Dear X, blah blah blah. Love, Z

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Dear My Future,

AHHH!! ARGHKLJLASADASDMJKNCSDOWEIHRWHJTKJDAKLJSDHDURHFDS!!!!!

This is an accurate summation of my thoughts re: you. Please send a chill pill back in time. Or all the answers to the GRE.

UH,
Jessie

― jessie monster, Monday, 2 April 2007 17:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Mark C,

I think you're thinking of Surfer Stone Rosalita, who is a girl.

Cheers,

jaymc

― jaymc, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:14 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear YSI,

THANKS!

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear $700 That Will Soon Be Going Towards Fixing My Brakes and Front Axle,

I hardly knew thee.

Bittersweetly,
Max

― max, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:38 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Sara R-C.

One of the major bra manufacturers (Maidenform maybe?) has in-between cups sizes, but only up to C, I think. I've seen them in Kohl's and Target.

Yours,
tr

Dearest local Italian restaurants,

Is the Godfather theme really the most appropriate song to be playing?

tr

― tokyo rosemary, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:39 (seventeen years ago) link

dear all italian-american restaurants and still-extant mid-century steakhouses:

enough with the sinatra. no disrespect to the chairman of the board, and i understand that people associate him with a particular "lifestyle" that you're hoping to emulate/evoke, but... let it go already. it's played out.

love,
girl from brooklyn who was tired of the "mafia" meme even before goodfellas came out

― get bent, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:51 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear tokyo rosemary,

Thank you for your kind help; that sounds like it might work. I will go shopping as soon as I can!

Yours,
-Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 18:55 (seventeen years ago) link

dear sara r-c,

i think the aforementioned bras are called 'just my size'. not sure who makes them, but they should be googlable.

julia

― JuliaA, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:08 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Julia,

Thanks for the additional information!

Also, my daughter shares your name.

Sincerely,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:09 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ladies of ILX,

Please take it to the ~~webcam~~ bra size thread.

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Dan,

I never knew you had such delicate sensibilities. Or whatever.

xo,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:13 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Sara (and Dan??)

I am wearing a half size bra now! I was wrong, it was Playtex.

yrs,
tr

― tokyo rosemary, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Tokyo Rosemary,

Thanks again.

Perhaps I can get Dan to babysit for me while I go shopping.

-Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:19 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear bra talk,

THANK YOU FOR SAVING MONDAY

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ILX ladiez,

have you guys tried racerback bras? THEY ARE AWESOME.

luv,
me

― jessie monster, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Dan,

Sure, first you're offended, then you get into it... I know your type all too well.

xo anyway,
Sara R-C

Dear Jessie Monster,

I think I have something similar to a racerback in two different colors. I like them!

luv,
Sara R-C

― Sara R-C, Monday, 2 April 2007 19:24 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear former employer,
While I was working for you this summer you told me that you had worked out a distribution system that would preclude taxation, giving me the impression that I was working under the table. Out of nowhere, after months without any communication from you, I recieved a 1099 form that had, of course, been CCed to the IRS. I do not mind paying taxes on this income, but because of the system I thought we had agreed upon this summer, I did not make the necessary deductions while I was being payed. I am currently in no position to afford these taxes. Furthermore,it's pretty callow that you never contacted me to explain what happened, relying instead on the impersonal injunction of the 1099.

Fuck you,

Colin

― C0L1N B..., Monday, 2 April 2007 19:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Just My Size,
Thank you for giving my boobs support and uplift. I never liked those underwires.
Free to be, with love, Alison

― aimurchie, Monday, 2 April 2007 20:43 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear underwires,

You should be hands.

Love,

Boobs

― nickalicious, Monday, 2 April 2007 20:44 (seventeen years ago) link

dear vinyl siding institute,

thank you for sending me this package. your "america sides with vinyl" slogan is most amusing. i wonder what it could be! i almost don't want to open it.

― get bent, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:04 (seventeen years ago) link

dear <i>radio city</i>,

you are all i want to listen to when it's nice out. should i put you on again? srsly?

so much love,
alex

― ghost rider, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:11 (seventeen years ago) link

dear html button,

i'm never, ever going to press you, but i will continue using html.

yours,
alex

― ghost rider, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:11 (seventeen years ago) link

dear jbr and r/z,

you are both 100% otm regarding the musical selections of such restaurants and the played-out-ness of such.

yrs in agreement,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Monday, 2 April 2007 21:17 (seventeen years ago) link

dear alex "matey matey" longcat,

1) why are you questioning this, you should definitely put it on again
2) FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST just use the bbcode!! it'll be better for everyone, once we all admit that button is a sham and a lie.

sincerely yrs,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Monday, 2 April 2007 21:20 (seventeen years ago) link

dear muzak overlords,

I'd really grown tired of "Light Classical" and welcomed the change to Motown & Neo-Soul. I lived with "Light Classical" for a year and expected the Motown to last at least as long. TWO DAYS and then you give me this James Blunt bullshit?? What the fuck, Muzak overlords?

what the fuck.
justin

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:21 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Hawaii Weather-

Love you, man.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:23 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear first day of spring quarter:

You have been surprisingly tolerable. The Depeche reissues have helped.

Yours,
The Guy with Another Hour and a Half to Go

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:27 (seventeen years ago) link

dear ally,

a) don't worry, i'm on top of it.
b) fuck you no retreat no surrender

yrs etc,
a.m.m.l.

