The obligatory Big Brother thread

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I've Stuart not only seen reading 'Captain Corellis Mandolin' but also playing 'Dont Look Back In Anger' on his acoustic guitar. Dud dud dud dud dud!

― DG, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

If you based your character on Confederacy of Dunces everyone would find you amazingly funny for the first 20 minutes or so, and then you'd trail off into being pointlessly boring.

― Josh, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

There's someone called Josh on Big Brother now. According to the Daily Mirror he's lived a Wicked Life.

― Tom, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

There was a Josh on the American Big Brother, and it has tainted my view of the word Josh forever. I keep having to refrain from calling poor Mr. Kortbein "Sloshee", as Josh on the show was called due to his fondness for the bottle. But I still get the urge, you know?

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

When I was young, no one was called Josh. Now everyone is. I blame Bono and his tree. But am I right?

― mark s, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Bono should be blamed for everything, whether he's guilty or not.

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Well this years Big Brother is already as compulsive as last year (and being shown live in pubs soon I daresay). The beauty this year though is the knowledge of how the game is played, and yet none of them seem to be playuing it. Ultra clever or uber thick - and I'm not just talking Helen the dim Welshgirl.

Highlight this year though is the round the clock digital feed on E4. You've not lived til you've found yourself drinking at four in the morning watching Dean sleeping.

Big Brother should play more jokes though - like last years Bobby Davro moment. We can't just rely on the hat waering cunt Bubble to take the slats out of the beds every day.

(BTW I give Josh a week.)

― Pete, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Surely "hat wearing cuckold Bubble"

― Tom, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

In the Sun expose of Bubble's Missus' antics did they at any point use the phrase 'Burst his Bubble' like the Tories tried in a desperate last ditch attempt to win?

I do hope so.

― Emma, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I think we should take 10 people from here and throw them in a house together for like 6 years (or whatever it is) and see who survives. That'd kick ass.

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

What 10 people would you choose, Ally ?

― Patrick, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Oh, I will go ahead and pick. I would like to see these 10 fight it out to the bitter end:

Kate/Masonic Boom, Ally (hey, Kate and Ally - geddit?), paul/ty/doompatrol, Mark S., Otis, Fred, Mike Hanley, Tom, Momus, and Josh (so I can finally call him Sloshee).

I just think the mix would be interesting, no?

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Nicole, my sister's name is Kate*. I've lived with that hilarity my ENTIRE LIFE. Anyhow, those are basically who I'd pick, because that'd be the most amusing mix in so many ways, though if there was some way we could throw in Ramon it'd be WAY better. Could he be like our pug, like they had on the US Big Brother?

* My sister's real name actually isn't Kate at all, it's Erin. I think my parents just changed their mind real quickly on that one and thus Kate.

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Actually, I think Tom would just spend his time trying to talk about pop music in vain, so I might switch him out in favor of the pinefox.

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Despite the fact that there's nobody on that list I wouldn't want to meet offline at least once, I'd walk out of the BB house after 30 minutes flat of that lineup.

― Tom, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

No one watches Big Brother to see happy bunnies, Tom.

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I shall pack my theremin and my copy of Methods of Logic: Revised Edition (Willard van Orman Quine, RKP, 1974), as this will be a good opportunity to re-read it.

― mark s, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

What, you don't like boxing?

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

You'd be worried about me talking about pop music too much....so you'd swap me for the PINEFOX?? This is mentalism.

― Tom, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Don't be bitter, it would be brilliant:

Any other housemember: "I think I'll go watch some tv"

the pinefox: "Why, I don't know what you mean by that."

For months!!!

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Sorry, forgot they can't have tv. Substitute it with, well, anything. It would still fit.

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

We don't need tv, not if we have alcohol and my GIANT BAG OF GOODIES FROM VICTORIA'S SECRET.

Dude, we need to do this, just so I can annoy everyone for 6 years. They stay in the house that long, I hope. They should, it's like Biosphere.

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Who would end up as a couple?

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Kate and Doompatrol sitting in a tree...

In Biosphere, didn't it turn out thst they were all sneaking out the secret back door all the time, to let fresh air in and smoke and stuff?

― mark s, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I would SLEEP WITH ALL OF THEM, because as everyone who was at Potion knows I AM A WHORE. I'd be like the Jordan of the group, it'd be so awesome. I'm ready to go, can we do this like tomorrow?

