Why I hate the Daily Mail, as distilled into one edition

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Incidentally, Britain did *have* elephants before the last ice age, in pretty much the same climate as now. The theory as to why we don't any more is that as the ice retreated any elephants heading north out of Africa were quickly hunted down and eaten (those pesky Mesolithic people again), so they never made it back this far north.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 23 September 2005 12:01 (eighteen years ago) link

Plane trees! That's what the Romans brought that lots of people think are natives.

― The Brocade Fire (kate), Friday, 23 September 2005 12:06 (eighteen years ago) link

MESOLITHIC PEOPLE BE HUNGRY

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 23 September 2005 12:12 (eighteen years ago) link

Did you see the thing about the Hobbit People on Horizon last night? Talking about how somewhere (Siberian island, was it?) there was a race of pygmy mammoths small enough to keep in your flat?

I *WANT* ONE!!!

― The Brocade Fire (kate), Friday, 23 September 2005 12:15 (eighteen years ago) link

I think you're confusing it with South Park.

― Don King of the Mountain (noodle vague), Friday, 23 September 2005 12:33 (eighteen years ago) link

one month passes...

Letter in today's Mail includes the following line:

"Anyone even remotely suspected of involvement in terrorism should be detained for as long as it takes to secure a conviction."

Tomorrow: the ducking stoool — was it really so bad?

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 06:55 (eighteen years ago) link

You mean a Daily Mail reader actually supports the Labour government in something?
Wow Tory Blair should be proud. He's reached his goal at last.

― Last Of The Famous International Pfunkboys (Kerr), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 07:29 (eighteen years ago) link

"Anyone even remotely suspected of involvement in terrorism should be detained for as long as it takes to secure a conviction."

Are you sure this wasn't just the Melanie Phillips column?

― Sociah T Azzahole (blueski), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 10:53 (eighteen years ago) link

Did you ever see that tvgohome.com item (why is this not available online anymoe?!) that went something like:

7:30pm Daily Mail Island (932651)
Topical reality TV show in which a small populace of contestants are left stranded on a desert island, their only contact with the outside world through right-wing hate-rag The Daily Mail. Episode 34 After the Daily Mail publishes a list of all the known paedophiles on the island, a confused old man pushes shit through his own letterbox before beating himself to death.

― MESTEMA (davidcorp), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 15:29 (eighteen years ago) link

Well, it would have been more entertaining than Nathan Barley. Or the 11 O'Clock Show. Or Spoons. Or TV Go Home: The Series. Or... you know, anything else Charlie Brooker has ever been involved with ever.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 16:36 (eighteen years ago) link

Or Brass Eye?

The website was genius, regardless.

― MESTEMA (davidcorp), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 16:51 (eighteen years ago) link

Where have the Daily Mail been standing on the terror vote? Despite their thoroughly reactionary bent, they were very critical of Blair on the Iraq war and abuse of 'evidence' etc. Interesting to see if they are following The Sun with its 'shaming' of MPs who voted against the proposals; perhaps it depends on whether they're as 'close to Tone' as that paragon of law-and-order Rebekah Wade is...

Instinctively, I'm sure they would support Blair's kamikaze crusade - for as reactionary a legacy as he can get - all the way. Opportunistically, they may not.

― Tom May (Tom May), Thursday, 10 November 2005 01:27 (eighteen years ago) link

They see it more as an opportunity to bash Blair's lack of control over his own MPs. That said, today's editorial says the paper does not have total faith in chief constables or Prime Ministers to decide what's best for us. Which is about as liberal as it gets.

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 10 November 2005 08:44 (eighteen years ago) link

Couldn't it be argued to be where the Tories are? i.e. defending tradition, as in civil liberties, against state power. This could be said to be liberal/left (who indeed oppose the measures strongly), but also libertarian-conservative.

