ILX Parenting 6: "Put Some Goddamn Pants On Before You Go Outside!" is a thing I say now

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have at it

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 19:51 (two years ago) Permalink

"because I'M the parent!" is a thing *I* say now.

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Friday, 10 July 2015 20:47 (two years ago) Permalink

I find myself saying giving the weirdest instructions sometimes

Οὖτις, Friday, 10 July 2015 21:00 (two years ago) Permalink

completely frivolous post but: ex-coworker pregnant w second baby. she's naming it "Macyn" and I am pretty IA about it tbh

ugh. just call the fuckin kid mason jeeeeeeezus christ almighty

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 19:48 (two years ago) Permalink

boy or girl? I'm guessing girl.

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Tuesday, 14 July 2015 22:50 (two years ago) Permalink

just intentionally mispronounce it from now on

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (two years ago) Permalink

"makin? like yr makin a baby?"

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 14 July 2015 23:00 (two years ago) Permalink

we've moved beyond the "why" stage to the "no" or simply ignoring stage which is slowly sapping my will to live and/or self-image as a nice guy

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 15 July 2015 12:53 (two years ago) Permalink

Hey all. Haven't been around for a while but K now has a baby sister, E. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👧

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 00:58 (two years ago) Permalink

Good job.

Jeff, Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:02 (two years ago) Permalink

Oh yay! I was just thinking about you, man alive, and hoping you'd come back and say hello. Congratulations!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:45 (two years ago) Permalink

Aw! Nice to not be forgotten by ILXORs, at least a few nice ones.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 01:47 (two years ago) Permalink

yes you were missed dude

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:12 (two years ago) Permalink

we even posted in the ilx milk carton thread a while back iirc

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:13 (two years ago) Permalink

anyways good to have a new thread

J is starting to ask "what is ____" about everything, it is really cool, like he is really trying to get at the deeper meaning of it, e.g. he has been eating oatmeal for a good two years now but now he wants to really know "what is oatmeal???"

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:15 (two years ago) Permalink

haha also xp man alive i misread your post to say "K now has a babysitter, E" so i did not comment b/c that seemed unremarkable, but yea congratulations!

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 02:24 (two years ago) Permalink

So yeah, two kids is pretty crazy. OTOH in the final months before the birth I hustled hard and found a better job -- better pay AND more flexible with time, and that's been making things a lot easier.

five six and (man alive), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:13 (two years ago) Permalink

Oh awesome! Congratulations on the new job AND the new baby!

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 03:17 (two years ago) Permalink

yeah two kids is nuts. fwiw three is not as nuts as two is, in case you're inclined in that way

we just flew back to the usa for a couple of weeks and my kids did well, but then my youngest is 8 so why would it be bad. tons of movies on demand with the little screens, they keep bringing you food and drinks, you get to snuggle, what's not to like.

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 12:01 (two years ago) Permalink

fwiw three is not as nuts as two

this needs explaination

UYD: Oxys, Percs, Vics, Addys, Rit-Dogs and Xannys (sunny successor), Thursday, 16 July 2015 17:36 (two years ago) Permalink

two is fucking crazy

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:45 (two years ago) Permalink

I assume when you have three you let the oldest child be in charge of the other two. Parenting over!

Οὖτις, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:46 (two years ago) Permalink

im dying here w/ 2, it is intense

my mom had 5 and i just can't even comprehend that

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:48 (two years ago) Permalink

i think maybe people who say the jump to 3 is not a big deal is maybe because at that point the older ones are a little more manageable since they are older?

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:49 (two years ago) Permalink

also some of you may recall i mentioned J's autism diagnosis on the previous thread, things were super stressful for a long while especially after F's birth but things do seem to be falling into place a little w/ his services and planning for preschool next year. we found some really incredible home-based therapists and b/c of his diagnosis J also got offered a spot at one of our city's best public schools allowing us to bypass some of the anxiety-inducing byzantine lottery process. one benefit i guess to having a kid with special needs. also J is just doing amazingly well right now and we've seen so much growth and progress, it is really hopeful.

marcos, Thursday, 16 July 2015 18:54 (two years ago) Permalink

Oh good! That's good to hear.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:21 (two years ago) Permalink

Thanks for the update Marcos, that's good to hear.
My friend with 3 kids says the jump to 3 is the craziest ever. You only have 2 hands for a start!

kinder, Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:44 (two years ago) Permalink

Yeah I've heard that 3 is the hardest - harder than two, harder than four.

