execrable children's programming pox

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I saw an episode of Doodlebops and holy shit wtf I don't even. I don't have a child but goddam if I did she wouldn't be watching this. Why is this sick stuff legal?

Ed Love (rip van wanko), Friday, 13 January 2012 20:21 (five years ago) Permalink

and don't get me started on Dora the Explorer, good Lord!

Ed Love (rip van wanko), Friday, 13 January 2012 20:24 (five years ago) Permalink

I like the Backyardigans.

It means why you gotta be a montague? (Laurel), Friday, 13 January 2012 20:30 (five years ago) Permalink

Peppa Pig is quite often the best thing on telly.

nate woolls, Friday, 13 January 2012 20:30 (five years ago) Permalink

can't stand kids' shows like waybuloo where the characters talk in gibberish. kids are supposed to be learning how to TALK, not how to go "FEEEEmooooo eeeewennn!" - they can do that already quite nicely thanks#

waybuloo also promotes a distinctly pro crystal vibes mystical bullshit ethos imo

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 16 January 2012 15:44 (five years ago) Permalink

The show features four whimsical characters called Piplings who live in Nara and play with real children, referred to as ‘cheebies’. It encourages children to get interested in exercise by showing them a simple version of yoga.

i mean

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 16 January 2012 15:45 (five years ago) Permalink

kids programmes are for kids tbh

little blue souvenir (Noodle Vague), Monday, 16 January 2012 15:48 (five years ago) Permalink


Derartu Cthulhu (NickB), Monday, 16 January 2012 15:51 (five years ago) Permalink

the Wiggles/Doodlebops continuum is just abominable

my kid primarily watches two shows: Yo Gabba Gabba and Sesame Street. She's seen Thomas the Train on occasion, and a bunch of episodes of the old Muppet Show.

“How you like that, Mr. Hitler!” (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 17 January 2012 20:48 (five years ago) Permalink

NO, wait! This one!


It means why you gotta be a montague? (Laurel), Tuesday, 17 January 2012 21:12 (five years ago) Permalink

Horns and dance moves!!

It means why you gotta be a montague? (Laurel), Tuesday, 17 January 2012 21:16 (five years ago) Permalink

Really like Backyardigans. Music director is John Lurie's brother! Also, great dancing, fun stories, low pandering factor.

like working at a jewelry store and not knowing about bracelets (Dr. Superman), Wednesday, 18 January 2012 04:44 (five years ago) Permalink

I'd never seen Thomas until recently, but from what I've picked up, each episode seems to be about how one of the trains acts like a total asshole?

Saw an episode of Lazytown a few weeks ago. That was weird. Not certain if I like it.

Spongebob obviously supposed to skew a little older, but more than half the time, I want to set my TV on fire after watching it.

My favorite thing on earth right now is Chica on the Sunny-Side Up Show. I was home sick for a week with my daughter recently and she got so happy about that little chicken puppet. It brings tears to my eyes.


beachville, Wednesday, 18 January 2012 14:27 (five years ago) Permalink

My son was into Doodlebops briefly when he was a lot younger. I don't impose my tastes on the kids, because they can attach so much personal significance to the stuff they like. You know, they're like "Doodlebops are awesome! I want to be a Doodlebop!" And you can't be all like "No son, Doodlebops are LAME." I was really glad when he moved on to something else, though.

beachville, Wednesday, 18 January 2012 14:32 (five years ago) Permalink

Fresh Beat Band is more tolerable.


beachville, Wednesday, 18 January 2012 14:35 (five years ago) Permalink

I don't impose my tastes on the kids

how old is your kid...?

“How you like that, Mr. Hitler!” (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 18 January 2012 17:46 (five years ago) Permalink

cuz I mean before a certain age they're incapable of making media choices on their own

“How you like that, Mr. Hitler!” (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 18 January 2012 17:47 (five years ago) Permalink

Well, on the older one. He's almost 8. I've been his parent since he was 4. I've never asked him to turn something off for the sole reason that I didn't like it. There would have to be some kind of content issue, and there usually isn't.

beachville, Wednesday, 18 January 2012 19:07 (five years ago) Permalink

ah okay that makes sense. Yeah once my daughter can figure out how to turn on the TV and play music on the stereo by herself I expect to limit my role to one of establishing ground rules for how much she can watch and monitoring questionable/adult content. But at this point (she's 4) she pretty much is only exposed to the music and the TV shows that I choose for her, so I'm always surprised when people complain about the tastes of toddlers or whatever - like, if you're annoyed that they love a particular Disney song so much, maybe you shouldn't have taken them to the movie etc.

