Duke Nukem Forever Release Date OMFG AT LAST!!!!

FIVE FUCKING YEARS FOR A VIRTUAL BLOW JOB?! THAT'S IT?!

HAs there been any DNF stuff released of late? Screenshots, press releases, anything?

another gamer board joke:

which will come out sooner -- "Duke Nukem Forever" or "Chinese Democracy"?

The release date of this game is "When it's done". Anything else, and we mean anything else is someone's speculation. There is no date. We don't know any date. If you have a friend who claims they have "inside info", or there's some game news site, or some computer store at the mall who claims they know - they do not. They are making it up. There is no date. Period.

And yes, we know the game has taken a long time. There's no possible joke you could make about the game's development time that we haven't already heard.

"What's taking so long?": Lots of things. We had too few programmers early on. Some tech took too long to do. We switched engines. We started over a time or two. And a bunch of other stuff. Point is, we know it's late, and you know it's late. Let's stop talking about it, ok?

We're not going to debate development with you. Our job is to deliver the best game we can. Your job is to buy it or not, based on many factors. We don't have to listen to you telling us how we're doing everything wrong, in the process :-) We're old and stuck in our ways, and you won't change our minds, so just accept that.

System Specs: They are going to be steep. You will need a video card with pixel shaders. A GeForce 3 will be about the minimum card, and ideally you will want something like the latest ATI or nVidia card. Sure, the game will probably run on a GeForce 1/2, but you're not going to want to.

As for CPU? The more the better. A 1Ghz is a pretty slow machine these days, and you're probably going to want a 2 Ghz or better. DO NOT buy hardware for the game now. Wait until it's done and see where things are then.

We started over a time or two.

up to three times now, innit?

They've been moving the release date back a couple of months every couple of months. It's just an excuse to rake in pre-order cash.

"RRP £34.99" seems a bit stupid, given that the retailer doesn't actually have a product to recommend a price for.

why is such a big deal for?

don't understand why everyone's going batshit over perfect dark zero too - I mean, did they PLAY the N64 version?

This is what I wanted to say, but I'm too much of a coward. The whole "punch in the face chastising you" thing was excellent too. In Goldeneye the slaps were useless.

goldeneye flew in comparison and even that was pretty slow & choppy

the N64 was lame :(

I'm going for 3rd November 2006

-- Onimo

Still waiting fuckers.

Things that have happened since DNF was announced: http://duke.a-13.net/ (slightly out of date)

Meanwhile, Duke3D is possibly being ported to XBLA - http://www.worthplaying.com/article.php?sid=45093&mode=thread&order=0&thold=0

That "Thing that have happened" link is fucking brilliant. My faves:

"Things that have taken less time than Duke Nukem Forever's Development:

X World War I
X World War II and the entire Manhattan Project.
X The Wright brothers designed and flew the first airplane.
X The United States' entire program to put a man on the moon, from Kennedy's challenge to the landing.

BTW, I'm still not entirely convinced that Duke Nukem Forever isn't a giant joke. I mean, they did call it "forever..."

Fucksake. I believed this thread title a year ago and I just did again. Why do you people do this to me!?

In the year 2525
will we play Duke Forever on Xbox Live?

Gameplay says: Released: 28 March 2008 (I think it's been in their pre-order chart for about 4 years, currently at #7)

Amazon UK says: Release Date: 30 Mar 2008 - also rated 4/5 based on 10 reviews...

lol at zager + evan's reference

TEASER TRAILER

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cWuteFLUPSY

so not gonna happen

I know, I should stop believing this is anything other than a piss-take.

nah, it'll come out to little fanfare in like a year, sandwiched between three AAA titles, and sell only 60,000 copies until they make an even shittier x360 port which does surprisingly decent despite its 56 metascore.

also, i like how its yourube id has "WuteFLUPSY" in it, it sounds like a tv show with bunnies or something

A very reliable source close to Duke Nukem Forever developer 3D Realms today confirmed to Shacknews that the development studio has shut down.

The closure came about as a result of funding issues, our source explained, with the shut down said to affect both 3D Realms and the recently resurrected Apogee. Employees of both entities have already been let go.

http://www.shacknews.com/onearticle.x/58519

"In addition, Take-Two continues to retain the publishing rights to Duke Nukem Forever," he added

oh jesus

why even get excited about this game?

i don't think anyone is excited. Unless they're excited by lols.

well, i was kind of inferring that to the general gaming populace, not ilx as such. nobody on ilx gets excited by anything do they?