LOL survey says - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/07/three-children-is-most-st_n_3229032.html

I think we'll stick with one to be on the safe side.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 19:58 (two years ago) Permalink

http://adequateman.deadspin.com/14-things-you-will-say-to-your-kids-a-million-goddamn-t-1717985943

I would add "Put on your shoes" to this list.

Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:11 (two years ago) Permalink

Ivy's only 19 months so some of those don't apply but we're already well on our way with "Careful," "You're fine," and "Don't eat that."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:16 (two years ago) Permalink

yeah I dunno with #3, #1 was already 6 years old, so didn't need the kind of management that newborns do, and got along well with #2 so our lives were fine. plus we knew what we were doing by that point, at least as well as we ever were going to. but when #2 was born...I don't know how we survived tbh

droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:44 (two years ago) Permalink

Oh god, "careful!" is getting a lot of use now, as well as the related "gentle hands!" F's top three words are "no", "nono" and "nonononononono".

Madchen, Thursday, 16 July 2015 20:55 (two years ago) Permalink

"Did you take another bite of your dinner yet?"

how's life, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:03 (two years ago) Permalink

Ivy's daycare teachers use the Spanish "linda" to mean "nicely," which Ivy picked up on early so we say that instead of "gentle hands." And we say that a lot... Also my mom's old favorite: People are not for hitting. People are for loving. Usually said through gritted teeth after Ivy smacks my glasses off my face.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:15 (two years ago) Permalink

our perfect granddaughter, who always slept through the night even from birth and has never been the slightest bit difficult during year one, has FINALLY has her first tantrum, tried to scratch her mom with her little fingernails. we breathed a sigh of relief tbh, thank god she's not some pod person experiment and is actually human.

I have a couple of new Isolde pics as well, will post later

sleeve, Thursday, 16 July 2015 21:31 (two years ago) Permalink

Damn straight.

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Thursday, 16 July 2015 22:00 (two years ago) Permalink

"gentle hands" wtf does that mean, like what is the situation

transparent play for gifs (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:47 (two years ago) Permalink

pets?

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 16 July 2015 23:48 (two years ago) Permalink

ime it is another way of saying "don't scratch my fucking face, boy"

marcos, Friday, 17 July 2015 00:06 (two years ago) Permalink

Yeah like "don't hit scratch slap pinch me/your dad/this other child/the cat."

from batman to balloon dog (carl agatha), Friday, 17 July 2015 00:39 (two years ago) Permalink

"What did I just say?" is another thing I say a lot.

Οὖτις, Friday, 17 July 2015 02:39 (two years ago) Permalink

I've been trying to get a little more real about "rules" lately, especially with eating, e.g. I keep repeating "we don't get something else until we finish what we have," because she has a really annoying habit of asking for something, taking a few bites and then asking for another thing. Also trying to stop snacks in the stroller and carseat so she'll actually eat her goddamn meals instead of snacking all the time, but that one is challenging (because on the morning where she DOESN'T eat her goddamn breakfast, you feel guilty sending her to school hungry).

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (two years ago) Permalink

Also we have a grandparent who sees her every week and undermines all this

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 04:51 (two years ago) Permalink

gah, that thing when your newborn is finally asleep and completely quiet and then you keep checking every twenty minutes to make sure they're alive.

five six and (man alive), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:02 (two years ago) Permalink

:)

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:19 (two years ago) Permalink

double congratulations, man alive!

estela, Friday, 17 July 2015 05:28 (two years ago) Permalink

small man still alive

wisdom be leakin out my louche douche truths (k3vin k.), Friday, 17 July 2015 05:29 (two years ago) Permalink

So I may have missed something, but I think Nora only woke at midnight and 3am last night. It's 7am now and she's still asleep. And it's Em's birthday.

