Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

So glad I have 3 weeks off after next week. POOL TIME.

what is this wierd compulsion to just talk even when your intended audience isn't giving you any cues that they're listening at all? please do stfu about your hbp, God's 'plan' for your life and the last 3 dan brown novels you read.

Jesus wants you to quit talking. be still and know that He is Lord iirc.

My sales guys keep asking me questions that make me wonder if they have any idea what I do or how the office operates, seeing as they are basic questions whose answers are "the same way we did this for years so you should already know this". Farkin.

so glad i am one in an office of three ppl

"i've decided that I have zero respect for Lloyd Banks. Just look at this guy. He dresses like a thug."

why wont you leave

Part of my job is to screen potential donors for our non-profit organization. My coworker and I usually field requests for this information from the front-line fundraising staff, who may have heard about a person's name from a news story or had it suggested to them by another donor or something.

Whenever a name comes down the line that my coworker thinks would be unable to make a major gift, he dismisses them as "b1g n0b0dies" - e.g. "Look out, we've got another b1g n0b0dy coming through"; "I don't understand why they keep sending us all these b1g n0b0dies".

It's rude as hell. However much money these people make, they are always serious professionals with much higher caliber careers than he has.

(googleproofed because he says it so much it's like a catchphrase)

He always says it in the same descending sing-song kinda voice too.

just start saying his name the same way.

"that brittany murphy girl's career was in a tailspin anyway."

Allow me to share some helpful tips for those starting new jobs:

1. Read you fucking offer letter. Don't sign a fucking part-time offer and then come back to me and say "oh I didn't read it I, actually want to be full time and get benefits kthx!"

2. Do not tell your boss "this is my flex-schedule." *I* set your schedule.

3. It is called "work" for a reason, assholes. You sacrifice a level of personal autonomy in exchange for a paycheck. If you are unprepared to do that, may I suggest you not work.

sorry for the rant but what the hell is wrong with these people?

have you noticed i haven't responded to your constant rambling for 1.5 hours?

stfu

He loudly tells the ending of 'Up In the Air' and when I scoot over to say, "Thanks, I guess I won't have to see that movie now" he replies "Oh, I wouldn't have thought you'd want to see it anyway. It seems a little mainstream for you."

dude I share an office with will not stop doing this

Lipsmacking is performed by many Old World monkey species, and some studies of baboons and macaques suggest that lipsmacking may be associated with social status. We studied 60 adult anubis baboons (Papio cynocephalus anubis) for 18 months, measured social status and the rate of lipsmacking, and used these data to test the hypothesis that lipsmacking is related to social status. Our results indicate that social status and lipsmacking were not significantly correlated for either males or females. Analysis of lipsmacking in relation to social class (high vs. low) showed no significant difference between status classes for either sex. Lipsmacking was, however, found to be positively associated with affinitive behaviors. These results suggest that baboon lipsmacking provides positive social communication independently of social status.

man, i have a lot of mixed emotions and fear about being out of work but there are a few people that i am SO looking forward to not have to post about in here anymore

yeaaahh!! i quit my job too

our section just got a mail about 'biodiversity awareness' training and lady next to me has started bitching about 'them' learning 'our ways' when they come to our country etc.

i haven't the heart, tbh.

my job occasionally entails sending out mailings about biodiversity awareness training, so I'm glad that I am possibly facilitating incidents such as that one.

maybe, in fairness, i'm underestimating her and she is talking about foreign plants coming in and stealing our jobs.

what sort of jobs require biodiversity awareness training? just curious.

generally planners, architects and so on for me, with the training usually being along the lines of "this is the law re biodiversity, don't break it. It'd be nice if you'd do more to help too, but we don't hold high hopes."

that and the more obvious and more specialised stuff for rangers, parks officers etc.

i see, thanks.

generally planners, architects and so on

yeah, i work for a local authority so it would have been aimed at the above types.

Oh hi, when you are asked to write a script to process some files that are already being generated it is nice if your script actually processes the current file format, instead telling me I have to rewrite all the existing code just to have the columns in a different completely arbitrary order of your own devising, including some clumsily concatenated shit which will probably cause some exciting new bugs in the future

</geek rage>

also it is slightly annoying to me that you are in at 9:40, out at 4:30 and disappear for extended meal breaks at 12 and 3 every day, but the boss never looks in here to notice, and since you get stuff done and i'm on ilx all day i guess i don't have a leg to stand on and in fact i am the stupid annoying co-worker, but also a grumpy one

if you are going to leave your cell phone unattended at your desk, PUT IT ON FUCKING SILENT.

i don't even know who is responsible for this. every goddamn day, though.

Just start answering it as a brothel madam/pimp.

