there in her office and in front of the person she shares it with. I started shaking, burst into tears and had a full on Gretchen Wieners style breakdown at which point I said "You can't just treat people like this! Especially a friend! You're the rudest coldest person I know. You're so rude and you don't even realize it. How can anyone be so cold?" and burst into tears. I then just left and went to my office where I attempted to pull myself together. Unsurprisingly I haven't heard anything from her since. I am near 100% certain this is the end of our friendship and even though that makes me a little sad it was also too stressful and I think I'm better off. That said, we work really closely together and this has the potential to be ridiculously awkward. Part of me wishes I'd held it together and not flipped my shit but her MH doesn't give her the right to treat people like shit. I've tried to be patient and had given her so many passes. I know she really struggles and I wanted to be as understanding of that as possible but there has to be a line somewhere.

I'm sorry if this wasn't the right place for that post. I didn't really know where to put it. I've just had a really hard time trying to be understanding and compassionate towards her without allowing myself to be treated like or made to feel like shit.

Branwell, it's over. Don't be surprised to see social problems in an Autism thread. Hell, i've ilx searched your posts and I've seen threads where you've mentioned the attractiveness of person ____ - the difference being that I mentioned group _____. I'm sorry if you thought I was flirting with you (my fault for typing up a bipolar/manic mess of words) but I don't hit on random people that I can't see or know nothing about; I also would do my best not to sabotage myself if I was trying to hit on someone. Yes, I apologize for inserting myself into a grownup conversation when it should of been apparent that the only kind of book club I would be accepted in would involve comics or Dr. Seuss

I make mistakes. I do my time. I like tomboys. I've posted in manic flurry less than a handful of times and I've been learning how to get better at not doing that. Like submitting myself to 3 years away from ILX and taking my most recent bann to heart.

You are creepy as fuck.

I am FP-ing this poster now, and I would ask that any other users who see this person attempting to interact with me, or doing this creepy ~researching your life~ type stuff again do the same.

oh yeah it totally feels shitty. this is actually one of the reasons i don't do so great with support groups. because while on the one hand it's tiresome to deal with people who don't get it and tell you to try and "suck it up", on the other hand when you're in all that pain and you want to just scream at somebody for being an asshole to you, and everybody else is the same way, it tends to get real ugly, real fast.

so trying not to fuck up is all well and good but it is basically impossible. my philosophy on this is to forgive others and to forgive myself, which is goddamn hard but less hard, and less destructive, than trying to never fuck up.

and you know the more damaged and fucked-up a person is the less they are able to even acknowledge, let alone comprehend, somebody else's problems. mental illness consumes the world, consumes our past, consumes our future, leaves us knowing and feeling nothing but our own pain in the present moment. this causes us to treat other people like shit.

Emil, I don't know if you're still interested in this kind of thing but I just posted the schematics to Comouter World era Klingklang on the Sex Object thread. Synths are better than dating.

― La Düsseldork (Branwell with an N), Saturday, November 21, 2015 5:49 AM (11 hours ago)

Very much interested, thanks. Synths are definitely better than dating. They're better than pretty much anything. (PS excellent display name.)

Also feeling rushomancy's posts itt, but not much of anything to add to them aside from sad regretful agreement.

Xpp I wasn't trying to research your lfe. I wanted to see why you came at me so strong after I was banned. Don't worry, i will try to avoid any future conversations you partake in. I'm sorry

hey ENBB, I understand where you're coming from. I have a coworker who I'd like to consider a friend but their "quirks" make it very difficult to communicate at times, let alone be coworkers or friends. Their fixation on certain issues, criticism (which is usually constructive) of the ideas of others while being unable to take feedback without lashing out, and a few other aspects that seem very obsessive-compulsive or anxiety-led make collaboration difficult. And there are a lot of things my work group needs to collaborate on!

I see a lot of my own tendencies, but where this person fixates on creating intricate levels of organization (while disparaging other ways of working, because they have to do things _right_ or it's emotionally troubling) I tend toward procrastination or a fear of actually acting, in case I screw something up. And I've worked on my own bad tendencies over the years, with very deliberate choices (and medication), I can't just say "you're crazy, try to work on that!" no matter how much it's tempting. And I did lash out a month ago, and it's been awkward since.

Being coworkers while keeping your own shit level is difficult and I'm glad there's a manager and other coworkers in the mix.

Part of me wishes I'd held it together and not flipped my shit but her MH doesn't give her the right to treat people like shit.

yup.

I tend toward procrastination or a fear of actually acting, in case I screw something up. And I've worked on my own bad tendencies over the years, with very deliberate choices (and medication)

this isn't the thread but I'd love some advice on how best to do this if you feel like putting any elsewhere (procrastination threads?)

PS various people OTM

I am "only" depressed but I was depressed for a long time and remain a fuckup to the extent that I almost wish (be careful what you wish for, of course) for some further explanatory diagnosis

and while I cannot claim any deeper complications I know what it's like to be left because watching my problems powerlessly was tearing him apart; to confess just when I seemed to have found something good "oh hey, you know you said your ex was 'crazy' and you couldn't do that again, well - about me..."

anyway, as you were, I shan't hog yr thread any further

i think i have a memory of pissing people off in this thread, a few days ago, when i was drunk-posting. first, if i did, i'm sorry. i am an idiot/jerk, sometimes. however, i can't actually remember whether i really pissed anyone off (although i can easily imagine having done so), or if i'm only remembering something that happened in a dream. it might have happened in a dream, but if it didn't, i don't really wanna know the reality of it right now or read the posts. i'm sorry if i actually pissed anyone off.