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:18 (two years ago) Permalink

Ha, I slept straight through a 5am waking..,

Hey Bob (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 17 July 2015 06:24 (two years ago) Permalink

Happy birthday Em. I was just thinking I hadn't seen her over at the other place for a while. If it's any consolation, our sleep has gone back into a bad pattern after having a really good thing going for a couple of months. Hoping we find that groove again.

kinder, Friday, 17 July 2015 08:33 (two years ago) Permalink

I feel a lot of pain around starting my daughter in kindergarten. Seeing her go from this nice little sheltered small preschool to a mega-sized public elementary with 200 kindergartners. Seeing her experience so much anxiety around the change. She has friends at the school but none wound up in her class. I feel like maybe I am reliving some pain I went through as well, because there was something unplaceably painful about the whole experience of public school, even well before I got to the age where actual bullies made it painful.

the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Friday, 8 September 2017 03:09 (two months ago) Permalink

I don't know, I just feel this terrible existential anguish about it like, "welp, you've reached the point where I have to send you into a chaotic and strange world for reasons that you can't understand and I can't completely understand either."

the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Friday, 8 September 2017 03:11 (two months ago) Permalink

it's just crazy to me that you have a child in kindergarten so maybe it's just we're getting old

Chocolate-covered gummy bears? Not ruling those lil' guys out. (ulysses), Friday, 8 September 2017 03:55 (two months ago) Permalink

When did/does she start? You say she's experiencing anxiety about it - has she already been through a few days?

I totally understand the angst about sending your kid off to school though. I spend every first day of school off from work, waiting for the bus - THE BUS - to bring them back to me. And then every day after that waiting for whoever is supposed to meet them at the bus to let me know that they got back home ok.

But I think that schools have gotten a lot better about bullying. Even though there is some of it there, it's not as bad as it used to be and the schools have better systems in place to handle conflicts that arise.

how's life, Friday, 8 September 2017 09:23 (two months ago) Permalink

Our littlest, 11 now, has started middle school, entailing a métro ride across the city (~30 mins each way). We're taking her and picking her up this first week, and probably some of next week, but then we'd like her to be on her own. It's pretty normal here for kids to ride the train to school, but it's still a bit of a leap of faith for us.

Our oldest has started her last year of high school too! We had kids early for our peer group (mid 20s) & I have plenty of friends my age still having their first. It's weird.

droit au butt (Euler), Friday, 8 September 2017 09:33 (two months ago) Permalink

Sometimes I just feel like the entire apparatus of school is a terrible thing to put children through, even when there's no bullying. For example, I hate the way they have different teachers each year, different classmates each year, so much change every single year for like 17 years of their lives. It seems so destabilizing.

Dropoff today was bedlam. The K kids wear tags with their name and class to make sure they get to the right room because they can't even accommodate parents bringing their kids into the school, it's so over capacity.

the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Saturday, 9 September 2017 03:02 (two months ago) Permalink

K was fine when I picked her up fwiw and said she had fun in school, but later in the afternoon had an extreme meltdown, which I guess is pretty typical for how kids her age process stress.

the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Saturday, 9 September 2017 03:03 (two months ago) Permalink

Oh god having the same classmates every year would have been horrible

President Keyes, Saturday, 9 September 2017 03:26 (two months ago) Permalink

Wait wait... you dont have the same class mates each year? In HS i get that, youre picking subjects but when I was in primary school, we more or less had the same set of kids going thru the same classes unless they like, moved or something.

Actually even in high school I did up til year 10.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Sunday, 10 September 2017 03:42 (two months ago) Permalink

Well in my elementary school actually it was a relatively static group -- we might shift back and forth btw classes but there were only two or three teachers in a grade so we were mostly with the same kids in K-6. Middle school fed from a bunch of different elementary schools and also some kids I was friends with left and went to private school. I guess had I gone to my neighborhood high school instead of a magnet school I would have stayed with a lot of the same kids.

K's school has 8 fucking kindergarten classes of 25 kids each. Also the area is just more transient and a lot of people move to the suburbs somewhere btw K and 5th grade/

the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Sunday, 10 September 2017 03:54 (two months ago) Permalink

Not sure about elementary, because we moved so many times when i was in K-5, but def staring in 6th grade we had multiple teachers throughout the day and different kids in each class.

President Keyes, Sunday, 10 September 2017 20:21 (two months ago) Permalink

8 kinder classes! yikes thats a heavy load of kiddies :)

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, 11 September 2017 01:45 (two months ago) Permalink

Henry and Bee's school has 8 Pre-K classes

Right column Leftist (sunny successor), Monday, 11 September 2017 23:29 (two months ago) Permalink

Maybe it's 6. They take up a 1/3 of the school.