― Tom May (Tom May), Thursday, 10 November 2005 14:09 (eighteen years ago) link

two months pass...

http://bigdaddymerk.co.uk/mailwatch/mwvote/

― Pete W (peterw), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:47 (eighteen years ago) link

Oooo! All Eyes on Golden Kelly!

― kingfish russian bigamist (kingfish 2.0), Friday, 13 January 2006 15:55 (eighteen years ago) link

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v453/strictlytrue/mail.jpg

Writing this headline must have given someone a huge erection.

― MitchellStirling (MitchellStirling), Friday, 13 January 2006 22:53 (eighteen years ago) link

haha

― adamrl (nordicskilla), Friday, 13 January 2006 22:56 (eighteen years ago) link

what an offensive headline. i mean, look at the tracking on the second deck! eeew. etc.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Friday, 13 January 2006 22:58 (eighteen years ago) link

I note that the Express, as loathsome a paper if a little more insignificant (I keep forgetting it exists) is giving away a free DVD of His Girl Friday tomorrow. I don't think I can resist, and although obviously I have no intention of reading a word of the paper, they will still have my money, dammit.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 13 January 2006 23:06 (eighteen years ago) link

You can get His Girl Friday for £2.99 at Tesco if that makes you feel slightly better.

― MitchellStirling (MitchellStirling), Friday, 13 January 2006 23:10 (eighteen years ago) link

Today's edition had "RICHARD LITTLEJOHN AT HIS HILARIOUS BEST!" in huge letters on the front page with a picture of his cunty face, put me off my lunch.

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Saturday, 14 January 2006 00:00 (eighteen years ago) link

omggefd

― A BOLD QUAHOG (ex machina), Saturday, 14 January 2006 00:24 (eighteen years ago) link

Anyone seen the new Daily Express advert on TV. Absolutely shocking and appauling. I think the icing on the cake is they got a black guy to give up his bus seat to an old/pregnant (not quite sure, she's a bit blurred out in the ad) white woman and then to smirk "we're about good manners" at the camera. Fair enough, their readers love their manners and etiquette, but why did they get a black guy (the only non-white person in the whole ad) to give up his seat?

Really it's the most appauling jaded shit I've ever seen - even worse than the paper itself (if that's even possible).

― Wogan Lenin (dog latin), Monday, 16 January 2006 18:04 (eighteen years ago) link

Who died and made you Ethan?

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 16 January 2006 18:32 (eighteen years ago) link

"Really it's the most appauling jaded shit I've ever seen"

When I first saw it I thought it was going to be a party political broadcast. Possibly for the BNP.

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 07:58 (eighteen years ago) link

i still can't believe how rubbish and terrible it is. it really does come across as a BNP ad - kinder, kirche, kuche white middle-class values, priding things like manners over, well pretty much anything of true significance. It's like as if they got some total nutter to design it.

― Wogan Lenin (dog latin), Tuesday, 17 January 2006 10:21 (eighteen years ago) link

three months pass...

The Daily Mail (Gawd bless it) is a shining beacon of truth in an ocean of mendacity and conspiracy. Long may its printers roll. Death to thieving pikey filth, niggers and queers. Fuck the pope and God save the Queen! Out.

― Buckfast Felize, Sunday, 30 April 2006 14:41 (eighteen years ago) link

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Sunday, 30 April 2006 14:49 (eighteen years ago) link

A really Daily Mail reader would've said "ethnics".

― There's a Guy Works Down the Chip Shop Swears He's Elvish (noodle vague), Sunday, 30 April 2006 14:53 (eighteen years ago) link

Sadly this has to have been a scottish daily mail reader. Does anyone outside Scotland drink Buckfast?

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Sunday, 30 April 2006 15:00 (eighteen years ago) link

I think it may just possibly ever-so-slight chance of being a regular logged out to post a "comical" troll message.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 30 April 2006 15:07 (eighteen years ago) link

B-but who would do such a thing?

