the worst - when yr work loo is all cubicle (no urinal) and ppl insist on using the cubicles without shutting the doors!I hate this.-- MarkH (MarkH), Saturday, November 15, 2003 4:48 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Link
I hate this.
-- MarkH (MarkH), Saturday, November 15, 2003 4:48 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Link
I know it's been 4 years, but I want to know why this bothers you. People pee at urinals with less concealment than in a stall w/ the door open, so what's the difference?
― Jesse, Saturday, 24 November 2007 20:30 (sixteen years ago) link
Because people begin to walk into a stall when they see the door partially open and then it's awkward when you realize someone's already there. that doesn't happen with a urinal since you can clearly see someone leaking into it.
the worst was my father, he would sometimes in the house be on the can taking a dump without the door being closed. one of the times I walked in I felt like retinal detachment was the way to go
― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Saturday, 24 November 2007 21:00 (sixteen years ago) link
Good lord. I just L'd OL all over the place in the library, as much as I tried not to, and then when I scrolled down to type this, somehow my mouse got stuck on the giant turd picture a few posts above. I've pretty much alerted everyone near me, without saying a word, that I'm laughing at poop-related webpages.
― Z S, Saturday, 24 November 2007 21:10 (sixteen years ago) link
It was the Pooping Friends Network that did me in, because I immediately thought of my PFN at my last job and how a small group of us had tacitly agreed to participate.
― Z S, Saturday, 24 November 2007 21:13 (sixteen years ago) link
ASTAIRE. Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to >alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying >a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is >occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom >immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
Larry Craig rest in peace.
― The Reverend, Saturday, 24 November 2007 21:32 (sixteen years ago) link
SAFE HAVENS
― El Tomboto, Sunday, 25 November 2007 01:36 (sixteen years ago) link
I MISS THEM
I have a safe haven at school that's in the basement that no one uses, is single-user, and has a lockable door. If only it had a deafening fan, it would be heaven on earth.
― Z S, Sunday, 25 November 2007 01:38 (sixteen years ago) link
thanks, lady! http://www.safe-havens.org/images/cover_cropped2.jpg
― gershy, Sunday, 25 November 2007 01:40 (sixteen years ago) link
God the whole Larry Craig thing makes me aranoid and I am a woman. OTOH my paranoia knows few bounds.
***
The other day I got out of a bathroom stall and my boss was washing her hands. I washed mine, saying "Don't wanna get MRSA!" as there was an outbreak here recently. She is WAY more put-together and prim than I, and she said, "I don't touch any of the handles, etc in the bathroom," all paranoid germophobe like that one thread. And THEN I realized I had taken Giant Dump which must have stank very bad while my BOSS was in the room, and I flashed back to the one thread about how no one should ever ever poop outside their home toilet bcz it ruins things for everyone else. And I was like "oh my I have broken alll these bathroom rules," and it was very jarring.
SO ILE and Larry Craig have made me terrified of my formerly calm & confident bathroom ways.
― Abbott, Sunday, 25 November 2007 01:45 (sixteen years ago) link
I don't understand. Why does the authour of this piece think "escapees" and "jailbreaks" are embarrassing? Outside of a bathroom such noises may be rude, but the whole point of a bathroom is to relieve bodily functions.
-- fletrejet, Thursday, 9 January 2003 20:10 (4 years ago) Link
i don't know who fletrejet is (was), but this is kind of on point. i remember once relieving myslef at a Knicks game when some dude a few urinals over let out a huge fart. someone in line shook his head and acted all disgusted and all i could think is if not here, then where?
― sanskrit, Sunday, 25 November 2007 01:46 (sixteen years ago) link
no one should ever ever poop outside their home toilet bcz it ruins things for everyone else.
This is ridiculous. Toilets are for shitting in. Use them well.
― The Reverend, Sunday, 25 November 2007 01:47 (sixteen years ago) link
This is OTM post.
"aranoid"
http://www.gonomad.com/gallery/west-ireland/images/aran-horse-b.jpg
― gershy, Sunday, 25 November 2007 01:47 (sixteen years ago) link
Yeah thee Reverend that is what I thought but apparently there are like people who don't think this!
― Abbott, Sunday, 25 November 2007 01:47 (sixteen years ago) link
Where else can one take a dump, sheesh
― Abbott, Sunday, 25 November 2007 01:48 (sixteen years ago) link
That pony looks like it could jump that fence if it had half a will to.