Right column Leftist (sunny successor), Monday, 11 September 2017 23:30 (two months ago) Permalink

K's class seems fine but the overcrowding is really felt at dropoff and pickup. Dropoff is basically a huge bottleneck at the gate and you have to kind of push your kid through the crowd and just send them in by themselves. At pickup (which is split into four locations), you feel like you're waiting for someone to be released from a POW camp.

the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Tuesday, 12 September 2017 03:37 (two months ago) Permalink

one month passes...

Friends who have kids our kids' age are turning 40, and they're having their 40th birthday as a no-kids event during the day on a weekend. For some reason I feel IA about this -- it seems like common decency to either allow kids or have it at night. I don't want to leave my kids with a babysitter in the middle of a Sunday.

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Thursday, 12 October 2017 15:59 (one month ago) Permalink

lol yeah that seems like a dick move, who's going to babysit all those kids

Οὖτις, Thursday, 12 October 2017 16:04 (one month ago) Permalink

it's valid for them to have a no-kids party, it's valid for you to say you can't go because of it

na (NA), Thursday, 12 October 2017 16:10 (one month ago) Permalink

I don't mind a no-kids party at all, I just don't like it being in the middle of a Sunday. Like, we all work, and weekends are our time with our kids. I don't want to leave them with a babysitter at 4pm when I don't see them during the day all week.

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Thursday, 12 October 2017 17:05 (one month ago) Permalink

Today one of my sons asked our Amazon Echo to play "Lady Gaga, 'Bad Running Man'". I really wish this song existed.

Marcus Hiles Remains Steadfast About Planting Trees.jpg (DJP), Thursday, 12 October 2017 17:12 (one month ago) Permalink

it's about me at parties

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Thursday, 12 October 2017 17:17 (one month ago) Permalink

middle of sunday too that's a bad time for a party. we're getting ready for the week man

marcos, Thursday, 12 October 2017 17:19 (one month ago) Permalink

is having constant heart palpitations a normal side effect of letting your toddler play at painting? "oh fuck the sofa... the floor... where's she going, fuck, the wallpaper, no not the spare room with the bed with white sheets!"

Monogo doesn't socialise (ledge), Sunday, 15 October 2017 18:29 (one month ago) Permalink

Yes. We try to do art outside, or say "on the paper or not at all." But still end up doing a lot of "oh god not there please."

Cleaning the house while children are living in it is like shoveling the sidewalk while it's still snowing.

Me, I pretty much think we'll repaint the walls and get the furniture recovered once we're past Nonstop Chaos Stage. In the meantime we'll live with an awful lot of chaos.

looser than lucinda (Ye Mad Puffin), Sunday, 15 October 2017 20:50 (one month ago) Permalink

outside, tarp, newspaper, full hazmat only way i roll

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Sunday, 15 October 2017 20:51 (one month ago) Permalink

We have this huge plastic sheet we put over the table for painting, which works quite well, except for Ella's clothes, which inevitably get througly painted

Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Sunday, 15 October 2017 23:25 (one month ago) Permalink

When he was like, 4, the stepkid wrote his name all over the hallway wall. Mo mo momo mo mo mo mo mo mo in rows. B has shown me a video of him walking up to this mess, and asking Mo to his face "did you do this?" and the little shit says "no, it wasnt me!" to the camera!

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, 16 October 2017 00:35 (one month ago) Permalink

he also once daubed "I Luv u daddy" on a pillowcase in texta.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, 16 October 2017 00:35 (one month ago) Permalink

I parked next to a beat-up car a couple of weeks ago, and on the back of the headrest among various scribbles in market was scrawled in childlike hand I <3 YOU MOMMY

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 16 October 2017 02:42 (one month ago) Permalink

*marker

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 16 October 2017 02:42 (one month ago) Permalink

Adorable!

I picked up our toddler from the childminder once and she said they'd been doing messy play in the kitchen with water and flour. I looked round her spotless kitchen in amazement.

Monogo doesn't socialise (ledge), Monday, 16 October 2017 12:02 (one month ago) Permalink

outside, tarp, newspaper, full hazmat only way i roll

― illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Sunday, October 15, 2017 4:51 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

marcos, Monday, 16 October 2017 14:39 (one month ago) Permalink

I think I may be fully done with ever hanging out with childless friends with my kids after tonight. Granted this is an especially taxing friend.

