Dear X, blah blah blah. Love, Z

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dear remy,

do you really need direct tv and netflix?

love, me

― jeff, Monday, 2 April 2007 01:33 (seventeen years ago) link

dear jeff,

no. but i have outstanding bills to pay to those companies.

:(

remy.

― remy bean, Monday, 2 April 2007 02:20 (seventeen years ago) link

dear remy,

can you join a debt consolidation service so you'll only get ONE harrassing phone call a month?

-g.b.

― get bent, Monday, 2 April 2007 02:27 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Hoos -

Goddamn, I woulda thought your joint wasn't full of that kind of bullshit. That seems more the specialty of the place up the block. Anyway, good to hear you're doing ok.

PS - Got a portable? I can probably save you a lot of downloading trouble.

― Oilyrags, Monday, 2 April 2007 02:33 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear friends,

I don't know what came over me yesterday, but I hope you were more drunk than I was and therefore can't really remember. Let's pretend nothing happened. I'll start!

-Me

― Maria, Monday, 2 April 2007 02:47 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Curtis

I also hope you're gonna be ok. Everything in its right place :)

love
Trayce

― Trayce, Monday, 2 April 2007 02:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Me,

YOU ARE A FUCKING AWESOME SINGER.

xoxoxo,
Your Gigantic Fuckoff Ego

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 03:31 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear YSI,

FUCK YOU, IT'S MY OWN SONG, UPLOAD IT

xoxoxo,
FUCK YOU

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 13:30 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Morrissey,

I have just spent a lot of money buying tickets to see you this June. Please do me a favor and be more like when I saw you at Central Park in 1996 and less like when I saw you at the Hammerstein Ballroom three months later when you threw a strop, stormed off stage and pretty much ruined the whole show. I've waited 11 long years to see you again and it would break my heart if you wind up being disappointing. You don't want that now, do you? Good, I'm glad we're in agreement here.

Kisses,

E

― ENBB, Monday, 2 April 2007 14:24 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Morrissey,

Hi, it's me again! I just realized that the aforementioned two shows were probably in 1997 not 1996. Sorry for any confusion my error my have caused you.

Yours,

E

― ENBB, Monday, 2 April 2007 14:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear cookies-

Please stop hanging out on top of the microwave where I can see you and smell you, all warmed up, every time I go in the kitchen to get a coffee or whatever.

Thanks,
Big Fattie Kate

― Masonic Boom, Monday, 2 April 2007 14:36 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear life where I have to sit in this gay ass office and be nice to people I don't like to make money to pay for things I don't really want or need instead of living out on the farm building cool structures and stuff with my son and grandma,

Fuck you.

Yr pal,

"Case Of The Mondays"

― nickalicious, Monday, 2 April 2007 14:38 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear College,

Thank you for letting me fulfill my "formal methods of reasoning" requirement by taking a class called "Women in Mathematics." Seriously. The last thing I wanted to do was take Calculus, or, God forbid, Kinesiology.

Thanks again,
Max

P.S. I'm gonna miss you when I graduate.

― max, Monday, 2 April 2007 15:12 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear JetBlue,

If you're going to delay a flight by 3.5 hours, could you at least be up front about it, rather than incrementally delaying it by another 15 minutes every...15 minutes, killing your passengers by inches? Also, if you're going to break my wheely suitcase, could you do it in a more spectacular manner? It's useless to me now anyway; at least I could feel like it had gone down valiantly if it bore the marks of a struggle. There's something subtly demeaning about the way it looks pristine but the handle comes off if you try to pull it anywhere.

I prefer watching tv AT HOME,
horseshoe

― horseshoe, Monday, 2 April 2007 15:15 (seventeen years ago) link

dear horseshoe,

in my experience jetblue has had great customer service -- last time i flew with them there was a long delay and they offered everyone a $50 voucher toward their next flight. i'm sure if you call them and you don't sound too douchey they'll find some way to make it up to you.

