Tiger Woods car/life crash

http://www.buzzfeed.com/mjs538/kittens-and-tiger-woods-sexts

http://gizmodo.com/5496451/sexting-tiger-threatened-to-slap-spank-bite-and-fuck-till-mercy

leave tiger alone

in his room with a porn star

watch out for the room service cart

Does that excite you at all or no

hahahah

• With many of his mistresses, Woods was allegedly exceedingly cheap. Mindy Lawton says the only thing he ever bought for her was a chicken wrap from Subway (he was stopping there on his way to meet her).

Weirdest thing about some of those exchanges is that the most famous golfer in the world-slash-billionaire apparently wasn't even booking himself suites on the road. I imagined that he was given the Presidential Suite wherever he stayed.

# can tiger record a rap song so he can drop an "all you get is hard dick and chicken wraps" line? 12:12 PM Mar 31st via web

^this is a quality tweet

^_^

news conference

"Not fooled by the goatee, Tiger" vs. "Enter: EVIL Tiger!"

Has Woods rocked the facial hair before?

“The encouragement I got, it blew me away,” he said.

I bet!

Woods did admit to taking prescription pain killers in connection to a knee injury and an Achilles injury and sedatives around the time his father, Earl, died in 2006.

Could it have been his Achilles ... heel?

Caption this photo:

http://www.latimes.com/media/alternatethumbnails/photo/2010-04/53106900-05112743.jpg

I like the woman in the middle checking out his ass

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/worldnews/article-1263385/Tiger-Woods-returns-golf-Augusta--army-90-bodyguards.html

Tiger Woods returns to golf in Augusta... with an army of 90 bodyguards

tiger woods soundboard

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwF873gU_uU

tiger woods tees off today to the sound of one million assholes screaming GET IN THE HOLE

I'm behind on my euphemisms; I still don't get what the "club sandwich" text refers to, unless he was just ordering lunch.

think of what he could have sandwiched his golf club between

Club Sandwich 24 up, 13 down

Similar to a threesome but involves 5 people, 3 male and 2 female, in a stack arrangement that resembles a Club Sandwich. In order to hold the stack together one of the women must wear a strap-on otherwise known as the 'toothpick' in the sandwich.

Could my two friends and I interest you ladies in a Club Sandwich?

club sandwich sandwich threesome 3some gang bang

by MattMc Sep 14, 2006 share this

that snap hook shot on 9 was siiick

Its pretty even money around the office that he wins this thing. And yes, that second shot on 9 was amazing.

Regardless of his horrible taste in women (his wife notwithstanding), dude can play some golf. It is proven.

That Nike commercial seems like the worst idea ever.

don't even understand it - is there something to understand?

People are making a lot of remixes of it that aren't very funny.

xp - Tiger's dad is dressing him down for sticking his dick in any available hole?

or, more likely, sticking his dick in any available hole and getting busted

(nb: Daddy's been dead for a few years, so they repurposed old audio for this purpose)

that sounds incredibly creepy & fucked up

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OEkomaBTppY

remix that's amusing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TO6wI9OQRE

I thought that's what it was milo z i.e. he's exploiting (or letting nike exploit) not only the dick-hole thing but also his father's death - I don't understand

I don't understand

ah!

Wow - Nike endorse philandering!

The Nike commercial is fantastic. It reminds me of the New Yorker Obama cover--it takes everything that's out there and throws at back at you in a way that upsets a lot of people. I'm not saying that their motives are altruistic--their only interest is in salvaging a public image so that they can continue to make piles of money--but in terms of the mess they have to extricate themselves from, I can't imagine a better way to handle it.

Also, people are talking about it a lot.

i hven't seen it, but i'm struggling to imagine a way that it couldn't be deeply awful

It's worse than you could possibly imagine

that sounds incredibly creepy & fucked up

That's Tiger for you!

i'm basically hearing earl as mufasa telling tiger to man the fuck up, that might be cool actually.

It's worse than you can possibly imagine.

I don't get this at all. Nike decided to stand by him--good for them; I think those who bailed are spineless--and now they have to figure out a way to move past all this as much and as quickly as possible. Should they have stayed on the sidelines for a few more months, and then at some point have snuck in a pre-scandal-type ad of Tiger hitting golf balls or some such thing--a pay-no-attention-to-that-elephant-in-the-room ad? Would a jokey ad have been better? Seems to me that would have really infuriated a lot of people. I think it's an ingenious (and relatively artistic) attempt to defuse a complicated problem.

youtube parodies of this are much less funnier than I would have thought possible.

that ad is terrible. it's trying to get tiger back to where he was before, but since he wasn't there before anyway because ~there~ is just an illusion, and a dull one at that, it is a horrible, contemptuous, cynical piece of crap.

the snl parody was somehow better than almost all of them

haven't checked out any of the other parodies, but the bit on Colbert w/ different voices on the audio -- especially Gene Wilder in Young Frankenstein -- was hysterical

that advert makes him seem like a sociopath

When Tiger pulled a shot on the one of the back 9 holes he muttered 'Tiger' to himself with a voice and a childlike frustration that reminded me of...Michael Jackson.

Mark my words, etc.

The post-final round interview was all me me me awful...fine if he doesn't want to change his ways round the course (the attempts to get him to lighten up a bit are pathetic) but he shouldn't pretend to go along with it.

I'm starting to wonder if the little ritual we've developed for celebrity scandals (give a press conference with a wife standing quietly behind you, vanish into some treatment center for a while, and then come out declaring that Everything's Changed) is starting to break down.