Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

I wish my work shit was less mundane -- instead of "fun" stories about rampant sexual harassment and porn viewing, I only have dopey hour-long conference calls about creating a report without specs where I'm asked a) when I can expect to have the report created (again, WITHOUT ANY SPECS) and b) to make sure that the data for the new report is taken directly from data gathered by another report, as if the data for both reports doesn't reside in the same database and instead appears magically in the air the 3rd Wednesday of every month like a constellation or St. Elmo's Fire (also PS: GIVE ME SPECS YOU TRIFLING BITCHES).

I'm looking forward to getting the specs the week after the report is needed, and then getting 25 e-mails a day asking when the report will be done.

David R - did you get the memo?

What, you mean the one about the 3:30 meeting you sent @ 3:35?

No, about the TPS reports.

u_u

My boss likes to make TPS jokes too.

"Hey, I'm going to need you to fill out an absence form for that day you took off for your colonoscopy.

And I'm going to need you to get those TPS reports to me soon, yeah. (LOL)"

This guy in my previous job was 100%, no filler, nutbar psycholoony. He would spend hours yelling in the toilets at the top of his voice to invisible enemies! The whole building would shake! People would come to our section and ask our team leader to get him to simmer down. Did he do any work? None whatsoever. He just alternated between muttering and screaming. He'd been 'working' there for years and still was when I left the organisation. What did the organisation do with him? Put him in the section that DEALT WITH THE PUBLIC. Who happened to be (by nature of our department) people who were there because they'd been traumatised in some way. GOOD JOB PEOPLE.

So, he would sit there with these poor clients in a room - just him and the client - waiting for someone to arrive to help the client, and who knows what he was doing? Usually, muttering paranoid crap to himself, and that was on a good day. He must've scared these poor people to death. Unsackable. Too difficult apparently.

Once he started talking to himself out loud - about me!! Something like this: 'Oh yeah, I can see through him alright, he's not fooling me. He's not fooling me, no. I can see right through him. Calls himself a f-ing (insert my job name here) - but I'm not fooled'. Etc. I turned around and gave him the Blue Steel look. That shut him up. then I said, 'Think it, mate, but don't say it. After all, I'm right here. Show some f-ing manners'. He just nodded and was quiet for about an hour before starting up again - about something or someone else.

Obviously, one had to have lots of sympathy for this guy - it was unavoidable as he was clearly suffering - but he made an extremely difficult job twice as difficult just by showing up. He was so mad his face was a red as beetroot. He could easily have killed us all, it was definitely on the cards. But unsackable.

An ex of mine worked with a schizophrenic. Guy was on meds so he was resonably ok most of thr time... but now and then he'd do things like measure the windows of their (12th floor or so) office and then muse aloud "if I threw a chair at this window and jumped, would I die from here d'you think?".

Oh bless us RUNNING PLAY-BY-PLAY of the US Women's Basketball Olympic game. The one time showing up late was actually a good thing.

Dear Greek guy in adjacent office separated from me by plasterboard, who finished his PhD six months ago and is just hanging around to use the internet and phone because he didn't get an academic job but doesn't want to return to Greece:

STOP BELLOWING INTO YOUR FUCKING PHONE OR I WILL HAVE YOU DEPORTED.

(from the department, I know greece is an EU country)

Dear loud shouting woman over in the marketing department.

Yes, I know that you are unhappy with your job and you have been for two years. I know that you are now leaving because you have found another job. I know that you are unhappy with every single aspect of this place, and generally blame every single person in this organisation that isn't you. (For EVERYTHING from the marketing budget to the temperature of the office to "meddling PAs" who are preventing you from "building relationships" with colleagues.)

Now WHY do I know all this, when you sit over 20 feet away from me? Because you have clearly never learned an INDOOR VOICE appropriate for the volume of a quiet office.

I can understand job dissatisfaction. However, your inappropriate volume levels for DEALING WITH that dissatisfaction are seriously impacing *my* ability to do my bloody job. Which I'm generally otherwise quite satisfied with.

Don't you have some bloody gardening leave you can take instead of staying here to make everyone else around you as miserable as you are?

Thanks,
The new woman in the office who doesn't need to know every detail of your life. Really.