Goodbye Forever

Excited is the wrong word, but interested, definitely. It's kind of sad that the joke ends this way - at least I believed they would eventually put out something just to accomplish it. Hell, Team Fortress 2 something like eight years to complete and came out awesome, though I wasn't expecting anything remotely that good. Not even really a Duke fan - I liked the 2D games more than Duke3D.

http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/take-two-sues-over-duke-nukem-fiasco

I like that they have a shopto.net link to pre-order the game on next to this story

which will come out sooner -- "Duke Nukem Forever" or "Chinese Democracy"?

Who'd have thought?

http://gamingisstupid.com/2007/12/17/the-chair-story-original/

Still my favourite piece of DNF-related writing.

30% amusing, 70% man I just wasted 5 minutes reading this

http://www.edge-online.com/news/3d-realms-“has-not-closed”

Sounds messy.

lol

(context)

D-:

I thought this had finally been released a couple of years ago. I guess that particular postponement was a close call. I remember being excited seeing the first screenshots in PC Gamer, when I was TWELVE YEARS OLD.

makes sense that 3D Realms are now falling apart a bit, but how on earth did they stay alive for so long while doing not much of anything?

get thee to wikipedia, it's a long story

http://sixthman.net/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/may.jpg

there was a big preview of this in pc gamer a couple months ago where they couldnt publish screen shots, so they actually took a courtroom artist along and had them draw pictures of the writer playing the game - it was actually pretty cool & funny

of course Duke 3D's one of the greatest games ever made and they prob cant recapture the magic, but they can still make a good game - some of the things the dev being interviewed said piqued my interest, especially about how gamers today have been conditioned not to do some of the things that made D3D so cool, like constantly exploring and testing the game environment with the expectation that you'll be rewarded with interesting and surprising feedback. technology's changed a lot since then, but the innovations of duke 3d haven't been leveraged in a comparable way.

http://www.esrb.org/ratings/synopsis.jsp?Certificate=30650

Bathroom humor includes the ability to urinate in toilets or urinals and/or pick up feces from toilets and throw it against walls.

I watched the trailer and the best thing about it was the urination clip. They blurred out Duke's penis but I imagine that it won't be blurred out in the game. In which case Duke Nukem 4 will join the ranks of the greats in the history of video game nudity

guys

it's taken longer than a very long thing

but

http://gbxforums.gearboxsoftware.com/showthread.php?t=121799

http://desmond.yfrog.com/Himg619/scaled.php?tn=0&server=619&filename=j7qujh.jpg&xsize=640&ysize=640

My housemate has actually scheduled 2 weeks of leave around the release of this thing.

If it doesnt come out, I think I'll leave the country for a while cos he'll be more than a bit ropeable. All these years, he's been a bit like Bart was at Kamp Krusty, sitting in a corner rocking back and forth, muttering "Duke is coming, Duke is coming..."

Bathroom humor includes the ability to urinate in toilets or urinals and/or pick up feces from toilets and throw it against walls.

― ℳℴℯ　❤＼(◕‿◕✿ (Princess TamTam), Tuesday, 1 March 2011 23:18 (2 months ago)

Dudes G.G. Allin simulation

New Sims expansion pack. Sims3: StageCrap

Also Duke3D kinda sucked, why did anybody care about this in the first place except for lols?

As the dude who loves deadly premonition and keeps trying to convince some poor sap to buy naughty bear I am prob the target audience for this huh

any estimate as to how much money was sunk into this thing over the past 15 years?

Also Duke3D kinda sucked, why did anybody care about this in the first place except for lols?

― when use becomes abuse (S-), Thursday, May 26, 2011 9:00 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

Duke 3D through the first episode was just a really good, thoughtfully designed FPS... after that it kinda turns to crud, but still it was a pretty good game in its day

DNF will be horrible of course

Horrible let down, if nothing else. There's just no way it can live up to... how many years of wait has it been now? 15?

Duke 3D was okay, nothing amazing tho and so no fucking way do i care about this new one

I can't get excited about something that's going to be Bulletstorm with pole dancers.

