Jeremy Clarkson's "The World According To Clarkson" is one of Penguin's "best books of its kind to be published in recent years"

backlash backlash

David Cameron: He doesn't really mean it.

David Cameron: He has good timing

solsbury hill is a great song

Not as good as Cameron's premier choice of Ernie, though, or indeed the single that Peter Gabriel wrote for Charlie Drake.

Jezza was obviously trying to use the song titles to get a secret message across to Sue Lawley, the dirty bitch!

^^^ Youtube videos have been circulated on less compelling evidence than this

Hi,

I'm sorry to inform you that your petition has been rejected.

Your petition was classed as being in the following categories:

* Issues for which an e-petition is not the appropriate
channel

* Intended to be humorous, or has no point about government
policy

If you wish to edit and resubmit your petition, please follow
the following link:
http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/dpforpm/CzJ1wTD51RF3D0RtWPAGMJd

You have four weeks in which to do this, after which your
petition will appear in the list of rejected petitions.

Your petition reads:

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to: 'share the
job of Prime Minister with Dom Passantino'

y'know, like when Gerard Houllier came in to share the
Liverpool manager's job with Roy Evans before Evans was royally
removed.

-- the ePetitions team

three weeks ago I wuz booored :/

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41G7C4NXDEL._AA240_.jpg

I woke up out that coma two thousand and one
'Bout the same time Dre dropped "2001"
Three years later the album is done
Aftermath presents "Nigga Witta Attitude, Volume One"
Rap critics politickin, wanna know the outcome
"Ready to Die" "Reasonable Doubt" and "Doggystyle" in one
I feel like 'Pac after the Snoop Dogg trial was done
Dre behind that G series and "All Eyez on Me"
I watched the death of a dynasty, so I told Vibe Magazine
Workin with Dr. Dre was a (dream)
I had visions of makin a classic, then my world turned black
like I was starin out of Stevie Wonders glasses
It's kinda hard to imagine, like Kanye West
comin back from his fatal accident to beatmakin and rappin
But, we the future, Whitney Houston told me that
And it's gon' take more than a bullet in the heart to hold me back

Russian and this 40 ounce, lettin the ink from my pen bleed
Cause Martin Luther King had a (dream)
Aaliyah had a (dream) Left Eye had a (dream)
So I reached out to Kanye and (I brought you all my dreams)
(Cause I love you, I love you, I love you)
(I-highhhhhh love you)

I had dreams, of fuckin, a R&B bitch like Mya
When I saw that ass on the front of that King
Read the article in the magazine, she loved gangsters, loved nasty things
So I'm in the glass house havin nasty dreams
Good girls never give it up
But anything is possible, if 50 fucked Vivica
Hurdled life's obstacles, found my way through the maze
Then joy turned to pain like Frankie Beverly and Maze
Used to dream of bein +Unsigned Hype+, 'til I was crushed by Dave Mays
Almost let my pen fall asleep on the page
Daydreamin yesterday, dozin off backstage
I thought I saw Eazy talkin to Jam Master Jay
So I walked over, heard Jam Master say
"It's a hard knock life, then you pass away"
They say sleep is the cousin of death, so my eyes wide open
Cause a dream is kin to your last breath

(chorus)

The dream of Huey Newton that's what I'm livin through
The dream of Eric Wright, that's what I'm givin you
Who walked through the White House without a business suit
Compton had jheri curl drippin on Ronald Reagan's shoes
Gave Mike Lem my demo, came here to pay my dues
Started off with Whoo Kid, then I start blazin Clue
It was all a dream like Big said it'd be
Don't sleep on me homey, I bring nightmares to reality
Rap phenomenon, defyin the rules of gravity
Studied all the classics, start revisin my strategy
Cause Marshall Mathers made it, Curtis Jackson made it
Head in the clouds, wonderin where the hell Marvin Gaye went
How do I say this - I'm livin for my son
but I can't figure out, why I'm at my temple with this gun
Wake up to a Jesus piece like a catholic nun
The war to be a rap legend, has just begun

(chorus)

This song is dedicated to Yetunde Price
The sister of Venus and Serena Williams
who was slain during a gang shootout in Compton
Sunday, September 14th, 2003 - rest in peace

(I brought you all my dreams)
(Cause I love you, I love you, I love you)
(I-highhhhhh love you)

* Intended to be humorous, or has no point about government
policy

INSERT GORDON BROWN ZING HERE

'He may know motoring laws inside out, but Jeremy Clarkson clearly has trouble sticking to them. The loudmouth Top Gear host was snapped doing 70mph along the middle lane of a busy motorway while chattering away on his mobile phone....When the Mirror confronted the grumpy star about his dangerous stunt, he denied being in the car. But shown the photo, he spluttered: "Er, that isn't a phone." He then slammed the door of his Oxfordshire mansion and bellowed: "Look, I write a column for another newspaper...I'm not allowed to talk you" -

"dangerous stunt" surely a typo?