― get bent, Monday, 2 April 2007 15:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear lady from two buildings down,

How many handsignals for "I am in the midst of a conversation with someone over the phone right now, give me one fucking second" do I have to make before I find one that you understand?

Love,

Badass Customer Service Representative

― nickalicious, Monday, 2 April 2007 15:44 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear get bent,

That's good to know. I was too tired when I finally got my baggage to talk to anyone about it, but I will call them.

thank you!
horseshoe

Dear JetBlue,

In the interest of fairness, things I enjoyed about flying you for the first time:

1) Terra Blue chips and the way your flight attendants didn't even blink when I asked for approximately 1000 extra bags.

2) free wireless in the terminal (though that may be JFK's largesse)

3) TV (who am I trying to kid)

grudgingly,
horseshoe

― horseshoe, Monday, 2 April 2007 15:52 (seventeen years ago) link

i like the gps maps, but i think all airlines have those now.

― get bent, Monday, 2 April 2007 15:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Women's Fashion Industry,

Please stop with the retro 70s clothing and shoes. Also, please make women's clothing sizes make as much sense as men's sizes do. And while you're at it, please make some bras for people who have in-between cup sizes.

Thank you for your consideration,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 16:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear My Lungs,

Please stop denying oxygen whenever I have a chest cold. And while you're at it, can you stop making those whistling noises when I'm trying to sleep at night, they're quite disturbing.

Ta very much
Jason.

― Stone Monkey, Monday, 2 April 2007 16:59 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ILX,

It's really useful you singing these paeans with your real first names, cos I'm only just realising how many of you I don't know. I was convinced Jason was a girl.

Thanks again,
Mark

― Mark C, Monday, 2 April 2007 17:04 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear lady using a yard implement the likes of which I've never seen before which looked like a circular saw on the end of a broomhandle to do lord only knows what to that space between the driveway and sidewalk which seemed to be accomplishing nothing but making a horrible, horrible metal-on-concrete grinding noise,

WTF is wrong with you.

Love,

Concerned pedestrian

― nickalicious, Monday, 2 April 2007 17:08 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Pudding and Trouble,
I know you are kitties, and that plants seem like litterboxes. But they aren't. Please stop pooping in the houseplants. I know it takes gymnastics to do so, as I have tried to place them strategically out of bounds for you poop-with-fur types to refrain from this behaviour. I appreciate that you have met all of the challenges, and plead with you to stop.
I rescued you from a drowning fate a mere nine months ago. I control the crunchies. The power is really mine, in some ways.
I love you, but...

― aimurchie, Monday, 2 April 2007 17:29 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear My Future,

AHHH!! ARGHKLJLASADASDMJKNCSDOWEIHRWHJTKJDAKLJSDHDURHFDS!!!!!

This is an accurate summation of my thoughts re: you. Please send a chill pill back in time. Or all the answers to the GRE.

UH,
Jessie

― jessie monster, Monday, 2 April 2007 17:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Mark C,

I think you're thinking of Surfer Stone Rosalita, who is a girl.

Cheers,

jaymc

― jaymc, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:14 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear YSI,

THANKS!

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear $700 That Will Soon Be Going Towards Fixing My Brakes and Front Axle,

I hardly knew thee.

Bittersweetly,
Max

― max, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:38 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Sara R-C.

One of the major bra manufacturers (Maidenform maybe?) has in-between cups sizes, but only up to C, I think. I've seen them in Kohl's and Target.

Yours,
tr

Dearest local Italian restaurants,

Is the Godfather theme really the most appropriate song to be playing?

tr

― tokyo rosemary, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:39 (seventeen years ago) link

dear all italian-american restaurants and still-extant mid-century steakhouses:

enough with the sinatra. no disrespect to the chairman of the board, and i understand that people associate him with a particular "lifestyle" that you're hoping to emulate/evoke, but... let it go already. it's played out.

love,
girl from brooklyn who was tired of the "mafia" meme even before goodfellas came out

― get bent, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:51 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear tokyo rosemary,

Thank you for your kind help; that sounds like it might work. I will go shopping as soon as I can!

