Sex Droughts

I know we've discussed this here before, and I know there are posters who've gone years without sextime, but I'm curious what the overall over/under is, so to speak, and how one deals with lengthier droughts before reaching that preternatural calm of "I just don't need sex anymore, and people that do seem strange to me."

Right now I'm at 4 months, and it's the longest I've ever had to go. I know that probably seems like a pittance to a bunch of you, but at moments it is really shitty to deal with the lack of human contact and general loneliness.

So. There we go. Now you.

4-6 months is the worst iirc -

I'm at 7 months now, and a full year before that. I once went five years.

As much as I love sex and intimacy, I find it surprisingly easy to go without for long periods of time. But I'm not a hooker-upper...I'm a relationship guy.

And so like, it's normal to feel like shit on Tuesday nights and every touch from someone new is like an electric shock that fizzles out unless they turn out to be the one?

I mean yeah I'm the same way man, but for me it's less about bustin one out and more about having a real moment with someone that means something to you. I can go pay to get off, but it wouldn't fix what sucks about this.

Haha that was oddly worded but I think you get my meaning?

Ever since I was a kid, I've been perfectly capable of living happily in solitude. It's even been an issue in a couple of relationships...clingy girlfriends getting in the way of my alone time.

yeah - no it makes sense - some people have an easier time separating the emotional stuff from the physical.

Had a little over a year once, and I'm the kind of dude who does NOT do well without close human contact. Just kept being shitty until it ended. Definitely one of the main things that spurred me to change up my life for the better, though.

It's basically worthless advice because it's near impossible to put into practice and also duh, but don't worry about it, try to push it to the back of your mind and focus on self-improvement/yr ART/whatever and shit just ~happens~ ime.

It's basically worthless advice because it's near impossible to put into practice and also duh, but don't worry about it, try to push it to the back of your mind and focus on self-improvement/yr ART/whatever and shit just ~happens~ ime.

― ENERGY FOOD (en i see kay), Monday, September 20, 2010 3:08 PM (3 seconds ago)

yep.

i sort of go crazy after around the 5-6 month range

When I see other people my age (mid 30s), or especially younger, freaking out about "never finding love" or wondering if they're going to be single for the rest of their lives, I just want to say "chill the fuck out!"

I really don't give it a ton of thought. I'm sure I could find someone that's a perfect match, someone who appreciates space and needs her own as well. But at the same time, if I'm just having occasional relationships that last a few months or a couple years at a time until I die, that's cool too.

I have kind of veered off topic, though. sry

tmi is where we do tmi iirc so

went 18 years without sex, was long enough tbh. wouldn't do it again.

someone masturbating in front of you as an infant doesn't count iirc

given that the four of us went through puberty sharing a room for long stretches, i'm glad to hear it tbh

i don't recall that, d.

also pretty sure i went through puberty well before z_b was born.

i think i went for two years once?

generally speaking, if you're a young-ish adult i think it's not terribly healthy to go w/o sex for long durations

The only thing I regret about my 5-year drought (which lasted between the ages of 24-28) is that by the time I finally had sex again, I had revirginized.

generally speaking, if you're a young-ish adult i think it's not terribly healthy to go w/o sex for long durations

eh i'm not sre it's unhealthy either as such

i admire the mental fortitude it must require to not have sex between the ages of 24 and 28

eh i'm not sre it's unhealthy either as such

depends how unhealthy dying from the inside is

ah sex is no cure for that

lol 'mental fortitude'

some ppl aren't inundated with offers, yknow

my drought took place at ages 24-26 or thereabouts. and was completely avoidable. but i was an idiot and ridiculously picky and also tried to avoid one-night stand situations for some stupid reason and also was too thick to pick up on ppl having crushes on me, etc.

if i lived that period over again my bedpost would be sawdust at this point from notch-whittling fatigue

oh well

also i guess i slept with an ex- a few times during that period, so never mind

I guess 3-4 months was the longest I ever went after the initial 17 years but I never had that feeling like, "Man, I need to get laid" because I could probably take care of those purely sexual needs better myself. I always hated the kissing/cuddling droughts more.

i admire the mental fortitude it must require to not have sex between the ages of 24 and 28

My first girlfriend/fiancee/nightmare fucked me up but good. I essentially didn't want to have anything to do with women during that time.

dang

i once went 16 years without sex tbqf

I guess 3-4 months was the longest I ever went after the initial 17 years but I never had that feeling like, "Man, I need to get laid" because I could probably take care of those purely sexual needs better myself. I always hated the kissing/cuddling droughts more.

i kinda wanted to say exactly this, but yknow i'm a dude so didn't really want to but it's true for me too.

:D

My "birth - _____" drought was only 11 years. Granted, it wasn't actual copulation, but I learned about everything else including fellatio and cunnilingus from my 15 year-old aunt. I realize this is probably even TMI for ILTMI, but sometimes it just takes a weight off to get it out there.

Family reunions are still awkward, because I wonder how many other cousins could tell the same story.

whoa

^^ that

So wait - you were messing around with your aunt who was only a couple of years older than you? Is that right? Just want to be clear.

iltmi seem like a pretty easygoing bunch.

Yeah, my aunt (my mom's youngest sister) is only 4 years older than I am.

I guess 3-4 months was the longest I ever went after the initial 17 years but I never had that feeling like, "Man, I need to get laid" because I could probably take care of those purely sexual needs better myself. I always hated the kissing/cuddling droughts more.

i kinda wanted to say exactly this, but yknow i'm a dude so didn't really want to but it's true for me too.

think this is exacerbated by the fact that us/uk are not particularly big touch-oriented cultures

so yeah, that's a big problem during these droughts

like i guess leo buscaglia has been out of fashion for the last few decades, but i think that his idea of taking people very serious as individuals and not being hesitant about very basic things like hugging people should be run with more. nothing is more healing than acceptance, affirming people be it through touch or otherwise

Yeah, my favorite part of relationships is just simple closeness. Watching movies together in bed/on the couch, backscratching, just the smell of a person other than yourself.

Seriously, I would marry someone just to get my back scratched once a day.

My "birth - _____" drought was only 11 years. Granted, it wasn't actual copulation, but I learned about everything else including fellatio and cunnilingus from my 15 year-old aunt. I realize this is probably even TMI for ILTMI, but sometimes it just takes a weight off to get it out there.

Family reunions are still awkward, because I wonder how many other cousins could tell the same story.

― Johnny Fever, Monday, 20 September 2010 23:48 (8 minutes ago) Bookmark

i had a slighty older female cousin who used to ask me to strip off in front of her and her mates. never actually did it. think she was just doing it for the lulz, tho. at least, i'd like to think so. her weird mate used to feel my arse as well.

