What's Hansel and Gretel's favourite band?
- ...And you will know us by the trail of bread.
^
Professional level joke imo
― Remember when Mr Banhart was a replicant? (darraghmac), Friday, 18 June 2010 11:08 (fourteen years ago) link
My friend made me a joke as a birthday gift...he says it takes a few weeks to sink in. Here it is:
Knock knock?Who's there?Ha.Ha who?Nothin'.
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Friday, 18 June 2010 15:52 (fourteen years ago) link
Still waiting for it to finish marinating tbh.
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Friday, 18 June 2010 15:53 (fourteen years ago) link
U&K- how does one pronounce ha', and indeed, 'who' in yr region?
― Remember when Mr Banhart was a replicant? (darraghmac), Friday, 18 June 2010 15:54 (fourteen years ago) link
Ha rhyming with "claw"Who...I can't believe I'm telling you how "who" is pronounced. Rhymes with "goo" or "blue."
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Friday, 18 June 2010 15:56 (fourteen years ago) link
well you pronounce 'ha' wrong so i don't see any reason to get snippy about the word with 'wh' in it tbh
― Remember when Mr Banhart was a replicant? (darraghmac), Friday, 18 June 2010 15:58 (fourteen years ago) link
i'm getting nothing but sergio leone soundtracks. i think he may be pulling your leg
― Remember when Mr Banhart was a replicant? (darraghmac), Friday, 18 June 2010 16:02 (fourteen years ago) link
I think he is just being a silly guy.
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Friday, 18 June 2010 16:07 (fourteen years ago) link
guy? how'd you pronounce that?
― Remember when Mr Banhart was a replicant? (darraghmac), Friday, 18 June 2010 16:10 (fourteen years ago) link
Now you are being the silly guy.
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Friday, 18 June 2010 21:04 (fourteen years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qoYsfbq3vMc
― serious nonsense (CaptainLorax), Friday, 18 June 2010 21:56 (fourteen years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kq9zsqa-bcs
― serious nonsense (CaptainLorax), Friday, 18 June 2010 22:04 (fourteen years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDevlNobB_g
― serious nonsense (CaptainLorax), Friday, 18 June 2010 22:05 (fourteen years ago) link
I called the city about a sinkhole on my block today. They said they were already looking into it.
― hills like white people (Hurting 2), Monday, 21 June 2010 04:38 (fourteen years ago) link
Had a dog called minton, ate my shuttlecock
BAD minton!
(friend swears he made that up, i'm doubtful)
― Remember when Mr Banhart was a replicant? (darraghmac), Monday, 21 June 2010 08:44 (fourteen years ago) link
Should be Mington, shurely?
― Smokey Maicon (Noodle Vague), Monday, 21 June 2010 08:49 (fourteen years ago) link
Noticing I had been 21 minutes late for pretty much everything over the last few days, I checked my watch and noticed it had been set to Welsh Time.
― village idiot (dog latin), Monday, 21 June 2010 11:19 (fourteen years ago) link
wait have i spelled badminton incorrectly my whole life? the humanity!
― Remember when Mr Banhart was a replicant? (darraghmac), Monday, 21 June 2010 11:45 (fourteen years ago) link
yep, looks like it.
― village idiot (dog latin), Monday, 21 June 2010 11:48 (fourteen years ago) link
no i'm right and NV is all wrong
― Remember when Mr Banhart was a replicant? (darraghmac), Monday, 21 June 2010 11:50 (fourteen years ago) link
http://www.fistoffun.net/book/69.htm
― Smokey Maicon (Noodle Vague), Monday, 21 June 2010 12:38 (fourteen years ago) link
Did you see the ceramicist comedian last night?
He was kiln em!
― hills like white people (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 23 June 2010 03:23 (fourteen years ago) link
hahaha
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Wednesday, 23 June 2010 03:48 (fourteen years ago) link
Which professional tennis player has the fattest wife?
Roger Feederer
― village idiot (dog latin), Thursday, 24 June 2010 10:01 (fourteen years ago) link
Hey bobby, what's the french for Voo-voo-zela?
― Guru Meditation (Ste), Thursday, 24 June 2010 14:56 (fourteen years ago) link
Malaysian? Isn't that just bad asian?
― all the geir, no idea (ledge), Thursday, 24 June 2010 15:32 (fourteen years ago) link
Why did Lou Reed go to Williamsburg for his prosthetics?
Because he needed hip replacement surgery.
― hills like white people (Hurting 2), Thursday, 24 June 2010 19:35 (fourteen years ago) link
Man, Hurting, you are cracking me up!
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Thursday, 24 June 2010 20:52 (fourteen years ago) link
Here is a joke of my own I once made up:
What do you guy who turns into an uncool wolf in the full moon's light?
A square-wolf.
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Thursday, 24 June 2010 20:53 (fourteen years ago) link
I mean, What do you call a guy...
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Thursday, 24 June 2010 20:54 (fourteen years ago) link
how did Snoopy begin his novel about wavelength measurement?
"It was a dark Ångström-y night."
