Strange Tales of Hassidic Jews

I haven't even read this thread fully yet but GAH

Half of my customers at my store are hasidic or orthodox mostly from Kiryas Joel and/or WIlliamsburg (The rest from Monsey, Lakewood, NJ, and Borough Park)

I have gotten to the point where I can make out a little bit of Yiddish too.

On this, Rabbi Nachman of Bratzlav spun his parable:

Once upon a time, the king said to his beloved chief minister:

- When I look at the stars, I see astrologically that everyone who eats of this year's crop will go mad. So advise me, my friend, what should we eat this year?

The chief minister replied:

- My advice is, Your Majesty, that you give an order that enough of last year's crop be readied for us and so we shall not eat at all from this year's.

The king asked again:

- What is the advantage of your decree? What profit will there be for us if we are the only ones who are sane and everyone else is mad? They will all say that we are the ones who are insane not them. And if you are thinking to prepare enough from last year's crop for the others, our barns do not hold sufficient stocks for that.

- And so, what would your advice be, Your Majesty? - asked the chief minister.

The king replied:

- My advice is that we have no choice but to eat from the year's new crop and to become insane together with the whole world. But I would like the two of us to be different from other people and at least to know that we are mad, while the others will not know.

The chief minister asked:

- May Your Majesty teach me how we are to do that?

The king:

- For that, too, I have an answer. Let us engrave on our foreheads a mark and sign of insanity. Whenever I look at you and you look at me, we will know that we are mad.

New Square, NY is a hasidic village north of NYC. Out of the 1412 votes cast in the 2000 Senate elections, 1400 went to Hillary Clinton.

http://www.detnews.com/2001/politics/0105/04/a05-220310.htm

http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/religions/judaism/worship/images/synplan.gif

The rabbi stands at the bimah, and the Torah is located inside of the ark. In my experience, where in the illustration it says women's seats are usually seated men as well. The woman form a second ring around the men, usually behind a lattice screen, or they can also be on the next floor level, seated above the men and looking down. I've never seen an actual mirror though.

tell shakey!

I'm not finding fault with any particular group of people! I'm just saying that coming from the culture that I was brought up in, having women sit behind a mirror and fucking through a sheet is pretty strange!

I have major issues with the theology and political ideologies and practices of a lot of orthodox sects of pretty much every religion. (I'm sure there all very nice people though)

Bullshit.

Snopes agrees with you.

Also, it doesn't matter whether or not the majority of people in a culture do something, it can still be considered deviant if it strays from the norm. Norms are developed, and though they change over time, there's often a lag between what a culture considers a norm and how the majority of people act. Then there's always hypocrites, too.

Driving around Williamsburg a few years ago with some friends of mine, looking for some elusive restaurant or record shop or some such (don't remember). Being a Manhattan snob, I know precious little about Brooklyn and am familiar with its neighborhoods in the same way I'm familiar with the neighborhoods of, say, central Cambodia (i.e. not at all). In any case, I do know that Williamsburg, along with being the then-home of both my beloved Cop Shoot Cop and Peter Luger's Ass-whupping, vegan-troubling Steak House, is a veritable hotbed of Hassidic Judaism. In any case, we're driving around looking for this place, and we keep noticing little pockets of Hassidic Jews gathered on street corners in seemingly synchronized patterns. Then we'll travel blocks and blocks where we don't see any, then turn a corner and again there'll be droves of them. I comment on this, and my friend Rob turns around and says:

"Yeah, it's like now Hassidim, Now Ya Don't!"

We laugh so hard we have to pull over.

Hassidic Judaism teaches that the husband and wife both must be naked during sex.

foreplay is mandatory

one of the laws is that the husband has to make sure the wife has an orgasm before he does

hassidim have very hot sex

i know

because i am one

:)

Once upon a time, three men were confined in a prison. There were no windows in this prison, no light seeping through any chinks in the wall, no glimmer slipping quietly beneath the door. It was pitch-black in there. So dark, not even the darkness could see.
Now, two of these unlucky fellows, they were very learned, very intelligent men. Great teachers, admired and followed by many. The other, poor soul, he was a simpleton. He knew nothing, nothing at all. He couldn't put his clothes on, he couldn't feed himself, nothing. So, one day, one of these learned men made a decision: he would teach this poor fellow! There, in that darkness. He would teach this poor soul all he needed to know: how to dress himself, how to feed himself, button his buttons, hold a spoon, everything.

He worked hard. But that other fellow, that other learned man? He did nothing, nothing at all. Shameful.

Finally, one day, the hardworking teacher had all he could take. "Friend, I do not understand! Why do you just sit there, waiting? How can you do nothing for this poor simple soul?"

The other man listened, thoughtful. Then, finally, he spoke. "My friend, I understand that you have been working hard. I understand what you have been trying to do. Now, understand me. In my waiting, I have been working, too. You see, in this darkness, I fear: though you teach this poor soul, you will teach him nothing. No matter how many years you try. In this darkness, he can learn nothing of value at all. And so, I sit here thinking. How might I break a hole in that wall? How might I let the light in to this prison? When that happens, my friend, this man can learn for himself all that he needs to know."

"Others think that tales are a good remedy to put one to sleep; I maintain that stories are useful to awaken people."
- R. Nachman of Bratzlav

Hottt Hassidic Sex! Volume One

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