28 YEARS OLD I WAS

johnny fever all kinds of otm

i was watching sleepaway camp 2: unhappy campers the other evening, and thinking about how the proprietor of the camp is named "Uncle John", and that "avuncular" has sort of become synonymous with creepy at this point

'ad uncle

Max, you were 28 when this was going on? My situation was a taboo adolescent curiosity thing, but your cousin is straight up kinky.

"28" thing is a stewart lee routine.

i was about 10, she was 14. i think she was just genuinely curious about boy's bodies, but we were very affectionate... so i'm not 100%. i still see her quite often and i don't think it even crosses our minds much anymore. obviously your experience was way more serious.

feel like my attitude pairs pretty closely with johnny's

I can go pay to get off, but it wouldn't fix what sucks about this.

― p.m.s.b. (pre-mall smoke bomb) (zorn_bond.mp3), Tuesday, September 21, 2010 6:05 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

lol otm, I just discovered how easy it would be to do over here but ~what would be the point~

what would be the point ~~~~~~~~~~~~

anyway this thread just reminds me of the estela thread (or rather the thread title) young men with so much love to give or w/e, can't find it atm

but i was an idiot and ridiculously picky and also tried to avoid one-night stand situations for some stupid reason

Feel like I have seen many an earnest young person (my self included for a short time) v. negatively affected by the myth that one-night stands must necessarily be seedy and devoid of genuine affection.

yes. i mean i had first date sex with at least one of my ex-'s that i ended up being in long-term relationships with

and for several months i was in a relationship with someone which was mostly about us getting together for sex...but i can't say there was anything sordid about it. it was actually very sweet.

so yeah, i think your use of the word "myth" is apt here

myth that one-night stands must necessarily be seedy and devoid of genuine affection.

indeed. some of my one-night stands were some of the most relaxed and honest sex i've ever had.

One of my favorite girlfriends kind of started out that way. I spent the night on our first date, which was a completely new and foreign idea to me. She said before we went to bed "I don't fuck on the first date," to which I was like WHAT!? (because I didn't even know I was being invited to sleep over at that point). Weirder still, she broke her own rule and we fucked for an hour in the middle of the night after having slept for a little bit.

that sounds awesome

I mentioned her in another thread somewhere on this board. A few weeks later, I found out she did a little professional dominatrix work on the side. HUGE SURPRISE! Ahhh...summer of 2006, how I miss thee.

omg

i don't whip on the first date

you'll do what you're told on the first date maggot

My birth--first fuck drought was 22 years. The first 9 years were a cinch, though. :-) No playing doctor with the other kids (relatives or not), I was an amazingly prudish little girl. First sexual contact with somebody other than myself (which started at 7) was at 14 with an acquaintance. My one and only sexual contact with a relative was with one who was the best friend I've ever had, and it ruined our relationship. (We were in our late teens when it happened.) The most time I've gone without sex as a non-virgin was a year, which was the amount of time between my deflowering and when I started going out with the man I later married. (Yes, we did fuck on the first date.) We have gone a month or two without sex on occasion, mostly due to depression.

xp No, it wasn't like that at all you guys. That's why I surprised to find out she was a dom for money. Especially when she invited me along on an appointment (her client was cool with it). She became a totally different person!

dominactrix

also stop spoiling my fever dreams, it was totally like that

The modern term is domme, actually.

lol

She called herself a dominatrix, so who was I to argue semantics?

domme pass- no i'm not going there

Anyway, I hadn't had sex for two years before I met her and I didn't have sex again for a year and a half after we broke up. Par for the course, really.

Oh shit, I forgot someone. It had only been a year of no sex before I met her. I feel like an ass for completely forgetting someone, because there have only been six women in total (not counting my aunt, which I don't because A she's my aunt and B we never had sex sex).

i have also never had sex sex with any of my aunts hi 5!

Hooray!

celibatenephews.com

I really haven't ever told a lot of people about that, btw. ILTMI is really only one of very few "people" who know about it. My family doesn't know, that's for sure.

i have a snake

tell us more pls

cut or uncut?

Venomous?

thank you very much!

i didn't even know that ~sleeping over~ without sex was a thing people did until recently

it's still something so foreign to me that i'm pretty sure i missed an offer to do so the other night

:/

i must have 'slept over' without sex for jeez i dunno 6 weeks for the lovely ms dmac. no big deal, movies and couches still existed.

You may as well find out from the get go whether or not you can share a bed with somebody. But yeah, it was a surprising early development for sure.

for the first three weeks i even got kicked off the couch, actually

Although, my very first serious girlfriend got locked out of her house after our first date and I snuck her into my dorm to stay the night...where she proceeded to take MY bed and throw up on the floor (where I ended up sleeping all night). I should've taken that as an omen of the next five years to come.

haha

in retrospect i'm thinking that first-date omens can prove extremely telling

btw I can't help but sing 'sex beat' in my head but with SEX DROUGHT instead

SEX DROUGHT SEX DROUGHT

YOU'RE MY SEX DROUGHT

YOU NEVER GIVE IT TO ME SO I HAVE TO DO WITHOUT

Aw yeah, I am winning this thread

lol

Eternal "what counts as sex?" question.

Not anything I'm doing, that's for goddamn sure

I think it means p-in-v. Which is a very hetronormative way to see it, but whatever.

eh - i'd say for the purposes of this thread it would be something with a partner capable of producing orgasm

That's a good way of putting it, imo

OK, then I was having sex since I was 7, because I was certainly a partner capable of giving myself an orgasm. (Actually, my first one wasn't until I was about 10 or so*. I remember hating them at first because all of the wonderful tension I was creating would go away afterwards. But I digress.)

*Is it even possible to have one before puberty? I have no idea.

uh - partner = a person other than yourself?

Sorry, I was trying to make a funny and it mutated.

ha, that sentence could be a metaphor for puberty/first orgasm

I'm at a year now. I have this big problem that I don't really do "hookups" and I don't really do "relationships" either, so I don't really get "laid". It's really sad that I'm 24 and I know for a fact that I am A+ attractive, yet I can count the number of times I've had sex on one hand. That said, sex and relationships are a very low priority for me.

Like, I spend very little time pursuing either.

I've kind of come to thinking that my real problem is that when I get horny, my thoughts go to "I want to masturbate" rather than "I want to have sex".

Obv. this is something I agonize over on occasion, but never do anything about. :/

i spend a lot of time pursuing, problem is, there are a million other boring dickheads pursuing the same girls.

Reverend, are you worrying about not having sex, or are you worrying because you think you should want it more than you do?

A little from each column.

Are you worrying because you think not being interested in having romantic relationships and/or having a low sex drive isn't normal, or is it something you genuinely want to change? How are you with other types of relationships?

I'm at 7 weeks, I guess (kinda hazy on when exactly when the last breakup happened). Probably going to stretch on for a while - I'm going out and have met a number of cuet ladeez, but I just don't really feel like dating anyone yet. This shit was easier the last time I was totally single - at 28, it seems like so many more women are in long-term relationships than when I was 22 or 25, etc..