It's the AFL grand final tomorrow, and as I feared would happen, today has degenerated into a bunch of people throwing a nerf football around the room, singing/playing the Hawthorn club song (or is it the Geelong one? Fuck if I know). And I had a football thrown at me as soon as I walked in.

So I dropkicked it right into the guys chest and almost winded him.

You are my hero!

LOL it was quite the accident is the funniest bit! I think I impressed him, haha.

I cannot understand the fever surrounding that bloody game.

bloody
quite
afl (?!)

you guys are so british.

Erm, we're australian, in case that wasn't obvious.

AFL = Australian Rules Football.

What is it with US elitism today?

My mum recently, after 55 years of solid anti-sport-ness, decided to deliberately and dedicatedly get into AFL so she could "talk to my fellow Australians like a normal person". I tried to persuade her, but she has gone ahead. Now she asks for score updates on Saturday afternoons, all that sort of thing, as though she actually cared. It's quite disturbing.

tried to DISSUADE her. Balls!

Yeah this whole "talk about footy like its the language of everyone" thing bugs me. I wish I could talk about bands the same way but no one cares less. Bleh.

That said my workmates at this job are all quite nice, and Ive nothing to bitch about here really. Apart from footballs to the groin chest.

OH GOD HES PLAYING THAT DAMN SONG FROM "MUSIC AND LYRICS" AGAIN HE SINGS IT EVERY SINGLE DAY I WILL KILL HIM.

People who take the elevator to go up or down ONE floor....

TAKE THE FUCKING STAIRS! the average person that does it resembles Jerome Bettis too, so you'd think they could use it.

me: *reads ILX for an hour*
little person: "are you cleaning up the computer?" [note: this is her term for defragging]
me: "yes"
little person: "i thought so with all that gibberish on the screen"

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Thursday, September 8, 2005 9:56 AM (3 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

haw, i forgot this

Dude just will NOT shut up with his analyses of the stock market yesterday and today. Don't you have SOMETHING to do besides visit neighbors and snort at yr own awful jokes buddy?

Woman across from me has been doing her own real-time DOW updates--"down 500," "oooh now it's up 300"--i don't give a fuck and could look myself if i did

I'm getting the Dow updates from this schmuck too.

Yesterday afternoon he was shouting out Dow numbers every 5 - 10 minutes.

I get that too.

Of course, I work for a business publication, so I guess it kinda comes with the territory.

What's that kind of pseudo-laughter where you just breathe rapidly and noisily thru yr teeth called? I am so sick of hearing that.

John McCain Extended Death Rattle?

I think I remember Shaggy sometimes laughing like this on Scooby-Doo.

Or maybe Scooby.

He only Scooby-laughs at his own jokes too, the jokes that NOBODY else is even smiling at. It's more like his way of letting everyone within earshot that he thinks he's being clever.

Muttley Snickers

so I'm in a brand new office, with a new set of strange new co-workers.

from what I've overheard this morning it seems like an absolute goldmine for posts to this thread.

Start NOW!

My coworker at the next desk was very loudly pretending to be the Brownlow Medal points announcer, earlier, for no particular reason. If you know anything about the Brownlow Medal count you'll know how fscking annoying that is.

Chris Matthews looks like he hasn't slept in a couple of days.

lol, whoops wrong thread

haha Rock Hardy works at MSNBC
OUTED

lol

HAHA

http://www.lepconnie.com/pics/willow/starburst89g.jpg

Department merger bringing in a whole new batch of annoying. Lady goes about calling herself an “excel person” trying to school me how to performing a data sort! I didn’t ask you a damn thing so STFU! I know perfectly well what I’m doing. WHO THE FUCK IS YOU! YOURE OLD!

oh Wow. just now

"what's the plural for confused, is it confuseder?"

omg who walks into the toilets and stands at a urinal eating crisps?

Haha, best email I've ever received, from our company president no less:

I just walked into the men's restroom and found the most disgusting mess I've ever seen. Toilet. Clogged. No water. Lots of...you know.

I probably saw worse a few times in a junior high school bathroom but that's it.

Everyone is expected to handle their own messes. There's a plunger conveniently located next to the toilet. Flush frequently when you have major intestinal issues that you can't deal with at home because your wife or mom or girlfriend won't clean up after you. I'm sorry the corporate toilet doesn't have sufficient capacity -- maybe in a new office someday.

And while I'm at it, it wouldn't hurt for some of us to stand closer to the urinal.