Kids say the darndest things

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I had to post this, since I've been cracking up about it since Saturday.

The boys were in the bath, and they started screeching:

Ben: EEEEEEEEEEE! EEEEEEEEEEEE!

My wife: Ben! Use your inside voice.

Ben (quietly): eeeeeEEEEEeeeee.

schwantz, Monday, 2 February 2009 22:58 (eight years ago) Permalink

I heartily endorse this thread/post.

PappaWheelie V, Monday, 2 February 2009 23:11 (eight years ago) Permalink

When I told Ophelia told her for the gazillionth time to put her hand in front of her mouth when coughing.

"I don't have any coughs anymore."

Nathalie (stevienixed), Tuesday, 3 February 2009 08:37 (eight years ago) Permalink

Every male person outside the family is currently known and greeted as 'Funny Man'. Or occasionally 'Mr Tumble' (the latter unfortunately applies to women as well).

Archel, Tuesday, 3 February 2009 11:25 (eight years ago) Permalink

hahaha

JAM, DWANGELA, RELLY! (sunny successor), Tuesday, 3 February 2009 14:28 (eight years ago) Permalink

In the elevator at the gym with my wife, Owen read another woman's thoughts by asking "are you twins?" and then answered himself "yeah."

schwantz, Saturday, 7 February 2009 05:39 (eight years ago) Permalink

hahaha

JAM, DWANGELA, RELLY! (sunny successor), Saturday, 7 February 2009 14:40 (eight years ago) Permalink

Thank you for starting this thread. I love this stuff.

A friend at work has a two year old who has started using "Obama" as a name for pretty much everyone. He asks qustions all the time about Obama too. They're potty training him and so the other night she was asking Henry who poops. He said, "Mama poops and Daddy poops and Henry poops!" She asked who else poops thinking he's say grandma or something and he replied with, "Obama poops!!"

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Saturday, 7 February 2009 15:31 (eight years ago) Permalink

my 7 year old nephew to his mom:

"I stopped sucking my thumb. When you get older it loses its taste."

sleeve, Tuesday, 10 February 2009 02:17 (eight years ago) Permalink

That is exactly what I concluded about thumb-sucking (at an embarrassingly older age). Though it took having my arm in a plaster cast for seemingly years (I broke my arm three times in quick succession) to stop me in the end.

Also, Obama totally does poop!

Archel, Tuesday, 10 February 2009 09:35 (eight years ago) Permalink

Re: Honeymoon - "Did you GO to the moon?"

lemmy tristano (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 12 February 2009 00:16 (eight years ago) Permalink

my son when 3ish, upon eating something good: "I can't believe my mouth!" I promise he made this up himself.

Euler, Thursday, 12 February 2009 00:20 (eight years ago) Permalink

AWWWWW!!!

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Thursday, 12 February 2009 00:23 (eight years ago) Permalink

My kids are too old for their current sayings to be here...

But, Alice (particularly) would say such WTF things back in the day. Most (or, man) are all over ILE, but here's one of the top ones...

She was about four, I reckon.

I was explaining the whole "eggs in mummy's tummy" business.

Alice: "But how did the eggs get there?"
Me: "They were all there when Mummy was born"
Alice: "hmm. So, that means My egg and Amber's egg are exactly the same age"
Me: ".... yeah!"
Alice: (saying nothing, but now has decided Amber doesn't have 2 years superiority anymore)

Mark G, Friday, 13 February 2009 11:10 (eight years ago) Permalink

Ophelia told her father: "Wannes is in love with me." I know, not the darndest thing but still made go all AAAAAWWWWWWWWW.

Nathalie (stevienixed), Friday, 13 February 2009 14:13 (eight years ago) Permalink

my son when 3ish, upon eating something good: "I can't believe my mouth!" I promise he made this up himself.

― Euler, Wednesday, February 11, 2009 7:20 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark

Get that kid a TV commercial.

Bonobos in Paneradise (Hurting 2), Sunday, 22 February 2009 07:21 (eight years ago) Permalink

haha yeah

i was driving beeps home from daycare last week and had silver jews playing in the car. so black and brown blues comes on and i start singing along at the top of my voice when i look in the rear view mirror and beeps is smacking her knee along with the song with a big smile on her face. she catches me looking at her and says 'you go, mama!'. let it be known i have the worst singing voice ever. kid is good for the ego.

