Realest Of Football, Realest Of Talk: Football League, Blue Square & Beyond, 2009/10

You won't be laughing when Arsenal's stadium gets named after some sponsor or other.

i'm sure andrex could find a good in somewhere.

Good a bye younger Fergie.

for all those spouting off about southgate's totally inevitable sacking at boro - peterborough's is what an actual crazy decision looks like.

props to gordon strachan btw, keep up the good lolwork.

what the actual fuck @ peterborough

i guess that's just what you get for selling us back super tommy 'didnt fecking square it in the 2003 play off final v cardiff which is now sure to repeat itself' williams.

Gus Poyet announced as Brighton and Hove Albion's new manager, hmm.

Living off his coaching success at Spurs and Leeds.

good luck to Gus

darraghmac in charge of a football club, i don't think there's any real surprise here.

"'Dear Players of Grimsby Town FC

'I am writing with regard to my absolute astonishment and disbelief as to the sheer magnitude of your complete lack of talent and failure to carry out the job for which you are paid to do. I am not aware of any swear word or other derogatory phrase in my current vocabulary which comes close to a description of your 'performance' (and I use that term loosely) this afternoon, but let me just say that you have collectively reached a level of inadequacy and ineptitude that neither I nor modern science had previously considered possible.

'In fact I recall a time, in my youth, when I decided to call in sick at work and instead spent the entire day in my one bedroom flat wearing nothing but my underpants, eating toast and w***ing furiously over second-rate Scandinavian porn. Yet somehow, I still managed to contribute more to my employer in that one Andrex-filled day than you complete bunch of toss-baskets have contributed to this club in your entire time here.

'I would genuinely like to know how you pathetic little p***flaps sleep at night, knowing full well that you have taken my money and that of several thousand others and delivered precisely f**k all in return. I run a business myself, and I believe I could take any 4,000 of my customers at random; burn down their houses, impregnate their wives and then dismember their children before systematically sending them back in the post, limb-by-limb, and still ensure a level of customer satisfaction which exceeds that which I have experienced at Blundell Park at any time so far this season.

'You are a total disgrace, not only to your profession, not only to the human race, but to nature itself. This may sound like an exaggeration, but believe me when I say that I have passed kidney stones which have brought me a greater level of pleasure and entertainment than watching each of you worthless excuses for professional footballers attempt to play a game you are clearly incapable of playing, week-in, week-out.

'I considered, for a second, that I was perhaps being a little too harsh. But then I recalled that I have blindly given you all the benefit of the doubt for too long now. Yes, for too long you have failed to earn the air you've been breathing by offering any kind of tangible quality either as footballers or as people in general. As such, I feel it's only fair that your supply runs out forthwith.

'I trust, at this precise moment in time, that Mr Fenty is in his office tapping away on the Easyjet web site booking you all one-way flights to Zurich, complete with an overnight stay with our cheese eating friends at Dignitas. Don't bother packing your toothbrush - you won't need it.

'In the event that our beloved chairman can't afford the expense (understandable given that he's soon going to have to assemble a new squad from scratch), then I am prepared to sell my family (including my unborn child) to a dubious consortium of Middle Eastern businessmen in order to pay for the flights. Christ, I'll drive you there myself, one-by one, without sleep, if I have to.

'Failing that, understanding that most dubious Middle Eastern businessmen are tied-up purchasing Premier League football clubs, I ask you to please take matters into your hands. Use your imagination, guys - strangle yourselves or cover yourself in tinfoil and take a fork to a nearby plug socket, or something. Just put yourselves and us fans out of our collective misery.

'So, in summary, you pack of repugnant, sputum-filled, invertebrate b***ards; leave this club now and don't you f**king dare look back. You've consistently demonstrated less passion and desire than can commonly be found within the contents of a sloth's scrótum, so frankly you can just all f**k off - don't pass go, don't collect your wages, don't ever come back to this town again.

'I look forward to you serving me at my local McDonald's drive-thru in the near future.

'Yours sincerely
A very disillusioned Mariner'"

just coming here to post that :)

http://thefishy.co.uk/cgi-bin/forum/Blah.pl?m-1257631840/s-0/

Peterborough saga gets a bit odder - Fergie Jr's replacement is apparently set to be Kettering gaffer Terry Cooper. Which doesn't suggest a club looking for a quick fix, since he's completely inexperienced at this level. Kettering have done well under his stewardship, but we're hardly talking Nigel Clough levels of achievement.

Still - Exodus Geohaghan for the Championship, anyone?

Whaat? Mark Cooper has been tootling around a few jobs in the upper end of non-league for a bit, trees have generally not been in fear of being pulled up in his presence.

If they'd appointed his dad as you suggest that would have been a different matter...

Gus Poyet's assistant at Brighton - Mauricio Taricco!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LsLO2KVv0Mo&feature=related

At the 1'07 mark, classic material.

Mauricio fucking Taricco.

