i always get called out for weird shit like not really being gay
I hear that line at least once a week -- maybe these people are right!
― Filmmaker, Author, Radio Host Stephen Baldwin (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:42 (fourteen years ago) link
srsly tho what is the correct answer to that?
― plax (ico), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:45 (fourteen years ago) link
maybe they don't like you because they think you think they don't like you or maybe yr just projecting. possibly there's something slightly narcissistic about thinking that all other gay men don't like you - all the ones here like you so why would irl be the opposite?
― jed_, Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:46 (fourteen years ago) link
well, there's one sure way to show 'em
― kenny logins (goole), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:46 (fourteen years ago) link
Being "gay" means "I'm attracted to men." Anything else is ancillary.
― Filmmaker, Author, Radio Host Stephen Baldwin (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:46 (fourteen years ago) link
what i mean is that maybe you give out a "gay guys don't like me" vibe.
― jed_, Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:48 (fourteen years ago) link
That's even worse for me, because I don't identify as gay-qua-gay. But fuck the whole idea of there being one right way to be gay anyway.
― The Reverend, Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:48 (fourteen years ago) link
xp im not saying thats an unfair assumption, its just one i dont really know how to get around i guess
― plax (ico), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:49 (fourteen years ago) link
To be totally honest, I think I have thes suspicion-of-gays thing going on. I guess I feel like I have so little in common with most of the gay men I meet, it's like why bother.
― The Reverend, Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:52 (fourteen years ago) link
Perhaps you have so little in common w/ most people! Fishing for quality means harder work, alas.
― kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:54 (fourteen years ago) link
i don't know, alfred, i know a lot of gay guys born after 1985 that get a long with a lot of gay people. you and jordan are particularly close with a lot of straight people.
also, i think i was trying to get at what jed is saying -- there seems to be a lot of competition between gay people. the whole "i'm not THAT gay" thing which we've talked about before in light of madonna fandom and the like plays some part in this conversation, i think.
― so sick of the fucking V8 commercials (surm), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:56 (fourteen years ago) link
not that i'm trying to take anything away from rev and plax's experiences, at all - i'm just relating my own experiences to this conversation. i still have a kneejerk reaction around gay pride time of year, or around a lot of gaga fans or whatever, but now it's a more nuanced reaction because i have befriended more gay people over the years and i'm finding i have a great time with them.
― so sick of the fucking V8 commercials (surm), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:57 (fourteen years ago) link
xxp I've never had any problem meeting straight guys I have things in common with though.
― The Reverend, Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:58 (fourteen years ago) link
Yep.
― Filmmaker, Author, Radio Host Stephen Baldwin (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 21:59 (fourteen years ago) link
i think maybe its partly due to never having had any gay friends really that i kindof have a pedestal thing going on too though.
yeah, i mean the "i'm not that gay" thing really bothers me and i'd hate to think i was playing into that narrative in some way. I think maybe that growing up where i have I didn't come into contact with any gays at all and i kindof built my own idea of what it meant.
― plax (ico), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:00 (fourteen years ago) link
yeah, i think SO much depends on location, tbh.
i mean, to speak in simplistic terms, there might be a lot of ilx-type gay guys out there that we are hesitant to meet bc of outer appearances, or bc of the groups they hang with, or something. looks can be very deceiving.
― so sick of the fucking V8 commercials (surm), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:01 (fourteen years ago) link
i dont really tend to meet a lot of people in gen at all that i have "anything in common with" but i still have friends so i don't think thats the criteria for my case anyway
― plax (ico), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:02 (fourteen years ago) link
rev otm
― kaká flocká flame (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:06 (fourteen years ago) link
plaxico, you don't have any reason to automatically assume that gays don't like you, you are well liked here as i'm sure you are irl but other people can be very sensitive to assumptions you make about them even when you don't vocalise them, obv.
i used to start with an "other people don't like me" assumption (i had low self esteem mixed with highly strung!) which i kind of managed to turn around but then i split up with my man last month and he kind of character assassinated me during the break up and told me i was too open and friendly with people and that he found it embarrassing. for a shy person whose way of coping with it is to (unconsciously) overcompensate for his shyness by being sometimes a little too gregarious was kind of a low-blow.
― jed_, Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:07 (fourteen years ago) link
sorry that's really garbled, anyway he acted like a cunt about it.
― jed_, Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:08 (fourteen years ago) link
jed, fwiw, i definitely felt like when i was fixated on the "i don't get along with other gay guys" mentality, people noticed it. it was definitely not overt -- i'm way too self-aware for that, but however subtle, i do believe that kind of vibe comes across just a bit.
― so sick of the fucking V8 commercials (surm), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:10 (fourteen years ago) link
(not that i think he's a cunt he just upset me) xpost
― jed_, Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:10 (fourteen years ago) link
and jed, that is a really low blow. i do the same kind of thing bc of an inherent shyness, and i'm really sorry to hear you went thru so much trouble with him :(
that does sound pretty horrible alright. but yeah i mean i tend to have the opposite problem. a lot of my friends have this weird thing about talking about how I am a difficult person to become friends with (this is apparently a really great way of affirming our friendship because it overcomes the barrier of me being uh, a standoffish dick). and that obviously does play a major thing, but I do frequently get accused of very strange ulterior motives by other gays and it is something that has never happened to me with straight people (except for one girl who told me quite a lot, usually in conversation with my boyfriend at the time, that i was just faking it)
― plax (ico), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:14 (fourteen years ago) link
thanks! he was probably correct, essentially, but it's hard to find a middle ground when yr natural tendency is to back off from people because they may not like you.
but anyway, sorry, enough about me.