The thing I remember being great about the original DN3D was just that it was pretty much the first FPS to use realistic locations. While everything else back then was still alien bases or castles or whatever, Duke Nukem was the first to recreate kitchens and high streets and bathrooms and bars and discos. That's long since stopped being a USP though.

really, sadly tbf, the only thing i remember is the strip club

Well yeah, the impression I get is that nobody behind DNF realises that was what was good about the last one anyway. They all seem to think it was the boobs and the fact you could take a piss that made it good. It wasn't.

I suspect that the primary (and possibly singular) goal of DNF is to recoup as much of the 14-year budget as possible.

true. don't remember even doing the pissing thing. i played the game, not even knowing anything about it and didn't know anybody else who played it. don't even recall where i got it from, certainly didn't pay for it, was it shareware?

so to me it was just some other fps, doom like, with some more familiar surroundings like you say. i remember enjoying it though, enough to go back and replay anyway.

i was always on a Dark Forces tip myself, in fact the strip club section always reminded me of the Bounty Hunter city section in Dark Forces with all the neon lights and pig faced bad guys.

xp

Was it the first to have mirrors too? I think it may have been. I remember that being something that felt pretty wow at the time.

I remember having some good times playing DN3D multiplayer. The freeze rays, shrink rays and trip mines in particular were a lot of fun.

The mirrors in DN3D actually had rooms behind them with a Duke dummy matching your movements.

whoa, really

Possibly not.
http://www.giantbomb.com/functional-mirrors/92-4618/

abbanana you fuckhole!

demo crashes on startup. hooray

that article is wrong, the mirrors would not reflect damage to the room (broken toilets, etc). you could use dnclip and enter the mirror-rooms.

yeah no way old DN didn't just use simple clone models for mirror effects, as opposed to some sophisticated rendering method of ray casting

No comments about this since official release last night? Apparently the purchased game CD exe was fucked or locked or something and ppl had to dload several patches to get it to go.

No idea how good it is, but the housemate started playing at midnight and i heard him go to bed at 5.30 am, so it cant have been terrible.

...unless he fell asleep in front of his PC an hour in, haw.

...well, im wrong, he says it was terrible.

Saw the TV ad - or was it in the cinema? </amnesia> Anyway it was all strip clubs and pixellated boobies, thought it was for a new 50 cent game.

it's kind of o_O to see ads for this on television

I feel a little like Snufflupagus has just been declared real all over again

looks terrible from the ads, FPS don't hold much retro appeal imo.

I guess now that Duke Nukem Forever and Chinese Democracy have come out, we are only a JD Salinger novel coming out away from the apocalypse.

http://arstechnica.com/gaming/news/2011/06/duke-nukems-pr-threatens-to-punish-sites-that-run-negative-reviews.ars

http://answers.downloadatoz.com/q,1910,duke-nukem-forever-how-to-find-and-steal-a-piece-of-poo-help.html

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WALA791OZ_4

http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmunsuzaD11qzs5cqo1_500.jpg

i think the answer to tamtam's link is actually: http://isohunt.com/torrents/duke+nukem+forever

lol bnw i was going to make that joke

lolo

http://arstechnica.com/gaming/news/2011/06/duke-nukems-pr-threatens-to-punish-sites-that-run-negative-reviews.ars

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bFD47bTQs_o#t=2m59s

goddammit that was supposed to link right to the "Duketastrophe" quote

best-laid plans, etc.

The comments on this review are just brutal:

http://www.1up.com/reviews/duke-nukem-forever-review

A lot of butthurt comments from people who've been waiting 12/14 years for DNF and will do any amount of mental reality distortion rather than admit it's shit.

suuuuuur-prise...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwkP-GWok2s

most appropriate display name ever

Oh look, the demo is up on xbox live. Goin in

dude no

Dudes don't let other dudes play DNF...

Wow this is. Wow

;_;

RIP jjjusten, we warned you about DNF

press the use button ( x )

That was actually worse than expected

best 7 posts on ilx ever

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r111yx2XvkA
"that's a pro tip for life"

i don't want to admit it, but that video made me laugh like crazy

BATMAN AIN'T GOT SHIT

I played this demo last night.

Mostly I just peed in all the toilets and turned all the showers and sinks on and wrote I LOVE GAMES on the whiteboard.

that video

OMG That is the exact angle you would drink water. 12 YEARS!!

http://www.eurogamer.net/articles/2012-09-25-3d-realms-returns-with-post-apocalyptic-fps-earth-no-more-on-new-crowdfunding-site-gambitious

I'm going to go out on a limb and say: this won't ever come out.