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 22 February 2009 14:57 (eight years ago) Permalink

I will work on the tv thing!

I love that my kids love my singing. It helps that it's mutual; when they're caterwauling away I tend to complement them (you know, like you do when they bring you their latest painting or sculpture).

My youngest kid, age 2, went canvassing with my wife for the Dems during the campaign last fall. Now she's taken to calling the paper subscription inserts in magazines, "Democrats". I guess it's because they're like the voter info cards that we distributed? But now she is hoarding a big pile of these things and gets angry when you take her Democrats. Silly stuff but I love it.

Euler, Sunday, 22 February 2009 16:21 (eight years ago) Permalink

I love that all the two year old kids in SF know and mangle the words "Barack Obama."

schwantz, Monday, 23 February 2009 17:25 (eight years ago) Permalink

nothing like this ever happens to me

鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 23 February 2009 17:59 (eight years ago) Permalink

Howie knows a lot of animal names but always calls a cat "Miaow", even though he can spell the word. Hence the following conversation:

Us: "Howie, what's the first letter of cat?"
Howie: "C!"
"And what's the second letter of cat?"
"A!"
"And what's the last letter of cat?"
"T!"
"[Pointing to letters in book] So, what does 'C-A-T' spell, Howie?"
"[Thinks for a moment...} Miaow!"

Meg (Meg Busset), Monday, 23 February 2009 23:28 (eight years ago) Permalink

my nearly 12-week-old has been babbling non-stop. it's such a nice change from shrieking.

Oh Why, Sports Coat? (Dr. Superman), Thursday, 26 February 2009 19:17 (eight years ago) Permalink

(Apologies if I've already told this story on ILX, can't remember)

A few weeks ago, Ava was being extremely naughty, pushing Pam away, shouting "Don't talk to me! Don't look at me!", etc. Pam wrote down "Naughty girls don't get visits from their friends or treats or get to go to the park" on a slip of paper and handed it to the noncommunicative hell-child.

Ava read it out loud, looked at the paper for a few seconds and then announced, "I'm going to tear this into tiny pieces." It was all Pam could do not to burst out laughing right there...

Michael Jones, Saturday, 28 February 2009 21:25 (eight years ago) Permalink

haa :)

ice cr?m, Sunday, 1 March 2009 00:26 (eight years ago) Permalink

this morning: "there are so many things in this room, it's like an optical course"

鬼の手 (Edward III), Sunday, 1 March 2009 00:46 (eight years ago) Permalink

SS, that's the cutest thing ever! Ophelia requests all my music to stop playing so she can listen to her music. Grrr. Elisabeth loves most music we play. This morning she immediately started waving her hand when Marvin Gaye started singing. She also looooves Pulsinger.

Nathalie (stevienixed), Sunday, 1 March 2009 13:30 (eight years ago) Permalink

its still so weird to me these little creatures have already developed their own tastes. that silver jews moment was a rare one. usually she'll sit there going 'wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? brobie? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? wonderpets? " etc until we put it on.

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 1 March 2009 14:04 (eight years ago) Permalink

nickelodeon brainwash

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 1 March 2009 14:04 (eight years ago) Permalink

she found a tampon and asked what it was. i mumbled her mommy bleeds every month and that it stops the bleeding.

"so mommy leaks."

uh yeah, i guess....

the tip of the tongue taking a trip tralalala (stevienixed), Friday, 6 March 2009 22:33 (eight years ago) Permalink

Edward, I'm amazed. That's amazing.

How can there be male ladybugs? (Laurel), Friday, 6 March 2009 22:41 (eight years ago) Permalink

We remembered another one from our son a few years back, when he was 2-ish: out of the blue one day, he asked "why we is not ducks?". I didn't know what to say. Really, why? The mind boggles.

Euler, Saturday, 7 March 2009 01:56 (eight years ago) Permalink

My friend did this facebook thing earlier where she had to ask her kids a series of questions about herself and write in their answers. Her sons are around 6 and 4, I think.

Q: How tall is your Mom?