x-post to the original post/my first post in this thread.
as far as that late fall afternoon with that guy, look. i'm kind of upset about this.
he was a bit younger than me, granted. but, he was probably more experienced than i am, hell.

i can't remember it that well.
all i remember is this:
i was drinking alone in my apartment (that's normal). he knocked on my door and came in (that's cool). so,
i poured him a drink. he had no more than four or five shots, that afternoon. i was somewhere around 15, naturally.

i entertained him for a small time as he had his drink. everything was normal.
we decided to go for a walk.
we wound up under my favorite tree at my old university, and my alcohol began kicking in intensely.
i began talking to him about, because i was really quite drunk, my mental health issues, diagnoses, and hospital stays. . .
i thought we were having fun though, although i could sense something about to happen that i really had no interest in having happened.

we ended up at his place on his bed.
i didn't even take my clothes off. i think he took his shirt off.
he went down on me.
i guess i gave it a chance? i was trying to be nice?
i wasn't into it, at all. all i remember was trying to say, "you're not gonna get me off, you can't get me off", and i was (because is the tmi board) only half-way hard. i wasn't into it.
i don't feel like i was in a well-enough state of mind to agree to it.

he's only had around 4 or 5 shots. i was pretty clearly smashed, at the time.
he walked me home soon (we gave up on getting me off), which was nice. i probably needed him to.

i don't remember anything after that.

--

i mean, we were guys. it's fine. it wasn't traumatic for me, or anything.
however, i was pretty clearly in a bad state of mind, and very drunk, and not really into what he was doing.

whatever. i mean, i'm a modern man. i don't seriously believe in straight or gay, it's all on a spectrum, etc. i even spent some time in my early-twenties as a rather confused young man about all of this. i get it now, though.
i like girls.
he knew that.
i wish that this had not happened.
i would have more respect for myself now, had it not

it isn't a big deal. worse things i can't remember have probably happened. he should have known better. but, we're guys, what are you gonna do.
he was probably just young and didn't know what he was doing.

just another bad memory.

*i probably needed him to walk me home, i meant

APS <3

dmac <3

m. mash sorry if my post sounded bristly, I wish you all the best, sincerely

and wtf that dude should not have done that, obv, but even apart from that, don't feel that you "should" have less respect for yourself because of things that happened because other people put you in a bad situation or because you were/are ill, physically or mentally. just know you did the best you could in the circumstances (including circumstances illnesses of your mind or body put you in)

well that didn't help, but, good vibes were intended

thanks. seriously. i also don't take personal swipes against myself very seriously online? i try to adhere to the hongro/tuomas school of thought on that -- politeness, ignoring stuff, etc.

i have no idea what that was all about, spacecadet! other than what you just posted. thank you. i needed someone to tell me it was wrong - that what happened was fucked up.

but, again: i know i pissed a few people off upthread, it may have happened in a dream - but i think it was real. i won't read posts upthread, and i will assume i just pissed people off upthread.

i think it might have been in a dream, but: if i bitched at you for not being mentally ill enough for this thread, then i am extremely sorry. sorry. so sorry.

however, i will say that, this thread is not for people with simple depression or simple anxiety, of which they only take one pill for (there's another thread for that, it's called "depression and what it's really like").

this thread is for, well. . . let me give you an example:

remember when i was talking about that gorgeous chick with schizophrenia with religious delusions who i met at the hospital, and how i've stayed at her place a few times since, and we didn't have sex, but ate ice cream together and watched bad jesus movies as she cried about the anti-christ?

^ it's like that or something. i don't fucking know. yeah, i'm pretty, but i can't even talk sometimes. hell.

sorry. i only talk to people when i'm drinking. two years.

so this is a thread for people w/mental health problems & severe alcoholism, who won't take care of the latter
who have also convinced themselves they're unlovable

aka another crabs in a basket thread

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crab_mentality

there was a day i was convinced i was seeing will smith everywhere (i was working at a video store, so, yeah, i was, on a lot of dvd covers) and that he was telling me i should die
but that doesn't mean i have to drink myself to death and never have a functional relationship again
and if you think it does, go take a flying fuck at the moon

you don't HAVE to be a character in a tennessee williams play

i'm a jerk. carry on. sorry.

i just wanted to reach out to other people with severe mental illness, um, the kind that leads to deluded thinking, and actual inescapable mental loops that last for 20 months, and things like that. sorry.

everyone's welcome here. sorry.

abbott, you okay?

i think you're rad, no matter what.

i think you're prevaracating w yourself about your problems and how solvable they are and i'm foolishly letting it annoy me

also even more annoyed at figuring out that my personal bete noire the lorax is still around

dumb of me to expect this thread to have any sliver of hope in it

how did we not embed the Magnetic Fields in this thread yet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EP0aEHaeHi8

dumb of me to expect this thread to have any sliver of hope in it

― The Fart in Our Stalls (Abbott), Sunday, November 22, 2015 7:47 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

sort of. the ice cream girl was normal in the hospital, though. it was beautiful. we pulled a heist and stole oranges from the kitchen at 10:30pm. I put it in her hoodie. little gorgeous girl and I walked past the nurses' station, with the orange in her hoodie, just to rub it in. we never got caught. there were cameras!

but, yeah. i see her sometimes, now. she only talks about the anti-christ, now.
i'd like to talk more about her better moments, and the special time we spent together in the hospital.

we hugged a lot. when the nurses couldn't see. ok. the nurses could see because there's cameras everywhere. but, i miss hugging her, in the hospital. i miss pretending to break out of the hospital with her, when we were still there! i miss hugging with her.

after we got out of the hospital since, we've hung out a bunch of times, but it isn't the same. she's worse now, without being fed her meds. we're not the same, anymore.