― The Reverend, Sunday, 25 November 2007 01:51 (sixteen years ago) link
Wait, will I look paranoid if I say here that, altho I usually feel like the dirtbag at my office, seeing as how there are lots of black-pants girls with blow-outs and older women with the whole wool-slacks-twinset thing, I've noticed a disturbing number of people who just run warm water over their hands for two seconds after coming out of the toilets, then dry off and leave?
Actually I'm fine with not washing if you've just had a light pee, I don't wash every time at home either, but what kind of mental evasion is it when you pretend that a little water is doing anything?
― Laurel, Sunday, 25 November 2007 01:52 (sixteen years ago) link
Poppy's a little sloppy...
― Abbott, Sunday, 25 November 2007 01:53 (sixteen years ago) link
At least they're even acknowledging the handwash. I see so many guys walk straight out of the men's room it's ridiculous.
― The Reverend, Sunday, 25 November 2007 01:55 (sixteen years ago) link
I don't care about the ritual, I care about results -- results like killing or washing away bacteria, and two seconds of lukewarm water can't be accomplishing either. It's sort of...delusional? Which is perversely really amusing to me and also really aggravating.
― Laurel, Sunday, 25 November 2007 02:13 (sixteen years ago) link
guys wtf are we doing at home on a saturday night talking about this
― El Tomboto, Sunday, 25 November 2007 02:27 (sixteen years ago) link
(i know, i know, but like, god)
We are sad folk.
― The Reverend, Sunday, 25 November 2007 02:30 (sixteen years ago) link
I've been drinking like seven days out of the last 10, I'm home taking a break and saving money. Plus tomorrow I start packing to move.
― Laurel, Sunday, 25 November 2007 02:31 (sixteen years ago) link
I'm watching Battlestar. And drinking. And pumping brick.
― Oilyrags, Sunday, 25 November 2007 02:35 (sixteen years ago) link
That last is a freeweights thing, not a poop ref.
I haven't left the house since Thanksgiving evening.
I have taken about ten shits since then.
― Pleasant Plains, Sunday, 25 November 2007 02:37 (sixteen years ago) link
ha I took my one of my post-tging bear shits in the atlanta airport
― El Tomboto, Sunday, 25 November 2007 02:39 (sixteen years ago) link
did you see any undercover cops?
― gershy, Sunday, 25 November 2007 02:48 (sixteen years ago) link
I have to power down the active surveillance when I evacuate ballast
― El Tomboto, Sunday, 25 November 2007 02:51 (sixteen years ago) link
Best not to take poops, but leave them.
― libcrypt, Sunday, 25 November 2007 03:19 (sixteen years ago) link
"It's an Abba turd!"
― Abbott, Sunday, 25 November 2007 03:19 (sixteen years ago) link
I don't understand. Why does the authour of this piece think "escapees" and "jailbreaks" are embarrassing? Outside of a bathroom such noises may be rude, but the whole point of a bathroom is to relieve bodily functions.-- fletrejet, Thursday, 9 January 2003 20:10 (4 years ago) Link
It's not that I think they're inappropriate, but I just don't care for farting around strangers regardless of context. Not that it's rude, but still kind of embarrassing.
On another matter, my work bathroom is a one-seater that is off the reception area, which would be bad enough if it weren't for the fact that the toilet makes absolutely no sound when it flushes--it's eerie and annoying.
― Jesse, Sunday, 25 November 2007 19:02 (sixteen years ago) link
Oops! I was going to say-- The other function of a courtesy flush is to mask the violent results of a drunken trip to Taco Bell for the (grrrr) "Fourth Meal."
― Jesse, Sunday, 25 November 2007 19:05 (sixteen years ago) link
Srsly though what the hell is it with people who try the cubicle door even though it clearly says ENGAGED? What are they hoping? That the lock will give way and they will burst in catching you in flagrante delicturd (weak pun soz)
― ledge, Sunday, 25 November 2007 19:13 (sixteen years ago) link
http://img66.imageshack.us/img66/9186/imageuploadimagemk5.jpg
― libcrypt, Sunday, 25 November 2007 21:00 (sixteen years ago) link
I'm usually only embarassed at work if there are co-workers I know, but I one time went to a pizza place where the bathroom was a one-seater. UNISEX.