“How you like that, Mr. Hitler!” (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 18 January 2012 20:00 (five years ago) Permalink

they learn it from their friends, child minders, etc. it's sick. my three year old is intimately acquainted with the entire cast of peppa pig despite us having never played it to him, ever.

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 18 January 2012 20:12 (five years ago) Permalink

Johnny Test is so awful. I didn't even realize it until tonight when I was consciously trying to decide how much I really liked my son's tv shows. It dawned on me: every time this show comes on, I completely tune out or wander off to do the dishes or something.

It may be the noisiest show I've ever heard. It's completely reliant on repetitive soundtrack motifs the way that shitty sitcoms were completely reliant on laughtracks to let you know when the jokes happened. It's just wall-to-wall clanging.

beachville, Thursday, 19 January 2012 01:09 (five years ago) Permalink

haha, otm. that is one of the few shows we make the kids turn off.

buzza, Thursday, 19 January 2012 01:43 (five years ago) Permalink

I saw Harvey Feierstein on Sesame Street the other day. Everything was coming up noses.

Full Frontal Newtity (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 25 January 2012 20:32 (five years ago) Permalink

guys so i'm guessing your kids are pretty young you should watch yo gabba gabba while it's still not weird. it's the best show!

hhhhhh Bill I juste like ertronic thinges (NZA), Thursday, 26 January 2012 23:56 (five years ago) Permalink

my kid is almost 13 now and he likes icarly.

hhhhhh Bill I juste like ertronic thinges (NZA), Thursday, 26 January 2012 23:57 (five years ago) Permalink

I heard pre-K kids talking about Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. For the first time, I was all "those two better not fuck up like Brittany and Miley."

pplains, Friday, 27 January 2012 00:37 (five years ago) Permalink

one month passes...

Add Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitsu to this list, please.

beachville, Thursday, 8 March 2012 01:20 (five years ago) Permalink

five months pass...

Annoying Orange ftw

the same dope water as you (how's life), Tuesday, 21 August 2012 22:23 (four years ago) Permalink

one month passes...

Will the children of the future remember Annoying Orange with the same fondness that we remember Bugs Bunny or whatever?

sorcery is in the gutter (how's life), Wednesday, 17 October 2012 12:21 (four years ago) Permalink

"my kid is almost 13 now and he likes icarly.

― hhhhhh Bill I juste like ertronic thinges (NZA), Thursday, January 26, 2012 5:57 PM (8 months ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink"

hell, I like iCarly

BLOCKY 4 LYFE (sunny successor), Friday, 19 October 2012 14:40 (four years ago) Permalink

My fav shows beats watches are fairly oddparents, danny phantom and spiderman and his amazing friends (the series with firestar and iceman). Henry is strictly yo gabba. Before gabba he just wasn't interested in tv. what a weirdo.

BLOCKY 4 LYFE (sunny successor), Friday, 19 October 2012 14:44 (four years ago) Permalink

eight months pass...

my toddler's super into Twisted Whiskers. It's a whole TV series designed, I guess, to promote a line of greeting cards from American Greetings? Well, here"


Twisted Whiskers is a childrens series developed in 2010 for entertainment and American Greeting has used some information for greeting cardsTwisted Whiskers is a design for greeting cards developed and licensed by American Greetings and created by Terrill Bohlar since 2001. It includes digitally modified photos of animals, creating a caricature. The series includes greeting cards, gift items, wrapping paper, notepads and holiday items. Animated e-cards and instant messenger products have been produced as well. In 2011, American Greetings relaunched the line with the release of greeting cards featuring lenticular designs, showing a pet turning into a trademark character of the Twisted Whiskers line.

Oh, here's one:

how's life, Wednesday, 19 June 2013 23:21 (four years ago) Permalink

There's a fuckton of it on Netflix.

how's life, Wednesday, 19 June 2013 23:22 (four years ago) Permalink

Beatrice loves twisted whiskers too. I was amazed they made a series based off of greeting cards. I mean they must be selling a shit ton of those cards to make a tv show cost prohibitive.