--

i could probably write a romance novel about our time in the hospital, together. there's so much. i frickin' love her. she's my baby! i'll always be there for her. :D

not to sound condescending, but if you wrote a YA romance with this subject, my students would eat it up

wow i was sitting at a bar earlier (shutup) and two people on their first date sat right next to me. i think (?) one of them was this flirty pretty waitress i've had on/off low intensity crush on for awhile and... i feel ok

mm: i think its a mistake to think that if you have lots of problems that you are dealing with, then other people will not want to be around you. a huge aspect of depression, as i understand it, is the inability to see all the things you have to offer others, and the inability to believe them when they tell you that you're in some ways, at least outwardly, doing alright.

one thing you can do i think is to find resources that explain what you're going through to other people in your life. this list is hella cornball but i can't find some of the other stuff i've seen around: http://io9.com/10-comics-that-can-help-you-understand-mental-illness-1576917503

but yeah, i think it might help to send people like the hyperbole and a half comic or something, and ask them to try to just be aware of what its like, and make sure they know that your problems don't have to become theirs, and they don't need to fix everything -- just be understanding. someone i know sent me this stuff and it was very helpful in being able to understand them and how to interact.

i hope this isn't too forward giving advice here, but also there must be some way to medicate besides drinking. like if you find a good doctor you can talk to, they can find medications and control your doses for you. if you self-medicate that just means you have a poor untrained doctor who isn't in the best position to be making decisions about your health. if you need help, you can find people who are trained to help you, and if you need medication you can find people who can prescribe you what you need. the things you're posting to this thread about -- you're not going to find anything more than general advice here, and none of it will be as good as from people you can find and talk to in real life who are trained to understand what you're going through in a much deeper way.

Xp Abbott

Ouch. I always admired you

Also, I thought that if anyone would be understanding of a manic episode it would be you (i was reading the bipolar thread). There's nothing pleasant about getting no sleep and having to call in sick the next day because you feel terrible about your manic postings that hurt other people's feelings.

if anyone would understand unwanted attention, it'd be her, too. if someone tells you to fuck off, you don't tell them "you of all people should understand"

imo

the thing I try to hold to is the belief that if you do good things to the world, and treat others as they should be treated, you'll find things in the world that do well for you.

life will still take a dump on you occasionally, though, especially when you're in a rough spot.

way xps to aps, I will post on a procrastination thread... eventually! :)

When people bring me up and say things about me while I'm not around, I have a hard time saying nothing. Especially if it's something like "he's a walking talking dick that flings his dick in your face and keeps pictures of his dick in his wallet".

your response was basically "you should understand me" when someone told you that you were creepy

finding the door is a good life skill when dealing w/your own shit, imo

people should do whatever they want but it would be sad if they refused to listen to every angle so excuse me for having one

ok sorry to bring up old beefs from years ago
i really did drop a dookie in this thread, heh heh

it's not good to have a bete noire probably
i'm not david tennant; i can't really pull it off

oops meant neil tennant
david tennant couldn't have a bete noire right if he tried
and by david tennant i mean his character on the doctor who show

also i believe people are responsible for their shitty behavior during their mental ill ish and that includes me
i mean i've tried convincing my credit card company otherwise but they're having none of it

<3

mental illness has a hefty tab at the bar

and a shopping list a mile long

zuuhhhhhh.. well i asked a nice woman out on tinder the other day, she said yes, and i basically got all scared and haven't opened the tinder app since (let alone replied). lol at me.

sorry.
i'm sure i really did upset people last time i was drunk-posting itt.
i don't want to re-read it and find out, though.
but, i am sorry.

i'll expel myself from this thread for a while, now. i'm in my late-twenties, living in a small town atm, etc., so it's not like i'm dating/have the possibility to right now, anyway.
also, i know it was uncool of me to assume ownership of this thread, on a sort of broad topic, only because i started it. this thread is for anyone.
sorry about all that.

It's ok, we can all just watch that hard-hitting documentary benny & joon for tips in the meanwhile

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LlmtpC2sRC8

sorry, monster mash

I haven't actually been reading this thread, because I'm worried about how badly I've pissed people off. I read very few posts here except for mine. I notice a couple posts, here and there, though. Thanks, brimstead.

Update: Ummm. I've been vegan for 12 years, and am 1/4 Native American (which I hate admitting because of the stigma), and I absolutely hate Thanksgiving (I got drunk all day today and posted a bunch of PETA stuff on Facebook, lol). Part of my family is 2/4 Native American. I feel like celebrating Thanksgiving, for part of my family, is entirely stupid, and akin to Jews celebrating Hitler's birthday.

Anyway: No one should be alone on Thanksgiving. I'm inviting the ice cream girl with schizophrenia over to my family's dinner tomorrow. I don't think she has anywhere to go. She's independently wealthy, but her family is horrible, just fucking horrible, and she lives alone, and her family is too horrible to deal with her.

We've hung out a few times since the hospital. I'd never touch her, for she's even more ill than I. I love her like a puppy. She used to wander outside my door, at the hospital, like a lost puppy dog. I hope my mom will let her come over. I don't know. She eats meat, is white, probably wants to celebrate Thanksgiving. I don't want her to be alone in her shitty little house. She doesn't even have a front door - it's off its hinges, and just leans against the space.

i should actually fix her door, now that i think about it. i guess it just never occurred to me to/or i didn't wanna be too involved or something.

i'll put it on my list of things to do (but fuck if i know if i actually will, the way things go).

xps to Abbott re Benny & Joon, I was going to look for a youtube of a young David Tennant (as mentioned by you elsewhere itt) in romance-in-mental-hospital-related 90s tv series "Taking Over The Asylum", but then I thought 1. I quite enjoyed it in the 90s 2. reading the wikipedia article, it was almost certainly objectively bad 3. keep a little nostalgic joy in my life by not seeing it ever again, why not

monster mash: sorry man. Stop worrying about this thread tho, it's fine and nobody knows who you are and who cares, etc. I know, easier said than done.

