Kids In The Hall - what's your favorite sketch(es)

beautiful.

I hate the swiss.

he has!

"if I'm the air traffic controller around here, then you're grounded, mister!"

Dave: Bruce has something that he'd like to say to everyone. Go ahead, Bruce.

Bruce: Hi.

Dave: Go on, Bruce.

Bruce: Hi.

Dave: Just do it, Bruce. Come on. [The two of them argue slightly]

Bruce: OK, you asked me. . .

Dave: Well, just do it. . .

Bruce: Fine. I'll do it . . .

Dave: Just go.

Bruce: Dave Foley, ladies and gentlemen.

[applause]

Dave: No, just do it, Bruce. You're wasting a lot of time. Bruce McCulloch would like to say something.

Bruce: I'm sorry I caused all that cancer. [laughter] I didn't realize it was such a hideous disease.

[more laughter. Dave looks bewildered]

Dave: [angry] I suppose you think that makes it, OK? 'I'm sorry I caused all that cancer. . .' you don't even sound like you mean it, Bruce.

Bruce: Dave, you asked me to apologize and that's just what I did.

Dave: I'm sorry. Well, in rehearsal you sounded like you meant it, it sounded like you were actually remorseful about what you had done, but this was pretty, pretty lame, Bruce. I think you should apologize like you really mean it.

Bruce: [hurt] Fine, David. I'm sorry I caused all that throat cancer and all that bowel cancer. I was just on a roll . . .

Dave: . . . and?

Bruce: and I won't do it again.

Dave: Thank you, Bruce.

[applause]

"oh no, time to clean up the country!"

"In the darkness...in the blackness..."

i also really like the sketch where kevin is a high-school boy about to get lucky with mike as a young lass with a mouth-full of braces - only kevin gets freaked out by all the imagery in the bedroom - the picture of dad with a shotgun, jesus on the wall, a menacing dog in the corner of the room, etc, not to mention a terrible storm outside. it's all enough to make an anxious kevin pass out and then he wakes to mike screaming and the dog humping him. good family fun that one.

ARGH YES! BOUNCY BALL!

"and my 8th favorite band is the Smiths, and my 7th favorite band is the Pogues" or something, is what she says before she goes to "change into something more comfortable."

earth quaka, earth quaka, whole lotta shakin' goin' on.

son, your mother left me.

Bell biv devoe, bell beiv devoe...

- Dave:
"What's the point of what we do?"
Kevin:
"Sorry, I don't follow you."
Dave:
"Well, I mean we travel 250,000 light years across the universe, abduct humans, probe them anally, and release them."
Kevin:
"Yeah? And?"
Dave:
"Well, doesn't it seem kind of pointless?"
Kevin:
"I really don't think about it."
Dave:
"Well, don't you think you should?"
Kevin:
"No, I don't think I should. I don't think I should question the leadership of our Great Leader."
Dave:
"Oh, come on. I mean, we've been coming here for 50 years and performing anal probes and all that we have learned is that 1 in 10 doesn't really seem to mind."

bad description, but that one was hilarious.

I'm paraphrasing, but it's still a great skit.

the one where Bruce tells his son Scott a bedtime story and the son thinks he's making it up and later the mom says "so if you weren't on a picnic with the bears last friday where were you?"

and for christsakes-

Daddy drank-

How many girls called you today son? Zero?

How many girls called you yesterday son? Zero?

You know what they say, Zero plus Zero equalls FAGGOT. Add it up, you little mathematician.

Oh remember how you said you wanted a puppy son? Well on my way home from work I bought you a puppy...but then I got hungry so I ate it.

I'm just kidding son, I'd never do that. I'd never buy you a puppy.

(don't pour salt in your eye is soooo classic..)

I also like the one where Bruce is a tough-guy in a bar and he picks a fight with that big burly dude. So they step out into the alley and Bruce proceeds to get pummeled over and over and over and over again. All the while the crowd just kind of makes "ooooh" and "oh" noises before they begin telling Bruce to "stay down".

(Bruce and Kevin both go for the same guy)

"You think he's good-looking?" "Oh you know, nice smile, honest face."