Gays, its summer 2010 so... EVERYBODY TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRTS

hey, gays, join me in saying bye to J0rdan, who returns to Mizzou with a heavy heart. I'll miss him!

That's a really, really gorgeous photograph

bye Jordan! say hey to Mizzou for me. Somebody should use my camp counselor photo as the cover of a chillwave mixtape already or something. It's even got his str8ness documented with that proprietary hand on the girl's shoulder. He's a dad with two kids now.

hey gayz. got back into Oakland last night. hope you all are okay.

my time on the east coast was pretty good, but i only really saw 5 friends in NYC. and then i got into a weird battle with my mom right before i left....and guess what it was about? SHE SAID I AM "TRYING TOO HARD TO BE GAY." and i was like, 'excuse me, but fuck off' and we went at each other for like 45 minutes and i made her cry, and my dad was all like, "everyone has terrible teenage years" dismissing me outright, and i was just like, YOU REALIZE THIS IS WHY I DONT LIKE COMING HOME FUCK YOU BOTH.

eugh. anyway, glad to see yall are doing okay.

How old are you?

dr3w, that story pretty accurately describes school experiences. camp for me was...ahem...JHU's CTY program at Hamilton College in Clinton, NY, so i was surrounded by weird freaky smart kids like myself. i first was 'out' at camp. it was kind of amazing, in retrospect.

25. xp

i didn't really ever go to summer camp in the normal sense -- my only camp experiences were school class trips etc. so i was surrounded by my teachers -- no sun-kissed nipples of shirtless camp-counselors for me.

but i was sent on a camping / biking trip through Maine when i was like 15, and got up to a little bit of sneaky groping of sleeping tent-mates. i was a pervy lil dude, still am, no doubt.

I remember v vividly one time falling asleep at camp and seeing one of our counselors go into the shower in the next room, and trying so hard to catch a glimpse of his dick in the bathroom mirror. I must have been 12 or 13? I always wonder, is it really fucked up to sort of wish you'd had sexual experiences at a young age?

no! The problem comes when adults think they can exploit this confusion.

exactly. i think a lot of problems also come into play because adults are able to vocalize the fact that children/teenagers are sexual beings, whereas children are so unsure/ashamed of themselves a lot of the time that they can't do this. like, i don't think that Tony Duvert had sex with young kids all the time, but he was a fierce advocate for recognizing children's sexuality...

anyway...

according to him my bf would loiter in the bathrooms at his camp so as to view counselor cocks as they flopped and dangled freshly from the showers

you make it sound so quaint and springtime-y

myself, i was always tying / untying / re-tying my shoes in the highschool lockers for the same reasons

i was too repressed and awkward for irl anything, so every night i entered the magical world of internet porn

my earliest crush was on a substitute teacher/gymnast we had for a week in japanese 1, 7th grade. i didn't realize it was a crush until i was in my 20s.

i would totally do the same thing in the locker room in middle school and early high school... dilly-dally to get glimpses of inner thighs and cocks etc.

ok maybe TMI but i am sharing

there was this one dude -- a senior during my sophomore year -- who definitely noticed me looking at him after football practice. super-fit cocky alpha italian dude.

anyway, one practice we had to pair off for assisted stretches, and he selected me -- which made me very nervous. so i have his ankle on my shoulder and my hands on his massive thigh, stretching out his hamstring, and he says -- "you want to suck my dick?"

i managed a blush and a "no thanks" but was still terrified afterwards. i have wondered what would have happened if i had answered differently, but it probably would have been degrading and humiliating no matter what. he was not known to be a nice guy.

how sexy that degradation would have actially been is a mystery for the ages

woh! did he look like this guy:
http://img.mymusclehunks.com/blog/lucaskazan/184/Image01.jpg

Never really curious about johnsons in my pubescence, other than my own

ahaahaaha

it sounds like the name of a young adult novel.

nah, he was hairier and a bit thicker xp

well, i would assume, because he wasn't a gay porn star. haha.

25. xp

OK, I know nothing about you or your parents, but it sounds less like they're dogging you for being gay and more like they're telling you to get over acting like a teenager, at least that's what it sounds like to me your dad is saying. Unless I'm misconstruing and he's saying, "you're too old to still be in this phase."

I bet that guy's way to short to be an effective football player.

height isn't necessarily a prereq fwiw

It is for me.

um, Eric, no. sorry.

my mother is always asking me "whether i'm sure" of my sexuality, and i'm always like, "pretty certain, yeah, tho i'm obviously into the idea of a spectrum of behaviors, etc." but in the end, it comes down to the fact that i've been interested sexually in other guys and have known it since i was around 11 or 12, and to have my mother essentially deny years and years of inner turmoil, depression, eating disorders, and etc., simply because she's a fucking homophobe and wants grandkids, well.. that's pretty fucked up.

so when this fight happened, i raised the issue of the misery of teenage existence, and pointed out that even they (my parents) noticed that i have been a significantly happier person since i 'came out' to them (for the 3rd or 4th time, btw) and the rest of the world.

what my dad was saying was that, "my teenage years were awful too, they're awful for everybody," which is a truth bomb duh, but also denies the subjectivity of individual emotional pain.

It was probably painful for him to watch your teenage years.

(And I mean that in a not-mean way. In the "he saw you suffering and it upset him" way. But, again, I don't know your parents.)

it probably was. i mean, he is infinitely more sympathetic and cool with me than my mom.

yeah i don't know what the benchmark is for hetero teenage misery or anything but i can guarantee i (we) had it worse. but it's annoying to compare either way because it doesn't even matter and it shouldn't. i wasnt deluded enough to wear it as a badge and now it's not holding me back, and i hope the same for anyone who went through similar shit.

yeah, it doesn't hold me back until i visit my parents, who make it an issue by blathering off shitty statements like the ones i've mentioned.

that doesn't even make sense? rambling tbh. just remembering similar "conversations" i've had with my parents and how it's so easy to play the victim and ask for consolation that never comes, cuz it has to come from yourself. now if the topic even comes up, which it doesn't, cuz i'm living with my bf anyway, but if it did, i redirect it. if they press, it's none of their fucking business.

xp it's hard not to get baited by them but that's essentially what they're doing and it makes you feel shittier as a result. i had to establish w/ mine that certain topics were completely off-limits by literally not responding or changing the subject. treat them like children that need to be taught by example cuz that's exactly how they're acting.

oh that first sentence wasn't about you table, just an x-post to myself

yeah, good advice. thx.

I had a pretty uneventful adolescent discovery period and an even less notable coming out process. I guess that's to blame for my boring life choices.

my dad has come a long way in terms of accepting me as gay, but he's never really acknowledged the amount of guilt & shame i went thru -- probably never will, either. it's tough, and it's probably very hard for any parent to deal with the fact that they had an unwitting hand and making their kid's life so miserable.

my dad now acknowledges that d. & i probably have the healthiest relationship out of anyone in the family

because, he jokingly adds, "there's no women involved" :\

*in making

: S

LOL at falling back on misogyny as a bonding device

recounting that highschool story has set my mind reeling with other locker room memories. i need to leave work like, right now.

you do have bathrooms at work, right ;D

let's all hit the showers

YEAH

My chest is damp, my shirt stuck to my body. It's a scorcher out there. Someone help me take this V-neck off.

fondly recalling games of grab-ass, lamenting what might have been

i was too repressed and awkward for irl anything, so every night i entered the magical world of internet porn

― what if "middlebrow" is pubes? (Matt P), Friday, August 20, 2010 11:40 AM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^^^