And I know drinking makes untreated mental health issues seem more livable-with but in my experience (admittedly of problems of a different size and nature) it also makes treating them harder, so if you are able to get yourself some help for the PTSD it would be worth also seeking help to cut down, but yes again easier said than done

I hope your Thanksgiving is going well; it was nice of you to invite the ice cream girl.

So how about this: the government stops the proper support workers in your region, cos you're in the shire not the city, cutbacks and such, and instead gives you money to hire your own carer. So OBVIOUSLY you hire yon young lassie you know from the pub, the one you have done joint halloween costumes with two years running, but NEVER made a move on, far too young, born in the 90s fucksake. But she works as a carer so she's qualified, right? The main part of the job is to come round, check I've not killed myself, make sure I did the dishes and hoovered the carpet and such, cos IF YOU DON'T MAINTAIN YOUR HOUSE THE GOVERNMENT WILL TAKE IT AWAY and you have to go live in the sheltered housing, right?
Then you decide you are in love with this lassie, but now she won't sleep with you anymore cos professionalism and such, also too young, but she still comes round for the designated sessions, then drives to pub and gets drunk with you (after she is finished working, professionalism mind) and I forget where I was going with this. Also I think wrong monstermash thread. I am not monstermash btw. I guess my question is... I donno. I forget. (was asking for a friend anyway)

too true m8

keep hoovering the carpet mind u

My goodness, forget all the cricket vocab, if any one post highlights the difference between the UK and US, it's this one. :O

Oh I'm sorry, I was trying to keep this universal, if it makes you feel better I feel as foreign from certain English posters on here as I do the Americans. All I really want is to return to the west coast of Sweden but I am am banned from there for OUTSTANDING CRIMINAL CHARGES. I mean, I could return, but they reckon they will arrest me if I do. But they say I'm not worth deporting, or whatever the Swedish for that is, don't make me find the paperwork. Ach, I donno what I'm doing with my life. I want to build a blanket fort, but I got INSTITUTIONALIZED last time I did that. I'll just lay on my sofa under a duvet til yon lassie comes back around...

Uhh

I have one small request, you stop saying 'yon lassie'?

All I really want is to return to the west coast of Sweden but I am am banned from there for OUTSTANDING CRIMINAL CHARGES. I mean, I could return, but they reckon they will arrest me if I do.

You're not c/o the Ecuadorean Embassy atm, are you?

i think there's a difference between 'dating' and getting mad your social worker (or whatever?) won't fuck you anymore but i'm old fashioned that way

^^^^

lol

i hope jonathan hellion mumble is just doing some ill advised schtick. if not, best of luck to you and please stay away from both sweden and that social worker.

UK terminology wd be "care worker" here as far as i can read it but y'know the other points stand

Yeah I think it says "personal assistant" on the contract but care worker is probably accurate. She works in the old peoples home the rest of the time. And there's nothing inappropriate about dating her, lots of people have their spouses/partners receiving money as official carers. The fact that she is only 21 is inappropriate to me tho that doesn't seem to bother her so much. Most days when she comes round I serenade her from the piano, which gets tough after a while cos I only know three chords and there aren't so many words that rhyme with her name, switching time signatures only covers up my deficiencies briefly.
I realised I miswrote in that last post, I meant "extradited", not "deported", does that make the situation any more acceptable? Everything I do is ill advised, but there is no schtick involved. Tho yon lassie that girl did laugh at me when I accidentally set myself on fire on Thursday. I'm sure she would have tried to extinguish me eventually if it had got out of hand. She is professional if nothing else.

Having someone you are in an established relationship with care for you is not the same as dating/sleeping with someone who is employed to care for you. A house-husband and a cleaner may perform the same tasks, but one is your spouse and one is your employee. Your ethical map may say it's okay, but don't be surprised if others disagree. Even without the ethics of the situation, it sounds like a recipe for nothing but distress on at least one side, probably both, and really really won't help you.

Sensible advice coming courtesy of someone who never does anything sensible, here.

Well, I was kinda in an "established relationship" with her, not like a romantic co-habiting relationship, but she was my drinking buddy and really my unpaid carer for like a year and a half, which is why I hired her, for the job interview I was looking for (in order) 1. someone I trust, 2. someone who is ok with cats, 3. someone who is ok with me smoking inside my tiny house. Most of the pre-designated carers I have had in the past have fell down on one or more of those criteria (and there have been a bunch, for some reason they kept quitting? One of them on his way out called me a "shallow-minded monster" and said that's why I'd never achieve anything in life. Imo THAT's the sort of carer I should be avoiding).
Oof, I have a feeling I will not be convincing any of youse on the wiseness of my path. But I shall probably continue down it anyway, cos when did I ever follow sensible advice? It is all appreciated nonetheless, mind.

I p much thought that's what you'd said but yknow ilx

it's going to make things worse if i say i was imagining you as ricky gervais in 'derek' which i watched one episode of because it was clear he was going to start some romance with the nice helper
sorry 4 judging

I have to get some thins off my chest, and I want to talk about my new (kinda) crush.

I've already had around 15 shots, today.

