ILX Parenting 5: I'm a big kid now

we were pretty much on schedule, went in for a routine check and they said it looked like things were starting and we should just stay at the hospital. so it was a surprise but not in a scary/traumatic way. fortunately we had thought to throw the overnight bag in the car before leaving, just in case.

and the life of my unborn child.

If I'd been up until 4am in excruciating pain for days because of this goddamned baby-having, I'd have cussed you out for that too. WHOSE child is this again??

whoops, that was a total slip. "our" obviously.

Which sort of reminds me of a good tip for parents of a newborn -- depending on your respective personalities, there's a good chance that the utter exhaustion and anxieties of the early days of the babies life may lead you to some abnormal bickering or fighting. You get no sleep and you constantly worry that something might be wrong, and if you're not careful there are all kinds of traps to fall into -- getting sanctimonious about your respective opinions of what should be done, paranoia, blame, etc. It's always a good idea to be self-aware and to step back from moments where you catch yourself doing stuff like that -- getting defense, blaming the other person, getting stricken with terror that the fact that the baby didn't take a nap will mean his health is at risk, etc.

sorry "getting defensive"

I think you can start doing that after the L&D but I don't really suggest bringing it up with a woman who's been having back labor for several days.

cosign, but just to clear things up, I'm sure I didn't exactly say "my child" or "our child" but was probably like "the baby". She yelled at me because no damn way was she turning around and putting on the seatbelt and that's just the way that went.

hurting otm about being able to "catch yourself" when it comes to getting defensive or blaming your partner for things. i was telling a soon-to-be-new-dad recently my only real piece of parenting advice recently: if you catch yourself thinking "well, i did [specific parenting task] last time, wife should do it this time" you should probably do that specific task again (and again!). There are probably a dozen things you haven't done.

yeah I mean it's good relationship advice in general, but something about the craziness of the first weeks of parenting amplifies these things 1000x

Not recognizing I am having contractions until it is almost too late is my fear. We have an hour drive to the center and the midwife has said one minute long at five minutes apart is when we should head out.

i keep reading this thread to see if your baby is here yet, best wishes!

Thank you, estela. Not yet and it doesn't feel like I am even close. She is due today, my birthday is Saturday and it is a new moon and a few people have commented that the moon could draw her out.

I got to hang out in the newborn nursery the other day, watched a new father meet his babby for the first time and make a teary phone call to his parents, I got a little verklempt

btw testing all the newborn reflexes is a slightly guilty source of lolz, mea culpa

evie is being supercranky and picky and stubborn this week and we're totally at a loss as to whether she's sick, teething, or just suddenly a toddler. she was being lethargic on monday but no fever or any other indication of sickness, but now is refusing most foods, yelling "no" a lot, way fussier than usual. hoping it goes away soon, whatever it is.

we always just say "growth spurt" to ourselves, whatever it is, and then put them back in their cages

growth spurt, teething, need to assert themselves. it'll go away in 17 or 20 years.

"evie is being supercranky and picky and stubborn this week"

We had two weeks of this a couple of weeks back (with Dalton it usually results in an hour+ wake in the middle of the night and poor naps). We always tear our hair out thinking OH NO what if it stays like this and then it goes away thankfully.

Dalton! That was my Great-Uncle's name.. I've always adored it :)

It's also the name of the guy who knocked up Cady in The Sound and the Fury!

K is 96th percentile height and weight. 13lbs 7 oz and 24 inches at 2 months.

That's a ginormous baby.

Yup. My back has already told me as much.

so big change, we have to have a home birth due to new texas regulations put into action yesterday on all birth centers. we have not been planning for this at all, so all new birth plan was created tonight. massive cleaning underway and now dealing with my mother since we are having in the guest house. it's going to be ok though, i can deal with this.

weird that this happened the day on our due date.

Anyone have any tips or advice for a comfy and cozy home birth? Just such a sudden and abrupt change and have to totally refocus my way of thinking.