We dont watch "TV" much anymore. Its all Netflix. Henry is mad into Oscars Oasis and Pingu. To us these are interesting choices as they have no real dialogue and Henry has delayed speech development. The weird thing about that being he can understand everything he hears but cant say much back too clearly.

educate yourself to this reality (sunny successor), Thursday, 20 June 2013 14:03 (four years ago) Permalink

fuckton shit ton. what charming parents we are.

educate yourself to this reality (sunny successor), Thursday, 20 June 2013 14:06 (four years ago) Permalink

eight months pass...

Been having total bummer-thoughts about animal cartoons with mixed-species casts and poorly-matched life expectancies. Take Wonder Pets for example. You have a guinea pig (life expectancy 4-5 years), a duck (life expectancy 10-20 years*), and a turtle (life expectancy decades). Realize this is not the programs fault and is really more indicative of my own mental state. Not exclusive to the Wonder Pets, obvs. Could easily transpose to Looney Tunes or whatever. Had to share this with someone though and I'm just adding to my list of things I'm sure as hell not gonna bring up in front of the kids.

*Presuming with the name Ming Ming that she is a Mandarin Duck.

set the trolls for the heart of the sun (how's life), Monday, 3 March 2014 12:18 (three years ago) Permalink

two years pass...

Beatrice loves twisted whiskers too. I was amazed they made a series based off of greeting cards. I mean they must be selling a shit ton of those cards to make a tv show cost prohibitive.

― educate yourself to this reality (sunny successor), Thursday, June 20, 2013 10:03 AM (three years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Just learned recently that American Greetings was also responsible for Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcake, and (my favorite when I was 4) The Get Along Gang.


Anyway, lately my youngest has been into H20: Mermaid Adventures on Netflix, a cartoon reboot of an Australian live-action show. It's corny as hell but I'm actually enjoying it and try to subtly hint for it instead of another round of Octonauts or whatever.


how's life, Friday, 2 December 2016 17:17 (six months ago) Permalink

i would take the shittiest cheapest narrative cartoon over the youtube videos my kids now watch of people just opening and describing toys

na (NA), Friday, 2 December 2016 17:51 (six months ago) Permalink

I want to find the guy who came up with this series, lock him up in a room somewhere....


pplains, Saturday, 3 December 2016 02:50 (six months ago) Permalink

hate shimmer & shine, littlest pet shop, the new strawberry shortcake, shopkins, mlp: equestria girls, paw patrol, lalaloopsy, lalaloopsy, i really cannot state enough how much i hate lalaloopsy, bubble guppies, mickey's clubhouse

all of these shows my children love

Mordy, Saturday, 3 December 2016 03:03 (six months ago) Permalink

lazy town is super creepy. luckily my kids don't like it.

Mordy, Saturday, 3 December 2016 03:04 (six months ago) Permalink

We Bare Bears, on the other hand, see also Adventure Time, and to a lesser extent Regular Show, I happily watch them without the kids there.

vickyp, Wednesday, 7 December 2016 13:30 (six months ago) Permalink

steven universe and adventure time are both a++ shows that my kids are not half as interested in as i am

Mordy, Wednesday, 7 December 2016 14:35 (six months ago) Permalink

i would take the shittiest cheapest narrative cartoon over the youtube videos my kids now watch of people just opening and describing toys

omfg these are THE WORST

there's one of a dude ordering his wife to play with a Thomas toy set a certain way that my kids were playing on repeat for a while that is unberable and had me on the verge of going full Luddite

¶ (DJP), Wednesday, 7 December 2016 17:37 (six months ago) Permalink


nomar, Wednesday, 7 December 2016 17:40 (six months ago) Permalink

^^^ this OTOH made me laugh really, really loudly

¶ (DJP), Wednesday, 7 December 2016 17:40 (six months ago) Permalink

i can't believe how much Thomas i've watched. i think that phase is maybe over. i think we've talked about this before DJP but i feel like the creepy dictatorship of Sodor seems to indicate to me a nazi victory on the mainland and there's sort of "Train in the High Castle" shit that's going on. basing this entirely on my theory of topham hatt being a former Gestapo with sadistic methods, cf walling up Henry as punishment and what not, the constant terror the trains live in of being turned into scrap, etc.

nomar, Wednesday, 7 December 2016 17:49 (six months ago) Permalink

I am 100% down with a "Life Is Beautiful And Really Useful" reading of Thomas and Friends