Here goes: The psychiatrist told my mom I have schizophrenia, ptsd, and depression. It's cool, but I don't think I have schizophrenia, or at least not much of it. I'm cool with the other two diagnoses, though. I've been to the mental hospital three or four times this year. I also have an alcohol problem. I normally wash my pills down with alcohol. I'm on Effexor, Paxil, Neurontin, and Risperidone. None of them do a fucking thing for me. I wish I could get benzos or lithium. But, I'm OK at hiding my mental illness, and I dress well, so psychiatrists don't always take my troubles seriously.

I have a crush on the girl, behind the counter, at the liquor store.

The time before last, I asked her what her tattoo said, she told me it said: "perfectly imperfect".
I know, don't judge.

I'm in a small town, though. This is what people are like.

She probably has a boyfriend.

I was there again today, and she said she hadn't seen me in a while. It seemed warm.

She turns me on, honestly.

So, next time: I'm thinking of making more small talk with her (like we already have), and being a little left-field and showing her my University ID and saying: "yeah, i drink a lot, but I went to a good school". (I went to an elite University). Maybe it will impress her. After that, and small talk, maybe I can slip her a small piece of paper with my number and full name (for Facebook)?

I don't know. She likes me platonically, but she probably has a boyfriend.
She really turns me on, honestly.

Anyway, even if she does have a boyfriend, I've been the other man a few times (I'm surprised I've not been killed yet), and I have a penchant for it.

So, next time I go to her liquor store, I'll have a good shave, haircut, and a nice sweater on. I'll show her my school ID during small talk, ask her more about her tattoos, and slip a note to her with my number and full name for Facebook.

I'm sure she'll contact me after that. But... It's... I don't know.

PS: I get away with things because I'm good-looking.

hey buddy we have a wdyll thread to figure out that kind of thing

I get away with things because I'm good-looking.

So you keep telling us.

Ha (xp)

Ignoring whether or not you should go for this girl (you have a drinking problem and she sells you booze -> this is probably not healthy), I should say that this -showing her my University ID and saying: "yeah, i drink a lot, but I went to a good school". (I went to an elite University) - is such a bad idea. You'll come across like an up-yourself douche. Bring up university if you want, but bring it up in conversation rather than flashing an emblem of it like that means something in itself. Where you went to university isn't important, what you got from it and what you're interested in is important. Does she study as well as work? What does she like?

its embarrassing but just be like i think your cute and seem cool would you like to go out with me? and see what she says? and if she says no then cool and if she says yes than even better

no defense.

i just think i can get away with it. (i'm gonna do it, next time).

i'm a fucking creep, and ill, but i have advantages.

i will probably not respond to the last few posts coherently, ever. but, i did read them.

thank you. especially emil.y

i'm a creep. i like talkin' though.

xpost.

umm. honestly. i can probably make friends with her, at least.
she's dumb and probably has a dumb boyfriend, though. :-/ it's a small, rural town.

whoah. i shouldn't have called her dumb.
she's cool by me.
i respect the fact that most people don't have an education like mine.

i'm drunk.

i'm not an asshole, but i am a jerk.

sorry.

im pretty sure you're an asshole, bud.

your alcohol problem sounds a lot worse than your dating problem

if shes a cashier at a liquor store in rural town she probably dngaf about where you went to school even if its like harvard or w/e. why would she? just ask her out.

Sober up first.

. . .

i was just thinking about this issue -- only so much in terms of dating, but in terms of being close to other people, or attempting to get close to other people

The thing about mental illness is that you are (or at least have been) living in this alternate version of reality in terms of your instincts, perceptions and judgments of other people. If you aren't aware that your reality is "suspect" then that's probably the first step to take. But even after you've acknowledged that, (and largely because of this), at least in my experience, you are reticent to impose your reality (your perceptions, your judgments) on other people in terms of "I think this person is this way, you should agree with me." Sometimes I have to clarify this and spell this out with close friends, because I think the standard thing is to want or expect agreement.

xpost to jim in glasgow: you are a garbage person. harass me again and i will flag your post.

i've had ~20 shots now. i know srahell dislikes, me as well.

we're all here. i assume we're all friends. you dumb jerks!

Effexor, Paxil, Neurontin, and Risperidone

i've had ~20 shots now.

I don't know you, but please take better care of yourself. Drinking while on these medications is very bad for your body and potentially very dangerous. whoever you are, you deserve the best care you can give yourself. please put yourself first for a while. I know that when we have other stuff in our way it can make self-care seem like the hardest thing, I know this personally, but please try.

yeah, we're not all friends here. it's not that i have any particular dislike for you, but i have had too many friends drink themselves to death already. therefore anybody who is actively engaged in drinking themselves to death is not my friend, particularly when there's really nothing at all i can do to prevent it.

good for you rushomancy, your "friends" really appreciated that, i'm sure

JCLC otm

right now I don't think you're in a place where you're going to figure out your romantic life. Please drink some water and get some rest, you'll be able to think about these things more clearly tomorrow. Call someone if you need help.

xps. getting butthurt at people for being addicted to a substance is a bad look.

