hs was a "best of times, worst of times" situation for me:
on the surface I was rocking: class president, had a diff. girlfriend every year, lotsa friends, in a band, doing a zine, part of the punk scene, plenty of fun shit going on
inside / in secret: closeted, doing lots of risky promiscuous stuff in public with strangers, lying to everyone, painful unrequited love for str8 friends and bandmates, clingy n depressive, homicidal/suicidal, a mess.
I'm glad I survived.
― twice boiled cabbage is death, Tuesday, 11 May 2010 00:03 (fourteen years ago) link
wow
― i fake it so real, i am beyonce (surm), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 00:05 (fourteen years ago) link
i'm glad u survived, too. highschool you sounds like a very interesting person
― i fake it so real, i am beyonce (surm), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 00:06 (fourteen years ago) link
i was def v much in the closet and was scared of being outed but that didn't really hinder my experience in high school -- most of my straight guy friends weren't doing shit w/ girls until late in senior year anyway, so i didn't really have much pressure on me
i had tons of unrequited love for str8 friends, and even had subtle moves subtly rebutted, but in a weird way it kind of gave my life purpose -- like in a perverse way it was fun knowing that after we went swimming, i got to go home and masturbate to the thought of a circle jerk -- i kind of took the position of "i'll figure this out in college" & was cool w/ it
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 11 May 2010 00:08 (fourteen years ago) link
yeah the closet is awful but it also animates every interaction with this pressurized power that lends an unmistakeable, big erotic charge to mundane stuff.
I don't miss it, but I've been thinking about hs a lot because tomorrow I fly home to Louisville, KY to see all my old posse, and my highschool band is reforming to play a benefit concert for our friend who has bone cancer. It's going to be a major headfuck to sing those songs I wrote at 17 (love songs about other people in the band, mind you) after all those years. Weird! Awkward!
― twice boiled cabbage is death, Tuesday, 11 May 2010 00:21 (fourteen years ago) link
awesome, amazing. u'll learn a lot about yourself
/freud
― i fake it so real, i am beyonce (surm), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 00:28 (fourteen years ago) link
i was not "in the closet" but i was not like OUT either
You woulda loved my locker room after PE, surm. I can swear that I was too young to feel urges. I didn't kiss a boy until I was twenty-two.
― cool and remote like dancing girls (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 00:31 (fourteen years ago) link
i was 20
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 11 May 2010 00:32 (fourteen years ago) link
i first kissed a girl when i was 13
It was so romantic. We sat on the dirt. A rat the size of a tabby scurried over the pine needles.
― cool and remote like dancing girls (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 00:33 (fourteen years ago) link
i felt real pressure to kiss a girl just to say that i had kissed someone, but i never felt enough pressure to go any further just to say that i had
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 11 May 2010 00:34 (fourteen years ago) link
Well, with your looks you could have been.
― cool and remote like dancing girls (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 00:34 (fourteen years ago) link
which resulted in me being quite the heartbreaker in HS -- i feel like i should track these girls down so i can do the whole "no really, it really WAS me, not you" routine
ha!
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 11 May 2010 00:35 (fourteen years ago) link
Oh, attention all NYC gays: I might be in town the weekend after Memorial Day (first week of June). I'd love a FAP.
― cool and remote like dancing girls (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 00:35 (fourteen years ago) link
i used to kiss girls in like elementary school, bc i was really popular with them and i kind of figured why not. the other girls would tease me cuz i had a crush on this one girl, elizabeth ann ferree. she would write me letters about how much she liked me. my grandmother thought it was funny.
― i fake it so real, i am beyonce (surm), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 00:36 (fourteen years ago) link
first kissed a girl at 15, first kissed a guy at 21
― jagger edge (The Reverend), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 01:13 (fourteen years ago) link
My social skills were cultivated in drama club, sr year by getting riproaring drunk at the parties. Also, I wd chase girls when I was blasted.
― kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 01:20 (fourteen years ago) link
I never even drank until I was 18
― jagger edge (The Reverend), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 01:25 (fourteen years ago) link
first kissed a girl at 13, first hookup with a guy at 16 (no kissin'), but I was straight-edge in hs
― twice boiled cabbage is death, Tuesday, 11 May 2010 01:25 (fourteen years ago) link
girls 13weed 15booze 16boys 20
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 11 May 2010 01:28 (fourteen years ago) link
kentucky boys don't kiss eh
― i fake it so real, i am beyonce (surm), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 01:28 (fourteen years ago) link
kentucky boys sound unimaginably hot
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 11 May 2010 01:29 (fourteen years ago) link
backwoods boys
― cool and remote like dancing girls (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 01:30 (fourteen years ago) link
^^^^ awesome Hold Steady song title were Craig Finn queer.
haha
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 11 May 2010 01:31 (fourteen years ago) link
i didn't kiss a girl til i was a college sophomore, years after i came out. my bf was there. also there: alcohol.
― a connecticut muffin in king arthur's flour (donna rouge), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 02:31 (fourteen years ago) link
first time i ever got drunk-as-a-skunk (18) was in baltimore! (haven't been back since)
― a connecticut muffin in king arthur's flour (donna rouge), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 02:32 (fourteen years ago) link
girl: 15booze: 16weed: 18girl-in-question's new boyfriend at the time: 18 (in front of her and all our friends, in a bar, in an american pie 2 sort of situation. pretty passive aggressive of me, but i was heartbroken and/or closeted. she and I are still/now best friends now. <-- possibly the thing i am most ashamed of having done ever, re: sketchy motivations.)boys, without bullshit denial excuses: 21
― Alex in Montreal, Tuesday, 11 May 2010 03:13 (fourteen years ago) link
never smaeked wiid. i am so fucking square.
― jagger edge (The Reverend), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 03:21 (fourteen years ago) link
Never did girls. The other three within the same year or so.
― will live out his days in gloomy batchelorhood (Eric H.), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 03:21 (fourteen years ago) link
tons of my friends here have never smoked weed before -- pretty weird to me tbh but almost everyone i knew in high school got high -- only a few were true stoners but -- it's pretty sweet, everyone should try it out a few times imo
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 11 May 2010 03:23 (fourteen years ago) link
i smoked a lot more in HS than in college or after
― a connecticut muffin in king arthur's flour (donna rouge), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 03:25 (fourteen years ago) link
(weed that is) (cigs = pretty much the opposite - i can actually count the # of cigs i've smoked in 2010 on one hand)
― a connecticut muffin in king arthur's flour (donna rouge), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 03:27 (fourteen years ago) link
Never smoked a cig. Ick.
― will live out his days in gloomy batchelorhood (Eric H.), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 03:27 (fourteen years ago) link
i have & still do sometimes -- def a drunk chain smoker
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 11 May 2010 03:47 (fourteen years ago) link
no idea rev had never smoked
― i fake it so real, i am beyonce (surm), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 03:50 (fourteen years ago) link
def a drunk chaincocksmoker. fixed.
― Alex in Montreal, Tuesday, 11 May 2010 03:51 (fourteen years ago) link
feelin this post so much
― coining (Lamp), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 03:52 (fourteen years ago) link
never touched a cig either, do occasionally have a cigar or hookah tho
― jagger edge (The Reverend), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 04:58 (fourteen years ago) link
hookah makes me vomit for some reason -- like instantly
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 11 May 2010 05:02 (fourteen years ago) link
my friends all smoked hookah in high school & esp in this one chick's house we'd kick it in a back room & watch tv & play boggle & shit and they'd smoke the hookah for hours and i'd feel like i straight up couldn't breathe
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 11 May 2010 05:04 (fourteen years ago) link
gas chamber ish
idk i never got the appeal of feeling light headed? just kinda make me feel generally sick
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 11 May 2010 05:05 (fourteen years ago) link
i had a roommate who owned 2 hookahs, which we used fairly often. the smell is a little much for me these days, like whenever i walk by a hookah bar
― a connecticut muffin in king arthur's flour (donna rouge), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 05:15 (fourteen years ago) link
I kissed a boy before I kissed a girl. This is weird y/n?
― amadeus bag (Stevie D), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 05:28 (fourteen years ago) link
more like lucky
― J0rdan S., Tuesday, 11 May 2010 05:30 (fourteen years ago) link
n! i said the same thing upthread xp
― joe scarborough and peoples (donna rouge), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 05:30 (fourteen years ago) link
bz: 18w: 19by: 19g: 22
― amadeus bag (Stevie D), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 05:31 (fourteen years ago) link