And I had the worst diarrhea of a lifetime. I mean if I was a boxer, I woulda changed weight classes. My friends could kind of tell with the repeated facial clenching so I excused myself and I mean...the bathroom is RIGHT NEXT to a goddamn table. Seriously, this three top is like not even 100 feet away.
Of course the door is kind of old and weak and I hear someone pull on it twice and have horrors of the door coming free and everybody seeing me farting and dumping with my pants around my legs and a sheepish, scared look on my face.
It didn't happen. But I guarantee once I flung that door open and the scent wafted outwards, there were at least 3 patrons who no longer had an appetite.
― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Sunday, 25 November 2007 23:17 (sixteen years ago) link
I've had worse. When I was in seventh grade I had a bout of explosive diarrhea that decided to commence *as soon as I entered the stall* (note before I managed to pull my pants down or sit on the toilet). I got shit all over the place including my clothes. I ended up sitting there for half the day not knowing what to do. I eventually managed to get someone to bring me my gym clothes and a plastic bag and get a hold of my mom.
― The Reverend, Sunday, 25 November 2007 23:31 (sixteen years ago) link
^^^I'm freaking glad I didn't have the egg salad I'm eating in my mouth at the time I read that, because I would have spat it all over the cpu. rofl.
― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Sunday, 25 November 2007 23:35 (sixteen years ago) link
I would have shits with all this white girls.
― Oilyrags, Sunday, 25 November 2007 23:36 (sixteen years ago) link
a sexy shit party?
― Bo Jackson Overdrive, Sunday, 25 November 2007 23:36 (sixteen years ago) link
black-pants girls with blow-outs
what is this please?
― emsk, Monday, 26 November 2007 00:18 (sixteen years ago) link
http://img48.imageshack.us/img48/1438/lw2toiletkj1.jpg
^^ The Reverend in junior high.
― Pleasant Plains, Monday, 26 November 2007 01:26 (sixteen years ago) link
Fo realz.
― The Reverend, Monday, 26 November 2007 02:33 (sixteen years ago) link
Black pants blow-out = the mainstream young lady's office uniform. Unexceptional in all ways: black pants, black shoes, few accessories (very modest ones, possibly a silver Elsa Peretti necklace from her parents), blow-dried hair, unobtrusive but always acceptable. Not too stylish, but with just enough expenditure showing.
― Laurel, Monday, 26 November 2007 03:07 (sixteen years ago) link
Conversation I just had with my friend Kevin:
me: Kevin, do you poop at work? kevin: Heck yeah I do. Pooping at work is fantastic. me: Why? kevin: Because it takes up time I'd otherwise have to spend working. Make an event out of it and don't do it at home so I can save up my morning shit. I even print out some reading material and take it in there with me. It's awesome.
He did admit to waiting until he's the only one in the bathroom until leaving. So I guess he's kind of an out of the closet pooper. In any event, he's my hero.
― ENBB, Monday, 26 November 2007 03:24 (sixteen years ago) link
The teachers and staff of my high schools liked me so I was able to use their bathroom for most of a year until one nasty teacher put the kibosh on it. Then I had a serious stomach issue in the middle of the day and had to use the fucking students bathroom. Where the stalls had *no doors.*
Still not as bad as one school I went to where the toilets didn't have stalls separating them--just 3 toilets in a line. Grrr.
― Jesse, Monday, 26 November 2007 07:34 (sixteen years ago) link
Inhuman!
― The Reverend, Monday, 26 November 2007 07:45 (sixteen years ago) link
kevin: Because it takes up time I'd otherwise have to spend working. Make an event out of it and don't do it at home so I can save up my morning shit. I even print out some reading material and take it in there with me. It's awesome.
^^^ 4-4-2
― ken c, Monday, 26 November 2007 12:05 (sixteen years ago) link
No, my short term contract ended.
euphemism or...
― Neanderthal, Friday, 25 July 2014 23:19 (nine years ago) link
what is wrong with pooping at work you get paid and it feel so good except for the flush splashback. flushback
― ledriver, Saturday, 26 July 2014 03:40 (nine years ago) link
nobody wants a bead of wet poo in the eye
I have to say that upthread I was against pooping at work, but pooping just before leaving the office for the day results in a relaxed feeling of well being that makes the bus trip back home a lot less stressful.
