Let's bitch about our stupid, annoying co-workers

The guy at my place makes a point of doing it as loudly as possible and saying things like "that was a good one" so I think it's fair to say he's a stupid annoying dick. Some of your brothers in phlegm are giving you a bad name.

"I was telling my sixteen-year-old niece, I said "When you grow up, you can do anything you want. You can eat Gummi Bears and Mountain Dewbfor lunch every day, like I do. It's great!" Guy is 30 years old and has a beachball physique. He was trying to convince me to go try out a frozen yogurt stand for lunch.

Maybe he plans on eating the whole stand.

I mean, no wonder he has emotional problems and can't get along with people.

Actual email I just received:

Hi - via the new report what does true and false mean?

Sent from my iPhone

Do I just send her a link to dictionary.com? How is it possible to answer this without being patronising/condescending?

context is everything

True enough, I can't even see anywhere on the report I assume she is talking about where it says true or false.

I just emailed her back asking for more information...

pending confirmation of idiocy so

I'm more annoyed by the ham-handed use of "via." What the hell is that?

Bet they meant "vis a vis".

I have a coworker whom I quite like who always uses "vice" instead of "versus" as in "I think we should have the meeting over lunch vice having it after hours." I'm guessing it's some corruption of "vice versa."

So, I had a terrible day at work yesterday thanks to a couple of stupid annoying coworkers. It's much too long and dry to get into, but involved them requesting extra (and by all accounts unneccessary) work from me after I had already given them a stellar product.

The level of dipshittery involved:

The initial product that I gave them had been pulled together from a list of people who had already donated money to our organization, and who they had specifically asked me to look at for that reason. The request for additional info included the following as one of its many criteria: "[organization name] giving history, if any."

Bet they meant "vis a vis".

― more lunacy and witchcraft! (kkvgz), Tuesday, August 10, 2010 12:19 PM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

vis a vis how "i.e." is always used incorrectly instead of "e.g." [/pedant]

In contractual negotiations you really have to watch muddling up i.e. (the things you name are ALL you are referring to) vs e.g. (the things you name are just some of what you're referring to). Use the former when you mean the latter and you're screwed.

from an advertiser making his 5th round of changes (in one 12 hr period):

"Ok....here we go....and don't roll your eyes at me. I know I'm an anal retentive freak. I try to convince people that it's part of my charm! (of which I'm routinely accused of having none).

[...] [four paragraphs describing changes]

And I SWEAR this is it. I'm just on a word pruning spree. Maybe it's cause too many people talk too long to me at work all day, but I'm subscribing to the belief that "less is more" at the moment.

Thanks, Sorry, and all that jazz. I owe you a beer."

Kind of familiar...

ah yes. the magical "beer", that while never showing up is somehow supposed to make everything ok.

hahaha, yeah.

The "lol, ain't I a stinker?" writing style reminded me of someone...I almost wrote back "kid, why don't I just temp-ban you now and save us both a lot of trouble..."

If I had every beer I've ever been "owed" I'd be, er, very drunk...

One thing positive I will say about where I currently work is that I have been bought at least 6 beers for doing things for people. It helps that one of them is one of my regular work drinking buddies tho.

Oh man I am so guilty of the insincere beer offer at work... I'm going to go sit quietly and think about what I've done.

In 100% of cases, a beer is not what I want from an advertiser. I want an "ok to print."

I love when people like that, especially if you are in face to face contact with em, realize you're pissed and go either "Are you mad at me?" or "By now I'm sure you're pissed off at me" as they expect you to say "nawwwwwwww, it's ok" but it's impossible to withhold your disgust. I quit trying.

I tell people they owe ME a beer, frequently. Sick of doing favours for everyone at work.

Can confirm that it's pronounced bo-dega. how the fuck else?

I never got an answer from true/false woman. I assume she worked it out herself!

I got through 3 1/2 years of my job before blowing up and walking off the job (for a while). Yay me.

entire server goes down at work today and tech people give us a workaround, telling us we can check our email by using a replica of our mailbox.

..........

REPLICAS REQUIRE THAT THE SERVER THAT YOU HAVE THE REPLICA ON WORKS, AND THEY ARE ALL DOWN. AND, TO ADD INSULT TO INJURY, IF YOUR PROGRAM WAS CLOSED OUT FOR ANY REASON, YOU CAN'T GET TO THE SCREEN WHERE YOU REQUEST THE REPLICA.

fucking idiots. it's like telling someone to FTP a patch when they call to say their Internet is out.

Our IT dept's favorite trick is to insist that we submit a help request via email when we call because we can't connect to the network/the computer won't start, etc.

