ILX Parenting 6: "Put Some Goddamn Pants On Before You Go Outside!" is a thing I say now

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have at it

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 19:51 (three years ago) Permalink

"because I'M the parent!" is a thing *I* say now.

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Friday, 10 July 2015 20:47 (three years ago) Permalink

I find myself saying giving the weirdest instructions sometimes

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 21:00 (three years ago) Permalink

completely frivolous post but: ex-coworker pregnant w second baby. she's naming it "Macyn" and I am pretty IA about it tbh

ugh. just call the fuckin kid mason jeeeeeeezus christ almighty

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 19:48 (three years ago) Permalink

boy or girl? I'm guessing girl.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 22:50 (three years ago) Permalink

just intentionally mispronounce it from now on

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (three years ago) Permalink

"makin? like yr makin a baby?"

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (three years ago) Permalink

we've moved beyond the "why" stage to the "no" or simply ignoring stage which is slowly sapping my will to live and/or self-image as a nice guy

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 15 July 2015 12:53 (three years ago) Permalink

Hey all. Haven't been around for a while but K now has a baby sister, E. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 00:58 (three years ago) Permalink

Good job.

Jeff, Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:02 (three years ago) Permalink

Oh yay! I was just thinking about you, man alive, and hoping you'd come back and say hello. Congratulations!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:45 (three years ago) Permalink

Aw! Nice to not be forgotten by ILXORs, at least a few nice ones.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:47 (three years ago) Permalink

yes you were missed dude

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:12 (three years ago) Permalink

we even posted in the ilx milk carton thread a while back iirc

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:13 (three years ago) Permalink

anyways good to have a new thread

J is starting to ask "what is ____" about everything, it is really cool, like he is really trying to get at the deeper meaning of it, e.g. he has been eating oatmeal for a good two years now but now he wants to really know "what is oatmeal???"

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:15 (three years ago) Permalink

haha also xp man alive i misread your post to say "K now has a babysitter, E" so i did not comment b/c that seemed unremarkable, but yea congratulations!

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:24 (three years ago) Permalink

So yeah, two kids is pretty crazy. OTOH in the final months before the birth I hustled hard and found a better job -- better pay AND more flexible with time, and that's been making things a lot easier.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:13 (three years ago) Permalink

Oh awesome! Congratulations on the new job AND the new baby!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:17 (three years ago) Permalink

yeah two kids is nuts. fwiw three is not as nuts as two is, in case you're inclined in that way

we just flew back to the usa for a couple of weeks and my kids did well, but then my youngest is 8 so why would it be bad. tons of movies on demand with the little screens, they keep bringing you food and drinks, you get to snuggle, what's not to like.

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 12:01 (three years ago) Permalink

fwiw three is not as nuts as two

this needs explaination

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Thursday, 16 July 2015 17:36 (three years ago) Permalink

two is fucking crazy

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:45 (three years ago) Permalink

I assume when you have three you let the oldest child be in charge of the other two. Parenting over!

Οὖτις, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:46 (three years ago) Permalink

im dying here w/ 2, it is intense

my mom had 5 and i just can't even comprehend that

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:48 (three years ago) Permalink

i think maybe people who say the jump to 3 is not a big deal is maybe because at that point the older ones are a little more manageable since they are older?

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:49 (three years ago) Permalink

also some of you may recall i mentioned J's autism diagnosis on the previous thread, things were super stressful for a long while especially after F's birth but things do seem to be falling into place a little w/ his services and planning for preschool next year. we found some really incredible home-based therapists and b/c of his diagnosis J also got offered a spot at one of our city's best public schools allowing us to bypass some of the anxiety-inducing byzantine lottery process. one benefit i guess to having a kid with special needs. also J is just doing amazingly well right now and we've seen so much growth and progress, it is really hopeful.

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:54 (three years ago) Permalink

Oh good! That's good to hear.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:21 (three years ago) Permalink

Thanks for the update Marcos, that's good to hear.
My friend with 3 kids says the jump to 3 is the craziest ever. You only have 2 hands for a start!

kinder, Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:44 (three years ago) Permalink

Yeah I've heard that 3 is the hardest - harder than two, harder than four.

LOL survey says -

I think we'll stick with one to be on the safe side.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:58 (three years ago) Permalink

I would add "Put on your shoes" to this list.

Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:11 (three years ago) Permalink

Ivy's only 19 months so some of those don't apply but we're already well on our way with "Careful," "You're fine," and "Don't eat that."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:16 (three years ago) Permalink

yeah I dunno with #3, #1 was already 6 years old, so didn't need the kind of management that newborns do, and got along well with #2 so our lives were fine. plus we knew what we were doing by that point, at least as well as we ever were going to. but when #2 was born...I don't know how we survived tbh

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:44 (three years ago) Permalink

Oh god, "careful!" is getting a lot of use now, as well as the related "gentle hands!" F's top three words are "no", "nono" and "nonononononono".

Madchen, Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:55 (three years ago) Permalink

"Did you take another bite of your dinner yet?"

how's life, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:03 (three years ago) Permalink

Ivy's daycare teachers use the Spanish "linda" to mean "nicely," which Ivy picked up on early so we say that instead of "gentle hands." And we say that a lot... Also my mom's old favorite: People are not for hitting. People are for loving. Usually said through gritted teeth after Ivy smacks my glasses off my face.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:15 (three years ago) Permalink

our perfect granddaughter, who always slept through the night even from birth and has never been the slightest bit difficult during year one, has FINALLY has her first tantrum, tried to scratch her mom with her little fingernails. we breathed a sigh of relief tbh, thank god she's not some pod person experiment and is actually human.

I have a couple of new Isolde pics as well, will post later

sleeve, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:31 (three years ago) Permalink

Damn straight.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 22:00 (three years ago) Permalink

"gentle hands" wtf does that mean, like what is the situation

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:47 (three years ago) Permalink


difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:48 (three years ago) Permalink

ime it is another way of saying "don't scratch my fucking face, boy"

marcos, Friday, 17 July 2015 00:06 (three years ago) Permalink

Yeah like "don't hit scratch slap pinch me/your dad/this other child/the cat."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Friday, 17 July 2015 00:39 (three years ago) Permalink

"What did I just say?" is another thing I say a lot.

Οὖτις, Friday, 17 July 2015 02:39 (three years ago) Permalink

I've been trying to get a little more real about "rules" lately, especially with eating, e.g. I keep repeating "we don't get something else until we finish what we have," because she has a really annoying habit of asking for something, taking a few bites and then asking for another thing. Also trying to stop snacks in the stroller and carseat so she'll actually eat her goddamn meals instead of snacking all the time, but that one is challenging (because on the morning where she DOESN'T eat her goddamn breakfast, you feel guilty sending her to school hungry).

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (three years ago) Permalink

Also we have a grandparent who sees her every week and undermines all this

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (three years ago) Permalink

gah, that thing when your newborn is finally asleep and completely quiet and then you keep checking every twenty minutes to make sure they're alive.

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:02 (three years ago) Permalink


difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:19 (three years ago) Permalink

double congratulations, man alive!

estela, Friday, 17 July 2015 05:28 (three years ago) Permalink

small man still alive

wisdom be leakin out my louche douche truths (k3vin k.), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:29 (three years ago) Permalink

So I may have missed something, but I think Nora only woke at midnight and 3am last night. It's 7am now and she's still asleep. And it's Em's birthday.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:18 (three years ago) Permalink

Ha, I slept straight through a 5am waking..,

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:24 (three years ago) Permalink

Happy birthday Em. I was just thinking I hadn't seen her over at the other place for a while. If it's any consolation, our sleep has gone back into a bad pattern after having a really good thing going for a couple of months. Hoping we find that groove again.

kinder, Friday, 17 July 2015 08:33 (three years ago) Permalink

The Elmo brushing song has definitely helped...he holds the phone so it keeps his hands and face steady. Even better that the next one is Feist's "1, 2, 3, 4" which he absolutely loves. Crazy to think it wasn't originally written for Sesame Street

frogbs, Friday, 7 December 2018 15:17 (four months ago) Permalink

four weeks pass...