^ I'm at the age now where most of my options are divorcees.

I'd have to deal with someone else's children, which I wouldn't be too happy with.

(Even worse, I might have to deal with being someone's grandmother. Thinking of that upsets me.)

My last sex drought was ages and ages ago but it was about half licking my own wounds not feeling up to it and half being too tentative when my interest slowly rekindled. Naturally, when I had kind of given up, the drought ended. I feel like it must have been about 4 or 5 months.

3 years atm

6 years - self imposed as I want to sort out my shit first before looking for another relationship.

that's a long time - i think the longest i've gone was a year, maybe a year and a half?

27 years.

Beat that, he said, as I have for the last sixteen years, ha ha masturbation joek it is to laff

how many masturbation in front of a baby jokes do i have to make until people stop counting the years when they were kids in their total?

Don't think six years of no sex would be conducive to either shit sorting or a very healthy worldview, not to mention view of relationships.

Are you worrying because you think not being interested in having romantic relationships and/or having a low sex drive isn't normal, or is it something you genuinely want to change? How are you with other types of relationships?

― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Tuesday, September 21, 2010 1:29 PM Bookmark

I don't think I have a low sex drive per se. I don't feel like I have less desire to orgasm than anyone else, just less desire to involve anyone else in the pursuit. I probably get off about once a day on average, though naturally that can vary a bit. I do however feel as though I'm wasting my sexual prime.

As far as other relationships go, I have great friends and family and I'd like to think I'm very warm to those I love. It's not as if I hold everyone at arm's distance. I will admit though, that I barely talk to anyone unless they are someone I know or are introduced to me. Not one much for striking up conversation with strangers, even attractive strangers, but I'm not sure that makes me anything other than a Northwesterner. I do realize this is somewhat self-limiting as far as romantic opportunities go.

jesus christ people, let me post

xxp YMMV but I've found it works for me.

(sorry, just hate when i have to go through 5 xpost screens)

Oh, I trust you better to run your affairs than me, snoball, I was just sayin'

I do however feel as though I'm wasting my sexual prime.

I'm 36 and don't feel like it's, er, dropping off in the slightest, despite what people say about "man's sexual peak age 17 blah blah".

jesus christ people = the new zombies

i think it is common when you get older to have longer droughts - maybe partly because you have a clearer idea of all the shit you have to sort out

I often feel as if I never want to worry about relationships unless I have my shit sorted out but I have never had my shit sorted out so

Also I am hearing the thread title to the tune of Tom Jones' "Sex Bomb." and will be for the rest of the day, I'm sure.

I-IIIIII wanna defi-i-ine
the logic of all sex droughts

Sex drought, isn't it nice, ih wait no never mind

lol - sex dwarf was the song it called to my mind

^^^

Sex drought, isn't it nowt, luring disco dollies to a life of gout...

6 years - self imposed as I want to sort out my shit first before looking for another relationship.

imo/ime this is a nice idea in theory, but if we all waited till we had our shit sorted out before getting involved w/someone 99% of ppl would never end up in a relationship.

when you meet the right person, you notice that they actuallly ~help~ you sort your shit out. obv this all depends on what kind of shit we are actually talking about. but generally a relationship is about sorting all kinds of shit out together.

my point: it makes me sad to think ppl want a relationship but don't think they're worthy of one bc they're not perfect in some way yet.

^^^^

and also yknow you dont have to have yr shit completely together just to get laid. and i'm catholic ffs

99% of ppl would never end up in a relationship.

sounds ok to me

A world of single people just dating each other for a half a year at a time and doing a lot of fucking would be great!

as bad as the lack as sex is the feeling that you're rubbish, ugly, boring, a wimp, no social skills, clueless, etc... you know, like nerdy guys who go to bars in a striped shirt from NEXT and look like they're going to shit their pants/come everytime a semi-attractive woman walks past.

especially hate it when you're talking to some normal human man and he's all like "what, you haven't had sex for SIX MONTHS? i'd fucking kill myself mate." and you know some caveman part of his brain wants to kick you out of the tribe for having shitty genes.

just my 2 cents, there.

Part of my not wanting to date (while, at the same time, totally wanting to date) is that I've got so much stuff going on, I need to actually do some of the shit I've been putting off so I have more time where I'm not worried about getting something done.

ie I can go do fun stuff with girlz like visit art museums on weeknights, rather than needing to do laundry so I have clean clothes for work/class

Reverend: If you had been going for ten years without a relationship, I'd be worrying about you, but there's nothing wrong with you and nothing wrong with the way you're going about things. You've got friends and family, and I'll bet that your next romance will come from the former. It's also alright not to be a casual sex person, many people aren't.

I'm 36 and don't feel like it's, er, dropping off in the slightest, despite what people say about "man's sexual peak age 17 blah blah".

I'm 42, and mine's increasing. :-)
Sex hormone levels in men are at their peak at 17, but that has very little to do with actual sex.

feel similar to Rev - I don't really go out of my way to pursue relationships, partly because my mind always defaults to the long-term (i.e. I tend to make gross over-generalizations about ~what our future will be like~ when I meet someone I'm interested in) and partly because when I fall for someone, I fall pretty hard. like the can't-sleep acid-stomach mind-revolves around-them mentality. it's not really healthy and I prefer having mental equilibrium instead.

Haha, I'm not that much of a hopeless romantic, although I used to be.

Reverend: If you had been going for ten years without a relationship, I'd be worrying about you, but there's nothing wrong with you and nothing wrong with the way you're going about things. You've got friends and family, and I'll bet that your next romance will come from the former. It's also alright not to be a casual sex person, many people aren't.

― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Tuesday, September 21, 2010 6:03 PM Bookmark

I've never really been in a real relationship tho. :/

when you meet the right person, you notice that they actuallly ~help~ you sort your shit out. obv this all depends on what kind of shit we are actually talking about. but generally a relationship is about sorting all kinds of shit out together.

I do have to say, I've never really thought about it this way and I find it quite heartening!

On more of a downer note, I've long had a suspicion that I tend to come off as aloof and unattainable to potential romantic interests. Never really been sure what to do about this.

I've never really been in a real relationship tho. :/

What do you think of as a real relationship?

you know, it's perfectly ok to be single, for however long you want. i think it's just assumed that everyone wants to be in a relationship, but if that's not your thing then... that's ok too. i don't think there's anything wrong with it, no matter how long you've gone without being in one.

One lasting more than a couple months of dating.

On a side note, I just invited a girl over for dinner this friday, to which she obliged. I'm not completely hopeless.

hit it, rev! hit it for all of us!!!

(srs tho <3)

One lasting more than a couple months of dating.

I wish I could have had some of those non-real relationships you talk about when I was younger.

