Gays, its summer 2010 so... EVERYBODY TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRTS

Yep.

i think maybe its partly due to never having had any gay friends really that i kindof have a pedestal thing going on too though.

yeah, i mean the "i'm not that gay" thing really bothers me and i'd hate to think i was playing into that narrative in some way. I think maybe that growing up where i have I didn't come into contact with any gays at all and i kindof built my own idea of what it meant.

yeah, i think SO much depends on location, tbh.

i mean, to speak in simplistic terms, there might be a lot of ilx-type gay guys out there that we are hesitant to meet bc of outer appearances, or bc of the groups they hang with, or something. looks can be very deceiving.

i dont really tend to meet a lot of people in gen at all that i have "anything in common with" but i still have friends so i don't think thats the criteria for my case anyway

rev otm

plaxico, you don't have any reason to automatically assume that gays don't like you, you are well liked here as i'm sure you are irl but other people can be very sensitive to assumptions you make about them even when you don't vocalise them, obv.

i used to start with an "other people don't like me" assumption (i had low self esteem mixed with highly strung!) which i kind of managed to turn around but then i split up with my man last month and he kind of character assassinated me during the break up and told me i was too open and friendly with people and that he found it embarrassing. for a shy person whose way of coping with it is to (unconsciously) overcompensate for his shyness by being sometimes a little too gregarious was kind of a low-blow.

sorry that's really garbled, anyway he acted like a cunt about it.

jed, fwiw, i definitely felt like when i was fixated on the "i don't get along with other gay guys" mentality, people noticed it. it was definitely not overt -- i'm way too self-aware for that, but however subtle, i do believe that kind of vibe comes across just a bit.

(not that i think he's a cunt he just upset me) xpost

and jed, that is a really low blow. i do the same kind of thing bc of an inherent shyness, and i'm really sorry to hear you went thru so much trouble with him :(

that does sound pretty horrible alright. but yeah i mean i tend to have the opposite problem. a lot of my friends have this weird thing about talking about how I am a difficult person to become friends with (this is apparently a really great way of affirming our friendship because it overcomes the barrier of me being uh, a standoffish dick). and that obviously does play a major thing, but I do frequently get accused of very strange ulterior motives by other gays and it is something that has never happened to me with straight people (except for one girl who told me quite a lot, usually in conversation with my boyfriend at the time, that i was just faking it)

thanks! he was probably correct, essentially, but it's hard to find a middle ground when yr natural tendency is to back off from people because they may not like you.

but anyway, sorry, enough about me.

My own "gays don't like me" thing is more just general insecurity. coupled with that post-85 syndrome Alfred talks about.

And fwiw jed I did not think you were overbearing at all when I met you! (nor the opposite, either)

thanks joe!

plaxico i get the same thing (ulterior motives attributed to me) to the point where i doubted every thing i said / did / thought for a while. but then i have my own insecurities i project onto other gays so what jed and surm are saying ring pretty true for me. it's hard though! socializing, in a healthy way, especially when you're used to it being part of a negative feedback loop.

hi gays

what happened in 1985? i was 4, and sorta out of it, culturally

"Oh Sheila" hit #1.

best year ever?????????????????

that song rules

how many ppl actually lurk this thread?

table is the table's current male friend is a really awesome guy and they are super cute together.

^fact

yay!

also Oh Sheila hitting no. 1 could make any year, imo

should i feel embarrassed as a straight female for outing myself as a gay thread lurker?

loll it's the shirtless edition anything goes

http://images2.layoutsparks.com/1/125628/happy-bunny-pink-glitter.gif

(me shirtless, obv)

^big IRL lol.

I have v little gay friends. Actually, my closest gay friends are more or less the people from this thread that I've befriended online/IRL and also a few older (40+) gay men. I toooootally feel like I get the "not gay enough" vibe from other gay men and just largely feel like I don't have enough in common with them or something. I mean I have no qualms with them and wish I could be their friends but all the ones I've met don't seem to find me interesting enough.

Plax you should move to NYC and become talk of the town.

I was out of college in '85 and barely remember "Oh Sheila."

When are we gonna get over this "gay enough" stuff? It's all become-commodified-mainstream-gay stuff. I love cock and I'm a lousy dresser!

LOL!

Hi guys! I'm more of a lurker these days. :( All I do is work lately.

I'm a lousy dresser

I am so with you on that.

don't believe you tbh

My friend's sister recently asked me "Are you sure you're gay?" after I said I didn't like Glee or Lady Gaga. I said, "I'm way too good at sucking dick to not be gay." What a wasted talent that would be, otherwise. Not braggin', just sayin'.

xpost

Well, I guess it's hard to dress offensively bad when you only wear the plainest clothes possible. :)

So my boss is going to let me work in our NYC office for a while if I can find a good place to sublet.

how many ppl actually lurk this thread?

― plax (ico), Tuesday, June 22, 2010 7:04 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i do. i think i posted about my so-called life once but mostly i lurk. hello though!

i'd like a so-called life

I have v little gay friends.

What's wrong with that?

http://i41.tinypic.com/2cr518o.jpg

so jed, y'all are off-again atm?

oh yes and there's no desire to go back tbh.

o wow, i'm sorry darlin. i hope you're taking good care of yourself.

So my date went pretty well, but for some reason I am way more nervous now than I was before it.

Catching up.

Don't be afraid to feel, Rev!

Sorry to hear about the off-again, jed.

As to the post-85 thing, now I feel old, because I def feel like I have more than my share of gay friends. So clearly I was born before. Or something.

rev i always find i am more nervous if something is actually good enough to warrant it. it's a good sign!

nervousness after a date's gone well >>>> boredom and disillusionment after a date's gone badly

i totally get the "not gay enough" vibe off a lot of gay men (and GIRLS too, bizarrely - only a few, but the kind of fag-haggy girls one comes across a lot in the entertainment industry), which is odd given that most of my straight friends would probably consider me pretty gay - it's kind of like being caught in the middle in terms of stereotypes? i mean, it's not as if i can think of anything i'd need specifically gay friends in order to do, though.

the last date i went on, we met at a mariah carey album playback (which...lol, i guess) and got on super-well there, then it turned out over a meal (in a shitty chain restaurant! ugh why do i let anyone else choose where to eat ever, so many quality cheap places in london, there should never be any need to go somewhere like that) that he was one of those perma-bitchy, super-prejudiced types who kept calling women "sluts" every five seconds. really unpleasant to sit through. and then despite the fact that we'd originally bonded over r&b i got some real race issues vibes off him when it came to, like, poor black people, and this was confirmed when he used the actual phrase "black council estate trolls", at which point i neeeeearly just got up and left. this is why i hate gay men sometimes.

Fag hags are the most disgusting savages on Earth imo. Luckily my bisexuality more or less precludes me from them.

Btw, thanks for the kind words, guys. Just got done chatting with this guy again and we might see each other tomorrow, too!

xxp for a v long time I mistakenly assumed all gay men were, like, feminists, and would get confused/upset when gay men would say weird sexist or generally unintelligent things about women. Well, I get upset when everyone does it but I thought gay men knew better.

Nah, gay men are still misogynists. Just a more refined version.