I find your posts extremely unappealing monster mash and i don't care if you flag-post me for giving you shit, but please be careful with your booze and drug combos.

i take an SSRI and everytime I drink I feel emotionally HORRIBLE for at least the next few days... like WORSE than I felt before I started drinking. i don't know if this is related to the SSRI or not, or if it's just something I've noticed since starting to get help... but I wonder whether or not this awful emotional hangover contributed to my vicious cycle of binge drinking and general fucking-up-my-life... one thing i've learned s that i just need to ride it out and feel bad for a while sometimes, because once i start drinking... things NEVER get better

just some 2cents, please don't start attacking me monster mash

alcohol reduces the effectiveness of SSRI's (also reduces your tolerance to alcohol) ... it's not just you

the tolerance thing... i never even thought about? god i'm stupid, lol

for me it's a negotiation ... i like drinking, but i have to make myself drink less, and less frequently, which makes social stuff awkward, so frequently i don't go out to avoid the peer pressure to drink ... though it's helpful to keep it in mind, "I feel like garbage because i drank too much and my meds aren't working right now." as opposed to "I feel like garbage because I am garbage."

u should have gone to an elite university xp

I found SSRIs lowered my tolerance to some extent but also made it apparently completely random, like one day on Zoloft I could drink all evening and feel not a lot, and then a few days or weeks later I might have just a couple of drinks and feel completely wrecked

but either way my mood would be at rock bottom for a couple of days after drinking so yeah, totally not recommended. wish I'd realised that sooner. anyway Joan C otm. wishing you luck monster mash but please try to cut down and take better care of yourself.

xp i did!

it's not a matter of being butthurt, it's matter of refusing to be hurt by other people's self-destructive behavior, esp. when you have no particular control over it. i should live in la-la land and pretend that if i say "gee, i really care about you as a person, and i hate to see you hurting yourself like that", it will make a fucking bit of difference?

you can isolate yourself from toxic people and still have compassion for them

ALL ALCHOLICS ARE NOT THE SAME FUCKHEAD

i'm definitely not your friend and i'm super proud of it, i still have compassion for your sorry ass, though, lol

so many ways we can be condescending to each other. i need to start prepping turkey.

we're not all friends here and nobody knows monster mash, but telling people that they're being assholes and that you wish for them to not damage themselves (& hurt others) through substance abuse are, in fact, things that friends do

did i say i didn't have compassion for him? of course i have compassion for him. unfortunately, i've found that "compassion" doesn't translate very well to ascii. look, he didn't start a thread to try and elicit empathy from strangers over the internet. as best i can tell, the man craves human touch. i can't say that me saying that my heart bleeds for him does him any good whatsoever.

let me put it another way. my friends are the people who are there to help me when i need them. if i can't be there for someone when they need me, i'm not going to insult them by claiming to be their "friend".

https://33.media.tumblr.com/e8da376090106d2792892e2bb26d6276/tumblr_nde4kaRaiC1trqhcko1_400.gif

ilxors sometimes have good content. but for mental illness support type stuff you're better off elsewhere. on ilx you'll get picked apart for every little error.

and mental illness is error to the people who don't got it

can't wait for the part where mm says he feels like an ass for drunk posting and then refuses to look upthread for all the people who told him to please get some help with the very pronounced alcoholism

people don't like being enablers, which is what we would be doing if we treated you more gently

there's a difference between being rude one time and a cycle of behaving badly toward others

there's also a huge difference between apologizing for bad behavior and saying "I'm mentally ill so I post things like that," acting like it's ok to do so

I just have knee-jerk loathing for public humiliation

Chrisht lads its one am and I'd ate the leg off've the lamb of God has anyone chips

darragh posting on prescription medication > drunk posts imo

Thanks man thanks

Have

Have you any chips at all

and mental illness is error to the people who don't got it

being mentally ill or alcoholic is not a free pass for assholery

and everyone on ilx is mentally ill

except darragh, i mean

there's a difference between being rude one time and a cycle of behaving badly toward others

there's also a huge difference between apologizing for bad behavior and saying "I'm mentally ill so I post things like that," acting like it's ok to do so

― μpright mammal (mh)

but don't forget that there's also a difference between having mental illness and not having mental illness

plus, i don't know anyone whom stands by any of their bad behavior.

but maybe they would stand by "bad" behavior if it was merely "off" and only perceived as bad by some people - particularly those that find error in everything or are overly sensitive.

this is purely off-topic hypothetical stuff. I'm not trying to relate this to any of monster mash's posts

no one ever deserves a free pass for assholery. just the same as no one ever requests a free pass for assholery.
and again "assholery" is in the eyes of the beholder

I find it odd that non-mentally ill people think we blame all our behaviors on the mental illness.

I think pretty much everyone blames them-self for everything

Have you any chips at all

― darraghmac, Friday, December 18, 2015 6:14 PM (17 minutes ago)

the question that has plagued mankind since day one

If I ever commit to writing anything proper its as good a start as any, that concept

xp to mookie im in OK shape but that said it runs in the family and when I say runs I mean we have county medals

if someone tells you to fuck off, you don't tell them "you of all people should understand"

hey i did post this already

Ctrl f "you of all people should understand"
Results 2: mh and mh

There's no set response to someone telling you to fuck off tbf

Ctrl f "fuck off"
Results 2: mh and mh

Correction
Results 3: mh mh and darraghghggh (dont know how to read this)

a sentiment expressed in different phrases, to be sure

when I say runs I mean we have county medals

tbh it will devastate my worldview if you succumb

makes two of us I guess bud

mm what are you drinking

1. there's a difference between "blame" and "responsibility"

2. i would suggest that asking an anonymous internet messageboard for advice is not the best course of action for medical crises.

3. the inability or disinclination of certain people to suspend their moral judgment in time of crisis is regrettable.

4. i don't think recrimination is a useful response in this instance.