My love life before I met my husband at 23: One makeout session with a classmate at 14. A friend of my nephew's who I played around with a couple of times when I came to visit. My nephew, oral sex, once. One date with a classmate in college. And I lost my virginity to another classmate, who I never saw again. No other boyfriends or girlfriends, even casual sexless ones.

Yes, I am bitter about this.

On a side note, I just invited a girl over for dinner this friday, to which she obliged. I'm not completely hopeless.

Good going! I'm really happy for you.

wait - you blew your nephew?

Yes, and vice versa. He was about a year or two younger than me.

(No, I'm not Johnny Fever's aunt, silly people!)

People on tv don't lie when they talk about incest being commonplace.

It's a weird thing, though. I would never do that to a niece or nephew, but I'm not at all damaged or grossed out about what happened to me (maybe because my aunt was only 4 years older and not a full-grown woman).

xp Hi! Aunt Christine.

thread delivers.

My nephew, oral sex, once.

I know this is the TMI board, but UH.

XD

Aside from the nephew thing, that doesn't sound too much less exciting than my own sex life.

anyway my newest thing is calling this thread SEX DRAUGHTS in my head and imagining going off to the pub for a pint of SEX DRAUGHT

haha I have been thinking that same thing

I'll have one.

i thought they closed that place etc

Hahaha!

i could sure use one

I rly prob should not be reading this thread at work imo but wtf.

if only it were that easy to pull at a bar

I've never met anyone at a bar I'd want to go home with, much less engage in a relationship with. But then again, I live in a pretty shitty town.

It was his idea (he'd been away from his girlfriend for a while and was horny as hell) and we'd had a lot of romantic and sexual chemistry between us for the four or five years we knew each other. Like I said, he was the best friend I've ever had and the only regret I have about what we did was that it ruined our friendship. I haven't seen him for twenty-some years.

i'm ok dealing with a drought unless there's someone i'm really crushing on. that can be correlated of course and then u might do something stupid. otherwise don't sweat it, totally fine to be single. just do things you want to do without the objective of sex and maybe you will meet someone who's doing some of those things too.

Besides, I'm thrilled that I've finally been able to gross out ILTMI.

it finally happened

http://11.media.tumblr.com/Tl31aqg2PqrfjmghF1IdiBvQo1_500.gif

lol

i don't have a problem with family members having consensual sex

just do things you want to do without the objective of sex and maybe you will meet someone who's doing some of those things too.

This is the biggest truth bomb this thread's produced so far.

:)

DERAIL ALERT: My aunt hasn't had an easy life. She's the mother of five boys with three fathers, broke her back in a car accident, was hooked on pain pills for years, has been to jail for not paying taxes, and is just generally unhealthy.

What I got out of sexual contact that early? I've always been attracted to women in a position of power or with domineering personalities.

eh. the aunt-nephew barrier had already been broken in this thread. any other aunts and nephews are just walking through the open gates at this point.

xp to christine

Well, that was biography. Not pertinent to the topic at hand, but I wanted to match Christine's follow-up on her nephew. xp

http://i26.tinypic.com/rbf76o.jpg

just kidddddding btw

haha

THIS FORUM IS NOW INCESTED

hahahahaha that moss gif is the best popcorn one I've seen in a long time

I should really get around to seeing that show.

You don't have to answer this, but I wonder if there was any sexual abuse in her past--most 15-year-old girls aren't that aggressive sexually unless something like that happens, and the rest of her bio suggests some trauma in her background.

(Before someone asks: I have no sexual abuse in my past. None whatsoever.)

x-post - (Totally not on topic but it's very hit or miss imo. There is, however, one episode (Gay - The Gay Musical) that is one of the best things ever.)

I've never met anyone at a bar I'd want to go home with, much less engage in a relationship with. But then again, I live in a pretty shitty town.

― Johnny Fever, Wednesday, September 22, 2010 5:18 AM (18 minutes ago) Bookmark

yeah this happened to me once with a girl this summer, then we met again outside the bar and the chemistry fizzled

:/

Anyone up for a game of sex draughts?

"King me, baby! King me!"

I've never met anyone at a bar I'd want to go home with, much less engage in a relationship with. But then again, I live in a pretty shitty town.

I've never been to a bar by myself, so I'll take your word for it.

the last time I met a girl who seemed interested in me at a bar, I ran into her again the next week & learned she has a boyfriend who is in jail for cocaine possession

You don't have to answer this, but I wonder if there was any sexual abuse in her past--most 15-year-old girls aren't that aggressive sexually unless something like that happens, and the rest of her bio suggests some trauma in her background.

(Before someone asks: I have no sexual abuse in my past. None whatsoever.)

― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Wednesday, September 22, 2010 12:39 AM (6 minutes ago)

tbh I have no idea. She lived in Illinois and I lived in Alabama and she would come down for 2 or 3 weeks every summer for a few years. She's actually my mom's half sister from my grandmother's second husband, and I really never knew anything about the guy. From all accounts, though, he was very nice. Those are family accounts, so who knows. And really, it didn't have to be him if there was abuse. It could've come from anywhere. But again, I don't know one way or the other.

My nephew was my nephew by marriage, the son of my foster brother's second wife. The last thing I heard of him was that he was an artist living in the Midwest.

My mom's side of the family is really tight (and really large), and we usually gather at least once a year, so I keep up pretty well with all my aunts and uncles and cousins. And she's almost always there. It's kind of weird to relate with her as an adult, because she's absolutely someone I would never associate with under any other circumstances. If anything, I kind of feel sorry for her now and wonder what was going on with her as a teenager that led to those choices.

Christine you probably should have mentioned that not-by-blood thing a while back.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IgBjPNShc2Q

xp Yeah, you're only related by paper. So really, not gross at all.

I mean, that wasn't really your nephew - just a dude. Are you trying to TMI us?

I mean, that wasn't really your nephew - just a dude. Are you trying to TMI us?

Huh? I'm not trying to get one over on you guys. The major reason why we broke up was his guilt over our incest.

(I'm actually not sure if my parents ever adopted his dad--he's been referred to as both my adoptive and my foster brother.)

Either way, adoptive or foster, you're still not swimming in the same gene pool. You may as well have fooled around with an exchange student.

That's the biological part. The sociological part is a little more dicey, true. Still, it's weird that he would be the one to initiate it and then withdraw. Or maybe not. I could see how that might eat someone alive with guilt.

Yeah this kind of changes that whole story.

I've just googled him. He's two years younger than me and seems to have done very well for himself. I really need to get back in touch with him and, among other things, get some closure on what happened.

Really? If my aunt wrote me an email or whatever and acknowledged what happened so many years after the fact and wanted to pursue a conversation about it, that would creep me out. AND I still see her semi-regularly. If you contact this guy, he's could blow a gasket.

That's why I said "among other things." I'd wait for him to bring it up, of course.

On the other hand, I might wait for him to contact me.