Yeah, they meant to write "cunning".

I can imagine this couple telling tales in the play ground. Even if it was Jeremy it's no big deal and they should respect his privacy, instead of behaving like children.

- David, France

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/news.html?in_article_id=530330&in_page_id=1770&in_page_id=1770&expand=true#StartComments

Smart people can do multiple tasks at the same time. Idiots cannot.

- Doug Gibson, Benvie, Scotland

WELL THAT'S ALRIGHT THEN

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/03_02/ClarksonPhones_468x298.jpg
Not ony is most definitely a phone but I'm shocked that he actually appears to wear those awful jackets irl.

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/03_02/ClarksonPhones_468x298.jpg

Nice car though.

Also isn't that steering wheel on the wrong side. Bloody foreigner!

And he's driving on the right too!

Is that a P5 rover he's driving?

6.3 litre Mercedes.

That's one mf of a merc.

I love the comments trying to attack the photographer for driving and taking photos while at the same time trying to defend Clarkson for being on the phone.

Is it one of these?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mercedes-Benz_300SEL_6.3

Or one of these!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mercedes-Benz_600

The second one. He wrote about a lot here: http://driving.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/driving/jeremy_clarkson/article3171178.ece

His defence should be "read that column, it clearly can't be my Merc".

wait wait, 70mph?? i drive that on my commute every day, so what. is there something about 'motorway' that i'm missing here?

The whole 'illegal to drive and use a phone' thing. Most broken law in the country?

"For years he has railed against the nanny-state but yesterday it looks as though Jeremy Clarkson was caught flouting the very same draconian motoring laws he so detests."

this makes no sense, there is no irony in nany-state-hater clarkson breaking laws, shurely?

ha ha ha

"so it seems that the cat burglar has been caught by the very person who was trying to catch him"

!!!

exactly steve!

From the Daily Mirror's article:

(http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/topstories/2008/03/11/jeremy-clarkson-caught-doing-70mph-on-the-m40-while-talking-on-his-mobile-phone-89520-20347501/)

The 6.3l Mercedes 600 was the chosen car of brutal dictator Idi Amin, China's Chairman Mao, Yugoslavia's Tito, Leonid Brezhnev in the USSR and Romania's Nicolae Ceausescu

I wish my phone could take such clear and focussed pictures at 70mph.

Those trees must be doing 70mph as well.

The 6.3l Mercedes 600 was the chosen car of brutal dictator Idi Amin, China's Chairman Mao, Yugoslavia's Tito, Leonid Brezhnev in the USSR and Romania's Nicolae Ceausescu

Clarkson is history's greatest monster!

The background in that photo looks very similar to the scenery found in the car park of a motorway service area!

what a jerk, yes trees and hills only ever exist in motorway service areas.

if it's as sunny as it looks the camera might have had a fast shutter speed setting (do any mobile phones have this ability?), so the trees wouldn't be blurred. also they are quite far away, over on the other side of the road (you can see the central res barrier), this would slow down the parallax scrolling of the trees somewhat.

i doubt it's enough to get him prosecuted though.

To quote Cassetteboy's Jeremy Clarkson's cut-up:

"Adolf Clarkson...created by the Luftwaffe...I've got Hitler's email...I love Robert Kilroy-Silk...and I really like the sound of this guy...Robert Mugabe...Mugabe...also...I love...Jeremy Clarkson."

a propos of not much at all:

http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e184/CreepyMike/clarkson2.gif

I went for a corporate dinner at Madame Tussaud's recently, which was weird enough in itself, but the dining room featured a rogue's gallery of Idi Amin, Robert Mugabe, General Qaddafi, Stalin, Saddam Hussein... and Richard Branson. I'm no fan of the bearded one, but I would hardly class him as a figure of world-historical evildoing.

i would. i've SEEN that episode of Friends.

Fair point!

So, hey, had anyone else noticed that Jeremy Clarkson is in the video for #1 chart smash "Mr Blobby" by Mr Blobby?

lol eponymous hero

only 188 complaints so far for Clarkson's "This is a hard job, and I'm not just saying that to win favour with lorry drivers - it's a hard job. Change gear, change gear, change gear, check mirror, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder." surely it can't just be because he is employed by a tabloid newspaper?

viz done it better.

I went on a lorry driver training course recently. The instructor started showing me the basics.

"You start off like this," he said, "clutch throttle throttle clutch throttle choke throttle."

"Right, got it," I said.

"Good," he said. "Now wrap her in a carpet and dump her in a layby."

^^^exactly the post i was going to make

xp

Still, 0 complaints for top tips on beating up women from Richard Hammond.

OK, it's been raised on the TV now, so expect 1,000 complaints by 14:00 today...