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

mark: no books! no theremin(s/men?)! no luxuries!

i'd replace mike hanley with the pinefox and possibly doom patrol with nicole, if only to make things more gender equitable.

― fred solinger, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Shyeah right, "gender equity".

Admit it, you lurve me.

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

So Captain Corelli and acoustic guitars = not luxuries = what? Implements of torture?

Oh. As you were...

― mark s, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

nicole, i'm thinking of it in terms as a tv exec. sure, it'd be fun for all to watch 8 guys duke it out for 2 girls BUT the male viewer needs more variety. kate would be indifferent to all of the guys (cassandra), ally, in her own words, would sleep with all of them (jordan), and you'd flirt innocently with a handful of them (BRITTANY!!!).

― fred solinger, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I'd put Damon Albran in the house to spice things up a little.

― james e l, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Dude hey, Nicole, we all know that if you were in the house we'd totally ignore the guys and just couple up ourselves. I mean, hello, who we gonna do it with? Fred? Psh, fuck that.

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Why exactly wd we be duking it out for the GIRLS, again?

― mark s, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Listen, I've been hit on in a gay bar by a guy, I have powers over all men, not just straight ones. Unfortunately, I cannot turn them off.

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Dude, I haven't been a virgin for hundreds of years, so how could I be Brittany? The idea of inviting everyone to "cuddle" with me is pretty nauseating, to say the least.

― Nicole, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

That'd be GREAT, actually. I'd totally take pictures to blackmail them later.

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

"Men: I cannot turn them off"

This and the 27 cups of coffee are the official rocking-est things in the web tonite.

Sadly I must to Stoke Newington Church Street for a curry with Ben Thompson.

― mark s, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I could do with 27 cups of coffee right now, actually. No one replied to my totally true junior high school exploit either, I was so bummed. Thank you, Mark.

― Ally, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Pinefox must be in there, just so he can say 'Anyone who dislikes Lloyd Cole smells of poo' and 'What is this ABBA of which you talk? sounds like rubbish to me.' repeatedly until, one by one. you all crack.

― RickyT, Tuesday, 12 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Did you see those boys frolicking in the pool tonight? Peter Hitchens must be going purple with rage.

― Johnathan, Thursday, 14 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

F'kin' ACE! shouting match between 'ugogirl' Amma and 'wink-wink' Stuart - who I'm convinced is one of them lizardy aliens from 'V'.

Amma: "Just GO! I want you to LEAVE! Roll on friday so you can GO!"

*Now* I'm getting interested.

― DavidM, Friday, 15 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Sighted - twice! - on Cornmarket, Oxford yesterday: BUBBLE LOOK-A- LIKES (i.e. shaven/bald head and stupid floppy hat). Is there no look so horrible that some fool will imitate it if it gets enough media exposure?

― Tom, Friday, 22 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

But Bubble has been chosen by Dominic (?) Hateful Moron in the Sun as HE WHO WILL WIN (ILE phonevoters please note and prevent). Don't understand the "rationale" here was (obviously) didn't read the piece itself, only the follow-up ,while in line at Saf the barber's yesterday (= moment when rereading Frith's Sound Effects became too burdensome and I reached for the literature Saf provides: couldn't bear even to scan FHM's tips on lesbian sex, so left with the redtops... ).

What percentage of Sun readers read the Sun "ironically"?

― mark s, Friday, 22 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I don't know, Mark, but I would recommend reading the Sun at the moment, if only for the increasingly terrifying 3D action of the 'Striker' comic strip. If you've missed it recently, blonde twins have kidnapped a footballer and have him tied up in their room wearing a gimp mask. Horrific final box in today's installment sees the entrance of their mother to the scene - a huge 'fat slags' version of her daughters, issuing the cry "THAT HAD BETTER BE A STRONG BED - 'COS THIS BIG MAMA'S READY TO ROLL!". If you Americans thought we were weird for having Page 3, then just wait till you see this. It's like some fucking Chris Morris fantasy.

Hey, cool - it's online here if you want to take a look for yourself. Click on 'Fun' then 'Striker'.

― Nick, Friday, 22 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Does anyone have the australian number to vote them all out of the house?

― Geoff, Friday, 22 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

three weeks pass...

Yes, yes, it's manipulated, yes yes yes. BUT:
Like likes like: the Two Dimmest PPL in the UK are visibly falling for one another. Is it sweet, aaah, or is it just unbelievably grim?

