The super-basic questions thread for non-cooks

This was a good thread!

I was too mean in this thread in 2007. I will be nicer.

You were. I was appalled.

I'm glad this thread was revived -- I have no memory of being that horrible, but there's the evidence. Jergins and ILC, I apologize.

You weren't that bad! Jergins is a capable lad, he can sort himself out.

you've said worse things to me in the past DAY

how about i go get a döner kebab and some beer and forget i ever started this thread.

― jergincito, Saturday, March 10, 2007 7:28 PM (5 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i am feeling this post at the moment tbh

lex would you ever get an EZ cracker

could everyone here cook for me so i never have to learn

i can heat up water for instant oatmeal

no because gadgets and kitchenware are some of the things that most often go wrong with cooking, along with the rest of it

xp

Markers, do you have a microwave oven?

wait markers, the 7-11 lets you heat up water?

wmc: yes!

dayo: yes!

Cool, then here's an oatmeal tip: regular oatmeal is just as easy as instant oatmeal, tastes better, has a better texture, and is more adaptable as far as flavoring it to your personal preference. Probably healthier too. 2 parts water to 1 part oats, pinch of salt, nuke for 3:00 on high.

!

thank you! i didn't really know you could do that. i think we might have some of that stuff upstairs. i'll check and try something like that out and report back

Haha WmC you say all that and then you say to microwave it?? Probably takes 2 minutes longer on the hob

But washing up the pan is a task from Hell.

(incidentally - you're better off soaking with cold water, not hot, for starchy things like pasta/potatoes/porridge).

But washing up the pan is a task from Hell.

― Fizzles, Friday, March 16, 2012 10:24 AM (6 minutes ago)

Exactly!

How do I toss a salad so all the heavy stuff doesn't just wind up on the bottom and keep the presentation looking nice?

Dress the greens and then add the toppings afterward.

If the toppings need dressing, do it in a separate bowl first.

xxp: oh phew, this is I Love Cooking

I don't toss a salad -- I just put the stuff I am going to eat in the bowl I'm going to eat it from, dump vinegar and oil on it, then cut it with a knife and fork so it blends. I don't EVER eat creamy/thick dressing though.

I like to taste the vegetables I'm eating, so not a lot of dressing for me in general.

xxpost LOL

washing up the pan is a task from Hell.

give me a break. first of all, don't let it burn on the bottom. second of all, if you DO let it burn on the bottom, just squirt some detergent in it, put some water in and let it soak for 10 minutes or whatever, sheesh. i like doing it on the hob so i can stir in raisins, pour in a bit of milk, etc. i think the stirring makes it creamier.

What's wrong with the microwave?

tracer is this super-basic for non-cooks thread
go easy on em

Yeah, seriously. There's nothing in the universe wrong with not wanting to wash an extra dish.

After I've microwaved the oatmeal for three minutes and let it set for about one minute, I stir in the flavorings -- some butter, some milk, some sugar or honey, some cinnamon. The stirring definitely makes it creamier, but I don't see any need to do it over heat. And one bowl to wash is better than a bowl and a saucepan.

give me a break.

Clearly you are a person who washes up more or less immediately after using things. Dried porridge. Adhesive stuff.

1. take porridge out of pan
2. add some water to the pan from the tap - maybe even quirt in some detergent and hot water!
3. eat, do whatever
4. wash up pan

*squirt

It certainly isn't complicated I agree, and yet...

Gah you guys are being such pedants! It's a thread for ppl who don't cook, give them a break ffs!

the thought of washing up puts me off even stirring pesto into pasta in the pot, also any and all frying, also anything requiring "separate bowls"

frying is super messy, i agree

do you use dishwashing gloves? i find that they reduce the yuck factor at least a little.

it's not really the yuck factor so much as the...lazy factor. i don't mind scrubbing stuff. but even leaving it a couple of hours after the meal makes it so much more of a hassle - it's just Another Thing to remember doing and i have enough of those generally

then i cannot help you
you have to consider cooking to be a valuable activity if you are going to motivate yourself to do it

yeah that's why you have to do it pretty much right after. it's one of those grown-up things like actually opening mail.

oh lex

i am the dishwasher in our household, and while i don't mind it (gets me out of shit like cleaning floors), i'm always amazed how many dishes we generate in one day (or one meal).

like a couple pots and pans for heating things up, plates, salad bowls, and small bowls or ramekins for the all-important dipping sauces

it's one of those grown-up things like actually opening mail.

oh god i am terrible at this too!

if someone else has been good enough to cook for me i'm happy to do all the washing up but doing it all myself, punctuated by 10 minutes of eating...

i wish at some point in my life i'd had someone to cook with but right now it's just years of resentment built up at hearing "it's so easy" "it's an essential life skill" "why don't you cook" etc etc etc

fuck opening mail

Just try it, and make it a part of your routine. Make sandwiches! Make salads. Make anything.