The reason I say this is because it's possible you remember it a lot more clearly (and with more importance) than he does. You married at 23, didn't have much history relationship-wise before that, and have apparently been committed to one person since then. This guy may have had dozens of relationships and lots of sex and perhaps might not want to dig back that deep.

I realized this a year or so ago when my first serious girlfriend/ex-fiancee/girl I lost my virginity to got back in touch with me after her divorce. She was so apologetic and wanted to mend things and all this kind of behavior that I wasn't really interested in because I'd had many chances to get over her and move one, but she'd only had one (she married the next guy she dated after me and had a kid with him). For her, I was only one ex removed, but for me she was about 10 exes ago.

move one=move on

He'd remember me as a close friend even without what happened, but I think you're right--best not to dig it up.

and have apparently been committed to one person since then

I have, but my husband and I haven't--we've had a number of group sex experiences, including one fairly long-lasting friends-with-benefitship. But I've talked about this on ILTMI before, probably a little too much.

Ahh, I was only lurking until a few months ago, so I probably missed that.

this thread is sadly lacking in sex droughts.

not on my part!

2 wisks

http://i54.tinypic.com/2gwhv2u.jpg

I'm going to start saying "2 wisks" far too often for the people around me in the foreseeable future.

Srsy my favorite thing I've found online in a while.

Qiana!

^what my keyboard corrected 'wisks' to.

OK MANJE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlB77vM2FMg

rev,

as a favour to me could you maybe not 'hit that for all of us', leave me out as my gf prob wouldn't understand.

thanks

^ hit it twice for me, then.

poor rev won't be able to enjoy his first sex in years, he'll be too busy crossing off hitit.xls

Yeah, we should take it easy on him. If he's anything like me, the very first time after an extended break doesn't last too long. He needs to focus!

^ neggin

He does masturbate once a day, which should help.

It helps, but it's still very different.

Right. And he may not end up having sex this time.

lol at this

omg he's typing while doing it

I won't be typing during sex til at least Friday evening.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX3-954wV8w&feature=related

Having one of those delightful weeks where I literally cannot think about anything else.

:-)

When I was a teenager, I had one or two days a month of obsessive horniness, every month from the time I was 14-15 to a year or so after high school. I never kept track of the days that it happened (just the months), but I do suspect that it was hormonal in origin. It's come back on occasion for 2-3 month stretches.

For me it's less a seasonal thing (though there is that, sometimes) than sheer blind panic at this huge important part of basic human existence being totally absent from my life. I can't sleep, I don't give a shit at work, I'm constantly on edge and at the point of snapping at people or breaking down in tears and it's making basic social interaction even harder, which is not conducive to solving the problem. It's making me wish prozac was as effective at killing my sex drive as almost every other antidepressant/anti-anxiety med has been- wouldn't get me any closer to getting out of this but at least I wouldn't have the urgent miserable need to get off two or three times a day. Yes, okay, TMI, but that's the name of the board.

Are you feeling horny, or are you feeling an urge to masturbate? There's a difference.

xp - aw man, that sucks - it's this vicious cycle, it seems like -

It's weird how much immensely more satisfying a good fuck is to a good wank.

^^^

practice wanking imo

for my part, i'll practice fucking

ha

practice wanking imo

I was really experimental about this as a teenager--different techniques, places, etc. (Try doing it while naked or near naked in the warm sunlight. It's a trip!)

pfft amateur stuff

Telephone Thing: Go ahead and bump the depression thread if you want to. Sex isn't your biggest problem right now.

Try doing mostly clothed in the cold Irish air!

I was really experimental about this as a teenager--different techniques, places, etc. (Try doing it while naked or near naked in the warm sunlight. It's a trip!)

― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, 22 September 2010 19:29 (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

pfft amateur stuff

― i dont love everything, i love football (darraghmac), 22 September 2010 19:35 (2 minutes ago)

btw i had to delete both 'child's play' and 'baby stuff' before finding a suitable dismissive response.

new thread for wanking exploits i think?

i don't love everything, i love wanking

btw i had to delete both 'child's play' and 'baby stuff' before finding a suitable dismissive response.

Well, I did do it a few times in front of a baby...dog.

new thread for wanking exploits i think?

^ cosign

it's there already

You say that to all the girls, eh?

haHAAA

within range, within reason

2 wisks

that's just fuckin kinky man

got your Egg Beater right here

woooow

now my tum-tum hurts

when did you stop beating your eggs?

LOL

Hey, where did all of the other girls go?

Let's get back to the subject of the thread. TT needs our help.

What I was trying to get at with my last question was, "Are you masturbating because you feel hot and bothered, or are you masturbating to relieve your anxiety?" (It could be both, of course.) You are going through a serious crisis in which sex is only a tiny part. We've talked about your problems before, have you been working on those?

Hey, where did all of the other girls go?

Whoops, didn't see Sarahel a post or two up there. Sorry.

10 months, and my body hates me for it. but pretty close to ending it.

Yeah, I've been working on things...meds, new therapist, etc, but I'm still miserably lonely, socially isolated and, yes, horny. It's kind of the inevitable end result of being starved for meaningful human interaction my entire life; it's just that now I can't distract myself with music and movies and shit anymore.

I think the horniness may be your body telling you that you need physical contact with humans. Physical contact of any kind, not just sexual. That's my wild guess. Have you told your therapist about this?

Working up the nerve to...for whatever reason it's easier to tell a huge group of complete strangers on the internet than someone I'm supposed to be able to trust in face-to-face conversation.

I'm sorry, I shouldn't be hijacking this thread for my support-group bullshit...you're right, though, I do need to bring it up with a professional. Not sure what they'll be able to do, but I doubt it could get worse

We're not as threatening to you as someone sitting face to face with you would be. (I'm the same way.) But, telling him or her is urgent and key. S/he can help you more than we can.

How about bumping the depression thread? We can talk about things there.

dr. indigo sex therapist thread

"My receptionist will give you a receipt for the bill."

Misread that as: We're not as threatening to you as someone sitting on your face would be.

board descrip

yes, now and forever.

Sex drought, isn't it nowt, luring disco dollies to a life of gout...

Marc Almond's voice has been singing this in my head ever since it was posted.

i really like the idea of the collective anonymity of the internet helping people solve their problems

i've admitted stuff on iltmi that nobody irl knows! it's cool like that!

also i dunno if u like dancing but sometimes that fulfills the physical human connection need for me in the absence of sex. it can be relatively anonymous but it can also exacerbate frustration of course

v true, i always enjoy dancin it out

hm that probably came out wrong

that too

i really like the idea of the collective anonymity of the internet helping people solve their problems

^ cosign

also i dunno if u like dancing but sometimes that fulfills the physical human connection need for me in the absence of sex. it can be relatively anonymous but it can also exacerbate frustration of course

Some of the people on this thread are having problems getting women to talk to them, let alone dance with them.

i've admitted stuff on iltmi that nobody irl knows! it's cool like that!

