Gays, its summer 2010 so... EVERYBODY TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRTS

it sounds like the name of a young adult novel.

nah, he was hairier and a bit thicker xp

well, i would assume, because he wasn't a gay porn star. haha.

25. xp

OK, I know nothing about you or your parents, but it sounds less like they're dogging you for being gay and more like they're telling you to get over acting like a teenager, at least that's what it sounds like to me your dad is saying. Unless I'm misconstruing and he's saying, "you're too old to still be in this phase."

I bet that guy's way to short to be an effective football player.

height isn't necessarily a prereq fwiw

It is for me.

um, Eric, no. sorry.

my mother is always asking me "whether i'm sure" of my sexuality, and i'm always like, "pretty certain, yeah, tho i'm obviously into the idea of a spectrum of behaviors, etc." but in the end, it comes down to the fact that i've been interested sexually in other guys and have known it since i was around 11 or 12, and to have my mother essentially deny years and years of inner turmoil, depression, eating disorders, and etc., simply because she's a fucking homophobe and wants grandkids, well.. that's pretty fucked up.

so when this fight happened, i raised the issue of the misery of teenage existence, and pointed out that even they (my parents) noticed that i have been a significantly happier person since i 'came out' to them (for the 3rd or 4th time, btw) and the rest of the world.

what my dad was saying was that, "my teenage years were awful too, they're awful for everybody," which is a truth bomb duh, but also denies the subjectivity of individual emotional pain.

It was probably painful for him to watch your teenage years.

(And I mean that in a not-mean way. In the "he saw you suffering and it upset him" way. But, again, I don't know your parents.)

it probably was. i mean, he is infinitely more sympathetic and cool with me than my mom.

yeah i don't know what the benchmark is for hetero teenage misery or anything but i can guarantee i (we) had it worse. but it's annoying to compare either way because it doesn't even matter and it shouldn't. i wasnt deluded enough to wear it as a badge and now it's not holding me back, and i hope the same for anyone who went through similar shit.

yeah, it doesn't hold me back until i visit my parents, who make it an issue by blathering off shitty statements like the ones i've mentioned.

that doesn't even make sense? rambling tbh. just remembering similar "conversations" i've had with my parents and how it's so easy to play the victim and ask for consolation that never comes, cuz it has to come from yourself. now if the topic even comes up, which it doesn't, cuz i'm living with my bf anyway, but if it did, i redirect it. if they press, it's none of their fucking business.

xp it's hard not to get baited by them but that's essentially what they're doing and it makes you feel shittier as a result. i had to establish w/ mine that certain topics were completely off-limits by literally not responding or changing the subject. treat them like children that need to be taught by example cuz that's exactly how they're acting.

oh that first sentence wasn't about you table, just an x-post to myself

yeah, good advice. thx.

I had a pretty uneventful adolescent discovery period and an even less notable coming out process. I guess that's to blame for my boring life choices.

my dad has come a long way in terms of accepting me as gay, but he's never really acknowledged the amount of guilt & shame i went thru -- probably never will, either. it's tough, and it's probably very hard for any parent to deal with the fact that they had an unwitting hand and making their kid's life so miserable.

my dad now acknowledges that d. & i probably have the healthiest relationship out of anyone in the family

because, he jokingly adds, "there's no women involved" :\

*in making

: S

LOL at falling back on misogyny as a bonding device

recounting that highschool story has set my mind reeling with other locker room memories. i need to leave work like, right now.

you do have bathrooms at work, right ;D

let's all hit the showers

YEAH

My chest is damp, my shirt stuck to my body. It's a scorcher out there. Someone help me take this V-neck off.

fondly recalling games of grab-ass, lamenting what might have been

i was too repressed and awkward for irl anything, so every night i entered the magical world of internet porn

― what if "middlebrow" is pubes? (Matt P), Friday, August 20, 2010 11:40 AM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^^^

and when i say grab-ass i mean like really digging your fingers in there

~~~nostalgia~~~

woah! that sounds like a lot of fun.

The thought of another man -- let alone the friend on whom I'd a serious crush in senior year high school -- laying a finger on me was too exotic and frightening to even contemplate. It didn't even occur to me. I was more non-heterosexual than gay.

I meant to ask steve & j0e if they wanted to see any Ludlam films.

http://anthologyfilmarchives.org/film_screenings/programs/retrospectives/charles-ludlam

elmo i think i found me a movie u would enjoy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PKDAacQjPbA

lol that looks bad from the screenshot but srsly

noted!

would see that movie.

They didn't make us shower in middle school/high school so I had to get more creative

PS- a former prof of mine just gave me a shitload of designer clothes, plus some rare peasant items from Paris. i am now the proud owner of Comme des Garcons men's skirt much like the one in the middle here:
http://images.nymag.com/images/2/daily/fashion/08/07/28_skittedmen_lg.jpg

plus some other awesome shit.

Question for everyone who is out to their parents: were they blindsided at all by you coming out? Did they suspect you were gay and deny it? How did this play into your post-coming out relationship?

Cuz I'm 90% positive that my parents know I'm gay.

Mom was devastated -- sobbed, hugged herself, shut herself for a week alone in the house, the whole schmeal (I only learned about the latter from my sis). I suspect for her it was the final crumbling of a supreme fiction.

Whereas Dad smiled thinly, sadly, to himself and mumbled, "I know. I knew it." He delivered the ultimatum the next morning.

Ultimatum?

My coming out was so boring. And they both knew.

Not so much an ultimatum as an exchange of favors: if I were to bring a putative boyfriend to a family gathering, extend my dad the courtesy of letting him know so he can leave.

My mom asked me before I moved "You need to tell me — are you gay?" I said yes, she laughed and said "you think I don't know that?". I've mentioned here before that her brother (my uncle) was gay, so she knows all about the struggle and shame, and I love her for it — and my other family members are fine with it too.

Unrelated: Today I told the cute nerdy guy at work I was going to Whole Foods for lunch and he asked he if could tag along and I was like "!!!", but it turns out he was straight and just wanted to chat, which I appreciated too. It's nice not to be the one making all the effort to befriend someone and have them meet you halfway for a change.

So Jordan you should tell them, it will remove a lot of stress from your life (I hope, anyway).

so nice of your mom just to ask, then laugh. i think i like her.

I'm leery of counseling him otherwise. Every dynamic is different. I told him two years ago and I'm not sure it made a damn bit of difference. Our relationship is probably better than ever, but it's got fuck-all to do with my coming out to them; it's age, comfort, and experience.

It's actually not that stressful for me tbh, just sorta feel like it's "time"

i told my mum and she went "okay" then we never mentioned it again til i had a boyf.

if it's time it's time.

yeah. you're a senior in college right? that's when i did it.

anyway, my dad had the same reaction that Alfred's did, minus the ultimatum. weird.