― Hugh G. Wreckjoke (snoball), Thursday, 26 March 2015 18:37 (nine years ago) link
Not least of all because you know you're not going to have to poop again any time soon.
― Hugh G. Wreckjoke (snoball), Thursday, 26 March 2015 18:50 (nine years ago) link
this little story transcends categorization
it's a little bit of poop, a little bit of general washroom talk
anyway
i go into the washroom just now and give myself a quick look at the mirror to take in the view of my dashing self, and fix the hair a bit
as i turn to one stall a colleague comes in
and we stare into each others eyes like deer in headlight
so i say to him, you look a little out of it today, which stall do you prefer? to break the ice
i talk to him often outside the washroom but this was our first time double teaming it
he confesses he does have a preference, so i being the gentleman that i am, ask him to proceed before me and i say okay well we gonna let this place have it!
and he rushes inside his stall and he screams it's a tag team and makes a high pitch laugh
he continues, o this place is gonna be a gas chamber, and breaks into laughter again
i am already in the other stall and as dragon is dangling in the cold, white, stoic room, he says "you know it's just the drive that kills me"
i grow unsure of what to say or do because i just heard his zipper and pants drop
and i say in befuddlement o ya well at least it's not gonna rain...
people from los angeles hate driving in the rain, i don't blame them, everyone drives like a maniac here, and it's been raining on and off, so i try to show a little compassion
and then he continues to talk about the weather and how there's rain in the forecast this weekend, all the while making grunts and pushing sounds
i urge dragon to empty itself out by swinging it a little, as if it had a mind of its own, which is foolish i know, and my visage distorts into a messy puzzle
o i see, is all i can muster
and there is a strange silence for a few seconds, then a grunt, and then the sound of a heavy, dense ball landing deep in water
never had i been so happy about running dry
but he kept evacuating his army out into the sea
and he continues hey have you watched the return to macon county?
i'm shaking off clean and i say making?
-the return of MACON county
oh the return of MAKE-UN county, no
-well you know it's a car movie, i know you're not really into that
i'm done and out the stall and say well you never know
another silence for a few seconds as i do my hygienic ritual
and then my parting words:
well i will leave you to it coach
― F# A# (∞), Thursday, 15 March 2018 18:27 (six years ago) link
...
― marcos, Thursday, 15 March 2018 18:32 (six years ago) link
that was a great story though i did only read the line breaks and not the sentences btwn them
― sleepingbag, Thursday, 15 March 2018 18:34 (six years ago) link
https://images1.miaminewtimes.com/imager/marco-rubio-pleads-for-tolerance-for-his/u/original/6560364/marco_rubio_thumb_560x383.jpg
― Another helping of mouthwatering cobbler? (Old Lunch), Thursday, 15 March 2018 18:35 (six years ago) link
the prohibition on talking while going to the washroom in islam is good imo
― Louis Jägermeister (jim in vancouver), Thursday, 15 March 2018 18:37 (six years ago) link
please never refer to your penis as the dragon ever again
― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Thursday, 15 March 2018 20:02 (six years ago) link
or any penis for that matter
just don't
― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Thursday, 15 March 2018 20:03 (six years ago) link
i have a snake
― (•̪●) (carne asada), Thursday, 15 March 2018 20:17 (six years ago) link
XpTbf that name was bestowed to my member by another person (a woman), not meI’m just trying to remain an objective observer as all great writers have been
― F# A# (∞), Thursday, 15 March 2018 20:18 (six years ago) link
i don't shit in a multi-stalled bathroom at work
we put in a single-use gender-neutral bathroom and that's what i use
― marcos, Thursday, 15 March 2018 20:19 (six years ago) link
I am such a quiet stealth pooper at work that I admire the women who blow the place up while other people are having conversations by the sinks.
― Yerac, Thursday, 15 March 2018 20:36 (six years ago) link
Our HR person makes such horrific noises and sighs so much when she's in the stall that someone requested they pipe music in and they actually did.
― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Thursday, 15 March 2018 20:45 (six years ago) link
Every place needs to pipe in music. It's such a stupid thing that they don't. I love all the toilets in Japan that have a button for white noise or music.