― jed_, Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:17 (fourteen years ago) link
My own "gays don't like me" thing is more just general insecurity. coupled with that post-85 syndrome Alfred talks about.
And fwiw jed I did not think you were overbearing at all when I met you! (nor the opposite, either)
― a vaguely goofy lesbian (donna rouge), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:18 (fourteen years ago) link
thanks joe!
― jed_, Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:19 (fourteen years ago) link
plaxico i get the same thing (ulterior motives attributed to me) to the point where i doubted every thing i said / did / thought for a while. but then i have my own insecurities i project onto other gays so what jed and surm are saying ring pretty true for me. it's hard though! socializing, in a healthy way, especially when you're used to it being part of a negative feedback loop.
― I am an old guy, and I prefer the late 90s. (Matt P), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:30 (fourteen years ago) link
hi gays
what happened in 1985? i was 4, and sorta out of it, culturally
― flapjackin (gbx), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:56 (fourteen years ago) link
"Oh Sheila" hit #1.
― Filmmaker, Author, Radio Host Stephen Baldwin (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:57 (fourteen years ago) link
best year ever?????????????????
― The Black Keys - white boys can still throw down (crüt), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 22:58 (fourteen years ago) link
that song rules
― flapjackin (gbx), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 23:03 (fourteen years ago) link
how many ppl actually lurk this thread?
― plax (ico), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 23:04 (fourteen years ago) link
table is the table's current male friend is a really awesome guy and they are super cute together.
― i don't know whether it's really popular in Canada as well (sarahel), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 23:21 (fourteen years ago) link
^fact
― lene lovage (elmo argonaut), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 23:29 (fourteen years ago) link
yay!
― so sick of the fucking V8 commercials (surm), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 23:42 (fourteen years ago) link
also Oh Sheila hitting no. 1 could make any year, imo
should i feel embarrassed as a straight female for outing myself as a gay thread lurker?
― i don't know whether it's really popular in Canada as well (sarahel), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 23:46 (fourteen years ago) link
loll it's the shirtless edition anything goes
― so sick of the fucking V8 commercials (surm), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 23:46 (fourteen years ago) link
http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/125628/happy-bunny-pink-glitter.gif
― so sick of the fucking V8 commercials (surm), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 23:57 (fourteen years ago) link
(me shirtless, obv)
― so sick of the fucking V8 commercials (surm), Tuesday, 22 June 2010 23:59 (fourteen years ago) link
^big IRL lol.
I have v little gay friends. Actually, my closest gay friends are more or less the people from this thread that I've befriended online/IRL and also a few older (40+) gay men. I toooootally feel like I get the "not gay enough" vibe from other gay men and just largely feel like I don't have enough in common with them or something. I mean I have no qualms with them and wish I could be their friends but all the ones I've met don't seem to find me interesting enough.
Plax you should move to NYC and become talk of the town.
― cynthia batter blaster (Stevie D), Wednesday, 23 June 2010 00:23 (fourteen years ago) link
I was out of college in '85 and barely remember "Oh Sheila."
When are we gonna get over this "gay enough" stuff? It's all become-commodified-mainstream-gay stuff. I love cock and I'm a lousy dresser!
― kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 23 June 2010 00:51 (fourteen years ago) link
LOL!
― jed_, Wednesday, 23 June 2010 00:57 (fourteen years ago) link
Hi guys! I'm more of a lurker these days. :( All I do is work lately.
I'm a lousy dresser
I am so with you on that.
― Suddenly Snoozin' (lou), Wednesday, 23 June 2010 01:00 (fourteen years ago) link
don't believe you tbh
― jed_, Wednesday, 23 June 2010 01:02 (fourteen years ago) link
My friend's sister recently asked me "Are you sure you're gay?" after I said I didn't like Glee or Lady Gaga. I said, "I'm way too good at sucking dick to not be gay." What a wasted talent that would be, otherwise. Not braggin', just sayin'.
― I want to thank my psychiatrist (billy), Wednesday, 23 June 2010 01:07 (fourteen years ago) link
xpost
Well, I guess it's hard to dress offensively bad when you only wear the plainest clothes possible. :)
So my boss is going to let me work in our NYC office for a while if I can find a good place to sublet.
― Suddenly Snoozin' (lou), Wednesday, 23 June 2010 01:10 (fourteen years ago) link
― plax (ico), Tuesday, June 22, 2010 7:04 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
i do. i think i posted about my so-called life once but mostly i lurk. hello though!
― horseshoe, Wednesday, 23 June 2010 01:11 (fourteen years ago) link
i'd like a so-called life
― jed_, Wednesday, 23 June 2010 01:24 (fourteen years ago) link