― if you see her, say ayo (unregistered), Saturday, 26 June 2010 14:15 (fourteen years ago) link
a joke a former coworker made up:
why did the owl get fired from his job?sexuOWL harrassment
(this joke actually made me laugh uproariously as it was about the tenth in a line of owl jokes and the first whose punchline did not play off a HOO pun)
― tru oyster kvlt (arby's), Saturday, 26 June 2010 23:41 (fourteen years ago) link
Oh my God, in high school, my circle of friends & I had this habit of making up really bad nonsense jokes with the punchline "license to Bill." This had gone on several weeks, that we'd be hanging out at my friend's house, playing video games and making "license to Bill" jokes, then finishing the evening by ruining his family's dinner with terrible jokes that all ended in "license to Bill." One night his dad said, "Enough of your jokes, I want to tell you something serious my pastor told me about today." His dad was an evangelical Christian – the kind of guy who was too Christian to open fortune cookies because they were "false prophecy" – so we all knew this could go on for a while & you just had to be polite and listen. He started going on and on about what the pastor had to say about the Monica Lewinsky scandal, and how it was dragging our nation down, and he started reading out loud this letter his pastor had written about the dangers of dishonesty and adultery. "And do you know what he wrote on the envelope?" he said. "Lies! Sins! To Bill!"
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Sunday, 27 June 2010 00:51 (thirteen years ago) link
^^^true story about a homemade joke, not a homemade joke itself
― breaking that little dog's heart chakra (Abbott), Sunday, 27 June 2010 00:52 (thirteen years ago) link
aahahahah i love when i get pwned by unlikely people
― tru oyster kvlt (arby's), Sunday, 27 June 2010 01:03 (thirteen years ago) link
what did the river say to the riverbed?
my sediments exactly!
― goole, Monday, 28 June 2010 02:47 (thirteen years ago) link
ha, that is an excellent story abbott
― hills like white people (Hurting 2), Monday, 28 June 2010 03:25 (thirteen years ago) link
I made up two today but they are basically the same joke:
What is a leaf's favorite Bauhaus song?
Stomata Martyr.
What is an arthropod's favorite Bauhaus song?
Tegmata Martyr.
― Mr & Mrs The Devil (Abbott), Thursday, 1 July 2010 05:32 (thirteen years ago) link
:D
― VegemiteGrrrl, Thursday, 1 July 2010 05:52 (thirteen years ago) link
What did George Michael say when he dropped his chocolate bar?
Careless Wispa
― village idiot (dog latin), Tuesday, 6 July 2010 00:35 (thirteen years ago) link
Nah it's not the Wispa that's careless in that case tho, it's the recording artist
― ,,,,,,eeeeleon (darraghmac), Tuesday, 6 July 2010 00:40 (thirteen years ago) link
I may have told this one in another thread:
What's Lil Wayne's favorite French film?
AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AMELIE AME AME
― surfer blood for oil (Hurting 2), Thursday, 8 July 2010 03:45 (thirteen years ago) link
Q: What did the traditional Indian garment say to the other traditional Indian garment when it stepped on its foot?
A: Sari.
― http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-uSTXn4H5jY (Stevie D), Thursday, 8 July 2010 05:38 (thirteen years ago) link
I was riding back from a film shoot last week, and the DP and I were the only ones who'd actually been to film school, so he kept making dorky jokes that only I'd get. For instance:
Hey Nick! If I set my foot on fire, do you think that would be One Foot Candle!?!?!
― ENERGY FOOD (en i see kay), Thursday, 8 July 2010 06:48 (thirteen years ago) link
Q: What's the most popular Nike shoe in Germany?
A: the Herr Jordan
― uNi-tArDs (Hurting 2), Monday, 26 July 2010 20:59 (thirteen years ago) link
let's make like romaine and lettuce leaf
― ▼__▼ (LOLK), Monday, 26 July 2010 21:04 (thirteen years ago) link
What kind of eggs do you find in jam?
Traffic Eggs.
― village idiot (dog latin), Sunday, 8 August 2010 02:31 (thirteen years ago) link
(no, neither do i)
― village idiot (dog latin), Sunday, 8 August 2010 02:32 (thirteen years ago) link
What is Lil Wayne's favorite pozole ingredient?
HOMINY HOMINY HOMINY HOMINY HOMI HOMI
― Ground Zero Mostel (Hurting 2), Friday, 3 September 2010 21:27 (thirteen years ago) link
Also, what is Kid's favorite yogurt?
YOPLAIT!
― Ground Zero Mostel (Hurting 2), Friday, 3 September 2010 21:28 (thirteen years ago) link
What do you call an astrophysicist with a BDSM daddy fetish in your front lawn?
Kneel de grass, tie son
― budo jeru, Tuesday, 18 June 2024 22:01 (one week ago) link
oh my god
― Iacocca Cola (Neanderthal), Tuesday, 18 June 2024 22:15 (one week ago) link
knock knockwho's there?ewanewan who? ewan your mate can both fuck off
― donald wears yer troosers (doo rag), Wednesday, 19 June 2024 03:41 (one week ago) link
Lol at "GO P" ... that's great!
― Kim Kimberly, Wednesday, 19 June 2024 04:12 (one week ago) link
Lol doorag,Reminds me of this YouTube great
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMh5VFdpShQ
― H.P, Wednesday, 19 June 2024 05:10 (one week ago) link
This is for people wanting to get any easy junk joke on someone
You: So what are you putting in your coffee these days?A: *Answer doesn't matter*You: Yeah, I've been trying to watch my weight these days - you know about those sugar substitutes?A: *Answer doesn't matter*You: There's this new one I've been using that removed the sucrose from sugar. So they call it UGAR.A: UGAR?You: As in you gargle on *insert whatever you want*
― Western® with Bacon Flavor, Wednesday, 19 June 2024 05:24 (one week ago) link