― ghost rider, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Justin,

Find out where they're hiding the muzak remote control if you work in a small office. I co-opted it and figured out all the controls and had FREE REIGN when el jeffe wasn't around. They have many many stations, one of which was all Hawaiian slide guitar shit. And no one else knew the codes so I HAD THE POWER. This is somthing to consider.

Yours hopefully,
An Abbott

― Abbott, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:30 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Carlos Zambrano-

Everyone has bad days. Shake it off. I know you'll be great next week.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:32 (seventeen years ago) link

nickalicious otm re: bras.

Dear my normally nice boss,

I have no idea what caused you to completely flip out on me during our staff meeting. Did you not notice the intern sitting next to me? Could he not have been a better target for you ill-wrought wrath?

I'm not sure what your deal is but you better have a well-crafted apology for me this morning if you don't want my current, minimally-acceptable levels of productivity to go spiraling down fast.

And dude, I bought you breakfast tacos this morning. wtf?

xo
That bitch you work with

― Ms Misery, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:33 (seventeen years ago) link

dear ms misery,

mmm breakfast tacos. will you buy me some too?

xo,
get bent, feeling crappy today and trying to think of an excuse to blow off my evening classes

― get bent, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:41 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ENBB,

What show(s) are you planning on attending? There was major strop-throwing circa 2004 at Radio City Music Hall, but other than that it was fairly smooth sailing.

Good luck,

Mary

― Virginia Plain, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:44 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Ms Misery,

Sorry your boss is a douche. Where did you get the tacos from? Next time spike his with doom and habanero.

scandalously,
hoosteen

Dear Da Abbott,

They have many many stations, one of which was all Hawaiian slide guitar shit.

Holy shit that sounds incredible. I should go hijack this bitch.

hijackily,
da hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:54 (seventeen years ago) link

dear ny yanquis--

all this money you spend and your outfielders throw the ball like feverish toddlers? good thing they can hit, i guess.

go mets
-m.

― mookieproof, Monday, 2 April 2007 21:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear skin,

STOP CRAWLING AT THE THOUGHT OF FUNGUSHANDS.JPG

xoxoxo,

Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Ms. M,

I know it's just because you started your post with bra-talk, but I read "boss" as "boobs," resulting in the following:

Dear my normally nice BOOBS: I have no idea what caused you to completely flip out on me during our staff meeting. Did you not notice the intern sitting next to me? Could he not have been a better target for you ill-wrought wrath? I'm not sure what your deal is but you better have a well-crafted apology for me this morning.

And man was I wondering what happened during that meeting.

Best,
n

― nabisco, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:01 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear nabisco,

LOL breakfast tacos for boobs!

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:03 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Dan,

Fungus hands are completely harmless and do not hurt you or even him so much. Why so freaked over this when you just seemed to be bemused by tubgirl?

Curiously,
From your reader of medical texts,
Abbott

― Abbott, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:07 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Nabisco-

I read it the exact same way. I am glad you spoke up first though.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:07 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Kentucky weather,

You make all the sneezing worth it. T-minus 10 minutes to glorious first mow of 07.

Like a good neighbor,

Nickalicious is there.

― nickalicious, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:08 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Abbot,

I have had 6+ years to get used to tubgirl. I have had 6+ days to get used to fungushands. Both are fundamentally GROSS NO.

xoxoxo,

Dan

― HI DERE, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ILX,

Dan OTM re: fungushands

skincrawlily,

hoos
(man using my real name is too weird for some reason)

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:13 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear BHakaTS,

Justin??? That fits on a license plate or a custom -800 number.

Surprised in good spirit,
Abbott

Dearest Dan +all,

I am starting to doubt my...something...as fungushands phased me not one whit, and I was eating a Cup o' Noodles at the time. Someone please reassure me I am not going to be posting on guro chan or somthing soon. FWIW I found tubgirl revolting.

Semi-apologetically,
Abbott

― Abbott, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Abbott,

tubgirl is grosser to me than fungushands, too. I think maybe because the latter just looks kind of fake, like made-up hands for a monster movie?

reassuringly,
horseshoe

― horseshoe, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Abbott and Horsehoe,

I am pleased to see that you too are less skeeved out by fungushands than some. It must be fingernail issues.

Yours,
The Guy What Always Trims His Fingernails and Thus Suffers No Angst

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Dan,

I am with you on tub girl v. fungushands. I saw that picture last week and then again today and I'm still completely skeeved out. Actually, I'm itching all over right now. I think it's the worst thing I've ever seen. The only other thing that might be on the same level is the guy with the maggots in his brain. *shudders*

~ ENBB

Dear Mary,

I got tickets to the Boston show on June 26th. I am so ridiculously excited. Are you planning on going to any?

Excitedly,

Erica

― ENBB, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:42 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ILX,

Whoops, now you know my actual name.

Yours,

Well . . . Erica

― ENBB, Monday, 2 April 2007 22:43 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ILX,

I forgot to catch my bus home from work because I was too busy pressing F5 on you. Now I won't leave the office until after dark.

Fuck you,
Will

― Will M., Monday, 2 April 2007 23:03 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Erica,

I've got tix for B'more and I guess I'll go to Wolf Trap and I may combine a visit to SF with the Oakland show but I'm trying not to be so addicted but I'm not sure it's working.

Have fun! (and maybe try Southhapmton as well?)

XO,

M.

― Virginia Plain, Monday, 2 April 2007 23:08 (seventeen years ago) link

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