¶ (DJP), Wednesday, 7 December 2016 17:58 (six months ago) Permalink

Bing is sweet, but the impression it gives is of some far-future post-human utopia where genetically engineered "human" animal children are cared for by AIs in the bodies of toys

Bernard, about an accident-prone and bad-tempered polar bear, is quite good, but occasionally horrifyingly sadistic

I hear from this arsehole again, he's going in the river (James Morrison), Thursday, 8 December 2016 00:21 (six months ago) Permalink

The Furchester Hotel Christmas special guest-stars the Count and Big Bird 👍

Madchen, Tuesday, 20 December 2016 17:48 (six months ago) Permalink

My daughter now loves a show called "Dinosaur Train." It purports to be "Jim Henson's Dinosaur Train," and purporting to be the creation of a dead man should be the first clue that a show is insufferable. The second is that it's called "Dinosaur Train," which feels like the by-committee kids programming equivalent of "Abe and the Babe" from The Big Picture. As advertised, it consists of dinosaurs riding around on a train for 30 minutes. At least I think, because I never can stand to pay attention for an entire episode.

the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Tuesday, 20 December 2016 18:18 (six months ago) Permalink

Time tunnel approaching!

how's life, Tuesday, 20 December 2016 18:22 (six months ago) Permalink

our kid loves dinosaurs and had a Dinosaur Train phase. It seemed inoffensively ok to me but it kinda sank into the muddle of all the other shows he watched that didn't leave an impression. Also any shows about lovable dinos are to me weighed down with an impending sense of doom.

p.s. I was annoyed that when trying unsuccessfully to fulfill his wish to dress up as a pterosaur for Halloween, the only mask I could find for a kid on Amazon was a goddamned Dinosaur Train one and I refused to get it.

nomar, Tuesday, 20 December 2016 18:25 (six months ago) Permalink

I've never paid attention to an entire Dinosaur Train episode either, but my daughter went through a pretty big phase with it. I just remember the 4-episode (?) where they went through the Dinosaur ABCs and they'd sing a version of this song every 5 minutes.


how's life, Tuesday, 20 December 2016 18:27 (six months ago) Permalink

My son is 2 now, and we're just letting him watch a little tv. I have no idea what shows are supposed to be good for toddlers (outside of Daniel Tiger.) Maybe this doesn't belong in this thread, but we watched the adaptation of The Snowy Day on Amazon Instant and while it was admirably multi-cultural, it totally messed up what was great about the book. But at least now my son looks at me every few minutes and says, "It's a snowy day."

duped and used by my worst Miss U (President Keyes), Tuesday, 20 December 2016 18:32 (six months ago) Permalink

Dinosaur Train is wholly inoffensive IMO

¶ (DJP), Tuesday, 20 December 2016 19:24 (six months ago) Permalink

what do the trains run on

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 20 December 2016 19:52 (six months ago) Permalink


¶ (DJP), Tuesday, 20 December 2016 19:53 (six months ago) Permalink

I've only had to watch one episode of that Dinosaur Train show and it was the one where they met an Elvis dinosaur...? Show makes zero sense and has marginal educational value but idk I've seen worse. Octonauts still the platonic ideal of inoffensive toddler TV shows imo.

Οὖτις, Tuesday, 20 December 2016 19:58 (six months ago) Permalink

That Dinosaur Train song seems hugely inferior to the songs Jim Henson used to write. Henson wrote clever, easily singable songs, which this one ain't. It has no tune, and the lyrics are just a list of names, so they opted for a speedy tempo and big beats to create a sense of fun, but the tempo garbles the dinosaur names, so unless you know them all beforehand, you learn nothing.

a little too mature to be cute (Aimless), Tuesday, 20 December 2016 20:20 (six months ago) Permalink

"Dinosaur Train" is such a shamelessly-pandering name for a kids show. Why not just call it "Dinosaur Ice Cream Peekaboo Elmo Train?"

DJI, Tuesday, 20 December 2016 20:26 (six months ago) Permalink

been watching Sesame Street with my 2 year old lately, is it just me or is this basically the Elmo show now? weren't there other muppets at one point?

frogbs, Tuesday, 20 December 2016 20:27 (six months ago) Permalink

Have any of you seen the Furchester Hotel? Fair enough if I'm the lone UK voice and if it's only available on CBeebies, but imo it has a lot of good old-skool Henson about it, plus the bonus of a Fawlty Towersesque setting.