Start with things that are based on assembly and require no extra dishes to wash, then work your way up from there.

i'm hard on you lex because i've been there. there have been checks i failed to cash in time purely because i left the envelope lying unopened for like three months

if i could think of any cookbook to give lex it might be the long out of print "a cookbook for poor poets (and others)", which has a whole section on "one pot meals" and whose initial injunction is to have always, at a minimum, some bread, some butter, and a bottle of wine

For example:

Get a rotisserie chicken and pick off all the chicken. Use it to make salads! Tacos/tostadas! Sandwiches. Whatever. You do not have to actually cook the chicken to make things with the chicken. You just have to actually have edible food in your kitchen and put it together and then eat it.

I also hate opening mail btw. Love cooking, though.

problem with always having some bread if one is not actually a poor poet is that it translates to one always having some stale bread, and one always throwing a lot of bread away.

Ducks, ledge, ducks.

Though if you try feeding the ducks in London it quickly becomes a scene from The Birds.

i freeze bread! sometimes on the day of purchase, sometimes if i've had it lying around for a few days and know i won't be able to finish it before it gets mouldy. then it's just raw toast

there have been checks i failed to cash in time purely because i left the envelope lying unopened for like three months

my entire life

I lost (paper) plane tickets about 13 years ago because they were buried under a pile of mail I was avoiding. When I found them, I wrote NEVER LOSE ANYTHING EVER AGAIN on the envelope and I still have it.

and the plane tickets

organising my life is a process. i'm just about getting there w/r/t finances. i know where my keys are about 60% of the time which is a huge improvement.

i actually really like...unmixed food? idk whether this is odd. i like eating ingredients separately and will often do so way before i realise they can be put together.

Fine then, focus on things that require assembly rather than 'cooking'

Or just eat a handful of chicken

then a handful of lettuce followed by a handful of bread. it will make a sandwich in your stomach.

You do not have to actually cook the chicken to make things with the chicken.

This is the truest fact I have seen in all week. It's now on my office wall.

Re. bread freezing. Slice bread, put 2-3 slices per bag into freezer bag, can be debagged and toasted from frozen. Takes only a few seconds longer to toast than fresh bread.

This assumes you need to slice your own bread, I don't buy sliced, but if you do - even easier!

rice cooker oatmeal 4 life

Rotisserie chicken, if you can get a well-seasoned and tasty one that doesn't turn to pools of fat in the bag, from a pretty good grocer, is like the most useful thing ever. It makes SO MANY OTHER THINGS and can last one person like A WEEK.

Then if you are slightly more than a non-cooking cook, you can freeze those suckers to make stock with later without ever cleaning or roasting the chix yourself.

Plus they're like $5 or $6 usually!

We get them at Costco (it's on my way home from work) - inexpensive, hot and tasty. Chop meat + skin, mix with broccoli, cream, shredded cheese of some sort, bake if feeling fancy, nuke for 6 minutes if not, eat.

I like the costco chickens but since I rarely drive during the week, I just roast my own - it's pretty simple.

Yeah, I don't get home until well after 7 most nights anymore. We end up mostly roasting chicken thighs now instead of whole birds.

I do that a lot too. Good portion control and they cook pretty fast.

I don't get the hate for washing dishes upthread, I love washing dishes. anyway, I've never been able to get emulsifying a dressing? Any tips?

do you add mustard?

sometimes, depending on what sort of dressing I'm trying to make, but most of the dressings I've made from scratch failed to taste like I want them to.

I don't usually make "dressing" -- just oil + vinegar. Sometimes I've made vinaigrettes, but usually I just whip with a fork.

i whip my food back and forth

xxpost well mustard helps it emulsify

Just oil and vinegar gets old, I like flavor, like blue cheese vinaigrette or cucumber poppy seed vinaigrette or avocado vinaigrette, but they never work.

maybe you just need to shake them up in something, for a longer amount of time?

I never thought of using a shaker!