I've admitted stuff on ILTMI that nobody in their right minds would let anyone in RL know about! It's cool like that!

I often find it easier to dance with (unknown) women than talk to them, but that probably makes me an exception.

I am very much a dancing dude.

No, that's pretty much true for me, and I'm only kind of a dancing dude.

xp - women appreciate a dancing dude

I realize this. If I go to the club, I will often have women all over me until I open my mouth.

and then they all fall into it?

^^^ i don't know what this actually means

my advice: grab a mint

I realize this. If I go to the club, I will often have women all over me until I open my mouth.

Hmmm...How do you approach them? What do you say?

Sup girl

About 6 weeks since I last did it, but about 20 years since I last enjoyed it....

Wow, that's kind of grim.

married, lee?

yeah that doesn't sound good at all

I've never enjoyed it.

I didn't mean for that to sound as if I lack sympathy, but why bother if you don't enjoy it?

sex is power

Lee, Eric, what is it about sex (or sex lately) that turns you off?

(Still offline--will respond in a day or so)

Don't like feeling judged/evaluated/obliged.

SI that why you won't give more details on ILX, or why you don't enjoy sex, though?

The latter. If I cared about being judged at ILX, I'd have self-banned myself years ago.

Pretty much resigned to permanent involuntary celibacy at this point.

That's just it, I'm switching to voluntary celibacy. It somehow seems more noble and transcendent.

i like this idea of judging sex. the next time i do it i'm bringing a bunch of score cards so i can hold up "9.2" or whatnot at the appropriate times

"I'm not fucking you for the noblest of reasons, not because I don't really fancy you."

Bang your gavel...

whenever I see this title I sing it to the tune of night moves I don't know why

Don't like feeling judged/evaluated/obliged.

The right woman wouldn't judge you or evaluate you harshly. The 'obliged' part worries me, though. What do you mean by this?

If all goes according, drought should end tomorrow.

christine first things first he is gay

xp get some rev

christine first things first he is gay

Oops. Sorry. *puts paper bag over face*

If all goes according, drought should end tomorrow.

:-)

I have a new lady now. I'm still not 100% over my last one, but probably at the 85% mark so this should go ok.

guessing my drought will end soon, though I don't really want to 'seal the deal' this early.

this shit has gotta ~end~

on new year's eve I will service all ilxors who've gone all of 2010 without

this is a v. controversial program in my householdbut I gotta do what I can for the good of the board

we all say we want the next sitewide mod spot, but only ^ this ^ guy really means it imo

*looks through book called Lying For Fun and Profit*

Oh, and congratulations, San Te.

on new year's eve I will service all ilxors who've gone all of 2010 without

I was planning on changing my personality from 'meek wallflower' to 'playa', but with this offer on the table I can hold out for a few months.

http://edge-img.datpiff.com/mab8f1ef/Lil_Wayne_The_Drought_Is_Over_4-front-large.jpg

*high five*

thanks, brah

cryin shame that denzel jr here ever had to wait on it imo but whatevs u go man

rev i am so pleased we had the same jpeg idea and i am v pleased u got to use it

christine first things first he is gay

Oops. Sorry. *puts paper bag over face*

Not really gay, so take the paper bag off.

*puts a second paper bag on over the first*

oh you're back, is yr bloke ok

He's probably a little freaked to see her wearing two paper bags on her head.

He's OK, but we may have a possible panic disorder on our hands.

I'm having a little trouble breathing with these bags on my head, so I'm taking them off.

rev i am so pleased we had the same jpeg idea and i am v pleased u got to use it

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 4 October 2010 19:58 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Weezy's shirt kind of sending mixed messages tho :/

I CAME amirite

FROM NOTHING

man it's tough to not wanna rush the sex part since my body is basically screaming for it, but it kinda hurt the last relationship when we did it too soon, so gonna test my willpower here. this is like that horrible Josh Hartnett movie except ain't no way I'm gonna last 40 days :)

err 40 MORE days

The standard advice is to say that waiting will make the first coupling that much better, but in my experience, the first time after a long time is nerve-racking and rushed. But the relationship is much more important than a little release. (However, you two may be ready much earlier than you think.)

http://www.tradebit.com/usr/djmixtapez/pub/9002/The-Drought-Is-Over-2.jpg

Wayne needs to get out of jail ASAP or y'all are gonna run out of jpegs

rip wisks

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ this is some shit

rip bongs

hoos did you get it on w/ juggalette

non

am ashamed

Uh. Haven't even really lurked on ILTMI before but gah, where the hell else am I going to do this.

Been married for 8 years. Mr Veg is 11 years older than me, and right now, we probably haven't had sex for 3 years. I think. Might be less. Not because we hate each other or can't stand the sight of each other...I think....maybe just, because we're not *trying* to anymore? We still kiss and hug and hang out and hold hands and giggle and do stupid stuff...but he stays up way later than I do, I sleep like a log so I don't even wake up when he comes to bed...the times I ask him to come to bed he just doesn't want to.

also, I will say this up front....I have a really hard time asking for sex. The few times I have, the one time he said no rang in my ears forever and I get too embarrassed to say anything. So I'm like the girl at the dance waiting to be asked to dance and everyone thinks I'm just lonely and sad and avoid me bc I'm not syaing that I want to dance, you know?

I sound way more pathetic and sad than I should... and again, feel really weird even saying all of this anywhere...but I just had to let it out.

thats sad. maybe the problem is not that you don't ask him, but that he don't ask you..

Or that we don't ask each other. The longer I leave it the more I know there's probably a really simple reason. I just wish I wasn't such a fraidy cat. I mean, I married the guy, what's the worst thing that could happen, you know? It's stupid.

And he and I are both pretty similar in that we both like our own solitary time...so it's like we've fallen into this routine that's more like we're besties sharing a house than a married couple.

I have a really hard time asking for sex. The few times I have, the one time he said no rang in my ears forever and I get too embarrassed to say anything.

But he assumedly has said yes more than once, right? And he is your husband, and you obviously love each other, so, you shouldn't worry about exclaiming, "Mr. Veg to the boudoir!" But, I know from experience that it can be really uncomfortable being the sexual solicitor when you're not in the habit of doing so - either because you're imagining rejection or you just feel like a dork or whatever. And the long-term relationship thing and the vastly different sleep schedules thing -- been there, oh yes.

It sounds like a stalemate situation with so much time having passed that neither of you wants to ask the other anymore for fear of hearing "no". Do you ever take trips just to get away from your day to day environment? I mean, you don't even have to leave the area. Just go find a nice hotel and stay for the weekend. Don't put sex on the table...just frame it as a weekend to get away and indulge yourselves individually and together.

just my 2 cebts.

if it's something you miss, then it's something you should probably talk about. it needn't be an 'ask for sex' thing, but more 'this is something i enjoy and would like to share with u.' vegemites should be able to discuss things.

sorry. it's a tough situation.

