Gays, its summer 2010 so... EVERYBODY TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRTS

just that wording makes it sound like m@tt wants to have his cake and eat it too, but without the pressure of expectations

aw T - i just remember when you were in NYC not this most recent time, but the time before - and M@tt came to a show, and he seemed kinda sad and mopey, like he was totally missing you.

i don't think he's having second thoughts. i'm more afraid that he's retreating into himself, and um...not to get into his DSM-IV.2 or whatever, but that isn't good.

sarahel, yeah, i think that's it re: the insecurity about what role i can or want to play in him getting less fucked-up.

btw, we just exchanged txts and he's still like 'come visit me at work today, hope you're having a good one.' i mean, it obv isn't a break-up scenario, but something else....

if the idea of a downgrade in commitment is freaking you out, i would suggest being more assertive about what you want out of the situation, and going after him. it's obvious you think he's worth it.

mental illness is scary enough for the person who suffers from it, and being in a committed loving relationship and wanting to get better is scary because it's something that the mentally ill person can fuck up, not just for themself, but for the person that they love. I dunno if he has guilt issues ... but ... i've been in his position when i was a lot younger and it didn't end well.

do you think the conversation he initiated was more about your relationship than his mental baggage, or the other way around?

both v different problems

i understand that it's scary. (disclosure: after a long relationship and break up last year, he tried to turn himself in, if you get my veiled wording). but as someone who has also been on both sides of the equation, i want to be there. i'd rather get hurt by him in helping him than get hurt by him otherwise.

anyway, i'm seeing him later, it'll be a talk.

yea just be honest with yourself, i would say. about what you both want.

if you want to hang or whatever, lemme know - but you've also got plenty of other irl supportive friends, too!

hey sarah, thanks. we shld totally get drinks sometime.

and surm, yeah, i think honesty is key word here.

i'd rather get hurt by him in helping him than get hurt by him otherwise.

this is a very healthy attitude imo

talk went well. we split a burger and hashed it out. so! :D

yay!

isn't splitting a burger the best

congratulation

it is the best! it was just a really nice talk.

ily's were said.

feeling a lot better now. thanks for all the support, friends.

and thx for getting me in the mood for beef

thx a whole fucking lot

;)

mmm burger and hash.

Glad it worked out, tabes. I got to this conversation too late but it sounded to me earlier like all you guys needed was a tete a tete, especially after this morning's head a head.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ug75diEyiA0

fluffy buns

Old people leering.

hey, former lover on the cover of SPANK magazine:
http://spankzine.files.wordpress.com/2010/08/spank16-cover1.jpg?w=750&h=755

hey, has anyone heard from r@mzi after he ground his jaw to death last night?

what?

i'm fine thanks

My buddy in Bushwick went clubbing last night and got real lucky with a guy who looked like you. WAS it you?

no no it wasn't, i was occupied with other things

i can't decide what song to listen to

"like a surgeon"

something chill, maybe

or weird al sure

lol no the ciara one. it's very chill.

like, very.

-_-

feels like fall today

intensely fall

this day is incredible

incredibly dreary?

the air, the crisp breeze, the perfect shade of gray ... u crazy boy

janice i introduced my man to sandra lee the other night. don't think he gets her, but that's ok, we are still tight.

ok it's all good

Sandra Lee is like every mom

aww america

i hope so and i hope not at the same time xp

he also hadn't heard of "hobby lobby" before, then i introduced him to jean teasdale

My mom does not fry sunflowers in canola oil and sour cream.

my moms microwaves things more than i think is necessary or healthy— i haven't had a microwave in 4 years and avoid them at all costs— but otherwise, no, my mom is nothing like sandra lee. the night before i left, she made meatloaf using ground veal, pork, and beef, with a side of spicy squash and my favorite lemon-dill asparagus. she cooks like that all the time, and pretty much has since i can remember.

also, while it feels like fall in new york, it is 88 here in oakland and everyone is like 'wtf'

that dinner sounds nice