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Sunday, 22 October 2017 02:17 (one month ago) Permalink

I'm basically down to one pre-kids friend who is still childless himself that I can still deal with. And he's a very familial guy with nieces and nephews so he gets it.

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Sunday, 22 October 2017 02:48 (one month ago) Permalink

Huh. What's the problem? I have a handful of childless friends

Οὖτις, Sunday, 22 October 2017 02:54 (one month ago) Permalink

Get better childless friends.

Jeff, Sunday, 22 October 2017 02:56 (one month ago) Permalink

Maybe I just had a weird way of picking friends before I had kids

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Sunday, 22 October 2017 02:56 (one month ago) Permalink

I mean tbc, 50% of it is just that almost any childless person is going to be less accustomed to the rhythm of life with children, so they won't really "get" for example why plans have to be scheduled in a certain way, why you can't be as loose about things as they can etc., even if they rationally understand it via explanation/observation.

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Sunday, 22 October 2017 02:58 (one month ago) Permalink

Also, I just had an especially annoying experience with a friend, so I'm coming off that.

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Sunday, 22 October 2017 03:05 (one month ago) Permalink

Yeah I have given up on doing quite a lot because of lack of understanding of schedule. Christmas day last year was a particular example - family several hours late to arrive during nap time and yet surprised that I couldn't join in Christmas lunch because I now had a wide awake toddler to look after. Not bitter...

BBQs due to start at say 4 that don't get started until 2 hours later because no one can light the damn thing.
I think this is probably just my friends...

kinder, Sunday, 22 October 2017 17:18 (one month ago) Permalink

Your child-free friends may very well welcome this decision, man alive. Win-win (-win, for THE CHILDREN)

mom tossed in kimchee (quincie), Sunday, 22 October 2017 22:58 (one month ago) Permalink

TBF I've had the opposite issue, where my child-free ass would try my best to tell newly parented friends that no, they really, really should not bring their just-walking 3 year old around because my house is full of cat litter and bongs and pointy tables and lots of breakable crap. I dont want to spend the afternoon freaking out every time they stuff something in their mouth.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Sunday, 22 October 2017 23:12 (one month ago) Permalink

(this was in days gone by, ov course)

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Sunday, 22 October 2017 23:13 (one month ago) Permalink

Xp and I get that complete rigidity around naps and bedtimes can be irritating too. I'm past that at this point. I'm talking about a friend deciding to walk a total of 13 miles rather than take an Uber WHICH I OFFERED TO PAY FOR so we wouldn't have to wait around for him and we'd actually have a reasonable amount of time to hang out. I'm
simplifying the story slightly but that's the gist.

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Monday, 23 October 2017 00:08 (one month ago) Permalink

Yeah thats a bit weird.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, 23 October 2017 00:09 (one month ago) Permalink

That’s pretty terrible. I get it with naps and bedtimes, that’s something that just doesn’t register with a lot of people. It’s pretty key for remaining harmonious.

Jeff, Monday, 23 October 2017 00:10 (one month ago) Permalink

Like oh skip a nap is nothing for some people but can be disastrous for kids.

Jeff, Monday, 23 October 2017 00:11 (one month ago) Permalink

I mean tbc, 50% of it is just that almost any childless person is going to be less accustomed to the rhythm of life with children, so they won't really "get" for example why plans have to be scheduled in a certain way, why you can't be as loose about things as they can etc., even if they rationally understand it via explanation/observation.

― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Saturday, October 21, 2017 9:58 PM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lack of empathy/understanding is a symptom of dicks, not childless people per se

na (NA), Monday, 23 October 2017 14:33 (one month ago) Permalink

My son insisted that was going to be a robot for Halloween (he has a cute home-sign for robot). I lovingly made him a robot costume. All week, he was signing robot robot robot. He went to school today as a robot.

At 6:45 PM tonight - just about to leave for trick or treating - he signed that he would only go as a dog. Dog all the way. Nothing but dog. Screaming on the floor while also signing dog dog dog. (Which tbh was kind of darkly hilarious.)

Fortunately we save previous years' costumes. When given three choices (robot, dog, firefighter), he went with... firefighter. Of course.

what if a much of a which of a wind (Ye Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 1 November 2017 12:43 (three weeks ago) Permalink

sounds about right

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 1 November 2017 12:49 (three weeks ago) Permalink


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