I use old jelly jars with screw-on lids. Spoonful of mustard right out of the jar + glug glug of red wine vinegar + 3 shakes of salt and 4 turns of pepper = shake up really well. Then glug glug glug of olive oil. Shake again. Taste. If too sharp and acidic, add more oil. If too tongue-coaty, add more vin.

Not all mustard/jelly jars seal liquid-tight, fyi. Shake over sink if yours leaks.

I've always used a whisk

lemon instead of vinegar can freshen up a salad, esp in summer with some torn up basil amidst the other leaves.

Nuh uh. This was the jelly jar is what the dressing is stored in. So if you end up having to add some ingreds to get it to taste right, you save the rest for later, it's not wasted. And it keeps for weeks and weeks. Just shake up again to use.

xp I love lemon acidity too but shhh was trying not to overwhelm w options.

*This way

rough guide i don't really follow:

lemon = lettuce-only salad, or maybe if you're having the salad alongside fish
vinegar = salad w/ tomatoes in

also sometimes olive oil is too strong to have in a salad and a thinner veg oil will work better

I put lemon on kale, usually, and red wine vin (maybe with a splash of balsamic if I want sweetness) on arugula & spinach salads. Don't really eat lettuce, I guess.

Just oil and vinegar gets old, I like flavor, like blue cheese vinaigrette or cucumber poppy seed vinaigrette or avocado vinaigrette, but they never work.

― JacobSanders, Friday, March 16, 2012 1:19 PM (7 hours ago) Bookmark

dude sounds like you should get a food processor or blender with that. also those tools totally emulsify the shit out of whatever you put in there

A good stick blender is worth every penny.

true dat i have a small food pro, a blender (which i never use for anything other than beverages) and the stick blender. and i use them often, boyo.

emulsifyin up what have u

realized that i shd probably start talking cooking over here instead of doing wheelies all over the ILE threads :)

- jelly jars for salad dressing is the easiest. emulsifies really good.
- different flavored vinegars like red wine, white wine, balsamic etc is an easy way to change dressing but that's probably super way too obv
- mustard awesome in dressing, also dried herbs can be kinda useful here if you aren't averse to keeping them around

- I was told of a salad mixing trick that tends to work pretty well for distribution:
- put the dressing in the bottom of the empty salad bowl (usually only a couple of TBs is all you need, unless you like a really super-wet-crazily-dressed salad.
- put veggies/all your salad extras in the bowl, minus the leafs
- put the leafs in last
- take your salad mixers or two spoons or w/e and grab what's on the bottom and pull it to the top. Do that a few times til everything's mixed.
- salad: tossed

This assumes you need to slice your own bread, I don't buy sliced, but if you do - even easier!

Where in the world would you even buy unsliced bread?

Of course you can find unsliced baguettes, but not regular loaf bread.

a good bakery will sell unsliced loaves

I often use empty spice jars for my dressing, as it usually makes enough in the jar for one salad!

lemonjuice based dressing, also good on a basic pasta salad (cold cooked spiral pasta, a few chopped things eg olives, spinach leaves, sundried tomatoes, artichokes from a jar, etc), dressing, stir. Tuna also if yr not veggie.

The food co-op here bakes good bread and sells them unsliced. They have a self-serve automatic bread slicing machine by the checkout though should you desire to have it sliced, which I usually opt to do.

Jesse, Treasure Island sells unsliced bread that they will slice for you in their slicing machine.

Huh. I have never noticed unsliced bread anywhere, but I've probably just repressed the memories.

are you wearing sunglasses, like in They Live? That might be why

I often use old mustard jars to make and keep dressings.

I've said this before on ilx, but I will again. Sometimes instead of oil, I use greek yogurt in salad dressings. You might give that a try, jacob, since it emulsifies every bit as well as oil and it's great for coating the salad. The flavors of whatever you add (pepper, herbs, mustard, etc...) also infuse pretty handily with yogurt but you might want to taste before adding somethings since greek yogurt is pretty tangy.

Roast chicken juices, esp if the chicken has been cooked with a lemon in it, are an exceptional leaf salad dressing.

Oh wow, Greek yogurt. Great idea.

I'm not sure I'm quite on board w/ the chicken juices, but it sounds interesting.

chicken juices great for combo bread/leaf salad, if you're into that kind of thing. You don't need much, but it's kind of a cool flavorsome touch for a special occasion dinner.

scrambled eggs. why do mine taste of nothing? what can i add to increase flavour?

Salt & pepper are an absolute must-have.