And the long-term relationship thing and the vastly different sleep schedules thing -- been there, oh yes.

me too, and yeah sometimes you have to make a conscious effort not to let it *stop things* without either of you really even noticing

It's the routine that needs to be shaken up, and then, hopefully, other things will fall into place.

you both seem to be affraid to talk about it, so either get the courage or talk it together with a third, proffesional person.

lack of communication is the worse.

And he and I are both pretty similar in that we both like our own solitary time...so it's like we've fallen into this routine that's more like we're besties sharing a house than a married couple.

― That is the stench of tyranny (VegemiteGrrrl), Thursday, November 18, 2010 4:23 PM (2 minutes ago)

but that's kinda what a lot of married couples are like!

i'm in a similar situation but i'm on the other side. will need to contribute to this later when i have more time to go into it properly

ok since this is ILTMI - maybe the sex-before-sleep thing just isn't feasible - though it tends to be the most convenient, and long term relationships seem to end up being more about what's convenient as time goes on. Johnny's suggestion of a motel stay is good. But that's kinda a one time thing. When are other occasions/what are other circumstances when getting it on is feasible and desirable?

Sarahel, yeah...I don't really feel like there's a problem in the marriage in general. There's still no-one I'd rather see at the end of the day, and he still can make me laugh til I cry about the silliest things.

I think yeah, I just need to suck it up and be okay just talking about what I want. Without fearing that I'm being 'forward' or 'asking' for something.

And Johnny I think you're right about shaking up the routine.

Oh, as for not-before-bed or the hotel thing...that actually is sort of feasible because we do go to SF occasionally to see concerts or friends or things, and stay in hotels every now and then...I think that's a great suggestion about using that as the golden opportunity.

like - do you guys watch TV/movies together? Cuddle together on the couch? That can easily lead to clothing removal and the boneyard

lol boneyard

Yeah, watching TV and cuddling on the couch is def a thing we do a lot of. It really is lame that I find myself in this position.

well, presumably you know what positions would lead to ... well, you know.

to the boneyard!

ime changing the before-bed routine idea helps a lot with this.

boneyard o u guys

sleep schedules (and by extension friskiness schedules) being out of sync = perfect recipe for sex drought

blame ian for "boneyard"

i mean, you can always just do the old, hand on knee, move up to thigh, move over to genital region ...

diagrams plz

basically - grasp shaft of penis, stroke, nod emphatically and smile

i can't help it, any time i'm watching a movie and my girl pulls that move i slap them, gather my shawl around my shoulders, and storm out of the room. i mean really, what happened to treating a guy like a gentleman

i dunno where 'them' came from in that routine tbh

Diagram noted. Your suggestions are also welcome too darragh, for a gentlemanly gentleman

I have a small suspicion that part of the drought also has to do with Mr Veg's sex drive waning. But, as I'm seeing all too clearly now, the only way to know that for sure is to initiate sex hydration plan and visit the boneyard.

there's always the technique of if he has his arm around your shoulder, take his hand and place firmly on boob

xp

on a serious note, if that might be a concern then i don't advise all -out surprise ball-grabbing as a move.

'on a serious note' followed by that

the gist of my advice is, if you don't feel comfortable verbalizing your boneyard wishes, then perhaps try a physical demonstration -- initiate playful foreplay

if he has his arm around your shoulder, take his hand and place firmly on boob

The perfect cue.

IMO if you are watching TV together with your head on his lap, that is the perfect time to do a covert BJ operation. Oldest move in the book.

does covert mean you do it so he doesn't notice?

Yeah the only time that shit can be covert is if your guy is asleep and you wake him up that way. Otherwise, he's aware of what's going on down there at all times and in every situation.

i reckon the answer is simply 'be naked more often'

I just call all sex initiation "covert operations" and I didn't even realize that made no sense until now.

I'm generally more of a talker than a covert-ops person, so while the boob-grab and thigh-stroke maneuvers are good ones, I'd go with a talk -- just not a talk that has to result in sex right then and there.

"Mr. Veg, I love you like nobody's business, but I'm not ready to spend the rest of my days celibate. Let's figure something out. I've got a case of hot pants."

covert operations = prove as not erotic

"Mr. Veg, I love you like nobody's business, but I'm not ready to spend the rest of my days celibate. Let's figure something out. I've got a case of hot pants."

If Mr. Veg is cool, which I assume he is, using this line verbatim should work.

(wonders if it would be weird to quote WmC when initiating Operation: Boneyard)

You guys are awesome. Thank you so much for the advice & lols, I feel a thousand times better about this now.

Hugs!!

xp *takes a bow*

It defuses tension with humor, it recruits Mr. Veg to the common cause instead of making the situation adversarial. "With you and me solving this thing together, our genitals are not going to know what hit them!"

oh and Johnny, Mr Veg is v v cool :)

I may find a way to cue up some James Brown with the hot pants line...

if you're feeling crafty, you could always make him a handmade invitation to the boneyard

Lololol

or you could repurpose one of any number of Hallmark cards with pictures of dogs on them

http://www.soulstrut.com/images/smileys/dead.gif

wmc otm

http://www.picturehistory.com/images/products/0/0/4/prod_402.jpg
"You are invited to my vagina!"

crut!!!

dying; on way to boneyard

lj - you clearly are not or were ever goth

haha omg crut!

Table for two, please

http://i878.photobucket.com/albums/ab342/MetromixCLE/Boneyard%20Westlake/IMG_2108.jpg

lol

Sadly, it looks empty.

important to remember that the boneyard is open for lunch 7 days a week

Ask about our sliders!

I'm off my game tonight. Normally, I'd be able to come up with all kinds of restaurant/sex euphemisms.

'by all means complain to the chef, he's a sous'

'thighs with that?'

idgi

i can't help it, any time i'm watching a movie and my girl pulls that move i slap them, gather my shawl around my shoulders, and storm out of the room. i mean really, what happened to treating a guy like a gentleman

― Goths in Home & Away in my lifetime (darraghmac), Friday, November 19, 2010 12:39 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

i seriously spent a good 10 seconds trying to figure out what 'them' was being slapped

like, is self-ball-slapping some next level dimmesdale type of or

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2129/1636214047_bf2c507777.jpg

slap tremendo balls ridically

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZP4Ugev82I

brilliant

odd wedding dj slap them all

lolling at "next level dimmesdale type of"

Johnny and WmC otm, good luck Veg!

I have a small suspicion that part of the drought also has to do with Mr Veg's sex drive waning.

And if this is the case, go see the doctor about it. There may be all kinds of physical reasons for a waning sex drive, some of which may have other effects outside the bedroom.

Oh, and wouldn't a boneyard be something that you'd need a cockfarmer to take care of?

my wife has zero sex drive. i think thats the case with most women who have given birth, or am i being naive. I don't think we've had penetration in a few months.