My very favorite of those real musicians doing songs on Sesame Street is Usher's ABC Song. I listen to that of my own free will when no children are in ear shot.

carl agatha, Friday, 4 January 2019 16:39 (three months ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

Here puberty is in full effect. Grades slipping. Compared to five yrs ago, I'm much much stricter. Turned into the bad cop. Heh.

nathom, Thursday, 24 January 2019 11:39 (three months ago) Permalink

my daughter (who is almost 2) had a seizure at day care and had to be given an ambulance ride to the hospital. getting a call in the middle of a workday from them saying "your daughter's not breathing, she's turning pale, we have an ambulance on the way" is not something I ever wanna live through again. thankfully it was just a reaction to a fever she had and apparently benign but holy hell is it scary - she had another one at home that night and it's freaky, they go stiff and pale and just sorta go only lasts a minute but it feels so much longer. Mr Southall I can't even imagine what you're going through.

frogbs, Thursday, 24 January 2019 15:11 (three months ago) Permalink

Yeah, those fever fits are horrible. My niece used to get them a lot when she was younger. Best wishes!

ArchCarrier, Thursday, 24 January 2019 15:26 (three months ago) Permalink

Bought my 4yo a helium balloon, he loved it
Was in the kitchen when I heard 'just going outside'
Approx 0.5 seconds later I heard this panicky shrieking 'It's gone up into the sky and it won't come back!!'


(His dad thought I'd OK'd him going outside with it and had tied the balloon to his wrist and talked about how he mustn't let it go)
Teachable moment I guess
The sight of it rapidly disappearing over the rooftops was actually quite distressing tbf

kinder, Wednesday, 30 January 2019 23:40 (two months ago) Permalink

at the dinner table

my 4yo: Daddy, raise your hand!!
*raises hand*
my 4yo: What you want?

frogbs, Wednesday, 30 January 2019 23:46 (two months ago) Permalink


𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Wednesday, 30 January 2019 23:49 (two months ago) Permalink


Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Thursday, 31 January 2019 02:29 (two months ago) Permalink


Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 31 January 2019 04:41 (two months ago) Permalink

We've been through the mill, yeah, but it's chronic rather than acute, essentially; we've never had anything as heart-stoppingly awful as a febrile seizure sounds, never had a call saying "your baby isn't breathing". That sounds awful too.

Another blog post, cos its world cancer day, and tomorrow Casper turns 1:

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Monday, 4 February 2019 22:03 (two months ago) Permalink

at least we made the infamous Sheboygan Scanner:

4217 kadlec dr - child not breathing

— Sheboygan Scanner (@sheboyganscan) January 21, 2019

child breathing, has better color, coming around

— Sheboygan Scanner (@sheboyganscan) January 21, 2019

50xx green meadow pl - 2yo girl had seizure

— Sheboygan Scanner (@sheboyganscan) January 22, 2019

really hope things remain "well"..."We also don’t know, for sure, how many more birthdays he will have" is a gut-wrenching sentence to read

frogbs, Monday, 4 February 2019 22:16 (two months ago) Permalink

Our friends have twins. One scored pretty low on her iq test. (Low 90s) The boy also has issues but they are stalling. (I get it: as soon as he has a "file" and/or "label", you end up in the system.) it's pretty sad to witness.

nathom, Tuesday, 5 February 2019 13:06 (two months ago) Permalink


This seems minor in the scheme of things, but I wish there was a way of banning all the blind-bagged collectable tiny plastic crap things marketed at kids now. Ooshies! Lol Surprise! Shitnuggets!

Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Saturday, 9 February 2019 08:21 (two months ago) Permalink

Cosign, and add to this Happy Meal toys, stocking stuffers, birthday-party goody bags, and everything to do with Valentine's Day.

Group crafts - even "upcycled" crafts - skate by with a warning, and a limit of four per year.

Sometimes it feels like the world is a giant hose aiming a stream of clutter at the house.

Gunther Gleiben (Ye Mad Puffin), Saturday, 9 February 2019 11:32 (two months ago) Permalink

For reals. When I'm alone, I clean up. Otherwise there'd a shitpile.

nathom, Saturday, 9 February 2019 12:01 (two months ago) Permalink


This seems minor in the scheme of things, but I wish there was a way of banning all the blind-bagged collectable tiny plastic crap things marketed at kids now. Ooshies! Lol Surprise! Shitnuggets!

― Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Saturday, February 9, 2019 8:21 AM (three hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

We definitely went through a big phase of buying blind-bags when my daughter was younger. But the problem was that she would want specific ones, so I'd have to keep going back to the comic store and risk that we would get the one we wanted and not one we already have. After so much frustration from getting duplicates we didn't want, I realized I could have just gone on ebay and bought ones that people had pre-opened for you. In general I think the practice is totally stupid, and suspect that it wires the brain for gambling.

peace, man, Saturday, 9 February 2019 12:16 (two months ago) Permalink

By the way, now that I've got a 14-year-old, I have to deal with questions like:

"Can I go to a bonfire tonight?"
"Come on, my friend's 18-year-old brother (who we know) is going..."
"No. You were out until midnight last night, anyway. We want you in."
"Do we know whose house it's at?"
"No, it's in (a rural area about 15 miles away)."

Also, on the weekend of the snow storm last month, he asked to go snowboarding at a ski resort with his buddies. Just travel up there for the day and come back. His mother and I were seriously considering letting him go until we remembered about the impending storm. His response? "Well if it was snowing too hard, we could just stop and get a hotel!" Also, he called us up to ask this in the middle of one of our only big "date nights" of the year, which we had planned for months in advance.

Fun times!

peace, man, Sunday, 10 February 2019 12:39 (two months ago) Permalink

Argh my oldest is menstruating. Halp. It's so weird: no longer a kid. 😭

nathom, Friday, 22 February 2019 14:50 (two months ago) Permalink

Nath <3

Right column Leftist (sunny successor), Monday, 25 February 2019 15:23 (two months ago) Permalink

Oh my god, if I thought The Little Mermaid was complicated to explain to my 4yo ('Is that Ariel or the naughty lady?' 'why does she want to pretend to be Ariel?' 'why does the naughty lady not want Ariel to sing?' etc etc) then I should NOT have put on 'The Princess and the Frog'.

Far too complicated! Although he legit spotted a loophole in the rules of the magic.

kinder, Wednesday, 27 February 2019 19:21 (one month ago) Permalink

Xpost thanks. :-)

nathom, Wednesday, 27 February 2019 19:57 (one month ago) Permalink

I wish there was a way of banning all the blind-bagged collectable tiny plastic crap things marketed at kids now. Ooshies! Lol Surprise! Shitnuggets!

LOL. I agree, however the mister buys that crap for *himself* so hes hardly a role model to his boys on that front har. We even had to buy all the fecking coles miniature groceries.

Which promptly got piled into a large jar and no one wants them anymore. Way to cut back on plastic, Coles!

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Thursday, 28 February 2019 03:07 (one month ago) Permalink

Those Coles things are awful, and they're apparently about to do another lot, ffs

Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Thursday, 28 February 2019 23:32 (one month ago) Permalink

Vomit on the living room rug! Vomit on the kitchen floor! Vomit on the utility room! Vomit in her hair!

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 1 March 2019 21:14 (one month ago) Permalink

thanks for sharing your blog posts nick! (and good luck with the vomit!)

𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Friday, 1 March 2019 21:28 (one month ago) Permalink

I would actually employ someone just to get the children from our front door and into the carseats and then back again when we come home.
I dream of just being able to get out of the car and walk off.

kinder, Thursday, 14 March 2019 23:40 (one month ago) Permalink

Nick S., I have to tell you that Ivy absolutely adores Casper from afar and regularly asks me if there are "any new pictures of that cute, cute baby" to look at.

carl agatha, Friday, 15 March 2019 14:43 (one month ago) Permalink

I would actually employ someone just to get the children from our front door and into the carseats and then back again when we come home.

i had exactly this thought when we remembered a 10am doctor's appointment at 9:58am, my sister in law came round at exactly the right moment and managed to get her into her coat and shoes in 10 seconds, it would have taken me 10 minutes (or extreme bribery).

what if bod was one of us (ledge), Friday, 15 March 2019 15:39 (one month ago) Permalink

three weeks pass...

God, Ophelia confided her friend's mother hits her. There's also emotional abuse. Doesn't surprise me: she has an eating disorder and is an emotional wreck. I already told the head teacher about the eating disorder but I'm now thinking ab telling them ab the abuse. I feel so so sad for the kid. :-(

nathom, Saturday, 6 April 2019 06:19 (two weeks ago) Permalink

The worst I think: the mom told her she wishes she was never born.
For fuck's sake. It angers me so much. Who the fuck says that to their child?!?

nathom, Saturday, 6 April 2019 06:20 (two weeks ago) Permalink

omg that's awful. do you see the kid much?

kinder, Saturday, 6 April 2019 09:49 (two weeks ago) Permalink

That's so horrible, nath. I'm sorry.