I found SSRIs lowered my tolerance to some extent but also made it apparently completely random, like one day on Zoloft I could drink all evening and feel not a lot, and then a few days or weeks later I might have just a couple of drinks and feel completely wrecked

Have had similar experience on Prozac. Although my tolerance also goes up rapidly if I drink for more than 1 day in a row.

which is dangerous because in a portion of the population a number of SSRIs can be a risk factor for liver damage

1. Numbers make lists
2. Theres a point to this list that no one has ever heard before
3. It's regrettable when people cause problems or make a scene
4. Number 2 was a lie

^srry, just joking around. I dont mean to interject myself in any previous beef between clashing parties in this thread. Seeing ppl drink themselves to death sounds sucky rushomanci

guys i wish i'd read the stuff about SSRIs and alcohol about 10 years ago

Ime people with alcohol problems don't go on about how much they've drunk so far, it is a shameful secret.
My [let's call her a P.A. today] gave me my Christmas present yesterday, it was vodka in a wooden box with an etched metal plaque thingum saying "Tim, Merry Christmas, Lots of Love, Your favourite PA", i'd post a photo but I lost my phone. I gave her socks, she seemed to like them. Then we went to pub, but she was working for the Old People today so she wasn't drinking and she went home before I was ready to leave, I went to walk home and woke up in a big pile of gravel in a yard somewhere, couldn't find my phone. I'll not blame my behaviour on mental illness, maybe I'll blame it on alcohol/SSRI combination, thaks for that.
I rewrote the 12 days of Christmas song for [Her], I lost my phone with the final version but according to my scrawled notes it was something like
12 Marvel films
11 songs for Laura
10 points for style
9 Swedish meatballs
8 treats for Kenny
7 former moonmen
6 sides of Sandinista!
FIIIIVE STURRIDGE GOOOOALS
4 shots of jaeger
3 fags to get home
2 avocados
and a moothie in the key of C
(most of that is in-jokes specially for her but there you go.)
She definitely likes me, but I'm not sure if she likes me. My [uh former fiancee] was making comments about her last night, which is actually a good sign, because on experience that tends to happen with anyone who might be considering sleeping with me.
I don't know if I'll see [my P.A.] again before Christmas, I was meant to be getting lift to Pub today from [an elser] to watch Newcastle-Villa with a Geordie, but I lost my phone so I never sorted the exact arrangements out and no one turned up at my door so hey-ho (prolly dodged a bullet there tbh, that is the least appealing fixture I can imagine). She'll surely be in Pub on Christmas Eve, then I could serenade her on the Christmas karaoke that is planned, but I have prior commitments that evening. Which I'm now considering fecking off in order to go sleaze on my employee. But I never went to a good school and I don't own any nice sweaters, so I will no doubt die alone.

NV have you had actual problems with that?

it accounts for probably the worst phase of my self-destructiveness. the effects people have been describing on here - at the time, i had a vaguely guilty sense that drinking was probably just stopping the meds from working as effectively as they could.

but i learned eventually by accident, or at least i stopped doing all that shit to myself once i'd sufficiently wrecked my life.

people with alcohol problems don't go on about how much they've drunk so far

btw this is so not true as to be meaningless

true but you did cut off the ime at the start!

hey it's the ilx equivalent of "with respect"

IME = My Father, My Mother, The Swedish Lady, myself, them old boys at the pub pissing themselves on the barstools, that's the only alcoholics I know really. The only people talking about their intake were the 22 year old attention seekers who would tell the lassies about their time in prison for killing the guy who beat their pregnant girlfriend and made her miscarry, despite the fact that I've not seen them away from the village for 2 days since they were a child, and you know it was him killed them kittens, right? Also, who calculates their home drinking in "shots"?

ime we live in a culture that revels in, glorifies and won't shut up about harmful drinking but that's just m.e. too i guess

and i still drink and still joke about drinking i just think not kidding ourselves is a good and useful start to managing it

Yeah I fully accept my non-knowledge on this matter given that I don't really get out much from this inbred insular teuchter sub-society, I can't really speak for everywhere else. Except the only pub in the village exploded a few years ago, so now I have to walk 2.6 miles to the nearest hub of human contact. Where I think I am tolerated by this point, but it may be the owners making excuses on my part when I'm not there, on account of my "mental illness".

i guess i'm reminding myself about something as much as anything at this point

It's possible to be a 22-year-old attention seeker and have genuine substance abuse problems, I mean, QED

so, you guys know i'm a drunkard and an idiot, and would never act on anything i threaten to in this thread, right?

Hadn't noticed any threats myself

that's exactly what very unstable person I have known has said, including people who drank a lot and said "I'd never actually try to kill myself, I just say a lot of things when drunk" xp

it only takes one instance of waking up and wandering into the living room to see an unstable person trying to wash down a handful of pills with vodka

http://www.recovery.org/topics/addiction-recovery-helplines/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Li8GrxE1jfg

lol. i'm still drinking.

i get it, now.

i am only 5'8". i am small (128 pounds). i am vegetarian for 12 years (it turns girls off).

i am also destitute.

i understand, now, that no one will ever marry me.

i would like someone to tell me i'm wrong. however, i know i'm right. no one will ever marry me.

not only am i vegetarian for 12 years (which girls hate), i also have severe mental illness.

lol. i'm a weirdo.

(i can't give up the vegetarian part).

i'm trying to come to terms with this. i'm 29. i just want to marry a nice woman. i just want to get married and love her forever. i'm not good enough for that.

i went to a good school, i'm good looking, but that's not how this works. i just turn people off. i just want to get married. i just want to get married.

how big is your cock?

*defecates*

i don't understand why you're both being jerks, but ok. :D

Don't give up, you can beat vegetarianism.

you don't need to get married. you might even fall for someone who isn't into it

bleurgh.

i just want to get married.
to someone nice.
but, i'm sick.
and, you're making fun of me.

i literally can't wait to regret that. i am drunk.

help.

yes, you need help, but unfortunately you're not going to find the sort of help you need on ILX. call your doctor.

it isn't like i'm not mad at myself. i wish i could stop thinking about this.

sorry. i really do disappoint myself.

sorry.

i hope i pass out/black out soon. fuck this.

thank you, the late great.

i know there's nothing i can do, ever - or, tonight.

i'm gonna drink and listen to dumb twee shit until i pass out.