― mark s, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Grim because they both irritate the shit out of me and all this will just mean the pair of them on screen even more often. Unless they really do get it on, and shag non-stop for next three weeks in mad animal lust frenzy which I don't think C4 would have nerve to show. Am now annoyed at all remaining contestants but Helen is first on list of annoyance and Paul is running a close second.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I think it is completely "awww, sweet". A couple of weeks ago I thought Paul was one of the most loathsome people I had ever encountered; now I am surprisingly touched by how well he has behaved, re: BIG G. And Helen is beyond criticism. They are also the ANTI ELIZABETH and DEAN, which CAN ONLY BE A GOOD THING. If I had a button which could instantly consign a BB-mate to oblivion I would have pressed it at that moment when Elizabeth mewled : "Well, I think sex is really like a deeper form of communication between two people". EURGH!

― stevie t, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

How is Helen is beyond criticism? That session in the diary room last week in which she talked for several minutes on the topic of how long it felt like they'd been in the house and somehow still managed to say NOTHING AT ALL about the subject in hand was excruciating. I agree that Elizabeth is very annoying, but she doesn't quite wind me up in me the same way that Helen does.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

EVERYONE I KNOW totally has it in for Elizabeth. I don't get it. When I ask for a list of actual crimes, I get non-descript blather: "Oh she talked about Helen to Dean"; "Oh she said she wouldn't nominate Psaul — then she changed her mind." She is being punished on the ALIENS-KIDNAPPED- PEREZ-DE-CUELAR principle. The more you point out that there is NO EVIDENCE WHATEVER, the more you are told how brilliantly someone [elizabeth here; others in the case of aliens and PdC — tho I have no doubt she will be blamed for this too now I have brought it up] is COVERING UP.

― mark s, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Elizabeth and Dean = consumed with the canker of lumpen-bourg snobbery ("God! I can't sit around talking about S Club 7 all day..."). Helen = an uncynical and simple heart.

― stevie t, Monday, 16 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Skipping 49 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

You can't beat this! The Helen-backing Sun has a front page splash 'Charlotte backs Helen'. Meanwhile, the Brianophile Mirror has gained a slightly different quote from Charlotte the Harlot ("I should be backing Helen because she's Welsh, but she's a NATIONAL DISGRACE"). That woman would do anything for cash!

― Nick, Friday, 27 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Well, it's all over. Am I the only one who fears for Helen's sanity? I'm genuinely concerned that she had a total breakdown on camera after leaving the house. Plus wasn't it poignant how Brian snubbed Bubble ("Who am I supposed to waltz with? Oh, you") and Helen virtually ignored Paul when they emerged?

― dave q, Saturday, 28 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I really don't think things touch the sides with ole Helen. Including Paul.

― suzy, Saturday, 28 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I was quite surprised Brian won in the end, but what really struck me was the fact that Davina McCall is pregnant. She's breeding! The horror!

― DG, Saturday, 28 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

i don't get the 'kate and ally' thing.

― ethan, Saturday, 28 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

It's an American sitcom from the early '80s called Kate and Allie, about two divorced mums who share housekeeping responsibilities.

I thought Brian would win from day one, but it seemed Hel-en was gaining ground quick. Paul seemed less a twunt in the end, too.

― suzy, Saturday, 28 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

nine months pass...

Ah, happy times.

― N., Monday, 27 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

five years pass...

series 2! wow.

― acrobat, Saturday, 9 June 2007 13:23 (sixteen years ago) link

If that 6 years thing had happened the final would have been on this Tuesday.

― V, Saturday, 9 June 2007 13:42 (sixteen years ago) link

and prince would be ftw

― Mark G, Saturday, 9 June 2007 20:16 (sixteen years ago) link

one year passes...

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/showbiz/tv/article2415956.ece

The dream is over.

― DavidM, Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:02 (fifteen years ago) link

― languid samuel l. jackson (jim), Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:05 (fifteen years ago) link

in two years..

― Mark G, Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:06 (fifteen years ago) link

The dream is over.

in 2 years time.

― jed_, Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:07 (fifteen years ago) link

xpost

― jed_, Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:07 (fifteen years ago) link

yep, "Time" was the missing word.

And, now on Blankety blank...