☮ (peace, man), Saturday, 6 April 2019 14:05 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I rarely see her. Ophelia went for a sleepover but the mom threw her out. I didn't realize till she knocked on the door at 10 to 10.

I decided Ophelia can't go anymore. I don't like a toxic environment. But the girl can come as much as she wants. Which she's doing now.

nathom, Saturday, 6 April 2019 15:56 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Contacted the headteacher. We're going to sit down and have a talk. I feel a little weird (invading the mom's privacy) but still good ab it too.

nathom, Monday, 8 April 2019 06:17 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I think you’ve done exactly the right thing, Nath.

Madchen, Monday, 8 April 2019 06:56 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Seconded. Not an easy decision I imagine but definitely the right one.

groovypanda, Monday, 8 April 2019 07:13 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Yes that's too acute to think back on a few years from now and think "wish I'd said something". If it was just one kid telling another it might be prudent to wait to find out more, but throwing your kid out at 10pm is all kinds of justification for concern.
Interestingly the psychologist I saw after my marriage breakdown told me that in situations where kids are subjected to potentially damaging psychological environments, having one "OK" adult in their life regularly can be enough to minimise the harm.

an incoherent crustacean (MatthewK), Monday, 8 April 2019 07:45 (two weeks ago) Permalink

It is a very difficult decision. I feel as though I'm meddling. But otoh hearing "I wish you were never born" just consolidated my decision. I never hit my kids but I now feel it's not a black/white thing. I mean sometimes I can understand a slap is "okay." (I mean: I don't disapprove completely.) But hitting and emotional abuse combined: fuck that.

Being a single parent is very hard. I empathize. But at the end of the day, try avoiding dumping your problems on the kid. The latter didn't ask for it. Poor kid.

nathom, Monday, 8 April 2019 10:38 (two weeks ago) Permalink

I told Ophelia: tell her she is always welcome, no matter what. I mean it. I hate seeing kids unhappy. A good childhood is essential. It's the groundworks for a good adult life.

nathom, Monday, 8 April 2019 10:40 (two weeks ago) Permalink

the worst thing happened here a couple of weeks ago - a friend and classmate of my youngest commited suicide after being bullied online. 12 years old. nice bright quite kid who'd been over to our house a couple of times, so fucked up

kolarov spring (NickB), Monday, 8 April 2019 11:29 (two weeks ago) Permalink

quite quiet

kolarov spring (NickB), Monday, 8 April 2019 11:30 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Oh no. My nephew had a friend commit suicide earlier this year. I think he was 13 or 14. Way too young. I'm sorry for your loss.

☮ (peace, man), Monday, 8 April 2019 11:58 (two weeks ago) Permalink

maybe i'm wrong but i keep thinking about how impulsive kids can be at that age, and how temporary situations can seem inescapable but somehow the permanence of death hasn't quite fully registered

kolarov spring (NickB), Monday, 8 April 2019 12:41 (two weeks ago) Permalink

So true Nick. This frightens me to no end. Sorry for anyone having to lose someone to suicide.

nathom, Monday, 8 April 2019 13:50 (two weeks ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

Had a sitdown w teacher and councelor (sp?). The teacher said it made sense that she flunked her math exam (after I had told her the girl and her mom fought before the exam). As a result she might have to change schools. (If you flunk one subject, you have to go to a vocational school.)

Anyway told'em I was always available if they needed me. Apparently the mother never replies to their messages. :-(((( so sad.

nathom, Wednesday, 24 April 2019 09:50 (yesterday) Permalink

I'm shopping for new clothes for my son and I never want to see the word 'Roarsome' ever again

kinder, Thursday, 25 April 2019 11:39 (ten hours ago) Permalink

I've seen a lot of "Floss like a boss" t-shirts recently, strange that dental hygiene is suddenly so popular but hey I'm all for it.

what if bod was one of us (ledge), Thursday, 25 April 2019 12:20 (ten hours ago) Permalink

probably refers to Flynt Flossy

frogbs, Thursday, 25 April 2019 13:27 (nine hours ago) Permalink

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