^^lol yes

Can I just? WOOOOOOOO. Thanks.

Not sure if it belongs on this thread, but seeing as football doesn't get any realer than this... I mentioned a while back about how I'd thought youngsters were being trained properly these days, only to be put right by seeing some actual kids' action. More of this going on as I made my way home tonight in atrocious conditions. Actual coaching of a sort too, with shouted instructions like "Try something different, Ryan" and "Don't let this mob settle".

Anyway, as well as savouring everyone lining up in the middle for a corner kick which bounces before it reaches the 18-yard box, I was tickled enough to get a couple of snaps of the loneliest kid in the world:
http://img134.imageshack.us/img134/3968/theloneliestkidinthewor.jpg

If the wind weren't in his direction, he would have had no involvement in the game whatsoever. The camera hasn't picked it up, but it's absolutely tipping it down too - 45° right-to-left in the second shot.

Still - Exodus Geohaghan for the Championship, anyone?

― William Bloody Swygart, Friday, 13 November 2009 22:04 (1 week ago)

BOOM GOES THE DYNAMITE

OH SHIT

probably the greatest part of finally meeting Swygart last weekend was attempting to pronounce Exodus' full name and being corrected by the master with scarce a beat missed

Disappointed they didn't work 'Player Exodus' into the headline.

is his name not just pronounced like "gay-gun" or what

There's an England C team?!

yeah, an amateur-only team. or semi-pro. something like that.

Insert England joke here

England C team = English players playing in the Blue Square Premier or below is eligible

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/England_C_national_football_team

they normally pick players in their early 20s

That's pretty cool, we should feature them more on this thread, even if they did get their arses handed to them by Bosnia B. Not too many of the C lads seem to make the big step up - nice to see Sam Ricketts notching goal of the week last Saturday though.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/46807000/jpg/_46807671_89569998.jpg

BBC subs bringing the image quality again

poor barnsley :(

Kettering 1 - 0 Leeds United L

lol graham taylor and elton john etc

kinda waiting for rtc's verdict

props to gordon strachan btw, keep up the good lolwork.

― r|t|c, Monday, 9 November 2009 22:22 (4 weeks ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

be churlish of me to change my tack now tbh.

haaaaaaaaa

anyway i am watching this watford bullshit now so LET'S LIVE IN THE PRESENT EH. having just fired it up i have no grasp as of yet of what's going on but i see idiot napoleon jim has RUNG THE CHANGES by dropping all our actually good players and leaving in his beloved fitz "one cunt" hall. this bodes brilliant.

oh wow and leigertwood's back in midfield as well. this is extra fantastic cos jimbo's whole fecking purported reason for playing hall is his donna sammer "passing game" (which is obviously way better than our reigning players of the year gorkss & stewart comprising one of best defences of last season's division) - legs in the middle booting everything into touch is really gonna further this noble aim while wilkinseque passmaster faurlin dawdles away on the wing.

game is a bunch of haplesss balls so far btw, we look like a john gregory era timewaRP YESSSSS GET THE FUCK IN NEVERMIND WAHEY

looooooooooooooooooooooooool

we're still absolute pony so far mind. neither i nor jim have any belief in the moral validity of this game whatsoever but let's all just grind it out and get back to fannying around next time. watch & learn gooners!

oh tits.

...

poor qpr

taarabt was just unbefuckinglievable those last 10 minutes. every single shooting or passing opportunity that opened up he elects to turn the defender a third time or do twenty-six stepovers and fall over. he is a wind-up merchant on a wild, cosmic level; an agent of pure anarchy untrammelled by any regard for friend or foe, for right and wrong; cruel loki incarnate. bastard.

Fitz Hall looks like an easter island statue and has less mobility than one

XD especially @ rtc's outpouring - do a whole mini-essay and it'd put that grimsby rant in the shade

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1234340/Under-QPR-manager-Jim-Magilton-faces-axe-headbutt-Akos-Buzsaky-threatens-press-charges.html?

...

this fucking football club

eh i only clicked in to find out from those in the know how our loanees are doing.

eh and specifically taraabt.

i'll get me coat, then.

So yeah, Kettering were basically nowt short of heroic last night, pushed Leeds to within 10 minutes of penalties.

How has chairman Imraan Ladak congratulated them? By sacking assistant manager John Deehan for the substitutions he made in the second half of extra time.

That seems a dumb move on Ladak's part.

I love watching the amazement on the part of "we're football people" types when they find out that the kind of chaps who like to sink £££ into loss-making football clubs in order to create personal fiefdoms turn out to be the kind of chaps who make crazy and impulsive decisions.

Poor Mr Deehan's sacking is as much a part of English football's stupid business model as Leeds's horrible last few years, and for that matter Kettering's full-time squad.

(I know nothing about Kettering's finances or governance structures, by the way, so the above constitutes a complete guess based on other clubs I do know a bit about, and knowing that Kettering keep a full-time squad going on attendances of about 1000.)