Gays, its summer 2010 so... EVERYBODY TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRTS

Having issues parsing "fucking hot dudes".

fucking dudes who are fucking hot

I just came from the pool, where I'm ready to swear the fortysomething Venezuelan who sent his kids back "upstairs" was about to rid himself of his bathing suit.

hmm. what pool do you go to alfred?

The one at my condo complex.

It's thundering quite badly so we both left -- separately.

I am going to shower, head to my pool, then write some more about Josef von Sternberg.

btw Steve D, I don't know yr schedule, let me know if you hv time/inclination for a Newark Bears game b4 the season is over!

(it's minor-league baseball, fellas)

i used to go to the Biltmore with old ilxor elan to swim. and then at night, we'd ride to the golf course and smoke fatties under this nice stand of trees.

also, i desire thunder. clouds with just light spritzing and no thunder is shitty, i'm sick of august.

yeah i know what you mean. sometimes i wish summer would go on forever. but right now i just feel like i'm trying to make time go faster.

mercury in retrograde fuckin shit up

this is what im sayin

the other day I got the first inklings of fall via a cool breeze

mmm...fall.

it's the first fall ever where i'm not going back to school? uh, woah. that's weird.

Morbs, when does the season end? I will see what I can do!

http://www.newarkbears.com/schedule/games/

for morbs, just in case you don't open the giants thread on ILBB

http://i35.tinypic.com/27yykch.png

:D

I dont get it, J0rd, I'm generally happy when weed fiends are set back

um, kinda really confused and fucked-up here.

m4tt and i had a talk last night, and it was okay, but not really. i mean, what do you say when someone tells you that you're too good for them, and that they don't want to hold you back in a relationship, but also don't want things to change much? like, a downgrade from 'boyfriend' to 'lover and best friend'? we need to talk more, but christ, i am reeling over here. plus there's the whole added thing that we slept together last night, and this morning we engaged in some of the most intensely passionate oral i've ever experienced.

WHAT THE FUCK.

also, the conversation ended when we mutually told each other that we cared about each other more than anyone in the world, then he sort of fell into my arms and promptly went sleepies.

Sounds like he wants to marry you.

i'm just going to ask him straight up, "what do you want to change?" like, if he wants things to stay the way they are but not be in a 'boyfriend' commitment situation, that's fine by me. but i don't really know what he was getting at.

that said, he has been having some problems recently with going off certain medicines and getting on certain medicines and etc. it might just be weird mood shit.

sorry to un-lurk - but it sounds like he wants reassurance

Yeah, "I'm not good enough for you" is basically a request for a "yes, you are" response. Even if it feels stupid and unnecessary. The show-don't-tell rule doesn't apply 100 percent of the time, no matter how mind- and nut-blowingly good the oral is.

sounds like he doesn't want it to get too heavy, but really enjoys being with you at the same time

and i want to reassure him. he needs someone, despite saying that he feels alone and needs to be alone and thinks he's dragging me down. he's not dragging me down— the thought of not having him in my life is positively crushing, at least at this point.

i mean it's basically him being like, "i'm a manic-depressive drug addict and you're way too good for my fucked-upness, but i love you." and my response is "i don't care how fucked up you are, i fucking adore you"

"i'm not good enough for you" can also be code for something else. kind of a bs line tbh.

i mean, you know best, but why are you reeling? are you afraid he's having second thoughts?

xpost It's a masking line, but not that inaccurate. I am repeatedly amazed at the ludicrous idea of someone being interested in me.

(Well, not "repeatedly" in the sense that it's like often, but when it seems incongruously intense.)

does he want to be less fucked-up? is it about him being unsure or insecure about making major life choices and whether he should deal with it alone and/or what role he wants you to play in this/what role you are up for in this?

just that wording makes it sound like m@tt wants to have his cake and eat it too, but without the pressure of expectations

aw T - i just remember when you were in NYC not this most recent time, but the time before - and M@tt came to a show, and he seemed kinda sad and mopey, like he was totally missing you.

i don't think he's having second thoughts. i'm more afraid that he's retreating into himself, and um...not to get into his DSM-IV.2 or whatever, but that isn't good.

sarahel, yeah, i think that's it re: the insecurity about what role i can or want to play in him getting less fucked-up.

btw, we just exchanged txts and he's still like 'come visit me at work today, hope you're having a good one.' i mean, it obv isn't a break-up scenario, but something else....

if the idea of a downgrade in commitment is freaking you out, i would suggest being more assertive about what you want out of the situation, and going after him. it's obvious you think he's worth it.

mental illness is scary enough for the person who suffers from it, and being in a committed loving relationship and wanting to get better is scary because it's something that the mentally ill person can fuck up, not just for themself, but for the person that they love. I dunno if he has guilt issues ... but ... i've been in his position when i was a lot younger and it didn't end well.

do you think the conversation he initiated was more about your relationship than his mental baggage, or the other way around?

both v different problems

i understand that it's scary. (disclosure: after a long relationship and break up last year, he tried to turn himself in, if you get my veiled wording). but as someone who has also been on both sides of the equation, i want to be there. i'd rather get hurt by him in helping him than get hurt by him otherwise.

anyway, i'm seeing him later, it'll be a talk.

yea just be honest with yourself, i would say. about what you both want.

if you want to hang or whatever, lemme know - but you've also got plenty of other irl supportive friends, too!

hey sarah, thanks. we shld totally get drinks sometime.

and surm, yeah, i think honesty is key word here.

i'd rather get hurt by him in helping him than get hurt by him otherwise.

this is a very healthy attitude imo

talk went well. we split a burger and hashed it out. so! :D

yay!

isn't splitting a burger the best

congratulation

it is the best! it was just a really nice talk.

ily's were said.

feeling a lot better now. thanks for all the support, friends.

and thx for getting me in the mood for beef

thx a whole fucking lot