Breast feeding can put a damper on sex drive, in the way that the pill can. After that, though, I think things return to normal typically (did for us).

she gave birth two years ago! she says she doesn't feel attractive because she hasn't lost the baby weight. I tell her she still attractive (which she is, very much so). Problem isn't really the lack of sex, im not bothered by it its the lack of initiation. she never ever initiates.

man lack of initiation is a whole different thread I think

Keep hearing this thread title to the tune of "Sex Weed" in my head.

xxp - did she initiate before?

Initiation of El Joyo De Sexo

so, the issue isn't that her lack of initiation is a possible result of having recently given birth, it's just something that's become a problem/more of one?

basically - grasp shaft of penis, stroke, nod emphatically and smile

we'd wear bathrobes for easier access

actually bought her a Snuggie so she could stay warm during hand action

(now going through my head: why did we break up again? She was way less crazy than the ones who followed her... maybe I should look her up on Facebook)

xp - LOL!

i cant even get my wife to have sex in the bed never mind the couch.

ah, dumper's remorse

don't make this about poop

Doesn't initiate sex. Stops having sex after becoming a mother. Doesn't have sex because she doesn't think a man would find her attractive enough.

Chris, what is this woman's background? How socially conservative was her upbringing? There's a strong whiff of traditional values to what you are saying is happening.

bingo. ct, girls.

?

bingo, chrono trigger, girls

3 games that are easy to play, hard to win

Aces Up, Zangband, boys.

This is fun!

she's an uptight connecticut girl^^^

i was right!

she's an uptight connecticut girl^^^

I'd look into counciling, then. There may be deep-seated problems here that may need a trained person to resolve.

Alternately, how did she give birth, vaginally or by C-section? If she gave birth vaginally, she may have suffered some damage down there that causes pain during sex. If she is as uptight as you say she is, she may not be willing to tell you about it for whatever reason.

how exactly did i end up with a super-drunk girl two minutes from the home of my super-drunk self but end up only saying i'd text her so we could go on a date some time and waving her off home? i mean that's good and all, but DAMN.

u prob did rite thing

nonetheless, condolences

ya you're right. and now since it's snowing (!) i've come home wanting nothing but to listen to the charlie brown christmas album. fuck a sex.

you should split the difference and fuck to charlie brown christmas imo

will propose that by text right now.

lol

whenever this happens I always think of what's my age again

woot woot, got my bj on last night.

http://robsmithjr.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/2009-0215-celebrate.jpg

http://www.wondercliparts.com/congratulations/congratulation_graphics_4.gif

peculiar little addendum to my charlie brown story up there is that last night i spent a good hour talking to this girl about christmas music.

woot woot, got my bj on last night.

:-)

at what point is it ok to complain about being in a drought cause i am only 1.5 months in post-breakup and i am already going nuts

I'm in a month-long drought (almost) INSIDE a relationship! (The openness thing, you ask? Rainchecked. The flight to NZ? Within 2 months)

It's all subjective: if you're having sex on a regular basis, a 1.5 month drought may feel like a looong time. If your sex life is infrequent, 6 months may go by surprisingly quickly. I know, because I've been in both positions.

i'll kill you both, if someone else from this thread doesnt get ye first

i'm already going batty again

lol @ you people complaining about going without for a month.

but really

Getting on for 2 years here. In a relationship, and I have tried acting, talking, humour, sending suggestive poetry et al. The object of my desires has a low sex drive in any case and has recently been suffering from chronic pain. He's just had an op to fix the pain, but is looking at a 6 month recuperation. I've gone beyond suffering from frustration and settled into thinking of myself as celibate. It seems like the only way to preserve my sanity, given that a) there's no chance for the next good while and b) he's always said 'no' more than he's said 'yes'.

I miss the intimacy.

I might possibly maybe get busy a few days after xmas when I visit Atlanta. hooray me! (This will be the first time I've had sex with two different people in the same year since...ever.)

you go girl

lj dogg are you going to stop off in Sydney?

am saving up for just the one flight, sadly...although maybe she and I will take a weekend there before we return to England! :)

You want to help end his drought?

(x-post, dammit!)

ha ha

i am going bonkers

Damn my eyesight, I misread that as 'I am going with hookers'

that's what we call prostitutes here. "bonkers." because they bonk you.

Blackout Crew - "put a bonk on it"

"put a prostiture on it"

Shld read 'prostitute', obv.

im back in the saddle.

xposts to surfingatwork and i guess vegegirl - low sex drive or no sex drive, if your partner has at least one working hand and maybe even a tongue (bonus!) there really is no reason you should be doing without. imo and ime part of a committed relationship is both of you doing things ~for~ each other, without necessarily getting any particular payoff yourself (except the satisfaction that you are making your partner happy).

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWhSfln1O4k

mrs. kkvgz went to her 6 week post-pregnancy checkup today.

in: u need 2 pick up my pills at cvs
out: ok
out: what kinda pills they got you on?
in: bcntrl
out: !

lol @ you people complaining about going without for a month.

was in a relationship for years so it definitely feels like a drought. probably more an issue with sleeping alone as opposed to just sex. but yeah, at what point is it an official shameful drought?

Surfing at Work: Perhaps one of the medications he's on for pain management is lowering his libido?

lol @ you people complaining about going without for a month.

― ENBB, Wednesday, December 1, 2010 3:45 AM Bookmark

u ma(rrie)d

god louis is so damn funny

^^^fuckwant

ck

ok lol

'calvin klein reupholstered my pussy'

Posh spice 'ok' magazine headline

Just1n3, Christine, thanks for your thoughts. I agree, there must be ways he could help out viz. my frustrations and I have been pretty angry about it at times, cuz of the distancing effect of going without. He just doesn't want to. Alcohol is lowering his libido imo, but I'm trying not to underestimate the knock-on effects of pain either: lack of sleep, stress, depression (all feeding back into the drinking, in a really charming spiral). OTOH perhaps he just doesn't like sex / me all that much.

He'll be recuperated in a few months. If we're still speaking, perhaps I'll find out.

OTOH perhaps he just doesn't like me all that much

I think this, plus depression, may be the answer.

eeh, i don't know about that? serious illness, serious medication, serious and unfortunate self-medication, they all really play into making a person be not who they really are.

*nods*

did you exactly mean your previous response? because that is pretty wtf

No, I was agreeing with you.

It's not that wtf, tbh. Seems like a real possibility to me.

im back in the saddle.

Somehow we missed this! Congratulations matey.

big ups

wonder if there's a distinction between my desire for sex and my desire for intimacy? does confuse matters a bit.

insomnia can sure bring out the emo tmi in a fella.

tbh i often feel more bad about the lack of the latter than the lack of the former.

well that lasted about a week.

You two are back to no sex again?

I believe that is what he implied, yes, although we can ask him for details in depth.

ILpryingforTMI