― Mark G, Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:10 (fifteen years ago) link

what's the betting the viewing figures go up, or at least don't go down anymore and Channel 4 keep doing it? Isn't it the only comparatively popular show they have on their schedules anyway?

― languid samuel l. jackson (jim), Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:11 (fifteen years ago) link

you guys, I kinda feel like Big Brother has stolen Davina McCalls youth.

― ❉❉❉❉❉❉❉❉Plaxico❉❉❉❉❉❉❉❉❉ (I know, right?), Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:20 (fifteen years ago) link

davina mccall confuses me, i sometimes find her very attractive and personable, other times i think she is a horrible cackling witch who should stfu.

― languid samuel l. jackson (jim), Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:25 (fifteen years ago) link

i served her in a shop once and she wasn't nice. that was around the time of that street-date thing she used to do. maybe she was having a bad day.

― jed_, Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:33 (fifteen years ago) link

ah, being a dick in a shop. Good indicator of dickness really, no need.

― languid samuel l. jackson (jim), Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:39 (fifteen years ago) link

the nicest famous person i served was Thom Yorke. he was really amazingly lovely.

― jed_, Thursday, 7 May 2009 16:51 (fifteen years ago) link

The dream is over.

Well it's in The Sun, so it must be true...

― snoball, Thursday, 7 May 2009 17:01 (fifteen years ago) link

Thesedays, it has to be in the Star for it to be "true" in that way, thesedays.

― Mark G, Thursday, 7 May 2009 19:54 (fifteen years ago) link

two years pass...

my goodness i didn't even know celebrity version had started. and o my goodness michael madsen is in it!

TURN YOUR KEY SIR!!

― Summer Slam! (Ste), Wednesday, 18 January 2012 21:46 (twelve years ago) link

We briefly revived an old CBB thread but I don't think anyone cares. I have just turned over to see Denise Welch naked in a hot tub with Frankie Cocozza, so I'm glad I haven't seen much more.

― ailsa, Wednesday, 18 January 2012 23:11 (twelve years ago) link

Apparently, that's been the "highlight" so far.

AWarhol's "In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes" should be postscripted ", and no-one will know who anybody is"

― Mark G, Thursday, 19 January 2012 09:58 (twelve years ago) link

fa·mous/ˈfāməs/
Adjective:
Known about by many people.

― conrad, Thursday, 19 January 2012 12:10 (twelve years ago) link

Just found in my spam filter:

FRIDAY'S EVICTION IS NOW AVAILABLE TO BOOK!
PRIORITY TICKETS AVAILABLE -
OH, AND ONCE YOU'VE RECEIVED YOUR TICKETS, IF YOU COME TO THE SHOW YOU WILL BE GOING TO THE FINAL TOO!

Um, desperate, much?

― Mark G, Thursday, 19 January 2012 12:54 (twelve years ago) link

Remember to make a big sign that says "MARK G IS HERE" with an arrow pointing down.

― insert 2012 appropriate display name here (snoball), Thursday, 19 January 2012 12:59 (twelve years ago) link

From the sounds of things, all I'd have to do is wave.

Anyways, I have better things to do...

― Mark G, Thursday, 19 January 2012 13:01 (twelve years ago) link

WEDNESDAY'S SEMI FINAL IS NOW AVAILABLE TO BOOK!
THE FIRST 300 THAT USE PROMO CODE 'CBB12P' WHEN BOOKING WILL BE PRIORITY!

If anyone cares enough to want to go, contact me (I'm not going, i mean you can have the code(s) etc)

― Mark G, Tuesday, 24 January 2012 10:01 (twelve years ago) link

Oh, it's finishing this week.

― Mark G, Wednesday, 25 January 2012 11:58 (twelve years ago) link

Tonight.

Probably Frankie will win. No-oone else is bothered, i reckons.

― Mark G, Friday, 27 January 2012 16:43 (twelve years ago) link

Oh, it was Denise who won.

Right, lock thread..

― Mark G, Monday, 30 January 2012 11:22 (twelve years ago) link

two years pass...

so the Russian Big Brother seems to consist solely of people beating the living shit out of each other. this is fucking scary esp. @ 4.27

http://www.milanos.pl/vid-121194-Reality-Show-w-ROSJI.html

― everyday sheeple (Michael B), Friday, 30 May 2014 14:16 (ten years ago) link

eight months pass...

So, Katie Price won the latest CBB.

― Mark G, Friday, 6 February 2015 23:14 (nine years ago) link

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