Should our baby decide to enter the world after April 30th we can deliver at the center if we want. But the center is closed until then.

wow! what and indeed the fuck!

home birth is better anyway imo.

- several towels
- a plastic shower curtain can be handy to put down on the bed for the birth. seems a little weird but worth it.
- a partner willing to make cups of tea
- some relaxing music can be nice
- some people say a hot bath can be good for contraction pains (or as our midwife called them, "surges"

i mean, the whole thing IS a bit scary, but just remember this is the way people get born! it's cool!

we are still having a water birth if all goes as planned but oddly enough before we knew this, we bought a vinyl bed cover.

We almost had a home birth with #3, accidentally. I guess they're right when they say that subsequent children just kinda fall out when they're ready. We BARELY made it to the hospital; her water broke in the hospital lobby & #3's head was popping out by the time she sat (not even laying) on the delivery table.

WOW

yeah I'd been asleep & my wife was sitting with the doula in our living room just kinda waiting until things felt urgent & then they got reallly urgent really fast.

#s 1 & 2 were not like that; lonnnnnnng (though not horrible) labors in both cases

Blimey Tera and JS! What a weird situation!

We needed far less stuff for a HB than I expected. We had a pool, which meant there was little 'mess' (well, it was contained and went in the bin with the pool liner) and we didn't use that many towels. Nothing needed to be thrown out, we just bought some disposable maternity 'sheets' (might have to look at the incontinence section to find them) which saved the sofa once we got out of the pool and the bed afterwards. We had music on for the first part but when things got going and I was in the pool I wasn't fussed about music.

A's birth was late evening so I appreciated subdued lighting, M came in the middle of the day so wasn't an issue.

For both, until I woke up with contractions I had no perception of imminence of labour.

www.homebirth.org.uk is worth a look

So, I've come to the conclusion that people who write on parent message boards are scumbags. Specifically a certain kind of poster that writes hysterical responses to other people about how whatever they're doing is probably screwing up their child.

People (e.g. me) turn to these boards in moments of desperation, and the last thing you need is confirmation of your worst fears.

(not talking about ILP, obv)

"specialty" messageboards always attract the most dramatic members of whatever particular topic.

Also see Apple boards, boards about Hondas, political boards and cooking boards.

K screamed for half an hour during mom's 'rest period' (we try to let mom sleep from 9ish to the next time K wakes up, at which point I give her a bottle, and then mom takes the next feeding after that). Nothing I tried worked. Turning to message boards, I became convinced I was emotionally scarring my child for life by letting her mom sleep a bit. Then later that night K threw up and ran mild fever we realized it was all probably a reaction to her vaccines.

Thank you, Vicky! Everyday we become more and more comfortable with the idea of a homebirth and more ready for it. The midwife told us today that she will be bringing along a 2nd midwife only because of the proximity to the nearest hospital. It is 30 or 40 minutes away.

Today we had an ultrasound and all was good and healthy so this evening there are no anxieties.

Hurting- awww poor K, hope she is feeling better. Hope you are too.

http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7127/6968508818_5de6d41848.jpg

congrats, I think!

we are now parents!

then congrats for sure!

Fantastic!

YEEEEEEAHH!

Our hospital had the exact same receiving blankets btw.

Congratulations! Cute bebeh!

nothing went as planned and it was sort of a nightmare. tera was in labor starting one am monday unitl wednesday morning, the baby didn't want to come out. tera was in the worst pain i have ever witnessed, it was scary. eventually we had to give in and go to the hospital. tera still labored and gave it everything she had but we had not slept or ate for twenty four hours at that point so we had to have a cesarean. but now in the end i am just happy that both tera and august are healthy and sound. the baby recognizes my voice from singing to her and she smiles at me. i think she looks like her mom.

I would say probably 4/5 couples I have talked to did not have things go as planned.

btw Keren latched on my arm the other day which was weird enough, but today she latched on my face

congratulations, jacob and tera! i'm glad you have a healthy baby and mama!

A child is born!