A: "15 degrees" -Ben "Probably 10 inches high" -Zac

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Saturday, 7 March 2009 04:50 (eight years ago) Permalink

i seriously can't get over "15 degrees"

been HOOS, where yyyou steene!? (BIG HOOS aka the steendriver), Saturday, 7 March 2009 05:02 (eight years ago) Permalink

I know, I love it.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Saturday, 7 March 2009 05:03 (eight years ago) Permalink

I showed Beeps a full page face ad of Gisele Bündchen in the lastest issure of Glamour and asked 'who is that?' She replied 'Mama!' Damn straight.

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 8 March 2009 03:30 (eight years ago) Permalink

keep that one around!

yur twit (tehresa), Sunday, 8 March 2009 03:35 (eight years ago) Permalink

hopefully her eyesight will never improve

quadratrillionaire (sunny successor), Sunday, 8 March 2009 03:37 (eight years ago) Permalink

Howie does that when we read the book 'Terrible Trolls' -- points at them and says "Mummy! Daddy!"

I will have to send him round to Beeps for some training.

Meg (Meg Busset), Sunday, 8 March 2009 13:02 (eight years ago) Permalink

I showed Beeps a full page face ad of Gisele Bündchen in the lastest issure of Glamour and asked 'who is that?' She replied 'Mama!' Damn straight.

A keeper! :-)

the tip of the tongue taking a trip tralalala (stevienixed), Monday, 9 March 2009 14:19 (eight years ago) Permalink

z (4-yr-old) industriously constructing puzzle on the floor, while rex (11 mos.) repeatedly crawls through it, picks up pieces, sticks them in his mouth, etc. z fairly patiently nudges rex away two or three times, says "no, rex," but on about the 4th time, in exasperation, he yelps, "DAMMIT REX!"

paper plans (tipsy mothra), Monday, 16 March 2009 23:50 (eight years ago) Permalink

kids swearing: classic. One of my kids didn't really understand what the word dammit was, so he'd say, "debit", as in "debit card", which got us off the hook with my mother-in-law.

Euler, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 00:27 (eight years ago) Permalink

z (4-yr-old) industriously constructing puzzle on the floor, while rex (11 mos.) repeatedly crawls through it, picks up pieces, sticks them in his mouth, etc. z fairly patiently nudges rex away two or three times, says "no, rex," but on about the 4th time, in exasperation, he yelps, "DAMMIT REX!"

― paper plans (tipsy mothra), Monday, March 16, 2009 6:50 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark

ok so this is the funniest/cuetest thing i have read in a while

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 02:01 (eight years ago) Permalink

Agreed. That's so cute.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 12:37 (eight years ago) Permalink

it cracked us up. but i guess we need to do some policing of it before he gets to kindergarten.

paper plans (tipsy mothra), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 17:08 (eight years ago) Permalink

Apparently in kindergarten I referred to a toy car as "that goddamn son of a bitch". Wasn't mad, that's just what I called it.

WmC, Tuesday, 17 March 2009 17:14 (eight years ago) Permalink

i once very cheerfully yelled to my pal "see you later, asshole!" as our parents were taking us home from preschool. my mom was not, uh, thrilled

i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 21:54 (eight years ago) Permalink

^ That is awesome.

Too Into Dancing to Argue (ENBB), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 22:51 (eight years ago) Permalink

ha i once came home from school in 1st or 2nd grade and told my parents "the bus driver is an asshole" not really knowing what that meant :-/

HHooHHHooHH-oob (harbl), Tuesday, 17 March 2009 22:53 (eight years ago) Permalink

Alice has been known to bang her fist on the table and yell 'dammit!' but I strongly suspect her dad has been coaching her for his own amusement. Though come to think of it she's also started a thing of regularly shouting 'it's a deal!' and shaking hands with us. Clearly a future CEO :(

Archel, Thursday, 19 March 2009 09:36 (eight years ago) Permalink

OK, heree goez:

In Venice, back at the flat, playing whist:

Mum: "Hearts!"
Alice: (Oh, fuMMMFTH)

The sound of Alice slapping her hand over her mouth, too late.
She got embarrassed, we just laffed. (She was 8)

Mark G, Monday, 23 March 2009 14:02 (eight years ago) Permalink

"We forgot to have dessert!" regularly appears around bed time in my house, to which I usually respond you had some grapes or a cookie or whatever to which the response is often something like "only something that has chocolate in it counts as a desert".

silverfish, Monday, 16 October 2017 16:38 (one month ago) Permalink

My sons now have a thing during bathtime where they will say, "You're the pancake and this is syrup!" and then pour/spray water all over me. It was cute at first.