The IT MANAGER actually kept telling me that he couldn't do anything until I submitted a help ticket when I called to explain that my monitor had shuffled off its mortal coil and I was unable to access anything or do any of the deadline driven, time sensitive work that comprises my job duties. I finally got him to understand the dilemma I faced, and explained that I had a deadline and could not work at all, and three hours later, he sent a tech over to bring me a new monitor. In the meantime, I finished my book. Thanks, tax payers!

Can confirm that it's pronounced bo-dega. how the fuck else?

― paulhw, Wednesday, August 11, 2010 9:41 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I would pronounce it bo-DE-ga, but he's started doing this recently too.

boddy-ga

I finally got a reply from true/false woman, edited for anonymity:

"if you tick no states false. So does false mean we haven't "xxxx blah blah blah" and true mean we have?

What do you reckon?

OK wow, what the heck, how does this woman get dressed of a morning?!

STATEMENT 1: Statement 2 is true
STATEMENT 2: Statement 1 is false

this one dept we use makes mistake after mistake, but if they make one to report it to em we have to fill out a stupid ticket rather than the old system where we'd open the original ticket. screw that -- you open the ticket after I report it to you by reopening the old issue. or stop making mistakes. uRHGGGGGGGGGHHHH.

Actually if you actually use the word 'actually' one more time I might actually scream, actually.

i had a co worker that got promoted to being my boss (when i had my job) and um, whenever he'd talk he'd, ummmmm - in meetings and stuff - just um say "umm" waaay too much. i asked him to try to not do it before a conference call once, to no avail. i always thought it sounded unprofessional and i was worried it might give vendors an impression we had no idea what we were doing. oh well.

why is it that when someone gives you an instruction, whether verbally or written, and you don't follow it as written, you get called out for it (and rightfully so)...but when the tables are turned, and when you've not only provided written instructions, but held a meeting prior to discuss these expectations, and the person still does it wrong, oh they acknowledge the instructions were there but "I'm sorry, I've been so busy, I guess I overlooked it".

No no no no no...if I don't get to use that excuse, neither do you. Nor is it an excuse I ever would use as it's ridiculous.

"omg they should make a reality show out of our office!"

"make that funny noise / do your impression of coworker x!"

I've grown to accept that my coworkers will have the worst sense of humor known to man and will only be able to speak in pop culture references

How to liven up tedious conference calls with dull people (only works if you are alone in your office at the time):

Load up one of those sound effect search engines (http://www.findsounds.com/ etc) and then find and play random noises during the call. It completely derails things in a way that makes the meeting bearable.

don't give me ideas dude, lol

Hi, thank you for telling a manager that you thought the project would be held up by me not sending you files fast enough when I've sent you everything you asked for by the deadlines you gave; sure the next stage is threatening to be a massive disaster, but not cz I can't perform my job description of getting data out of the database and into spreadsheets, more because the people who are meant to put the data in the database in the first place have spent the past 20 years not doing so

note to future data monkeys: just give them the sparse and useless information in the database and then stick yr fingers in your ears and go "ain't my lookout" instead of pointing out the shortcomings and trying to discuss ways round them, because asking questions is just heel-dragging, and by querying anything you accept responsibility for everything that might go wrong

you just described a lot of pain points I experience, too. feel ya :/

"See, I can’t watch exorcism movies because I’m a lapsed Catholic. Halloween's scary because it's plausible. A guy could escape from the mental hospital and go around hacking everybody up! A guy who invades your dreams? Who’s been dead? Not plausible. But your soul being possessed by Satan? Plausible.”

you should hum in latin at your desk, and do weird physical rituals daily. then one day, up the ante by making a fake Necronomicon and leaving it at your desk when you go to lunch.

then have a fake phone conversation one day saying "no, it HAS TO BE A VIRGIN, he won't accept it otherwise....." then mumble indecipherably.

I volunteer to do some work this week for someone else as I am ahead of schedule on another project. It comes in, I'm happy cuz it's not difficult and will keep me busy this week. I begin to look at what I'm given, and realize none of the info I need to do the work is ready to go from the person I'm helping. (And I'm not hyperbolizing here -- not one item of the pre-work was ready).

Person is 'unaware' that they had to do these tasks first, and asks me if I can do the work with what's there. I want to reply "That's like challenging me to a game of one-on-one basketball without a hoop or a ball" but I decline.

So I get saddled with trying to salvage the entire thing, and to say I'm furious is putting it mildly.

though I'm not taking it, either. i made the other person do all communicating to get the additional info i need.

While I'm still very grateful to even have a job now, let alone one I really like, I am trying hard to wrap my brain around the girl that sits behind me and eats only popcorn all day every day. Three or four bags a day. Which, fine, different strokes. Except she likes it burnt. So the office is overwhelmed with burnt popcorn smell four times a day. And, for me, there is more nauseating smell in the world.

"no more"