Good options:
A bit of sharp cheddar.

Minced chives.

Fresh thyme and scrambled eggs play together very well.

If you're not vegetarian and have it on hand, mince up a bit of smoked salmon or gravlax into the egg before scrambling.

My choice - lots of butter, cook slowly, don't overcook - my preference is for these soft, barely set curds rather than the polystyrene blocks. Salt and pepper. Also, fresh eggs.

Here is how I make basic "weekend" scrambled eggs (because they are really rich):

Add to a bowl: two eggs, salt, pepper, grated sharp cheddar cheese, and maybe a tablespoon one of the following dairy products: cream, milk, sour cream, plain yogurt.
Whip them up real good.
Meanwhile, melt some butter in a pan over low heat.
When the butter is melted, add the eggs. Let them sit a minute before you start messing with them, and then stir them gently over low heat. Right about the time you think they are almost done but could use another minute, turn the pan off.

barely-cooked >>> undercooked >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> overcooked

^yes, good point - they carry on cooking after you turn the heat off. xpost.

xp Those are basic. I also like to add onions, mushrooms, and diced ham or Canadian bacon. I dice all that stuff small, and saute thoroughly before adding more butter and the eggs. Otherwise the mushrooms will be too wet, plus I hate hate hate underdone vegetables in scrambled eggs.

Ste, what is your scrambled eggs method?

great. although i despise cheese to the point of wretching even at the smell, but i'll try the other suggestions.

I knew about the turning the heat off before they are cooked thing.

I put salt and pepper in, maybe i'm not putting enough in. also never tried butter instead of olive oil so i'll give that a go.

xp. yeah i use olive oil. a pinch of salt and pepper, a few eggs, some milk.

(straight from the "how to cook everything" book btw)

Personally I don't use milk.

I really think butter is key. Dairy and eggs are such a nice combo.

The milk/dairy mixed in is supposed to help with something... molecular... and make them more tender? I can't remember but I read or saw it somewhere and have accepted it as gospel every since. Also my mom always added milk to scrambled eggs.

I really want some scrambled eggs now.

I usually don't use milk; the fat is either butter or bacon fat, if I've fried some bacon to go with the meal the eggs are part of.

Julia Child taught me to ALWAYS paper-towel dry mushrooms before cooking - better sear or something (xpost to j's "...so they aren't wet" comment.

My method is similar to what I'm seeing here but I use water - heard it makes the eggs fluffier, so to speak.

This random website says to use water, not milk: http://www.i-hate-cooking-recipes.com/why-put-milk-in-eggs-for-omelets.html

xp!

Even if you towel dry mushrooms, they still release a ton of water when you cook them.

Frying mushrooms is so much fun...it's like a whole cooking class in microcosm.

a pinch of salt and pepper

^^this is your problem right here^^

a pinch of salt is right but you need a really good dose of freshly ground black pepper

I've heard the same thing about dairy doing...something...but I never bother, mostly cause I never have any dairy in the house other than yogurt, which just seems kind of odd in scrambled eggs but might actually be good.

Butter is essential, and they don't seem quite right without it. Also I love the eggs at the hippies with chickens in their yard and 4H kids sell through the co-op. And tons of fresh ground black pepper at the end.

my gf has taught me that the main mistake people make in their cooking is not adding way more spice than you think you need. especially a shitload of granulated garlic powder.

I never use butter in my scrambled eggs -- I prefer to add flavor with spinach, onions, hot sauce, avocado (and s/p obvs)

you can make really yummy fried eggs with sesame oil btw

this is how i do it up usually
http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3440/4562680849_9662bd4ea4_o.jpg

RIP that fern

Even if you towel dry mushrooms, they still release a ton of water when you cook them.

this is true. Mushroom lovers should look up Julia Child's recipe in which they sweat out then re-gain all waters/oils and result in divine deliciousness.

ste i would say also you could probably do w/ a lil bit more than just a pinch of salt (but then i always say that abt salt)

salt, pepper, butter. a dash of milk if you want.

and if you can find farm-fresh eggs, they're worth it.

ste i would say also you could probably do w/ a lil bit more than just a pinch of salt

^^^ I agree w/this. The 3 foods whose flavors really bloom with generous salting are eggs, potatoes and corn, imo.

otm

i find that it's really easy to over-salt eggs. hard to over-pepper, though.

when my parents scramble eggs for used in fried rice they oversalt the eggs but don't really salt the rice, I find it's a great balance

(and i love salty food)