― Michael A Neuman (Ferg), Sunday, 30 April 2006 15:20 (eighteen years ago) link

Mods who was it?

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Sunday, 30 April 2006 15:29 (eighteen years ago) link

I concur with Herr Felize's sentiments. The much derided rag speaketh the truth. If I wish to apply for a 'job' as a Lesbian & Gay Ethnic Project Policy Strategist on £80,000 per annum, then I shall take the Grauniad. Should I wish to cast my eyes on a decent pair of chebs, then the Sun it is. The Telegraph I reserve for travel only: so I can contemptuously thwack a tightly-rolled copy over the head of the gibbon inspecting tickets or passports - it's the ideal size. The Express is now the new Mail, and the Mail is now the old Express, so...? The Mail it is.

Whilst Herr Felize's tirade might have been a tad extreme, it is indicative of the exasperation many feel in today's Bliar Republic: the total erosion of values, the systematic eradication of tradition and national identity, the politicisation of the Civil Service, self-serving Quangos - not to mention the blatant money wastage an wrong prioritisation of the NHS. All this can be blamed on left wingers and their 'touchy-feely' strategy that is clearly a total failure. Art Directors in hospitals? Enough said.

Right, I'm off to chance my arm with that position advertised in last Wednesday's Jobzilla: Turkish-speaking Community Outreach Empowerment Development Co-Ordinator. £90,000 pa? Cheers ears!

― Sir Anthony Regents-Park MP, Monday, 1 May 2006 09:09 (eighteen years ago) link

I can promise you that the time it took to type that wasn't worth the effort

― DJ Mencap (DJ Mencap), Monday, 1 May 2006 09:11 (eighteen years ago) link

No time at all ol' fruit. I got my PA to do it!

― Sir Anthony Regents-Park MP, Monday, 1 May 2006 10:55 (eighteen years ago) link

Custos would've done a better job.

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Monday, 1 May 2006 14:02 (eighteen years ago) link

No, no, he wouldn't have.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 1 May 2006 14:06 (eighteen years ago) link

It's probably the work of the same person who revived the thread isn't it?

― Brigadier Lethbridge-Pfunkboy (Kerr), Thursday, 4 May 2006 14:12 (eighteen years ago) link

It certainly wasn't me - note the telltale absence of "so-called."

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 4 May 2006 14:15 (eighteen years ago) link

It's probably the work of the same person who revived the thread isn't it?

It is, yes.
ip is unique to these posts. Probably a passerby/googler's idea of "satire" or wtfe.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 4 May 2006 14:30 (eighteen years ago) link

There was actually a letter from an Outraged Retired Colonel type today!

― Michael A Neuman (Ferg), Thursday, 4 May 2006 16:34 (eighteen years ago) link

four months pass...

Page eight today: Organic milk is no healthier, says food watchdog

Page 29 today: Cancer-causing pollutants in our bread, milk and eggs

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 21 September 2006 07:53 (seventeen years ago) link

Mother's heartfelt tribute sparks safe-driving campaign

Top Gear's Richard Hammond 'showing signs of improvement'

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 08:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Organic Diana no healthier, says royal watchdog.
Cancer causing pollutants in our Diana, Diana and Diana

Diana's heartfelt diana sparks safe-diana campaign
Top Diana's Diana 'showing signs of diana'

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 21 September 2006 10:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Surely those are Express headlines?

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:02 (seventeen years ago) link

lolz @ those express ads

― The Real DG (D to thee G), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:06 (seventeen years ago) link

"I stand for Cafe Diana."

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Thursday, 21 September 2006 11:10 (seventeen years ago) link

I flicked through a copy in a cafe the other day and the lead story, the fucking lead story, was a piece condemning the new online postage stamps for not having the Queen's head on them and how society will crumble as a result etc. How pathetic can you get?

― chap who would dare to contain two ingredients. Tea and bags. (chap), Thursday, 21 September 2006 13:15 (seventeen years ago) link

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