Madchen, Tuesday, 20 December 2016 20:28 (six months ago) Permalink

Sesame Street is 100% The Elmo Show

¶ (DJP), Tuesday, 20 December 2016 20:35 (six months ago) Permalink

I guess I shouldn't even mention it in this thread, Sesame Street is good, IMO

some of the stuff on BabyTV though, sheesh. their entire lineup seems to be made on a shoestring budget and the creepiness factor of Tek the Tractor and the Tellitubby-imitating rats is off the charts

frogbs, Tuesday, 20 December 2016 20:40 (six months ago) Permalink

omfg Tek the Tractor is pure nightmare fuel

by contrast, I find the sentient crayons weirdly charming

¶ (DJP), Tuesday, 20 December 2016 20:42 (six months ago) Permalink

I've had the Harry the Bunny theme song stuck in my head for months now

frogbs, Tuesday, 20 December 2016 20:47 (six months ago) Permalink

Octonauts and Wild Kratts are the big ones for us these days.

how's life, Tuesday, 20 December 2016 20:59 (six months ago) Permalink

Furchester Hotel is pretty great. I dubbed off a whole lot of episodes onto audio CD and Ella listens to them most nights when going to sleep.

Go Jettas also very popular round these parts.

I hear from this arsehole again, he's going in the river (James Morrison), Wednesday, 21 December 2016 05:41 (six months ago) Permalink

That is such a great idea about the audio burning!

stet, Wednesday, 21 December 2016 16:30 (six months ago) Permalink

three months pass...

octonauts has some weird dynamics I'm not quite sure about

- captain barnacles is clearly not an especially experienced seaman nor is he very well versed in science; I suspect he is a sort of Richard Branson / James Cameron type who came into a very large fortune by some means or another and has decided to follow his passion, with the help of some hangers-on that don't realize (or do, and don't care) how incredibly dangerous he is

- rather disappointing that the kiwi dog got re-dubbed for the american edition. by which I mean profoundly upsetting, every time she talks it feels like the curse word cut-outs in a radio edit, where you're reminded they intentionally ruined something on purpose for the lamest of reasons

- kwazii has no place at sea - he's clearly deranged, a danger to himself and others, the only thing I can figure is that he's barnacles old pal from school who just won't ever go away; he and kwazii have a really problematic co-codependency thing going on and I have to imagine that many eligible and attractive partners approached the wealthy "captain" over the years only to realize that his addled buddy with the questionable hygiene was never going to settle for anything less than 95% of barnacles' time and attention

- professor inkling is a total fraud, as is obvious to every other professional on the ship, but thanks to the credulousness of barnacles, scientific credentialism and the utter failure of meritocracy in the 3d cartoon animal world as well as ours, his paperwork is sufficient to ensure his continued employment on the octopod despite being only slightly less useless than kwazii

- the other crew members are remarkably talented and incredibly chipper, because not being both of those things is how you know you won't last long on the octopod with the aforementioned three idiots running the show. They all seem like sharp, hard working graduates at the top of their respective classes, but none of them went to "name" schools and of course they would jump at the chance to earn what is probably an inflated salary on a "research" expedition which doesn't have to rely on finicky government funding and there's no pressure to publish original work or whatever. Looking at the penguin and the otter in particular I'm guessing they're also carrying a massive amount of student loan debt.

- the fact that the below-decks junior crew are all "vegimals" seems to indicate a pervasive racism / caste system persists in octonaut world, so once again, not that different from real life

The Jams Manager (1992, Brickster) (El Tomboto), Tuesday, 18 April 2017 23:32 (two months ago) Permalink

I have similar thoughts re Bing: it seems to show a future post-human utopia with evolved-into-anthropomorphic-form animals are cared for by syntehtic AI intelligences in the form of friendly toys

I hear from this arsehole again, he's going in the river (James Morrison), Wednesday, 19 April 2017 05:54 (two months ago) Permalink

lol tom booming post

illegal economic migration (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 19 April 2017 10:01 (two months ago) Permalink

That is everything I have wanted to say but could not put into words.

how's life, Wednesday, 19 April 2017 11:41 (two months ago) Permalink

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