Marcus Hiles Remains Steadfast About Planting Trees.jpg (DJP), Monday, 16 October 2017 16:39 (one month ago) Permalink

lol

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Monday, 16 October 2017 20:21 (one month ago) Permalink

"Time to wash my tentacles!"

Οὖτις, Monday, 16 October 2017 20:21 (one month ago) Permalink

"This is Frankenstein's monster. When he meets someone HE DOESN'T EAT THEM! He gives birth instead."

Mince Pramthwart (James Morrison), Monday, 16 October 2017 23:35 (one month ago) Permalink

"daddy what do you like better, machine gun or voodoo chile?"

is it possible to have this conversation without a spliff??

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 18 October 2017 20:19 (one month ago) Permalink

aw

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Wednesday, 18 October 2017 20:19 (one month ago) Permalink

xposts James imagining the logistics of that has given rise to some disturbing images

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 18 October 2017 20:20 (one month ago) Permalink

E (2 now) has this thing she does now after bedtime, where we'll be in the dark for like a sold 20 minutes of silence, and I'll assume everyone is asleep, and then all of the sudden she'll call out something like "Dad! Do you remember Peso? From Octonauts?" Or "Dad! We forgot to have dessert!"

― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Monday, October 16, 2017 11:07 AM (two days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Last night it was: "Dad, do you like cookies and cream?"

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Wednesday, 18 October 2017 20:28 (one month ago) Permalink

My kids still do that! They'll call "dad" over and over and when I finally go in their room it will be some insanely trivial, random question.

DJI, Wednesday, 18 October 2017 20:47 (one month ago) Permalink

that dynamic works both ways ime

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 18 October 2017 20:48 (one month ago) Permalink

You mean I should stop going to their room? Yeah probably.

DJI, Wednesday, 18 October 2017 21:04 (one month ago) Permalink

no I mean annoy them by calling them over while they're engaged in something else to ask them (or have them do) something totally stupid

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 18 October 2017 21:07 (one month ago) Permalink

advice from the jerky school of parenting!

Οὖτις, Wednesday, 18 October 2017 21:07 (one month ago) Permalink

"Dad, look!" with no additional information. From several rooms or floors away.

It could be a gorgeous sunset, a particularly gross booger, or anything in between.

looser than lucinda (Ye Mad Puffin), Wednesday, 18 October 2017 21:44 (one month ago) Permalink

E also likes to say "Dad can you try it?" about things she is doing that there is no physical way I could imitate, e.g she is in the bathtub and does some kind of flop (I am clothed and not in the bathtub), or she climbs through some very small thing on the playground. "Dad can you do like this?" *does thing* "That's how you do it!"

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Wednesday, 18 October 2017 21:47 (one month ago) Permalink

Often the object they're calling you towards isn't decided until you get there. They'll look about and pick something up to justify calling you.

Leaghaidh am brón an t-anam bochd (dowd), Wednesday, 18 October 2017 22:15 (one month ago) Permalink

Like "Dowd! Dowd! Dowd!" "what?" "um...here: this toy lion".

Leaghaidh am brón an t-anam bochd (dowd), Wednesday, 18 October 2017 22:17 (one month ago) Permalink

my favourite current toddler tantrum is him screaming at me 'nooo! Don't wipe my tears away!'

kinder, Wednesday, 18 October 2017 22:53 (one month ago) Permalink

that made me screw up my face with glee

estela, Thursday, 19 October 2017 11:30 (one month ago) Permalink

i have twice had to go around the corner to hide my laughter from him

kinder, Thursday, 19 October 2017 12:44 (one month ago) Permalink

oh last time he made me put the tears back on his face

kinder, Thursday, 19 October 2017 12:44 (one month ago) Permalink

LOOOOOL

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 19 October 2017 12:50 (one month ago) Permalink

dying @ that

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 19 October 2017 12:51 (one month ago) Permalink

it's his thing! He used to hate having his temperature taken: 'don't take my temperature! put it back in!'

kinder, Thursday, 19 October 2017 22:12 (one month ago) Permalink

omg <3

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 19 October 2017 22:38 (one month ago) Permalink

oh last time he made me put the tears back on his face

LOL. My wife just called to let me know that our son was 30 minutes late to preschool because he had a complete meltdown in the parking lot when she wiped his mouth, insisting that they go back home so he could put more peanut butter on his face.