My ex-coworker used to abandon their phone every lunch hour and every day for 40 minutes an extremely distorted Disney movie song ringtone would blare out. If I ever accidentally see whatever film it was I'm going to have a nervous twitch for days.

crepey lady please leave me alone

do what they did on The Office and throw those phones into the suspended ceiling above their desks.

(or just put it in a drawer)

christ on a cross please stop talking about your cats. and their stools. please.

^^^ guilty of this, but i work from home, so the only person i annoy is the cat in question

oh man working from home sounds like a dream from which i'd never want to wake

def. has its advantages tho it has its own 7-year itch. "so bored...having stupid co-workers wasn't so bad, was it?" "oh wait, yes it was"

i've had two primary "real job" experiences since college. the first was a small company where I typically worked with about 4-6 other nerds who enjoyed mocking christians and talking about music/ pop-cult minutiae for hours at a time. it was pretty great. the downside: the boss was a privileged, tragically W-esque moron who seemed hell-bent on letting his ADD and wholly undeserved self-satisfaction run the company into the ground.

the second is an infinitely better-run environment (recently listed on Forbes top 100 best places to work, even), but the day-to-day dealings with boring office gossip/ dramas and Talkypants with her cats and her World of Warcraft and her indgiestion and her mucus is just soul-crushing.

despite the obvious drawbacks (boredom, staying focused, driven etc.), i feel self-employment, or at least self-directed employment from a location of my choosing, would rule pretty hard. but hey, i grass is always greener, etc.

tbh right now would swap freedom of working from home for freedom from clients not paying/trying to steal my copyrights and irregularity of paycheque. but mostly it rools.

There's one coworker of ours that just seems to be trying to undo all the good things I (or others) said about him last year. He's in the role above ours, but is not our manager, but is the type that seems to like doing things for the sake of doing them.

If he's writing a Standard Operating Procedure, he overwrites them to the point where every miniscule step is detailed (even though he's been told he's supposed to write them from the perspective that we know how to do the basic functions), making the things several pages long. He nitpicks when auditing peoples' work, yet his SOPs have numerous spelling and grammatical mistakes, and often contain incorrect or broken references (ie, you'll be in Step F and at the end it will tell you to go to Step F).

He also doesn't see the big picture when he makes decisions, and often eschews others' feedback and just does what he wants, even though he's not authorized to do so. On two-three occasions he's made formal announcements of new procedures only to get so many complaints that his manager has forced him to recant them within minutes.

He's a perfectly nice guy, but he just is so detached from those below him and seems to not care about it one iota.

I work in a shoe shop and people ask me seriously to seperate their toes for them so they can try on sandals with toe-posts, the worst part is when they say shit like "I'm probably not going to buy them, I don't really like them, I just want to see how they look when they're on"

Yep, I pretty much wouldn't last a day at that job. Kudos to you!

I work in a shoe shop and people ask me seriously to seperate their toes for them so they can try on sandals with toe-posts, the worst part is when they say shit like "I'm probably not going to buy them, I don't really like them, I just want to see how they look when they're on"

this might stop if you start carrying pruning shears around with you

ugh, dude, you get my pick as next host of "Dirty Jobs," agh GROSS

I am trying to imagine the level of shamelessness and self-regard necessary for me to even contemplate asking someone else to unstick my toes for me. Like, if I'm asking the question and I'm not a quadriplegic, there is something desperately wrong with me

Yeah Im confused by this, how hard is it to part one's own first 2 toes? Can some people not independently move their own feet or something?

Make them wear the store sock.

Wellllll, if you're not used to salespeople, it is a teeny bit weird to have someone put a shoe on FOR you at the store. I can't imagine a set-up in which a person asks you to UNSTICK THEIR TOES but then the procedure of sitting down and sticking your foot out for someone to do this menial thing that you are perfectly capable of has always struck me as really awkward.

boxed, I have to ask you: how many women's dresses do you routinely see up while you're down there? That's one of the most awkward things about the whole arrangement, to me.

ugh there is no way to make the horrifying joke I want to make without being an ass

We have store stockings for the ladies, which they wear when they try on boots, and when they're done with them, they hold them out in their hands for me to take. Like, cheers for the sweaty bit of material you've just had on your foot, are you sure you wouldn't rather just keep them for yourself, they're free after all.

We don't normally put the shoes on the customers unless they're a bit old and useless, but women crossing their legs in short dresses or skirts with slits can be uncomfortable - as can standing beside someone who chooses to bend over to tie a lace and raises their arse right up in the air so they're essentially pointing it at me.

Customers are the people I work with, so every day is a mystery rollercoaster of grim failings. It's amazing what people can't do without help: I'd say maybe twice a week an adult will ask me to help them decide if a shoe fits them and is comfortable

Justine to thread with more shoe store stories imo

whoa