Yours,
-Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:55 (seventeen years ago) link

dear sara r-c,

i think the aforementioned bras are called 'just my size'. not sure who makes them, but they should be googlable.

julia

― JuliaA, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:08 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Julia,

Thanks for the additional information!

Also, my daughter shares your name.

Sincerely,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:09 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ladies of ILX,

Please take it to the ~~webcam~~ bra size thread.

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Dan,

I never knew you had such delicate sensibilities. Or whatever.

xo,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:13 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Sara (and Dan??)

I am wearing a half size bra now! I was wrong, it was Playtex.

yrs,
tr

― tokyo rosemary, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Tokyo Rosemary,

Thanks again.

Perhaps I can get Dan to babysit for me while I go shopping.

-Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:19 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear bra talk,

THANK YOU FOR SAVING MONDAY

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ILX ladiez,

have you guys tried racerback bras? THEY ARE AWESOME.

luv,
me

― jessie monster, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Dan,

Sure, first you're offended, then you get into it... I know your type all too well.

xo anyway,
Sara R-C

Dear Jessie Monster,

I think I have something similar to a racerback in two different colors. I like them!

luv,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:24 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear former employer,
While I was working for you this summer you told me that you had worked out a distribution system that would preclude taxation, giving me the impression that I was working under the table. Out of nowhere, after months without any communication from you, I recieved a 1099 form that had, of course, been CCed to the IRS. I do not mind paying taxes on this income, but because of the system I thought we had agreed upon this summer, I did not make the necessary deductions while I was being payed. I am currently in no position to afford these taxes. Furthermore,it's pretty callow that you never contacted me to explain what happened, relying instead on the impersonal injunction of the 1099.

Fuck you,

Colin

― C0L1N B..., Monday, 2 April 2007 19:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Just My Size,
Thank you for giving my boobs support and uplift. I never liked those underwires.
Free to be, with love, Alison

― aimurchie, Monday, 2 April 2007 20:43 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear underwires,

You should be hands.

Love,

Boobs

― nickalicious, Monday, 2 April 2007 20:44 (seventeen years ago) link

dear vinyl siding institute,

thank you for sending me this package. your "america sides with vinyl" slogan is most amusing. i wonder what it could be! i almost don't want to open it.

― get bent, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:04 (seventeen years ago) link

dear <i>radio city</i>,

you are all i want to listen to when it's nice out. should i put you on again? srsly?

so much love,
alex

― ghost rider, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:11 (seventeen years ago) link

dear html button,

i'm never, ever going to press you, but i will continue using html.

yours,
alex

― ghost rider, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:11 (seventeen years ago) link

dear jbr and r/z,

you are both 100% otm regarding the musical selections of such restaurants and the played-out-ness of such.

yrs in agreement,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Monday, 2 April 2007 21:17 (seventeen years ago) link

dear alex "matey matey" longcat,

1) why are you questioning this, you should definitely put it on again
2) FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST just use the bbcode!! it'll be better for everyone, once we all admit that button is a sham and a lie.

sincerely yrs,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Monday, 2 April 2007 21:20 (seventeen years ago) link

dear muzak overlords,

I'd really grown tired of "Light Classical" and welcomed the change to Motown & Neo-Soul. I lived with "Light Classical" for a year and expected the Motown to last at least as long. TWO DAYS and then you give me this James Blunt bullshit?? What the fuck, Muzak overlords?

what the fuck.
justin

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:21 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Hawaii Weather-

Love you, man.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:23 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear first day of spring quarter:

You have been surprisingly tolerable. The Depeche reissues have helped.

Yours,
The Guy with Another Hour and a Half to Go

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:27 (seventeen years ago) link

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