early rejecter, Friday, 20 October 2017 16:19 (one month ago) Permalink

haha

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 20 October 2017 16:51 (one month ago) Permalink

oh my god that is amazing

Marcus Hiles Remains Steadfast About Planting Trees.jpg (DJP), Friday, 20 October 2017 17:00 (one month ago) Permalink

lol, I haven't dealt with those exact tantrums but I definitely recognize the general concept

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Friday, 20 October 2017 17:15 (one month ago) Permalink

the Fuckin' Fours are worse than the Terrible Twos imo

Οὖτις, Friday, 20 October 2017 17:19 (one month ago) Permalink

We park in a self-park apt building garage where we (usually) park behind another car. Every time I pull into the space and stop now, E, who is 2, says "Dad, drive a little more!" meaning pull up more. She is usually right.

IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Friday, 20 October 2017 17:27 (one month ago) Permalink

xp: heh, just wait until the Thoughtless Thirteens.

how's life, Friday, 20 October 2017 17:33 (one month ago) Permalink

omg mine has done that too re putting dirt back on his hands when he didn't want them wiped

kinder, Friday, 20 October 2017 20:41 (one month ago) Permalink

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FNjRjycjFIc

Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Friday, 20 October 2017 20:49 (one month ago) Permalink

hahahaha

kinder, Friday, 20 October 2017 22:42 (one month ago) Permalink

So glad my kids never did the fake crying/whining thing to get their way. I hate that!

DJI, Friday, 20 October 2017 23:07 (one month ago) Permalink

i love all this rottenness so much <3

estela, Friday, 20 October 2017 23:23 (one month ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

The kids were talking about how Justine Clarke is about to have her own show on ABC (she's a kids tv presenter)

Dex declares "it has a puppet dog, called Snuffy the Dickhead!"

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Saturday, 4 November 2017 23:29 (two weeks ago) Permalink

One of my sons has started attempting to engage our Amazon Echo in conversation and it's been amazing.

For example, he banged his leg on a table running around the living room and said, "Ow! Alexa, do you have legs?"

the Hannah Montana of the Korean War (DJP), Monday, 6 November 2017 16:24 (two weeks ago) Permalink

<3

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 6 November 2017 16:38 (two weeks ago) Permalink

Kids talking to siri etc is always a fun time.

Stoop Crone (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 November 2017 00:56 (two weeks ago) Permalink

my son has a song he made up and sings quite a lot, usually after I tell him something. It's called 'No it isn't' and goes: 'No it isn't, no it isn't, no it isn't.... no it isn't, no it isn't...'

kinder, Sunday, 12 November 2017 19:39 (one week ago) Permalink

I put on Massive Attack's Protection as dinner music last night and D started singing "I'll stand in front of you" randomly as the song went on; then, when "Karmacoma" started, both boys started doing a raise-the-roof dance routine in their chairs. To my knowledge, I hadn't played the album for them before.

It's working. It's really working.

the Hannah Montana of the Korean War (DJP), Monday, 13 November 2017 15:15 (one week ago) Permalink

So cute.

how's life, Monday, 13 November 2017 15:19 (one week ago) Permalink

"Earth is my favorite planet because that's where my friends live"

silverfish, Tuesday, 14 November 2017 13:43 (one week ago) Permalink

Been super into dinosaurs lately and last week he came home from preschool having learned that “poop” is the funniest word ever. So now I’m constantly hearing “poopasaurus is the stinkiest dinosaur ever!”

joygoat, Tuesday, 14 November 2017 14:17 (one week ago) Permalink

Does he know that the word for fossilized dino poop is "coprolite"? Because I know that now, all because of children.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPUEX0quyh0

how's life, Tuesday, 14 November 2017 14:29 (one week ago) Permalink

"Be Faithful" by Fatman Scoop was playing on the radio while I was getting ready this morning; after I left the bathroom, D followed me to my bedroom and jumped up and down on the bed while rapping the Black Sheep quote as I got dressed.

the Hannah Montana of the Korean War (DJP), Tuesday, 14 November 2017 15:13 (one week ago) Permalink

omg <3

Squeaky Fromage (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 14 November 2017 17:34 (one week ago) Permalink


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