What dumb twee shit?

thank you.

i was hoping for some intelligent discussion on what i posted, however.

you're not going to find the sort of help you need on ILX. call your doctor.

^^^

Thank you.

I've been here for 11 years.

is everyone mad at me?

I'm sorry. I can't stop thinking about it.

It took me about 20 months before I understand the lies.

Understanding barely helps.
I just wanna stop thinking about it.

She has Narcisstic Personality Disorder.
I'm still in love with the person she pretended to be.

Thank you.

I never wanted to think anything bad about her.

Can we please just agree that was abusve???

I haven't been the same since. I failed ever class that semester.

nobody's mad at you.

npds are the worst. thank god I never dated a pathological narcissist. they will lie about the most trivial things just to feed their hole. bpd aren't much better. they latch on to crazy ideas and everything is so starkly black or white, at the extreme ends of possibility.

ilx is not a great place to be drunk or depressed, though.

Hey, bamcquern, fuck you.

Why emil.y

I appreciated what he said.

This is the last thing I want to happen here.

I'm sorry, emily. I was insensitive.

And I've always thought you were a really cool person. I always follow what you have to say about if.

Dehumanising people into their (hypothetical) diagnoses is gross. Playing up stereotypes of those diagnoses is also gross. Please refrain.

bpd aren't much better. they latch on to crazy ideas and everything is so starkly black or white, at the extreme ends of possibility.

Pff...please understand that saying this kind of generalising, uninformed bullshit is pretty dangerous. Especially when speaking to people who are obviously emotionally vulnerable and therefore impressionable. Most mental health issues derive from trauma and are in no way malevolent. Also, using 'crazy' as a diminutive term in a mental health thread is not well thought through. There isn't even anything inherently wrong in the attributes you just mentioned...

Xpost I don't think anybody's mad at you monster mash. I imagine most people feel how I do, which is genuinely concerned. but i don't really want to engage with your posts because i don't want to play at being a therapist or a counselor. also i don't want to enable you to not get genuine professional help by filling in the role of that professional.

xp it was a dumb thing to say and think. Thanks for setting me straight.

it sounds like i also owe emil.y an apology. do you you have bpd? that's the impression i just received. i'm extremely sorry, and you're surely nothing like the monster i'm talking about here. you surely, could only be, better than that. (if you don't have bpd, then i'm just confused about the last few posts).

i hope this space is safe.

in any case, when it comes to my girl/jerk/monster, yes, she had bpd or narcissistic personality disorder, but she was also very young (she was 22 - I was 27), and she was very immature (even for her age - but she told me lies which made me feel like she was mature enough), (i was 27, i figured as long as the age range were within a five-year radius, i was okay. i wouldn't have dated a 21-year-old - i thought 22 was fine).

a therapist once told me that, no matter what, you should hold people accountable for their actions -- even with mental illness.
god, how wrong.
i mean, yeah, hold people accountable up to a certain point, but... even i've flaunted my mental illness to excuse my own dumbass behavior (don't get the wrong impression - it's more complicated and tactful than it sounds -- i was being blunt).
i mean, sure, maybe things like depression or bipolar disorder are more like afflictions, but things like borderline or narcissistic are a little more innate (IN MOST CASES, NOT ALL).

i don't wanna hold my girl accountable. i wanna blame it on her npd and get past this and forget it.

MM, you need to focus on yourself and stop perseverating on whatever you think this female acquaintance of yours did to you. For one thing you're coming across more than a little bit like a possessive stalker:

i don't wanna hold my girl accountable. i wanna blame it on her npd and get past this and forget it.

this is a very unhealthy line of thinking! she's not "your girl" and a desire to "blame it on her npd and get past this and forget it" is all kinds of wrong, for you and everybody else involved. especially since you're clearly focusing on her and her actions (as you perceive them) and not at ALL about getting past this and forgetting it. You are obsessing, you are drinking to excess (as confessed by you yourself) while you obsess over it, and it's making it really difficult, nigh impossible, to engage with you on this thread.

At this point I feel like one of the best things that could happen is that a mod locks this thread and you can start a new one if you want, but about yourself, not about somebody else and whatever they might have done to you. You probably need to see a (new?) therapist, and you need to consider if you should be on medication, or some different medication than whatever's not working for you right now.

The silver lining of mental illness, acknowledged as such, is that gives you a path to mental health, but only if you realize that it's about you and your emotional state, and not so much about other people. These days it would appear you're entirely focused on another person and that, my friend, leads nowhere good. For anyone.

No means no, MM. That's it; you have no right to demand anything from her. She is not "your girl". You are using an image of her to feed an obsession. You have no relationship with her now -- any relationship from this point forward is you being an asshole. There is nothing else to say.

There is one thing left to say: if you need help to stop thinking about her, get it. And you will not get it from her and must not try to.

[ADMIN]

I think Tombot's post is as OTM as it gets. I hope you finda a way to deal with this issue, but writing obsessive-sounding posts about another person with personal details that she probably doesn't want to be addressed on a public forum is not the way to go. I'm locking this thread and deleting the post. Like Tombot says, you can start a new thread and discuss the subject on a more general level, but these kind of personal accusations towards a third party who's not present are not okay.

[ADMIN]

Just to make it clear, if you write more posts like that, I will have to ban you from the ILTMI board. This is supposed to be a safe space to discuss personal matters, so posting intimate and identifiable details about other people without their consent is a banworthy offense.