― Yerac, Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:03 (six years ago) link
i like to sound an airhorn continuously while i poop at work
― in conclusion, it is good to peel the sheeps (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:04 (six years ago) link
someone needs to invent a reverse-panopticon bathroom design where no one can see (or hear) anyone
― scoff walker (diamonddave85), Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:11 (six years ago) link
Toilets here are generally in fully walled stalls so you can’t hear others
― droit au butt (Euler), Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:13 (six years ago) link
must be nice. today someone pulled the ol' peep thru the crack in the stall to see if it was truly occupied but i'm not psychotic enough to hang a strip of toilet paper over the crack while i go
― scoff walker (diamonddave85), Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:18 (six years ago) link
The single stall/handicap bathroom at work (unknown people would come from other floors to poop in it lol) had the worst design. The lock was one of those that you weren't ever sure if it was fully locked, when you went to test it, it would unlock. And the toilet was far from the door, so if the door was indeed not locked and someone walked in, you would have to stand up and run three steps to the door to shove it close. I understand that the room needed the space but that f'ing lock.
― Yerac, Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:34 (six years ago) link
A bar I used to go to in Prague had a single toilet in a long room, with a door with a broken lock that opened up to the whole room. And that wasn't even the worst thing about the place, it was a skinhead bar we only ever went to because we knew we could buy weed there.
― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 15 March 2018 21:37 (six years ago) link
xp I discovered a while ago that the cubicle doors at my work are easy to unlock from the outside. luckily I feel like I do not work with anyone who would do such a thing and I'm usually paranoid enough to make sure nothing would be visible by default anyway, but still not ideal
(the lock indicator was in a halfway position and I'd already checked the cubicle was empty but for some reason decided to push the outside of the lock gently with my finger, and in fact the entire lock could move all the way from locked to open and back by swiping the outside vacancy indicator)
current peeve: the sanitary bin is taller than the toilet seat and barely an inch away from it so if you are a larger lady you have to arrange yourself quite carefully on the seat to avoid the bin touching your bare thigh
I keep thinking about complaining about this and then thinking of the horror of writing to the facilities guy to say "hello, here is how fat I am, now think about my bare thighs. signed, a fatty"
― a passing spacecadet, Thursday, 15 March 2018 22:10 (six years ago) link
splashback solution:
https://i.imgur.com/iLMx1kU.png
― Sassy Boutonnière (ledriver), Tuesday, 4 June 2019 04:16 (five years ago) link
i used to be self conscious about doing this but now I just fucking dump it out. don't even care.
― akm, Tuesday, 4 June 2019 04:26 (five years ago) link
better than letting whistlers fly at the desk
― Sassy Boutonnière (ledriver), Tuesday, 4 June 2019 04:32 (five years ago) link
boss makes a dollar, i make a dimethat's why i poop on company time
― Aspen Jortstein (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 4 June 2019 09:29 (five years ago) link
I go to other floors so I won't run into my direct coworkers. It's not shame, specifically. Nor is it a denial that I have bodily functions, it's more like... I want to preserve an arm's length distance between me and my immediate coworkers.
I prefer to be a bit of a mystery, and to retain a zone of privacy. I don't even like to eat in the office if I can possibly avoid it. I don't want to go to lunch with coworkers, or drinks after.
I am here to work and that's it. I already have friends. I already have a family. I don't need work peeps to be either entity.
― Velcromancer (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 4 June 2019 13:26 (five years ago) link
or work poops amirite
― Aspen Jortstein (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 4 June 2019 13:47 (five years ago) link
Wokka wokka
― Velcromancer (Ye Mad Puffin), Tuesday, 4 June 2019 14:18 (five years ago) link
I poop at work every day and it’s been pretty amazing lately, just word class poops that leave me weak-kneed
― don't mock my smock or i'll clean your clock (silby), Tuesday, 4 June 2019 14:54 (five years ago) link
Been desperate to tell someone
congrats, getting paid to poop is the best
― Aspen Jortstein (bizarro gazzara), Tuesday, 4 June 2019 14:57 (five years ago) link
Pooping at work is mandatory. What is the key here is not getting splashed with yr own deuce juice by a zealous auto-flush.
― Sassy Boutonnière (ledriver), Wednesday, 5 June 2019 06:59 (five years ago) link
i will admit, before I was virtual, i definitely milked bathroom time. it was the best. a 20-30 minute break, bring the boombox into the can and play your fav jams
― Fash Gordon (Neanderthal), Saturday, 5 November 2022 23:38 (one year ago) link